Tag Archives: Belly Dancer

10th June – CH3 – Square Rooter

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Uhoh… Square Rooter as the hare… and he’s chosen the Boy Scout Camp… We know you can’t find a flat run there, but somehow Sqroot always manages to find even higher hills for us to climb. I was searching for excuses – some niggling injuries, perhaps overworked? But the runsite was right next to my office, and I would have to drive past it to get home. Oh well, lets give it a go…

It started as expected with the trail leading straight up the side of a waterfall, and it didn’t get much better! The hare had warned us not to check to the left at the first circle, but the trail set off to the left anyway, but only briefly before a steep scramble down (the last we saw of Belly Dancer), only to start climbing again – relentlessly.

There was a brief moment of enjoyment as Turkish Delight enthusiastically followed trail up a steep part only to find a circle and have to come back down again. Finally we reached the ‘top’ and started descending. Newly named ‘I-Ran’ took a nasty tumble and bleed his way back to the circle. Exhausted! About 3km, but a good 45 minutes work out – longer for Belly who came in from the wrong direction some time later.

2nd June – CH4 – HRA

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Following over complicated directions took us to the A bucket behind the Ag Centre, a familiar area. Looking around at the start, it looked like Semen Sores would have to help with some checking – except, he decided to have a restful day, strolling along with Tip Toe, leaving Square Rooter to help me with the checks. We set off in a slightly different direction – this was good, had HRA found some new trails?

I ran up the first hill with Belly Dancer, and at the first check, chose to go left towards some trails that I hadn’t run before. Sadly it was off to the right back towards the familiar waterfall, but not before Frozen had confused everyone with a false call. Anyway, we slid down into a dry stream bed (apart from Blue Tit, who turned back head spinning from the previous night’s hangover!) Along the creekbed and then up a steep path the other side – I got a check right! Behind me, SR had developed a cunning strategy – if I got the check right, he’d wait at the check for me to call it, but if I was wrong, he’d go and check the right trail. Seriously he didn’t put a foot wrong, while I was all over the place.

Finally we turned down the hill along the usual route down to the waterfall cafe. At last I was home free – but this late in the run I was caught up behind Tip Toe, Cumalot, Screwed Up etc. Somehow the hare had done a stellar job of keeping the pack together. Nice <5km on some nice trails – 46 minutes, ideal!

20th May – CH3 – Belly Dancer

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Why does Belly hate us so much? At some point he must have realised what a bad idea this run was, and he emailed around encouraging people either come early, and he’d laid a different trail that was easier. Why didn’t I listen?

I set off not long after the early pack had set off and soon enough caught up with Frozen Dick heading along a familiar trail used recently by Semen Soars. Up ahead I started checking one circle and then caught up as SS found some skiddy sticks. The paper had been hit by a storm and was hard to spot in places, so we were continually confused as we searched for trail around the fields. Finally we got onto a trail that ascended into the mountain. I hate hills. This trail up wasn’t so bad though, in good shape and not so steep that it was definitely possible to keep walking on, and happily I emerged to the circle check at the ‘top’.

The circle was on a saddle, with choices of up one of the hills either side, or down the back, where the trail split into multiple options. I tried several of them. The stormy wind was whipping around and carrying the ‘On On’ call with it. I was confused and lost a lot of time trying to find out where the pack was. Eventually I went back to the circle, and everyone had already disappeared. I was alone and made my way along the side of a ridge, scrambling to stay upright in the steep parts, hanging off trees, until I spotted Humperdick beneath me – literally about 400m away, straight down the cliff face. WTF? It only got worse. Rather than using one of the nice trails that ran down the hill, this was a straight line descent, alone, with storm clouds darkening the skies, weary legs. Humperdick disappeared.

Finally I got to a flatter part, with an identifiable trail to follow. But it was too late, my legs were like jellies, and it was all I could do to amble along hoping this time I might escape in daylight. I did – just! And not too long before HRA who had apparently set off another half hour after me!

8th April – CH3 – Graven Image

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Was it Graven Image or Skid Mark? Apparently GI set most of the trail – making it up as he went along – but it was clearly a Skid Mark ending with the On-In the wrong side of the river Ping to the cars. We had been warned it was a trademark “Ping River Run”.

Back track a bit. I’m a bit hash weary these days, so was reluctant to make an appearance, but after chatting to Chuckie in the afternoon decided to go along and hope there wouldn’t be any more male hash dramas. The directions were complicated, and with little in the way of signage it was amazing that a large group found the A site.

After a hare brief we were taken by Songthaew to the B, from which we set off into orchards – seemingly in the wrong direction away from the river. A few early checks kept us confused as we weaved through orchards. One check at a road had CW and I checking left and Angry checking right – we arced around until we heard the call from somewhere off to the right. Cutting across had us the wrong side of a river and as we made our way along, we found the powder. Did we short cut? Or was it superior hashing? Either way we could see powder both sides of a canal, and tracked back along the trail till we came to Angry Inch coming the other way. Not long after we found Superman and Belly Dancer who had short cut!

It was here that the trail turned inevitably towards the river and the next few checks had us strung out by the time we got to the beer stop. The virgin, a relative newby and Shagless nowhere to be seen as we continued over to the river bank with Skiddy dashing back to take photos. CW was first to reach the river bank, but as he’d seen the On-In he opted for the 2.5km alternative up to the nearest bridge. Angry & I saw our chance and dived in to paddle across to the cold waiting beers.

Good fun circle!

25th March, CH3, Byte My Yahoo

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So what to expect from Cuddly Ken – Chiang Mai’s most innocent and alluring male Hasher (as well as most intelligent) … hummm … he hates hills, to date has set great running trails and is dab hand at the BBQ.

With a little telegraphing he’d be setting a slightly longer run – after both CSH3 and CH4 both >7km affairs – there was a certain degree of trepidation about what BmY had in store for us. None of this was eased when arriving at the A bucket – with him going on about how he’d set the run at 6AM and had been rehydrating on beer ever since – he even quipped to Belly Dancer that he had some doubt if BD would even make it back – I began to think there might be a muaahh aspect to this run.

The hare brief was absurdly short – just circle checks – and off out we were sent down a dirt road and it was 800m before the first circle check appeared – those who’d attempted None of Your Business’s storm truncated CH4 run had some advantage and soon found trail – and this continued with copious checks keeping us all together until the ‘hill’!

Hill – WTF – this is BmY – who professes to hate hills, and no small hill at that – up and up the bastard went and apart from the specially invited FRB In and Out – who checked like a demon all over the place and still ran up the mountain – the weary pack ground their way up BmY’s hellish rock strewn trail.

At the ‘top’ of course there was a check and the pack was all over the place looking for the trail – Kwazi Moto declared no more hills for him and vanished somewhere, leaving BD with Square Rooter and Dog Shit. Of course they sailed down the hill – rather rock strewn death trap – and fortunately Square Rooter held back long enough to indicate where the trail headed (right) – Doggy vanished – perhaps he found the real (nice & safe) trail Humprdick had found but the circle check had been kicked out straight down the 27’ slope!

Way down nearing the bottom of the slope of death – HRA appeared with Angry Inch who’d lost his GPS in an earlier tumble, and HRA valiantly assisted BD down the most evil part of the hill. Into the gully and putting a little cantor on with HRA – we got back in touch with Square Rooter and Semen Soars and later on Fishy Finger too. Up the slope Horny Monkey was commanding everyone to stick together which was much appreciated.

At last into what we were expecting from a BmY run – the more familiar dirt trails and with some disgust – black top/concrete road which had checks a plenty.

At the point where we came to the quarry we were all very close together – Humperdick appearing from left field after checking behind a wall for 400m – with a glance a GPS showing ~1km to the A bucket and the sun well and truly set – HRA again kindly stick with me and a ghostly Graven Image came up on our rear as BmY’s final evil twist of a stinking stream had to be navigated before the final jog in along 800m of filthy dirt road.

Amazingly BmY achieved the rare feat of getting the whole pack in (ex a short cutting Kwazi) with ~ 10 minutes of each other. In and Out and Graven Image had ~10km on their GPS and I had 7.4km.

A tough run – a bit bigger postage stamps would have helped on the confidence of not getting lost in the dark – but a well set run. BmY did deliver on expectations in the BBQ department – I don’t believe he made the burgers but thanks for a good feed and Horny led an entertaining circle.


10th March – CH4 – Wooly Jumper

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Wooly doesn’t run often on a Sunday, but with a few days notice that she was on the hareline, she teamed up with Cumalot to set the run. Along the Maejo road, but not as far as the town – a new location for me. I wonder why nobody else has set a run here? Ok, so now I know!

Parking just off the main road, we gathered bemoaning our hangovers from the night before. Evil Big Top didn’t even make it, and she was the blame for my and Poo’s sorry state. Reluctantly we set off on the run, with the intention of putting in minimal effort. Within a km we headed out into the rice paddies, and Chuckie bailed on his second run in 2 days.

The run was a lot of rice fields, combined with some moo bahn street running, although there was an excellent 100m or so past a golf course! Mr. Poo was leading the way late on in the run, and lead Graven and some virgins a good 500m or so off paper. Humperdick and I showed the way back through some rice fields until we met Belly Dancer and Throbbing Ninja – not on trail, going the wrong way, near the trail. Huh?

Belly Dancer’s weight loss strategy – do short cuts, but don’t drink beer. Oops!

Anyway, we got back and spent sometime waiting for Foxy Cleopatra, who spent her time going around in circles doing the trail again and again!

11th Feb – CH3 – Humperdick

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Exhaustion… 2 brutal runs by Skiddy, (inspired by Belly & Square Rooter), over the weekend coupled with an epic afternoon drinking session (inspired by Gascoigne & Big Top) had me feeling worse for wear over my coffee this morning. Nonetheless I made it to work, and my hangover had the common decency to kick in right about the time my class was due to start. Bugger – there could only be one cure for it, so I set off to the hash.

Humperdick Humperdick Humperdick – couldn’t be too bad right? He hasn’t really built a reputation for runs (yet). I mean – apart from them being on canal road. I’m not entirely sure what his style is, but he does put in effort, so I was hopeful he’d be kind and gentle….

We were pointed off and Belly Dancer did his usual olympic sprinter start. My brain told my legs to run, and my legs told my brain to fuck off. This wasn’t going to be pleasant. At the first check Belly went off to the right, and I found the paper straight on. Normally at this point it’s the end of Belly’s charge and we meet him back at the circle for a beer, but not today. Today he’d roided up and was on a mission. He stormed ahead while I fucked up at the first Skiddy check. He was 100m ahead of everyone till he came to a small decline that was about 3 steps down, and by the time he’d crossed it, he was 100m behind. Seriously? Even Horny Monkey passed him!

Into the hills we went and there was a part that confused everyone. Horny Monkey did one route, while Angry Inch, Graven and I did another – neither was right, and when the EVIL MOFO HARE described later what he actually wanted us to do, I was glad about the ‘compromise’ we’d come to. Compromise? Short Cut? Who cares?

The trail started climbing… Who am I kidding? There was no fucking trail… We scrambled over shiggy crap with leaves covering rocks tripping our way over the hill – a familiar trail – I didn’t enjoy it the first time we’d done it… Finally we got out to the guys yard, and he proudly pointed out the paper on his bushes… We meet random people out on trail, but it’s nice when they are happy for us to run through their gardens! I sprinted past GI & AI, and immediately regretted it, taking the wrong option at the gate.

Damn… I tried to run… but my legs resisted… It took some determined self restraint to set off following the paper rather than just shortcutting back to the beer, but I managed. Hardly any more checks, just another 3km or so around and back to the A. At least this bit was flat. I finally got back some 10 minutes or so after the FRBs, but it was a long time before Frozen Dick dragged in the stragglers; Slippery When Wet, Fishy Fingers and Tip Toe.

Sups had thought better of the whole affair and done a “Festering Tool”.

13th January – CH3 – Belly Dancer BALLBREAKER!

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Mostly not bad!

Ok, so an epic kind of run like that deserves a bit more of a write up! Mr. Poo suggested that “Mostly Epic” would have been more appropriate! Anyway, I was struggling to shake off my hangover as we drove out to the runsite, at Baan Pong Resort, despite my best intentions to get an early night, somehow I managed to get incredibly drunk which wasn’t the best preparation.

We all knew what to expect as the hares had done a good job of briefing everyone in advance, but amazingly there was still around 20 odd people to squeeze into the Songthaew and a couple of cars. We ominously went around the back of a mountain – past a tempting golf course – to the A site where the hare did his best to talk us out of it before setting us loose. We started with a short loop around a lake and back to the Songthaew, with Graven Image & Suckit not bothering and waiting for us to run back to where we’d already seen some paper on the road.

I hit a couple of checks right until getting the first set off skiddy sticks which I carried back and dutifully placed obviously on the trail for those behind. Around another corner and my watch signaled we were a mile in. My stomach signaled that McDonalds wasn’t the best idea for lunch, and duly forced me to deposit it on the trail. Things weren’t looking good as one by one hashers passed by. Finally the wave passed and I started feeling better and could start moving again. We were running along some lovely trails that I’d not hashed before, until the unmistakable stench of a pigfarm arrived. The sick hares had put a ‘sex check’, meaning we had to wait next to the pigpens with flies buzzing around the stinking piles of pigshit for Big Top to arrive. Ugh! The hares weren’t punished nearly enough for that…

Off running again and Semen Soars and I found trail until we looped around so we could get a good view of the mountains ahead. With a white pagoda visible on top of one of the highest peaks, I thought to myself – I bet it’s that one, but hoped it wouldn’t be… Around the corner the songthaew was waiting for some drinks and refueling. Unplugged, Itchy Bitchy and Knockout came riding up with some men on bikes.

After a short photo op, we set off again with the trail mercilessly climbing into the mountains. Fortunately the trail was good and we could keep on going with sure footing. Suckit was not far behind me and each time he turned a corner I could hear yet another expletive. What checks there were were easy to pick as it was just on up the trail. Gorf leading the way with Lickamick just ahead of me – the pack stretching out back down the hill. I caught up at the ‘sex check’ halfway up the hill. After a discussion we didn’t want our legs to seize up, so we carried on with Suckit and then Graven Image joining us. The climb was relentless – 500m+ elevation gain, although I’m still waiting to get the GPS track off the watch. So this is what we had been warned about – it actually wasn’t so bad – rewarding views at every turn and a good enough trail.

Finally near the top we found the trail going back down, and Mr. Poo presently joined us in time for the ‘ladders’. We’ve hashed on worse descents that that, but adding a ladder for us was a nice touch. The way down was steeper than the way up, and probably more treacherous, picking our way one step at a time. There were stairs in places, but few opportunities to run. Finally we got to a flatter section and there was Greasy waiting with more drinks. We’d survived the mountain – just a few more km back to the resort…

I didn’t want to cramp up so kept going, hitting a few checks right before finding Gorf in front of me. He had a nasty habit of taking the paper with him from the checks and dropping it when he found trail, so it didn’t help anyone following behind and there was nothing left for me to mark the trail with. Soon he stopped calling and disappeared into the distance as Ho came up behind me. HRA was with him – I’d not seen him since before the hill, along with Graven, Lickamick and Suckit. We settled into a pleasant pace where we could keep moving and bitch about the FRB at the same time.

Finally we came to the lake, worked our way around it to find Belly Dancer waiting at the last drinks stop. One more to go and the resort was just there, just down the dam. He sent us off across the dam to an arrow pointing back along the otherside of the lake. That didn’t seem like a good idea, and we were further confused by a switch to pink strips marking the trail. Thanks for mentioning that in the harebrief! We made our way along the lake until the trail climbed up into the hills, where a single skiddy stick was found… WTF??? Where were the other two? Where the f*ck was Gorf? Back down to the lake and another 100m around the lake finally Suckit found the paper and the other two skiddy sticks. WTF? We were ready to kill someone – I can kind of get what Red Carpet and Dick Tracy complain about skiddy sticks if the FRBs don’t play the game. What on earth had he been thinking to place them there

We eventually went into the hills – it was unavoidable. While the first mountain was long and high, at least it was on trail – this part had ‘Anything’ written all over it, as we just scrambled across rocks on steep mountain sides. This bit was much worse than the first hill, with tired legs struggling to get a grip I’m surprised someone didn’t seriously hurt themselves. Determination just drove us onwards – it must be over soon. Finally we got onto the trail in the gully the other side, and we were back on familiar ground.

I jogged along and Ho joined me. The trail took a sharp left turn which was a bit of a surprise – after another 150m or so we found a single skiddy stick behind a tree which by now wasn’t a surprise at all. Back to the junction and there was Gorf carrying the other 2. Rather than maiming him with the last remaining stick, we ran off… We didn’t really find trail, but we found a few bits of paper that had come of the skiddy sticks while Gorf was looking, so I followed that in the direction of the resort and safety.

Everyone survived, with quite a few taking the shorter route back on the last leg. We sat freezing in the circle taking turns to limp towards the ice when called in. Maybe because we were tired, or probably because it did, but the circle seemed to go on forever and ever… We were hungry, cold and exhausted. It wasn’t that it was a bad circle – just a long one – there were plenty of funny moments dispersed throughout, but we could all feel the food waiting for us up just one more flight of stairs (another sick twist by the hares to choose an upstairs restaurant!)

Overall verdict, ‘mostly not bad’! Actually 3 great legs, with one final ‘Fuck You’ from the hares at the end.


25th December – CH3 – Square Rooter

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9 of us showed up for Rooter’s Christmas Run, set from a familiar site at Huay Tung Thao. Indeed SR had taken us running through there just last week, so I wondered if we’d have the same run from a different starting point. Not to be as he took us into the housing development. Belly Dancer was chomping at the bit as usual, but it was myself and None of Your Business checking at the first circle.

With an area constrained by the houses and the river, I went about 100m and saw some paper in the distance, sure enough I got there a little before None of Your Business came around the hill on the true trail. The next check foxed me as the hare had chosen the shiggy crossing of the water and taken us over to the trail at the bottom of the mountain.

Here I was convinced I knew what the hare had in mind and set off to the left. There was the paper, and sure enough at the next corner was another circle. This time I set off right towards the water fall and a familiar little loop, but no paper! As Mr Poo called from the trail my head was confused – what on earth was he doing – surely not taking us all the way up the hill, and surely not out to the canal road? It wasn’t A->B, so how could we get back around?

Graven Image joined us as we got to another check, and he reluctantly called us on up the hill. ARGH! I’ve scouted this area quite a bit, and if there is a way to get around, it must be way up the hill… At the next checks he had us all over the place, searching higher and higher up the mountain, but with no sign of paper. Belly Dancer (yes you read it right!), got the last check right as it went along the trail that takes us straight back to where we’d just been – nobody wanted to check it.

I passed BD as he started extending his stick to help him on the downhill, and sure enough we were back on the main trail, but the checks had been replaced with arrows and we soon caught the devious hare as he ambled back along the trail that he’d relaid. Nice one!

22nd December – CSH3 – Byte My Yahoo

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Christmas is coming and Byte My Yahoo was in a festive mood. Two minibuses full of hashers turned up at the Agricultural Centre to find Santa Claus, and the grinch (played by Frozen Dick) in full costume with powder and a sack of presents! During the hare brief we discovered that there would be presents at circle checks and that we should ingest, wear or solve them before moving on.

We set off, with Belly Dancer racing so fast that he made the first circle check! He unwrapped the present to discover sweets which he wasn’t going to share until Unplugged made him. We all know he’s on the naughty list this year! At the next circle check Mr Poo went the right way immediately but the paper was so far away he’d given up and was just wandering aimlessly when he found it. We carried on through the central field, to the left, round the wall and through the buildings. Angry Inch got a free dress, which he refused to wear! Luckily His Royal Anus had a better sense of humour and proudly FRBed the rest of the run in sartorial splendour.

The next great present was the beer stop. Skidmark stopped all the racist bastards who attempted to race off (notably Square Router and Snail Trail) until we’d finished the beer – and then we proceeded to fail to find the trail. By the time we found it going through the orchard even Pamela had caught up, with Slippery when Wet and several other walkers.

Across the dam, through the barbed wire and along through the white gate, up through the same small path, U-turn and back to 3 metres away from the entrance, same as for the last ag centre live hare and then back to the main lake. At this point Byte My Yahoo was waiting for the pack to spot him, waving at them and with several presents, including a wooden puzzle which would have to be solved before the pack moved on.

Sadly the half-minds completely failed to notice him and wandered straight in after the lake, beating the live hare to the circle! :) BMY wandered in, bemused, a while later to witness the finger pointing by Horny Monkey and others, though most agreed it was all Dead Virgin’s fault. In typical hash fashion we then went on to give him the wings and have the most disorganised gift exchange ever. Excellent hash behaviour and a Merry Hashmas to all! :)