Tag Archives: Turkish Delight

13th Feb – CH3 – Square Rooter

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Seriously Rooter? Are you fucking insane? WTF?! I’ve heard the philosophy of never let a good hill go to waste… and I’ve been on Turkish’s runs where he’s straight lined through shit to connect trails, and I’ve been on Belly Dancer runs where the sole intention is surely to take out half the hashers, but I can’t remember anything quite like today…

We know the area behind Doi Kham, I’ve hashed trails all around there, but clearly Square Rooter wanted to teach us something new today? The harebrief was clear warning – be wary about what was to come – walkers may as well go home, if you aren’t fit, just give up now… We set off, and set off gingerly… From the usual runsite we headed towards the “gully”. Last time rooter teased us with that trail before cutting straight back out to the right towards the regular trails (around “last man standing”). A couple of checks, and we were still heading up the dry river bed. Suckit commented that he’d never been that way before – I had, but when we carried on deeper, it was new for me too. I was interested – but surely there was a reason nobody had set runs there before?

After a km we got to the point Rooter had told us to turn back if not capable. A bit early, so most carried on. And then no checks for a while as the trail turned into a sheer climb. Sheer… Seriously – this went on and on, no trail, just straight up. So steep that trees couldn’t hold on to the side, and nor could the earth, with constant landslides – I felt sorry for whoever was behind me, but when I looked over my shoulder it was Turkey, so I didn’t feel quite so bad. Up ahead was Chuckie, Brownie and Suckit. They were only 40-50m away, but it might take a while for me to get there. We were crawling, scrambling, feeling out footholds. 28 minutes for 1km, in total 280m elevation change, but 170m elevation gain over 500m. It was complete insanity. I have no idea why anyone would attempt it once, let alone do it and then decide to make their friends do it?!

Finally we got to the “top”, or the ridge with a trail heading to the right up towards Doi Pui, or down towards the Sameong Road football field. It was already kicked out when Turkish, Piggy and I got there, and we started the descent. Taking it steady for a while as my legs got used to the idea of not having to climb, and gently easing into a run. Now the trail was a great running trail – nicely descending, if only it had all been like this! The sneaky lizard gizzard wizard colombian searching for lines of powder eased past us like he was very, very thirsty and had no qualms about sprinting down a steep hill. I kept my pace moving wondering if I would see the leaders again. We did, and managed to catch up at the bottom where clearly a few checks had slowed them down. Managed to come in not far behind, and watch as everyone else came in covered in mud – Sheep Shagger being almost the last back – midway through the circle…

Only the hare was later getting back – too ashamed to face up to punishment? I don’t remember a hash run quite so severe as this one, and I don’t remember a hare ever having to sit on ice for that long afterwards….

14th Jan – CSH3 – Foxy & TMB

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It seems like every week is a ‘special’ run, with hares putting extra efforts in as the hash goes from strength to strength! We had the Xmas Eve run, the New Years Eve run, the Ball Breaker, and now a barbecue run at Foxy’s new place, with special contributions from 3 1/2 Inch, Anti Virus and Turkish Delight. The event drew out from the wordwork the likes of Bone Hur (& Bone Idol) amongst the throng of regulars and visitors! Numbers seemed reasonable when we set off on the run, but clearly quite a few extras didn’t realise just how (ffing) far down Hang Dong road it was, and just how many traffic lights we had to get through – the likes of Super family, Cool Balls & family, and the Shagless wedding party arriving late.

Those that were ready set off immediately to a circle check in the middle of Foxy’s compound. Finally Turkish found the trail after we had broken through a fence and escaped – he found trail, but waited a while before letting anyone else know, and it took the rest of us a while longer to figure out how to get to where he was calling from. We followed after Turkish and got to another circle. Turkish had gone 100m or so to the right, Brownie was reluctantly checking ahead, and while another couple milled around the check, I begrudgingly checked to the left – towards the Hang Dong road… It was a 0%’er, but someone had to do it. I got a full 100 paces, slowly, before that Tvrkish fvcking cvnt called. Tw@t c0ck tvrd d!ck cvnt. We saw him in the distance as we ran across a field to another circle. Again I got it wrong and checked right. I suspect Turkish had had time to check that way already, but others caught him as the call came – I didn’t see him again until he was sat back at the runsite. SCB.

Obscene led for a while, and suddenly we hit a very familiar trail – yes, Shagless had set here. A false trail to the right brought the pack together and then it was HRA and I checking forwards on the road. It was quite a way, but finally we found powder. The next circle was tucked around the corner. Brownie and Scooby carried along the road, and then pointed left and cut across. I went around the corner and saw them on a parallel road pointing at a tree. They said they had paper, but seemed confused about what to do. Apparently the BB screw up has given them mental scars and they were fearful of calling. Coming from the correct direction it made pretty good sense, the paper hidden on the back of the tree, and I set off. Brownie followed while Scooby continued confusing the pack behind us – arriving at the next check with only Brownie and Bob was a bit weird, but we all managed to check in completely the wrong places, twice, and now I was way behind again. Damn, I was getting everything wrong.

The trails were familiar, and I spent some time slowly moving towards the front, at one point the trail suddenly turned right, and I called Poo & Scooby back after they’d carried on forwards – well I called Poo back, and then spent a minute trying to remember what to call Scooby. Whatever, it worked, and we rejoined the front as they came back from a false trail. There was an obvious alternative, but I wasn’t placed in the right place to check it, so rather than just milling around I went left, and again was left behind. I was getting tired, and seemed to be constantly playing catch up, only to get it wrong when I did catch up.

Lizard Gizzard was ahead, but his advantage was negated by the pack recognising where we were and most not bothering to run around an extra loop. The pace had been quick – sub 7min per km, and I was starting to feel the pain. I dropped back a bit and watched the FRBs play the game. We could see Big C and I knew we weren’t far from home. We turned into a Moobaan, and there was a check that caught out most of the FRBs, and suddenly I was near the front with Graven and the Lizard. The Lizard missed trail for a moment and I was chasing Graven down – surely we would be home v. soon?? Trail turned abruptly left and suddenly the ground was spongy, moist and uneven. I walked taking care of my footing, while the rest of the pack charged past me. Half of them promptly sank waist deep into a nasty trap set my the hares! I remembered another run by Shagless when the same thing happened at the same point, but I can’t quite remember who it was that sank. We emerged back to the rice paddies, and Angry and I checked to the left along the edge of the fields, trying to avoid damaging them. Around 100m from the check, at the edge of the field, I spied Superman and Superbitch scuttling along the other side of a small creek – they were ON, so AI & I hopped over the creek and trudged in. Mostly a good running trail, but it really shows how long it takes to recover from a Ball Breaker like last week…

2nd Jan – CH3 – Sloppy Rod

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Without question, this was the best run so far this year! Way out past Baan Pong resort, so I just popped over for the run and headed home. Legs were still a bit stiff from Saturday, so I struggled to get going, but trotted along with Greasy across the dam at the start. Good to see some long time returners visiting for the holidays.

At the end of the dam, of course there was a circle check. Brownie scuttled off to the right, towards the dreaded hill the hare took us up not long back. I went left, and followed Greasy to the powder. The circle hidden from view of the road, but we’d driven in this way, and I hadn’t seen any powder. I followed Greasy to the left, and then he led the way towards the lake. Greasy was nailing them one after another, while everyone else went wrong.

I kept it steady, not out of choice, but out of stiff legs. Another check, and this one took a bit longer, even though it had to be away from the lake. A great trail was a real temptation, so I went further than I should have done. When it was called to the right, I went much further trying to find a way across, but eventually stumbled on a circle check, not long before Brownie got there. Graven & Brownie followed me as we went onto smaller trails, passing several opportunities for checks before we cut back down to the main trail.

Around the corner we went to the right of a lake, and then a circle check. I looked over my shoulder and everyone else turned around as though it was a false trail. I was the only one climbing the hill to check until Scooby joined me, but there were too many options. Finally some of the FRBs came back and started to help, but sadly Turkish didn’t come back – he went 300m++ past the circle to find powder and then started calling ONON as though he was saving our life! He lured the pack to short cut and we headed back to the A bucket – at least I stayed quiet when I missed a bit of the trail…

29th December – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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Shhhhhhhh! Something is stirring in the weird and wonderful world of Chiang Mai hashing. Something totally unexpected and totally marvellous to behold. No, I am not talking about the ‘second coming’ of Turkish delight to the Happy Hash, I am referring to the growing but yet unsubstantiated belief that we are now beginning to set much longer hash runs, and we are somehow able to run them faster, much faster, despite our advancing age profile.

Now I recall the time, not so long ago, when hares on one particular hash were advised/instructed by one particular GM, perhaps on the advice/instructions of a former GM or two of the same hash, to set hash runs at around 5k, suitable for runners and walkers alike, no need for a Wimp/Rambo split. But now it seems that this learned, insightful advice is being rapidly chipped away from that particular tablet of stone.

But is it in fact true? Are we running longer and faster? Well, according to my own data since returning to Chiang Mai at the end of October this year, yes, indeed it appears to be so. Runs of 5-6k have increased generally to 7-8k, and during November and December, before this Happy Hash, I have recorded runs at 7.59, 8.09, 8.69 and 8.89k at average speeds of up to 10.3k.

So then, it was with curiosity and post Christmas cheer that I joined the merry throng of many hashers for Prof Byte and Human X’s seasonal offering. Could it be that they too would continue the trend of longer runs? Would we hashers be able to keep up the increased tempo? Well it all started very seasonably, if not a little disturbingly, with a seasonably merry (drunk?????) Byte giving a hare brief about a run he couldn’t remember setting. Excellent example for Human X on his long-awaited co-hare debut! Suddenly, Byte somehow remembered that he had forgotten to put out paper for the false trails – if indeed there were any false trails – and with the inebriated bum still handing out strips of paper to the FRB’s just in case there were false trails out there, we all headed out on trail.


Now I am going to say here that Byte always, well almost always, manages to set a very good trail, particularly for the FRB’s who like the challenge of a well placed check or two. And this trail was no exception. I have to say also that although we were running from a well-used A site area, most of the trails were new to me and I very quickly became disorientated by the hares’ clever tricks of the trade – three successive false trails, WTF?

The trails were for the most part great for running, wide dirt trails and single forest trails interspersed with some unwelcome but probably unavoidable hard-top. I must admit, I got most of the checks completely, ashamedly wrong! Nice job hares, you bastards! And now to the speed of hashers on trail. We seem to have attracted some very good runners lately so that the FRB pack is growing. Lizard Gizzard is always out at the front and is of an age where running at our old-age pace is a breeze for his youthful physique. And we had new blood, James, and a returning visitor who called himself ‘No Name’. With some coaching, virgin James helped out with the checks from the off, as did No Name, until James got frightened by a couple of yappy dogs and jumped screaming into the open arms of Knockout for protection. So even without the likes of Piggy and Chucky, we still had the likes of Buns, Gravy, Sloppy, Scooby, Poo, Gizzard, James and No Name helping up front and definitely pushing the pace, which for me came in at a 9.1k average. Not quite the 10.3k average achieved on a previous run, but certainly pretty fast for this run and for hashing in general, I would say. Lets hope that James and No Name hang around for a while, sure would be welcome additions to our little hashing community.

Oh yes, nearly forgot Turkish Delight’s frantic efforts to drag himself through a whole heap of shiggy-shit that was blocking his way on one of his infamous short-cutting expeditions. It was a thing of beauty to behold and to hear his yells and screams of pain as we passed him bye almost without a single word of encouragement. “Die, you bastard.” was all Gravy could offer in that regard, or words to that effect.

As for the distance, well it was even longer than longer. For me, a full 10k hash run, set without a Wimp / Rambo split, although some form of short cut option was offered at some point, or so it was said. And nobody complained, smiles all round, especially from James who had his head up Knockout’s shirt when they eventually arrived back at the A, apparently still hiding from those pesky yapping dogs. Yeah, right! Great hasher in the making! And Lizard Gizzard wasn’t at all worried by his girl’s late arrival because he has her followed by a tracking app so he knows exactly where she is every single second of every single day. Creepy, man. Mr Poo is going to get one to keep track of Knockout, or so he says.

Funny circle conducted by prof Byte was washed down by free hash beer. In fact the entire event was free to one and all, courtesy of our always happy, Happy Hash Hash Cash. Nice one, Gravy, and nice one Prof Byte and particularly Human X who’s hair continues to impress us all.

Ball Breaker next week? If our normal runs are reaching 10k, god knows how long the BB will be. Let’s hope its a good one whatever the distance :-)

24th December – CSH3 – HRA & Brownfinger

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Twas the night before Xmas, and all of the hash gathered for beer and running, but mostly just beer. We were an hour premature, and just as well as the runsite was at the far edge of eternity. From here we would surely head deeper into unknown lands and find new trails? Nope. But we were all filled with Xmas cheer and were looking forward to whatever might happen. The songthaews were late, given the distance and condition of the roads it wasn’t a surprise! Finally we were released and sent back down the road we’d driven in on.


Turkish sprinted off without listening to the instructions, and promptly ran in the wrong direction. I picked up trail and behind me Angry Inch was attacked by a giant snake. A check – a V check and I confidently went to the right. God damn it! After scrambling up the fooking hill, I hit a check back. Mother Fuckers! And No present? My Christmas was ruined already! Back down the hill, I was grumbling, and already well back and trying to catch up. And then there were the hares with some kind of reindeer pussy juice, and I started feeling better about the whole thing.

But the pace was on and people were already off. There seems to be an added racism involved in hashing these days :( Another check and I was back in the mix when Scooby started running back past us. I’m not 100% sure, but I think he got a message sending him all the way back to the beer stop – nice and sporting of him to put in the extra legwork. I think if I had had to go back to the beer stop, I would probably have stayed there! Meanwhile Sloppy took great delight in me getting fucked over at the circle check, double bluffing myself while they just laughed at me. MOFOs.

I settled into mid FRB pack, trudging along familiar trails, aware there were people checking ahead, but not really seeing any action. The walkers had been let loose ahead of the FRBs, which is generally a disaster, and sure enough lead to several KM of just running. By chance I joined the front of the pack as we descended on a pile of presents! Woot woot! What would I get? Dmanit, a Santa dress! Sportingly I wore it for the rest of the run, and the temperature immediately rose – damn that was hot, and the dress didn’t stretch enough for me to run properly… I was slowing down…

We got to another check, and I later found out it was the mistletoe kissing check, but the calls were so confusing that I had no idea what was going on. I spent some time checking off back and to the right while I guess the rest of the hash were busy kissing each other. I called “RU?” several times, but got nothing back in return. When I finally went back to trail and discovered the mistletoe check there was some male visitor looking at me in a disturbing way! I cut across to rejoin the trail and sure enough found paper. The paper was interesting, and I immediately suspected the hares had done something interesting… – I went back on trail a short way to see how paper was laid towards what had to be a false trail. As I figured that out, Turkish sprinted past – “winning”! Ha… Graven wasn’t far behind, so I showed him the true trail and we jogged off towards the 2nd beer stop while Sloppy followed and Turkish embarrassed himself.

Another beer stop, and we were just around the corner from the A-site. Trail lead down the hill, and I was sure it must be a sneaky false trail! The hares assured me it was true trail, and reluctantly I attempted to jog in the dress down the hill. I was spent, but walked around the last loop the hares had forced us through and back to an entertaining circle. Nice job guys! Hashy Christmas everyone!

12th December – CH3 – Byte My Yahoo

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(Courtesy of Brownfinger)

So then, from beer and bar girls to chocolate milk and early nights. This is how some view the sad progressive demise of the Chiang Mai male hashing community. Indeed, with the ever increasing average age of the proverbial male hasher, it has been said that the wearing of incontenance pants after the run will soon become mandatory to avoid any unpleasant urinary accidents during the circle or on the way home in the songthaew.
While I will quickly add that the above concerns are merely what I have heard others say and are not my own, I will confess to feeling a little worried about quite what to do when setting a male hash run. In fact I have of late somewhat dumbed them down, not in the sense that I think male hashers are dumb sons-of-bitches, although that certainly is true in a number of cases, but in the sense that I have tried to make them easier, taking into account more obvious infirmities and the general dibilitating effects of the ageing process on physical abilities: a wimp/rambo split for a run over 5k, nice trails with no bushwhacking, no nasty hills or shitty shiggy.
So, have I become a little too gentile in my run setting? Is my natural inclination to protect myself and my ageing brothers from the ravages of a traditional male run warranted. Do male hashers want to be mollicoddled in their declining years. I was about to find out! Pro Byte and his evil alter ego, Dr Moriarty, were about to teach me a lesson or two I will do well not to forget!
Lesson number one. Always tell the slowest and most reluctant hashers that the run is a very tough one, that they might not be man enough to complete it, that if they want to have a go then they should arrive and start early. Ahhh, I get it, it plays to their vanity, makes them feel special and more determined than ever not to show any weakness, to complete the run and to demonstrate they can still cope with anything that any stupid hare can lay before them. A masterstoke! No need for a time-consuming wimp/rambo split, and if they collapse on trail then it would be their own stupid fault. After all, they had been warned!
With Frozen Dick and Tiptoe already pumped up and out on the run when we arrived, the hare herded us back into the songthaew and we set off down the road to the B site – an unusual B to A run, then. With a brief hare brief devoid of any instructions about what to do with false trails and the promise of a sub 7k run, we set off happily down the road, with Mr Poo and me running down hill ahead of a typically slow-starting pack. And it was here that Forest-Gump-Poo, for some reason unknown to anyone other than himself, decided to keep on running . . . and running . . . and running . . . seemingly taking no notice whatsover of any checks (or absence of) or calls (or absence of), and that was the last I saw of him until he arrived sweating profusley back at the A having run about 3k further than anyone else. Strange . . .
And then we were off into the forest and trails that Dr Byte had used for his ballbreaker a few years ago. I remembered some of them but certainly not all. Nice trails, until that is we came to the second (I think) false trail which happened not to have been on any discernable trail. Snowballs found it and he wasn’t quite sure what to do, because of course he hadn’t been briefed. I politely advised Snowballs to pick up some paper and reset the trail but because we weren’t on a trail it would have been difficult to reset even for an experienced Chiang Mai hasher, and as Snowballs hadn’t been briefed on how to reset a false trail . . . It was here that I began to feel a tad sorry for those who were behind in the pack. Would they be able to find trail, I wondered?
And then there was the hill of death, almost verticle with a slippery surface, only a few thin trees to steady the pace of descent. Snowballs had already tumbled beautifuly just ahead of the slide, but now it was the turn of that downhill headcase Angry Inch, who descended so fast that he actually took off into space half way down and only just manged to grasp hold of a tree, his momentum swinging his tiny Ewok physique almost 360 degrees before he was forced to let go. He sailed majestically upwards into the atmoshere and then fell hard, straight down into the gully by the side of the trail. OMG, the sickening, appalling noise of the crash, which I was absolutely convinced would result in a smashed skull or at the very least a broken limb. I was concerned. But I needn’t have been. Up popped the little Ewok from the undergrowth, bushing off the stckers from his stumpy legs, and with a shrill war cry on his lips, he ran off like nothing had happened at all. Amazing? Dumb?
Turkey, Turkey, Turkey. The hare had obviously briefed him before the run on how to fuck up every other hasher and “win”, and this the Turk did and almost did with the evil precision and mastery of Dr Moriarty himself. Turkey had somehow managed to worm his way to the front of the pack – way out in front . . . suspicious, I really think so. Off of a circle check, Turkey had taken the only trail available. By the time the rest of us arrived at the check, he had obviously been following paper for about three hundred metres or so without calling. So when he did eventaully call, the obvious line to take was directly towards the call which took us through nasty, waist-high shiggy and on to a water crossing that really couldn’t be made. Piggy correctly kicked out the check and laid paper in the direction of the call, in the direction to that shitty, shitty shiggy. Some of us circled through the deepest part of the shit and eventually found a safe water crossing point and others went back and tried to find Turkey’s trail that headed over a rickey old bridge. Safe to say that we lost a lot of time there while Turkey dissappeared into the distance, and the trail was completely fucked up for all those who followed. It was almost dark. Nice job Turkey.
And then we were heading towars the A site, but with a series of excellent false trails and checks we didn’t seem to be getting any closer to home. I will admit to a sneaky look at the GPS to verify this. I guesstimate that we stayed at a distance of 600m from the A for about 2k of running. What the fuck?
Finally, with an excellent false trail and a clever true trail (sorry Gravy) that brought us out just ahead of the false trail, there was the welome sight of the On In. There was concern that others would struggle to find there way back, particularly as I had not seen Poo since his early eccentricity, and had not seen Frozen Dick and Tiptoe at all. Where the fuck were they? It was very dark! But the hare was not concerned. All would be well in the end. After all, he had warned them. And there was a well-stocked BBQ, and cold beers. We had in fact run about 9k (Poo 11k) and so we sort of tucked into the BBQ and beers with increasing relish and forgot about those left out on the trail . . .
It was very, very dark, but then the stragglers appeared out of the gloom, and I waited for a reaction. But surprise, surprise there were only fist-pumps and smiles, no angry voices. We demolished the rest of the meat and crisps and swilled the cool beer that always tastes its best after a long, hard run. Piggy conducted the circle in a fun and participative manner that has become his wlcome trademark style – good job GM!
So what lessons did I learn from Pro Byte’s run, appart from the excellent way in which to engage those who may not otherwise wish to partake in a tough, long hash that I have already referred to. Well, it is clear that handled correctly you can get away with just about anything. Us old guys might moan a bit but when the chips are down we can still cope with and thoroughly enjoy a traditional, long, tough male run and still be physically able to eat like pigs and drink beer like thirsty camels. You can almost maim a male hasher (Angry Inch), get someone to fuck it all up (Turkey), wear hashers down to the bone physically (9+k – excleent job Frozen/Tippy), and use all forms of dangerous terraine (death slides – waiste-high shiggy) and still we will come back to the A ready for some beers and fun in the circle. Thanks for the lessons hare, I’ll be sure to use them well on my next male hash trail :-)
Great job all round, Pro Byte, or does Dr Moriarty now hold permanent sway over the mind of the most intelligent Chiang Mai hasher . . . mooo-ha-ha-ha!
Long live the male hash! We don’t need no stinking incontence pants – well not quite yet, anyhow!

3rd December – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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The Poos teamed up for another run near the football field – this time the A site was to the left near Tintin’s restaurant. A large crowd had already gathered when I arrived, but as the harebrief came, I felt sick – so sick that I ducked out of sight to deposit my lunch. I walked off following the pack – a pack kept tightly together by some excellent early checks. There was a point where everyone was following Superman and Tiptoe through a challenging little scramble. Finally the FRBs were set free and had a longish run stretch. First Brownie leading, and then Tasty, and then Piggy got a check right as we headed into the hills crossing paper that we had followed on Thursday. I couldn’t quite catch a break as next it was Graven’s turn for a go at the front. I seemed to be just off the pace and it was NOYB that nailed the check when we started heading down. All of a sudden he had a lot of energy and I chased after him, only to get 2nd choice at the next check and be wrong.

A circle check by barbed wire fence, and the leaders went left on the obvious trail, while the next group milled around. I got there with Turkish, and went down the bank to where I remember a little trail was hidden away. Sure enough Turkish called ONON, and Mr. 300 was surely on his way to victory? Only to hit a false trail. We turned back and spread out onto the hillside looking for tiny blobs of powder that could be anywhere. Turkish and I emerged to a bit of a clearing, and sure enough the cars were in view just along a little trail. NOYB followed us, and it was a few minutes before the rest of the pack appeared with Crap Thai leading them in on true trail. Nice set – a more sensible distance after the collection of 8km runs we’ve had recently.

26th November – CSH3 – Cuckold

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Cuckold teamed with Dodgy Cock for a run out in Maejo. Last week I went backwards, so why not go backwards again today? The OnOnOn was at Baxtah’s in Souf Chiang Mai, and quite a few of the out of towners made the effort to head in, myself included. I had a damn fine burger, and extra fries, with excellent service – if only Cuckold had spent a little less time with the karaoke mic in his hand! Ubered my way home for 95B (-75B discount) = total 20B – not bad, not at all bad! Let me know if you want a discount code 😉

Anyway, hours before the drunken mayhem happened at the ononon, we were in Maejo, and I was carefully driven by my None of Your Business. Finally he was back on the hash, and fit enough to run the first part at least. In the harebrief we were told that we were running on leafsized paper, which the hares called “orange”, but a more accurate shade was “autumnal”. It was as though the haree had selected some dried leaves, headed to a paper mill and asked them to make a batch of leaf coloured paper. Inspired…. or not….

We set off and finally distinguished some paper from the leaves, and then promptly a circle check in the water run off. Mhmmm… Nobody bought it, except me, as I was first there, and obligated to check across the other side. I did, and turned right, to rejoin the pack at the next check. Brownie struggled to follow paper through a bit of shiggy, so I took over at the front, and luckily got first choice at the next check down the main trail… I was running well, and promptly got the next one wrong. I joined Sloppy, and as we passed a junction he stopped, chuckled, and turned back laughing as he had seen an autumnal leaf down the trail to the right… Sadly for him, it was an autumnal leaf, and not the indication of a false trail ahead.

We had got to the square lake, and headed right towards the hills. Another check, and while checking it was called to my left – Sloppy went back, Graven and I went the other way around and rejoined trail. Brownie had the lead and was off sucking up orange squares like pacman. As the rest of us reached a mainish junction we were more sceptical. Why no check? Knowing the trails, there was only one reason for there not to be a check there – we would be back to another trail that wasn’t far away… Note to hares- you could have put a V-check there…

Further down a circle, and Brownie was way off paper, and I led the pack into a field, with a sneaky circle in the middle of the field… Nicely played hares, nicely played. Sloppy called that one when the rest of us were way out of the picture, and then came the epic FRB game play from the Slopster. NO surprise he ran away before the circle started… Up ahead we could see him dart off to the right, and then come back and say he found a circle, but thought he saw some paper to the right. MOFO! All he saw was a complete deadend, but he played it to his advantage… and advantage that didn’t last long. I’m sure he wasn’t disoriented, but checking left at the next check made no sense to me.

The trail was starting to piece together for me, and at 5km in, I didn’t like the prospect of the hill that was still ahead, but it was there, and no way of avoiding it… Why oh why were the hares going to punish us like that??? In some ways it is an advantage to know the area, and in some ways I wish I didn’t know what was coming… Another check, and the rest of the pack checked straight (durrrh), and I was the only one to go right. I was on… sadly on… heading back to close to where there had been no checks before, and as trails were very close, of course there were still no checks. I pressed on alone, calling, and hearing faint calls from behind. Uphill.. I ran for a while, walked for a while, tried to keep pushing, knowing there was no avoiding the ridge at the top… Yes, this late into the run, the hares were going to take us all the way to the ridge.

Very few checks… Not many options on the way up, and had I been behind I would probably have cracked, but I pressed on, knowing that somewhere behind Brownfinger was chasing… What checks there were I got right, until I didn’t. I thought the hares would head towards the 5 way split, but perhaps they weren’t sure where they were and took the mainer looking trail? I went left, and nothing. I went the long way around – there were no calls from the other direction and I had a bit of a lead, so I just managed to pop up back on trail just ahead of Turkish and Brownie.

From there, holy fuck… seriously holy fucking fuckity fuck fuck… There were no more checks, it was a straight on fuckity run run… Every step I took had Brownie right behind me, pushing me, and with him was Cotton Buds? I forget the visitors name… He was coughing like Poo. It was only the narrow trails that stopped them from passing me… while I was close to collapsing, somehow Brownie was able to maintain a steady commentary of the run behind… “You can do it… Byte, it’s just another 10 metres… These are the ones that count… You’re going to do it… Good job!” How can he speak??? How is that human? Finally there was the road, and the onin… I was ready to collapse… I let Brownie overtake if he brought me a beer back – he didn’t….

8.66km… A tough run for a Saturday hash. It worked for me, but for the hash there should have been a lot more checks in the second half as the pack stretched out a lot. It was a really great run for the runners, with great checks in the first half, but probably a little long for a regular Saturday run?

1st October – CSH3 – ABB & Angry Inch

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Maejo again – fantastic! We gathered near the Tiger’s Head, ready to see what ABB had in store. We set off, with Turkish energetically leading the way, and then trailing off a bit. I got to the first V check, and it was a complete 50/50 choice – I gambled left, and the trail continued, while TMB must have hit a check back – I heard Piggy calling OnOn in my direction, so kept on. Next up a circle… The cause of huge confusion!

The check wasn’t at a junction – just in a waterbed gully. So I continued straight, while behind Chuckie and Turkey lingered by the check – there had been a trail off to the right about 50m before the check, but they didn’t seem keen to go back. I spotted a strip of paper ahead of me, but it “didn’t seem right”… Normally after a check the paper is hidden to some extent on the side of a tree, so you need to go 100m before you find it – this seemed to find the most obvious tree and make it stand out. I didn’t call, but went over to investigate. Obscene, running up behind had no fear and he squealed ONON from 40m away, pulling the pack towards me. The strip of paper was at a mainer trail and I saw paper to the left, heading down the hill, until a circle check hidden on the back of a tree. I checked forwards until it was called back up the hill with Piggy tearing in half the very strip of paper I’d seen before to try to indicate we should turn right there. In reality we were completely wrong! Back up the hill, we were running backwards on trail, and found another circle that took forever to figure out.

Poo and I did another loop and got back to the same spot, finally figuring out what we’d done wrong, as we heard Piggy call us on. I ran down to Piggy and he was just stood in the jungle on his own calling “ONON” as loud as he could! Bellowing in the hope of bringing the pack back – a hash hero today! Ahead of him Sex Pistol was the only one who’d figured out what had happened sooner and was blazing a trail. Behind Poo and Turkish at least found their way, while the rest of the pack were somewhat slower rejoining the trail. Lucky the FUCK UP was so early on, that only HRA bailed out and gave up!

There was immense glee in Sex Pistol’s voice when she called ONON off a check, leading the FRBS. We set off to chase her down, and finally when we crossed the road, I hit the front, but the pack was spread out massively. Sex Pistol got caught out by the deadend behind the shelter we used last week, and instead we crossed the weir at the usual place. Piggy nearly catching me, but then reluctantly (heroically?) checking the option to the right. I pressed on, but of course promptly got the next V check wrong. I was still ahead, but Poo was breathing down my neck and when I paused for a moment unsure of whether we were on paper, he pounced and darted ahead. Enjoy it while you can, as shortly after he hit a circle check, but didn’t even see it. When I passed the trail to the right, I suspected another circle was coming, and so promptly ran back and slotted in with CW behind TMB as somehow they had caught up from the early misadventure! This was fun!!!

Another couple of checks and a final V check. TMB picked left – that is the obvious way, it heads towards the Tiger’s Head, so I commented to CW that she was probably right. I do apologise CW, I had her on a 10% chance… I checked straight towards the great trail that cuts over the hill, but bizarrely TMB called “ONON”. WTF?! How can she know? CW was confused but took off after her, while Turkish paused as well. I called “Checking” around the corner, over the gully and to the OnIn.

What an interesting run!!! The trails were 100% great! It was a great route, all on great running / hashing trails. I have no complaints at all. Checks are supposed to fuck us over, and boy some of these checks fucked us over, and some got fucked over more than overs, and in ways that the hares never imagined… but who cares? Great run, thanks hares!

10th September – CSH3 – Knockout & Sex Pistol

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The runsite was the strawberry place in Sameong – a nice A-site with great views. At the top of a hill, the trail had to set off downhill – which is fine, except that it means the trail will finish uphill – there is no way to avoid a climb at the end… But we had that to look forward to, first the start would be downhill…

I set off with Chuckie, and while protocol is to walk at the beginning, nature took us into a brisk jog. A circle check, and I spotted paper quickly, but had to navigate a small gully before I could call ON – an obstacle that would soon cause Poo & Cumalot similar navigational challenges. It was still downhill, but now back on the road we drove in on – DAMN! I wish I had looked in my mirrors more as I drove to the runsite!!! The out trail was just following our drive up the hill! A V-Check, I went left, CW did the dummy run to the right – I was so certain I was on, and was going well until I hit a false trail – NICE JOB hares! Back along the road and this time CW, TMB and I were all caught out by an invisible V check leading to a check back.

Another couple of checks and we got to a circle where nobody really wanted to give up the high ground. TMB checked up, Turkish straight. A Thai virgin headed reluctantly down to the right. I was lured to the right too as though a wailing banshee was beckoning me. Checking downhill is always a risk, a risk you might have to climb back up, but there were no other calls. The virgin was just smiling, but not finding paper, so I tried a bit harder, and sure enough – it was a brilliant check, leading through a tight gully, climbing back out and on to the road. As I got to the road, KO’s car came skidding to a stop with an impromptu beer stop. Sweet! I grabbed some water, and was very glad I did later…

From here we had a bit of tarmac time, heading towards the quarries, and I had a nagging bad feeling about the inevitable hill… The checks up until the beerstop we great, but from there it was hard to keep the pack together. One circle was around 130m, which brought Chuckie back, even though we knew it had to be that way. He retraced his steps once he saw me persisting that way, and sure enough the paper was there. There was no way to avoid the hill, but we had 5km in our legs before we started…. Why oh why? KO? You don’t like us?

As the climb started I wasn’t far off the front, CW was 100m ahead of HRA, 100m ahead of me. I kept on going, but one by one, hashers caught me up. When Cuckold passed, I thought – surely not?! Not long back I remember passing him on hills – he could never make it to the top without stopping! Today it was more of a pause than a stop… Taste My Buns went past in a flurry as though I was the only one going uphill! Poo was gentler, but didn’t want to wait for me. There was a little down, before another up. I managed to jog down a little, and scrambled to the top before lying down at the top for a rest – the humidity! Tadpole past by and I managed to get back to my feet as Turkish got there. There was some downhill, and I managed to jog a little, Turkish ahead, Alice behind. Alice caught up by the OnIn, and we were both relieved to be alive. Back at the resort, we opted for the stairs to climb back up – attempting some small talk, but mostly reverting to the age old cave man panting for communication.

All in all, it was a great trail – a tough one for sure, some great mentally challenging checks early on, and physically challenging later.

Alice:- Strawberry Fields Forever.

Picture a run
Across the spurs
On a hillside,
With 2 tangerine runners
And clear Samoeng skies.
Somebody calls you
You answer quite slowly
The girl with false trail in her eyes…

Blimey, these girls are setting the bar pretty high. Monday hares are on a hiding to nothing and Cuckold gives himself enough hidings as it is.

Knockout and Sex Pistolet combined for a scenic, challenging and varied run from the Strawberry Farm down Samoeng Rd. Thick white strips marked the trail, sometimes bent double but well sited – and well sighted. Checks were strips stapled together and obvious. That’s more than can be said about some of the On trails which were cunning if not difficult in places.
The trail curved a path down the spurs and thru some orchards then up and around with some stunning open vistas to enjoy on the return. Two Thai guys attracted by KO while setting joined us and really got into the spirit and ran well, especially Mr Happy!
I ran where I could and walked when I couldn’t and managed to keep up with Turkish and Blows Herself most of the run. Turkish grabbed the back of a flatbed SUV to pull himself up the worst gradient after I tried to work out if I could somehow catch and vault the tailgate.
After the steep section towards the end, I almost caught Byte my Yahoo who started jogging again as he sensed me approaching. I forebare to overtake after the On In narrowly saving the good Dr from the ignominy of a marriage proposal when he shouted On In. I was that happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was running on empty energy wise, although still had some water left.
We climbed the steep stairs to get back to the A, the thought of the winding, steep longer path didn’t appeal.
Top run, nice company, kind weather, fun circle, OnOn. And mental note not to fly with Poo after Chucky’s narrative to close the circle.