Tag Archives: Sloppy Rod

3rd June – CSH3 – Shagless & DGI

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The runsite was south beyond the known limits of humankind! I woke up thinking I probably wouldn’t bother, but when Sloppy offered me a ride, I figured I may as well go – it was Chuckie’s 400th run afterall! We set off early, dropping Sloppy’s shoes off and picking CW up before heading south. In a year, when the road is complete, it won’t be so bad, but it took a good hour and a half to get there!

The songthaew was of course late, just a little, and we were off just after the usual start. I jogged off and promptly went wrong at the first check. I checked too far, but by the time I got back to check we were no closer to solving it. WTH? All the pack were milling around – surely everything had been checked? I spotted Sheep Shagger in the field, just past some “scary” cows, pointing at something on the ground – JC headed towards him, and so did I. Sure enough he’d forgotten the words “ONON”, and finally we were off. I caught them up at the next check, and there was the hare on his bike. Hmmmm… I checked towards the hare, and spotted a road the arced around – I wasn’t on, but had a feeling I would be soon! Sure enough I ran into another circle, called it, and then tried to find the right way to get to it. From here the obvious way was over a concrete bridge? weir? I went over, and poked around for a bit, but found nothing. Going back the pack was converging, and the hare came along and hinted that maybe I hadn’t quite looked hard enough – I was back over the water, and this time got it, with Spitz Spunk hot on my tail.

We had a stretch through some dried out rice fields, which was quite tough going – it wasn’t easy to find the right pace as with every step your ankles got turned in different directions – walking was fine, but any kind of jog wasn’t easy. Sloppy got a lead, but it only lasted for 1 circle, before HRA took the front. The checks came quick and fast, and several times we went from circle to circle with the pack rotating nicely through a little village. Sheep Shagger egging me on with some short sprints. Clearly we were rotating right, and at some point we would have to cross the water again. Sloppy was leading again for a bit, and then HRA back at the front. Chuckie seemed to be constantly just off the front. I was working hard and finally got my break through an orchard. Finally I put together a sequence of checks and was trotting down a lane with CW not far behind.

The trail turned back into the uneven dried up rice fields, and with my knee / ankle history, I had to slow down. CW caught me up and we discussed the “obstacle” mentioned in the harebrief – clearly it was something to get us back across the water – if it was a balance obstacle, then I was fucked… if it was a wet feet obstacle, then CW was fucked! He slipped past, and after a longer stretch without checks, Sloppy appeared on my shoulder apparently with little regard for his ankles – he was in it to win it! He passed me at the beer stop. CW grabbed a beer and kept going, I grabbed a beer, and Sloppy just ran off – seriously? since when has Sloppy turned down free beer?!? It was a V check, but Shagless made it easy for me as CW & Sloppy were already heading in the right direction. I followed as other hashers were arriving and got to another circle by a rickety bridge.

CW had crossed the bridge and turned left. Sloppy had stayed this side of the water. I didn’t like the look of the bridge, but I knew home was the other side of the water and it looked as good an option as any. I gingerly edged my way across clinging to the metal handrails. As I got to the other side, CW was coming back from the left, but there was another fork, and he tried that one instead. He’d found a hash sign for the ONONON and was convinced. I made it across the bridge and headed to the right. Sheep Shagger almost caught me up as I finally hit paper…! I’d been going steady for a while, so I still had something in my legs. I made the call and ran!

One more check…. a V check… and when I hit it, it really was a 50/50. Damnit! I didn’t have enough time to be wrong. The mud trail to the left looked tempting – I took 2 steps that way, and then stuck with the road. Around a corner and I could see paper into the distance. Run Forest Run! Poor Sheep Shagger had no choice but to take care of my discarded trail, and so when it straightened out, and when I looked over my shoulder it was Chuckie trudging along behind. A final corner and there was the ONIN. Sorry Sloppy you didn’t get your “triple win”!

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

2nd Jan – CH3 – Sloppy Rod

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Without question, this was the best run so far this year! Way out past Baan Pong resort, so I just popped over for the run and headed home. Legs were still a bit stiff from Saturday, so I struggled to get going, but trotted along with Greasy across the dam at the start. Good to see some long time returners visiting for the holidays.

At the end of the dam, of course there was a circle check. Brownie scuttled off to the right, towards the dreaded hill the hare took us up not long back. I went left, and followed Greasy to the powder. The circle hidden from view of the road, but we’d driven in this way, and I hadn’t seen any powder. I followed Greasy to the left, and then he led the way towards the lake. Greasy was nailing them one after another, while everyone else went wrong.

I kept it steady, not out of choice, but out of stiff legs. Another check, and this one took a bit longer, even though it had to be away from the lake. A great trail was a real temptation, so I went further than I should have done. When it was called to the right, I went much further trying to find a way across, but eventually stumbled on a circle check, not long before Brownie got there. Graven & Brownie followed me as we went onto smaller trails, passing several opportunities for checks before we cut back down to the main trail.

Around the corner we went to the right of a lake, and then a circle check. I looked over my shoulder and everyone else turned around as though it was a false trail. I was the only one climbing the hill to check until Scooby joined me, but there were too many options. Finally some of the FRBs came back and started to help, but sadly Turkish didn’t come back – he went 300m++ past the circle to find powder and then started calling ONON as though he was saving our life! He lured the pack to short cut and we headed back to the A bucket – at least I stayed quiet when I missed a bit of the trail…

29th December – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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Shhhhhhhh! Something is stirring in the weird and wonderful world of Chiang Mai hashing. Something totally unexpected and totally marvellous to behold. No, I am not talking about the ‘second coming’ of Turkish delight to the Happy Hash, I am referring to the growing but yet unsubstantiated belief that we are now beginning to set much longer hash runs, and we are somehow able to run them faster, much faster, despite our advancing age profile.

Now I recall the time, not so long ago, when hares on one particular hash were advised/instructed by one particular GM, perhaps on the advice/instructions of a former GM or two of the same hash, to set hash runs at around 5k, suitable for runners and walkers alike, no need for a Wimp/Rambo split. But now it seems that this learned, insightful advice is being rapidly chipped away from that particular tablet of stone.

But is it in fact true? Are we running longer and faster? Well, according to my own data since returning to Chiang Mai at the end of October this year, yes, indeed it appears to be so. Runs of 5-6k have increased generally to 7-8k, and during November and December, before this Happy Hash, I have recorded runs at 7.59, 8.09, 8.69 and 8.89k at average speeds of up to 10.3k.

So then, it was with curiosity and post Christmas cheer that I joined the merry throng of many hashers for Prof Byte and Human X’s seasonal offering. Could it be that they too would continue the trend of longer runs? Would we hashers be able to keep up the increased tempo? Well it all started very seasonably, if not a little disturbingly, with a seasonably merry (drunk?????) Byte giving a hare brief about a run he couldn’t remember setting. Excellent example for Human X on his long-awaited co-hare debut! Suddenly, Byte somehow remembered that he had forgotten to put out paper for the false trails – if indeed there were any false trails – and with the inebriated bum still handing out strips of paper to the FRB’s just in case there were false trails out there, we all headed out on trail.


Now I am going to say here that Byte always, well almost always, manages to set a very good trail, particularly for the FRB’s who like the challenge of a well placed check or two. And this trail was no exception. I have to say also that although we were running from a well-used A site area, most of the trails were new to me and I very quickly became disorientated by the hares’ clever tricks of the trade – three successive false trails, WTF?

The trails were for the most part great for running, wide dirt trails and single forest trails interspersed with some unwelcome but probably unavoidable hard-top. I must admit, I got most of the checks completely, ashamedly wrong! Nice job hares, you bastards! And now to the speed of hashers on trail. We seem to have attracted some very good runners lately so that the FRB pack is growing. Lizard Gizzard is always out at the front and is of an age where running at our old-age pace is a breeze for his youthful physique. And we had new blood, James, and a returning visitor who called himself ‘No Name’. With some coaching, virgin James helped out with the checks from the off, as did No Name, until James got frightened by a couple of yappy dogs and jumped screaming into the open arms of Knockout for protection. So even without the likes of Piggy and Chucky, we still had the likes of Buns, Gravy, Sloppy, Scooby, Poo, Gizzard, James and No Name helping up front and definitely pushing the pace, which for me came in at a 9.1k average. Not quite the 10.3k average achieved on a previous run, but certainly pretty fast for this run and for hashing in general, I would say. Lets hope that James and No Name hang around for a while, sure would be welcome additions to our little hashing community.

Oh yes, nearly forgot Turkish Delight’s frantic efforts to drag himself through a whole heap of shiggy-shit that was blocking his way on one of his infamous short-cutting expeditions. It was a thing of beauty to behold and to hear his yells and screams of pain as we passed him bye almost without a single word of encouragement. “Die, you bastard.” was all Gravy could offer in that regard, or words to that effect.

As for the distance, well it was even longer than longer. For me, a full 10k hash run, set without a Wimp / Rambo split, although some form of short cut option was offered at some point, or so it was said. And nobody complained, smiles all round, especially from James who had his head up Knockout’s shirt when they eventually arrived back at the A, apparently still hiding from those pesky yapping dogs. Yeah, right! Great hasher in the making! And Lizard Gizzard wasn’t at all worried by his girl’s late arrival because he has her followed by a tracking app so he knows exactly where she is every single second of every single day. Creepy, man. Mr Poo is going to get one to keep track of Knockout, or so he says.

Funny circle conducted by prof Byte was washed down by free hash beer. In fact the entire event was free to one and all, courtesy of our always happy, Happy Hash Hash Cash. Nice one, Gravy, and nice one Prof Byte and particularly Human X who’s hair continues to impress us all.

Ball Breaker next week? If our normal runs are reaching 10k, god knows how long the BB will be. Let’s hope its a good one whatever the distance :-)

10th Dec – CSH3 – Superman & Superbitch

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The Sups family teamed up for an adventure behind the Night Safari. With more than 2,000 runs between them, and in their own backyard – we could surely expect a hashing treasure?!

The hare brief didn’t sound overly confident – something about being chased by the police or army or something? Hmmm… We set off and Just Cuming & Sheep Shagger ran off up the hill… WTF? Up the hill? Even Brownie felt he had to run to stay ahead, while Poo and I trudged up with Jingly Titties wondering what had happened to the world. A KM or so without checks, and a gruelling KM up up UP! Finally we broke left and had a fun, fast run back down the hill. Brownie leading until he got a check wrong and finally we got to the bottom just behind Tasty, and another circle check. This circle would fox us for a LONG, long time… There was simply no trail off it. We searched left, we searched right, we hacked around in shiggy, and nothing…. I had pretty much given up and decided to head around the road, and poked around here or there, while the rest of the pack also hunted for paper. A group of us got together, and finally we found another circle check – around 500m along the road from the previous circle. It was clear the trail had been tampered with…


All the hashers seemed happy to have found trail again, while I was thinking a beer might be nice. Sure enough I got that check wrong, and Graven was the first to lead us up a scramble where Brownie was really struggling to get his footing. We followed paper into the jungle and then no more paper. No check… No paper… Nothing… Nada… We all spread out, and again, we were foxed for some time. This time it was as though the hare had forgotten to put the check there, or somehow hidden it so cleverly that nobody found it. Poo called from the right, but by then I was on the next hill, poking around. I continued, and ended up in a overgrown mess, with calls coming from all around. I hacked my way through shitty shiggy, and finally came to somekind of a trail, and immediately a circle. Perfect, pristine, untouched! I just didn’t know where the circle fitted into the run, and certainly wasn’t in any place to call… I checked to the left a bit, nothing, back and up the hill, and I heard Brownie and Graven approaching from the right just before I found the paper… OnOn! That worked out nicely!

At the next check Brownie and Graven were closing me down – I didn’t dare look back, but it did sound like they were skipping and holding hands, and when I checked straight they were definitely following me. It was a narrow trail, so I pondered how they were holding hands AND moving so quickly! Another circle and I took off to the right while they went straight on the main trail… Come on boys, I’d just heard you talking about how you would get off the main trail if you were the hare, but then again, I guess you needed the wider trail to check together? 😛

I found paper, and headed on some serious zigzag chicanes down to the ‘cut through’ with Tasty not far behind. We zigged left, we zagged right, we zigged left again, and at the cut through I was running along hoping to stay ahead of Tasty, when BAM! no more paper… Again… A feeble voice from up ahead and pretty randomly there was Sloppy Rod! Where had he appeared from? Was he doing the run, or just jogging around randomly… He wasn’t on paper, and nor were we. I decided I was thirsty enough to give up on this and headed back, drawing a few of the hashers with me to the safe route up the road to the beer. It would have been a great trail with a few more checks, and without someone sabotaging it!

26th November – CSH3 – Cuckold

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Cuckold teamed with Dodgy Cock for a run out in Maejo. Last week I went backwards, so why not go backwards again today? The OnOnOn was at Baxtah’s in Souf Chiang Mai, and quite a few of the out of towners made the effort to head in, myself included. I had a damn fine burger, and extra fries, with excellent service – if only Cuckold had spent a little less time with the karaoke mic in his hand! Ubered my way home for 95B (-75B discount) = total 20B – not bad, not at all bad! Let me know if you want a discount code 😉

Anyway, hours before the drunken mayhem happened at the ononon, we were in Maejo, and I was carefully driven by my None of Your Business. Finally he was back on the hash, and fit enough to run the first part at least. In the harebrief we were told that we were running on leafsized paper, which the hares called “orange”, but a more accurate shade was “autumnal”. It was as though the haree had selected some dried leaves, headed to a paper mill and asked them to make a batch of leaf coloured paper. Inspired…. or not….

We set off and finally distinguished some paper from the leaves, and then promptly a circle check in the water run off. Mhmmm… Nobody bought it, except me, as I was first there, and obligated to check across the other side. I did, and turned right, to rejoin the pack at the next check. Brownie struggled to follow paper through a bit of shiggy, so I took over at the front, and luckily got first choice at the next check down the main trail… I was running well, and promptly got the next one wrong. I joined Sloppy, and as we passed a junction he stopped, chuckled, and turned back laughing as he had seen an autumnal leaf down the trail to the right… Sadly for him, it was an autumnal leaf, and not the indication of a false trail ahead.

We had got to the square lake, and headed right towards the hills. Another check, and while checking it was called to my left – Sloppy went back, Graven and I went the other way around and rejoined trail. Brownie had the lead and was off sucking up orange squares like pacman. As the rest of us reached a mainish junction we were more sceptical. Why no check? Knowing the trails, there was only one reason for there not to be a check there – we would be back to another trail that wasn’t far away… Note to hares- you could have put a V-check there…

Further down a circle, and Brownie was way off paper, and I led the pack into a field, with a sneaky circle in the middle of the field… Nicely played hares, nicely played. Sloppy called that one when the rest of us were way out of the picture, and then came the epic FRB game play from the Slopster. NO surprise he ran away before the circle started… Up ahead we could see him dart off to the right, and then come back and say he found a circle, but thought he saw some paper to the right. MOFO! All he saw was a complete deadend, but he played it to his advantage… and advantage that didn’t last long. I’m sure he wasn’t disoriented, but checking left at the next check made no sense to me.

The trail was starting to piece together for me, and at 5km in, I didn’t like the prospect of the hill that was still ahead, but it was there, and no way of avoiding it… Why oh why were the hares going to punish us like that??? In some ways it is an advantage to know the area, and in some ways I wish I didn’t know what was coming… Another check, and the rest of the pack checked straight (durrrh), and I was the only one to go right. I was on… sadly on… heading back to close to where there had been no checks before, and as trails were very close, of course there were still no checks. I pressed on alone, calling, and hearing faint calls from behind. Uphill.. I ran for a while, walked for a while, tried to keep pushing, knowing there was no avoiding the ridge at the top… Yes, this late into the run, the hares were going to take us all the way to the ridge.

Very few checks… Not many options on the way up, and had I been behind I would probably have cracked, but I pressed on, knowing that somewhere behind Brownfinger was chasing… What checks there were I got right, until I didn’t. I thought the hares would head towards the 5 way split, but perhaps they weren’t sure where they were and took the mainer looking trail? I went left, and nothing. I went the long way around – there were no calls from the other direction and I had a bit of a lead, so I just managed to pop up back on trail just ahead of Turkish and Brownie.

From there, holy fuck… seriously holy fucking fuckity fuck fuck… There were no more checks, it was a straight on fuckity run run… Every step I took had Brownie right behind me, pushing me, and with him was Cotton Buds? I forget the visitors name… He was coughing like Poo. It was only the narrow trails that stopped them from passing me… while I was close to collapsing, somehow Brownie was able to maintain a steady commentary of the run behind… “You can do it… Byte, it’s just another 10 metres… These are the ones that count… You’re going to do it… Good job!” How can he speak??? How is that human? Finally there was the road, and the onin… I was ready to collapse… I let Brownie overtake if he brought me a beer back – he didn’t….

8.66km… A tough run for a Saturday hash. It worked for me, but for the hash there should have been a lot more checks in the second half as the pack stretched out a lot. It was a really great run for the runners, with great checks in the first half, but probably a little long for a regular Saturday run?

12th November – CSH3 – Sloppy Rod

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Mini Ball Breaker time. Sloppy and CW had scouted the shit out of this run, I had high expectations heading out to the runsite, this would be engineered to the highest level! The signs led us well past Baan Pong resort, which confused Sheep Shagger & Big Top, but finally we all got there ready for a slightly late start. The hare brief was thorough.

We set off, and although we were deep into the hills, the trails were immediately familiar – I felt like I was on a Belly Dancer run… Yikes! Familiar trails, so some familiar checks – I nailed the first few, even though the checks were cleverly placed, so the out trails weren’t obvious – memories help! We headed over to the rocket launcher lake and trail went the long way around a field before a circle check. My first instinct was to follow the main trails towards where the BB had gone, but after a quick survey, I picked across the dam. The trail had arced nicely around so that the route across the dam wasn’t obviously visible. Nice work hares – I thought I had them and headed to the dam… Nothing up on the dam, and nothing to be seen in the distance. Surely I was over 100m from the check? Damnit, I went back and headed down the obvious trail and TMB called out from the bushes that there was nothing there. I was flummoxed. Finally HRA called from over near the dam – the MOFO bastard hares had gone over the dam, but disguised their approach, and I must have been within inches of finding their paper on my first guess.

Over the dam we went, and then a Wimp Rambo split. From here the checks were less frequent – less opportunities to put checks as we entered a valley. I tried to keep pace, but also tried to save energy for the anticipated 13km. 3km in and I was feeling shaky. I was dripping with sweat. So much that anyone behind me on trail would have been slipping on the wet trails like a thunderstorm had been through. The trail turned upwards, and I hated it. I thought I was mentally ready for a 13km ball breaker, but at the first real challenge, I was broken. Climbing hills I try to keep the philosophy of keeping going, but today I am disappointed in myself. I broke. I paused and leaned on a tree, with sweat pouring off me like a thunderstorm. The pack passed. Some cursing, some screaming (ONON), most cursing to be honest… I stopped several times on the climb. It was steep – I think I have been there just once before – 20th May 2013 (does anyone have the GPS of Belly’s AGFU run???).

Finally we summited and Knock Out was there waiting for me, or probably Poo who was just behind me. We descended the other side, and I could hear people ahead, but the trail down (for me) was treacherous… I certainly didn’t feel comfortable at more than a walk, and mostly I was picking my footing to avoid falling over, or falling off. I was shaky, and hopefully wasn’t holding up the group of Poo, KO and ABB. The was a check ahead, and as I descended slowly towards it, it seemed there was a huge group of hashers just stood there, until eventually Cumalot called from further down the hill – why hadn’t the FRBs found it already? Was I back in it? Meh, the trail was still the kind of trail that I inched along and before long there was silence ahead.

Finally we levelled out and I started striding forwards, only to immediately turn my left ankle in a hidden hole. DAMNIT!!!!! I should just resign to this not being my weekend. As we came out into an orchard, KO said that it looked like where we set the run a few months back. Impossible, but my mind raced, and suddenly I knew where we were again. And as we turned left I was happy to know we were heading towards a really nice cut through back to the main big lake. Poo took off, leaving us behind, and I mixed walking and jogging to get through to the beer stop. Water stop? No water? WTF? No hares? From Strava the FRBs had set off just ahead of us, but when we got there, there was just an ice bucket of beers… It took less than a nanosecond for me to make a decision, and I made the true hashers decision to grab a beer. And a while later, Poo and I walked back to the A… Not what I had planned, and from looking at the maps, the end parts of the run look really interesting… Thanks hares!

The final moments of the run was Taste My Buns running in a couple of hundred metres ahead of Graven and Brownie – who weren’t holding hands, at least they weren’t when they saw us watching…

13th August – CSH3 – Shagless & Doesn’t Get It

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Without looking at directions, like a magnet I was drawn toward canal road. Sure enough there were signs to the left and to a brand new runsite. A new runsite, and certainly for me 100% virgin trails. That takes away any advantage I may have! We set off with Belly Dancer doing his trademark (farewell) sprint start… I followed, and he was visibly happy when the first check appeared – I don’t think he would have been sprinting much further. From the first circle I could see paper off to the left, and of course headed over. The 2nd circle, I ducked and spotted paper through the orchard and things were going well early on!

Then we got to some V checks. CW went right on the first V check, and found no check back. The 2nd V check I went left and just ran out of paper, before going back left and also running out of paper. There was much confusion with hashers all over the place. Finally HRA found the trail crawling past a barbed wire post into an orchard. Meandering through an orchard for just a while before returning to the road. On the road I was pretty sure I could see something unusually white in the distance to the right, so set off after HRA, while Sloppy and Buns headed out into the rice fields. I had locked in on definite white paper when finally Sloppy called in the field. Piggy & Turkish were quick enough to follow me rather than go back the long way around, and sure enough we were on paper again. Turkish only wanted to follow feigning no idea what was going on, but I lost him at the next check, as Piggy followed me. Another circle, and I arrived with Piggy – he headed left, and my gut said he was correct. I was very slow checking right. I paused to retie my shoe lace. Looking back, everyone else was also following Piggy to the left, but why hadn’t he called? OK… I jogged forwards and there was the paper… On On and to the Beer stop, just ahead of Bow Wow and Head Hacker, who amazingly had got lucky along the road!

A beer stop, right next to a circle check. A road. Both sides were rice fields, and the hare brief had said only follow the marked burns… Hashers scattered, and I sauntered. Into a little property looked tempting – the kind of place you ask and get permission from! A flash of white on a tree ahead. Sweet! OnOn! The call brought hashers charging from all directions, the GM notably dancing his own route across the burns. Worse still was the Turk and KO, who just said fuck the trail, I’ll trample the rice fields and rejoin further ahead. With Turkish ahead, CW was like a greyhound. Turkish was the short cutting bastard (as usual), but CW couldn’t resist chasing him down like a gazelle chasing a hippo in a weird cartoon. I plodded along and got to another beer stop.

I would like to apologise to the hares, for my bad form here. I didn’t take the 2nd beer and headed off after the leaders like a racist bastard. My behaviour was incorrect, and I regret it. Sadly there were 2 racists ahead of me who also missed out on a comforting beer. I’d rather not talk about the end of the run… the strava flyby says it all… Great run hares – the checks came thick and fast, and were confusing from the start to the last. You definitely caught me out, and if I am running to catch up with Pamela, Sups and Geisha Gash only to catch Belly Dancer at the OnIn, then good job!

25th July – CH3 – Shagless

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A Shagless run from the flatlands in between the Hang Dong Road and the river. This is Skidmark land! Harebrief over, and we set off, with only CW and I making any early efforts. A V-check, and I went left, paper, paper, paper, nothing, nothing, nothing… I hunted around for a check back, but none to be seen – fortunately CW called ONON to the next check, and the checks were coming fast! I love it! Straight back into the mix as everyone was going wrong, but plenty of checks had everyone milling around together. At last I managed to string a sequence together and got a bit of a lead – the trail turned right and arrived at a “bridge”.

A bridge:-
noun
1.
a structure spanning and providing passage over a river, chasm, road, or the like.

I guess that is a fairly loose definition of a bridge… But does a thin piece of bamboo casually dropped across a raging river count as a structure? It certainly spanned the gap, but it didn’t provide passage for this hasher. I put a foot on it, and thought better of it. Ack. So frustrating! I could see a check on the other side, and I could also see paper in the distance to the left… But I couldn’t get over… The clock was ticking, and shortly CW arrived with Sloppy. They politely asked me to get out the way, and danced across the treacherous balance beam. Damnit!!! I tried to find another way… And when I say I tried to find another way, I mean it – It took me around 2.5km, but eventually I found another way across.

Sadly by that time, and by the time I found paper again, I was a long, long, long way behind. Not much later, there was another bridge, that just seemed to have a little too much balance requirement, so again I went back and found a safer crossing. I was sorely tempted to head home, but I also needed the exercise, so I carried on. Eventually I saw Tiptoe, Does Nothing and Bone Smoker ahead, and slowly reeled them in as we crossed the rice fields, but when we hit the road they ignored it and turned left to short cut their way back. It was tempting, but I turned right and pushed myself over more dodgy bridges, and finally made it back to the circle some time after the majority. Good run, if you like that kind of “bridge”!

Sat 16th July – CSH3 – Chuck Wao

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The GM stepped up to set from the disco shelter… The A-site has changed a bit from its former glory days – now the mattress on the floor stands out from the burnt out shell of other mattresses and piles of trash. At least it didn’t stink, but I’d dread to think what it’s been used for over the past few years. Nonetheless we could get vehicles in, and we set up for the run.

We set off around the crematorium and up the hill. An early False Trail caught me out – having not paid attention to the harebrief, I was familiar with False Trails being marked with an “FT”, not just a bar, even by international standards. Not to worry, we went back and continued on trail, but it wasn’t long before I hit my 2nd false trail after finding paper off a circle. The checks were coming fast and the pack was together, following Sex Pistol up the hill. Everywhere I could have gone wrong I did, but then there was the call of false trail up ahead, and so I threw myself off the side of the hill down a gully to paper.

Not long after I found myself coming back from the wrong way at a V-check. At this point it was about “Hare 6-Byte 0”. A visitor from Spain led the way with Sloppy & I following. A circle in the field, and this one had home team advantage written all over it. I wasn’t thinking of checking anywhere except where Sloppy was headed, and we let the Spaniard head in the wrong direction. From here I could just about plot a map back to the A, and I wasn’t far off. The nice trail running along the bottom of the ridge, with a brief sojourn into the hill to let Piggy take a tumble, and Turkish take a short cut that ultimately didn’t help him. The pace was picking up, and HRA reappeared in the mix. Now I started predicting the false trails and stopped being caught out. A run that started out with me getting everything wrong, ended with me getting it all right, and there was the OnIn, cars and beer…

Sloppy, the Spaniard, Piggy & Cuckold all felt the need to do the run twice. The hare’s intention was to get a 45 minute run, but it is an inexact science. Sometimes it is misjudged and the run ends up a bit longer than intended, sometimes it is a bit shorter, they are all hash runs, and I was quite happy to grab a beer and enjoy my shower.