Category Archives: CH4 – Sunday

15th March – CH4 – Taste My Buns

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By Alice:

There’s dark forces at work I say. First the email announcing the Happy hash hared by TMB and Foxy Cleo. Then the website announces TMB will be assisted by Brownfinger. Have evil spirits invaded the supercomputer at CM Hash HQ? I wonder. Quite possibly I muse as 45 minutes before the run I’m enjoying a latte at Dutch Farm. And not enjoying spitting it out as I recall Cartoon’s dreadful joke about Poo, KO and the prize bull!

Suddenly a phone rings. Some bastard ruins my latter reverie. FMDD it’s my phone!
Hello, is that Alice? intones an edumacated Anglo-Scottish accent.
There doesn’t seem to be a sign on the turn from the 118 towards Country Cabin….
Hello HRA, that’s probably because we’re in SanKampeng today and Doi Saket is Saturday and I don’t set HHH signs 2 days in advance!
Much harrumphing and wonderment. Lucky you forgot about the 5pm run start too H! At least you had good time to scoot over to SKP!

Having been poorly I turned up for new territory and a nice walk. I got both, apart from the first km which was Tarmac down the hill away from the A and then stony forest trail back up the hill 30m above the road.

Trail was well marked in small playing card sized white paper. There were loops and switchbacks often tight, which meant a cunning perambulator had a chance to catch up, keep up and even take the lead after about 4 checks. We’d got to a V on the side of a forested hill. Hashers were going in all directions for some reason. I stood with Happy Ending at the V and we could see a circle 150m up to our right. Why Does Nothing and his crew chose left, why Angry ran away from the circle, only a full frontal lobe analysis would reveal.

I yomped up past the circle on the only obvious trail to find….paper 100m further on. Browny caught up here and I think Chucky. At the next check, a vision appeared like Bealzebub risen from the darkness of Hell. A vision that hadn’t been present at the hare brief and was now front and centre, but looking sheepish and keeping quiet. Red cap, small horns, hairy legs but no trident: the Turk! HTF had that happened?

Onwards to a concealed beer stop on the canal side as we exited the forest after a descent. I saw a group ahead so checked right and back in the woods. Little did I know they were standing about drinking.

Over the canal in last place and over the opposite ank and down into the Shiggy. If the FRBs looped around in a big anti clockwise circle I could possibly rejoin the pack. Way across a vast rice field I see coloured shirts. Result! Crossing the deep shiggy with hidden stream then 200m of humid, insect infested rice paddy was my reward.

I was walking fairly well and ahead of half the pack. At the famed Spider Check I followed PiPi and his girl who walked through a bar to short cut to potential trail just as Cartoon had doe minutes previously. We got our feet wet there in boggy ground and crossed a bridge that had seen better days. The main beams were strong but much of the wood was rotten or absent. Where’s Doggie and Byte when you need them?

Somewhere here I lost my sunnies and suddenly we were into forest following pink from a FT check up right. A cute loop on a walkway over a small loop was avoided as I saw the fleet footedShagless circle around to the same side. Up a ramp and voila, the A site again. Just over 4 for me, perfect for a sick puppy.

Like the Scarlet Pimpernel, Turkish was nowhere to be seen, having been ordered off the premises by TMB for fcuking up her third run in a row. Apparently he’d turned up late and ignored hare’s orders to follow paper right and loop round to catch the pack, only 5 minutes ahead. As if. Turkish had obviously gone left, scaled the 20m rock face and made his own way to intersect trail from below just infront of the FRBs. But orders are orders and he disobeyed his.

1st March – CH4 – Bend Over

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

A day off work! Woot Woot! No public drinking, so only one place to go, the hash. Bendover stepped in at the last minute to help out when Blows Herself got sick – she got better enough to run though!

A familiar spot along Sameong Road, and when I parked up, it was likely the hill would be involved. Harebrief done, and we set off. I guessed the first few checks right, hugging the rubber wall. I even managed to talk Brownie into checking the wrong way up. Finally the inevitable happened and we were climbing, with the pack all close together. A V-check where Tasty nobly took the trail back down the hill, and the rest of us continued up. I’ve been up and down this hill so many times over the years, and pushed on up. It is a serious climb…

Finally a check, and I turned sharp left, following Brownie I later found out – it was a gimme… The trail started down a bit, traversing the side of the mountain. The pack were thundering along behind, and so I edged to the side to let Brownie pass, which we didn’t until Graven came charging up. I let them both head off to the beer stop. Beer stop protocol is an ongoing debate… I sat for a while… it was hot… I was hot… I set off with Tasty and Brownie and Cartoon, but it wasn’t long before the pack caught us. I was down to a slow jog, as the pack caught up at a strangely placed circle check.

I went back a bit and spotted some paper, and as I was about to call “ON”, my call changed to “OH SHIT!” as there was a terrifying bridge over a chasm of death! Or well, a few branches to scramble across a metre or so drop. I edged my way over on my ass while Strangely Anal stood behind debating whether to call ONON or not. Once I was free, I called and set off, holding the pack off until the ladder climb. We got to a mainer trail and I was sure we had to go right back to the A, but the quarry has grown, and also the paper was leading us up into an orchard. I was sceptical, which gave Chuckie his chance to take command.

Another circle – the last – foxed me completely as I was sure we would go back to the mainer trail. Nope, Chuckie was right, and I walked in a bit behind the pack. Nice set, lots of climbing, lots of descending.

1st Feb – CH4 – Blows Herself

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CH4 Blows and Alice 1/2/18

As hare – it paper boy – you have enough responsibility scouting, signing, setting, trying to keep Blows from er blowing up, and and and…but today what went on, unknown during and after the hash, was far, far worse than what we had that were known. Excuse my Rumsfeld moment.

Pays By The Inch Ubered it to the hash but didn’t understand the HHH signage – is she related to Frozen and Ben Dover? She didn’t realize what the arrow means. Ooooow!

So it’s getting near 4:30, she jumps out and runs up and down to and from the Grand Canton for 2km till she locates the A site. Spot the mistake.

She slings her bumbag in the songthao and takes off after the pack at 4:50 approximately. Crucially she neglects to tell LungLa she is here and leaves her phone in the said bumbag. Spot the compounding errors.

She follows paper successfully for the most part. Alas her understanding of V’s extends to ignoring connecting paper breadcrumbs and running the check back route every time because it’s torn out that way.

After an hour of running almost every check back and false trail – there were four I think – putting totally unnecessary mileage on the run and not catching up even with walkers, she eventually located the ravine off the last FT in the forest and makes her way down this tricky gulley in fast fading light to the circle check in the stream bed below.

She mills around here, unable to see or locate paper on the ground. BH says it was there but maybe it was just too dark by now.

Night closes in, she is nervous, worried and very alone. She turns off her Strava to save her watch battery and somehow navigates a trail out of the deep, dark forest. Her route will forever remain a mystery as there was no Strava record.

She follows the trail, hears a far motorbike and comes thru the farmlands to a property. It’s already around 7 pm. They point her in the direction of a guy on a scooter and she runs with him – for some reason – down to the Grand Canyon road. A half click later she’s back at the empty A in the dark at 7:30pm. 2:40 after starting her ill advised jaunt. She walks to Canal Rd and somehow gets transport home to Nimman area. Fuck my dead dog.

Meanwhile, the second songthao with LungLa stops at the lights on Canal Rd by Alice’s scooter. Cameltoe jumps out and hands this mystery bumbag to Blows, with instructions to give to the hot Korean chic Suckit brought to the run.

Suckit and his guests go home, not Yummy. Blows Herself refuses to look inside the bumbag for reasons too fucked up to waste any time on. Eventually someone with half a wit does and yes, it’s a Korean phone and a Korean credit card. OK. Can contact Suckit and and and.
Hold on a mo, Cumalot and Poo work out its PBTI phone and plastic. Wtf? She wasn’t at the run – oh yes she was! We try to work out when she’d left it on the songthao. Monday Bunny? Saturday CSH?

Her number is called but of course the mob in her bag just rings. Eventually Poo makes contact with her and parts of the tale spill out.
Alice and BH promise to reunite her and bumbag at Euro later on and we meet her and bf Brian.

She’s been thru a lot that evening – recrims and make up with bf notwithstanding – and she buys us a drink.

The details reveal themselves and Alice admits incredulity. How she got out safely from the circle in the forest in the dark, off paper trail she thinks, will forever be a mystery as the Strava was off.

So she was all alone on trail for 2 hours plus totally unknown to anyone….

Don’t try this at home folks!

Back to the run. After 7+ km Cameltoe was the ‘winner’ with Browny and Piggy in hot pursuit. Foxy and Bendover were the fastest walkers in over the 4.5km.
Frozen admits to running a hybrid trail – I think I know what that probably means and involves but he made it back – last!

I need a lie down.

25th Jan – CH4 – Alice

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Brownfinger…

Sometimes I wonder why I bother to pull on my tired and crumbling running shoes and head on out to the hills for yet another Chiang Mai hash. There have been many times when the hare(s) has not made much of an effort setting trail, has sent us on a boring 20 minute road run, or had us all lost in the forest in the dark before sending out a few local Thais with shotguns to find us and lead us home – yes BD, you know who you are, buddy. But in more recent times, there seems to be a resurgence of those hashers and hares that take pride in their work, who actually enjoy scouting out good areas to run, laying fine trails that take in the delights of the bountiful, gorgeous scenery that Chiang Mai has to offer. And today, my happy Chiang Mai hashers, today was one of those days that makes you want to hash every fucking day!

The run was in a familiar area, near the large Doi Saket dam. We were in the area for the ball breaker in January and, probably unsurprisingly, the hares for the day were a duo from the quartet that set the ball breaker who intended to use some unused trails found when scouting said BB. A lot of hashers congregated at the A site, which was in the parking lot for the local
primary school. Now, a group of old, grisly men in a primary school car park at closing time would usually raise an eyebrow or two, especially from the parents who had gathered to collect their precious little darlings. But this is Thailand, and it it seems that we are considered as more of an amusing fair ground show than anything. At one point, circus clown Graven Image was seen attempting to climb on the back of the almost full school bus, but thankfully his wizened old legs meant he couldn’t get his leg over the tailgate . . .

ooh, er, missus.

Anyway, with the promise of a 7k plus run and bright orange paper to follow we set off along nice dirt trails heading towards the big old dam wall. There was some trail through shiggy, but not the skin-shredding kind; there were fine dirt trails that skirted the hills and at every turn I felt this strange urge to head towards them. And all the time I was looking for the false trail opportunities that had been promised but never materialised – a clever ploy hares – bastards! And then finally we did head north, as it were, and up onto that weird layered terrace overlooking the dam in its entirety. It looks like it has been chiselled out of flint. I have been up there on a few occasions, most notably when scouting for the 50k run we did a few years ago. I remember the views from then, and they are still as magnificent to behold: winding, spring-green hills as a backdrop, acres of blue water sparkling like sapphires in the late afternoon sun. God I love hashing like this. But then we had to come down, down from our lofty perch via a chalky slope that had TMB, Grave, Angry and I slipping and sliding like Olympic ice skaters.

Son of Robin Banks, Camel Toe, came to join us at the front of the pack and he took the lead heading across the dam wall – glorious, even though the running was on the dreaded hard mix – until he missed the paper at the end of the wall going down a steep flight of concrete stairs. TMB was first down and called a Circle Check. I followed to ensure that I could help her back up again when the onon was called from above – huh, humm! But nothing doing, TMB found paper going all the way down the stairs and we were on again, the youthful Camel Toe, Graven and Angry still up aloft.

And from there it was a fairly straightforward run back home, some of it along the out trail, where we found Alice half way along what I would describe as a low earth sea wall, or flood defence, waiting at the OnIn to photo-capture bedraggled hashers on his well-used mobile phone.

A great run Blows Herself and Alice, a lot of effort and beautiful results. Let’s hope that this positive trail setting trend continues to evolve so that we can all enjoy the wonderful Chiang Mai countryside every dam time we hash – hooorah!

18th Jan – CH4 – Brown Finger & Taste My Buns

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Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast)

By Alice…


The new power couple of CM H3 joined forces to scout and set in the woods behind Suckit’s des res. What did we expect – apart from scurrilous rumours, naff jokes about knee injuries and innuendos about bush? Well we expected a top run and …. we got it.

Funnily enough the first check was a bollocks up. Why have a check after 150m when the pack are all TOGETHER defeats me. Frozen had only done 50m as he’d short cut from the off!

Some headed right up along the fence towards the forest. Some kept on straight. After OnOn was called right there was more confusion than the charge of the Light Brigade.
Htf can you call Onon wrongly? Actually very easily, as the sloppy hares had neglected to remove or spot TWO old Graven asscrack strips. Granted I only saw one – but Anyone swears there was a second to the right and she was 100m ahead of me. I can vouch for one. Couldn’t credit they’d left that there. It was a bit despoiled suggesting it wasn’t fresh that morning so old paper it was. Hares must have been staring into each others’ eyes or similar…
My toes were hurting like buggary after a shite pedicure so I walked a bit with Browny sweeping his trail. Taste my Runs had gone off ahead running her own trail and swearing she’d give no clues. Not a big fan of that but some hares are adamant it is their right. I did on my first couple of runs as I was nervous about my set but after a while I realized it wasn’t popular and ffs you work enough scouting and setting the damn trail.

After I left Browny there were long minutes of silent green therapy as I wound around the wondrous trails, with joy in my heart and pain in my big toes.

Catching Sticky Wicket, it was time for enjoyable footy talk and regret that he’s not made contact when in Saudi for 2 years.

Onwards we romped, Motorboat and Toy Boat close by as the trail headed deeper and twisted hither and thither. Most checks were easy to follow but some places paper was dropped AT the check or started 30m away which both don’t assist much.

I started jogging about halfway and passed Does Nothing striding along contentedly having put some yardage between himself and the Tibetan twins Humpty Dumpty and Purple Fart. Why the Tibetan twins? Because they’re always yakking!

As I passed the gruesome twosome Humpty yelled out “Nice ass!” This so put me off I ran off paper for 100m at the next V and only a loud shout from Does Nothing recalibrate my braincell.

The trails just didn’t let up, runnable, lovely and confusing if you were a FRB I’d imagine.

As we got close to settled property a clever check had us reversing 160 degrees to the right and zigzagging around and back towards the A. As I put my foot down I passed a few relaxing runners right at the end, Pays By The Inch, Cumalot etc. Why hadn’t I run behind them all trail I idly wondered?!

Toes aching but spirit refreshed I sauntered home on the hour mark.

Circle was low key and we welcomed returnees from Didcot H3 in UK and a fit looking Sydneysider who enjoyed his down down beer with relish and showed just the right spirit.

Funnily enough his friend Nick – the wallaby who saved a wallaby – had had an almighty punch up on tv with my acquaintance Robert in 1989 in Brisbane as the British Lions took on Australia at Ballymore. I hope he reminds NF-J of it when they next meet!

11th Jan – CH4 – Softballs

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Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast)

(Courtesy Alice)

Qudos to Softballs setting his first run all by himself. Apparently he had accompanied ABB previously so in light of that it was an excellent effort.
Pluses and minuses. Negative: No drinks pre-run as Cumalot was enjoying an HRA alike afternoon snooze according to some sage. Not critical now – but in hot season pretty dangerous. Suggest hashers advised to bring a bottle of personal H2O in the email and on the webshite. Positive: US ladies college tennis champs ran with us, 13 fine young athletes and their two coaches. Testosterone reached record levels and Goat almost joined us for the circle.
To the run. Well, Softballs picked a lovely route with a big hill to start and 4 km gentle downhill coming back in a wide arc to the dam A site past Tiger Head. All good so far. The hare brief hinted at turmoil suffered by a lone Virgin hard and the grizzled veterans rolled their eyes and waited the inevitable.
Trail was marked on clear strips of decent sized white, already a healthy step up from some of ABB’s efforts. And here’s where the fun started. Walkers generally have little idea of the purpose or how to regarding checks. Softballs was of course no different.

There were perhaps 4 checks all run. For walkers this makes not one iota of difference. For FRBs it’s quite a few iotas.
Hare brief said Vs were not marked and we’d know when we found paper after 100m one way. Mmm. Okkkk. Sinking feeling in heart.
Well, the first V had paper off one leg that led to a bar and FT apparently. I jogged along to the V to find a charging pack of FRBs heading back towards me and suddenly I was 3rd! We were still heading up the hill. And up. The girls were having a blast and pushing along very well in the vanguard. Experienced hashers took up the most efficient slipstream positions and fought like tigers to maintain them.
Once atop the ridge it became a sweeping trail run without benefits of checks, but the two that were there fcuked us up royally. A clear large A4 circle facing the pack. FRBs go straight, find paper, call OnOn and promptly run into a FT. WTF!
We retrace our steps to the circle picking up connecting paper. The girls bless them, do this willingly. Trail is found off to the left as we came and the run recommences.
Blows Herself is angry at her feet and wishes she could run faster. She’s doing great IMHO and is infront of me. I am enjoying the non stop run on great forest paths. I am enjoying the views as they pass. Foliage ones too. One of the girls has those blessed bells on her feet and I was happy when we separated.
We descended and came to another confusing V. It was ripped up, paper strewn on the ground, 3 more strips, then just paper on the ground for the last 1km perhaps and then we were out to the road by the Tiger Head and our hare putting up his 3rd OnIn sign. Well that’s a fcuking new world record anyway!
So in summary, a lovely route, clearly marked apart from the minimal checks. If Softballs has these explained and sorts ’em out next run, he’ll be doing great.
Pretty fun circle, especially when the girls and coaches were involved. Nice to meet SB’s friends from AbuDhabi and welcome back Lumberjackoff and the dryer than Martini Snowballs.
Eggelen effort Softballs👍😉👊

28th December – CH4 – TMB

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Rating: 8.7/10 (3 votes cast)

The gruesome twosome combined in the wilds of somewhere on the borders of Burma and Kaffiristan to set a wonderfully wooded and winding 15km mini BB.
It was a long journey out in the songthao and even longer coming back squashed ‘tween the back of Suda’s driving seat and the rear cab. I volunteer Pussy Whisperer next time!
In dank and unpromising conditions we headed off into the unknown. Early doors a major FU. FRB walkers headed front and centre from a check until they found paper 150m on and yelled. Real FRBs starting slowly at rear found true trail to the right into an orchard and there was the horrid suspicion we were somehow already wrongly on the in trail.
Luckily we joined their trail and started 7 km of flat but tricky forest paths with multiple check opps to gladden a hare’s heart but sink an honest hasher if he wasn’t on his game. We did have a decent crew of FRBs but the calling wasn’t consistent and often times it was harder than it needed to be. And it was hard enough as it was.
The recent wet made underfoot conditions in turn slippy and heavy. Soft, wet sand is not my favourite. Soft, wet something else ok, but not sand. Had enough in Saudi of that stuff.
After an hour or so we spilled out of the forest to a road and a beer stop. TMB and Foxy were doling out drinks and wondering why we’d taken so long!
BnB Man said he’d do the second leg if I was walking and jogging. I waited politely behind him while he opened a tinny and chatted to Cumlord. I waited some more. I watched Tasty run off after the pack who’d fcuked up her first check of this leg. After another few minutes I asked BnB if he’d sup up and get a move on. Oh, I’ve decided to go back and not do the second leg, sorry!
Just what I needed! A few minutes of puffing and I could hear shouting ahead…somewhere. Eventually I reeled in a few back markers and ran a bit with Anal Vice and then behind Blows Herself and Just Nicole, sister of Leaking Lizard. Every time I caught them I needed a rest and they moved ahead again. Anyone was motoring along in good shape and after I passed her, every time I walked and she caught up, I started off jogging again.
Should have just stayed with her and enjoyed the company.
Robbin Banks and ace circle lurker ABB were going well, running and walking, running and walking. Some tricky checks and basic ones with 180degree options pulled the pack together. Sloppy, Angry and Scooby running down FT and Checkbacks with gay abandon.
We came to a section of forest that looked familiar. Semen Sores reckoned so too. I fretted that we’d got caught on the out trail somehow. In fact we had, as the hares used it with new markings in the last section before home. Dodgy that IMHO.
Feeling tired, my feet bruised and aching, I heard Knockout yelling from the last check as she chased Sloppy down the road and the pack bashed thru the bush to join up. Blows Herself did her third face plant of the day, rather to Semen’s amusement.
The asphalt was hard but the OnIn was most welcome.
A decent circle run by Tasty with some flair, lovely snacks, friendly family of visitors from Malaysia and tasty OnOnOn at the resort.
Well done hares and well done Suda for getting us back.

16th November – CH4 – Graven Image

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Semester drawing to a close, and more runners back in town, so I headed out to Maejo after work to see what Graven would put together. We were pointed off across the dam, first walking with Angry Inch, and then running along with Brownie, discussing the inevitable circle check at the other end of the dam. We decided it would be too wet to turn left, and Graven wouldn’t have used the hill, so 100% it was a right turn. Nobody bothered looking anywhere else, we just jogged down the hill and hit the powder. No check at the next junction, but I had a hunch it would be right as the hare had told the walkers to wait for hints… There was a false trail off to the left, and I found myself checking straight on, before going back to where my initial hunch was.

We crossed the weir near the Tiger’s head, and headed into the usual trails. Brownie was of course in the action, but there was a youngster who I haven’t met before putting us all to shame – boy can he run!!! I’m not sure if we named him “Gay Bambino” in the end or not, but he had some moves in his finger shoes and bright purple clothes. He is a great runner, but perhaps not the smartest as more than once he went breezing past false trails off into the distance! It never took him long to overtake us again though. Trail headed left, down to the lower trails for a bit, before turning back to the right to start climbing back up the hill. At one check Bambi set off to check up the hill, but came running back down after 50-60m, after spotting paper that wasn’t from today. I was pretty sure we’d be going up the hill there, and so Brownie and I continued up discussing how we could slow Bambi down..!

A T-junction at the top and I was torn – turning right would perhaps be a bit short? but turning left meant going all the way up to the ridge line. No check at the junction, but off to the right Foxy and Cod Piece were staring at a circle check. They headed off away from us, but it took a long time for them to give answers to how they had got there, and if they had seen paper on their way. Meanwhile Brownie turned left and scooted away with an inaudible call. I checked beyond the circle following ABB’s paper for a bit until realising we were headed up to the ridgeline. Damn you Brownie!!!

When I got back to trail I was behind a lot, so excellent check hare, you got me on that one :( I caught up ABB, Alice, Blows Herself, a couple that I didn’t recognise and Piggy before spotting Brownie risking going off paper, because he didn’t want to follow trail to an inevitable false trail… He’d let Bambi do that instead! Of course we knew where the trail was going from here, so having let Bambi do the false trail, we then let him overtake up the steep climb to the ridge trail. As he past, I suggested it would probably be left at the top – knowing of course it could only be right. He took the bait and set off left, leaving Brownie to amble leisurely off to the right. When he decided he’d seen enough paper he gave the call and took off at a sprint!

Piggy was close by, so while we waited for Bambi to overtake again, I said, one more false trail, and then the ONIN. Sure enough, we were left with the steep descent and I hit trail just as Brownie and Bambi skipped back together looking sheepish. I took it as fast as I dared down the hill, but Bambi has no fear and sprinted past. As I past the ONIN I heard someone approaching, and without looking back I knew it had to be Angry Inch – the only other nutcase brave enough to risk a descent like that! I commented that I knew it was him, as he confidently said, I never trip unless someone trips me… Seconds later there was a loud noise, and a humble cry of “that was a slide, not a fall!”

Overall a great set.

14th Sept – CH4 – Sex Pistol

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice

Sexy teamed up with the rain gods to set a challenging yet enjoyable wet wander around the scenic splendour back of Samoeng Rd footy field, writes Alice..
The hare brief was worrying, extra info about circles close to in trails and bars that we mustn’t run through. Plus a comment about Sheep Shagger being in the know about a certain section which may cause grief. Ye gods, Sheepy causes enough grief all on his lonesome. General consensus was “Gird yer loins pack!”
Not a big fan of yellow paper on foliage, and I think the hounds would concur. Double width would be helpful, 2cm max was a tad narrow and when soaked and curled…..tres difficile.
Off we went to the first circle and I ducked down a tiny path to the left while others hit the big trails. Get in!On on!
Soon I was crossing the wet and slippery bamboo bridge over the stream and thoughts turned longingly to Byte, Doggie and Belly.
Into the field with Poo but paper was already dashed tough to see when sodden. The next check was tough and the guardians of the circle didn’t call – or did too quietly. I came back from a small but tempting forest path to find a complete circle, no hashers and no clear sign which way to go. That was really the tale of this run especially towards the end.
Picking up tiny yellow fragments on the wet concrete I rejoined the pack in time for the fcuk up that Sheep Shagger was going to prevent. Wrong! Poo, Sheepy and Piggy ran through the washed out bar and started out on in trail in reverse. Classic!
The other two returned but Poo continued like a gamer all the way round the whole trail. Piggy got lost somewhere here, bits of paper, unclear and no sign of any bugger.
Fecking whole pack need to learn to shout properly Checking, On Called, On On etc or runners checking simply lose touch and patience. Too many lazy arses stand around checks, silently, then sidle off mutely when trail is found to the detriment of active checkers up shit creeks various. And some hurry off after others, neglecting to pull off the strips and link to trail. At ONE hidden check I ripped off the circle to put some visible paper at least on the path but Square Rooter wasn’t happy and talked as though ALL were thus dealt with.
Some checks were clear and facing, some weren’t. Paper wasn’t always dropped.. We wiggled around enjoyable grassy and muddy trails between orchards and farms then started to climb a long incline.
Tasty, Chacky, Sheepy were in the van with Blows working hard to check and keep up. ABB was ahead and silently popping in and out of view as I tried to see the strips. My yelled On Ons didn’t strike any chords with the Turkalike.
Once we were atop the hill, Blows and self pushed ahead and ran out the whole rest of the trail kicking out and marking a V and 3 or 4 circles that hadn’t been dealt with by the FRBs. TMB felt that Chacky was way ahead and making good choices. Sheepy was second but not signalling or calling to her so she never knew if he was on. Therefore checks remained intact as TMB was 100m away by the time she found paper and wasn’t running back alone to fix. Sheepy looked back a few times, only to judge his advantage from her so she thought.
It was annoying knowing there was a bunch ahead (3 not 4 as I thought) and not one of the last checks were kicked out or linked to trail. The last circle was a tricky back and in that I second guessed while Blows waited and looked straight up the road, her preferred route. On In and the last few hundred metres were on wet powder blobs.
Back at the A, TMB was forceful and Sheepy was well advised to remain, well Sheepish, and take the 5th! A small pack enjoyed a friendly circle and from Rooter, a belter of a This Day in History (first labotomy)and Quote of the Day (Martin Buber):All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware.

7th September – CH4 – Kwazi Moto

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice


I was stuck in hellish traffic with the minutes ticking away and Drama Queen riding pillion making life tricky to duck and dive through the melee. It was raining and I doubted we’d make it by 5.
Thankfully we fronted up just as Kwaz started his hare brief out front of Kwaz Mansion to a decent sized pack.
Trail was laid on chalk marks on posts, walls and tarmac, not all sizeable or easy to see but as long as the pack used their eyes and called, it mostly went pretty well.
Basically trail headed out and turned left back towards the Old City. A circle short of the moat went back on itself and soon we were running thru sois before heading east along the moat next to busy traffic ponking fumes.
I was mid pack, Tasty, Sexy and visitor Kim were in the van, Blows Herself and Dodgy Cock right up there. Softballs, Shagless and Sticky were shifting too and we headed into the far south west corner of the Old City.
I turned left at a junction and meandered down looking furiously for arrows. Looking, looking!
Why are you shouting Looking? There’s a circle at the junction! Shiite. An orange circle partially washed out had been missed by Alice and others. Sod’s Law the On On was that way and Sex Pistol called it. A Yank called out, ‘Wow! Is this the hash?!’ as we passed a shop. Great enthusiasm.
Poo and Blows Herself crossed the eastern ring road and found trail. Some of us headed over the footbridge, others played chicken with their lives.
Drama Queen was doing well and Piggy too, but Babe and Cougar and visitor Jamie were never far behind.
Trail ducked in to a wet, grassy open area next to a small football facility and we crossed a klong on a narrow double girder footbridge. Concrete here was slimy and slippery. The pack were bunched and people yelled out to be careful of slipping on the algae growth.
The trail came back to the ring road at the extreme SW corner and here it unraveled a tad. TMB, Poo and other turned right and ran off in a bunch. No one called. They were now too far away to hear anyway. Traffic noise was king. No calls. No signs. No teamwork. Not a look at us. We at the circle saw them go, stop, go again towards the big footbridge. I decided they were On On and marked the check accordingly with chalk. Suddenly one FRB was running across the bridge, one heading back, then all heading over. Wtf?
I reckoned they weren’t actually on and scribbled again on the check. Why the fcuk didn’t they spread out and relay call or sign?
They all followed my leader, bunched up and apparently none were on!
Suddenly Jamie picked up Shrek signalling OnOn from across the three lane highway with streams of vehicles piling by. We took our lives in our hands and made it across after minutes to find trail leading thru a park area and up, along and over a section of old, old city wall according to Kwaz. The up was muddy, steep and slippy and rather challenging.
Dropping down into a small residential area – with residents agog – we came out into a wide market area and lost trail. Luckily we knew where A was from here and a few hundred metres without arrows until they were picked up again leading towards the HHH sign at the turn to Kwaz’s moobaan. No On In was seen, so I helpfully chalked one on the trailer close the the A just before the last turn.
Kwaz got an ear bashing from TMB about paucity of markings and danger and I got one when I mentioned that her group ran bunched up without signalling from the last check on the West side! I felt it would have been more helpful to shout at the following runners to go back and sign that they were checking not on.
All in all a very decent 6.2 km city run. We should do 3 or 4 a year, maybe not in peak rush hour traffic and definitely not have checks requiring runners to cross 3 busy lanes of speeding traffic.
The pool helped cool runners down and late arrivals swelled our ranks to farewell the Kwaz. Kudos to the hare, Frozen Dick, Does Nothing, Squidgy Cock, TMB etc for their roles in a great barbq, replete with burgers and tube steaks, salads, desert and and and.
OnOn and fair winds and calm seas to you Kwaz!