Category Archives: CH4 – Sunday

16th November – CH4 – Graven Image

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Semester drawing to a close, and more runners back in town, so I headed out to Maejo after work to see what Graven would put together. We were pointed off across the dam, first walking with Angry Inch, and then running along with Brownie, discussing the inevitable circle check at the other end of the dam. We decided it would be too wet to turn left, and Graven wouldn’t have used the hill, so 100% it was a right turn. Nobody bothered looking anywhere else, we just jogged down the hill and hit the powder. No check at the next junction, but I had a hunch it would be right as the hare had told the walkers to wait for hints… There was a false trail off to the left, and I found myself checking straight on, before going back to where my initial hunch was.

We crossed the weir near the Tiger’s head, and headed into the usual trails. Brownie was of course in the action, but there was a youngster who I haven’t met before putting us all to shame – boy can he run!!! I’m not sure if we named him “Gay Bambino” in the end or not, but he had some moves in his finger shoes and bright purple clothes. He is a great runner, but perhaps not the smartest as more than once he went breezing past false trails off into the distance! It never took him long to overtake us again though. Trail headed left, down to the lower trails for a bit, before turning back to the right to start climbing back up the hill. At one check Bambi set off to check up the hill, but came running back down after 50-60m, after spotting paper that wasn’t from today. I was pretty sure we’d be going up the hill there, and so Brownie and I continued up discussing how we could slow Bambi down..!

A T-junction at the top and I was torn – turning right would perhaps be a bit short? but turning left meant going all the way up to the ridge line. No check at the junction, but off to the right Foxy and Cod Piece were staring at a circle check. They headed off away from us, but it took a long time for them to give answers to how they had got there, and if they had seen paper on their way. Meanwhile Brownie turned left and scooted away with an inaudible call. I checked beyond the circle following ABB’s paper for a bit until realising we were headed up to the ridgeline. Damn you Brownie!!!

When I got back to trail I was behind a lot, so excellent check hare, you got me on that one :( I caught up ABB, Alice, Blows Herself, a couple that I didn’t recognise and Piggy before spotting Brownie risking going off paper, because he didn’t want to follow trail to an inevitable false trail… He’d let Bambi do that instead! Of course we knew where the trail was going from here, so having let Bambi do the false trail, we then let him overtake up the steep climb to the ridge trail. As he past, I suggested it would probably be left at the top – knowing of course it could only be right. He took the bait and set off left, leaving Brownie to amble leisurely off to the right. When he decided he’d seen enough paper he gave the call and took off at a sprint!

Piggy was close by, so while we waited for Bambi to overtake again, I said, one more false trail, and then the ONIN. Sure enough, we were left with the steep descent and I hit trail just as Brownie and Bambi skipped back together looking sheepish. I took it as fast as I dared down the hill, but Bambi has no fear and sprinted past. As I past the ONIN I heard someone approaching, and without looking back I knew it had to be Angry Inch – the only other nutcase brave enough to risk a descent like that! I commented that I knew it was him, as he confidently said, I never trip unless someone trips me… Seconds later there was a loud noise, and a humble cry of “that was a slide, not a fall!”

Overall a great set.

14th Sept – CH4 – Sex Pistol

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice

Sexy teamed up with the rain gods to set a challenging yet enjoyable wet wander around the scenic splendour back of Samoeng Rd footy field, writes Alice..
The hare brief was worrying, extra info about circles close to in trails and bars that we mustn’t run through. Plus a comment about Sheep Shagger being in the know about a certain section which may cause grief. Ye gods, Sheepy causes enough grief all on his lonesome. General consensus was “Gird yer loins pack!”
Not a big fan of yellow paper on foliage, and I think the hounds would concur. Double width would be helpful, 2cm max was a tad narrow and when soaked and curled…..tres difficile.
Off we went to the first circle and I ducked down a tiny path to the left while others hit the big trails. Get in!On on!
Soon I was crossing the wet and slippery bamboo bridge over the stream and thoughts turned longingly to Byte, Doggie and Belly.
Into the field with Poo but paper was already dashed tough to see when sodden. The next check was tough and the guardians of the circle didn’t call – or did too quietly. I came back from a small but tempting forest path to find a complete circle, no hashers and no clear sign which way to go. That was really the tale of this run especially towards the end.
Picking up tiny yellow fragments on the wet concrete I rejoined the pack in time for the fcuk up that Sheep Shagger was going to prevent. Wrong! Poo, Sheepy and Piggy ran through the washed out bar and started out on in trail in reverse. Classic!
The other two returned but Poo continued like a gamer all the way round the whole trail. Piggy got lost somewhere here, bits of paper, unclear and no sign of any bugger.
Fecking whole pack need to learn to shout properly Checking, On Called, On On etc or runners checking simply lose touch and patience. Too many lazy arses stand around checks, silently, then sidle off mutely when trail is found to the detriment of active checkers up shit creeks various. And some hurry off after others, neglecting to pull off the strips and link to trail. At ONE hidden check I ripped off the circle to put some visible paper at least on the path but Square Rooter wasn’t happy and talked as though ALL were thus dealt with.
Some checks were clear and facing, some weren’t. Paper wasn’t always dropped.. We wiggled around enjoyable grassy and muddy trails between orchards and farms then started to climb a long incline.
Tasty, Chacky, Sheepy were in the van with Blows working hard to check and keep up. ABB was ahead and silently popping in and out of view as I tried to see the strips. My yelled On Ons didn’t strike any chords with the Turkalike.
Once we were atop the hill, Blows and self pushed ahead and ran out the whole rest of the trail kicking out and marking a V and 3 or 4 circles that hadn’t been dealt with by the FRBs. TMB felt that Chacky was way ahead and making good choices. Sheepy was second but not signalling or calling to her so she never knew if he was on. Therefore checks remained intact as TMB was 100m away by the time she found paper and wasn’t running back alone to fix. Sheepy looked back a few times, only to judge his advantage from her so she thought.
It was annoying knowing there was a bunch ahead (3 not 4 as I thought) and not one of the last checks were kicked out or linked to trail. The last circle was a tricky back and in that I second guessed while Blows waited and looked straight up the road, her preferred route. On In and the last few hundred metres were on wet powder blobs.
Back at the A, TMB was forceful and Sheepy was well advised to remain, well Sheepish, and take the 5th! A small pack enjoyed a friendly circle and from Rooter, a belter of a This Day in History (first labotomy)and Quote of the Day (Martin Buber):All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware.

7th September – CH4 – Kwazi Moto

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice

—-

I was stuck in hellish traffic with the minutes ticking away and Drama Queen riding pillion making life tricky to duck and dive through the melee. It was raining and I doubted we’d make it by 5.
Thankfully we fronted up just as Kwaz started his hare brief out front of Kwaz Mansion to a decent sized pack.
Trail was laid on chalk marks on posts, walls and tarmac, not all sizeable or easy to see but as long as the pack used their eyes and called, it mostly went pretty well.
Basically trail headed out and turned left back towards the Old City. A circle short of the moat went back on itself and soon we were running thru sois before heading east along the moat next to busy traffic ponking fumes.
I was mid pack, Tasty, Sexy and visitor Kim were in the van, Blows Herself and Dodgy Cock right up there. Softballs, Shagless and Sticky were shifting too and we headed into the far south west corner of the Old City.
I turned left at a junction and meandered down looking furiously for arrows. Looking, looking!
Why are you shouting Looking? There’s a circle at the junction! Shiite. An orange circle partially washed out had been missed by Alice and others. Sod’s Law the On On was that way and Sex Pistol called it. A Yank called out, ‘Wow! Is this the hash?!’ as we passed a shop. Great enthusiasm.
Poo and Blows Herself crossed the eastern ring road and found trail. Some of us headed over the footbridge, others played chicken with their lives.
Drama Queen was doing well and Piggy too, but Babe and Cougar and visitor Jamie were never far behind.
Trail ducked in to a wet, grassy open area next to a small football facility and we crossed a klong on a narrow double girder footbridge. Concrete here was slimy and slippery. The pack were bunched and people yelled out to be careful of slipping on the algae growth.
The trail came back to the ring road at the extreme SW corner and here it unraveled a tad. TMB, Poo and other turned right and ran off in a bunch. No one called. They were now too far away to hear anyway. Traffic noise was king. No calls. No signs. No teamwork. Not a look at us. We at the circle saw them go, stop, go again towards the big footbridge. I decided they were On On and marked the check accordingly with chalk. Suddenly one FRB was running across the bridge, one heading back, then all heading over. Wtf?
I reckoned they weren’t actually on and scribbled again on the check. Why the fcuk didn’t they spread out and relay call or sign?
They all followed my leader, bunched up and apparently none were on!
Suddenly Jamie picked up Shrek signalling OnOn from across the three lane highway with streams of vehicles piling by. We took our lives in our hands and made it across after minutes to find trail leading thru a park area and up, along and over a section of old, old city wall according to Kwaz. The up was muddy, steep and slippy and rather challenging.
Dropping down into a small residential area – with residents agog – we came out into a wide market area and lost trail. Luckily we knew where A was from here and a few hundred metres without arrows until they were picked up again leading towards the HHH sign at the turn to Kwaz’s moobaan. No On In was seen, so I helpfully chalked one on the trailer close the the A just before the last turn.
Kwaz got an ear bashing from TMB about paucity of markings and danger and I got one when I mentioned that her group ran bunched up without signalling from the last check on the West side! I felt it would have been more helpful to shout at the following runners to go back and sign that they were checking not on.
All in all a very decent 6.2 km city run. We should do 3 or 4 a year, maybe not in peak rush hour traffic and definitely not have checks requiring runners to cross 3 busy lanes of speeding traffic.
The pool helped cool runners down and late arrivals swelled our ranks to farewell the Kwaz. Kudos to the hare, Frozen Dick, Does Nothing, Squidgy Cock, TMB etc for their roles in a great barbq, replete with burgers and tube steaks, salads, desert and and and.
OnOn and fair winds and calm seas to you Kwaz!
Alice

17th August – CH4 – Does Nothing

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Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Does Nothing Does It Well

Songthaeo was packed as Kwaz hopped in and Cougar sat on the floor all the way to the hex shelter, referred to repeatedly by Kwaz as the octogon. Pleased I didn’t have to reach him maths! Welcome back Pussy Galore and Cumlord! Felt stiff and nauseous by the time we reached the A, made a note to self to use motorbike!

Does Nothing had planned to stay on the hex side of the road but due to roadworks and thick mud had decided to go over the other side. I wondered if he’d just reverse his last run here and initially it looked like he would.

The Water Is Wide
Down the access road we turned and Chacky baulked at the first water crossing. One FRB down at the first hurdle. Last Monday he does 18km in 2 loops and today 300m out then back! Man of extremes is our ChackWao.

Into the property and around in much the same way as expected. I was enjoying a natter with Rooter all the while and noticed we’d not ducked into the forest but headed out on the rocky main boundary path. Mmm, interesting. DN followed TMB and my trail in reverse as he turned right into the woods and followed the long winding upward path. Expecting a check here or there, I was surprised by lack of them and eventually we exited on another main cross trail. I was guessing right back down the next valley and a loop back but no! Not even a V at this junction, just paper left and back to the original out trail but half a km on.

Sting Something Simple
I was walking strongly, had left Rooter and Softballs a bit behind and when we came to the main trail paper went left and paper was strewn on the deck. Rooter suspected a falsie so followed paper into the hillside opposite only to meet the FT himself.
Down the road I yomped, wondering how DN would avoid out trail paper. Suddenly the big paper arrow appeared but thankfully no paper injuns. Into the woods and Aaah! A fcuking painful sticker from nowhere got me in the back of the right calf.

Walk On The Wildside
Meandering along a path 100m above the road I thought that was the plan – but the best was yet to come. Does Nothing took us into a beautiful creek bed, rocks, sand, gravel, water, bamboo, and the creek bed just kept giving. On and on and on it wound its way down towards lakes or dams on some farm properties. Chuckling to myself at TMB ‘enjoyment’ of this section, I yelled On On every couple of minutes and only once or twice heard a response from behind. Basically it was me, nature and white strips. As trail came out on paths I started to recognise, I tried a little jog and the leg responded favourably. Yay! Thank you Oh Danny Boy for your on-line PT!

Sitting On A Barbed Wire Fence
I wondered how DN would get us back and yes, he used his broken barbed wire fence cut through. Passing the flocks of geese, it was back to the water crossing and home. About 75 minutes of super trail and even a couple of short jogs under my belt. Great stuff Does Nothing. After Turkey’s lovely Saturday set, we’re on a roll. Over to you Cumalot for next Saturday!
On on,
Alice
Ps the sticker was a wasp sting and half a dozen hashers got nailed in much the same spot. ABB’s interrogation of Cougar to find the Thai word for wasp and Rooter’s wasp impression was one of the highlights of the circle.

10th August – CH4 – Taste My Buns

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

German precision and efficiency was back in evidence as TMB laid a lovely runner’s run from a new A 12.5km down Canal Rd and a bit past Suckit’s residence.

SheepShagger lent me one of his running vests even though I’d lost his hiking pole the week before. We set off towards the crem: which FRB’s hopes would be reduced to cinders by OnIn time? Alice idly wondered.

Onto the awful light pink paper semi strips and away left towards a huge flooded quarry and a check. Sex Pistol called it from left and the pack followed. At the far left corner another check. Shrek went left, SP right with Chacky in her wake and ABB directed operations and suggested it was straight past the working dumper trucks and he moved at least 20m by the time SP again called from the right somewhere and Chacky relayed her call. And

Here the trail snaked around the next quarry on clear paper but Chacky had other ideas and went straight for 200m off paper to the next check that SP had located from the correct direction. Most of the pack followed suit as they had a vague idea what was up.

Along a main trail and a turn after a check up into the forest. Dark, green and stony paths gave way to dark green stony creek bed as we hit a check deep in a junction after a V took us right.

Sexy was caught by now and Chacky found paper as the pack spread to check thickish forest with thinning trails.

Up we came back to a wide earthen path and a V. Many headed left back towards the checkback from the first V. Right it was to a t junction where FT went left as Shagless and Does Nothing found and a few nameless FRBs went right without calling or marking.

Now into thick forest, the trails split 3 or 4 ways at various points and you guessed it, there were checks! At one OnOn was called from afar and paper was laid thru the bush to get there but surely not the way TMB went!

Shagless was really pushing himself today and Tiptoe, Doesn’t Get It and the returnee Pigshit were legging it apace. Sqrootly also shook a leg when the going got good and even Cabbage Patch once he smelled beer from a km out.

At a big junction a small trail ducked right and we were running down and back for sure towards home. The path curled thru lovely forest and suddenly we were at a flooded dam. ABB checked out a circle on the opposite side and Alice found paper down and right although runners had passed for sure without marking.

A devious circle in a V split and we were lead a merry dance zigzagging back to the A with a FT and a circle that kept runner honest. Ish. We even passed a pink strip stapled to a lady’s sunhat and Suckit’s house too.

Obscene and Cumalot were adjacent to me all the way back from here as we meandered back in just around the hour mark. HRA appearing Jesus like from nowhere after losing the pack and running back on his lonesome the trail. Thankfully I missed Obscene taking a forest dump but ABB didn’t. Where was Frozen and his mobile bum gun when you need it?

4.9 km for me, a km more for the FRB checkers.Tasty run and tasty OnOnOn at Suan Sabuy!

3rd August – CH4 – Alice & Sticky Wicket

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The Hare’s Tale.
Not Chaucer but Alice with a tale of pilgrim hashers on the road to the A bucket and thence Bannok Coffee Roasters.
A mid sized crew set off from the new houses in the soi just past Wat Nam Phrae where Alice and Spitz had initially set.
Frozen was kvetching about what time is this, when do we do that etc so Alice sent him off pre hare brief to get a start.
TMB and Sex Pistol looked so happy to be crossing a flowing
dam as the pack set off, they looked even more gleeful an hour later as they returned the same way!
Once the overgrown steep cut through was accomplished the pack were in the overgrown cow field. Tasty went right and the first circle and Scooby left. He was noted by his absence and silence from then on for half the run!
Out on to the road and a V. Tasty and Sexy went left and wrong,Scooby right and right. He was seen disappearing up the lane next to the white temple but not heard. Sexy informed the hare that her fellow antipodean was most Turkey like in his hashing today!
A couple of circles up the long lane were run through by Scooby who judging by Strava routes of others must have singly turned right onto the path to the forest and hit the False Trail then doubled back into the property to find true trail.
Up through a farm to another check at a junction just below the first line. Here it was straight and nice wooded trail to another 5 ways check. Tasty was back in touch as she took the back and right option and ran down the wide path to a frustrating False Trail. The pack were bunched again and Trail was found down through the field to the small tree covered creek. Trail dipped and dived down here but most runners crossed to the clear orchard and followed paper from afar despite Sex Pistol’s exhotions.
A familiar checking corner greeted the pack as they emerged. Tasty reversed down a trail she’d previously used but On was left then a sharp right into the forest. 5 minutes of bush bashing and the FRBs were out on a clear path. Home was left but so was a False Trail bar after 200m and the pack searched for the found the cut through the long grass back to another open trail.
A bit of wiggling and a V that Sheep Shagger took right and wrongly, then a tricky circle with overgrown paths and trail in fields as options. Tasty went under the canopy into an open meadow heading to Canal Rd but Onon was called from the opposite way.
As the FRBs came out into tarmac the paper went right and then into another overgrown cowfield where paper was tricky due to the sunlight.
At the other end it was road and a last check designed to catch the absent Chacky.
On 56 minutes Alice and Sticky heard Scooby yelling On In and clambering under the wire down to the overflowing dam wall.
Tasty was second and tiptoeing through the water but Sheep Shagger ran past her splashing his feet like a naughty schoolboy. SexPistol, HRA,Musk Rat and ABB soon followed and surprisingly Cabbage Patch only a couple of minutes later. Ben Dover made it home and the Tarzan call of Frozen Dick announced the arrival of the aging hippy with Tiptoe, Does Nothing and Rooter bringing up the rear.
Surprisingly the heavens didn’t open and circle was under open skies with ABB and Tasty getting the wings by some skewed logic!
On on!
Alice

27th July – CH4 – Sheep Shagger / Alice (&HRA)

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

So we went to Fang for a prelube outstation. I drove up with TMB, wondering how many would show up, whether Alice would be fit enough to set the run or if HRA would have to step up as a substitute. We arrived and checked in. Sex Pistol’s car was in the car park, but she was sleeping peacefully, and we finally managed to wake her up with just enough time to get to the runsite. 3 Hares, 3 Runners. Personal hares!

We set off and kept together as a group for the whole run. We may be few, but it was a different style of running, much more friendly, co-operative, collective. At the first check, TMB went left, I went straight and SP followed the true trail to the right. Her lead didn’t last long as she promptly got a false trail off a V check that meant she had to take a dip in a creek. I led the way for a bit through a bit of an orchard, shiggy shitty shiggy, but then we were free and on to a decent trail that headed to a child monk quarters. And then the trail literally went through someone’s house – we had to dodge their shoes, laundry, kitchen. It was off a circle, and I didn’t have the heart to call “ONON” as the family were sat around looking bemused as to why a random farang was running through their house – I went back and called the other 2 on.

We then ran 3 sides of a rectangular lake, only to be spat out 50m away from where we’d been before – very cute hares, very cute. Then it was time for some paddy field action. First another chance for a quick dip in the creek, only to hit a false trail. TMB managed to jump over both times, but SP and I chose wet feet. Damn hares! Naughty hares! Taking us past the farmers as they planted their rice fields.

We continued the lead rotating as we took turns like a pelaton. Randomly I was stopped at a house to chat to a random farang who had met the hares the day before. I had to chase a bit to catch up the ladies and we got back to another lake at the meditation centre. A false trail to the right didn’t fool me, but as I headed around the lake the heat was starting to hit me. Dang it. I hit the deck for a brief nap, being showered by the ladies water as they passed me by. Power nap over I rejoined the mix, and followed SP as we spotted Alice up ahead. He told us we weren’t far from home, but we were well short of the promised 7.5km. I don’t think we missed anything.

SP was leading us home, until the antepenultimate check – she went right, and wasn’t. TMB and I went left and were right, but I got an edge on TMB as there were so many roads, and I marginally guessed correctly slight to the left. We were close to home, but still time for one more V check. Dangit! I don’t think I can recall a hash where the FRB and the DFL came in together, there was nothing to split us, so if that defines the perfect hash, then well done hares, you’ve achieved it! Shame more didn’t make the run, but often the small hashes are the best and most memorable. The “circle” was a quiet affair, more of a civilised meal than a circle.

20th July – CH4 – Bend Over

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Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)

(Courtesy Alice)

The Great Shredded Paper Famine of 2017

Well we all know about the great bagel famine of the mid 1800s when thousands of Irish starved and millions were forced to emigrate to NY to enjoy their favourite soft bread
roll with a hole.

Well, CH4 experienced the shredded paper version, with Ben Dover’s paper budget comfortably the low side of the average CM latte.

The A site was good, intimate under the little shelter and the area not overhashed. It was virgin to me. And it was pishing down. Pishing down like last Monday in fact.
Oh it’s monsoon season, so you’d think more paper not less would be preferable. And you’d be sadly wrong!

Trail was marked now and again with small clumps of cream shredded, almost invisible unless right under one’s nose and at varying distances apart. Anything from 20m to 120m it seemed. It was difficult to guage if you were on. There was no hope of seeing the next paper from anywhere. It was ground level, in grass or wetted flat to the path. Nothing was hanging visible from bushes or whatever. To coin Sheep Shagger’s phrase – it was one long circle jerk.

The pack set off and promptly couldn’t see paper. Recent experience of two other runs convinces me that the first 100m sets the template. Can’t see or find the second paper? Then that’ll be the routine all run because the hare won’t get smarter.

We ran down a flooded wide road. Check was called when it was just a clump of paper. Portents not good and diminishing. After a couple of minutes running on the road in the rain and not seeing paper, a real circle of shredded was spotted. The pack spread out front, right and right front. Nothing. Nada.

Suddenly a shout from behind and some DFL walkers headed into a monastery we’d already passed a good 100m back and there was the hare walking the other way out of the property, averting his eyes.

First check had foxed everyone and even back on trail, the paper situation remained dire. Calling was going on but the hammer of the rainstorm drowned out human voices.

Obscene and our Aussie visitor revelled in the puddles and flooded tracks. The rest of us just got on with it as best we could.

Down to an asphalt road and around to the right we went, every turn a challenge and often running on hope that we were still on trail.

V checks were much longer than 100m as the hare had told us, an ill-advised unilateral decision. The checkback side seemed to be better marked and keen as mustard Tainted Shit was shouting OnOn despite HRA’s caution. He was soon shouting False Trail, meaning Checkback. He didn’t learn and did the same thing later on. BMY would have crowned him.

TMB, Tainted and Sex Pistol were going well as was HRA, Aussie George and Obscene but with so many stops to search for paper while On, the pack was more of less condensed with ABB loving the limited markings because they kept him relevant.

At one point False Trail was again yelled as paper stars were seen, but they were just on checks as the hare decided to confuse us further. Why you’d waste time carefully criss crossing a few strands and planting a stone in the middle beats me. Again, not visible unless you were basically above it. TMB also followed ‘paper’ only to find it was small pieces of rubbish paper and not our paper.

Onward we sauntered through the sodden landscape as the rain stopped and the sun came out. We spread out to check when paper disappeared in the middle of a huge muddy field. Sex P found trail and the pack converged in her wake. FRBs were home in 55 mins I guess. TMB had 7.5km, 2km more than Sticky Wicket who wasn’t involved in the checking up front nonsense. Nearly an hour later and well after the circle began,
Tiptoe, Rooter and Frozen returned thankful to be alive.

Good trails that would have been a really good run if we’d been able to see paper better.
Only 3 rules for hares in the monsoon: 1. More paper. 2. Clear paper 3. Visible paper. On on,
Alice

13th July – CH4 – HRA

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

I’d pretty much decided not to go today, but when I picked the kids up from school, they were excited to go to a HRA run! Can’t knock back their enthusiasm for exercise, so we headed down with high expectations. Familiar runsite, not far from the football field on canal road, and a familiar on out, across the wasteland. Attacked by dogs but no check as we headed along the trail at the bottom of the hill. The first check had us all foxed. Everyone wanted to head towards the hills, but the hare had turned left down past the quarry to the road. I was taking it steady early on, letting others do the checking. We crossed the road, and so rarely run closer to canal road. Another check, and Sex Pistol went right – I figured that was the best guess, and also that she hadn’t quite gone far enough. Sure enough I went past her and found rail dropping down into a gully? Not sure what to call it – a drainage ditch? a shitfest? I nailed a few checks from here, including getting back from being nailed at a false trail. Still taking it steady, and the pack was all together when we got back to the road.

The checks were thick and fast, just the way I love hashing! Over the road, I went right and left, but finally got one wrong. This one took us a lot of time as Sheep Shagger found trail to the left, but didn’t let us know until calling false trail from a V check. Turkish in disguise? I carried on checking further to the right until eventually we were called on properly. The delay had given Alice enough time to short cut to trail further on, and get going on the walker trail. Finally we were back on trail, but if I was taking it steady before, now I was really taking it easy. A check-rich trail like this would give plenty of time later on.

I caught up with a group at another false trail, which had already been kicked out as Chuckie was somewhere up ahead. The false trail had been marked, but the next circle not, which suggested it was the most obvious way, and sure enough I caught CW up at the top of the hill. He claimed he’d already checked the obvious trail down to the right, and he headed up to the left. I loitered. If it wasn’t down to the right, where could it be? Sex Pistol went down to the right and within moments was calling us ON – is CW going blind? The downhill charge started, finally we were headed towards home. We went past a trail that is somewhat hidden to the right – I had a gut feeling that HRA knew about it, and would have put a check there, but there was no check – I so nearly went right, but instead followed Sex Pistol and Obscene to the false trail. DAMNIT!

Now I was just behind CW again, and surely we were getting close. Another circle, and I didn’t even consider going right, just followed CW down to the left. Nada… WTF?! Back up the hill and around to the right. Very nice hare, very nice. Damn these checks were devilishly good! SP back at the front as we came down a slightly different ridge to rejoin the walker trail and spot Tiptoe and Cabbage Patch wandering around aimlessly. I got another one right, and the trails were coming together in my head. A final circle, and when I climbed up a bank I could see the paper, but CW and SP were in between me and the paper. CW picked it up and was off. SP and I caught Superman up (Yes… Superman… you read that right), and then jogged in together. Really fine trail, some really excellent checks that kept the pack close together. Great job HRA!

—-

From Alice:-

Out of the Mouths of Babes.

Dr Byte’s gremlins were put on the spot in the circle. On ice on the spot. Why, it was demanded, did they chose to hash today? Because daddy told us it was an HRA run. And why do you think HRA lays good trails? Because he’s a good runner!
Well, those pesky kids were on to something and H duly obliged with a well crafted, cunning set that had the pack twisting this way and that.
Set on white strips with the X marks the spot insignia, the trail led south from the A and the first check was a corker. Eventually Ben Dover did the bizo looking through the trees and there was paper not 20m off the main path!
From here we wound down to the road to Grand Canyon and against expectations went lower towards Canal Rd on flat trails through and between orchards, properties, copses and a long recessed gully. Checks had the pack together and the FRBs changing over repeatedly.
As we came back to the road, the run took a turn towards the bizarre. Byte, Chacky and Sheep Shagger were all spread out checking and Sheep Shagger returned from the left side, Byte from the right. I was sure the hare must take us up towards the forest from here and ducked into an overgrown field by my self. I heard a False Trail call from my left and happily spied paper in the quarry out back of my field. I scooched through the wire and was alone in the quarry in paper. On on! I followed clear paper back out to the left and by happy chance guessed 3 checks on the bounce. Terrain was thick, overgrown in parts but HRA had found some trails and hidden cut throughs of little ravines and gullies.
Eventually I came out into the open and recognized where I was. Paper led left up a main forest path but H had used that for a False Trail previously. I sauntered on, 20 secs jogging, ten walking, the odd faint call behind me. I saw paper going left up the next main trail but also yellow walkers’ paper to the right. I bowed to good sense as I’ve been a bit sick for a few days and decided mellow yellow was better than white supremacy. The grass was high but the route well marked and I bashed back towards the A. Suddenly movement ahead. Superman appeared and was checking. He went down on an easier path, I took a deeply leaf-filled trench into the forest and turned right. Climbing up a rise, X paper gleamed beautifully in the late afternoon rays. On on again!
I kept going by 20/10 method and suddenly On In and an arrow appeared in flour on the deck!
Back at the A HRA looked aghast as I staggered home in 47 minutes. You can’t be back now! he ejaculated in best Victor Meldew fashion. He was happy I’d taken the yellow shirt cut route and we chatted amicably until the real He Men returned, Chacky, Byte and Sheep Shagger too.
Great run, clearly marked, don’t miss out when HRA or Cumalot are hare!
Alice

6th July – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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WTF? So the hare is now in hospital, the co-hare unable to show up because of class… I was left to give the briefest of harebriefs… Before the run I’d taken the 2 visitors aside and told them about the really shitty temple steps – 990 steps to the temple behind the Sameong football field. I told them as an example of a shitty run that some virgins decide to do when they don’t know any better, and assured them that Mr. Poo wouldn’t do anything so stupid…

Was I set up? The hare decides to set one of the worst runs in hash history, checks into rehab, and leaves me the job of emcee? So embarrassed from setting the run they both can’t face showing up? Trail set into the mountains, but if the hashers don’t return, the hares will be fine, pampered by cute nurses, taking selfies of their mountains of food.

We were off, and Chuckie and I both got the first check wrong. Both confident we were right, and trying to out run each other to justify our choice as ‘first to the check’. Nobody else called, so we carried on around and finally I hit trail going backwards as finally HRA called on leading Greasy towards me. We were headed towards the temple. It was Belly that called the 2nd check, and fook me dead, surely not. At the foot of the steps we couldn’t see paper, until Sex Pistol went a bit further up and called “ONON”. WHY? If she had just said “I see nothing”, we could all have turned around and given up. Poo would never have known… We could have just done a little jog along the river and gone back to the beer, but bloody Sex Pistol calls us on, and now we are committed to the climb.

I was still in the state that Mr. Poo wouldn’t do a run like that. He wouldn’t do the hill. He isn’t a monster. So at the only opportunity to escape the hill, I checked left, praying I was right, but ultimately CW called from up the steps, and we were doomed. There is that moment on the climb where it looks like you might have got to the top, and then you round the corner and see an even steeper set of stairs blending into the distance. Having climbed the stairs before I was ready for it, ready for the pain, heartbreak and sorrow.

Finally reaching the top, and the pack is strung out for the descent. CW leading the way with Greasy, and I was in a pack with Sex Pistol, Sheep Shagger and Rob. On the downhill bits I let gravity control my legs, but it took a lot of effort to keep moving on even the slightest ascent. Up the stairs so we could attack the road? Somewhere ahead I heard a check and and ONON from Greasy. CW had breezed past the alternative “trail” and let GG take it – SS and SP ducked off and I headed to deal with the circle, at least until I saw poor CW panting his way back up the hill. Surely we all know you could have just carried on and rejoined a bit below? Good sport though.

CW was on a mission down the hill while my legs were still feeling the steps. At the bottom we emerged back just by the temple… Oh how I wish I had sprinted to find paper there before anyone found paper up the temple steps. From here it was a bunch of tarmac to take us to the road ONIN. Shitty Trail…