Category Archives: CH4 – Sunday

6th August – CH4 – Chuck Wao

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The hash was on my way home from work, so I thought I may as well stop off for some exercise. For sure the supreme cunt ringleader wouldn’t be there to sour the mood. So, the CSH3 is not worth attending for the forseeable future while the puppet master dictates how attendees can have fun. I can only hope that he gets the message that he isn’t really welcome on Mondays and fucks off again. At least the Happy Hash is free, and by far the best hash in CM these days – even here there is a sombre tone – at least in my mind. Nothing lasts forever!

I got out the car with moments to spare before the harebrief. I only had enough time to pay up, but still I was immediately pounced on by the hare raiser – even the hash cash commented he was looking for hares… WTF??? The last runs I’ve been to for both the CH3 and CH4 – I was the fucking hare! I haven’t run a trail since before Covid hit! I politely told the hare raiser to fuck off.

We were set off heading towards the hills, at the back of the lake behind 700 year stadium – a familiar spot that I had paper carried for CW a year or so back. Years ago there were great trails around here, but since the Moobaan was built and destroyed the side of the mountain, the trails that are left are largely overgrown.

A “V” check, and I went right – which was right, but moments later I was following single strands of paper to nowhere. Clearly the hare had tried to pick up trail, but missed bits as he rerouted over to the mainer trail. Another circle, and it was Bushy Tail that headed in the right direction – and it was sometime before anyone saw or heard from her again. Meanwhile the rest of us hunted around for paper for a while before finally heading in the right direction.

Long stretches without checks, and a long(ish) ascent up the waterfall. I regained the lead and as paper continued up the hill, I spied an odd looking piece off to the left. I was expecting a left turn, so investigated and sure enough trail cut across – I say trail, but it was an ugly scramble. We crossed a perfectly reasonable trail, but no check and the hares chose not to use it, prefering a treacherous rainy season descent into a waterfall and down the slippery rocks. Finally I could get running a little, but with no checks and no sounds behind, I was on my own. Across the waterfall, and trail up to the right… I wasn’t convinced but followed it up to an also unconvincing checkback.

Cartoon and HRA joined me as we dropped down to the lakeside and followed the trail along the side of it. A few more confusing checks that I don’t think any of the 3 of us kicked out… We were working in unison, taking turns to skip ahead missing the odd check here and there. Through the army village, along the side of the creek, and HRA started to stretch ahead, passing some walkers. One final check up at the corner of the dam, and I guess you are only as good as your last check.

Waited around for 15-20 mins for the next runners to come in and the set off home.

2nd January – CH4 – HRA

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Best run of the year… so far…

Well, certainly an interesting experience! It was from the crematorium next to the Disco shelter, and I arrived in just enough time after work. Harebrief fumbled through and we were set off up the trail towards the hills. Poo and a visitor got the running going, only to get the first check wrong, and I found myself ahead until the 2nd check when I was back to the back. We dropped into a creek bed and then started climbing for real. It was a scramble for a while and then trail up, up, up…

At the top we turned left and headed down, down, down. On the way down the checks were all straight on, and whoever was up front kept nailing them, but the pack was all running hard down the hill. At the bottom, I got a check wrong – badly wrong as I went through the temple, headed towards the road. When it was called in the complete opposite direction, I was tempted to bail out – apparently Graven did, and was expecting to see me going back on the road. But no, reluctantly I turned left again and headed back into the mountains – how many times could we turn left?

The pack charged on ahead, while I slowed and was past by Anal Boring and Piggy. Piggy encouraged me to stick to paper, and reluctantly I did, but heading back up that hill wasn’t enjoyable! Finally we turned right, hacked steeply back down to the gully and then it was a gradual descent to the road. Piggy was walking not far ahead, but it took me a long time to close him down. As I got to him, he waved me past, but I was barely going quicker than him, when I slowed to a walk he started breaking away from me again, but at last we were back to the cold beer!

I recovered a bit… I got a beer… I took a shower… Changed… and was just about ready for a circle, when an ambulance showed up. I noticed HRA wasn’t about, and then started hearing stories about a hasher in trouble. On my phone I had an email from Alice with a pindrop, but no message, and no missed call. Nobody seemed to know what was going on, until FD appeared – it seems the stranded hashers had picked Frozen, our slowest hasher, to go to get help!

He told me to get in his truck and for the ambulance to follow us. In the car I got a little bit of information – Randy, a virgin brought by Anywan, had collapsed at the top of the hill – FD wasn’t sure if he would make it. We drove as close as we could, but then had to climb the mountain (again) – me in my work shoes by now. HRA grabbed a stretcher from the back of the ambulance, while the 2 paramedics chased him up the trail. Poo, Alice, HRA, myself and FD following along headed up.

As we got close to the pindrop, the group of hashers appeared out of the fading light – Randy had recovered, and he was ready to frogmarch down the hill to get out! They were waiting for us to show them a short cut? I have no idea, but for some reason I got to climb the bloody mountain an extra time tonight, while there was perfectly drinkable cold beer at the A site. All is well that ends well I guess…

26th Dec – CH4 – Taste My Buns & Brownfinger

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By Alice

——

Tasty and Browny combined to set a real runners’ run out in the wilds of Mae Wang waaaay down south.
Well it wasn’t that far – but it was a bit further than it could have been as April Fools met Boxing Day and no HHH sign on Canal Rd obviously guaranteed confusion/loss/misery/argument and delivered in spades! LungLa will NOT turn where there’s no HHH or listen to female navigators like Pussy Galore who advise him to!

Apart from Suckit’s ancient non standard HH signs in blue and black and paper seemingly hidden under grass and rocks the first few hundred metres, this trail in two parts did exactly what it said on the tin.

First section
was more broken and farm trails, shiggy and dusty roads with lorry drivers handsomely paid to raise dust and choke us to death. Checks were basically impossible to predict and the pack was well exercised finding the damn things and carrying on. The straight ones were the killers!

One of the features this area is cross paths and paths off paths so you really needed half a dozen active checkers and callers. We sometimes got the numbers, but checkers who don’t shout Checking! make it harder than it needs to be for keen mid packers.

I was feeling pretty good after getting an early check right and feeling I was in the hares’ head. That lasted ‘til approximately the next check. I was forest 120m thataway and OnOn was called 100m t’otherway! Back to back marker quick sharp!

Early doors I was checking down a gully and heard Banksie calling checking. I heard the sound of rain drops and looked up to see our Dutch mannequin emptying his bladder above me. Drip, drip, drip. Shame I forgot about that by circle time.

We dipped into a dry creek bed and up the other side under the golden wat on the hill. Beer stop location last year I remembered.

Last section was more forest and suddenly we came out to this year’s beer stop and TmB very happy at our grouping.

Banks with his haemerroid and enlarged prostate set off without further ado. Someone called after him:Wtf are you going solo, you’ll have to do the checks alone!
Cartoon, Skiddy, Trash Bin Boy and Pussy Whisperer also set off briskly as I filled my face with banana, choc and a tiny, tasty orange.

Second leg was forest trail heaven. Browny admitted to a narcotic effect as he set. It wasn’t quite as happy, feely for me, especially as I ran into the False Trails and Belly, suddenly the demon headmaster, was barking:Who is ahead of us!?

Shortly I found out. Skiddy yomping at speed and Whisperer checking who I was before answering my RU? call.

The FRBs had broken circles and it was just perfect forest running for km here with one fcuk up. A check had been broken into an orchard but trail was back right in the forest. Luckily I saw shirts thru the trees and followed but worried for the runners behind.

Strangely Anal, Suckit, new dad Piggy, Blows, Knockout and Anally Boring were in the van and we made good time pushing each other along. Even Banks managed to stay relevant building up his fag appetite for later.

Graven overtook me in a gully after checking the wrong way and helpfully pointed to paper I’d missed up the opposite bank. That’s the Grinch’s good deed of the year!

Out into more open country and Piggy said: I can see the cars! This didn’t assist in solving the last check but soon enough we were at the most welcome clear OnIn printed sign.

Great run and looking forward to the BB on Sunday 5th January and not the date Helpful Harry aka Frozen Dick told everyone in the circle!

Silly Cow’s lovely visitors Olive Oil and potentially Reach Around experienced ice and down downs, while Hash lush Snowball’s UK mate from Seattle let on that his sponsor filmed for years in the NW only to finally release his film on their 1000th run. Maybe CH4 have to wait for that? Visitor Fast Crash from
Portugal but based in Mozambique also put ample cheek to ice. Sadly we missed Dogshit, Principal’s Bitch, Comes Over Her Back and her wife possibly because of the early pick up or maybe babysitter issues. Great visitors are great fun and well done hares for providing an excellent set for the H3 high season.

12th Dec – CH4 – Alice (& Blows)

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Today there was a Malaysian invasion! We’ve had quite a few visitors recently, and today randomly an extra 96 (ish) showed up. Our regular 20-25 or so group is easy to handle – today we suddenly had to make sure there was enough transport and beer for a HUGE turnout – we also had a bunch of extra CM folks show up – very welcome to Bushy Tail, the returning Dogshit, and Liberace!

Alice had picked a runsite outside a school for a run starting at 4:30 – it was utter chaos! Songthaews arriving full of hashers, songthaews leaving with school kids. While the hare might have been frustrated in trying to get his harebrief done, it wasn’t anyone else’s fault!

We set off, and Brownie was clearly itching to test himself with the visitors! There were a couple of young trackstars that were clearly running well, but had no idea what happened at the check. I jogged along, getting the first few checks right – as I quickly figured it was a reverse of the last run Alice had set there. Of course he would go up to let everyone enjoy the views at the dam – it would be rude not to! The inside information left me well placed as we climbed the stairs and at the top where Alice was waiting, I was only going to head over the dam. For most of the visitors, this must have seemed like a low chance – good visibility and no sign of paper – but to me it was about 100%.

I was moving along nicely near the front – proud there was a group of 4 CM people (me, Tasty, Brownie and Cartoon), and only 1 visitor as we got to the other side of the dam. Then I got one check wrong and could never get back into it! Man the pace speeds up when you have a large group of FRBs! The rest of the run was familiar – heading inevitably towards the weir crossing.

The circle was good – considering the challenge of entertaining that many people.

5th December – CH4 – Prison Bitch & Discharge

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By Alice

Prison Bitch & Discharge were schooled in the fine art of haring by Knockout aka Jean d’Arc patron saintess and savior of those afflicted by dodgy bamboo bridges.

Well it was flat and lots of orchards and an area I’m not too familiar with. 3 pluses there. Some sharp turns that TmB didn’t see, much to Angry Inch’s enjoyment, also curries favour in the scribe’s eyes.

Two songthaos plus some visitors and a virgin, CH4 livin’ the high life nowadays…let’s enjoy it while we can (before the smog).

So off we went down the road and the FRBs almost missed check #1. Smallish beige flour circle on grass at the roadside. Didn’t bode well. Not did Square Rooter’s arse, which trumped out a call something between an earthquake and a bamboo bridge splintering. Purple Fart rather aptly caught the blast and he was not impressed.

Soon we were curving right along the side of an orchard and a bamboo bridge of fairly challenging nature presented. TmB and Strangely fcuked off to locate the next crossing. The rest followed Browny and Angry across to a circle. Slowly, wobbling and afraid of an early bath. KO jumped in the raging torrent to steady poor hashers as they crossed. Prison Bitch allegedly broke the 4th pole while crossing earlier but thankfully the remaining 3 supported Shrek, so I felt the rest of the pack was going to be fine.

The trail went basically anti clockwise but was hard to predict at checks. Brownfinger had an almost perfect record at checks – of fcuking up. I’ll follow him next run because even he can’t keep that stupendous level up.

Purple Fart was going really well although I’m suspicious it was just to keep upwind of Rooter’s rotten rectum.
Good to see Always on Top on trail and some guys I didn’t know, Young & Rich, Scratch, Braindead (HK H3er from 1972) and just someone else.

We crossed and re-crossed little irrigation streams and ducked low under branches. Suddenly we were back on tracks and there was Pussy Galore having followed trial in reverse after refusing the bridge. 4 points for refusal for PG!

The OnIn was big and clear but then trail disappeared and we stumbled back through the trees and rubbish to the footy field.

I had around 5.7km. A very pleasant return run back in CM. Nice one hares.

28th November – CH4 – Pussy Whisperer & Blows Herself

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I cruised out of work with enough time to get to the end of canal road to drop some beer off and go for a run. They are digging up part of the canal road that they only laid a year or so back, so I just managed to get to the circle site before 4:30, only to find the hares had said fuck it, and let the pack leave early… :( WTF? Only the songthaew matters now? Screw anyone who still has a job? The run was listed for 4:30, why the hell are they setting everyone off early? These thoughts coursed through my mind for pretty much all of the run. Especially as I unloaded beer and water from my car before setting off, while the hares just watched me. A quick change, and I finally set off at 4:34pm – now maybe 7-8 mins, call it a KM behind the pack.

After 20 mins or so, I caught up with Katastrophe and Square Rooter – Rooter didn’t want to let me pass virtually throwing me into a ravine so I could keep going. I was trying to set an ok pace that didn’t put me into the red. A while later I passed Robin Banks, and then caught a collection of walkers including Pussy Galore, Cumalot, Always on Top and some others. I passed one young looking Thai guy, and initially thought it was Always On Top’s nephew, but put my head down and got into running along. The young Thai guy left the walkers and started running along with me, and only then I looked over my shoulder to see it was Bus Bitch keeping me company.

One of the great things about this area is it is generally flat – except Pussy Whisperer had managed to find the only hill there was – without a trail and launched us up it. I heard nothing from ahead, just BB and I plugging away. Most of the checks had been kicked out with Teutonic efficiency – I suspect someone being extra caring with Dad following behind.

Finally as we approached the OnIn, I saw Angry Inch up ahead – he turned and asked who was following, and when he found out it was me, he stopped, and pulled out his cock.

21st November – CH4 – Graven & Strangely

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Despite all the hashing I’ve been involved with this was just about the first time I’ve run in about a month – I wasn’t sure how my body would react, but when I got started, it was clearly ready to run. Fantastic that the heat has dropped, the air is clean, and my legs have some stamina!

I got the first few checks right, after spotting some paper on the approach to the A-site (shelter on way to Tiger Head). We looped around the weir and back across the road. I finally got a circle wrong when I ran into a backcheck – clearly marked from the other direction. I was tempted to run through it, but played the game and went back, and after another loop I was back at the front chuckling to myself as I saw Cartoon headed towards the same backcheck. I jogged over to the square lake, and kept getting checks right as we headed towards the trail behind the ‘locked’ gate. I was ahead again there until Cartoon suddenly jumped out of the forest in front of me.

I figured Graven would stick with the lower trails as he is setting another run on Saturday from the Tiger’s Head, but nope – he took us up the hill. For once I enjoyed the climb, having got the check at the bottom, I slotted in behind the FRBs and trudged up with Shrek. What goes up must come down – woot woot! It was time to set off, and Emmaroyde was a demon on the descent! I was literally sprinting down the hill when he asked if he could pass! A slight muddle at the last check had me fighting off a pack of dogs before a long finale down the road.

Great, great run!

25th Oct – CH4 – Jungle Chim & It’ll Come

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I like running the CH4 on a Friday! Maybe we should do it every week? For working folks like me, it would be a nice way to end the week – at least I don’t have to get up tomorrow! 😀

This was a one off, for good reason, and Jungle Chim’s words to close the circle were excellently timed and very fitting. On In DN!

Back to the run. I wasn’t feeling great after lunch – suffering with stress induced indigestion, that finally led me to get medical advice, and take some drugs. By the time I got to the runsite I was feeling much better. The run directions were along the lines of – it is a shelter in Saraphi that isn’t easy to find, but you should follow the river down, we’ll try and put some signs somewhere, but by the way, the bridge at Baan Tawai is broken. It was a miracle any of us found it!

The hare brief wasn’t brief. There was an ingenious twist, where the Wimp Rambo split would be at a circle check! Inspired! Not only that, the hares told the walkers that they would be able to see trail leading away from the circle if they wanted to do the Walk, otherwise we had to look for the Rambo. Funnily enough, by the time the walkers got to that circle, trail had been laid very clearly leading away from it (onto the Run), and nobody noticed another trail for the walk.

The trail was flat, weaving through some orchards, and apparently we went past a lot of bananas. In the circle the bananas were brought up several times. Perhaps it says something about my state of mind, but I didn’t see any bananas.

17th Oct – CH4 – Bend Over

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Happy Happy Happy Hash! Bendover chose to sent us on the way to Sameong, in order to come back close to the canal road football field. I can’t complain too much – I hit 6 straight green lights on canal road – I should buy a lottery ticket!

After the harebrief, we set off into the nice cut through – I always wonder about that cut through – who built it? It must be man made. Anyway, I jogged along and superhuman Tasty was alongside and then just ahead at the first circle. No options – a cliff to the right, dense jungle to the left. Tasty carried on – I loitered and called for those behind to start checking, but nobody could spot a trail. No call from Tasty, so as the last of the back markers got to the check, I went back 150m or so to find trail heading off down the hill.

I was ahead for a while, and hit a circle near the road. As I checked back to the left, I saw the hare cruising past in his truck – I suspect trail wasn’t yet in place, but either way it wasn’t where I was looking, but had time to get back to Cartoon and Pussy Whisperer as trail was found further on the road. A V-check, and I was right, but here a breakaway formed with Tasty, Brownie and Graven. I held on to them for quite a while as we looped around on some nice, well marked trail. Good checks, but I managed to get to the checks as the others found trail.

At the W/R split, I decided to save my legs for tomorrow, and took the shorter route home. Good job!

26th Sept – CH4 – Brownie (& Tasty)

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To Obkhan and the hex shelter, close to the end of the universe! By some miracle, I hit green lights at almost every junction and bringing Terror Byte along we were in good time for the run. A v. small turnout though, bolstered by a late appearing returning Anyone.

We set off into the garden centre, with Terrorbyte excited to be back on trail, leading the way for a short while. Soon enough Chuckie took over, and then I started stringing some checks together. Tasty was out on trail despite being the hare – sweeping is one thing, but overtaking front runners… hmmmz… Lucky she was there though as large parts of the trail had been taken down along one of the mainer trails, and I’m not sure we would have found it otherwise – we stood more chance of finding the way back instead.

I led the way as we climbed a little hill, and then broke off onto some great running trails back down the hill. The checks were where I was confident I was correct, and junctions that would have been doubtful were marked through. So things were going well until we once again ran out of paper, and Tasty was there to tell us there should have been a false trail ahead.

As we got close to home, CW and Cartoon were breathing down my neck – the last check I saw had CW follow me, so I checked determinedly until I found the out trail paper and headed back missing out on an extra km detour. A nice route on some trails that I haven’t been on for a while. Not keen on a hare being out on trail, but today it might have been a problem without it. When trail has been removed previously the pack has always found a way of solving it!