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21st Dec – CGH3 – Bend Over

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Yikes! I hope Santa brings me a new GPS watch! These days I am down to hashing once a week and that sucks! I have to work on Thursdays, so no Happy Hash. Saturday hash is “Meh” – I can only hope for changes in leadership to make it worthwhile going to next year – or perhaps we should just start a new hash at the weekend? Anyway, Mondays, I can get out of work to get to the Gentleman’s hash….

Bendover was the man from somewhere along the Ob Kham road, and overall it was a great set in an area that he knows very well. I had high ambitions for today – I’d not done too much at the weekend, so was feeling good before we set off. We all set off walking, and despite sparse paper as we got to the first check it felt like a couple of weeks before where I went left (correctly) and Cartoon went right…. – this time, Cartoon was correct, and I was wrong. The fucking annoying bit is that his correct choice was a retarded loop up a small hill and back to 4M away from where I was – Nice one Hare, you got me.

So I was playing some catch-up, but I was also conserving energy. For some reason the hare had told us in the hare brief there was going to be some checking early and some running later – TMI? The next part was a mass confusion! I have no idea what was happening – I wasn’t quite at the front, but those ahead also seemed to have no idea what was going on. Scum hadn’t seen a check back before so was maybe checking a new check, Shrek was later accused of confusing people with how he solved a FT… For me, I have no idea what was going on – I didn’t see paper, I was just chasing flashes of people’s shirts through the forest – given how messed up it seemed, I am shocked how quickly we found it.

And then to the turn…. Scum didn’t believe me 100%, but it was the moment it would either turn left or right. We ambled. My gut was to go right, and Cartoon was already going that way so we could ‘amble’ towards him. Shrek called it from 180 degrees, completely the opposite direction, but Cartoon, just ahead on trail said “huh” – he found paper too, so perhaps we short cut, or perhaps we used our superior intelligence, either way the trail broke right, and we were on paper.

I had a bit of advantage over Scum here having run here before, so took a bit of a lead. Perhaps I could be the one to win on Bend Over’s challenge? Sadly no….. I made a very stupid call at a check by Turkey’s Triangle…. I am still upset with myself – last time I ran there was before the road was tarmacced, so I was slightly confused, but still Emma Royde got the key check right and there is no chasing that guy down!

Great exercise, and great chilled circle. There were some really funny moments, but nothing forced. Thanks BO!

14th December – CGH3 – Titty Smoker

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I need to cut back on Sunday exercise if I am going to be able to run on a Monday – that was only 6.4km with <100m elevation change, but it was really, really tough! From out the back of Itchy & Suckit’s place, it is a maze of trails, creeks, little hills, rocky bits, sandy bits that all blend into one another. Even on a straight trail it is easy to get disoriented, on this hash we zigged and zagged around and I was thankful for the breadcrumb paper trail to lead me back out to safety! Initially the hares had carefully placed the sun to be right in our eyes and when in front it was a big challenge to look at the floor for footing, and yet up to see paper, being constantly blinded when doing so. It seemed whichever way I turned the sun was coming at me. I tried jogging for a short downhill stretch, but it became quickly apparent that my exertions over the weekend were weighing heavily in my legs, so I would at best be able to walk. When I nearly decided to short cut, I realised I couldn’t be sure which direction to go, so my best option was to continue following paper. Fortunately the checks were good, and this pack of CGH3 runners stayed close together. HRA set off late, but somehow didn’t manage to catch the main group, and while Sheep Shagger loaded up with rocks for his garden, he was still with the pack most of the way around. I am not sure I’ve been on all of those trails before – admittedly a lot look the same, but it definitely wasn’t just the same as usual. Enjoyable, but tough… I need a couple of days now to recover!

7th December – CGH3 – Frozen Dick

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It was down the canal road for tonight’s hash from FD’s place. For weeks we have heard about the great Rib Off between FD and Shrek, so we knew the food should be special, and after missing a few weeks because of vacation, work and exhaustion, it was nice to get back out on trail.

I set off with Cartoon in the standard start to the run, with the expected circle check – he may as well just fix a permanent circle there! It is 50/50, and this time I chose left, which was right. Too early to start running, so I walked along letting Emma Royde & Shrek nearly catch me by the next couple of checks, which I also got correct – straight on to the hills. A V check to the left, a V check to the right – I was on a roll and still not really running yet. Then a circle in the middle of a sticker patch. Overgrown trails around, but just those ugly grass seeds sticking in my feet. Emma Royde and Pigshit seemed to spend more time sitting down picking at their feet than running!

The pack was sticking together and I drifted along in the middle. I wasn’t feeling too great and had to pause at one point to empty my stomach. I lost some ground, and the found myself with Piggy towards the back. I could have easily short cut my way back, but that wasn’t the point, and with the checks it didn’t take long for me to get back near the front. It cooled off a bit, and I started feeling better. Navigating my way forward, it seemed Cartoon was setting the pace, but he got a circle badly wrong going up an unnecessary hill in the wrong direction. Shrek took control, and with Scum chasing him down he blitzed through a few checks. I was running now, but the two of them ahead weren’t letting up. Titty Smoker was on my heels as we got to the penultimate check. That was GAME OVER for Shrek – too bad buddy! The trail was a gentle decline, so the afterburners were lit and I think the whole pack was pushing it chasing Scum to the last check. Game Over Scum! I rounded the corner and picked up the paper trail. A glance over my shoulder showed Piggy chasing me down, but I knew I was close to home, and he was too far back. ON IN!

A civilised circle sat on Frozen’s back porch. Note to self – bring spare socks next week, and a jacket – it is starting to get colder! Finally it was time for the main event and the chefs hit the kitchen. For me there was a clear winner, but I’m sure everyone has their own taste, and being honest I could never claim to be a ribs expert. The potato salad competition was an unexpected bonus – for me that was much harder to call, but I suspect both competitors had help! Cheers to all for a great evening!

9th November – CGH3 – HRA

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The gentlemen of Chiang Mai Hashing convened for the 3rd outing – this time an HRA affair in his favourite area – this time the A-site was in a farmer’s field up the hill from the canal road football field.

I have run that area many times, so I didn’t expect to find any new trails, and also having hared quite a bit with HRA I have a bit of an idea how his mind works, so the set didn’t surprise me, but it was still a fun set. In the harebrief he promised us 53 minutes for the FRBs and that was pretty much spot on – indeed I looked at my watch towards the end of the run to see how much time we had left before I decided which way to check.

We started off with a bit of climbing and a conservative pace. Shrek was ahead early, but seemed to misunderstand that when you hit a “FT” you should call out “FALSE TRAIL”, not just grab the sign and run back. Bad Shrek – no biscuit! A bit further on trail he was telling us about how he tapered for 3 days to prepare for today’s hash – is someone becoming a racist?!

We crossed back over the road to the trails closer to the football field, and then there was a nice circle to FT combination. It would have worked out even better if most of the pack hadn’t short cut their way up to the FT, but for sure the pack was together. Cartoon and Mary Poppins lead the way for a while with Titty Smoker in the mix as well. For me I seemed to have to keep thanking ABB as he kindly stepped aside for me to pass him – should I say thank-you? Should I say thank-you every time? I am grateful, but it seems a bit weird if I have to thank him again a few hundred meters later because I’ve screwed up!

Thankfully I got back into the game at the front for a bit, but HRA did manage to get into my head a bit – I know he is meticulous, and he will pull down old paper. There was one check where I found some ripped up old paper that looked like HRA had pulled it off and then dropped it, and sure enough I was right! But then there was a check that there was old paper still hanging from a leaf – surely I was wrong, but this time I was right but the paper hadn’t been taken down… So the next check I found old paper and carried on only to be way back again and having ABB step aside for me to pass again. Haring on a new level!

The pack was still together, but Shrek was edging ahead. A bit of confusion towards the end, but we were so close to home. I wanted to use my kick to finish, but there was no kick. My nose was telling me where the A-site was, but my legs were telling me they were fine as they were. Titty Smoker took off after Shrek, I walked in with Piggy. Good fun set, good exercise and then a comfortable, social, chilled out chat.

2nd November – CGH3 – Cartoon – Run #2

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The gentlemen’s hash is off and rolling with a decent turn out for run #2. While the hash is in good shape, I wasn’t. I recently gave up beer for 100 days, but fell off the wagon, and on Saturday night happened to be chatting to Taste My Buns about getting some exercise in (ooer). Doi Ngum came up, and somehow I found myself with Shrek, Sloppy and TMB tackling the climb on Sunday – complete with the ladder obstacle. None of that is at all relevant to today’s run, except that I felt terrible all day, and nearly did a U-turn on my way to the run.

And so it is – run #2, from Cartoon’s lake. His son Duffy Duck on hand to co-hare and the mountain panorama spread out ahead of us! Would he take us on those beautiful forest trails? Or would he put us on the road and through the cowshit? Unfortunately it seemed the cowshit got the win. The pace was slow to begin with, as most seemed to be following me – I was struggling to keep going so when I got the first check wrong I couldn’t start catching up again.

I walked along for a bit with hashers ahead of me, but as we zigged and zagged into the ricefield, they were calling from ahead of me, and then from behind me. I think Pigshit was completely confused at one point when he probably assumed I was in front, but actually behind on the wrong side of a canal.

I laboured my way to the road, and across the otherside there were hashers disappearing in the distance. I persisted a short way, but realised I was probably doing my harm than good, so bailed back to the A, missing the beerstop, but got a cheerful wave from Sloppy as he drove by presumably out of work late.

Thanks for the efforts, and good to see a good group together for it – I have to manage my body a bit better to cope with it!

26th October – CGH3 – Shrek – Run #1

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The gentlemen hashers of Chiang Mai gathered for their inaugural run – the founders day run for a new chapter of hashing in Chiang Mai. It was great to be back out on trail amongst a friendly positive vibe. I don’t want to dwell on the fracture that led to this moment, as the focus should be on the enjoyable evening and the positives moving forward, and after all any “male” with an email address is probably still suffering from bleeding ears caused by the petty childishness of certain email exchanges. When wannabe despots or dictators are determined to be divisive to the point of destruction, divorce can cure the dolorousness. Alliteration – awesome – moving on.

I got to the cremation place by the disco shelter a bit early – perhaps excited to be hashing again, but mostly not wanting to go back to my office after class. The signage was slightly off, and I stumbled upon a circle check – useful inside information for later! Shrek showed up just after I’d moved his sign and one by one more cars started appearing with hashers eagerly stumbling out. A collective BYO appeared to extend to “Bring Your Own Hasher” – at least for Titty Smoker who had rounded up a collection. Sheepy was the last to appear as Shrek sent us off out the entrance and left to an immediate circle check that none of us had spotted on the drive in.

Straight away we were foxed! The entrance to the disco shelter was pretty overgrown, so everyone went straight past to the circle, and we spent some time hunting around some guys garden with his dogs. Someone was insistent it was the Disco Shelter, but there certainly weren’t any disco’s going on there! Finally I found it with SS who had clearly been told where to go by the hare after he’d got changed. A few early checks with the hare being kind to us on the water crossings – one of the bridges even had metal rails to hold on to! This is gentlemanly hashing if you ask me!

It’s been a while since I’ve been here, but there are certain limits and routes that were predictable (particularly knowing where a circle would be later in the run). Nonetheless there was a decent recycling of the lead up front and the checks kept us together. Piggy and I got ahead at one point, and as we past a trail that headed up the hill Piggy launched into a discussion about how nice it would be to go up that hill and get the blood going. I scarcely had time to reply when we hit the FT and had to go back and up the hill. Cartoon wanted to go even higher up the hill and missed the trail as it cut along the edge of the hill and before long Emma Royde and I were heading back down the hill. This time I did have enough time to tell Emma to expect an FT moments before we saw it. From here we scrambled a little into a ravine – it brought back memories from a long time ago – this time the hare had tried to cut in some steps to help us scramble out and I led the way past some savage dogs around the corner to see the wide grin of the hare sat with some welcomed cold beverages.

There was a circle check at the beer stop, but this time I was 100% sure which way to go, as I knew there was a circle just around the corner. I made as if to check that way while some supped a beer. After confirming my knowledge I walked back to the drinkers and let Cartoon check in the wrong direction for a bit before the group set off on the 2nd half. The next check was the brutal one – which is strange as I had driven here in my car, and I absolutely remember the trail the hare used, and I even checked near there first, but ended up checking wrong. I had a hunch that it had to be up the hill given where the beerstop was, so even though I was reluctant, I did a huge loop around. Huge is not an understatement – when I intercepted trail I must have been 500m++ above them up the hill. I heard that Shrek had to tell the rest where to go. But now I was on trail, ahead… alone… I did hear some calls from behind as I got to the top of the hill, but luckily for me there was no check as the trail turned and went back down again – a nice quick decent down the trail that back in February we escorted the ambulance men on to rescue a stranded hasher. This time there was no holding back – hit the road and back along to the A.

A really enjoyable bit of exercise, followed by a nice chilled out circle. Hashing really is quite simple – a run / some exercise, followed by a beer and some banter. The formula was achieved and the CGH3 is born. OnOn and see you next week! Perhaps we could do without the Danish paint remover to drink?

6th August – CH4 – Chuck Wao

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The hash was on my way home from work, so I thought I may as well stop off for some exercise. For sure the supreme cunt ringleader wouldn’t be there to sour the mood. So, the CSH3 is not worth attending for the forseeable future while the puppet master dictates how attendees can have fun. I can only hope that he gets the message that he isn’t really welcome on Mondays and fucks off again. At least the Happy Hash is free, and by far the best hash in CM these days – even here there is a sombre tone – at least in my mind. Nothing lasts forever!

I got out the car with moments to spare before the harebrief. I only had enough time to pay up, but still I was immediately pounced on by the hare raiser – even the hash cash commented he was looking for hares… WTF??? The last runs I’ve been to for both the CH3 and CH4 – I was the fucking hare! I haven’t run a trail since before Covid hit! I politely told the hare raiser to fuck off.

We were set off heading towards the hills, at the back of the lake behind 700 year stadium – a familiar spot that I had paper carried for CW a year or so back. Years ago there were great trails around here, but since the Moobaan was built and destroyed the side of the mountain, the trails that are left are largely overgrown.

A “V” check, and I went right – which was right, but moments later I was following single strands of paper to nowhere. Clearly the hare had tried to pick up trail, but missed bits as he rerouted over to the mainer trail. Another circle, and it was Bushy Tail that headed in the right direction – and it was sometime before anyone saw or heard from her again. Meanwhile the rest of us hunted around for paper for a while before finally heading in the right direction.

Long stretches without checks, and a long(ish) ascent up the waterfall. I regained the lead and as paper continued up the hill, I spied an odd looking piece off to the left. I was expecting a left turn, so investigated and sure enough trail cut across – I say trail, but it was an ugly scramble. We crossed a perfectly reasonable trail, but no check and the hares chose not to use it, prefering a treacherous rainy season descent into a waterfall and down the slippery rocks. Finally I could get running a little, but with no checks and no sounds behind, I was on my own. Across the waterfall, and trail up to the right… I wasn’t convinced but followed it up to an also unconvincing checkback.

Cartoon and HRA joined me as we dropped down to the lakeside and followed the trail along the side of it. A few more confusing checks that I don’t think any of the 3 of us kicked out… We were working in unison, taking turns to skip ahead missing the odd check here and there. Through the army village, along the side of the creek, and HRA started to stretch ahead, passing some walkers. One final check up at the corner of the dam, and I guess you are only as good as your last check.

Waited around for 15-20 mins for the next runners to come in and the set off home.

CSH3 Hash Trash #1

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Test Hash Trash

7th Mrch – CH3 – Knockout

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Who would hve though it? Decent ir in Mrch?

OK, before I crry on – I hould point out tht the ” nd ” key on my keybord ren’t working, nd I cn’t be red copying nd pting for the ke of write up. You cn figure it out if you wnt, or not bother if you don’t – I don’t relly cre!

new runite jut long from regulr one. o we were quickly on regulr tril. Up towrd lt mn tnding tril tht hed towrd Doi Pui. fter couple of check we followed the blue pipe up, nd when we hit the min tril there w Wimp Rmbo option. Th Rmbo heding further up, o I decided to l hed bck down.

10th Feb – CH3 – Strangely Anal & Graven Image

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The airplane site out in between San Kampaeng & Doi Saket… It was a national holiday, so off work, I figured I’d head along and get out of the house for a bit. The air pollution was pretty bad in the morning, but improved through the afternoon, either way when HRA asked me to bring him some beer, I decided to head over to deliver some beer, but not head out on the run. So, while the pack set off, I hung around with the GM and the hares, had a beer, and maybe saw 3m of trail.

The excitement for us back at the A site was the owner of the property hearing that there was a bunch of farangs running around their airplanes… Plenty of negotiation later, it all calmed down, and we were ok to continue with the circle, but were later given a phone number to contact them if we were to ever go back there again.

Meanwhile some hashers did some running, and I did some drinking… Sloppy led the pack in… The circle was notable for somewhat offensive Nazi paraphernalia… I can safely say that if anyone tries to give me and expect me to wear an award that has a swastika on it, then that award would be destroyed very quickly. It was extremely distasteful, and Frozen Dick was absolutely correct to call it out.