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24th June – CH3 – Soft Balls

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It was a trip out to the lake by Alpine Golf Course, and the first run I’d been on set by Softballs… It was a bit warm, so I set off alongside Pigshit, taking tips on how to come from behind by walking very slowly at the start. I tried, but after a while, I edged my way forwards.

It was CW & Skid Mark setting the pace, and I trotted along behind them. Rice fields to the right, we were heading along a nice trail along the bottom of a hill to the left. Wimp Rambo split had the Wimps heading off to the right, but instinct would have suggested the Rambo trail would be to the left back over the hill. We hit a stretch of about a KM with no checks, and I caught Skidmark while CW was up ahead. CW also expected to turn left, and got the V check wrong. In the meantime, I’d changed my mind, and guessed that the reason there were no checks was that we were heading back parallel to where we were.

I was right, and managed to jog along – another KM back with no checks, while CW slowly reeled me in and caught me at the beer stop. We were back on the road, but we struggled for a moment not spotting paper heading into the rice field to the left – an abrupt road crossing apparently. CW did spot it, about the same time I found paper further up the road, so I carried on walking so he would catch up. Seems there was plenty of confusion from there on, as paper wasn’t easy to spot. I rounded a corner and suddenly found CW & Skiddy appearing again in front of me not long before the ONIN.

Badly needed exercise!

22nd June – CSH3 – Just Cumming

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I don’t think the GM likes us… Today was one of the hottest days – not a cloud in the sky, I’d dread to think what it must have been like for him setting it during the day! 😮

Given the runsite, it was unlikely to be flat – JC came to apologise to me before anything else! I remember Big Top setting a run from here – or rather attempting to set a run, and having all kinds of problems… A ball breaker some years ago was from the same place as well… It would take some skill to put together something decent! Sloppy was confident JC would pull it off.

We set off up the road… – maybe a km of tarmac, with the emphasis on “UP”. It was all up… The first check, everyone went right, and left me, CW & Sloppy ambling slowing along the road, chatting and waiting to be called back. But there was paper, and I found myself leading the way up the road. Not long later I found myself following Skiddy up a steeeeeeeep hill with the sun pounding down on my back.

It improved slightly when we entered the tree line, but the hill was hardly started. I trudged on, praying it would soon be over, but it was relentless. On top, there was some decent trails, and I imagined running them, but sadly my legs were jelly by the time we got there. There was some good views, and some agility required to navigate a pipe rather than a trail, and when it came to the downhill bit, it was over far too fast.

That must have taken a lot of effort to put together!

17th June – CH3 – Frozen Dick (And Shrek)

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Another FD run from his backyard – this time purportedly assisted by Shrek, although Shrek was clearly too embarrassed to show up and have his name associated with it! It wasn’t that bad Shrek!

As I walked out of the A bucket, with Skiddy, Ting Tong & Turkish, I noted the absence of many of the usual FRBs – no CW, no Cartoon, no seasonals… I might have to do some work here. First check came very quickly, and I got it very wrong, but trying to start off gently it wasn’t a big deal. I caught up to Piggy, just as we saw some confusion further ahead. It seems Skiddy had missed his sticks – Piggy & I glanced to the right and saw paper. We looped around a field and down to a familiar multiway junction for a check. I tried 2 ways before ABB found it going sharply up the hill. I remember doing this hill in reverse not so long back – the view was spectacular today!

At the top, another circle, and despite getting there first, ABB stood looking at the circle. Turkish went straight on, I drifted off to the right (there is a shack and we’d been up that way before). Others arrived and spread out – for a small top of a steep hill, there weren’t many options. I went back to the circle and decided reluctantly to head down the steep side to the left. If I was wrong, I wasn’t looking forward to climbing back up, but thank F for that, there was paper on the back of a tree and now I had a serious advantage!

Back down into the valley, and I jogged along for a bit. V check! Got it wrong, but was back on trail as they appeared at the check. OnOn straight into some Skiddy Sticks. Damnit! I think we all wanted to look to the right, but when I finally saw a trail off up to the left, I was surprised nobody had checked it yet. It was a bit of a climb, but there was paper and I was off again! Uphill mostly, but I was moving along ok, and when the trail steered even further to the left it was highly unlikely. I turned sharp right back on myself, and when I saw the paper knew there must be some more sticks ahead there. I called out to those following me – but none of those lazy bastards bothered to make it clear for the walkers.

Downhill now, and I could run a bit. A V-check, and as I turned right, I thought it might be possible to get around the side of the hill – looking at my strava, that was clearly a dumb choice! It was left, but I was back at the check when Skiddy was marking it. Down the hill and out into the valley – we were heading back and I was ahead. A familiar trail off to the left, and no check – I assumed it was too obviously straight so the hare hadn’t bothered, only to hit some more MOTHER FUCKING sticks! Man I was pissed by that set! Half the pack had past me as we followed Piggy for a while. Piggy using his trademarked strategy of doing fuck all for most of the run, and then creaming the end.

I knew we had to be turning right, and lucked out with a check that went back up over the hill. Turkish was looking forlornly from the opposite side of a deep ravine. Som Nam Na! From here it was a LONG run out to the OnIn. Piggy slowly reeled me in, and settled into a steady pace when he caught me, urging me to keep going. Finally there was the OnIn, and I walked the last bit while Piggy breezed his way to the beer.

15th June – CSH3 – Skidmark

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Sloppy called me this morning and suggested there might be some nice trails around where Skiddy was going to set the run – there might be, maybe one day we will find out! The directions to the runsite deserve an award for the most complex ever – I’ve driven past this spot on the way to one of my preferred spots, so ignored the directions and went my own way.

The hare brief wasn’t. But finally we got off and ran down the “runway” from the air adventures center. It was out into the ricefields – fortunately out of season, but it meant the first km or so was pretty miserable scrambling along. Through an orchard and out onto the road. Luckily it wasn’t thaaat hot, and my fitness seemed comparable to the pack. We went past a deserted hotel, that once I was considering using for a halloween run. For a while we were on what seemed like the abandoned roads of a potential moobaan.

A bit too much tarmac, but I somehow got to the front where a check was clearly missing, and here Turkish led CW astray and I managed to stay ahead for a while. That was until getting a check very badly wrong, and instantly the pack was together and looking confused at a busy crowded market – we could have been in the city!

A bit more road, and then back across the paddies – on a nicer trail this time. CW was way ahead the other side of the field, but I made my best efforts alongside Turkish. A good 7.5km of exercise that my body desperately needs.

6th June – CH4 – Pigshit & ABB

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The Ob Kham Hex is probably the furthest runsite from home, but after 4-5 months of hardly doing anything, and being lazy over the past week, I need some exercise… I arrived with moments to spare, but the hare told me to “Fuck Off” when he was going to give the walkers a tip. I strolled along at the back of the pack as we headed into the ‘park’. A circle was called about 40m ahead, and at that moment there was a road/trail off to my right. I glanced down it and sure enough there was something white in view. I jogged over to it, and sure enough it was paper, but there was something wrong – it seemed to be going around the corner from 2 different directions, and just didn’t feel like it was the right paper from the check, so I went back. I discussed it with Shrek and Cabbage Patch, and was just doubting my decision when HRA called the ON from completely the opposite direction. I had found the In-Trail.

KO still hasn’t left, so she led for a while, and then Shrek & I took over. Knowing it must be clockwise had me guessing the next check wrong, and so I was a bit behind as we went along the road and into another old circle site. HRA has set a run their before and so he headed up the steep ridge. I reluctantly followed, fearing it was a case of climbing the steep bank, just to go back down again the otherside – and as we got back to the road, the walkers were walking past on the back of their inside information. I meanwhile was hot… really hot…

We kept to the road for a bit, but I was struggling with the heat and dropped off the pack. I was tempted to short cut, I was tempted to turn back… When I saw Tiptoe going back complaining about the heat and humidity, I was really tempted to go with him, but I was there for the exercise and sweating a lot. I knew roughly where I was, and figured I was over halfway as we went up the hill turning to the right. I was walking, and enjoying the great colours in the late afternoon sunlight, and the peace of my solitude.

There was a moment when the clouds seemed to emerge, a bit of a breeze, and it started cooling down. By then, I was into walking mode, and couldn’t get going again, so I continued to walk. Any moment now we’d be turning right and heading in.

A check must have fooled most of the pack as it went straight away from the way we needed to go! I was sorely tempted to turn right and short cut, but my interest was piqued, so I carried on. I could finally hear calls up ahead, CW and HRA! Just ahead, and then just off to the right, and then behind, and going further away… A km or so later, I got to where they must have been after doing a big loop. It was a nice loop through an orchard, and then I was nearly home. I got to see the paper at the corner again, and was once again tempted to short cut my way back, but the trail turned away again, and I stuck on paper around the hill and in not long before the circle started. Damn I need some exercise!

30th May – CH4 – Mr. Poo & KO

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Mr. Poo & KO teamed up for a farewell hash before their sojourn back to the UK. From the Sameong Road football field, I spent most of the day pondering whether they would send us up the temple steps as a final FU! Fortunately not, and what ensued was a great set, and the appeal of the event drew out several extra hashers like Turkish & Sloppy Rod.

We set off towards the river, and there was a new bamboo bridge in sight of the first circle, and inevitably we went over it. The next check by the dried up paddy field took a while to solve – we went left, we went right (when I say we, I mostly just mingled and watched). Nothing, so I started going backwards, and Sloppy was convinced we were going back across the river, to the extent that he jumped in and waded his way across… I think it was Snail Trail that called it from in the middle of the rice field.

I went the long way around the rice field – even though it was dried up. So it took me a while to get back through the pack. A pleasant conversation with various hashers as I made my way. A couple of decent checks and I was back in the mix, but also feeling the heat so not wanting to put too much effort in. Along the rubber wall, which is no longer covered in rubber, so really should be renamed. Then towards the hill, which made me reluctant.

These are great trails, and the light rain was cooling, but I could have done with it being even cooler. We past a “house” that has progressed since last time, but there was no trail marked off to the right as I’d hoped. Instead there was Poo & KO smiling with beers. Beer stops are great, but I wanted to press on and get to the end. Sure enough it was a false trail and we had to go back up the hill to “house” and finally we were on the way back home. If I learnt nothing else, I know I have lost a hell of a lot of fitness over the past 4 months…

Great run, great circle, great ononon… The Poos will be sorely missed.

23rd May – CH4 – Cartoon

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The air is clean – we are mostly into the green, so it’s safe to go outside! Let’s see what Cartoon has in store for us out at the usual lake in San Kampaeng.

The harebrief told us we knew what to do, and set us off along the side of the lake. A couple of early checks headed us towards the canal in usual style. I cut a little loop off as I found paper before a circle was called and found myself at the front with Blows Herself and a visitor – given the smallish turnout I suspected I might have a lot of work to do today!

We headed along the nice cut through, which takes us away from where Cartoon usually sets, so I was wondering if he had explored the hill, but then paper ran out… I looked closer at the last bit, and it seemed like old paper… Turning back, Sex Pistol & Blows Herself confirmed we must have got onto the wrong trail, and as we headed back, eventually we found a FT hidden behind a bush! Back to the top of the canal, and we found Pussy Galore short cutting, but confused on paper.

We were back along the other side of the canal to a W/R split – seriously does someone need a 2km wimp trail?? Around the corner and trail led to the left – it stank of a False Trail, and I was tempted to just go straight instead, but decided to play the game – sure enough, when I got to the FT, there was Poo and KO waiting to jump out on us. HRA took over the lead for a bit along with Sock My Cock and ABB in the mix.

A circle check at the road, and I suspected we had to cross over to find a way back, and sure enough there was paper after 100m at the nice cut through trail. Meanwhile Sex Pistol and ABB found more true trail leading to a false trail somewhere else.

Another check had me and Blows leading the way, but by now I was starting to overheat.. I needed to slow down a bit, but I had a small lead. A loop around an orchard, back across the road and into a field. I went left and found paper on the back of a tree, but man that was well hidden – I called “ONONLOOKING” a bunch of times as I looked for further trail, but the pack was slow to follow me. Finally figured it out, and went around the corner to the last check. I knew we must be close, so tried to push on through a bunch of freshly cut trees, carefully protected by thorns, damn my leg was ripped up.

Actually a fun set and a fun circle. Cheers Cartoon!

20th May – CH3 – Chuck Wao

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As an early disclaimer, I write this as the co-hare… CW asked if I would come and set the run with him, but also mentioned it would be early in the morning, by which he meant 7am. My alarm went off at 6, but I definitely didn’t have the required amount of caffeine necessary for human engagement by the time I was on site to help carry paper…
I understand it gets hot – and f**k me was it hot, but I wasn’t 100% Byte at 7am on my day off. Fortunately CW had scouted everything and promised me a simple set… Which was true for around 100m… After climbing the small cliff, CW was immediately looking for ways off to the left – ways that weren’t there… After 300m of trail, it didn’t look good staring off the side of a steep cliff – CW was running around looking for a way down, I was praying a coffee god would come and save me!

We finally found scouting plastic thread and we were off, temporarily… CW had found a decent route, but it was easier to spot from the other side, so we went the long way around and while CW marked the connect, I marked the next stretch. CW instructed me “Go down there and put a false trail”… but with time on my hands, I decided a circle would be much more challenging – it was, and it split the pack. How badly can a co-hare fuck a trail up?

The next stretch was around the lake, and with a couple of interesting additions, shouldn’t have been too challenging to figure out.

Finally I got home for a nap and some time to ready myself for the hash. It was tame enough that I encouraged all my boys to come out and give it a go! Thanks to the circle they are now well aware about Chuck Wao involving the penis.

After the pack set off we went to clean up the OnIn, and CW did a great job – not that anyone found out… He reset pretty much every bit of paper lovingly stapling it to the other side of the same leaf each time. After 400m we got to the split where the trail would come back in, and I was instructed to go and tear paper down – “for further than you think!”. I did – I went a long way, so far that I nearly caught Frozen Dick and Tiptoe. Surely that was far enough?

When I got back, I found that CW had laid the connecting paper in the wrong direction, and hadn’t found our previous mark… With a spark of “genius” I suggested making it a false trail… Once again, your co-hare fucked up the trail, as I clearly didn’t clear enough paper, while Skid Mark remembered where he was too well, while the rest of the pack didn’t bother going back to find the true trail…

I think everyone got back ok…

16th May – CH4 – HRA

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So, 4.5km is standard now for runs? Who am I kidding? It was freaking hot, and I am v. unfit – it was definitely far enough for me!

After months of isolation due to the pollution, I ventured out on another run, and it was great to see Poo out on the run as well. He was walking, I was attempting to run, but probably spent at least half the time behind him…

KO was on fire for pretty much all of the run! The first check I got wrong and spent some time playing catch up after finding a way to cross the gully that Shrek & Blows Herself were laughing at me over. I rejoined the pack and continued into the maze of trails 11km south on canal road.

For a while it wasn’t clear if we would turn left or right, but left it was, and did I mention it was hot? I tried to position myself off the front and minimise my efforts, but still I seemed to get checks wrong. KO and I got one right, and she ran off with more energy than me, when she came running back from a false trail Cartoon was right behind me chuckling at our luck…

I definitely need more exercise – I need to lose some weight, and today was just the start of a new phase. I am grateful to HRA for being kind!

4th May – CSH3 – Skidmark

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By Alice

Frozen Dick was kvetching that he isn’t able to solve checks with the FRBs. Well Frozen you missed your big chance. This was a ZINGER with FRBs, mid pack, DFLs all milling about checking here and there TOGETHER for about 30 minutes at the second check. Which turned out to be the last check on the wimp trail. It wasn’t much fun. Walkers mostly standing in the shade as every avenue was explored and re-explored further and further to no avail.

Shagless appeared and yelled:The hare said it was to the right. But we were at the WRONG 2nd/last check not the first. Total fcuk up. We checked every which right, front, back and even the other right.
Eventually saw bodies in the woods: Snail trail, Chatterbox, ABB, Shagless. They’d found the 2nd LAST check going the wrong way and dropped paper going further into the woods. There was only a couple of strips to be found. Then nothing. Total fcuk up.

I jogged back to the resort. 3.9km of total fuck up in 35 minutes. Cartoon and Blows tried to follow paper into the woods. Wrong move. They were back shortly afterwards.
I plopped in the pool.

1. Newly returning hares to be paired with experienced local hares on their first run back.
2. Social services to be alerted if Skidmarks takes virgin hare Potato Head again to ‘teach’ him how to set trail.
3. Cuckold to be informed his Mae Jo endless run has possibly lost its place on the roll of honour.
4. 3 strips per 100m of trail minimum to become legal requirement. Punishable with water down downs or ice time equivalent to time wasted looking while on trail.
5. Prayer.