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9th November – CGH3 – HRA

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The gentlemen of Chiang Mai Hashing convened for the 3rd outing – this time an HRA affair in his favourite area – this time the A-site was in a farmer’s field up the hill from the canal road football field.

I have run that area many times, so I didn’t expect to find any new trails, and also having hared quite a bit with HRA I have a bit of an idea how his mind works, so the set didn’t surprise me, but it was still a fun set. In the harebrief he promised us 53 minutes for the FRBs and that was pretty much spot on – indeed I looked at my watch towards the end of the run to see how much time we had left before I decided which way to check.

We started off with a bit of climbing and a conservative pace. Shrek was ahead early, but seemed to misunderstand that when you hit a “FT” you should call out “FALSE TRAIL”, not just grab the sign and run back. Bad Shrek – no biscuit! A bit further on trail he was telling us about how he tapered for 3 days to prepare for today’s hash – is someone becoming a racist?!

We crossed back over the road to the trails closer to the football field, and then there was a nice circle to FT combination. It would have worked out even better if most of the pack hadn’t short cut their way up to the FT, but for sure the pack was together. Cartoon and Mary Poppins lead the way for a while with Titty Smoker in the mix as well. For me I seemed to have to keep thanking ABB as he kindly stepped aside for me to pass him – should I say thank-you? Should I say thank-you every time? I am grateful, but it seems a bit weird if I have to thank him again a few hundred meters later because I’ve screwed up!

Thankfully I got back into the game at the front for a bit, but HRA did manage to get into my head a bit – I know he is meticulous, and he will pull down old paper. There was one check where I found some ripped up old paper that looked like HRA had pulled it off and then dropped it, and sure enough I was right! But then there was a check that there was old paper still hanging from a leaf – surely I was wrong, but this time I was right but the paper hadn’t been taken down… So the next check I found old paper and carried on only to be way back again and having ABB step aside for me to pass again. Haring on a new level!

The pack was still together, but Shrek was edging ahead. A bit of confusion towards the end, but we were so close to home. I wanted to use my kick to finish, but there was no kick. My nose was telling me where the A-site was, but my legs were telling me they were fine as they were. Titty Smoker took off after Shrek, I walked in with Piggy. Good fun set, good exercise and then a comfortable, social, chilled out chat.

2nd November – CGH3 – Cartoon – Run #2

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The gentlemen’s hash is off and rolling with a decent turn out for run #2. While the hash is in good shape, I wasn’t. I recently gave up beer for 100 days, but fell off the wagon, and on Saturday night happened to be chatting to Taste My Buns about getting some exercise in (ooer). Doi Ngum came up, and somehow I found myself with Shrek, Sloppy and TMB tackling the climb on Sunday – complete with the ladder obstacle. None of that is at all relevant to today’s run, except that I felt terrible all day, and nearly did a U-turn on my way to the run.

And so it is – run #2, from Cartoon’s lake. His son Duffy Duck on hand to co-hare and the mountain panorama spread out ahead of us! Would he take us on those beautiful forest trails? Or would he put us on the road and through the cowshit? Unfortunately it seemed the cowshit got the win. The pace was slow to begin with, as most seemed to be following me – I was struggling to keep going so when I got the first check wrong I couldn’t start catching up again.

I walked along for a bit with hashers ahead of me, but as we zigged and zagged into the ricefield, they were calling from ahead of me, and then from behind me. I think Pigshit was completely confused at one point when he probably assumed I was in front, but actually behind on the wrong side of a canal.

I laboured my way to the road, and across the otherside there were hashers disappearing in the distance. I persisted a short way, but realised I was probably doing my harm than good, so bailed back to the A, missing the beerstop, but got a cheerful wave from Sloppy as he drove by presumably out of work late.

Thanks for the efforts, and good to see a good group together for it – I have to manage my body a bit better to cope with it!

26th October – CGH3 – Shrek – Run #1

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The gentlemen hashers of Chiang Mai gathered for their inaugural run – the founders day run for a new chapter of hashing in Chiang Mai. It was great to be back out on trail amongst a friendly positive vibe. I don’t want to dwell on the fracture that led to this moment, as the focus should be on the enjoyable evening and the positives moving forward, and after all any “male” with an email address is probably still suffering from bleeding ears caused by the petty childishness of certain email exchanges. When wannabe despots or dictators are determined to be divisive to the point of destruction, divorce can cure the dolorousness. Alliteration – awesome – moving on.

I got to the cremation place by the disco shelter a bit early – perhaps excited to be hashing again, but mostly not wanting to go back to my office after class. The signage was slightly off, and I stumbled upon a circle check – useful inside information for later! Shrek showed up just after I’d moved his sign and one by one more cars started appearing with hashers eagerly stumbling out. A collective BYO appeared to extend to “Bring Your Own Hasher” – at least for Titty Smoker who had rounded up a collection. Sheepy was the last to appear as Shrek sent us off out the entrance and left to an immediate circle check that none of us had spotted on the drive in.

Straight away we were foxed! The entrance to the disco shelter was pretty overgrown, so everyone went straight past to the circle, and we spent some time hunting around some guys garden with his dogs. Someone was insistent it was the Disco Shelter, but there certainly weren’t any disco’s going on there! Finally I found it with SS who had clearly been told where to go by the hare after he’d got changed. A few early checks with the hare being kind to us on the water crossings – one of the bridges even had metal rails to hold on to! This is gentlemanly hashing if you ask me!

It’s been a while since I’ve been here, but there are certain limits and routes that were predictable (particularly knowing where a circle would be later in the run). Nonetheless there was a decent recycling of the lead up front and the checks kept us together. Piggy and I got ahead at one point, and as we past a trail that headed up the hill Piggy launched into a discussion about how nice it would be to go up that hill and get the blood going. I scarcely had time to reply when we hit the FT and had to go back and up the hill. Cartoon wanted to go even higher up the hill and missed the trail as it cut along the edge of the hill and before long Emma Royde and I were heading back down the hill. This time I did have enough time to tell Emma to expect an FT moments before we saw it. From here we scrambled a little into a ravine – it brought back memories from a long time ago – this time the hare had tried to cut in some steps to help us scramble out and I led the way past some savage dogs around the corner to see the wide grin of the hare sat with some welcomed cold beverages.

There was a circle check at the beer stop, but this time I was 100% sure which way to go, as I knew there was a circle just around the corner. I made as if to check that way while some supped a beer. After confirming my knowledge I walked back to the drinkers and let Cartoon check in the wrong direction for a bit before the group set off on the 2nd half. The next check was the brutal one – which is strange as I had driven here in my car, and I absolutely remember the trail the hare used, and I even checked near there first, but ended up checking wrong. I had a hunch that it had to be up the hill given where the beerstop was, so even though I was reluctant, I did a huge loop around. Huge is not an understatement – when I intercepted trail I must have been 500m++ above them up the hill. I heard that Shrek had to tell the rest where to go. But now I was on trail, ahead… alone… I did hear some calls from behind as I got to the top of the hill, but luckily for me there was no check as the trail turned and went back down again – a nice quick decent down the trail that back in February we escorted the ambulance men on to rescue a stranded hasher. This time there was no holding back – hit the road and back along to the A.

A really enjoyable bit of exercise, followed by a nice chilled out circle. Hashing really is quite simple – a run / some exercise, followed by a beer and some banter. The formula was achieved and the CGH3 is born. OnOn and see you next week! Perhaps we could do without the Danish paint remover to drink?

6th August – CH4 – Chuck Wao

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The hash was on my way home from work, so I thought I may as well stop off for some exercise. For sure the supreme cunt ringleader wouldn’t be there to sour the mood. So, the CSH3 is not worth attending for the forseeable future while the puppet master dictates how attendees can have fun. I can only hope that he gets the message that he isn’t really welcome on Mondays and fucks off again. At least the Happy Hash is free, and by far the best hash in CM these days – even here there is a sombre tone – at least in my mind. Nothing lasts forever!

I got out the car with moments to spare before the harebrief. I only had enough time to pay up, but still I was immediately pounced on by the hare raiser – even the hash cash commented he was looking for hares… WTF??? The last runs I’ve been to for both the CH3 and CH4 – I was the fucking hare! I haven’t run a trail since before Covid hit! I politely told the hare raiser to fuck off.

We were set off heading towards the hills, at the back of the lake behind 700 year stadium – a familiar spot that I had paper carried for CW a year or so back. Years ago there were great trails around here, but since the Moobaan was built and destroyed the side of the mountain, the trails that are left are largely overgrown.

A “V” check, and I went right – which was right, but moments later I was following single strands of paper to nowhere. Clearly the hare had tried to pick up trail, but missed bits as he rerouted over to the mainer trail. Another circle, and it was Bushy Tail that headed in the right direction – and it was sometime before anyone saw or heard from her again. Meanwhile the rest of us hunted around for paper for a while before finally heading in the right direction.

Long stretches without checks, and a long(ish) ascent up the waterfall. I regained the lead and as paper continued up the hill, I spied an odd looking piece off to the left. I was expecting a left turn, so investigated and sure enough trail cut across – I say trail, but it was an ugly scramble. We crossed a perfectly reasonable trail, but no check and the hares chose not to use it, prefering a treacherous rainy season descent into a waterfall and down the slippery rocks. Finally I could get running a little, but with no checks and no sounds behind, I was on my own. Across the waterfall, and trail up to the right… I wasn’t convinced but followed it up to an also unconvincing checkback.

Cartoon and HRA joined me as we dropped down to the lakeside and followed the trail along the side of it. A few more confusing checks that I don’t think any of the 3 of us kicked out… We were working in unison, taking turns to skip ahead missing the odd check here and there. Through the army village, along the side of the creek, and HRA started to stretch ahead, passing some walkers. One final check up at the corner of the dam, and I guess you are only as good as your last check.

Waited around for 15-20 mins for the next runners to come in and the set off home.

7th Mrch – CH3 – Knockout

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Who would hve though it? Decent ir in Mrch?

OK, before I crry on – I hould point out tht the ” nd ” key on my keybord ren’t working, nd I cn’t be red copying nd pting for the ke of write up. You cn figure it out if you wnt, or not bother if you don’t – I don’t relly cre!

new runite jut long from regulr one. o we were quickly on regulr tril. Up towrd lt mn tnding tril tht hed towrd Doi Pui. fter couple of check we followed the blue pipe up, nd when we hit the min tril there w Wimp Rmbo option. Th Rmbo heding further up, o I decided to l hed bck down.

10th Feb – CH3 – Strangely Anal & Graven Image

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The airplane site out in between San Kampaeng & Doi Saket… It was a national holiday, so off work, I figured I’d head along and get out of the house for a bit. The air pollution was pretty bad in the morning, but improved through the afternoon, either way when HRA asked me to bring him some beer, I decided to head over to deliver some beer, but not head out on the run. So, while the pack set off, I hung around with the GM and the hares, had a beer, and maybe saw 3m of trail.

The excitement for us back at the A site was the owner of the property hearing that there was a bunch of farangs running around their airplanes… Plenty of negotiation later, it all calmed down, and we were ok to continue with the circle, but were later given a phone number to contact them if we were to ever go back there again.

Meanwhile some hashers did some running, and I did some drinking… Sloppy led the pack in… The circle was notable for somewhat offensive Nazi paraphernalia… I can safely say that if anyone tries to give me and expect me to wear an award that has a swastika on it, then that award would be destroyed very quickly. It was extremely distasteful, and Frozen Dick was absolutely correct to call it out.

2nd January – CH4 – HRA

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Best run of the year… so far…

Well, certainly an interesting experience! It was from the crematorium next to the Disco shelter, and I arrived in just enough time after work. Harebrief fumbled through and we were set off up the trail towards the hills. Poo and a visitor got the running going, only to get the first check wrong, and I found myself ahead until the 2nd check when I was back to the back. We dropped into a creek bed and then started climbing for real. It was a scramble for a while and then trail up, up, up…

At the top we turned left and headed down, down, down. On the way down the checks were all straight on, and whoever was up front kept nailing them, but the pack was all running hard down the hill. At the bottom, I got a check wrong – badly wrong as I went through the temple, headed towards the road. When it was called in the complete opposite direction, I was tempted to bail out – apparently Graven did, and was expecting to see me going back on the road. But no, reluctantly I turned left again and headed back into the mountains – how many times could we turn left?

The pack charged on ahead, while I slowed and was past by Anal Boring and Piggy. Piggy encouraged me to stick to paper, and reluctantly I did, but heading back up that hill wasn’t enjoyable! Finally we turned right, hacked steeply back down to the gully and then it was a gradual descent to the road. Piggy was walking not far ahead, but it took me a long time to close him down. As I got to him, he waved me past, but I was barely going quicker than him, when I slowed to a walk he started breaking away from me again, but at last we were back to the cold beer!

I recovered a bit… I got a beer… I took a shower… Changed… and was just about ready for a circle, when an ambulance showed up. I noticed HRA wasn’t about, and then started hearing stories about a hasher in trouble. On my phone I had an email from Alice with a pindrop, but no message, and no missed call. Nobody seemed to know what was going on, until FD appeared – it seems the stranded hashers had picked Frozen, our slowest hasher, to go to get help!

He told me to get in his truck and for the ambulance to follow us. In the car I got a little bit of information – Randy, a virgin brought by Anywan, had collapsed at the top of the hill – FD wasn’t sure if he would make it. We drove as close as we could, but then had to climb the mountain (again) – me in my work shoes by now. HRA grabbed a stretcher from the back of the ambulance, while the 2 paramedics chased him up the trail. Poo, Alice, HRA, myself and FD following along headed up.

As we got close to the pindrop, the group of hashers appeared out of the fading light – Randy had recovered, and he was ready to frogmarch down the hill to get out! They were waiting for us to show them a short cut? I have no idea, but for some reason I got to climb the bloody mountain an extra time tonight, while there was perfectly drinkable cold beer at the A site. All is well that ends well I guess…

28th December – CSH3 – Sinbad & Chatterbox

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By Alice

Sinbad and Chatterbox set an intriguing run out at BanPong,SKP, utilizing the area’s best features and ignoring most of their Vater’s advice as the run was a resounding success.

Chatterbox admitted to 5% creative control and SinBin 1000%. What this tells you is that Skiddy probably regrets hiring Rooter as Dana’s maths tutor.

The kids took
centre stage at the hare brief and Blows yelled for Hash Hush at 110 dB. Soon we were off and onto familiar trails but this time markings were good and the first checks didn’t send the pack onto the In trail, Belly and Skiddy please note.
We wiggled around and then climbed up the spillway and over the bridge to the dam. Obscene took over as circle guard. Public spiritedness or rank laziness? The jury is out.

Trail went down and then right along the road and into the forest. Here I was sure we’d be now doing an anti clockwise loop and after confusion at a forest circle with Pussy W striding back from the correct way and OnOn called behind him by perhaps Scooby Do’s new squeeze, all hell
broke lose with OnOn called by those OFF trail confusing everyone. Cartoon resting 50m up the hill and not shouting Checking but RU? to save himself checking properly was noticed.

Bodies blundered thru’ the forest so I bashed back to the original path and found powder about 2 giant PW strides from where he’d turned. I nailed the next circle, the short order V and almost the following circle. Here the pack caught me as I retraced steps and Just Coming found trail through the ravine and out the other side. Most of the way home was good running and a great circle to follow in the amphitheater of the BanPong lodge. Another CHS3 circle that felt and (looked) like CH4.
Wings for Alice from Chatterbox for being ‘always polite and positive’ and Blows Herself from SinBin for ‘bein a good runner and a good woman!’. What is that boy after ffs?

Lovely running trails

26th Dec – CH4 – Taste My Buns & Brownfinger

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By Alice


Tasty and Browny combined to set a real runners’ run out in the wilds of Mae Wang waaaay down south.
Well it wasn’t that far – but it was a bit further than it could have been as April Fools met Boxing Day and no HHH sign on Canal Rd obviously guaranteed confusion/loss/misery/argument and delivered in spades! LungLa will NOT turn where there’s no HHH or listen to female navigators like Pussy Galore who advise him to!

Apart from Suckit’s ancient non standard HH signs in blue and black and paper seemingly hidden under grass and rocks the first few hundred metres, this trail in two parts did exactly what it said on the tin.

First section
was more broken and farm trails, shiggy and dusty roads with lorry drivers handsomely paid to raise dust and choke us to death. Checks were basically impossible to predict and the pack was well exercised finding the damn things and carrying on. The straight ones were the killers!

One of the features this area is cross paths and paths off paths so you really needed half a dozen active checkers and callers. We sometimes got the numbers, but checkers who don’t shout Checking! make it harder than it needs to be for keen mid packers.

I was feeling pretty good after getting an early check right and feeling I was in the hares’ head. That lasted ‘til approximately the next check. I was forest 120m thataway and OnOn was called 100m t’otherway! Back to back marker quick sharp!

Early doors I was checking down a gully and heard Banksie calling checking. I heard the sound of rain drops and looked up to see our Dutch mannequin emptying his bladder above me. Drip, drip, drip. Shame I forgot about that by circle time.

We dipped into a dry creek bed and up the other side under the golden wat on the hill. Beer stop location last year I remembered.

Last section was more forest and suddenly we came out to this year’s beer stop and TmB very happy at our grouping.

Banks with his haemerroid and enlarged prostate set off without further ado. Someone called after him:Wtf are you going solo, you’ll have to do the checks alone!
Cartoon, Skiddy, Trash Bin Boy and Pussy Whisperer also set off briskly as I filled my face with banana, choc and a tiny, tasty orange.

Second leg was forest trail heaven. Browny admitted to a narcotic effect as he set. It wasn’t quite as happy, feely for me, especially as I ran into the False Trails and Belly, suddenly the demon headmaster, was barking:Who is ahead of us!?

Shortly I found out. Skiddy yomping at speed and Whisperer checking who I was before answering my RU? call.

The FRBs had broken circles and it was just perfect forest running for km here with one fcuk up. A check had been broken into an orchard but trail was back right in the forest. Luckily I saw shirts thru the trees and followed but worried for the runners behind.

Strangely Anal, Suckit, new dad Piggy, Blows, Knockout and Anally Boring were in the van and we made good time pushing each other along. Even Banks managed to stay relevant building up his fag appetite for later.

Graven overtook me in a gully after checking the wrong way and helpfully pointed to paper I’d missed up the opposite bank. That’s the Grinch’s good deed of the year!

Out into more open country and Piggy said: I can see the cars! This didn’t assist in solving the last check but soon enough we were at the most welcome clear OnIn printed sign.

Great run and looking forward to the BB on Sunday 5th January and not the date Helpful Harry aka Frozen Dick told everyone in the circle!

Silly Cow’s lovely visitors Olive Oil and potentially Reach Around experienced ice and down downs, while Hash lush Snowball’s UK mate from Seattle let on that his sponsor filmed for years in the NW only to finally release his film on their 1000th run. Maybe CH4 have to wait for that? Visitor Fast Crash from
Portugal but based in Mozambique also put ample cheek to ice. Sadly we missed Dogshit, Principal’s Bitch, Comes Over Her Back and her wife possibly because of the early pick up or maybe babysitter issues. Great visitors are great fun and well done hares for providing an excellent set for the H3 high season.

23rd December – CH3 – Angry Inch & Square Rooter

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Sometimes you get the hangover, and sometimes the hangover gets you… Today was a bit of both, one thing I am sure of is that I drank far too much on Sunday, and it seemed like the hangover kicked in after work as I drove to the runsite…

It was actually 8-Bit that was keen to go to the run. We got to the runsite, that is a stunningly beautiful spot, with a glorious view across a valley – such a shame that someone has been using it as a tip, dumping waste off the side of the hill filling the air with the stench of burning pampers.

The hares sent us off down into the valley with Poo & Crazy German running hard early on. I followed correctly through a few checks, but then had to check the wrong way and was back of the pack as we crossed a “grand canyon” – just a little scramble, before turning left and heading back up the hill to very close to the car. We were 2km in, and I was sorely tempted to call it a day. Instead we headed up the hill with 8-Bit just in front of me – probably better I keep my eye on him a bit longer.

Plenty of good checks kept the pack together and it really was a good set – I wish I was feeling better! Finally I bailed out and headed to the left of the trail. I emerged on the road at the same time the FRBs came running down the hill the other side of the road – great timing, but while they started checking, I was headed back along the road.