Category Archives: Blog

8th November – CH4 – Jungle Jim

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A peaceful day workwise led me down towards Lamphun. We’d been given GPS co-ords, so I had company from google as I drove down – she got me there even though there were no signs, and it turned out to be a lot quicker to get to than I expected! So I was early, and tried to take a nap in the car for a bit till the hares showed up.

I had no idea where I was, which meant there would be no home field advantage. After a late, long hare brief, we set off. My brain has been switched off all day, and it didn’t reboot as we got running – I quickly lost all sense of direction. Fortunately there was a decent pack to do most of the checks, and I just trundled around off the back of the front group. A couple of times I set off to help check, but each time I was wrong.

The hares had done a good job of twisting the trail around and CW repeatedly overtook me, each time tallying up the checks he got wrong – all of them was the end result – except for near the end when Graven gave him some inside information to let him “win”! Graven is recovering from a hernia, so only walked around slowly – nonetheless a FT check after halfway had the pack confused until Graven solved it.

Good set – particularly if you were a midget that didn’t need to worry about bending under the orchard trees, but also had long jump skills to leap over the ditches!

25th Oct – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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Poo teamed up with KO from out at Baan Pong Resort – a great area for running, and a bunch of trails that I’ve been exploring recently – what would they give us? I picked up some clues from the hare brief, and listening in on what the hare was telling the visitors. With visitors we swelled to around 40 runners – the whole Happy Hash on a Thursday seems to be working out.

We were set free, and CW and I walked back out of the resort to the first circle. I headed to the trail near the ricefields behind the hill (Poo had mentioned a hill, and a 4km wimp trail, so I kinda thought I had him pegged. Sure enough there was paper and calling ONON, I broke into a jog. At the next check, I nearly turned left as I thought I’d seen something white down to the left, but glancing along the main trail there was definitely something white along there. Sure enough I was on, and jogging along comfortably. At this pace I would stay clear. WTF? A pitter patter from behind and as a visitor caught me up, I had to speed up to get to the next check first – and he looked in great shape!

I went straight, but slower, and again got it right, buying a bit of time. The pace was quick – certainly quicker than my comfort zone. Another check, and I was fairly confident with this one, right again as I found the white paper heading around the tiny square lake. Straight into another check, where the obvious trail was straight to the left, but my gut said take the right trail, and sure enough – I was on fire! Unstoppable! Surely I must be way ahead by now? But no, right behind me the pack was on my ass. Another check, and I made a mistake :( I should know where the cut through is by now… It isn’t the first time I’ve made that mistake, and damnit!

Of course we were headed straight to the cut through, and came down to the lake with quite a pack of runners, all of which looked like they were fresh, while I really didn’t feel fresh! At the lake – surely he was going around the lake? It wouldn’t be that exciting, but… Surely? There must be a W/R split here taking the wimps back to the resort and sending the rambos around the lake. My overheated head couldn’t see any alternative to the puzzle. I headed left, and when it was called to the right, I was sure it was just dropping to the lake side and then back to the left, so I jogged around the corner to see where they would surely rejoin me. I could hear a bunch of people shouting and calling randomly from just below me down by the lake – maybe not completely standard hash calls, but we did have a lot of visitors, and they were getting closer. I paused for a bit as they would appear any minute, and after a short rest I could rejoin the pack…. Eventually a group of cattle herders appeared shouting at their cows, and I realised I was extremely fucked… The hares had outwitted me…

As soon as I realised that, my stupidity dawned on me. Poo wouldn’t just run around the lake.. With Poo you should always expect devious figure of 8 tricks. I was way way back! Still, its a nice area to run in, so I followed trail for a while, gradually overtaking people, and hearing comments questioning why I was so far back… Ugh!

Then it was a long steady jog to the dam and across the dam. Lucky it wasn’t too hot, and I just plodded on thinking that would have been a good spot for a beerstop. Sure enough around the corner there was a beerstop, but for some reason I still thought I had a chance to get back into the pack. Ha! The trail started heading up hill again – I’ve been up there before, so opted to cut down to the lower trail and followed the side of the creek, while I could hear CW heading the other direction from the otherside of the creek. I know there is a place to cross that creek, but couldn’t remember how much further it was. Finally I hacked my way over, and man it was much more overgrown than I’ve ever known it – an ugly hack that I barely made it through to find Crap Thai being kind with his laughter!

I was spent, I just wanted to get back and have a beer by this point. Really excellent set. The true trail was much better than what I ended up doing.

CRAP – Alice

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Chiangmai Rather Active Paperchasers aka CRAP ran out 6km down Canal Rd in the gap the male hash outstation in Phuket left.
There seemed to be some interest and a handsome quorum actually fronted up. Libbers in his shades after having both cataracts done at once, was the dark horse.
Shrek and Alice set off at 4:45 laying trail on white Mother Hash squares. Circle checks were 80m +/- and the FRBs were asked to play the team game and kick out circles. TMB and Chucky managed to bit it seems the resident Turk went dark after a couple of checks, to no-one’s surprise.
Trail went up and right out of the A site grassy area and then headed up to the doi past big closed gates and secure fencing where a few years ago land was open and trails and short cuts accessible.
Once in the forest there was some trail running and then two checks in quick succession. One of these allegedly wasn’t marked correctly and Libbers and his Brit mate returned to the A at the same time as the hares in 1:12.
A long stretch on narrow forest paths took runners to a favoured 4 way in a saddle and TMB eventually went down left into the overgrown field to find trail. Paper was stuck on high grass and branches as the pack descended using a Turkey route in reverse.
Once down it was left and then a check before the massive quarry. Up was possible but we sent the pack down and around the quarry to a check and both the narrow ridge left and the gravelly land slip were doable getting up. Cumlord noticed Farang Decathlon tread marks but most took the ridge it seems.
Back on an access road the next check was tricky as trails lead off left behind the crem and true trail went into the big industrial site through and out a gate at the far end just by Ob Kham Rd. TMB got a bit stressed as there was no paper left or along the road as it went into the factory grounds. The jury is out whether the gate was actually closed. TMB was adamant there wasn’t even a gate! More superpowers for Shrek and Alice!
The last stretch was mostly flat with one last spur and a sharp left past the Pikey Ponderosa through the long grass and under the wire back to the A. It seems ALL walkers missed this turn and came back on the road.
FRBs got home probably after 1:10 ish and Softballs and Tiptoe in the dark 30 mins later.
Many thanks to Turkish Delight for bananas, Sheepy and Happy for a coolbox of drinks and all for turning up.
Hares: Alice and Shrek.
Pack: Blows Herself, Chuck Wao, Cumlord, Donkey Boner, Foxy Cleo, Happy Ending, Liberace, Pussy Galore, Sheep Shagger, TMB, Turkish Delight, Tip Toe, Softballs and some old Brit from Mae Rim. Social member Goong.

4th October – CH4 – Shrek

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It’s been a while since I’ve joined the hash, but out in Doi Saket and during Midterm exam week, I figured I’d give it a go…

The A site was by the canal headed towards Wangtarn resort. Trail set off over the canal and turned right along the canal bank. Rooter and Tiptoe had slipped off to a headstart, but they were still confused by the first check. It turned out the trail went straight along the canal for a km or so – I guess the hares hoped we’d forget about that by the end?

Foxy found that first check, but called so quietly that only the hare took off after her. Overtaking the hare and Foxy, I got to another check, which was further along the canal (left here only leads to a gate as far as I know). Finally we turned left up the hill, with a couple of nice checks – made even nicer as I got them right.

Then we got to a bit of a fuck up – I found a check back after 70m or so from a circle. My signals to TMB must have been confusing as she laid paper after me, rather than finding the right way. The check back wasn’t off a V check, it was just a random checkback, which turned out to be a false trail off the circle. I think there was further confusion behind me, as Tasty and I took off and nailed another check as we could see paper off to the left.

Angry Inch caught up as I came back from a false trail at a V-check, and from there it was the 3 of us leading the way. That V-check was pivotal, as it meant we weren’t going to be turning left as I first suspected. Instead we would have to cross the canal at the first opportunity and head back along the otherside of the canal, presumably coming in via the nice estate near the A-bucket. From there it was just a case of connecting the dots.

22nd September – CSH3 – Emma Royde

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By Alice.

It’s been about 8-10 years since I hashed in this area out past the X Centre and probably 13 since I met Gibberish. Was it worth the wait? You betcha!

Emma Royde (and mystery wtf are you co-hare Silla Chow) set a blinding 7 km undulating trail on wide runnable paths through the farms, orchards and fields of Mae Ram that is up there with the best Saturday runs of the year.

I started gingerly, feeling the 7km hike from Friday and no stretches. KO and the kids scampered happily and Purple Fart was happy to have a similarly shaped but smaller athlete alongside.
Gibberish was back, and like Shrek, no one ever asks the derivation of his name. Little brother Hash Broon was keen but equally unintelligible. The look on peoples’ faces when they tried to understand our Glaswegian brothers in hash was priceless.

Hash Brown didn’t call when checking and confused Deep Throat by waving like a demented Max Bygraves on acid. Angry Inch perfected his go 2 metres short of the On On paper and turn round shtick. It’s very effective.

The pack spread out as the trail wound its way round the beautiful area. Clear white strips and well positioned checks made for clear marking. FRBs and your humble scribe were given extra strips to help with joining the circle check to true trail. Think I still had most of them by the end.

Deep Throat asked after 35 minutes u were we on the Runners or Walkers trails? He’d missed the early split sign, as did Purple apparently, far too joyous at having a mini me for company with cuddly lurv handles alongside.

One sharp turn at a check and we were down a path with a marked but easily missable left turn into the trees. I missed it and got suspicious seeing no paper ahead. Deepthroat too but he found the turn and we cut down to a lower level and out into more open grasslands then wide tracks between houses with big gardens back to the A bucket.

If you missed it, you missed a cracker!

23rd August – CH4 – HRA

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Piggy and Rooter have set memorable runs here in the past couple of years and DoesNothing a killer from here to his Ag Centre Wall. You know what you’ll get here and it’s never better than you expect!
HRA set a standard test up, up and across then down with mostly 2 options at every check.
Having mislaid my phone holder I was delayed while borrowing Cumalot’s nice new pink one. Starting 8 mins behind was no biggie as I just wanted a work out without accidents and just about managed that.
Trail was well marked with the key feature being double circle checks and v’s in case the rain got one of them!
Yomping up with Rooter and sweating in places I didn’t think I had places, I tore each circle out a different way for the benefit of Pussy Galore and Purple Shart following as DFL in our wake. The paper on the deck was the giveaway but it confused the hell out of them.
Leaving Rooter shortly before the rocky stream crossing on the in trail, we called a few OnOns to each other before I jogged back down, feeling the knees and only slipping once in mud, not wet rock this time.
HRA and Chucky were looking at me as though I hated the run or had got lost, but I was nearly 10min adrift at the start and was just bushed.

16th August – CH4 – Always on Top

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Always on Top and faithful paperboy Doesn’t Think set a great little 5 km happy hash around the lakes property and thru the woods behind the Hex Shelter.

Knowing the area well, it’s always fun to see what the hares make of it and judging by the infrequent circles but frequent wrong turns some FRBs took, the run was a roaring success.

After a jaunt thru the wet woods in light drizzle, we crossed the road and trail continued to a weir.

Possibly 3cm of water to cross but Chucky doing his best impression of an OCD show jumper with hydrophobia, refused with alacrity and went around trying to find other ways to get across. As the hares had found earlier, there weren’t any!

Cartoon and TmB seemed to be FRBs whenever I caught sight of them which involved mostly Cartoon returning from checking wrongly and TMB disappearing in unfavoured directions and yelling OnOn audibly. First times for everything eh!

KO, Poo, Anywan and Strumpet were running roughly the same pace as me and one was silent, was wasn’t, one silent but made alluring groans and moan noises as I jogged behind her pert rear view and one chatted happily, wore a plastic hairnet and kept an eye out for foragables!

The hill up and over towards the end was a surprise and a challenge. Steep, wet and overgrown coming down but no stones as SheepShagger observed.

Funny as we came to the trail back to the Hex across the other flooded weir to see Poo stop, look and carry on around. Another few 100m and he’d been back on the out trail again happy as Larry!

Onon!

6th August – CH3 – ABB

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The Abominable one and the Purple apprentice teamed up at shortish notice to set a very decent trot around Frozen Dick’s area.
ABB told me yesterday the run was 10.5km down Canal Rd and in. Well imagine my surprise when the HHH sign on the bridge was at 7! That’ll fcuk over a few I mused. Signs were clearly set but the third or fourth was white letters on dark red background and hard to notice. Lucky I slowed right down at that junction. That’ll fcuk over a few I mused.

Second hasher to arrive was Cartoon. And yes, he’d been fcuked over a couple of times getting there. Shagless on his bike and Frozen Dick showed up too fresh from jet lag and a convivial bonhomie ensued.

The run was about 7, I left my phone in my bag, but ran harder than normal and managed to follow ChuckWao home in just over 45 mins I believe. It was well marked in clear white strips and well placed circle checks. Looked like Purple had taught ABB some new tricks.

The weather was lovely all run and the thick vegetation helped the hares to make some checks tricky. Direction seemed to constantly change and we wove in and out and around properties, quarries, moobaans and orchards on flat, mostly hard dirt trails.

I knew the area well but couldn’t really predict where they’d go. We got twisted around a few times and after about 5km came to a check along a barbed wire fence. This really stumped the pack as the barbed wire wasn’t passable and all other options had been investigated. Eventually ChuckWao wriggles through the 5 strand fence and locates paper in the field. No way could Purple or ABB get through there we all seemed to think alike!

Advising Emma to go straight, I thought we’d find a gap. Wrong. I decided to head straight and turn left when I could as it had to intersect CW’s directional heading. Emma joined me and turning the next corner we saw CW way up ahead as he exited the field. Cartoon was calling us all the bastards in the world as he realised we were competitive but hadn’t messed with the barb wire.

Round to the right around a big quarry and through a gravelly stream bed to a familiar junction. Chucky had already done the last ditch FT and laid paper to indicate true trail. Bless. I pushed hard but he was 100 ahead at the OnOn.

Great to see Piggy on trail again and meet our two pantomime villain Australian visitors from Chiang Rai, Ladyboy aka Rainbow Pussy or something from Perth and Caddy from Northern Tasmania masquerading as rural Victoria. Good runners and keen smokers both. Thankfully they puffed their cancer sticks away from the circle.

Really enjoyed the run and the circle. Byte you missed a good ‘un.

30th July – CH3 – Alice

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Should have been named comedy of errors run. How tricky is take the bridge at the HHH sign 4.4 km down Canal Rd for male hashers? How tricky is meet at Canal Rd footy field for bunnies? Obviously very. Nice to see Burrito Butt and Geisha Gash anyway!

At least ALL the CH4 SELF drivers made it and good to see Tiptoe on trail again. Alice started them off at 5:10pm with the songthao still halfway to Burma allegedly following Pamela’s old signs 12km down Canal Rd and beyond.

Luckily the rain held off but the hash gods fcuk you up in other ways. Finally around 5:30pm, the songthao arrives from the wrong direction with Does Nothing in the navigator’s seat. Apparently this was an emergency replacement after ABB proved he doesn’t possess the Rooter smarts as front seat eyes and brains for LungLa. Back to being tail gunner for ABB, a position his skillset is more suited to.

The initial pack consisted of ChuckWao, Turkish, Cartoon and Shrek. They swore blood brothers and undying co-operation until one of ’em reverted to type and disappeared about 3.5km into the run as the trail went up the doi for runners and pink lead the walkers down to rejoin trail at a busy junction leading to the rear of Grand Canyon.

Sharing all the work by 3 FRBs is hard yakka and the lads did well to find their way up the doi, left and down. Alice spotted them coming out of the woods left side of Grand Canyon as Purple Fart and Does Nothing were seen high up behind the old quarries at the check behind the Grand Canyon letters.

ABB was the most fleet footed of the second batch and lead the way home for them. Shrek got the challenging check in the middle of the field correct and Alice kicked out the circle and laid paper so CW and Cartoon could catch the flying Dane.

Back at the A, Turkey decided the best form of defence is attack and berated the real FRBs for taking their time and losing him. Right! Short shrift I think describes their response.

Cabbage Patch was followed in on the out trail by the lady owner of the palatial mansion where the first check was set. Who were we, what were we doing? Her hubby even called Poo today. Hashers obviously made an impression. This check was actually unkicked, so Tiptoe turned round early doors as he didn’t fancy facing trail alone if that was going to be the pattern. It seems only two others weren’t dealt with so ten good uns and three left as is. Note to reader: the three False Trails were also pristine so Turkish is well and truly holed below the waterline and sinking fast.

Cartoon had 8.3kn when I was expecting FRBs to have 7 ish. Does Nothing got the wings for 200 runs as CH3 GM and ABB was first to identify the 3 spirit mixes on offer:Sang Som and Coke, GnT and Vodka and Orange Juice.

OnOn!
Alice😩👣🇬🇧🙏

26th July – CH4 – Sleeps on It & Dick the Boy

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By Alice

Stick to the facts. A good reporter sticks to the facts.

Fact 1: I was so looking forward to my first hash back.

Fact 2: Coming Slow had no eyes in the cab so we missed the turn and were 20 mins late.

Fact 3: The self drivers waited for us.

Fact 4: Hare brief said trail laid on decent sized squares of white paper with some Vs after circles and false trails and check backs may be unduly long.

Fact 5: Trail was laid with some white squares, ripped half and quarter squares.

Fact 6: Moderate to severe paper shortage in Mae Jo area.

Fact 7: FRBs Chucky, Poo, TMB, even Alice, KO and Anywan frequently return from checking only for others to eventually find scraps of paper 150-200-250m down the same paths.

Fact 8: First 4 km is on undulating trails, second 4km on concrete roads.

Fact 9: Many hashers use technology to find way back as frustration turns to exasperation.

Fact 10: Alice had 8.3km and sore hips and knees from the concrete roads.

Fact 11: Hare Dick the Boy Wonder had been drinking since 7am.

Fact 12: Hares who drink from 7am appear unable to respond appropriately to facial clues (bored, long even angry faces), verbal (Short circle is a good circle, Anytime before midnight etc) hints and physical demonstrations (people walking away, driving off or ChuckWao lying on the floor and going to sleep).

Fact 13: Alice has never seen a cuter baby than 5 month old Nicole, daughter of Made and DTBW.

Fact 14: Alice wonders about splashing the hare by suggesting a DNA test for paternity of the beautiful little bundle.

Fact 15: Alice gives up caring as it’s way past his bedtime as the circle continues towards the witching hour.

Fact 16: 250THB for a home cooked feast with noodles, papaya salad, pork, black chicken and fish, with corn, dark green lettuce and pineapple.

Fact 17: Cuckold via Chuck Wao repays Does Nothing and ABB.

Fact 18: Cabbage Patch thinks it’s clever to borrow money and not pay back.

Fact 19: Alice gets Cabbage to pay for his supper and promises to pay him back.

Fact 20: Alice predicts the tone of TMB’s Whatsapp message this morning.