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5th July – CGH3 – ABB & Softballs

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Back to Maejo for installment #2 of the Maejo Ballsup! This time we set off from the Tigers Head – a spot we had run through last Thursday. How would the hares mix it up? Would they mix it up? Would it at least be in reverse? Nope…

Scum charged away at the start as the trail headed over the small hill to join the main trail that heads up to the 5 point junction. A couple of checks, but we were heading back to that junction. The hares had mixed it up a bit, so I guessed we might turn right, head up the ridge a little and then drop down to the left. But Scum was coming back from there when I got there, so I checked the same way I did on Thursday, and sure enough I was back on paper heading down the hill, breezing through checks and feeling good!

Until… the same god damn, mother fooking, check that thwarted me on Thursday. Only this time it was worse. I swear the rest of the pack must have slipped silently by without a call as I went this way and that way, eventually getting back to the check to find myself behind. Not long after I got to a beerstop that was nearly deserted with the hares just packing up.

The peace of a solo trail runner – except this runner was gradually slowing down. I caught up with Bendover first – quick chat and then on to Cartoon who seems to still be struggling. There just weren’t enough checks to keep anyone together, particularly as people knew where they were. A minor variation from Thursday, but it wasn’t enough to let me catch up. I saw HRA, Mary Poppins ahead, but they were gone by the time I got to the road back to the Tigers Head. To punish myself for my stupidity, I did an extra loop up to enjoy the scenery along the dam – I can’t complain running out around Maejo!

1st July – CH4 – Softballs & ABB

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Hashing in Chiang Mai is resuming, and the Happy Hash met out in Maejo and the small mosquito infested shelter on the way to the Tiger’s Head. Softballs was the hare, but he had taken ABB out the week before to have a look around – ABB happened to use his GPS, and was a little slow hiding his track – slow enough that one hasher may just have had a peek at what was in store… 😉

I took Terrabyte along for the exercise, but went home before the circle. On the way, the lad clearly had racist tendencies – chip off the old block? Anyway, we set off and it was over the weir, but on the other side there was no check… Huh? Surely we would be turning left like ABB did last week? Along to the right and a circle – damnit – typical ABB… But I was committed now, I had to keep going and head up the hill a little, until eventually the inevitable call from way back in the opposite direction. I think Emma Royde got it right, so CW and I took off in pursuit debating whether we would see Emma again after such a long check.

The next check was already solved and we were chasing down Emma, until he appeared behind us having been fooled by “not a check”. Somehow I was leading, with CW close behind asking me why his smart TV wasn’t very smart any more… My brain can continue conversations while I’m running, but I struggle to answer, so concentrated on keeping plugging away. As I passed a small trail to the left, I pointed and told CW it was probably that way, and sure enough another 50m or so I hit another check. Despite telling people that it was probably back again, EVERYBODY followed me like sheep… I couldn’t just go back to the previous junction, so I looped around to the main trail and of course found paper where I expected heading towards the Tiger’s Head.

The pace was pretty decent, but I’d stolen a yard or two and managed to extend a little lead after going past the buildings and up the hill. Another “not a check”, with a check some way past it, and surely another back check – but once again as leader I had no choice but to continue and once again looped around to join Emma back at the front. Another check, and Emma was wrong, and I once again gained an advantage, but promptly misjudged where I was and got a check badly wrong. As I came back there was a long stream of hashers passing by, including Terrabyte who wasn’t going to get it that easily. It was a pleasant descent and once again the pace kept ticking over. A couple of confusing checks that ended up being just straight on had me back in pole, but with CW and Piggy right behind along with HRA and the boy. We past several trails off to the left, and it had to be one of them. A bad time to be leading as it was for sure another back check. Damnit! You are only as good as your last check, and I was thwarted at the death – great trail though and good to be back!

CGH3 – 28th June – Sheep Shagger

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It’s been a while… First the bad air kicked in, then the heat and the pandemic, but finally I got out on a hash trail again with the Gentlemen’s hash off and running again. Sheepy set from a familiar spot near the quarries off Sameong Road. A decent turn out to see what he had in store.

Scum was quick out of the blocks across a farmers field with Cartoon in hot pursuit. At the first check I found myself with Shrek and Emma Royde chasing after Scum who seemed to be getting lucky. He breezed through a few checks leaving us just enough time to go the wrong way – but he was breezing through them so fast that he simply skipped a false trail and a big loop that rejoined the main trail as we went up by the side of the wall formerly known as the rubber wall.

Of course it had to turn left at some point, and the hare teased us with the turn a few times. We went into the back of the resort (Strawberry?) and another check had most of the pack checking right. I went left around the resort and didn’t hear anything called. The resort is a loop inside, so I figured I would rejoin them around the top of the resort, but as I went up the hill I spotted paper off to the left and headed over. It seems I had somehow got onto a wimp short cut and was now well ahead – despite being confused with paper going in 3 directions as the trails merged.

Whatever, I continued on, unsure if I was ahead or behind. I was ahead but already at the bottom of the hill as I heard them calling at the top. A few easy checks and the pack wasn’t closing on me. Trail looped around the quarry and another check near the back of the temple – they have cleared that area out a bit and there is a new temple hall in construction. I got it wrong, but then was back on trail through the temple with a few friendly dogs to keep me company. As I went around the small lake, I heard the pack approaching the temple, but kept quiet as the trail was clearly looping back to the road just past the check. There was the On-In – a quiet grin to myself and then the last push back to the cars. A pleasant reintroduction.

23rd January – CSH3 – Someone

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Hmmm… So maybe people wonder why I haven’t been going to the CSH3 for a while – and I still don’t, because unfortunately for years it has just been shit. Ever since Superman took over it has gone downhill, and it hasn’t recovered.

So why this post? I have heard that Superman decided to give an erect penis award to a nine year old boy last week. If there isn’t a time for a wake up call, what does it take? I am not happy hosting this site about events like this. This hash needs a complete regime change in April and the dinosaurs have to retire, otherwise the hash will die.

21st Dec – CGH3 – Bend Over

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Yikes! I hope Santa brings me a new GPS watch! These days I am down to hashing once a week and that sucks! I have to work on Thursdays, so no Happy Hash. Saturday hash is “Meh” – I can only hope for changes in leadership to make it worthwhile going to next year – or perhaps we should just start a new hash at the weekend? Anyway, Mondays, I can get out of work to get to the Gentleman’s hash….

Bendover was the man from somewhere along the Ob Kham road, and overall it was a great set in an area that he knows very well. I had high ambitions for today – I’d not done too much at the weekend, so was feeling good before we set off. We all set off walking, and despite sparse paper as we got to the first check it felt like a couple of weeks before where I went left (correctly) and Cartoon went right…. – this time, Cartoon was correct, and I was wrong. The fucking annoying bit is that his correct choice was a retarded loop up a small hill and back to 4M away from where I was – Nice one Hare, you got me.

So I was playing some catch-up, but I was also conserving energy. For some reason the hare had told us in the hare brief there was going to be some checking early and some running later – TMI? The next part was a mass confusion! I have no idea what was happening – I wasn’t quite at the front, but those ahead also seemed to have no idea what was going on. Scum hadn’t seen a check back before so was maybe checking a new check, Shrek was later accused of confusing people with how he solved a FT… For me, I have no idea what was going on – I didn’t see paper, I was just chasing flashes of people’s shirts through the forest – given how messed up it seemed, I am shocked how quickly we found it.

And then to the turn…. Scum didn’t believe me 100%, but it was the moment it would either turn left or right. We ambled. My gut was to go right, and Cartoon was already going that way so we could ‘amble’ towards him. Shrek called it from 180 degrees, completely the opposite direction, but Cartoon, just ahead on trail said “huh” – he found paper too, so perhaps we short cut, or perhaps we used our superior intelligence, either way the trail broke right, and we were on paper.

I had a bit of advantage over Scum here having run here before, so took a bit of a lead. Perhaps I could be the one to win on Bend Over’s challenge? Sadly no….. I made a very stupid call at a check by Turkey’s Triangle…. I am still upset with myself – last time I ran there was before the road was tarmacced, so I was slightly confused, but still Emma Royde got the key check right and there is no chasing that guy down!

Great exercise, and great chilled circle. There were some really funny moments, but nothing forced. Thanks BO!

14th December – CGH3 – Titty Smoker

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I need to cut back on Sunday exercise if I am going to be able to run on a Monday – that was only 6.4km with <100m elevation change, but it was really, really tough! From out the back of Itchy & Suckit’s place, it is a maze of trails, creeks, little hills, rocky bits, sandy bits that all blend into one another. Even on a straight trail it is easy to get disoriented, on this hash we zigged and zagged around and I was thankful for the breadcrumb paper trail to lead me back out to safety! Initially the hares had carefully placed the sun to be right in our eyes and when in front it was a big challenge to look at the floor for footing, and yet up to see paper, being constantly blinded when doing so. It seemed whichever way I turned the sun was coming at me. I tried jogging for a short downhill stretch, but it became quickly apparent that my exertions over the weekend were weighing heavily in my legs, so I would at best be able to walk. When I nearly decided to short cut, I realised I couldn’t be sure which direction to go, so my best option was to continue following paper. Fortunately the checks were good, and this pack of CGH3 runners stayed close together. HRA set off late, but somehow didn’t manage to catch the main group, and while Sheep Shagger loaded up with rocks for his garden, he was still with the pack most of the way around. I am not sure I’ve been on all of those trails before – admittedly a lot look the same, but it definitely wasn’t just the same as usual. Enjoyable, but tough… I need a couple of days now to recover!

7th December – CGH3 – Frozen Dick

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It was down the canal road for tonight’s hash from FD’s place. For weeks we have heard about the great Rib Off between FD and Shrek, so we knew the food should be special, and after missing a few weeks because of vacation, work and exhaustion, it was nice to get back out on trail.

I set off with Cartoon in the standard start to the run, with the expected circle check – he may as well just fix a permanent circle there! It is 50/50, and this time I chose left, which was right. Too early to start running, so I walked along letting Emma Royde & Shrek nearly catch me by the next couple of checks, which I also got correct – straight on to the hills. A V check to the left, a V check to the right – I was on a roll and still not really running yet. Then a circle in the middle of a sticker patch. Overgrown trails around, but just those ugly grass seeds sticking in my feet. Emma Royde and Pigshit seemed to spend more time sitting down picking at their feet than running!

The pack was sticking together and I drifted along in the middle. I wasn’t feeling too great and had to pause at one point to empty my stomach. I lost some ground, and the found myself with Piggy towards the back. I could have easily short cut my way back, but that wasn’t the point, and with the checks it didn’t take long for me to get back near the front. It cooled off a bit, and I started feeling better. Navigating my way forward, it seemed Cartoon was setting the pace, but he got a circle badly wrong going up an unnecessary hill in the wrong direction. Shrek took control, and with Scum chasing him down he blitzed through a few checks. I was running now, but the two of them ahead weren’t letting up. Titty Smoker was on my heels as we got to the penultimate check. That was GAME OVER for Shrek – too bad buddy! The trail was a gentle decline, so the afterburners were lit and I think the whole pack was pushing it chasing Scum to the last check. Game Over Scum! I rounded the corner and picked up the paper trail. A glance over my shoulder showed Piggy chasing me down, but I knew I was close to home, and he was too far back. ON IN!

A civilised circle sat on Frozen’s back porch. Note to self – bring spare socks next week, and a jacket – it is starting to get colder! Finally it was time for the main event and the chefs hit the kitchen. For me there was a clear winner, but I’m sure everyone has their own taste, and being honest I could never claim to be a ribs expert. The potato salad competition was an unexpected bonus – for me that was much harder to call, but I suspect both competitors had help! Cheers to all for a great evening!

9th November – CGH3 – HRA

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The gentlemen of Chiang Mai Hashing convened for the 3rd outing – this time an HRA affair in his favourite area – this time the A-site was in a farmer’s field up the hill from the canal road football field.

I have run that area many times, so I didn’t expect to find any new trails, and also having hared quite a bit with HRA I have a bit of an idea how his mind works, so the set didn’t surprise me, but it was still a fun set. In the harebrief he promised us 53 minutes for the FRBs and that was pretty much spot on – indeed I looked at my watch towards the end of the run to see how much time we had left before I decided which way to check.

We started off with a bit of climbing and a conservative pace. Shrek was ahead early, but seemed to misunderstand that when you hit a “FT” you should call out “FALSE TRAIL”, not just grab the sign and run back. Bad Shrek – no biscuit! A bit further on trail he was telling us about how he tapered for 3 days to prepare for today’s hash – is someone becoming a racist?!

We crossed back over the road to the trails closer to the football field, and then there was a nice circle to FT combination. It would have worked out even better if most of the pack hadn’t short cut their way up to the FT, but for sure the pack was together. Cartoon and Mary Poppins lead the way for a while with Titty Smoker in the mix as well. For me I seemed to have to keep thanking ABB as he kindly stepped aside for me to pass him – should I say thank-you? Should I say thank-you every time? I am grateful, but it seems a bit weird if I have to thank him again a few hundred meters later because I’ve screwed up!

Thankfully I got back into the game at the front for a bit, but HRA did manage to get into my head a bit – I know he is meticulous, and he will pull down old paper. There was one check where I found some ripped up old paper that looked like HRA had pulled it off and then dropped it, and sure enough I was right! But then there was a check that there was old paper still hanging from a leaf – surely I was wrong, but this time I was right but the paper hadn’t been taken down… So the next check I found old paper and carried on only to be way back again and having ABB step aside for me to pass again. Haring on a new level!

The pack was still together, but Shrek was edging ahead. A bit of confusion towards the end, but we were so close to home. I wanted to use my kick to finish, but there was no kick. My nose was telling me where the A-site was, but my legs were telling me they were fine as they were. Titty Smoker took off after Shrek, I walked in with Piggy. Good fun set, good exercise and then a comfortable, social, chilled out chat.

2nd November – CGH3 – Cartoon – Run #2

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The gentlemen’s hash is off and rolling with a decent turn out for run #2. While the hash is in good shape, I wasn’t. I recently gave up beer for 100 days, but fell off the wagon, and on Saturday night happened to be chatting to Taste My Buns about getting some exercise in (ooer). Doi Ngum came up, and somehow I found myself with Shrek, Sloppy and TMB tackling the climb on Sunday – complete with the ladder obstacle. None of that is at all relevant to today’s run, except that I felt terrible all day, and nearly did a U-turn on my way to the run.

And so it is – run #2, from Cartoon’s lake. His son Duffy Duck on hand to co-hare and the mountain panorama spread out ahead of us! Would he take us on those beautiful forest trails? Or would he put us on the road and through the cowshit? Unfortunately it seemed the cowshit got the win. The pace was slow to begin with, as most seemed to be following me – I was struggling to keep going so when I got the first check wrong I couldn’t start catching up again.

I walked along for a bit with hashers ahead of me, but as we zigged and zagged into the ricefield, they were calling from ahead of me, and then from behind me. I think Pigshit was completely confused at one point when he probably assumed I was in front, but actually behind on the wrong side of a canal.

I laboured my way to the road, and across the otherside there were hashers disappearing in the distance. I persisted a short way, but realised I was probably doing my harm than good, so bailed back to the A, missing the beerstop, but got a cheerful wave from Sloppy as he drove by presumably out of work late.

Thanks for the efforts, and good to see a good group together for it – I have to manage my body a bit better to cope with it!

26th October – CGH3 – Shrek – Run #1

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The gentlemen hashers of Chiang Mai gathered for their inaugural run – the founders day run for a new chapter of hashing in Chiang Mai. It was great to be back out on trail amongst a friendly positive vibe. I don’t want to dwell on the fracture that led to this moment, as the focus should be on the enjoyable evening and the positives moving forward, and after all any “male” with an email address is probably still suffering from bleeding ears caused by the petty childishness of certain email exchanges. When wannabe despots or dictators are determined to be divisive to the point of destruction, divorce can cure the dolorousness. Alliteration – awesome – moving on.

I got to the cremation place by the disco shelter a bit early – perhaps excited to be hashing again, but mostly not wanting to go back to my office after class. The signage was slightly off, and I stumbled upon a circle check – useful inside information for later! Shrek showed up just after I’d moved his sign and one by one more cars started appearing with hashers eagerly stumbling out. A collective BYO appeared to extend to “Bring Your Own Hasher” – at least for Titty Smoker who had rounded up a collection. Sheepy was the last to appear as Shrek sent us off out the entrance and left to an immediate circle check that none of us had spotted on the drive in.

Straight away we were foxed! The entrance to the disco shelter was pretty overgrown, so everyone went straight past to the circle, and we spent some time hunting around some guys garden with his dogs. Someone was insistent it was the Disco Shelter, but there certainly weren’t any disco’s going on there! Finally I found it with SS who had clearly been told where to go by the hare after he’d got changed. A few early checks with the hare being kind to us on the water crossings – one of the bridges even had metal rails to hold on to! This is gentlemanly hashing if you ask me!

It’s been a while since I’ve been here, but there are certain limits and routes that were predictable (particularly knowing where a circle would be later in the run). Nonetheless there was a decent recycling of the lead up front and the checks kept us together. Piggy and I got ahead at one point, and as we past a trail that headed up the hill Piggy launched into a discussion about how nice it would be to go up that hill and get the blood going. I scarcely had time to reply when we hit the FT and had to go back and up the hill. Cartoon wanted to go even higher up the hill and missed the trail as it cut along the edge of the hill and before long Emma Royde and I were heading back down the hill. This time I did have enough time to tell Emma to expect an FT moments before we saw it. From here we scrambled a little into a ravine – it brought back memories from a long time ago – this time the hare had tried to cut in some steps to help us scramble out and I led the way past some savage dogs around the corner to see the wide grin of the hare sat with some welcomed cold beverages.

There was a circle check at the beer stop, but this time I was 100% sure which way to go, as I knew there was a circle just around the corner. I made as if to check that way while some supped a beer. After confirming my knowledge I walked back to the drinkers and let Cartoon check in the wrong direction for a bit before the group set off on the 2nd half. The next check was the brutal one – which is strange as I had driven here in my car, and I absolutely remember the trail the hare used, and I even checked near there first, but ended up checking wrong. I had a hunch that it had to be up the hill given where the beerstop was, so even though I was reluctant, I did a huge loop around. Huge is not an understatement – when I intercepted trail I must have been 500m++ above them up the hill. I heard that Shrek had to tell the rest where to go. But now I was on trail, ahead… alone… I did hear some calls from behind as I got to the top of the hill, but luckily for me there was no check as the trail turned and went back down again – a nice quick decent down the trail that back in February we escorted the ambulance men on to rescue a stranded hasher. This time there was no holding back – hit the road and back along to the A.

A really enjoyable bit of exercise, followed by a nice chilled out circle. Hashing really is quite simple – a run / some exercise, followed by a beer and some banter. The formula was achieved and the CGH3 is born. OnOn and see you next week! Perhaps we could do without the Danish paint remover to drink?