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23rd May – CH4 – Cartoon

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The air is clean – we are mostly into the green, so it’s safe to go outside! Let’s see what Cartoon has in store for us out at the usual lake in San Kampaeng.

The harebrief told us we knew what to do, and set us off along the side of the lake. A couple of early checks headed us towards the canal in usual style. I cut a little loop off as I found paper before a circle was called and found myself at the front with Blows Herself and a visitor – given the smallish turnout I suspected I might have a lot of work to do today!

We headed along the nice cut through, which takes us away from where Cartoon usually sets, so I was wondering if he had explored the hill, but then paper ran out… I looked closer at the last bit, and it seemed like old paper… Turning back, Sex Pistol & Blows Herself confirmed we must have got onto the wrong trail, and as we headed back, eventually we found a FT hidden behind a bush! Back to the top of the canal, and we found Pussy Galore short cutting, but confused on paper.

We were back along the other side of the canal to a W/R split – seriously does someone need a 2km wimp trail?? Around the corner and trail led to the left – it stank of a False Trail, and I was tempted to just go straight instead, but decided to play the game – sure enough, when I got to the FT, there was Poo and KO waiting to jump out on us. HRA took over the lead for a bit along with Sock My Cock and ABB in the mix.

A circle check at the road, and I suspected we had to cross over to find a way back, and sure enough there was paper after 100m at the nice cut through trail. Meanwhile Sex Pistol and ABB found more true trail leading to a false trail somewhere else.

Another check had me and Blows leading the way, but by now I was starting to overheat.. I needed to slow down a bit, but I had a small lead. A loop around an orchard, back across the road and into a field. I went left and found paper on the back of a tree, but man that was well hidden – I called “ONONLOOKING” a bunch of times as I looked for further trail, but the pack was slow to follow me. Finally figured it out, and went around the corner to the last check. I knew we must be close, so tried to push on through a bunch of freshly cut trees, carefully protected by thorns, damn my leg was ripped up.

Actually a fun set and a fun circle. Cheers Cartoon!

20th May – CH3 – Chuck Wao

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As an early disclaimer, I write this as the co-hare… CW asked if I would come and set the run with him, but also mentioned it would be early in the morning, by which he meant 7am. My alarm went off at 6, but I definitely didn’t have the required amount of caffeine necessary for human engagement by the time I was on site to help carry paper…
I understand it gets hot – and f**k me was it hot, but I wasn’t 100% Byte at 7am on my day off. Fortunately CW had scouted everything and promised me a simple set… Which was true for around 100m… After climbing the small cliff, CW was immediately looking for ways off to the left – ways that weren’t there… After 300m of trail, it didn’t look good staring off the side of a steep cliff – CW was running around looking for a way down, I was praying a coffee god would come and save me!

We finally found scouting plastic thread and we were off, temporarily… CW had found a decent route, but it was easier to spot from the other side, so we went the long way around and while CW marked the connect, I marked the next stretch. CW instructed me “Go down there and put a false trail”… but with time on my hands, I decided a circle would be much more challenging – it was, and it split the pack. How badly can a co-hare fuck a trail up?

The next stretch was around the lake, and with a couple of interesting additions, shouldn’t have been too challenging to figure out.

Finally I got home for a nap and some time to ready myself for the hash. It was tame enough that I encouraged all my boys to come out and give it a go! Thanks to the circle they are now well aware about Chuck Wao involving the penis.

After the pack set off we went to clean up the OnIn, and CW did a great job – not that anyone found out… He reset pretty much every bit of paper lovingly stapling it to the other side of the same leaf each time. After 400m we got to the split where the trail would come back in, and I was instructed to go and tear paper down – “for further than you think!”. I did – I went a long way, so far that I nearly caught Frozen Dick and Tiptoe. Surely that was far enough?

When I got back, I found that CW had laid the connecting paper in the wrong direction, and hadn’t found our previous mark… With a spark of “genius” I suggested making it a false trail… Once again, your co-hare fucked up the trail, as I clearly didn’t clear enough paper, while Skid Mark remembered where he was too well, while the rest of the pack didn’t bother going back to find the true trail…

I think everyone got back ok…

16th May – CH4 – HRA

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So, 4.5km is standard now for runs? Who am I kidding? It was freaking hot, and I am v. unfit – it was definitely far enough for me!

After months of isolation due to the pollution, I ventured out on another run, and it was great to see Poo out on the run as well. He was walking, I was attempting to run, but probably spent at least half the time behind him…

KO was on fire for pretty much all of the run! The first check I got wrong and spent some time playing catch up after finding a way to cross the gully that Shrek & Blows Herself were laughing at me over. I rejoined the pack and continued into the maze of trails 11km south on canal road.

For a while it wasn’t clear if we would turn left or right, but left it was, and did I mention it was hot? I tried to position myself off the front and minimise my efforts, but still I seemed to get checks wrong. KO and I got one right, and she ran off with more energy than me, when she came running back from a false trail Cartoon was right behind me chuckling at our luck…

I definitely need more exercise – I need to lose some weight, and today was just the start of a new phase. I am grateful to HRA for being kind!

4th May – CSH3 – Skidmark

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By Alice

Frozen Dick was kvetching that he isn’t able to solve checks with the FRBs. Well Frozen you missed your big chance. This was a ZINGER with FRBs, mid pack, DFLs all milling about checking here and there TOGETHER for about 30 minutes at the second check. Which turned out to be the last check on the wimp trail. It wasn’t much fun. Walkers mostly standing in the shade as every avenue was explored and re-explored further and further to no avail.

Shagless appeared and yelled:The hare said it was to the right. But we were at the WRONG 2nd/last check not the first. Total fcuk up. We checked every which right, front, back and even the other right.
Eventually saw bodies in the woods: Snail trail, Chatterbox, ABB, Shagless. They’d found the 2nd LAST check going the wrong way and dropped paper going further into the woods. There was only a couple of strips to be found. Then nothing. Total fcuk up.

I jogged back to the resort. 3.9km of total fuck up in 35 minutes. Cartoon and Blows tried to follow paper into the woods. Wrong move. They were back shortly afterwards.
I plopped in the pool.

1. Newly returning hares to be paired with experienced local hares on their first run back.
2. Social services to be alerted if Skidmarks takes virgin hare Potato Head again to ‘teach’ him how to set trail.
3. Cuckold to be informed his Mae Jo endless run has possibly lost its place on the roll of honour.
4. 3 strips per 100m of trail minimum to become legal requirement. Punishable with water down downs or ice time equivalent to time wasted looking while on trail.
5. Prayer.

4th May – CSH3 – Skid Mark

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The pollution dipped a little, so I decided to head out to the CSH3 under the new GMship of Just Cuming. Fucking Hell it is hot out there! Ban Pong resort – a nice spot to run from, and it was Skiddy’s return haring – what would he bring back from his experiences in Canada?

The hare brief was nearly longer than the run! The hare explained a new Hook check – not sure that will be popular, but hey! Finally we were off, and KO and I strolled along the lane discussing the “new” check – I’d seen it before in UK, and didn’t really have fond memories of it. Anyway, we got to a circle, and I loped off to the left while KO went to the right. It was hot, and I was reluctant to put too much effort in. TMB, Sloppy and some others scattered in the same general direction as me, and then we all spotted paper a bit to the left. There wasn’t much paper, but it did have today’s run number on it, and with a little bit of effort we found another circle.

Here TMB went to the right – which kinda made sense. I went left and just around the corner found paper! Not much paper, but that seemed to be the MO today. 50m further and then “ONIN”! WTF? Paper leading back down the road to the resort, and another couple of large ONINs to bring us in the back entrance!

7 minutes after setting off, I ran down the carpark to an incredulous Skiddy! I assured him I hadn’t done the Wimp Trail – I hadn’t even seen a Wimp Trail! A short diagnosis showed we had gone wrong at the first check, as the Wimp Trail was too close.

Sloppy and Tasty joined me as we headed out again – it was just like Saturdays for the past year with just the 3 of us out there! It seems the rest of the pack mostly aborted and went to look at the lake instead. Meanwhile we went back to the first check, and after a concerted effort we found the trail off it – past some cows, that was probably a lot trickier than the hare expected.

Eitherway we were off, and the three of us headed into the valley. A V-check – but no trail marked off it – the bizarre marking kept holding Tasty up, and Sloppy and I plodded along behind her admiring our beerguts. Tasty came running back when she saw the confusing “Hook” check – it looked like a U-turn, so that’s what she did! When we got closer there was the number 4…. Hmmmmz… there were only 3 of us. One option would be to wait for someone else to show up? Or run all the way back to the resort to drag someone out to join us? Or to simply ignore it and carry on – ultimately when you see the U-turn, you don’t U-turn, you just keep going?!

Another circle, and when Tasty had gone 120m, she turned back and saw paper next to me at around 100m – it was another check – (circle to circle?). Previously we’ve been up the hill straight on, but that path looked overgrown, while a newer trail appeared to lead off to the left. Once again we found a little bit of paper, and it dropped us down into the creek bed, and gave us a good 500-700m of rough shitty scramble to get out. Knowing the area, Tasty and I climbed up to the marginally nicer trail above the creek bed, and made out way down again. In the past year we’ve regularly met out in this area, and have networked the trails exhaustively, so there were few surprises left.

Tasty got a bit of a lead, and sat waiting for us at a nice picnic table as the two fat blokes were suffering in the heat. It was enough – time to head in for a beer. As fuckups go, it was memorably monumental!

3rd May – CH4 – KO

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With KO unencumbered by the millstone that is Poo and in her favoured area, only good could come from this run, right? Well yes and no. A small pack again and two Kiwi visitors livened it up. KO’s signage looked like aliens had landed and perhaps they had.
Trail went south and west to the temple, I’m hazy about those tracks but TMB assures me I know them well. After ten minutes I recognised trail and junctions and was able to predict a general clockwise circuit back to base.
Cartoon and TMB were often FRB but got buggered now and again by the plethora of options at the many 3 ways checks on offer. HRA, Skiddy, Blows and Strumpet were going strong and rumour had it that Cumalot was in the van early doors.
We had great runnable trails, much shade and lots of big dry crackling leaves to mask the calls. But hark, a terrible bellowing sound! Was it a carabao in extremis being anally DP’d sans lube? It sure sounded like it. Wait, maybe it was a forest deer being castrated by an old hill tribe hag with three blunt teeth? An open glade revealed the mystery beast, none other than Blows Herself extending her range of forest call signs.
It was hot, if not fff hot. My intensely orange shirt found favour in ABB’s gimlet eyes but seemed to be wicking the umph out of me. I pulled it over my head and telepathically BH started talking about running topless and Strumpet rolled her top up so I could study the bottom of her very fetching lower back tattoo. Surprised me she was that into West Ham but I may have been mistaken.
At a familiar though cheeky check I remembered its down thru the forest to a parallel path and so did TMB. HRA wasn’t impressed with my On right and down call. Nor I with him not kicking out the check after the dam.
The way in was a couple of two choice circles and I guarded and kicked out as TMB, HRA and Cartoon ran away from me – and sometimes were on.
Good run, just right at 5.3km for me although TMB had a km more from checking aka fcuking up.
The high ice chair was implemented by Skiddy with luckily no injuries and the glamistas Comimg Quick and Strumpet were worthy wings winners. The circle basically ran itself like the run set itsel, and soon it was time for a glass of ale.

30th April – CH3 – Alice

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It was hot and somewhat smoggy in the morning so I set after lunch when it’s still fff hot but less smoggy.

The arrival of TipToe and Frozen driving HRA unaided, suggested signage was spot on although the Sheep Shagger and Turkey acid test may have told another tale.

With shade and a drinks stop it wasn’t too bad as the run was mostly flat apart from a short climb though the woods to an old Turkey trail.

An expected small pack proved again that quality doesn’t equal quantity. Skidmark brought Potato Head for his first CH3 run despite it being his 13th wedding anniversary. Kudos! Two German visitors pushed the Aryan quota and the Balls dynasty limits.

The hare brief was brief. White paper squares, that way, go!

I heard the calling for the first check and also the second as he pack turned left in the forest and came back to cross a dry creek, Tiptoe swinging down on the vines that probably wouldn’t have held Potato Head – with obvious results. Pigshit enjoyed that sideshow.

Up through the orchard and a tricky check at a wide t junction but true trail through the fence and into the forest.

When scouting that trail in the doi, I was convinced we’d not been there until I found compelling evidence that CroMagnum man had left his mark. Yup, Turkish Delight checks from Dec 2016.

The trail turned south and headed for some homesteads out of the forest and a 3 way where right was back to a familiar flooded quarry. So I went straight and brought the pack around to the big posh house on the corner.

Next check was the kicker. It was 30m past the corner and straight looked inviting as Strava proved. Back and across the wooden bridge it was, but Chucky stopped a few metres short and suddenly the pack were rechecking and then checking silly non options. Finally ABB went over Chuck Wao’s footsteps and found paper and it was Onon through the forest after ten minutes pluses ! Here the pack collected the last few million sticker balls I’d left behind and made two turns without checks.

Out overlooking the canal the next check above the new mansion had Cartoon and ABB looking deep in the casava field when it was straight on and down. Pigshit and Chuckwao were first to
the beer stop although the lanky Aussie needed his Seeing Pig to identify Alice, motorbike and beers.

Our German visitors made the most of it. One had two glasses and the other took his glass with him.

Potato Head had been complaining about twisted ankle and this and that. Come on son, your dad can stay home if he wants to get nagged!

The trail blew through the only V and then around a flooded quarry. FRBs traipsing around were watched by sneaky ABB who cut across the top side to rejoin trail.

The final trick was a FT and it actually worked. Cartoon and Chucky came back from the fenced alley saying False Trail.

ABB points left and runs off convinced he’s homewards bound. Wrong!
Half the pack follow the errant Sealhacker while HRA plus German stand and ignore Cartoons cries of OnOn from the right.

Finally ChuckWao returns up the path, finds the gap in the fence 40m from the bar and sees the paper link 10m away. Why anyone would run 100m from trail looking for paper off a FT beats me!

FRBs made it back just over the hour. Frozen had continued along a forest trail beyond check 2 and got thru the big property and back. Tiptoe I’m not sure of as he never made the drinks stop. The small circle was lightly handled by new GM HRA, and this tired hare enjoyed a cider.


25th April – CH4 – Pigshit & Krap Thai

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It was ANZAC Day, so a couple of Ozzies teamed up out in my backyard Maejo. I’ve not run for weeks… make that months… the pollution, work, etc. The smog had been improving the past few days, but this morning it was still not good, so although I was ready to run, I didn’t expect the storm that cleaned things up mid afternoon. Eitherway, I headed out to Maejo for some much needed exercise.

We set off, but immediately the hares were messing with us – normally we’d hit the forest & hills quickly, but they had us zig zagging on some rarely used trails – nice work! After a KM, we weren’t close to reaching the gate that was just down the road, after 2K we were just approaching the square lake – a regular A-site. The pack was still mostly together, and most of us stood at the corner of the lake watching while Chuckie ran one side, and then another side.. when he started back down the 3rd side, we on mass jogged across the dam to meet him again – cheers for that!

After that I put a bit of a streak together, nailing a few checks, and when I finally got one wrong it was a false trail that I was highly skeptical of. Tasty took the lead and given her level of fitness I wouldn’t have been surprised to not see her again, but it wasn’t long before the lead was rotating as we seemed to do hill repeats up and down the lower part of the hill – undulating – nice word hares!

I locked in on the likely route out – we couldn’t turn left quite yet, and when Tasty and CW did, it was only CW that came back, while Tasty reappeared at the next junction. Cartoon took the lead with a burst of energy. I predicted he’d get the next check right, but the one after wrong – the checks weren’t quite where I expected, but I was right as he took off towards the gate and the way home, while I followed Tasty on true trail to the right.

So on the final part of the trail, I might have detoured… or straight lined… but it was hot, and I’d got some good exercise in. I definitely need more of this to get back in shape – see you next time!

6th April – CSH3 – Shrek

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The biggest problem for Shrek seemed to be the A site with a ditch being dug which made entry to the property difficult. However, adversity being the muddafucka of invention, he worked out you could enter thru the trees just off the road and so it came to pass.
Shrek laid a very fair 5.5km route on super well known trails for me, but perhaps 30% known to him. Always interesting what hares do in an area you know well. Only HRA has set here and repeatedly surprised me with his cut throughs, hidden paths and sneaky joins unknown to man and most beasts.
Well I knew every step of this run but definitely not the order Shrek put it together!
Due to the shite air, i was never going to run in 200 AQI but walking meant I was able to get close to FRBs Blows and Obscene when Shrek’s best checks came into play.
It was overcast, smoggy and dusty all run, but much of it was in burnt forest which will be really nice after the rains. Up we went towards the doi and right at the first corner. Into the forest valley with no check made me suspicious we might return down the almost parallel track. Suddenly FT was called and I ducked up a small ravine I’d found scouting with Yankoffalot in 2016. It was steep and slippery as the stones rolled but I knew we’d get to the ridge path so I followed a path more direct but off paper. As I rejoined trail, Pussy complimented me on great long cutting!
Up the ridge we went to the three way check. Fresh Meat went straight for 50m and just stopped listening and hoping. Lazy Cloggy bastard poorly trained by Cartoon.
Blows found trail left and down we went to the valley. Here was Shrek’s best check with not right as expected, not left as I checked despite reservations, but thru the orchard and down into the gates of hell ravine and up the other side! That bunched the pack back up a bit!
On the other side we turned left for home then jackknifed back up Piggy trail up a forested spur. At the check at the top I expected a sharp left and back down, and so did Capt Hook. When OnOn was called right, he just kept going down and short cut home!
At the next junction higher up we did go left and down out of the doi onto the familiar looping path back towards Canyon View. At the V I reckoned left, but I was wrong again as Shrek took us not thru HRA alley but down to the road past the tip quarry and through the open field.
Tiptoe came in last and alone after 1:20 maybe, Cartoon and Fresh Meat left pre-circle as did Cumalot and son. A short circle is a good circle, and so it proved with Superman closing proceedings after 29 minutes. Let’s hope that catches on!

1st April – CH3 – Alice

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I came back from the seaside as I had a date with destiny: haring CH3 on 1st April and how well the date suited the conditions. Actually I’d scouted 2 weeks before with a mystery co-hare who shall remain nameless but Sweary Mary may give you an inkling. The day I returned was fair in the arvo so I set the run on a whim Sunday.
A small pack was no surprise, but size doesn’t always equate with quality as we know. Tiptoe was a bit challenged arriving and it was 4:55 before he fronted. We set off at 5 after as the guys filled water bottles with hydration salts.
Off they walked to the first check overlooking the rice field behind. Before long the pack were away along the riverside path and crossing over a bamboo bridge to the other side. Further down they came back over and to a check as they hit the road. Strava suggests an FRB found trail going into the property rather than the actual first few papers but no matter, the pack cantered along a narrow path above a stream and crossed to a FT, the first of a few.
Back and along the side of a field to a main path. Paper went right but the pack must have expected it to go left. I imagine a FT was suspected. Across a rickety bamboo bridge to a check and then a big box back towards the sandbag dam crossing. While setting, I saw a big black snake slither out of the paddy just a yard infront of me. I remembered to forget that in my hare brief.
Across the dam to a forest check. ABB and Graven took the obvious routes back and along either side of the river. Cartoon eventually crossed a small stream and a concrete weir to find trail along the top edge of a big lake. That check spun ’em around a bit!
Through the school and across another swampy stream into a property with dogs and cattle. No dogs today luckily. Out to a 4 way road check and a big loop towards the 1014 and back over berms in rice fields to a farming property and a tricky check with a long bamboo bridge involved in solving it. More rice field berms and a check near the road in a copse. ABB found true trail but the Turk followed pink walkers paper and Graven with Cartoon followed him to the beer stop.
The last click and a half was around the houses then a switchback to the fields and across a solid berm to the river side path and another beer stop before the On In. Pussy Whisperer, Cumlord and visitor Red Bone made the most of amber supplies. Graven made the most of the first check, skirting the A site and returning to where he’d been an hour previously. Who said Oregonians were behind the times?
Tiptoe and Mumbles marched in after the main pack after probably 1:20 +. Some of the checks hadn’t been kicked so they’d had work to do! Cartoon twanged a calf – there’s a joke in there somwhere – and All Hail the Pussy for 100 up with CH3!