Category Archives: Blog

2nd December – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

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Rating: 4.3/10 (4 votes cast)

I’d describe Turkish’s harings as hit or miss – he sets some truly great runs, but then sometimes misses. Often the question isn’t whether he will fuck up, but just how bad the fuck up will be… It is hard to remember a fuck up this big!

A new area, way out past San Kampaeng, beautiful resort, pool. All set up for a good run, but no hare… Sloppy gave him a call, and he was still out setting trail – perhaps a bit panicked to finish in time? The songthaew just about made it, and then we were set off – in a different direction to where I had sniffed some paper, but never mind! We ran back to the entrance and found a circle check. My legs were slowly warming up, so I was just off the front, but hardly got to the circle when it was called to the left. I was suspicious, as the paper was too close, but ok… We followed paper along road, wondering why we were so far out of the city to run on road. We ran into a funeral party, which just added to the confusion, with paper randomly off to the left, and some stochastic music and people confusing the scene. Again the paper ran out, but ahead someone called a circle. It was pretty clear we were going backwards on trail.

I turned back, suggesting to people we were going backwards, but it was a confusing situation, so it isn’t surprising that only HRA trusted me. I got back to the first check, and checked further the way I had planned to check the first time, only to find Turkish looking frantically desperate. “Why is it kicked out the wrong way? – Go that way!” I bellowed and ONON, and behind me, HRA did the same, but by now we were a km or so from the funeral – a funeral which now had a bunch of lost hashers in bright clothes milling around.

Not much I could do, so I pressed on, going through a few checks with HRA close behind. I got a V check wrong, so joined up with HRA after he got a FT, and we discussed how we should work together as there were only 2 of us now. So… PROBLEM #1 – the In trail was too close to the first check (thats a hare noob mistake). Next we get to PROBLEM #2. HRA and I got to a circle check and decided HRA would go straight, and I would go right. After 100m, we both called “ONON” confidently as we both found paper. Luckily for me, mine was the right paper… Unluckily for HRA (and Sloppy Rod who was following us along with several others), the paper HRA found was from when Turkish was scouting on Monday – he had left paper leading off up to a reservoir. On that trail there were further checks, but it ended with a random circle at a reservoir. HRA and Sloppy spent a lot of time at that check, convinced they were on trail, but futilely hunting a dead trail – they made it back in near darkness, along with some others…

For me, I followed the paper… Around the end of a field, trying hard not to ruin the farmers crops. Past a rotting dead cat. When I came out of the field the trail went left, and I assumed it would loop around and meet HRA, and assumed he had short cut somehow. But, nope – it was a FT, and I was heading away from where I had heard him call. But the trail was well marked and easy to follow – some checks I got right, some not, but it was all good – I was doing the trail… alone…

Finally I saw Sheep Shagger and some visitors, and then Knock Out and Blows Herself, all going the wrong way – clearly resigned to doing the trail backwards. I reassured them the trail was clear and they could keep going – not realising that behind me the trail was now leading them up to the dead end circle check at the reservoir…

From here many of the checks had clues, from those coming the other way, so I jogged on. I realise everyone else was fucked up, but for now I was enjoying it – pleasant trails. I paid my third tribute to the funeral which by now must have been seriously confused as to what was going on.

Overall – it was a really nice set, BUT, there were 2 HUGE mistakes by the hare – and this hare is experienced enough to not make mistakes like that. Ultimately those 2 mistakes lead to a monumental fuck up! Epic Fly By

16th November – CH4 – Graven Image

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Semester drawing to a close, and more runners back in town, so I headed out to Maejo after work to see what Graven would put together. We were pointed off across the dam, first walking with Angry Inch, and then running along with Brownie, discussing the inevitable circle check at the other end of the dam. We decided it would be too wet to turn left, and Graven wouldn’t have used the hill, so 100% it was a right turn. Nobody bothered looking anywhere else, we just jogged down the hill and hit the powder. No check at the next junction, but I had a hunch it would be right as the hare had told the walkers to wait for hints… There was a false trail off to the left, and I found myself checking straight on, before going back to where my initial hunch was.

We crossed the weir near the Tiger’s head, and headed into the usual trails. Brownie was of course in the action, but there was a youngster who I haven’t met before putting us all to shame – boy can he run!!! I’m not sure if we named him “Gay Bambino” in the end or not, but he had some moves in his finger shoes and bright purple clothes. He is a great runner, but perhaps not the smartest as more than once he went breezing past false trails off into the distance! It never took him long to overtake us again though. Trail headed left, down to the lower trails for a bit, before turning back to the right to start climbing back up the hill. At one check Bambi set off to check up the hill, but came running back down after 50-60m, after spotting paper that wasn’t from today. I was pretty sure we’d be going up the hill there, and so Brownie and I continued up discussing how we could slow Bambi down..!

A T-junction at the top and I was torn – turning right would perhaps be a bit short? but turning left meant going all the way up to the ridge line. No check at the junction, but off to the right Foxy and Cod Piece were staring at a circle check. They headed off away from us, but it took a long time for them to give answers to how they had got there, and if they had seen paper on their way. Meanwhile Brownie turned left and scooted away with an inaudible call. I checked beyond the circle following ABB’s paper for a bit until realising we were headed up to the ridgeline. Damn you Brownie!!!

When I got back to trail I was behind a lot, so excellent check hare, you got me on that one :( I caught up ABB, Alice, Blows Herself, a couple that I didn’t recognise and Piggy before spotting Brownie risking going off paper, because he didn’t want to follow trail to an inevitable false trail… He’d let Bambi do that instead! Of course we knew where the trail was going from here, so having let Bambi do the false trail, we then let him overtake up the steep climb to the ridge trail. As he past, I suggested it would probably be left at the top – knowing of course it could only be right. He took the bait and set off left, leaving Brownie to amble leisurely off to the right. When he decided he’d seen enough paper he gave the call and took off at a sprint!

Piggy was close by, so while we waited for Bambi to overtake again, I said, one more false trail, and then the ONIN. Sure enough, we were left with the steep descent and I hit trail just as Brownie and Bambi skipped back together looking sheepish. I took it as fast as I dared down the hill, but Bambi has no fear and sprinted past. As I past the ONIN I heard someone approaching, and without looking back I knew it had to be Angry Inch – the only other nutcase brave enough to risk a descent like that! I commented that I knew it was him, as he confidently said, I never trip unless someone trips me… Seconds later there was a loud noise, and a humble cry of “that was a slide, not a fall!”

Overall a great set.

11th November – CSH3 – HRA

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Rating: 9.0/10 (3 votes cast)

It’s been awhile since I’ve been hashing, but for various reasons I ended up headed down canal road with my 11 year old son “Terror Byte” to see what HRA had in store for us. The A site was up the road past the Sameong road football field. After a hare brief we were set off up the road… Not sure why we went up the road, rather than along the trail next to the road, but nevermind! We were promised powder, but for quite some way we didn’t get any – Terror Byte was up front flirting his youthful exuberance with Knock Out. Finally powder was spotted headed off to the right.

The first check was some distance into the run, but Terrorbyte was still leading, only to gamble wrong on a 50/50 chance. It was Brownie that called on from straight on. For the diligent reader there may be moments of “proud father” emerging from this write up. Yes, Brown Finger is back, and he isn’t “Round Finger”, he’s a lean mean running machine, prone to getting checks wrong, and before too long the universe was back in order. BF came back from a false trail, which had us befuddled for a while. TMB eagerly tested to the left, someone I didn’t know tested to the right – I mostly mingled and chatted.

I regretted that moments later after the call to the right, and I was stuck in a traffic jam as we ascended a creekbed steep up the hill. (The amnestic hare later had no recollection of the number of hills he forced us up). We climbed, we clambered, and when finally there was the call of circle check from the ridge, I broke off to the right and scrambled out of the traffic. Typically, the call was to the left, and I was back in a solid pack. The checks were working nicely and we were kept together as a big group.

We looped along the edge of the ridge line, and Graven took the lead. Another circle check, and with Graven checking straight TMB went down to the right. Silence from up ahead as Poo and someone else edged their way after Graven. Brownie and I pondered for a while before deciding Graven had surely gone far enough, and set off down the hill after TMB. She was coming back up, and finally the call from Poo – have I tuned out Graven’s calls? Did he call? Deep in our hearts we know the answer.

Finally the trail broke and we came down off the mountain, but I knew we were a long way from home. So far it actually reminded me of a utter fuck up that Klaus Barber set many years back, when he apologised for where he came out of the mountain. We were a long way from home! We had to turn a sharp right, and we did. But descending out of the forest, we came down a steep bank where we could see a circle check at the bottom – Turkish ahead went to the right (No way buddy!). Given the check visible, there was a large group that took our time navigating down the hill, discussing which way it might be. Most guessed left, but I had a hunch it would be straight on to the trail back up the hill. Damnit, how many hills would we have to climb???

Sure enough Cumalot called us on from straight on. And the a false trail. Meh. Of course we had to go back over the hill, but the hare wanted us to scramble up the shitty trail, rather than going up the perfectly good trail?? I’ve lost count of how many times trail has been set scrambling up there, when there is a perfectly good trail that cuts up to the ridge, and the perfectly good trail leaves options for decent checks at the top. There is no reason to scramble up the hill… – so I didn’t. I went up the decent trail, and met Brownie at the top as he was checking from the circle at the top. Of course it was back down to the left, and I rejoined the pack – which gained Leaky Faucet and Stumbling Dyke who appeared from completely the other side of the mountain – nice short cut guys!

Unfortunately the way down the hill wasn’t really headed in the right direction, and I knew that we would have to go back up again to get home – or maybe HRA had found a road option? At the bottom of the hill another circle that brought a lot of the pack together. Near the temple, there was much confusion with many of the FRBs headed towards the road. Those that did check correctly back up the hill didn’t call enough (MR. POO – from your GPS this means you!!!) so it was a while before the rest of the pack figured it out. The trail went back into the temple and back up the hill… I remember it clearly, because my 11 year old son Terror Byte was still in the pack – I checked my GPS, 4.5km in. The hare had promised 6k, so another 1.5k at least.

Yet another hill for sure… We went back up the same hill, only to turn around and come back down again, but still not quite in the right direction. Damn you hare! Another circle check had most of the hashers going left. I figured we had to go over another hill to get back, so hacked a trail out up the hill. I was with KO, and finally the call came from Blows Herself who had taken an alternative route. The hashers descended on the call. KO decided to follow me, rather than go back to the circle – she may have regretted it as we scrambled off trail back to the pack. From there we emerged and everyone knew where they were and the next 1km or so needed to get home… Or well most did…

I caught Turkish near the OnIn and we got back together not far off the front group. I grabbed a drink and showered off… Knowing my son wasn’t far behind. I went to stand at the corner, waiting for him to come up the road… It was starting to get dark. When I checked with HRA, he didn’t have a bike. Does Nothing and some other walkers came in, saying they hadn’t seen Terror Byte… I panicked… I headed back on trail screaming my sons name, wondering where the hell he was and what had happened to him. HRA stole a bike and came to help, whizzing past me saying that we haven’t ever lost anyone yet… – that wasn’t very reassuring… I must have gone a km or so back on trail – I found the bike HRA had stolen and left, and continued to hike after him. Complete indescribable fear running through me as I screamed his name. Words don’t exist to describe the emotions; fear, anger, terror… I just wanted to be at home with my sons.

It turns out Terror Byte had met up with Stumbling Dyke and Leaky Faucet on the trail. While their first short cut had been successful, their second wasn’t quite so… Terrorbyte had made the sensible decision to stay with the adults he knew (when they decided not to follow trail), and they decided to head to the road rather than head back into the hills as the light was fading. Sensible, rational decisions by almost everyone! Matty – sensibly stayed with people he knew. SD & LF sensibly decided to stick to the road when they had the option for a safe route back… Meanwhile Daddy Byte decided to run off backwards on trail wearing flip flops, without a flashlight, randomly screaming “Matty”. At least I took my phone, but didn’t answer it when Poo tried to call me…

For a hash run, the trail was great – challenging, some good checks kept the pack together for a long time. Perhaps given the hills, it may have been a little long – afterall a pickup brought in the walkers. Perhaps consider a beerstop next time?

30th Sept – CSH3 – Alice

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Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast)

As I left the OnOnOn today, I was advised that perhaps I need a longer holiday…

I was late – after I left home I remembered the run start has changed, so I was 10 mins or so late getting to the start. Lungla pointed me off, but in the wrong direction, so I hunted around for paper for a while. I got to a road, and random lady on bike pointed the way she had come – presumably I was looking lost, and there were other random people in that direction. I headed the way she said, and met the hare who confirmed that it was that way and that I was shortcutting – pretty impressive short cut as I hadn’t seen any trail yet!

To the temple, and up the temple steps – a hundred or so. I caught up with Does Nothing, Always On Top and Tip Toe and remembered there are no trails on this hill. ┬áThere are no trails on this hill… ┬áThe paper was marked heading into shitty shiggy, for 2.5km. I past Foxy who was struggling with the rocks. The trail went down off the side and out into the open and I got there with Cumalot & Shagless. A circle check that wasn’t kicked out. Great! We started checking, and I found paper going back into the shiggy mess. Long grass, no trail, just hacking our way through.

Finally I got out to decent trail and caught up with Obscene, KO and Poo. Not many checks, but finally a V-check that was already torn. I tried to call Poo back as he had gone straight, but he ignored me. I went up the hill to the right and hit a FT – who the f**k kicked the check out the wrong way?!?!

Perhaps I do need a longer holiday.

23rd Sept – CSH3 – Chuck Wao

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Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast)

At Huay Tung Thao – my old hunting ground! I figure I know all the options here, and I’ve even set a run with Chuckie here before, so shouldn’t be a problem to second guess him. Ha! The first thing I’d got wrong was which A-site he’d use – I thought he’d be up at the corner and use the trails towards the bottom of the hill, instead he used the car park at the bottom of the hill. From here we usually head up the running track a bit, but oh no – CW had something else in store and poked us through a barbed wire fence and a different way back down to the canal.

First check had to be left, and sure enough I spotted paper on the back of some trees. Setting a decent early pace I sped a few steps past the first false trail – not the last time I would see that ugly FT today. It was back and up into the cowboy farm, but a couple of FRBs milled around waiting for me to lead them up the hill – and lead them straight to another FT. Damnit! Now we were following Angry Inch through a bit of shiggy until it opened out, without a check. When we did hit a check, I was wrong, but it was difficult to find out where the call was coming from – people kept yelling “ON ON CALLED!” when stood at the circle – I know that, but which direction was it called from!? Turned out I wasn’t far away and got back to the leaders in time to screw the next check up again…

We had to be headed left, but we were in the army camp on some trails that weren’t 100% familiar. I knew roughly where we were, but it wasn’t as familiar as my original confidence. Sex Pistol was leading the way, and I finally got back to the front when she hit another one of the hare’s devious false trails. I got paper, but now we were on a trail that I definitely didn’t know – looked like a new off road quad bike trail weaving around. Another circle, and while straight seemed about the only option, I was convinced it was wrong. Weaving around a corner I was on, and had a little lead. The trail twisted back and forth like the quad bikers had been drunk and lost when they’d carved a path through the jungle. A big loop around and I came splashing back with the rest of the pack about 4m to my left. They all short cut across, every one of the lazy bastards!

Finally we got out onto a mainer trail and I knew exactly where I was, and exactly how to get home – I accelerated, and 5 steps later hit yet another false trail. MOFO! We ducked back across the running track and past the overgrown football field. Another circle check. I glanced at my watch, which was only registering 2.something?! It seemed further, but it wasn’t till I got back that I found it had somehow switched to miles rather than KM. It had to be left, so I headed to the left, but Piggy went even more left and called ONON. I stepped in behind and we started running along the nice trail that parallels the main running trail. Either Piggy kicked on a bit, or I was slowing down? The gap seemed to be growing behind me, and also in front.

When Piggy followed trail around to the left, I thought that kind of false trail wouldn’t trick me, and sure enough I finally got inside the hare’s head! I ran straight, and was back on paper, and back in the lead… I just needed to get to the corner of the running track, and then surely back down the hill for glory!!! Mother Fucking False Trail!!!! Nice work hare, nice work – I guess that is revenge for many years ago? Piggy caught back up and led the way through some shiggy to rejoin the track slightly closer to home and gleefully called ONIN! Good to see Diddly Squat making an appearance and running well at the front!

18th Sept – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Canal Rd footy field, plenty of great trails around there and plenty of old paper too, writes Alice. What would Poo do?
Well he messed us around on the footy side for the first part and as we came to the road some FRB yelled OnOn going up right and the pack followed towards the call but soon questioned lack of paper.
Continuing along the trail I found paper to the road and expected a circle or a switchback up towards the calls. Instead paper ran down the road to my left and across the bottom of the snakehead temple. Circle check. Mmm, the hare had appeared with powder in hand and smiling. Something was up!
Checking down to the left of the Wat approach I was sure I’d messed up but not for the last time today I was spot on. I did relieve myself in a bush without calling until the lizard was truly drained. This was duly noted by Chacky and regurgitated in the circle.
On trail again I came to another circle at the end of the flat ravine bottom.. The doi rose ahead and sideways. Likely trails left and a steep unknown one to the right. I chose right for bloody mindedness sake and it was steep. I was certain Poo hadn’t been up here and there was no sign of paper. Expecting the on call from way across left with a deep ravine to cross, I broke the tree line to check where I actually was. Blow me, behind the snakehead temple and there was paper ahead! I called and shook a leg.
That was the last most buggers saw of me as I put my best foot forward up into the doi and followed my own trail of a few weeks ago for the next 4 km more or less. At every check there was the chance Poo would change things, but he didn’t until a Km from the end. Right at the next circle, across the trail bike path, intersecting the ridge path and down to the valley. Here Poo could have gone right and around the south side but trail thankfully went left and so did I.
I was calling circle checks, on ons and occasionally heard shouts about 250m behind I guessed. My shirt was drenched and uncomfortable. I started feeling like the mist was descending. Would I do a Byte My Yahoo?
Poo went left at a junction where my path was right through forest but coming out of the familiar valley, he saved his best and sneakiest check. Running down towards my A bucket near Tin Tin, a circle check surprised me. I was sure it must be a False Trail but Poo hadn’t mentioned those. I reckoned he’d gone down and across the road and used HRA trails on the east side. Just before heading that way, I checked the path behind me and found an opening into tall grass. It wasn’t promising at all and shouts came from back on trail. Here my bid for glory was going to end. A blue pipe in the hugely overgrown property, let’s make sure….bollocks it was a blue pipe – but 10m on and low down was paper!
With energy renewed I managed to follow Poo’s winding trail in good time though familiar and a few unexpected ways.
Another switchback check and I was in the soft deep leaf gulley. Pushing on, I was on my own back to the A, voices fading behind well me. A last attempt to derail the Alice Express above the cockfight place. A circle to my right.. Was it down through the trees and the path along the big flooded quarry?
I thought about looking there for a moment, then pushed on straight and in my light headed state was chuffed to see those short, white paper strips.
Turning into the red gravel area there was a welcoming huge flour oN In and arrows. Poo looked carefully as I strode in then bemusement followed as minutes passed and no Chacky or Turkey or Piggy or Sheepy. After 5 minutes Pigshite ran in and Shrek appeared where others were expected. Turkey came home from his usual wrong direction and Sheepy was way later. That switchback check towards Tin Tin has done some sterling work and buggered the pack hollow.
Fine set from Poo, welcome home Angry and welcome again to Joel. Kai and Frozen brought up the rear and fielded raucous suggestions as to what they’d been doing with each other’s rears!

14th Sept – CH4 – Sex Pistol

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice

Sexy teamed up with the rain gods to set a challenging yet enjoyable wet wander around the scenic splendour back of Samoeng Rd footy field, writes Alice..
The hare brief was worrying, extra info about circles close to in trails and bars that we mustn’t run through. Plus a comment about Sheep Shagger being in the know about a certain section which may cause grief. Ye gods, Sheepy causes enough grief all on his lonesome. General consensus was “Gird yer loins pack!”
Not a big fan of yellow paper on foliage, and I think the hounds would concur. Double width would be helpful, 2cm max was a tad narrow and when soaked and curled…..tres difficile.
Off we went to the first circle and I ducked down a tiny path to the left while others hit the big trails. Get in!On on!
Soon I was crossing the wet and slippery bamboo bridge over the stream and thoughts turned longingly to Byte, Doggie and Belly.
Into the field with Poo but paper was already dashed tough to see when sodden. The next check was tough and the guardians of the circle didn’t call – or did too quietly. I came back from a small but tempting forest path to find a complete circle, no hashers and no clear sign which way to go. That was really the tale of this run especially towards the end.
Picking up tiny yellow fragments on the wet concrete I rejoined the pack in time for the fcuk up that Sheep Shagger was going to prevent. Wrong! Poo, Sheepy and Piggy ran through the washed out bar and started out on in trail in reverse. Classic!
The other two returned but Poo continued like a gamer all the way round the whole trail. Piggy got lost somewhere here, bits of paper, unclear and no sign of any bugger.
Fecking whole pack need to learn to shout properly Checking, On Called, On On etc or runners checking simply lose touch and patience. Too many lazy arses stand around checks, silently, then sidle off mutely when trail is found to the detriment of active checkers up shit creeks various. And some hurry off after others, neglecting to pull off the strips and link to trail. At ONE hidden check I ripped off the circle to put some visible paper at least on the path but Square Rooter wasn’t happy and talked as though ALL were thus dealt with.
Some checks were clear and facing, some weren’t. Paper wasn’t always dropped.. We wiggled around enjoyable grassy and muddy trails between orchards and farms then started to climb a long incline.
Tasty, Chacky, Sheepy were in the van with Blows working hard to check and keep up. ABB was ahead and silently popping in and out of view as I tried to see the strips. My yelled On Ons didn’t strike any chords with the Turkalike.
Once we were atop the hill, Blows and self pushed ahead and ran out the whole rest of the trail kicking out and marking a V and 3 or 4 circles that hadn’t been dealt with by the FRBs. TMB felt that Chacky was way ahead and making good choices. Sheepy was second but not signalling or calling to her so she never knew if he was on. Therefore checks remained intact as TMB was 100m away by the time she found paper and wasn’t running back alone to fix. Sheepy looked back a few times, only to judge his advantage from her so she thought.
It was annoying knowing there was a bunch ahead (3 not 4 as I thought) and not one of the last checks were kicked out or linked to trail. The last circle was a tricky back and in that I second guessed while Blows waited and looked straight up the road, her preferred route. On In and the last few hundred metres were on wet powder blobs.
Back at the A, TMB was forceful and Sheepy was well advised to remain, well Sheepish, and take the 5th! A small pack enjoyed a friendly circle and from Rooter, a belter of a This Day in History (first labotomy)and Quote of the Day (Martin Buber):All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware.

11th Sept – CH3 – Sheep Shagger

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

By Alice

Funny how some people think how others think, or think they know what others know.
Sheep Shagger set solo from the crem out back of the Samoeng Rd footy field and was pretty sure everyone knows where it is because he laid a trail there months ago.
Well the first three arrivals all missed turns or weren’t sure, mostly because the HHH weren’t ready when we arrived. TipToe careering past towards Samoeng as our hare
struggled to secure his sign while standing in front of it!
Today was auspicious. The Kwaz’s last Male hash run until he returns. Years he reckons. 6 months according to Mystic Frozen Dick.
The A has a belter of a shelter but weather was fair and off we were sent. Checks had sheep images but not always circles-and False Trails had sheep but no bars anywhere “and they’re obvious when you get there” according to the hare. Both had yellow paper to use. Clusterfcuk ahead methoughtat the brief. And yes, clusterfuck broke out
at the first of each as none of the FRBs could be certain what they were dealing with.
Eventually we traipsed up through an orchard on a little path as we headed upwards. After 2 strips, nothing. The farmer told Shrek he’d not touched any paper. He’d probably tell him his relations with animals are natural. Lying road had stripped probably 200m plus and we were fcuked again.
Luckily we could see paper high on a quarry wall top track. We headed in that direction after coming across a FT from the wrong way, then a circle in close order. Portents not good and receding.
Luckily things went far better from here on in. We jogged the high quarry trail and the circle at the end was straight on. Left and we were too soon back.
Nice running tracks were enjoyed all the way to a broken area that turned into forest. The pack had spread. I was with Kai then caught Pigshit and a couple of others.
Forest was thick enough but well marked. Out we came and right to a circle that had been dealt with but not clearly.
Here Sheepy linked various trails that I recognized from Shagless or Blows Herself sets. I was feeling ok and suddenly we were at a circle with the emerald rice vista ahead. The Turk was yompibg thru the field. A couple of others were making progress tight to the field’s edge. No surprise that I found paper on the extremity. Turkish knows the area so was taking the line of least variance as the mathematicians call it. Shortcuttingbastardoffpaper is the layman’s term.
We were not far out now and traipsing along a narrow dyke on the canal side of the beautiful field. The sun was low and the green was mesmerizing. I jogged past Cecile B deShrek and promptly tumbled as I stepped down a hole.
Soon we heard shouting ahead. ChuckWao and Poo had crossed the bridge and were checking on the tarmac beyond. On was called then cancelled. We all looked back over the west side, then everyone piled back over the bridge. The Turk had vanished.
On a whim I checked into the paddy again. After 60m a sneaky little white square low down and another and another! On on!
I jogged steadily on the dykes and jumped across to a concrete road then back onto grass and there was Sheep Shagger at the back entrance to the A!
Only Kwaz was back having headed up the hill right where
we’d lost paper and done his own thing off paper from thence.
Mid pack and walkers came in ahead of CW and Midder Poo, who’d taken another (peed off) farmer’s advice. Finally the Turk from the wrong direction and on road!
Kwazi was toasted in the circle and a few bog seats, cocks, silly hats were awarded to miscreants.
OnOnOn was a beef buffet at Eurodiner, many thanks to the hare for sponsoring and the GM and staff for hosting. Aroy mak mak.
Ps thoughts and prayers for Florida residents and property owners.

7th September – CH4 – Kwazi Moto

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice


I was stuck in hellish traffic with the minutes ticking away and Drama Queen riding pillion making life tricky to duck and dive through the melee. It was raining and I doubted we’d make it by 5.
Thankfully we fronted up just as Kwaz started his hare brief out front of Kwaz Mansion to a decent sized pack.
Trail was laid on chalk marks on posts, walls and tarmac, not all sizeable or easy to see but as long as the pack used their eyes and called, it mostly went pretty well.
Basically trail headed out and turned left back towards the Old City. A circle short of the moat went back on itself and soon we were running thru sois before heading east along the moat next to busy traffic ponking fumes.
I was mid pack, Tasty, Sexy and visitor Kim were in the van, Blows Herself and Dodgy Cock right up there. Softballs, Shagless and Sticky were shifting too and we headed into the far south west corner of the Old City.
I turned left at a junction and meandered down looking furiously for arrows. Looking, looking!
Why are you shouting Looking? There’s a circle at the junction! Shiite. An orange circle partially washed out had been missed by Alice and others. Sod’s Law the On On was that way and Sex Pistol called it. A Yank called out, ‘Wow! Is this the hash?!’ as we passed a shop. Great enthusiasm.
Poo and Blows Herself crossed the eastern ring road and found trail. Some of us headed over the footbridge, others played chicken with their lives.
Drama Queen was doing well and Piggy too, but Babe and Cougar and visitor Jamie were never far behind.
Trail ducked in to a wet, grassy open area next to a small football facility and we crossed a klong on a narrow double girder footbridge. Concrete here was slimy and slippery. The pack were bunched and people yelled out to be careful of slipping on the algae growth.
The trail came back to the ring road at the extreme SW corner and here it unraveled a tad. TMB, Poo and other turned right and ran off in a bunch. No one called. They were now too far away to hear anyway. Traffic noise was king. No calls. No signs. No teamwork. Not a look at us. We at the circle saw them go, stop, go again towards the big footbridge. I decided they were On On and marked the check accordingly with chalk. Suddenly one FRB was running across the bridge, one heading back, then all heading over. Wtf?
I reckoned they weren’t actually on and scribbled again on the check. Why the fcuk didn’t they spread out and relay call or sign?
They all followed my leader, bunched up and apparently none were on!
Suddenly Jamie picked up Shrek signalling OnOn from across the three lane highway with streams of vehicles piling by. We took our lives in our hands and made it across after minutes to find trail leading thru a park area and up, along and over a section of old, old city wall according to Kwaz. The up was muddy, steep and slippy and rather challenging.
Dropping down into a small residential area – with residents agog – we came out into a wide market area and lost trail. Luckily we knew where A was from here and a few hundred metres without arrows until they were picked up again leading towards the HHH sign at the turn to Kwaz’s moobaan. No On In was seen, so I helpfully chalked one on the trailer close the the A just before the last turn.
Kwaz got an ear bashing from TMB about paucity of markings and danger and I got one when I mentioned that her group ran bunched up without signalling from the last check on the West side! I felt it would have been more helpful to shout at the following runners to go back and sign that they were checking not on.
All in all a very decent 6.2 km city run. We should do 3 or 4 a year, maybe not in peak rush hour traffic and definitely not have checks requiring runners to cross 3 busy lanes of speeding traffic.
The pool helped cool runners down and late arrivals swelled our ranks to farewell the Kwaz. Kudos to the hare, Frozen Dick, Does Nothing, Squidgy Cock, TMB etc for their roles in a great barbq, replete with burgers and tube steaks, salads, desert and and and.
OnOn and fair winds and calm seas to you Kwaz!

4th September – CH3 – Frozen Dick

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

By Alice

We were running from Frozen’s investment property. It’s HIS area. He KNOWS all the trails. Yup, there’s only one certainty when all those factors are weighed up….Frozen will get lost and fcuk himself. Bingo! It happened yet again!
Frozen was pretty bushed pre run and explained he’d done 15km trying to set just the second half of the run. And got totally lost. And it was hot. And he didn’t have his GPS as he’d lost it. Sounded like the harbinger of doom was in top form!
With heavy heart, I set off wondering what dog’s dinner the upstate NYer would serve up. We turned right then left and suddenly were on a familiar trail to me, one near Pigshit’s lovely CH3 with Strangely Anal last fall. On on! I computed possibilities from here and felt quietly confident I’d recognise bits of trail at least.
Up we went round a property then a circle at a key spot. 4 ways and my nearest hashers didn’t realise where the could be headed.
Straight it was and we piled some the path. Suddenly the hare appeared on his bike to inform that the FRBs had run thru a checkback. About 8 of us had but were only 30m past so FD should have STFU and watched chaos then revelation. Anyway he pointed us back and we went up into to the doi on a little path totally new to me. Interesting!
We wiggled through the trees and up and down a bit then came down to an open area and circle. This check had us for a good few minutes before OnOn was called directly opposite and across the field. I’d gone right up Piggy’s return valley. Not the last time FD would fox me.
Lovely forest trails were enjoyed for minutes on end with some decent check options. We exited at another check. Poo went front left, I went right, knowing it was away from home but maybe a loop. The circle guarders didn’t yell loud enough and I continued checking and calling for a few minutes before I realised they were probably gone. Bastards.
Cutting across the big cambered field I caught up with the guilty, Does Nothing, Softballs, ABB etc by the next circle in the far left corner after two strips max. After a bit of forest the trail opened and I began to overtake the sinners.
Poo and Piggy were running steadily ahead as we came down a longish hill. I lengthened my stride from sparrow to blackbird and noticed the huge quarry left front and unmarked junction as the FRBs went right on paper. Mmm, suspicious. Piggy yelled Checkback as Poo had missed it and I turned down the straight inviting path west side of the quarry. Kwaz told me he’d have worked out it was really that way if he’d have seen no check only paper headed right. Hindsight? BS? We’ll never know!
Heading towards the wooded stream bed I scanned for paper in the creek or across the other side as our papered trail turned back on itself slightly. Kwaz demanded to know why I was off paper. I expected a False Trail call but the FRBs yelled Check.
Across the stream I checked the field and almost knew there had to be paper on the path at the far side. Kwaz was now checking closeby and as we hit the path, the On On call from away left. Fcuk, no paper! What had the hare done?
Suddenly we both saw powder! Had Frozen mentioned powder? No! We both investigated different spots of white. Yes, powder and new. We were on but which way?
I realised trail must go from the On call on paper towards us so ran the other way. Kwaz did the opposite but I shouted an explanation.
We were a few hundred metres ahead and I ran steadily back on powder with nary a rear glance until a huge clear powdered On In with arrow. This On In was as long as certain recent runs but I kept going with ten second rests and came home further infront of the pack than I expected. Confusingly, a powder arrow pointed the wrong way just before the last turn – a classic counter espionage technique!
Back at the A, Frozen explained that HRA had saved his bacon, located him in the forest part and perhaps assisted in the second section of the run. What a spiffing effort, top trails and good checks, well marked. A run that promised little from the hare brief, but delivered big time. Kudos Frozen and helpful elf HRA!
P.s. Welcome Kai, our newest member of CH3 and nice suggestion ABB for a truly Germanic Hash Handle- Scheissenhausen. Achtung baby!