Category Archives: CH3 – Write Ups

16th April – CH3 – Alice & Emma Royde

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By Alice

—-
The pre-monsoon storms are a-threatening so a shelter at the Crem 8.5km down Canal Rd was selected by Alice as CH3 means no Thai ladies to whinge about ghosts. Going on the premise that a decent shelter holds off the rain, but no shelter mandates it, plus ample parking and toilets, the site coyly purred pick me, pick me!
All drivers and even Tiptoe located it fine but the songthao sped past down the new road extension ignoring the HHH and the evidence of Crem, cars and another downwards HHH. LungLa obviously doing his best Burrito Butt impression and navigator Square Rooter his best HRA impression.
Just before the run, Superman was seen to be running back to his car, actually running, maybe he’s like one of those disability claimants who get secretly filmed reffing football matches or playing golf after milking the state for 10 years of financial sympathy. Just maybe he retired from the FRB group
a decade too soon?
Tiptoe definitely was in no fit state to run, having been run over by a drunk Thai and hospitalised. His legs all bandaged and still oozing blood, but what a beer monster, present and correct, on time and ready to serve the hash. Puts Purple Fart – Hey Does Nothing, it looks like it may rain, are you still going? to eternal shame. Semper fi my arse!
Miss Royde took the hare brief and learnt what inattentive cusses some can be. White paper dipped in blue royal blood, Yellow/orange walkers cut out, trail headed out that way, there was no need for gaters and off they went. But not very far. The first check kept the pack running ‘up their own clackers’ © ChuckWao as the gaters remark prompted Graven to drawl that it can’t be that way, indicating a broken scrub field with paper just 100m away. So they milled around and then some more and finally OnOn was called after an age.
Emma was sweeping the pack it seems, running just behind and observing every false move and fcuk up with interest. Trail headed towards the forest but turned right at the huge flooded quarry, dimpled with rain, as the wild wind whipped up a frenzy. A circle could have cut left alongside the quarry but went straight along its long side. A walkers’ split off continued straight as the runners turned right between copse and agriculture. Trail followed wide paths around the fenced off new property divisions then ducked right at a V into scrub and a recently cleared field. Here the plot thickens. A circle on a tree on the far side had the pack lumping around in an enclosed orchard with no exit or paper. Walkers were amongst runners here so they all got caught up. True trail started to the left on the tree lined division from the adjacent field but was missed so the FRBs eventually ŵent further and further past paper through the next field and found trail on the track heading back towards the quarry. The pack missed about 600m and two checks but no game changer.
Trail ducked right into burnt forest and remnants of full moon shreddy were strewn soon seen. The walkers had cut infront of the runners here and Turkey – wtf he took the walkers option? – got his just rewards as checking circles with Does Nothing became a nightmare as the errant Cloggy showed his lack of nous and came back to a previous circle complaining he couldn’t find paper off the subsequent one! This messed up the Turk’s best laid plans and made Alice very happy.
Around the top of a massive orchard and leg back towards Canal Rd. Some had the internal GPS working done didn’t. A well set V had sups and Purpke Fart walking thru the bar as Sups was sure he could box it and get back on trail. Was strange to do a scooter beer stop and see these two reprobates wandering together on the wrong side of a large property, deep in conversation like Fagin and Oliver, way off paper…
Walkers and FRBs appeared in short order and the kerfuffle made Sups and PF change tack and reverse in for a wee refreshment. Strangely, sweating like a racehorse, bounced in, hardly a sign of his chipped toe. Pussy Whisperer was thankful for a mouthful but the Turk was dismissive of the two finger shot offered. Cartoon huffed and puffed and ignored the proffered ale. SheepShagger begged for a lift home then took himself off as Alice packed up the beer stop accoutrements. Chucky came labouring down the track having chosen various attractive options which all turned into FTs and checkbacks.
Almost all were back by 55 mins and rehydration proceeded. Frozen Dick hiked his own trail but in true fashion messed up some idiots who bought into his ‘this is my area, I know everything here’. As the leader of the free world would tweet, ‘Mission accomplished.’ But who does one believe, the fake blond with the big tits, or Stormy Daniels?
OnOn CH3!

2nd April – CH3 – Strangely Anal & Alice

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(By Strangely Anal)

Airplane Dump CH3 Strangely Anal & Alice
Towards Doi Suket 2 nd Apri
They came. They saw. They faltered.
It was evident from the start of the hare-brief
that it was all going to go calamitously wrong.
Despite Strangely’s appeal for attention, in retrospect,
this was clearly too much to ask of a bunch of
Hashers. While endeavouring to impart essential
Information regarding one or two ObstArckles on trail,
Most of the lame brains were engaged in such frivolous
matters such as, Do we get a free T Shirt?
or, does anyone know where they might find a good soapy for
Less than 500bht ? Graven was at his disruptive best.
Strange folk indeed.
The run was a B to A. This announcement was met with
the warm welcome of a death sentence. Grown men thrown helplessly
off balance, stumbling around in circles, is indeed a sight to behold.
However, Strangely, mostly abetted by that stalwart, Alice
had a cunning plan in hand and without further ado the
larger than expected gang were bundled back into the Songtaew
and into Cartoon’s very nice and nearly new, and still shiny pick-up,
and transported (they should have been)
to the start of the run.
Having bade them a not so fond farewell the vehicles
returned to the A site, to await the disaster about to befall.
The run itself was “friendly” with two short pieces of mild shiggy,
and one short but delicate ladder bridge that was designed
To carry an irrigation pipe across a small stream.

On the far side of the stream was a petrol driven pumping machine,
about the size of a small yacht. You had to step round it, over it, or through it.
Graven Image said after the race “I didn't see no pump ”
Worrying. Very worrying.
These ObstArckles aside, the trail was mostly flat and well marked.
Spurious and slanderous allegations that paper was missing
at some of the checks were treated with the contempt they deserved.
Very noticeably missing were severe Square Router type cliff faces.
Neither were there leaf littered surfaces concealing perils beneath.
All in all, a joy to run. You would have thought!
First man in was Angry. Now Angry is a fine runner.
He will boldly tumble where no man has tumbled before.
But with a field strewn with reliable frb's, the first man in was probably
Not going to be Angry. In his defence he did rather guiltily mutter
“I may have shortcutted. A bit” He was not alone.
The trail that led over a concrete low bridge and then left
on the path to a False Trail meant that you had to
return to the main trail and pick up the correct on on.
However this is where it all got messy. Half the pack
just crossed the bridge, turned right and headed for home.
Or they ignored the marked trail across the bridge and carried
Straight on along the path that lead to the on on. Didn’t you TinkerDoo?
There’s no point coming in and pleading ignorance.
Hats off to the rest of the guys, Brownie, Sloppy, Chuckie, Graven, Cartoon
And anyone else who came in over the wide bamboo bridge and who did the full trail,
enjoyed it and came in smiling. That's what hashing should be all about.
Smiling. On On On at Mad Dog. Much beer consumed. Went home pissed.
Very,Very pissed. Perhaps That's what hashing is really all about. ?

26th March – CH3 – Alice et. al.

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Courtesy Belly Dancer

Safe to return to CNX in the knowledge Gasman has f*****d off to Pattaya and despite not sleeping for 3 nights (make that 4 now), knowing Krap Thai was teaming up with Alice, I headed out to what could have been a very tough run indeed.

As it turns out pro-Hare Alice had enlisted assistance from his own Gang of 4! Alit, Krappy, Shrek and Blows Herself!! Well with that mush skill put to work, should be great eh?! Coming from 6’C to 36’C and the air a tad polluted was a small shock to the system, but Alice was kind enough to hint on way(s) to survive his run – the only bit I could remember was pink – up shiggy to ridge.

Hare brief over – On Out we headed down the canal – Brownie and Cartoon let me have 200m of FRB glory and then into a rabid dog infested trail which Hemorrhoid entertainingly took an evasive dive to earn the Crash. The trails was well marked with greenish-white strips – lucky for Alice everything is so brown and parched – the strips were visible!

The first 1.4km was pretty good, with the checks keeping us reasonably together and the welcome sight of the pink paper loomed while the noise was coming from the nasty looking ridge to the right – some clever little back checks to keep Does Nothing occupied and then the ‘shiggy to the ridge’ – hummm I was over heating/knackered by this point despite being (amazingly) at the front. I knew that was it for me – so up the Bellyesque slope we trudged – I lingered back just in case Does Nothing again hit a check-back. Of course the down hill was abominable with everyone over taking me – leaving Tip Toe and me to figure out which of Alice’s paper to follow.

Apologies to Tip Toe for guessing wrong and adding another 1km to the (5.5km) run because I followed old paper – but never mind we survived! Thanks to Alice and his ‘gang’ for a decent run and good to be back to hashing with CH3!

GM Graven Image led a game circle and male hashing notched up Turkish Delights 200th Run & the Wings!

OnOn
(Insomniac Belly Dancer)

19th March – CH3 – ABB & Cumlord

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Rating: 9.3/10 (3 votes cast)

By Alice

The Admiral and the Lord of Cum combined to good effect in Mae Jo setting an excellent runners’ run from the square lake. True, the number of hashers outnumbered the checks and true, the run directions neglected to drop a pin for the woollyback devotees.
The air wasn’t great and in many places the forest was sparse and burnt. The trails were very runnable with soft sand and dirt along much of the course thus allowing your humble scribe to find an obtrusive stone and turn his fff left ankle again.
The drive in was a tad fraught with one main sign on a key turn half hidden ans then SheepShagger came driving back against me in high dudgeon shouting th and that. If he’d seen the sign on the left to the square lake he would have been happier and I’d not have been traduced.
We got there just in time for the circle and soon we were off heading towards the road. A tricky check had everyone foxed, I checked back and left about 40m given the circle was 60m further down. As Does Nothing said if I’d checked 42m I’d have found paper! This messed the whole pack up for a few more minutes.
Sheepy and Browny seemed to be doing FRB duties and each register under 10 dB. As the pack passed me, I relaxed into a walking, jogging, walking rhythm that kept me going in the humid and oxygen light air.
The trial was basically familiar but until we were 1km from home I wasn’t sure exactly how it all linked up, just that I knew the trails from before and even remembered the placing of checks.
One annoying thing that the hares did was get to a junction and throw some paper down the wrong route. Just one clump but it did its job.
After about 4 km I recognised a split in the main trail and Sheepy found a circle down the left fork. I sensed home was straight so continued. I was running ok although the osteo arthritis in the right foot seems to kick in about this point regularly and today was no exception.
Angry Inch came barrelling in from the right about now. Wtf he was doing there I have no idea and nor I believe does he. Towards the end we ran down a hill ans turned left towards the A bucket. Graven appeared shirtless and asked if we’d seen the On In? I hadn’t, so presume trail had lurched right.
Back at the A it was sweaty Betty time and a well deserved run down and rest.
A lovely trail to run, although perhaps not enough surprises and basic checks to retard the FRBs who are retarded enough in their own right.
OnOnoOn at 2gether Bar where the skinny waitress with tiny shorts will live longer in the memory than the food, which was fine!

CH3 Outstation – Graven Image

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Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast)

By Alice


Graven and Anal Vice stand in Angry Inch set a tough outstation run in Pattaya for the vacationers from ChiangMai and an equal number of local hashmen, true and staunch.

The crowd assembled at some Aussie bar and familiar faces from my Pattaya hashes in years
gone by revealed themselves, even if I couldn’t recall many names: Reargunner, Jello Butt, Ass Bandit to name but three.

Superman and the super wide Superboy fronted up with the lanky Redundant Semen plus cigarettes in tow. It was onto the baht bus and a rattling hour or so to the A.

Graven produced some very eye catching CH3 commemorative polo shirts featuring a direct quote from Chuck Wao:My level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity. I say!

First leg was a tough 11 km with trail marked in small playing card size paper printed with a grey graven image on. The picture wasn’t entirely clear and looked like a strange beast buggering a horse, so it was pretty apt I guess.

The hares, according the local pundits, had done a good job and set trail in different directions to what local hares would do. They knew where the trail was heading but not how our CH3 boys would get there.

Most notable on this leg were a steep climb thru long grass and over rocks that went on. And on. We also had a tricky check on the side of a steep hill of rubber trees. Then we had a section where paper was removed and the FRBs continued 300m to find paper but no body shouted back to us looking elsewhere!

After a tricky loop back on paper to another check, mid pack were confused by paper seemingly going two directions and On and check calls coming from different places.

Alice found trail and then a FT. On was called way back in the woods but luckily my eagle eyes spotted three FRBs running across a field behind a wall 400m away so ran thru the FT to join up in short order. Runners behind were confused as they espied the FT. Some followed me, some looped thru the woods. More fool them.

Back in the big ploughed tapioca field, the FRBs, Jello, Chucky and a.n.other had left the immediate check intact. Alas they did so for the next three, all running together as the locals ‘knew’ where it must go.
No check guarding or spreading out. No calling. Although Chucky swears to differ.

The tapioca fields went on and on and the trail inbetween was runnable. After the climb, it was pleasant to run on rutted flattish track. Here the flies descended and every man probably laughed at the hundreds of the critters on the head/hat/back/pack of the man in front, little realizing he was also so festooned.

Finally the hares appeared on trail, beer was near! After a welcome pitstop of water and fruit it was off on the last 4-5km with Jello Butt fcuking up most checks and running off paper the memorable feature. Chucky can be trusted on this point of fact.

Terrain was uneven and broken, we went thru tapioca fields and some shiggy before hitting a big road, crossing and then more tapioca fields.
The FRBs and paper disappeared behind a building and all was quiet.

Suddenly I saw coloured shirts running across my front way on the other side of another tapioca field and ran from ridge to ridge across the wide expanse and there was the A site, a few hundred meters to the left.

All in I clocked up 11km but FRBs may have done 12km or should have done. The rain after the set didn’t help our valiant hares but overall they did a sterling job and it was extremely refreshing to meet and mingle with Pattaya men.
OnOnOn at M Club? shall remain cloudy for various reasons, although the portions were fabulous and succulent. The pizzas I mean.
Onon,
Alice

22nd Jan – CH3 – Pussy Whisperer

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Rating: 8.8/10 (4 votes cast)

Mae Jo H3 convened for the 7th time in ten runs in….Mae Jo! But this time the hare had a surprise or two for us. A new A site! And yellow and black HHH signs that totally confused the beer monster who drove on auto pilot to the dam. D’Oh! Infact they were well placed but prove tricky to see if you’re looking for red on white. Alice did his Joan of Arc impression and biked back to the road to fetch the errant Tiptoe and bring him in.
The run was a real challenge, varied and all in all a proper CH3. Qudos to the hare and his paper person!
Early on in the piece Piggy went down a rabbit hole and luckily didn’t snap his trotter. He swore Brownie put the shoulder into him but thankfully was up and running straightaway. After the field we headed for the forest and I checked left at Graven’s suggestion. Always a recipe for tears. We wove deeper into the woods and hills and one circle at a ravine stood out. Alice, Graven, possibly Strangely and Cameltoe checked left while OnOn was called from within the ravine I think. Our trail looked too good to leave and both GI and self reckoned it might continue and turn right linking up with true trail and save us the pain of reversing and he Shiggy ravine. Strangely went back to the call, Cameltoe followed us incredulous. And with good reason as we swept around to head the pack off as they emerged from the depths onto our lovely running trail behind us.
Next major issue was a hill. It was steep. And very rocky. Paper was clear and left up the worst incline. Decent rocky trail went right. Broken easier trail straight up. Graven checked right in case of a False Trail while Alice clambered straight. Strangely followed paper up the worst of it. At the top a lovely cross path and a straight on option which apparently dropped down into nasty stuff. Alas OnOn was called left on old cream paper and everyone scrambled across. Apart from Graven who silently continued right found paper and continued on in Turkey alike mode.
Up and down, round and round we went, stony paths, steep paths, sandy trails, more stones and roots, onwards until we came to a very steep hillside with colourful elephants browsing contentedly in the forest above. The pachyderms turned out to be Sups, Tiptoe and Frozen. Cartoon does his imbecile impression and follows Frozen off paper up the steepest section. Wtf you doing? I enquire of the Frozen one. Traversing! is his reply. In a straight line up, mmm, funny traverse.
Back on walkable/ runnable trail we hit the familiar hill in these parts and start to career down.
A circle is kicked out straight and a gaggle of FRBs mill around 200m down the track. They’d found cream paper and OLD PW paper. Then it ended. They seemed confused but it was obvious. This is not today’s trail paper. Go back to circle and check the only other MAIN path off. Bingo!
Cartoon and Cameltoe found trail, we relaid the link and were off again. We being Alice, Strangely, Cartoon, Cameltoe, ABB and Bonesmoker and that was it. Everyone else, taking their cue from Browny’s confusion and Graven’s insider knowledge, just ran off trail and shortcutted back to the A.
A Falsie got Cameltoe and I explained why we need to take off paper to mark true trail to help those behind. He was bouncing along in fast spurts and Strangely was eating up the yardage in front. Suddenly paper two ways but left was again old PW strips, slightly grubby and discoloured.
Eventually emerging by the square lake to find Graven barking about FRBs over there or something unhelpful, trail went off the south west corner and soon we came on On In in powder and a longish uphill yomp home.
Top set, tough and hugely enjoyable. Especially as Pussy said we were his heroes for returning on trail!

15th Jan – CH3 – Softballs

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Rating: 8.0/10 (3 votes cast)

(By Alice)

After Thursday’s run, I was keen to see if Softballs had been advised how we set checks and if he’d vary the trail or change it much. No and yes.
On the good side, he’d scouted again and set a well balanced run both sides of the road and including some new territory for me.
On the negative side, his mentor had neglected to inform him that Vs require paper marking 2 trails, one to a Checkback and one which continues; and circles don’t have more than one trail marked at 60-100m one of which goes to a False Trail sign after 150-250m. A classic mix of walker, newbie hare and alternative hash procedures..
Actually I don’t care if he marks like that but the hare has to TELL the pack because it’s not our regular way. I do care when the mentor tries to override me asking the hare to EXPLAIN his markings. Showing us signs we all know doesn’t help any, unless he explains how he’s marked it and how they work.
It also didn’t help that there were NO HHH signs anywhere when I, Tiptoe and AnalVice rocked up off the Mae Jo Rd. Tiptoe was waiting in high dudgeon yelling at me there were no fff signs! I felt his anguish. AnalVice was parked down a turning having explored all the way to the dam. He did find TWO ON IN sings which is one less than last run, but they were pointing in different directions. Christ O’Reilley.
About 4:20 the hare arrives at the shelter to the RIGHT of the road and affixes HHH. He’s about 30 minutes too late. Luckily he put HHH on the second U turn a few minutes before the songthaeo rocked up. Obviously the mentor also neglected to inform him about timely setting of HHH. The devil is in the detail but these are easy do’s if advised properly.
Softballs paper on trail is clear and properly sized, facing the right way, as are his few checks. Last run had 3 checks I think and we maybe had 5 this run? Let the runners run, indeed.
At one point we hit a circle, after nearly half the run, perhaps our first? Brownfinger and Alice traipsed up the hill towards obvious paper at 60m. Pretty sus. OnOn was called straight along from the check so BF returned to that trail.
Alice followed paper into the forest for a very good 100m before a very clear FT but no bar. Throwing caution to the winds he yomped up and over the forested ridge to intercept trail on the other side. Result. A flash of Browny thru the trees and Mr Poo jogging along. Nice being back in contact after a few 100m forest silence.
Emma Roide made the early running and the middle running and the end running. We have a new addition to the FRB ranks! Usual FRB Scooby was suffering some illness so took the W option and appeared on the road for the long Tarmac last km. I had 6.9km and others around 7.2km. Quality trail, just get the HHH up in time and set standard checks – or explain hare’s version thereof. And Superman turned up late into proceedings with the usual guff about poor signage – also pulling out that excuse for the BB – and Graven was having none of that tosh!

8th Jan – CH3 – Strangely Anal

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

By Alice (the co-hare)

A new A site with flat, interesting 5.5km run featuring bamboo bridge, canal crossings and the amazing features of jet airliners on blocks with run directions vetted by Byte. What could go wrong? Turkey. That’s what could go wrong.

The pack arrived by songthao after Anal Vice and Cartoon in their trucks. Shagless, Brownfinger and Frozen bike it in. All good so far. Then….my phone rings.

A distraught Turkey is calling from his car saying that the fcuking directions are wrong and he’s somewhere it seems near Lamphun.

Instead of just relaxing and laughing at world class ineptitude, I get stressed and pissed off. Retard 8 year olds I dealt with better for 30 years. I call him back and explain yet again. Take your 1317 out past Promenada. YOUR road to your SKP resort. Just like it says on the email.

A barrage of frantic complaints about junctions and no HHH signs on the Superhighway come my way in return. I inhale deeply and make a mental note to become a drinking co-hare for the night.

This is after Tiptoe complained bitterly there were no distances in the email – there were – and Frozen said there was only a sign AFTER the turn – there was one 100m before on the left and one at the turn. Working with children and animals is actually easier.

Strangely briefs the pack and its powder for the lads with bits of paper where it was overgrown and shiggy. A short, flat run out seems to be just the ticket after Saturday’s ball breaker.
Off they went along the road at the start of their roughly clockwise circuit. Hares Alice and Strangely see Scooby run towards the big plane and the powder checkback after the initial loop. He sees the bar from the bridge and reverses.

We jump my scooter and cross the bridge, pass the plane and wait behind jet engines and fuselage sections as the walkers pass to our left and the FRBs, already across the bamboo bridge, tear down the far side of the canal, Scooby, Browny and Semen Soars in the van.

Later, I heard that on the field loop, Semen spotted powder across the canal on the lake loop and climbed past the big gate and over the pylon bridge to shortcut, with three miscreants following. Strangely had mentioned this potential opportunity while setting and I’d replied that if anyone does, they’re welcome as it wasn’t an attractive or easy proposition.

Once the pack were away checking and shouting in the distance somewhere near the little concrete hut across the canal, we set the ON IN. Suddenly a fidgety figure in white with multiple injection punctures in his knee and shoulders, appeared at the metal canal crossing. Someone who’d been told by Lungla to go out in the completely opposite direction and follow the 6ft arrow on the road Strangely had so helpfully left for him. Someone told me he was scared to go on motorbikes but jumped on giggling and nervous to be taken half a click towards the bamboo bridge.
“Slow down Alice!” someone implored as the bike sped at 5kph over the gravel track.

Strangely returned to base while I waited to take pics of the returning pack running past the huge partially dismembered jet. I was a tad concerned they’d ace the run and estimated 45 min at best. As the minutes ticked by I relaxed and knew it’d be around 50 min for FRBs, by the time I espied Browny and Scooby through the foliage. They speeded up and crossed the ON IN in perfect unison, moving, breathing, singing out together like Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber.

As the runners returned most were fascinated by the jet, apart from Poo who I’m not sure saw it. Shagless climbed the gangtry without a safety harness, tut tut, to get a look in the nose section.

Circle was disturbed by a patriotic song and yabbering commentary that continued for a few annoying minutes at 6pm. It was worse than Graven renegotiating the out station!

We heard that the pack considered the checks were varied and kept the lead changing. The circle on the Monet bridge was tough as they had to go back, cross the canal on sandbags and choose one of two overgrown paths. Graven swore it was 130m til he found paper but he was outed for short checking recently so I’m taking that with a pinch of salt. Browny informed me that the False Trail back across the weir coming back was an obvious no no but someone did go over to find the bar and FT in the abandoned building.

OnOnOn at Billy’s was a well attended and liquid affair. Italian nosh and banter. Well done Strangely! First of many I hope.

6th January – CH3 – Alice (Ball Breaker)

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Rating: 7.7/10 (3 votes cast)

Setting a ballbreaker isn’t easy – it takes a LOT of work, both in scouting and in managing logistics – it takes a deal of work to pull it off, and the hares pulled it off, so great job! I had 17.3km in around 3 hours, including 470m elevation gain. By the end I was happy to finish and have a beer.

The A-site was the Country Cabin near Doi Saket – a great little restaurant that I’ve many times sat reading a book and passing the afternoon away. We showed up, and waited for the rest to appear, listening attentively for any hints the hares might inadvertently give away. And boy were there hares!!! Alice, Blows Herself, Mr. Poo, Foxy Cleopatra, Burritto Butt, perhaps even Strangely Anal? How many cooks does it take to perfect the broth?

I know this area – it’s my backyard – I’d even made a prediction about which hill it would be – I was wrong… But when the songthaew dropped us off, I had a pretty good idea, and my heart sank just a little. We started off not far from Wangtarn Resort, heading towards the high mountains. Suckit must be close to 60 now, but I remember around his 50th we did a 50k from Wangtarn resort, and BF, GI and I pieced together a bit of a connection there. I was holding back trying to stick with my philosophy of staying with the front of the pack while putting in the minimal effort.

The trail came out onto the tarmac road, and for some insane reason hashers seemed to scatter down the hill? Angry Inch lead the way up the road, and I followed gingerly. Please not this hill, please not again, the nightmares are still coming… Sure enough Angry called ONON, and the ascent was on. We past the abandoned house where the Ballbreaker started 5 years ago, and from here the ascent is quite brutal. Gorf skipped by as though he hadn’t realised he was setting off on a Ball Breaker, under the impression he was just on a 5k park run. A V-Check, and for me turning left was a 0% chance – it might look tempting, but a sharp pain to my ribs reminds me of a fall I took in that dark gully. Memories were leading me up this hill – unlike most of the rest of the pack, I knew the torture of the climb, and I could also predict where the hare would let us free.

Gorf jogged up next to me like a freak of nature. Does he not appreciate that we are going up? A circle… Strange place for it, I only know one option to keep going. Gorf must have gone 98yards before giving up and dancing back. I could have encouraged him to check somewhere else, but I didn’t have the energy, so we carried on to the inevitable paper. Up to a little ridge, with a great view. The hares had even placed the paper to lead us to enjoy the view before heading back to the left of a hill. So far we were on the trail I’d set 5 years back with Shagless – I’d spent nearly 300km and many many hours all over this mountain. I was confident I knew every possibility, but the trail carried on following the way Shagless and I had set. Finally Gorf came running back and normalcy returned as we headed back down the hill – perhaps even more slowly that we’d gone up it.

I knew this trail was there, but for a bit I was on new ground, and while the descent was dodgy, when we hit the bottom there was a good check, and then some great running trails. A few more checks would have perhaps let the rest of the pack stay close, but there was a good pack of FRBs turning over the lead at the front. I was doing a good job of staying amongst them with little effort – such as when GI and I called a clear false trail off to the left, and got a head start along the main trail. We emerged into the valley where the dogs home is, and it was long before one of the FRBs disturbed them while checking a circle. Scooby Doo led us on true trail around the edge of the field, between the two small lakes and to a circle check. We’d been promised 7-8km on the first leg, and we were short of that – heading out to the road now couldn’t be right, so I helped Brownie check off to the left, while Sloppy lucked out to the right and out to the road. We could see the first beer stop waiting for us not far along the canal, and a race emerged in front of me for winning to the beerstop – I think Sloppy got it from his raised fist pumps. I walked in and as I was carrying my own water I carried on not wanting my legs to seize up…

The trail turned back to the mountains, and I edged along fully expecting a trick – perhaps a sneaky false trail? THe path leads to a gate which is always locked and impenetrable. Today it was locked, but the hares had found a way of getting past it – interesting! I walked along waiting for the pack to catch me. Perhaps they were enjoying the water / snacks, or probably the beer. Finally I got to a circle check, and somewhere behind I heard TMB calling “RU?” I had a very clear idea of where the trail was likely to go, and quickly called ONON. There was a fallen tree blocking the trail, which was a little confusing, and held the pack up a bit behind. I was excited about the next check though, as I really love the hidden trail off to the right – I can only imagine the hares excitement the first time they found it… As I approached the circle I heard someone calling checking from up ahead. That someone sounded a lot like Frozen Dick… And looked a lot like Frozen Dick when I got to him. No idea how long he’d been poking around for it, but I helped him out.

I like these trails – I’ve set them, but this was the first time I’ve been able to run them on a hash. “Run” is maybe not the right word, as it was a while before we could actually get running. The pace was pedestrian as we all were cagey about putting too much effort in. We emerged from the hill shoulder and down the trail. A circle check as Gorf caught me again. I carried on, and where once there was a small wooden house, today there was a bustling collection of wooden houses, a plethora of children, and a school of aggressive dogs. I got a stick to fend off the dogs… The kids were clearly on my side – friendly, happy, and much more aggressive when it came to hurling lumps of mud at the dogs. I had a chat with them about white paper. One pointed me in one direction, and then was scolded by his friends as they pointed me onwards. I knew I was more than 100m from the check, but there were a few strips of paper on the ground, and the evidence suggested paper had been torn down. I was on trail and bellowed ONON back, which surely Gorf heard otherwise that check might be difficult!

I carried on and sure enough at the next circle, Gorf wasn’t far behind. I turned right, confidently, and happy this time there were no bees. Of course we wouldn’t be going up the hill to the right, so as I had a bit of time, I found a nice stick to prepare myself for the next pack of dogs. Gorf caught me as we passed the trail off to the right – playing the percentages I was tempted to head that way, or at least as the ladies that were stood around, but as I was up front I did the decent thing and jogged(ish) to the FT. I turned back a lot quicker than Gorf and sure enough we were heading off back dangerously close towards where we’d been before.

Here the pack started passing me. There was a chance of another FT up front, and there was a way to cut down the field to the left, but nope. Further ahead there was a cross junction, and surely there we had to turn left – otherwise trail was getting close. Sloppy and I headed left, but finally Gorf called it straight on. Ugh. I had made a mistake. By now the FRB pack was well established, and sticking together as a group – sure we’d lost the walkers, but the checks were good enough to keep a sizable group together, and keep turning over the lead. I was slipping backwards though, but was surprised when Graven suddenly appeared, and passed me somewhat similar to Marvin in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

We got back to the road, just 100m or so away from the first beer stop. This time I got a beer. I was still wary about stopping – as I write this, I am looking at my anti inflammatories, and hoping I can move my knee tomorrow! I kept on going and promptly got the circle check wrong. The 2nd beer stop was at a small shelter I’d set a male hash run from a couple of years back, and I set off on the way I’d set the run. Today we ended up in the same spot, but Alice used a nicer route to get there. I walked along, enjoying my beer.

Somehow I caught up again as they were spread out looking for a solution to a false trail. A big sign on the gate saying NO ENTRY (or something like that in Thai), was scaring people off. My mind drifted back to the day I spent 2+ hours trying to find a way to avoid this property, hitting deadend after deadend, before sneaking around the edge, only to meet the nicest, kindest English gentleman you could imagine. I had no qualms going through the gate, and happily waved at his wife today – seriously, this property is gorgeous, and the owner is a star. I didn’t see him today, but I recall him welcoming me onto his land in the past saying “We are but custodians of this land, you are very welcome to enjoy it!”. The traditional wooden houses are great, the land well maintained, and the walk across the grounds through the water buffalo and peacocks out to the ricefields is beautiful.

TMB and Brownie led the way along the trail through the ricefields, and we were starting to get to more familiar Alice area. He’d set runs here, and I remember him finding some connects to abandoned moobaans. I never switched out of minimal effort mode, just trying to plod along. Every time there was a slight incline my legs screamed at me. Every time there was a slight decline my legs screamed “NO!”. I was doing ok… I was comfortable… I was going to finish.

The pack rejoined to solve a false trail. There was an interesting shift in philosophy here… Normally when we have a problem to solve, we are fairly combative – we spread out as individuals, wanting to be the winner who solves it. By now, we were resigned, a team created by our group experience. Almost to the point of sitting down to discuss our options. We all checked one way down the road, then we all went another, discussing what might be possible, because most of us were reluctant to risk being badly wrong. I suspect in the end, paper was taken down and not left at all helpfully for those who followed. The collective exhaustion perhaps.

A bit later the front runners managed to run straight through a sharp left that just led to a false trail. They were clean away while a pack grew behind them. We had to be getting close to the end… I hadn’t seen NOYB since the start, so I was confident he wouldn’t catch me, so I was satisfied. Knock Out passed and I thought – no problem, I can be beaten by a girl (TMB didn’t count she was already ahead). Then Able Semen passed… – ok no problem, I guess I can be beaten by a kid – but he better be signed by a premier league club so I have a story to tell my grandkids!

Then all of a sudden we were all back together. A circle check, and the shortcutting FRBs were caught by the rest of us. Out of nowhere Graven darted down a hole in the hedge and called ONON. Graven and Sloppy had decided that one beer wasn’t enough at the beerstops, they should have at least 2. They had set off way behind everyone else. The drunkards could barely stagger their way along the edge of the quarry walls, and yet somehow they had catapulted themselves to the front. Although we all agreed it was way too wet, muddy, stinky, so we should just go down the road instead.

A few more steps, and we were at the canal, a short way further and we were back at the A.

Thanks hares for the efforts – right about now I need a long sleep…

1st January – CH3 – Graven Image

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Well, that was by far the best run of the year (so far). We started at the square lake, and Graven took the FRBs on a hilarious lap of the lake before setting us off – the walkers skipped that bit and watched while we tried to figure out what was going on. I was a little retarded setting off, and the first few checks were solved as I caught up the walkers. Finally we got to a circle at the gate (with the dodgy lock), and I headed towards the hills, but didn’t find any paper. It was called from back to the left, so I cut across to rejoin them at the next alley. Except, I didn’t rejoin them, but instead somehow crossed the trail without anyone noticing (except perhaps Sloppy who was hiding from me).

I ended up the wrong side of a creek, heading in the wrong direction on paper from ABB’s last run, while the shouts disappeared to my right. Nevermind, I looped back over and rejoined a trail that was long since kicked out. I wanted exercise anyway. The trail headed up to the lower ridgeline, and I caught Tiptoe and his gaggle of walkers when we turned sharp to the right. Along the ridge, towards the 5 point junction. There was a confusion explosion of paper around the previous junction, that looked like someone had been unsure about kicking out a check. Not long after I saw Does Nothing coming towards me, backwards on trail, but not entirely sure what was going on.

We figured it out and I jogged off down the hill, the FRBs long since tucking into the post run beers. Nice set, and that initial cut back clearly caught me out and took me out of the game. I shall have to get back into this hashing thing.