Category Archives: CH3 – Write Ups

9th December – CH3 – Mr. Poo & Softballs

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The Conference Centre is very convenient for getting out of work, and being so close to town, everyone was milling around trying to get warm before the run. We set off through the temple, and up the steps – a familiar trail that I haven’t been on for a few years. Up to the barbed wire fence, and I was under it when the first circle check was spotted. I continued up the main obvious trail, and went a bit over 100m before it was finally called in completely the opposite direction. Now I was stuck in a long traffic jam – and given the cold temperature it felt like climbing Everest.

When we emerged at the main trail, the check still hadn’t been called – with most carrying on up the hill to the right. I opted left, and wasn’t far back down the hill when someone called it parallel to my left. I carried on down, and soon enough ran into paper off the next check with Graven. Another check had us headed back up the hill, but I think we got it a little wrong and from looking at strava, I suspect we might have missed a check out. I found another circle, and followed trail backwards for a bit, before letting Brownie do the work and chasing Pussy Whisperer and Angry Inch back up the bloody hill.

By this point, I was already locked into the hares plan – it was a re-set of a run Poo had done some years back. Last time we screwed it up and did a lot of it backwards – this time, we got it right. We were headed back to the outtrail and we suddenly hit a check with absolutely no other options – that was 100m before hitting the main trail again – funny that. I was cruising at the front with Brownie – a great running trail that we were moving at a decent pace on. And then a dirty FT – trail turned off the main trail and I reluctantly followed it, pretty sure it was going to be an FT – it was – a long one…

Meanwhile Strangely Anal had past it by and ran into the hare who asked him why he was there, and then why he was following the arrows in the right direction rather than running in the wrong direction. Interesting questions indeed. Back on trail and the descent was on. When we turned right to head back again, HRA was in front – running, but perhaps more carefully than a few weeks back. I was chasing him down, along with a pack who all had their eyes set on HRA. HRA meanwhile was concentrating on not headbutting any rocks, so nobody spotted that we had run off paper. Some turned back to find a false trail… I was enjoying the trail I was on, so ran it out back to the beer. Nice set.

2nd December – CH3 – Brown Finger

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Another Male hash, and this time I was in time to set off with the pack! This time I also managed to get through the run without seeing Angry Inch’s Angry Inch! Although as we set off, I’m not 100% sure if he was offering a viewing or not!

Poo was itching to get going – he was running before the first check! The first check was a high percentage check as we would probably have spotted trail on the way in if it hadn’t been right. Sure enough Poo was off, only to be thwarted at the second check. I was deliberately taking it steady.

Great trails heading up into the hill – it’s been a while since I’ve been here. Mary Poppins got a bit of a lead, and tried to sneak by quietly after the V check, but he was reined in, and when we hit the main trail Graven took the lead and started to put a few checks together. I was following with Pussy Whisperer, but I kept being fooled by the non-existent false trail. I was sure there must be a FT coming, but nope.

Finally at the top of the hill as we made a sharp right, Graven got one wrong, and it was my turn! And now it was the descent, on a nice running trail! I loved it! Dancing, skipping, bouncing, nice! Then there was a circle, but no obvious trail apart from the great one I was already on! It was heading in the right direction, so I kept going – no paper, but a great running trail, and when the calls came from my left, the trail started turning left. It was too nice a trail for nobody to be running it, so I pressed on. (Is that the most eloquent denial of short cutting ever?)

I rejoined the paper soon after, and the pack were just behind me as I hit a circle out into a field – 50/50, left or right. I picked right, and was right. Shrek now chasing me down. Another check, and I was a bit off to the right. Knowing where home was, I went back to the trail, and accelerated into absolute chaos. No check, but no paper. I looped around in the direction of home, and Suckit was also checking there. Off to the left, way the other side of a lake, I saw Frozen Dick making his way… Hmmmm… There was a call from back to the left, but by now it was a choice of which side of the lake to go. I went the wrong side, and cruised in not far ahead of the pack.

Nice trails!

25th November – CH3 – Liberace

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Praphats farm in Maejo – a great location… As I drove through the farm, I found a strange man stumbling along – yup, it was Libbers… I offered him a ride and he gratefully dragged himself into the car, and immediately started telling me how bad the run was! Although I was tempted to turn around and go home, I stayed to see what he put together…. Sadly for once the hare didn’t lie!

I walked off with Cartoon – his first time in this area. Graven was surprised with no checks early on, and we looped into a field that was overgrown in all directions, and a circle check. Skiddy and I spotted a way that it looked like someone might have tried to get through, and we scrambled along to paper.

I took a dip in the creek while Cartoon laughed at me from behind as trail apparently didn’t go through the creek. Ah well, back on trail and another check took me back to where we’d been just before, but I was on trail despite Shrek and Poo calling from a completely different direction. I understand why the hare was reticent, when trails aren’t there any more, he must have got all kinds of fucked up and just thought sod it.

A V check, I got it wrong but rejoined the trail after being attacked by a greyhound and seeing a poor monkey trapped in a cage. By now the pack was stretched out – no more checks, just trail laid until the way we’d driven in, and we were following hash signs back through the farm. It’s a beautiful location, and a gentle 3.2km route that gave the beer just enough time to cool down. Man Stuff.

18th November – CH3 – Frozen Dick & Graven Image

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Courtesy Alice

Frozen & Rooter then Frozen & Wavy Gravy combined to set a bijoux belter in the wilds, a quarter of the way to Chiang Rai it seemed.
If that’s the price we pay for new trails and a change of scenery, so be it.

Frozen’s camo signs did the job, losing a songthao, admittedly with a sight impaired navigator. More crucially he also lost the beer monster of the day ShSh. No, no, no Frozen, just use proper red on white signs like the big people. Kvetching about research showing yellow on black or black on yellow is the most noticeable tends to pale after telling lost sheep the same for at least 5 years. I saw 3 out of 4 signs so I think I deserve a Browny Point for being super cautious and careful.

Not sure why hares have to bore the pack explaining what our Hash markings are. We know. Encourages smart arses/asses to try to be funny with the same dopey comments week in week out. Talk to the visitors quietly pre-run and point us on our way. Simples.

Not a dig at FD, that’s every hare. FD was succinct but half the pack were disrespectful just sitting there when ‘circle up hare brief’ was called. Not good.

I’m sure all we need to know is, “Follow white strips with the run no. Trail is thataway. Take water. Make me proud.” (Rooter quip)

Anyway Frozen twirled us around in a wonderful circle of forest trails, shade and only one bastard rocky hill with paths scarcely fit for living beings.

Checks kept most FRBs (HRA, Cartoon & EmmaRoyde) honest and recycled the lead constantly. Pussy had started off like a train nailing checks. ABB loitered with intent at the checks and stuck around like a large jobby that refuses to flush. Skiddy and Banksy were well up with the pack throughout with Dutchy enjoying a happy break on a rock half way up the hill climb.

A surprise beer stop in the forest cancelled some braindead splash and once more, refueled and vigorous, up we bashed and down, then up a nasty bamboo grove, around the end of a lake and onto decent red mud path for the run in.

Strangely and self went stride for stride, agreeing to up the tempo after the On In and got called out by ABB for being racist. As if!

Our four Aussie visitors all contributed to the circle: Testicles, Shithead, Arseholeo and A.N.Other. Liked Testicles’ story about naturally his testicles in a bar and Cartoon’s story with the punchline: What good is just fucking one, BOTH of them! Not sure that’ll get past the BBC censors.

Good to hear splashes from Softballs and have Mary Poppins back from Edwardian London. Alice got the wings as the sole CH3er to do the Ball Breaker despite HRA booing and hissing. One more miserable bastard off my Xmas list. Bah Humbug.
Onon CH3!

9/9/2019 – CH3 – HRA

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It was Delboy’s 43rd birthday and what surprises and treats would HRA have in store for us?
Plenty as it happened…

Would he rehash his last run? No! He sneakily rehashed one of Cumalot’s from a year ago instead!

Potato Head got the first check right and in very splashable style waved his arms up and down on the road yelling, “Paper here! I’ve found it!”

We soon turned for the forest on the right and here I blitzed 3 or 4 checks heading up into the Doi. Cartoon found the 5th to the right as I blundered about in the trees well away to the left and by the time I’d got back, half the plodde…also-ra….pack had passed me.

The loping ABB stepped aside as I jogged along the lovely forest trail, Pussy Whisperer too, but Piggy shimmied this way and that upon my polite call of, “Passing left please!”
“Which left do you mean?” he barked.
“ The other left!”
‘FO grandad!’ he’s getting next time!

Cartoon was nailing checks and Delboy although the stronger runner, was taking the duff options then catching up. As we came to another circle near properties, he went straight on the best trail. I went right around a garden fence while the lemmings followed best option Del, apart from honest Krapthai who went left.

Paper! I called Onon and put my (newish) Decathlons to the road. At the next corner I was on again after yet another circle and followed concrete for another few hundred meters. Shit. No paper. Go back. Double shit. FT partially hidden.
Leaving the strips on the fence, I turned into an orchard 50m back and bingo! A left, left box in the woods brought me back almost to where I’d turned back after the FT. I really pushed myself to keep ahead and couldn’t credit I was ahead of Delboy.
Back along familiar trail and a sharp left through a bamboo gate. Cartoon missed this but Del didn’t and caught me in the forest about 10m shy of the powder OnIn.
We ran in together to a wave from HRA.
Super run and 5.4km for me in decent time.
Capt Kagan enjoyed Frozen Morgan’s Spicy Rum and ABB excoriated all the non drinkers for getting sloshed.
Back at MadDog, the ever inventive Pussy W suggested a breathalyzer test be applied to all hashers after the circle to determine their Hash fee on a sliding scale.
A suggestion deserving of serious AGFU consideration.
Onon and HBFU Delboy.
Alice

2nd Sept – CH3 – Emma Royde

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Oh dear. The RA certainly fixed it for me. Like Jimmy Bleedin’ Savile fixed shit. Soaked thru for 30 mins on the drive in and home, and same same during the run. Nice weather for ducks as my old man would say. And fcuking idiot hashers on motorbikes too!

Arriving just pre-hare brief, I glimpsed Emma Royde’s snazzy ERII checks and heard there was W-R split. Eggelen chimed in both my knees together.

On the way out ShSh, Frozen and self were at the rear again and considering the big questions of the day. Was that gate aluminum or aluminum? Was it painted or anodized? Lucky the rain cooled my fevered brain as ShSh and FD demonstrated how we Brits and Septics are indeed two peoples, separated by a common language.

The rain fell even heavier and we turned off into orchards and then forest. Tiptoe and Rooter were ahead meandering this way and that in search of clear paper and trail.
Finding a damp strip I yelled OnOn! and realized Rooter wasn’t aware of our presence as he breakdanced like 10,000 V had just gone up his leg.

The ground softening, I headed on alone along flooding muddy trails until I got to checks where I checked and returned to the others, sometimes to give them the right info and sometimes not, as returning to a check discombobulated me somewhat. Was it left or the other left? Fcuk, I’m confused!

It really was something, shallow streams flowing along the forest paths and pools forming in dips. Still it hammered down and soon we were returning to the settled area and the A site at the cock ring shelter.

A few sick, lame and idle bastards were already there so we swapped excuses and waited for the pack to return.

ShSh headed off for another loop having told me my knee issues are all to do with wrong shoes and being too heavy for them. Sauce!

The circle was enjoyable with Piggy, Belly and ABB along with HRA the GM entertaining us with their wit, ribaldry and general character assassination. Saying that, I did get a sharp intake of breath when I contrasted clean living, upstanding hasher Pussy Whisperer with Purple Fart, the hasher most likely to breed with another species!

Rather wonderfully Tom Callahan the Co-Hare didn’t know what a brolly was, so eventually we settled on his Hash handle as Mary Poppins, to raucous cheers. Piggy did the honours in style, an MC of some talent, weddings, award nights and circumcisions a speciality I hear.
Great set in a lovely area with a shelter fit for circles – and for cockfighting! Well done Emma and Mary Poppins!

Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim chim cheroo…keep your fcuking shorts on next time, Skiddy please do!

26th August – CH3 – Alice

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It was out in Sankampaeng, near the ‘airplanes’ – I’ve never made it to a run here, so it was clear early on that the likes of Cartoon had some advantage. I arrived with enough time to get changed, grab a bottle of water, but unfortunately the over exuberant hare had set them off already, but it wasn’t far around the corner when I started picking off the walkers – Libbers, Tiptoe, Frozen etc.

It was going to be flat, and wet and it wasn’t long before we were dancing over flooded waterways. I was back with the pack well before the first of the beerstops – here I went the wrong way, so was catching up again as we ran along the road. Trail turned right at a junction with no check, which was immediately suspicious. Up ahead the likes of Cartoon and Skiddy were paused, but then carried on, but without any call that I heard. When I got 80m down the trail there was a circle. Typical – if only someone had called. By now they had scattered onwards, so I turned around and went back to the road – here Belly got a slight advantage over me and HRA and he put in a bit of a jog. We chased him down as the road went through some ricefields.

Again my radar was suspicious, and I spotted something whitish off to the left and decided to check it out, even with Cartoon calling from behind me that he could see the paper going straight on – presumably to a false trail, but you’d need to hide it a bit better to trick me. Here we got onto quite a nice trail that was headed back in the general direction of A with a creek on the left. HRA, Cartoon and I took turns until a check visible the other side of a metal bridge. The construction of the bridge was clearly very stable, but it was rusty, and my hatred of bridges took me a while to brave crossing it, even with a second beer stop just on the other side!

A second beer stop – what a treat! The pack was a bit ahead of me heading back towards the road, and I suspected my chances were over. I forced myself to jog, and found I was feeling better than I have recently – hopefully early signs that my fitness is returning? Sheep Shagger ran past the turning off the road, and then we were following Cartoon who was suddenly off paper up ahead – I looked to my right, and there was the false trail. Back a few steps and into an alley, when SS called it, I darted past and hit the front with Cartoon splashing through the mud to my right. Around the corner, we must be close by now and I was flowing along, until another FT. Damnit! Those following me turned around as well, and all ran past a turning at the back of the temple – I ducked into it, and sure enough there was paper and it was just a short way around the temple and I spotted my car and the A site on my right.

Nice one!

22nd July – CH3 – Cartoon

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We were back out at the San Kampaeng lake to see what Cartoon would give us this time. I set off walking with CW & Emmaroyde, but it was quite a way before we got a check, so in the end we started jogging. Finally a check, and we carried on up and over the little hill where the dirt bikes often play around, and from there we were onto the trail along the side of the hill – would we turn right into the rice fields, or left over the hill?

A false trail slowed us down as it seemed that the trail continued forwards from it, just off to the left. HRA seemed on good form as he led the way for a while. It was decision time, and we were right by the last real option for going over the hill – TMB’s trail – sure enough Emmaroyde led the way, a little bit ahead of CW and me. Its a bit of a push to get up, scrambling over the rocks.

Back down the other side, and CW was leading the way to the left – I took the easier route along the road, and rejoined at another circle. We were on the way back now, but there were still choices – a false trail, I’d called before we got to it, but still the hare managed to catch us out at the canal, as we didn’t expect to go back in on the out trail – sneaky.

1st July – CH3 – ABB

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I’ve been fighting with an unpleasant hangover all day, so my brain definitely isn’t switched on today. I nearly went for a nap instead of heading to the hash, but forced myself out to get some exercise. I was late… Worse that expected traffic, and just generally taking longer than it should to get my shit together. The pack had 10 minutes on me when I set off – ABB offered me a short cut, but I decided against it – I need exercise!

From the shelter on the way to the Tiger Head, the trail set off out the back and over the little weir. As I’d been putting my shoes on I could hear CW as they looped around to the right and back to the road. From here trail crossed the road and head pretty straight towards the square lake, and it was here after 10 mins or so I caught Tiptoe & Frozen Dick. Across the lake I saw Softballs, and slowly reeled him in as the trail headed back towards the right.

Some of these trails were very tight – I could hear CW off to my right, but the trail didn’t immediately turn right. I could have short cut, but thought better of it and persevered. There was one bit that slowed me down as the bushes the paper was stapled to seemed to have been cut down.

And then all of a sudden there was the ONION! Around 4.5km – a short, flattish run, but given the state of my head, I was happy to be sat drinking water.

Canada Day eh?

24th June – CH3 – Soft Balls

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It was a trip out to the lake by Alpine Golf Course, and the first run I’d been on set by Softballs… It was a bit warm, so I set off alongside Pigshit, taking tips on how to come from behind by walking very slowly at the start. I tried, but after a while, I edged my way forwards.

It was CW & Skid Mark setting the pace, and I trotted along behind them. Rice fields to the right, we were heading along a nice trail along the bottom of a hill to the left. Wimp Rambo split had the Wimps heading off to the right, but instinct would have suggested the Rambo trail would be to the left back over the hill. We hit a stretch of about a KM with no checks, and I caught Skidmark while CW was up ahead. CW also expected to turn left, and got the V check wrong. In the meantime, I’d changed my mind, and guessed that the reason there were no checks was that we were heading back parallel to where we were.

I was right, and managed to jog along – another KM back with no checks, while CW slowly reeled me in and caught me at the beer stop. We were back on the road, but we struggled for a moment not spotting paper heading into the rice field to the left – an abrupt road crossing apparently. CW did spot it, about the same time I found paper further up the road, so I carried on walking so he would catch up. Seems there was plenty of confusion from there on, as paper wasn’t easy to spot. I rounded a corner and suddenly found CW & Skiddy appearing again in front of me not long before the ONIN.

Badly needed exercise!