Category Archives: CH3 – Write Ups

CH3 Outstation – Graven Image

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Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast)

By Alice


Graven and Anal Vice stand in Angry Inch set a tough outstation run in Pattaya for the vacationers from ChiangMai and an equal number of local hashmen, true and staunch.

The crowd assembled at some Aussie bar and familiar faces from my Pattaya hashes in years
gone by revealed themselves, even if I couldn’t recall many names: Reargunner, Jello Butt, Ass Bandit to name but three.

Superman and the super wide Superboy fronted up with the lanky Redundant Semen plus cigarettes in tow. It was onto the baht bus and a rattling hour or so to the A.

Graven produced some very eye catching CH3 commemorative polo shirts featuring a direct quote from Chuck Wao:My level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity. I say!

First leg was a tough 11 km with trail marked in small playing card size paper printed with a grey graven image on. The picture wasn’t entirely clear and looked like a strange beast buggering a horse, so it was pretty apt I guess.

The hares, according the local pundits, had done a good job and set trail in different directions to what local hares would do. They knew where the trail was heading but not how our CH3 boys would get there.

Most notable on this leg were a steep climb thru long grass and over rocks that went on. And on. We also had a tricky check on the side of a steep hill of rubber trees. Then we had a section where paper was removed and the FRBs continued 300m to find paper but no body shouted back to us looking elsewhere!

After a tricky loop back on paper to another check, mid pack were confused by paper seemingly going two directions and On and check calls coming from different places.

Alice found trail and then a FT. On was called way back in the woods but luckily my eagle eyes spotted three FRBs running across a field behind a wall 400m away so ran thru the FT to join up in short order. Runners behind were confused as they espied the FT. Some followed me, some looped thru the woods. More fool them.

Back in the big ploughed tapioca field, the FRBs, Jello, Chucky and a.n.other had left the immediate check intact. Alas they did so for the next three, all running together as the locals ‘knew’ where it must go.
No check guarding or spreading out. No calling. Although Chucky swears to differ.

The tapioca fields went on and on and the trail inbetween was runnable. After the climb, it was pleasant to run on rutted flattish track. Here the flies descended and every man probably laughed at the hundreds of the critters on the head/hat/back/pack of the man in front, little realizing he was also so festooned.

Finally the hares appeared on trail, beer was near! After a welcome pitstop of water and fruit it was off on the last 4-5km with Jello Butt fcuking up most checks and running off paper the memorable feature. Chucky can be trusted on this point of fact.

Terrain was uneven and broken, we went thru tapioca fields and some shiggy before hitting a big road, crossing and then more tapioca fields.
The FRBs and paper disappeared behind a building and all was quiet.

Suddenly I saw coloured shirts running across my front way on the other side of another tapioca field and ran from ridge to ridge across the wide expanse and there was the A site, a few hundred meters to the left.

All in I clocked up 11km but FRBs may have done 12km or should have done. The rain after the set didn’t help our valiant hares but overall they did a sterling job and it was extremely refreshing to meet and mingle with Pattaya men.
OnOnOn at M Club? shall remain cloudy for various reasons, although the portions were fabulous and succulent. The pizzas I mean.
Onon,
Alice

22nd Jan – CH3 – Pussy Whisperer

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Rating: 8.8/10 (4 votes cast)

Mae Jo H3 convened for the 7th time in ten runs in….Mae Jo! But this time the hare had a surprise or two for us. A new A site! And yellow and black HHH signs that totally confused the beer monster who drove on auto pilot to the dam. D’Oh! Infact they were well placed but prove tricky to see if you’re looking for red on white. Alice did his Joan of Arc impression and biked back to the road to fetch the errant Tiptoe and bring him in.
The run was a real challenge, varied and all in all a proper CH3. Qudos to the hare and his paper person!
Early on in the piece Piggy went down a rabbit hole and luckily didn’t snap his trotter. He swore Brownie put the shoulder into him but thankfully was up and running straightaway. After the field we headed for the forest and I checked left at Graven’s suggestion. Always a recipe for tears. We wove deeper into the woods and hills and one circle at a ravine stood out. Alice, Graven, possibly Strangely and Cameltoe checked left while OnOn was called from within the ravine I think. Our trail looked too good to leave and both GI and self reckoned it might continue and turn right linking up with true trail and save us the pain of reversing and he Shiggy ravine. Strangely went back to the call, Cameltoe followed us incredulous. And with good reason as we swept around to head the pack off as they emerged from the depths onto our lovely running trail behind us.
Next major issue was a hill. It was steep. And very rocky. Paper was clear and left up the worst incline. Decent rocky trail went right. Broken easier trail straight up. Graven checked right in case of a False Trail while Alice clambered straight. Strangely followed paper up the worst of it. At the top a lovely cross path and a straight on option which apparently dropped down into nasty stuff. Alas OnOn was called left on old cream paper and everyone scrambled across. Apart from Graven who silently continued right found paper and continued on in Turkey alike mode.
Up and down, round and round we went, stony paths, steep paths, sandy trails, more stones and roots, onwards until we came to a very steep hillside with colourful elephants browsing contentedly in the forest above. The pachyderms turned out to be Sups, Tiptoe and Frozen. Cartoon does his imbecile impression and follows Frozen off paper up the steepest section. Wtf you doing? I enquire of the Frozen one. Traversing! is his reply. In a straight line up, mmm, funny traverse.
Back on walkable/ runnable trail we hit the familiar hill in these parts and start to career down.
A circle is kicked out straight and a gaggle of FRBs mill around 200m down the track. They’d found cream paper and OLD PW paper. Then it ended. They seemed confused but it was obvious. This is not today’s trail paper. Go back to circle and check the only other MAIN path off. Bingo!
Cartoon and Cameltoe found trail, we relaid the link and were off again. We being Alice, Strangely, Cartoon, Cameltoe, ABB and Bonesmoker and that was it. Everyone else, taking their cue from Browny’s confusion and Graven’s insider knowledge, just ran off trail and shortcutted back to the A.
A Falsie got Cameltoe and I explained why we need to take off paper to mark true trail to help those behind. He was bouncing along in fast spurts and Strangely was eating up the yardage in front. Suddenly paper two ways but left was again old PW strips, slightly grubby and discoloured.
Eventually emerging by the square lake to find Graven barking about FRBs over there or something unhelpful, trail went off the south west corner and soon we came on On In in powder and a longish uphill yomp home.
Top set, tough and hugely enjoyable. Especially as Pussy said we were his heroes for returning on trail!

15th Jan – CH3 – Softballs

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Rating: 8.0/10 (3 votes cast)

(By Alice)

After Thursday’s run, I was keen to see if Softballs had been advised how we set checks and if he’d vary the trail or change it much. No and yes.
On the good side, he’d scouted again and set a well balanced run both sides of the road and including some new territory for me.
On the negative side, his mentor had neglected to inform him that Vs require paper marking 2 trails, one to a Checkback and one which continues; and circles don’t have more than one trail marked at 60-100m one of which goes to a False Trail sign after 150-250m. A classic mix of walker, newbie hare and alternative hash procedures..
Actually I don’t care if he marks like that but the hare has to TELL the pack because it’s not our regular way. I do care when the mentor tries to override me asking the hare to EXPLAIN his markings. Showing us signs we all know doesn’t help any, unless he explains how he’s marked it and how they work.
It also didn’t help that there were NO HHH signs anywhere when I, Tiptoe and AnalVice rocked up off the Mae Jo Rd. Tiptoe was waiting in high dudgeon yelling at me there were no fff signs! I felt his anguish. AnalVice was parked down a turning having explored all the way to the dam. He did find TWO ON IN sings which is one less than last run, but they were pointing in different directions. Christ O’Reilley.
About 4:20 the hare arrives at the shelter to the RIGHT of the road and affixes HHH. He’s about 30 minutes too late. Luckily he put HHH on the second U turn a few minutes before the songthaeo rocked up. Obviously the mentor also neglected to inform him about timely setting of HHH. The devil is in the detail but these are easy do’s if advised properly.
Softballs paper on trail is clear and properly sized, facing the right way, as are his few checks. Last run had 3 checks I think and we maybe had 5 this run? Let the runners run, indeed.
At one point we hit a circle, after nearly half the run, perhaps our first? Brownfinger and Alice traipsed up the hill towards obvious paper at 60m. Pretty sus. OnOn was called straight along from the check so BF returned to that trail.
Alice followed paper into the forest for a very good 100m before a very clear FT but no bar. Throwing caution to the winds he yomped up and over the forested ridge to intercept trail on the other side. Result. A flash of Browny thru the trees and Mr Poo jogging along. Nice being back in contact after a few 100m forest silence.
Emma Roide made the early running and the middle running and the end running. We have a new addition to the FRB ranks! Usual FRB Scooby was suffering some illness so took the W option and appeared on the road for the long Tarmac last km. I had 6.9km and others around 7.2km. Quality trail, just get the HHH up in time and set standard checks – or explain hare’s version thereof. And Superman turned up late into proceedings with the usual guff about poor signage – also pulling out that excuse for the BB – and Graven was having none of that tosh!

8th Jan – CH3 – Strangely Anal

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

By Alice (the co-hare)

A new A site with flat, interesting 5.5km run featuring bamboo bridge, canal crossings and the amazing features of jet airliners on blocks with run directions vetted by Byte. What could go wrong? Turkey. That’s what could go wrong.

The pack arrived by songthao after Anal Vice and Cartoon in their trucks. Shagless, Brownfinger and Frozen bike it in. All good so far. Then….my phone rings.

A distraught Turkey is calling from his car saying that the fcuking directions are wrong and he’s somewhere it seems near Lamphun.

Instead of just relaxing and laughing at world class ineptitude, I get stressed and pissed off. Retard 8 year olds I dealt with better for 30 years. I call him back and explain yet again. Take your 1317 out past Promenada. YOUR road to your SKP resort. Just like it says on the email.

A barrage of frantic complaints about junctions and no HHH signs on the Superhighway come my way in return. I inhale deeply and make a mental note to become a drinking co-hare for the night.

This is after Tiptoe complained bitterly there were no distances in the email – there were – and Frozen said there was only a sign AFTER the turn – there was one 100m before on the left and one at the turn. Working with children and animals is actually easier.

Strangely briefs the pack and its powder for the lads with bits of paper where it was overgrown and shiggy. A short, flat run out seems to be just the ticket after Saturday’s ball breaker.
Off they went along the road at the start of their roughly clockwise circuit. Hares Alice and Strangely see Scooby run towards the big plane and the powder checkback after the initial loop. He sees the bar from the bridge and reverses.

We jump my scooter and cross the bridge, pass the plane and wait behind jet engines and fuselage sections as the walkers pass to our left and the FRBs, already across the bamboo bridge, tear down the far side of the canal, Scooby, Browny and Semen Soars in the van.

Later, I heard that on the field loop, Semen spotted powder across the canal on the lake loop and climbed past the big gate and over the pylon bridge to shortcut, with three miscreants following. Strangely had mentioned this potential opportunity while setting and I’d replied that if anyone does, they’re welcome as it wasn’t an attractive or easy proposition.

Once the pack were away checking and shouting in the distance somewhere near the little concrete hut across the canal, we set the ON IN. Suddenly a fidgety figure in white with multiple injection punctures in his knee and shoulders, appeared at the metal canal crossing. Someone who’d been told by Lungla to go out in the completely opposite direction and follow the 6ft arrow on the road Strangely had so helpfully left for him. Someone told me he was scared to go on motorbikes but jumped on giggling and nervous to be taken half a click towards the bamboo bridge.
“Slow down Alice!” someone implored as the bike sped at 5kph over the gravel track.

Strangely returned to base while I waited to take pics of the returning pack running past the huge partially dismembered jet. I was a tad concerned they’d ace the run and estimated 45 min at best. As the minutes ticked by I relaxed and knew it’d be around 50 min for FRBs, by the time I espied Browny and Scooby through the foliage. They speeded up and crossed the ON IN in perfect unison, moving, breathing, singing out together like Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber.

As the runners returned most were fascinated by the jet, apart from Poo who I’m not sure saw it. Shagless climbed the gangtry without a safety harness, tut tut, to get a look in the nose section.

Circle was disturbed by a patriotic song and yabbering commentary that continued for a few annoying minutes at 6pm. It was worse than Graven renegotiating the out station!

We heard that the pack considered the checks were varied and kept the lead changing. The circle on the Monet bridge was tough as they had to go back, cross the canal on sandbags and choose one of two overgrown paths. Graven swore it was 130m til he found paper but he was outed for short checking recently so I’m taking that with a pinch of salt. Browny informed me that the False Trail back across the weir coming back was an obvious no no but someone did go over to find the bar and FT in the abandoned building.

OnOnOn at Billy’s was a well attended and liquid affair. Italian nosh and banter. Well done Strangely! First of many I hope.

6th January – CH3 – Alice (Ball Breaker)

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Setting a ballbreaker isn’t easy – it takes a LOT of work, both in scouting and in managing logistics – it takes a deal of work to pull it off, and the hares pulled it off, so great job! I had 17.3km in around 3 hours, including 470m elevation gain. By the end I was happy to finish and have a beer.

The A-site was the Country Cabin near Doi Saket – a great little restaurant that I’ve many times sat reading a book and passing the afternoon away. We showed up, and waited for the rest to appear, listening attentively for any hints the hares might inadvertently give away. And boy were there hares!!! Alice, Blows Herself, Mr. Poo, Foxy Cleopatra, Burritto Butt, perhaps even Strangely Anal? How many cooks does it take to perfect the broth?

I know this area – it’s my backyard – I’d even made a prediction about which hill it would be – I was wrong… But when the songthaew dropped us off, I had a pretty good idea, and my heart sank just a little. We started off not far from Wangtarn Resort, heading towards the high mountains. Suckit must be close to 60 now, but I remember around his 50th we did a 50k from Wangtarn resort, and BF, GI and I pieced together a bit of a connection there. I was holding back trying to stick with my philosophy of staying with the front of the pack while putting in the minimal effort.

The trail came out onto the tarmac road, and for some insane reason hashers seemed to scatter down the hill? Angry Inch lead the way up the road, and I followed gingerly. Please not this hill, please not again, the nightmares are still coming… Sure enough Angry called ONON, and the ascent was on. We past the abandoned house where the Ballbreaker started 5 years ago, and from here the ascent is quite brutal. Gorf skipped by as though he hadn’t realised he was setting off on a Ball Breaker, under the impression he was just on a 5k park run. A V-Check, and for me turning left was a 0% chance – it might look tempting, but a sharp pain to my ribs reminds me of a fall I took in that dark gully. Memories were leading me up this hill – unlike most of the rest of the pack, I knew the torture of the climb, and I could also predict where the hare would let us free.

Gorf jogged up next to me like a freak of nature. Does he not appreciate that we are going up? A circle… Strange place for it, I only know one option to keep going. Gorf must have gone 98yards before giving up and dancing back. I could have encouraged him to check somewhere else, but I didn’t have the energy, so we carried on to the inevitable paper. Up to a little ridge, with a great view. The hares had even placed the paper to lead us to enjoy the view before heading back to the left of a hill. So far we were on the trail I’d set 5 years back with Shagless – I’d spent nearly 300km and many many hours all over this mountain. I was confident I knew every possibility, but the trail carried on following the way Shagless and I had set. Finally Gorf came running back and normalcy returned as we headed back down the hill – perhaps even more slowly that we’d gone up it.

I knew this trail was there, but for a bit I was on new ground, and while the descent was dodgy, when we hit the bottom there was a good check, and then some great running trails. A few more checks would have perhaps let the rest of the pack stay close, but there was a good pack of FRBs turning over the lead at the front. I was doing a good job of staying amongst them with little effort – such as when GI and I called a clear false trail off to the left, and got a head start along the main trail. We emerged into the valley where the dogs home is, and it was long before one of the FRBs disturbed them while checking a circle. Scooby Doo led us on true trail around the edge of the field, between the two small lakes and to a circle check. We’d been promised 7-8km on the first leg, and we were short of that – heading out to the road now couldn’t be right, so I helped Brownie check off to the left, while Sloppy lucked out to the right and out to the road. We could see the first beer stop waiting for us not far along the canal, and a race emerged in front of me for winning to the beerstop – I think Sloppy got it from his raised fist pumps. I walked in and as I was carrying my own water I carried on not wanting my legs to seize up…

The trail turned back to the mountains, and I edged along fully expecting a trick – perhaps a sneaky false trail? THe path leads to a gate which is always locked and impenetrable. Today it was locked, but the hares had found a way of getting past it – interesting! I walked along waiting for the pack to catch me. Perhaps they were enjoying the water / snacks, or probably the beer. Finally I got to a circle check, and somewhere behind I heard TMB calling “RU?” I had a very clear idea of where the trail was likely to go, and quickly called ONON. There was a fallen tree blocking the trail, which was a little confusing, and held the pack up a bit behind. I was excited about the next check though, as I really love the hidden trail off to the right – I can only imagine the hares excitement the first time they found it… As I approached the circle I heard someone calling checking from up ahead. That someone sounded a lot like Frozen Dick… And looked a lot like Frozen Dick when I got to him. No idea how long he’d been poking around for it, but I helped him out.

I like these trails – I’ve set them, but this was the first time I’ve been able to run them on a hash. “Run” is maybe not the right word, as it was a while before we could actually get running. The pace was pedestrian as we all were cagey about putting too much effort in. We emerged from the hill shoulder and down the trail. A circle check as Gorf caught me again. I carried on, and where once there was a small wooden house, today there was a bustling collection of wooden houses, a plethora of children, and a school of aggressive dogs. I got a stick to fend off the dogs… The kids were clearly on my side – friendly, happy, and much more aggressive when it came to hurling lumps of mud at the dogs. I had a chat with them about white paper. One pointed me in one direction, and then was scolded by his friends as they pointed me onwards. I knew I was more than 100m from the check, but there were a few strips of paper on the ground, and the evidence suggested paper had been torn down. I was on trail and bellowed ONON back, which surely Gorf heard otherwise that check might be difficult!

I carried on and sure enough at the next circle, Gorf wasn’t far behind. I turned right, confidently, and happy this time there were no bees. Of course we wouldn’t be going up the hill to the right, so as I had a bit of time, I found a nice stick to prepare myself for the next pack of dogs. Gorf caught me as we passed the trail off to the right – playing the percentages I was tempted to head that way, or at least as the ladies that were stood around, but as I was up front I did the decent thing and jogged(ish) to the FT. I turned back a lot quicker than Gorf and sure enough we were heading off back dangerously close towards where we’d been before.

Here the pack started passing me. There was a chance of another FT up front, and there was a way to cut down the field to the left, but nope. Further ahead there was a cross junction, and surely there we had to turn left – otherwise trail was getting close. Sloppy and I headed left, but finally Gorf called it straight on. Ugh. I had made a mistake. By now the FRB pack was well established, and sticking together as a group – sure we’d lost the walkers, but the checks were good enough to keep a sizable group together, and keep turning over the lead. I was slipping backwards though, but was surprised when Graven suddenly appeared, and passed me somewhat similar to Marvin in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

We got back to the road, just 100m or so away from the first beer stop. This time I got a beer. I was still wary about stopping – as I write this, I am looking at my anti inflammatories, and hoping I can move my knee tomorrow! I kept on going and promptly got the circle check wrong. The 2nd beer stop was at a small shelter I’d set a male hash run from a couple of years back, and I set off on the way I’d set the run. Today we ended up in the same spot, but Alice used a nicer route to get there. I walked along, enjoying my beer.

Somehow I caught up again as they were spread out looking for a solution to a false trail. A big sign on the gate saying NO ENTRY (or something like that in Thai), was scaring people off. My mind drifted back to the day I spent 2+ hours trying to find a way to avoid this property, hitting deadend after deadend, before sneaking around the edge, only to meet the nicest, kindest English gentleman you could imagine. I had no qualms going through the gate, and happily waved at his wife today – seriously, this property is gorgeous, and the owner is a star. I didn’t see him today, but I recall him welcoming me onto his land in the past saying “We are but custodians of this land, you are very welcome to enjoy it!”. The traditional wooden houses are great, the land well maintained, and the walk across the grounds through the water buffalo and peacocks out to the ricefields is beautiful.

TMB and Brownie led the way along the trail through the ricefields, and we were starting to get to more familiar Alice area. He’d set runs here, and I remember him finding some connects to abandoned moobaans. I never switched out of minimal effort mode, just trying to plod along. Every time there was a slight incline my legs screamed at me. Every time there was a slight decline my legs screamed “NO!”. I was doing ok… I was comfortable… I was going to finish.

The pack rejoined to solve a false trail. There was an interesting shift in philosophy here… Normally when we have a problem to solve, we are fairly combative – we spread out as individuals, wanting to be the winner who solves it. By now, we were resigned, a team created by our group experience. Almost to the point of sitting down to discuss our options. We all checked one way down the road, then we all went another, discussing what might be possible, because most of us were reluctant to risk being badly wrong. I suspect in the end, paper was taken down and not left at all helpfully for those who followed. The collective exhaustion perhaps.

A bit later the front runners managed to run straight through a sharp left that just led to a false trail. They were clean away while a pack grew behind them. We had to be getting close to the end… I hadn’t seen NOYB since the start, so I was confident he wouldn’t catch me, so I was satisfied. Knock Out passed and I thought – no problem, I can be beaten by a girl (TMB didn’t count she was already ahead). Then Able Semen passed… – ok no problem, I guess I can be beaten by a kid – but he better be signed by a premier league club so I have a story to tell my grandkids!

Then all of a sudden we were all back together. A circle check, and the shortcutting FRBs were caught by the rest of us. Out of nowhere Graven darted down a hole in the hedge and called ONON. Graven and Sloppy had decided that one beer wasn’t enough at the beerstops, they should have at least 2. They had set off way behind everyone else. The drunkards could barely stagger their way along the edge of the quarry walls, and yet somehow they had catapulted themselves to the front. Although we all agreed it was way too wet, muddy, stinky, so we should just go down the road instead.

A few more steps, and we were at the canal, a short way further and we were back at the A.

Thanks hares for the efforts – right about now I need a long sleep…

1st January – CH3 – Graven Image

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Well, that was by far the best run of the year (so far). We started at the square lake, and Graven took the FRBs on a hilarious lap of the lake before setting us off – the walkers skipped that bit and watched while we tried to figure out what was going on. I was a little retarded setting off, and the first few checks were solved as I caught up the walkers. Finally we got to a circle at the gate (with the dodgy lock), and I headed towards the hills, but didn’t find any paper. It was called from back to the left, so I cut across to rejoin them at the next alley. Except, I didn’t rejoin them, but instead somehow crossed the trail without anyone noticing (except perhaps Sloppy who was hiding from me).

I ended up the wrong side of a creek, heading in the wrong direction on paper from ABB’s last run, while the shouts disappeared to my right. Nevermind, I looped back over and rejoined a trail that was long since kicked out. I wanted exercise anyway. The trail headed up to the lower ridgeline, and I caught Tiptoe and his gaggle of walkers when we turned sharp to the right. Along the ridge, towards the 5 point junction. There was a confusion explosion of paper around the previous junction, that looked like someone had been unsure about kicking out a check. Not long after I saw Does Nothing coming towards me, backwards on trail, but not entirely sure what was going on.

We figured it out and I jogged off down the hill, the FRBs long since tucking into the post run beers. Nice set, and that initial cut back clearly caught me out and took me out of the game. I shall have to get back into this hashing thing.

25th December – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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If it ain’t broke don’t fix it goes the adage. Well, Mr Poo paid tribute to an Alice set for the second time, mirroring his run to within 95% accuracy and the same way around.

This time he had a surprise up his sleeve, a la Cumalot on Sat. Lay the trail very close to HRA’s trail from exactly the same A and lay it also in powder. Stand back and enjoy the inevitable, especially as his most tricky check was adjacent to HRA trail and the markings were still visible.

The only thing to be said in the hare’s defence is that he did say No False Trails at the hare brief. Of course his tricky check not only was close to HRA powder but an HRA FT too so the poor innocents were well and truly stuffed for Xmas.

A decent sized pack in festive mood finally gathered at the new A site which wasn’t the footy field as per email. Pooying joined us, the the long well sculptured legs of Horny’s visitor didn’t go unnoticed. US tennis coach and mum to two good little running lads, she like the rest of the family, wore little bells on her feet just in case one didn’t notice those long, slim, athletic legs going up to a very pert little athletic bum. Would I run behind her all the way in paroxysms of ecstasy? Not if those fcuking bells had anything to do with it.

Off we went towards the snakehead Buddha then left into the open area and right towards the hills. A circle was called as the paths headed up.

At back of pack I took my chance and checked up a steep but doable ramp about 80m shy of the check. After 20m powder! Geddin Alice!

My Onon calls were overshadowed by bellowing below. Are you! Checking! Funny to see the pack milling around 30m below me ignoring my calls. Up past the temple and into the woods. I was hiking and jogging in parts. A couple of checks were nailed. No one had caught me but a 3 way
circle allowed a couple of FRBs to find paper on the lower left as I took far right. Gorf passed me here and luckily the trails merged anyway.

We followed a lovely winding path that rose up the spur, dappled light, trees all around, gentle incline, not too many rocks. Hashing at its best – especially as I suspected Poo hadn’t strayed too far from my template on his Strava.

At various checks there were Xmas songs to sing and various forfeits for FRBs. Anal Vice had stapled Xmas presi vouchers along the way too. It was truly the spirit of Christmas but in a tropical forest in UK summer temps!

Browny, Suckit, Anal and a few other charged past on the long downward trail to the next valley. Long legs’ hubby Wes passed me jingling his bell without stopping for the mistletoe kiss check. TFfT!

At the t as we hit the valley Tasty, Scooby and a few others went right. Toilet Dog’s antics confusing them. Plodding left of course, I found powder and ran the long valley path all the way out to the orchard and Poo’s killer check.

I told Piggy it was probably thru the barbed wire fence as per last set. Runners came back that way but I knew it was worth heading that way. Powder, then nothing. The FRBs were confused, circling. I strode on like a demented wise man following his personal Xmas star. No powder. A FT or circle call from the right. Shouting. More confusion. I kept on and was back on powder, despite Toilet Dog yelling Old Powder when it was obviously not.

Back up towards the forest, thru the deep trench and up behind the properties. Stick with me young man, I’ll see you home safe says Alice in best Jimmy Savile style.

Toilet Dog scampered off in his bambino feet and Browny made encouraging remarks as he passed me with 500m to go.
After our little group came in there was a long gap before Graven, Angry and most of the pack came in from the wrong direction having hit the road in frustration by Tin Tin and run in on tarmac.

Fun circle, enlivened by Robin Banks singing and snogging TMB neighbour’s daughter in re-enactment of the mistletoe check. Worked for him I guess✅❤️
Lovely OnOnOn chez Poo and KO. Thanks for hosting and to the ladies who catered a superb spread. Tip top effort girls.

11th Dec – CH3 – Brown Finger

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

So it was Brownie down the end of Canal Rd in the forests behind Suckit’s place. What could possibly go wrong? Answer: nothing!
It was as good as I expected and Brownie has a real feel for them that hills and trails. Trouble was I had a feel for my latte in Buff Cafe so my mind drifted and suddenly it was 4:15. Shiite on a stick!
Surviving some near death driving, I hove to in a lather a few minutes after the pack had departed, as Sheepy ambled off round the corner in his luminescent lime leggings. Oh, shut that door!
A quick hello to BF and Sloppy who shot off, I set my own pace content to enjoy the trial with or without company.
After ten mins I heard OnOn to my right front. Paper led left so I considered a Turkey short cut right to cut out a loop and catch up but I was in the mood to jog 6 km and wanted to see what the hare had created.
Trail was well marked in Graven arsecrack paper and circles were properly kicked out, please note ABB. Complete or half strips led away from the check to link the trail and I wished ABB could watch and learn.
Shortly I came upon iHop, whose sole purpose seems to be to provide irrefutable proof that Goat did once have sex with a human female. The guy is son of Goat incarnate. IHop daintily jumped right as I passed which is more than TipToe did. DoesNothing was next to be passed and then it was a long solo stretch on beautiful paths, some stony, some sandy, a few trips and semi stumbles but the good ship Alice continued apace.
Suddenly the tall figure of Pussy Whisperer appeared and stopped mid path. He fumbled infront of himself. I say, I know guys pee ‘on trail’ but not ON the actual fcuking path. Without warning his right elbow appeared and he commenced a sawing motion for a minute. I kept shtum in my shock and then the red hanky came out. Once he was done with whatever he was doing, I yelled OnOn and passed minding where I set foot.
As we came out of the forest towards properties, I saw the usual collection of shambling excuses on their way back. Robin Banks was actually running at one point, Horny Monkey was back on trail, yay, and Superman appeared as is his wont.
Paper led thru a long, flat orchard. I caught SheepShagger at the end of it and jogged on towards some other figures. Amusingly about half a dozen of the leaders went wrong quite close to home, Gravy, Piggie, Sondra etc and I spied them returning to true trail and heading right. How so many went wrong at once was a mystery but never overestimate hashers.
Back at the A the hare nervously headed off on his bike as dusk approached to go hunt down iHop who hadn’t appeared. I think he regretted it, as the larger than life Tar Heel was 2 km behind Tiptoe, in the forest, taking selfies as darkness fell. Darwin Award nominee. Seconded.
The circle was a bit long and became a Graven & Superman love fest. Get a motel next time lads.
Super set and a good group of guys. Sondra was named Norwegian Wood, I mean Mr Potato Head, and admitted enjoying his 2 weeks in CM.
Coon Alit

18th Sept – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Canal Rd footy field, plenty of great trails around there and plenty of old paper too, writes Alice. What would Poo do?
Well he messed us around on the footy side for the first part and as we came to the road some FRB yelled OnOn going up right and the pack followed towards the call but soon questioned lack of paper.
Continuing along the trail I found paper to the road and expected a circle or a switchback up towards the calls. Instead paper ran down the road to my left and across the bottom of the snakehead temple. Circle check. Mmm, the hare had appeared with powder in hand and smiling. Something was up!
Checking down to the left of the Wat approach I was sure I’d messed up but not for the last time today I was spot on. I did relieve myself in a bush without calling until the lizard was truly drained. This was duly noted by Chacky and regurgitated in the circle.
On trail again I came to another circle at the end of the flat ravine bottom.. The doi rose ahead and sideways. Likely trails left and a steep unknown one to the right. I chose right for bloody mindedness sake and it was steep. I was certain Poo hadn’t been up here and there was no sign of paper. Expecting the on call from way across left with a deep ravine to cross, I broke the tree line to check where I actually was. Blow me, behind the snakehead temple and there was paper ahead! I called and shook a leg.
That was the last most buggers saw of me as I put my best foot forward up into the doi and followed my own trail of a few weeks ago for the next 4 km more or less. At every check there was the chance Poo would change things, but he didn’t until a Km from the end. Right at the next circle, across the trail bike path, intersecting the ridge path and down to the valley. Here Poo could have gone right and around the south side but trail thankfully went left and so did I.
I was calling circle checks, on ons and occasionally heard shouts about 250m behind I guessed. My shirt was drenched and uncomfortable. I started feeling like the mist was descending. Would I do a Byte My Yahoo?
Poo went left at a junction where my path was right through forest but coming out of the familiar valley, he saved his best and sneakiest check. Running down towards my A bucket near Tin Tin, a circle check surprised me. I was sure it must be a False Trail but Poo hadn’t mentioned those. I reckoned he’d gone down and across the road and used HRA trails on the east side. Just before heading that way, I checked the path behind me and found an opening into tall grass. It wasn’t promising at all and shouts came from back on trail. Here my bid for glory was going to end. A blue pipe in the hugely overgrown property, let’s make sure….bollocks it was a blue pipe – but 10m on and low down was paper!
With energy renewed I managed to follow Poo’s winding trail in good time though familiar and a few unexpected ways.
Another switchback check and I was in the soft deep leaf gulley. Pushing on, I was on my own back to the A, voices fading behind well me. A last attempt to derail the Alice Express above the cockfight place. A circle to my right.. Was it down through the trees and the path along the big flooded quarry?
I thought about looking there for a moment, then pushed on straight and in my light headed state was chuffed to see those short, white paper strips.
Turning into the red gravel area there was a welcoming huge flour oN In and arrows. Poo looked carefully as I strode in then bemusement followed as minutes passed and no Chacky or Turkey or Piggy or Sheepy. After 5 minutes Pigshite ran in and Shrek appeared where others were expected. Turkey came home from his usual wrong direction and Sheepy was way later. That switchback check towards Tin Tin has done some sterling work and buggered the pack hollow.
Fine set from Poo, welcome home Angry and welcome again to Joel. Kai and Frozen brought up the rear and fielded raucous suggestions as to what they’d been doing with each other’s rears!
OnOn,
Alice

11th Sept – CH3 – Sheep Shagger

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

By Alice

Funny how some people think how others think, or think they know what others know.
Sheep Shagger set solo from the crem out back of the Samoeng Rd footy field and was pretty sure everyone knows where it is because he laid a trail there months ago.
Well the first three arrivals all missed turns or weren’t sure, mostly because the HHH weren’t ready when we arrived. TipToe careering past towards Samoeng as our hare
struggled to secure his sign while standing in front of it!
Today was auspicious. The Kwaz’s last Male hash run until he returns. Years he reckons. 6 months according to Mystic Frozen Dick.
The A has a belter of a shelter but weather was fair and off we were sent. Checks had sheep images but not always circles-and False Trails had sheep but no bars anywhere “and they’re obvious when you get there” according to the hare. Both had yellow paper to use. Clusterfcuk ahead methoughtat the brief. And yes, clusterfuck broke out
at the first of each as none of the FRBs could be certain what they were dealing with.
Eventually we traipsed up through an orchard on a little path as we headed upwards. After 2 strips, nothing. The farmer told Shrek he’d not touched any paper. He’d probably tell him his relations with animals are natural. Lying road had stripped probably 200m plus and we were fcuked again.
Luckily we could see paper high on a quarry wall top track. We headed in that direction after coming across a FT from the wrong way, then a circle in close order. Portents not good and receding.
Luckily things went far better from here on in. We jogged the high quarry trail and the circle at the end was straight on. Left and we were too soon back.
Nice running tracks were enjoyed all the way to a broken area that turned into forest. The pack had spread. I was with Kai then caught Pigshit and a couple of others.
Forest was thick enough but well marked. Out we came and right to a circle that had been dealt with but not clearly.
Here Sheepy linked various trails that I recognized from Shagless or Blows Herself sets. I was feeling ok and suddenly we were at a circle with the emerald rice vista ahead. The Turk was yompibg thru the field. A couple of others were making progress tight to the field’s edge. No surprise that I found paper on the extremity. Turkish knows the area so was taking the line of least variance as the mathematicians call it. Shortcuttingbastardoffpaper is the layman’s term.
We were not far out now and traipsing along a narrow dyke on the canal side of the beautiful field. The sun was low and the green was mesmerizing. I jogged past Cecile B deShrek and promptly tumbled as I stepped down a hole.
Soon we heard shouting ahead. ChuckWao and Poo had crossed the bridge and were checking on the tarmac beyond. On was called then cancelled. We all looked back over the west side, then everyone piled back over the bridge. The Turk had vanished.
On a whim I checked into the paddy again. After 60m a sneaky little white square low down and another and another! On on!
I jogged steadily on the dykes and jumped across to a concrete road then back onto grass and there was Sheep Shagger at the back entrance to the A!
Only Kwaz was back having headed up the hill right where
we’d lost paper and done his own thing off paper from thence.
Mid pack and walkers came in ahead of CW and Midder Poo, who’d taken another (peed off) farmer’s advice. Finally the Turk from the wrong direction and on road!
Kwazi was toasted in the circle and a few bog seats, cocks, silly hats were awarded to miscreants.
OnOnOn was a beef buffet at Eurodiner, many thanks to the hare for sponsoring and the GM and staff for hosting. Aroy mak mak.
Alice
Ps thoughts and prayers for Florida residents and property owners.