Category Archives: CH3 – Write Ups

22nd June – CH4 – Cumalot

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Courtesy Alice:-

Cumalot and Boy Wonder Omsin wove a masterful trail of treachery and deceit in the hills and vales around the Canal Rd footy field.
I was feeling pumped and ready to really push myself, HIIT sessions in the bank and guilt from last night’s Yummy pizza extravaganza.
We were on small white strips, marked A1. Paper generally faced runners, circle checks were in clear sight and perfectly situated, it was time to challenge ChackWao and the rest!
At an early check I took the unlikely option away from the hills and ChackWao mentioned as such, although he added it has been used before. After 100m, a cleverly positioned strip revealed itself and I was on! The next few km were a carbon copy, as I nailed perhaps 5 out of 8 and managed to get a few hundred metres ahead of the pack. Making the most of my fortune, I pushed hard and managed to chose correctly second time around on the checks I got wrong.
We went up into the forest, three choices and I took the middle up. Right again and into deeper, more dense bush. I couldn’t hear the pack now. Trail went down into a dry stream bed then up a thick spur on narrow ill defined animal paths. Parts were runnable and parts that weren’t I bashed on as fast as I could.
A beastly check at a saddle after 30 mins had me take the brave option and head higher and steeper. I heard Chack yell OnOn and descended at a lick. To my surprise, he was still making his way up to the check so I chose one of the two main options and again that lovely little white strip with A1 popped out after a scampered 100m through the woods.
Here the trail became very narrow and often just bush bashed. Paper was harder to see and the hillside was dodgy with Poo sticks and rocks underfoot. I slid a few times but stayed upright. Apparently HRA crashed a couple of times and his posterior needed TLC tonight.
I was still ahead but it was hard work facing checks alone and just trying not to get caught. I crashed into a barb wire fence that was papered but only for us to run along. Chacky was closing and we came down off the hills towards some roofs below.
At the next junction he overtook me probably 600m from home! flew down the wide path then slowed and yelled Looking! I seized my chance and ducked right into a clearing. There was paper, a weir and thick, tall grass to wade through. I was passed yet again after a minute and the lanky Antipodean had glory flaring in his nostrils. Paper clearly marked trail ahead all the way to the road. There was one last chance the hares had some final magic up their sleeves with a False Trail where Chacky was headed….I turned left hoping against hope to find hidden paper and hear a forlorn False Trail call. My hopes were dashed as On In rent the air – I’d never catch the larrikin now.
Taking a chance I beetled down my path through the trees, parallel to the road, and Chacky’s calls. A sharp right and I was also out on the road but 30m back alas, and thus followed the seasoned Sandgroper over the finish line just shy of 45 mins I think.
A superb set with lowland trail, fields, forest, hills and a dry creek bed, oh and some barb wire. The hares were astute in their route and variety of twists and turns; I felt very pleased I’d risen to challenge them. Kudos to ChackWao for hunting me down. HRA, Sex Pistol, Sheep Shagger and Blows Herself steamed home in short order, ABB, Does Nothing, TipToe and finally long time returnee Baldrick stumbled in on a twisted ankle and a tale of lost trail.
Circle was light and fun, especially Shagless splashing DGI for knicker malfunction at Butter is Better, then the revenge splash had a Police citation complete with colour picture and 500 THB fine for carrying his helmet while driving his motorbike. Touche!

19th June – CH3 – ABB & Cuckold

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Rating: 7.2/10 (5 votes cast)

So Cuckold was the mystery co-hare! Remembering his history at Maejo, I was tempted to turn around and run, but had faith that ABB would keep him under control… We set off and the paper was a bit on the environmentally friendly side – not always straightforward to spot the next bit, and promptly running out at a junction. I peeled off to the right and finally the young eyes of None of Your Business spotted a circle check hidden behind leaves on the back of a tree (so I’m told, I didn’t see it!) I nearly gave up checking to the right, and when I turned back there was a flash of whitish paper on the back of a tree… I was ON!

There is a fork in the road, and no obvious paper, so I carried on the main road to the right. 50m or so later I spotted paper up the hill to the left on the other bit of the fork. I found a way to climb up and called as CW and the pack were catching up. We looped up the hill a bit, before descending through a little village – no checks, just a few dogs and kids to throw rocks at. A circle check gave some options. It was possible that it was a back check, but I thought we’d gone too far through the little village (whenever ABB is hare, I’m looking out for backchecks!). It couldn’t be right, so I turned left. Nada, which left the straight option, which would have been straight off the cliff, headed towards the saddle. I headed in that direction, and sure enough paper – good luck to whoever had to lay paper straight off the cliff from that check!

I had told myself to take it steady today, as I want to do a longer run tomorrow, so I idled my way over the saddle. Paper was in places good, but then in others there could be 20m+ between strips. I got to a bit where I couldn’t find any paper, so eventually assumed there was a check hidden away somewhere. NOYB showed up and I headed down to the little dried up dyke and mud road. NOYB found paper just as I found a circle, and he lead a few other runners down the hill towards me. Turned right on the road, and after 100m or so spotted paper on the trail the other side of the dyke. Found a place to hop over, and carried on with Sheep Shagger kicking the circle out behind me.

Another junction, and paper leading straight on past it – Sorry ABB, I’m not falling for that! Sure enough I could call On as CW got to the corner behind me. Again – paper to the right, no chance! I think I nailed 3-4 back checks in a row, and perhaps that split the pack as CW and I didn’t hear anyone else again. Trail was tough to figure out in places, and one stretch through the nursery it had clearly been taken down – fortunately we had a good idea where we were headed and picked up trail leaving the main entrance. Again trail tough to follow through shiggy, but it had to be headed towards the mainer trail by the other shelter. Having seen paper on the drive in, we had to be headed towards it, so a 50/50 circle. I was wrong, CW was right, but I caught him up at another back check.

We crossed over the road into the main Tiger’s Head forest, and I was sure we’d be headed parallel with the road back, as surely this was already going to be a long run. A circle here took some solving with CW and I checking several options each. Finally he called it and I headed towards his call, not entirely sure where the check was now. I rejoined trail and caught him up at another check. Damn we were headed deep into the forest – this was going to be a long, long run! That next check screwed me up, as it wasn’t a back check, but I went up 2 possible trails that were wrong trying to make my way towards CW’s call. One of them had yellow paper neatly marking the way, but sadly it was old paper.

The trail was leading inevitably towards the hill – you had a choice hares, you could have gone around it! I was on my own, CW somewhere ahead, the pack should have been behind. Keep going, keep going. On the ridge, I jogged along, and finally found CW coming back from checking the wrong way. WTF? It had to be left! Surely? We were at the 5 trail junction, and the obvious way back was down into the gully and out… It wasn’t and again, very good job to the hares – several times, even late into a run you outfoxed me with checks. CW called it, and I trailed him back home. As I ran in, I was expecting to tell the hares that they might have to wait a long time for the rest of the pack to get there – instead, I found most of the pack sat down tucking into a beer! WTF? Everyone else had given up and short cut back?!? Shame on you!!! The 2nd half of the run was marked much more clearly, and the whole thing was a great set – a very tough 8.8km – I guess I don’t need to do a long run tomorrow!

Lonely Fly By

12th June – CH3 – Alice

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On Alice, by Alice…

The A site was swiftly changed when a dead dog was found in the abandoned building. Frozen wondered whether the 2m cobra was responsible….and all in all a move across the valley seemed sensible.
Turkey sidled up eyes gleaming, “I saw your paper!” he confided in the manner of a naughty schoolboy. So the Turk had arrived early to recce. Humph. More evidence for the case against the accused.
The pack were running on white paper dipped in blue octopus blood aka Sheep Shagger’s old printer ink. Alice had held up a strip of Blow’s Herself’s yellow just to wind things up a tad!
And they’re off! Into the overgrown path around the little lake they went, apart from the Turk who scampered up the in trail, found paper the wrong way and yelled On On as he disappeared into the wild, green yonder in reverse.
Luckily Frozen Dick espied a potential path from the tricky circle in the gulley with various spur and streambed options. HRA went past and found true trail loud and clear. Turkey’s fading calls from the wrong direction had confused matters and alarmed the hares. Thankfully no one followed the heir of Anatolia.
Up the side of the hill went the pack with a circle on top. A late arrived ChackWao and Turkey ascended from another path but soon located trail and walkers. Left was on on and then down, down, down a narrow hillside path to the lakes property.
Here things got interesting. HRA and Lars found paper up the hill and followed around the forest edge. The false trail stopped them in their dainty tracks and wiped out any advantage. Turkey looked down in the river bed ravine and spied paper, allegedly. Here the story gets confused with Turkey claiming complete success on all further checks, Vs and FTs to arrive home first in 46 mins. Chack and the rest swore blind they never saw a glimpse of TD from then on and the weight of evidence is probably in favour of the majority. The Turk did describe the V check on the saddle – mountain pass in Superman’s lingo – but how he got there remains known only to the Turk and his maker.
The rest of the pack descended into a long sandy creek bed emerging in the centre of the property. A circle went right and around the edge of the forest on a well runable path. Suddenly a turn into the forest back from a FT soon after another circle. Along a wet streambed the pack stumbled, sandy, rocky and quite scenic. From here Chack Wao escaped when the trail became a clear path, rocky and uneven in places, up it climbed, turning and twisting towards a main left right trail. Paper went left to a circle 40m away. There was straight on the main path, left back into the forest or right up a steep gully in the facing hillside. Chack tried all three, assisted by Shrek before ABB simply emerged, turned right and found paper 50m from the junction. From then on it was all downhill. ABB’s internal gyroscope was functioning well and after Chack’s arrival a few minutes after TD, ABB swiftly followed by HRA hove into view. Kwaz appeared from 180 degrees the other direction like a sprite borne on a scented zephyr, and admitted knee pain made him turn left once over the hill and trudge back along the road. Sheep Shagger came home loaded with rocks again and Shrek grimaced as he told of lessons learnt that checks aren’t always 180 infront. Does Nothing strode in then the famous jungle call announced Frozen and his buddy Tiptoe and soon we were settling down to social drinking, the usual bickering, a good natured circle and the hash song closed events at site. OnOnOn was at Grill of India, everyone enjoyed except the GM.

5th June – CH3 – Sheep Shagger

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Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast)

(Courtesy Alice)

Sheep Shagger was flying solo in the hills behind the Samoeng Rd footy pitch and he not only took off without assistance and flew scenically around but landed safely although not on the right runway!

The A site was a very decent shelter away from our usual haunt so that added something to the run. Luckily the weather was fab so we didn’t need the cover at all. Good to see Softballs back and the average age was much reduced by Spitz Spunk and Just Jeff.

We were running on playing card sized white squares and Sheep Shagger said he’d taken any other paper down he’d seen. Oh how we regretted that blatant fib! Back checks were 3 pieces stapled together and Falsies were No Sheep signs. All well and good. On on.

Off we went heading up a familiar hill. An early check had me in a field to the right with paper hanging under a tree. Long yellow paper and long white strips. No probs, old shit. Chacky and the Turk were blazing trails, Spitz was in the van and the checks had us bunched. The Kwaz was motoring and Frozen was striding out at back of pack.

A bit higher up the hill, we dropped a few stitches. A check had us struggling and we were heading steeply up as On On was called. Paper was sparse but looked fresh. The issue was that it was KnockOut paper, the same length but half a cm narrower.
Paper disappeared but we spread out to solve the mystery….in vain.. and bashed on up the steep winding path where KO had the beer stop. The pack weren’t happy at this point and a tad confused. What was the hare up too?

CW and TD scouted further and found current paper leading up from another route from the right to join our path. Result! We were on again. Running round below the curved summit of a hill we came to a V which threw us all. Right went on then totally stopped. Left went on…then a bar was spotted. We piled back down the right track, there was a very long gap without paper, and a spur down and right was suddenly clearly marked….then again nothing. It just stopped. I went down and further. Others retraced and found a circle I think in the forested summit. It was all a bit hit and miss at this point. The pack were doing good impressions of heads up their arses chickens.

Alice carried on around under the summit to join up with the guys shouting Circle Check from above. On on was called going right and here we had the best part of the run. High trails, trees, views, and good checks. At one Turkish arrived first and ordered Chacky down the less attractive left option. TD went right and Alice saw him about 100m away, silently checking and refusing to respond the “Turkey, Are you?” Chacky was on and we flew down the path to catch him at the next circle. Turkish arrived after Alice and Jeff and the Son of Anatolia neglected happily to break the circle. The guy does play a different game to the rest of us.

A Falsie slowed the loping Aussie as he hadn’t listened at harebrief. Three small squares does not a very clear check back bar make. Down we cantered around the hill on lovely trails to a huge R and arrow pointing left up a trail. Sheep Shagger here was definitely trying to be clever, or too clever. It worked! Again 3 or 4 clear papers then nothing. Or nothing we could see. Frustration. Tiredness. The R was so clearly marked. Push on.

The FRBs explored further and a few hundred metres on around found a False Trail sign and out trail paper, which we followed back in, harrumphing and discussing WTF.

Only Spitz and Father Abraham himself ABB, actually found a check back bar 20m past the R sign and returned to the 4 way and went right on the true R trail. We spied them coming back on an impressive looking path half way up the huge quarry wall. Does Nothing, Kwaz and Softballs came in on true walkers’ trail and it was time for a well earned circle of fun. Federbrau proved too tempting for Alice as well as Kwazi’s Decathlon throne when the NY native was on ice.

Fine trails and good scouting from the Shagger of Sheep. Sod’s law we found very similar but recent paper. Suggest check main routes off circles for 120m and rip down anything. Or mark your paper. Checkback bars needed to be longer and clearer, the shitty ink on Falsies was no problem apart from having to stop to make out the funny image. A fun run, excellent use of terrain and trails and a friendly OnOnOn in Fajitas Tex Mex.

29th May – CH3 – HRA

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

(By Alice)

Forest Dump
HRA set a twisty, swirly, forest run from the new shelter behind the BaanSuanHimDoi restaurant writes Alice. It was wet when he set but luckily the rains held off for run and circle. Pack was small with one visitor, Forest Dump, a Septic from Seoul H3 originally.

Eye of the Tiger
Pre run Sheep Shagger demonstrated great skill with HRA’s blunt chopper and ploughed a few square metres of red mud while hacking the base of errant shrubbery. Turkish, with his Tiger Woods driving ability, played golf under the trees with a stick and told anyone who’d listen he’d paid 9K baht for a set of clubs, which he’d never played with.

Norwegian Wood
From the off we crossed the road into the woods and 200m later we were already buggered. The paper just stopped. No check, False Trail, just nothing. Shrek, Chack etc scampered further and further to no avail. Amusingly Frozen appears 2 minutes later from behind the milling pack, shouting OnOn as though he’d found trail.

Hallo Hallo Good to be Back
Eventually HRA was summoned and we were sent west past the farmhouse to locate paper and recommence. Back to the road and then a check, somewhere. ChackWao shouted checking and headed further along the road, other spread but quietly. I crossed the road and found a gulley heading deep into the forest behind the Snake Head Buddha Temple. No bugger was guarding the check or replied where it was, so 100m was difficult to judge. I heard an OnOn call and saw colour moving right. Guessing they’d gone up to the temple or similar I climbed up and thru to find no one and hear silence!

Take the Long Way Home
Back at the road I meet HRA and newly arrived Sloppy Rod. We get redirected to the check and trail. Damp forest, gulleys, sharp switchbacks and spurs, up, down and up. Bits of paper were missing in short sections here too and there wasn’t always enough at checks to leave clear trail to join the check to trail. It doesn’t help that some rip short strips into stamp sized morsels and scatter among stones, many of which are white.

Runaway Boy
Sloppy was running like a machine and disappeared with alacrity. I catch Frozen, describe the issue at the check – which he later describes as complaining! As if. Up through the wet, green trail, well marked until a steep but soft jungle bash down to an unkicked out check. Every bugger had run through and all the paper was still hanging by the circle. Shabby hash behaviour.
Sheep Shagger was carrying a rock the size of his head and dreaming of a road to dump it by. The road and HRA marking a W/R split came soon enough.

Wishing and Hoping
I headed across into the forest and reasoned that if trail was headed back to the A it must turn left at some point. In forest silence and alone, I clamber up a hillside hoping to find trail and paper. At the top….nothing…so I bash on up the spur to the adjoining ridge. Bingo! A check and paper hanging. Which with this pack of bastards could mean they’d already run through.
I check east down a pretty thick wooded slope for 120m, nothing. Shiite. Back up and along an adjoining spur heading south east….yeeeeeeesss. OnOn!

The Dangling Conversation
At this point I hear Chacky 80m behind and the pack of FRBs. Another check. Mmm. Left looks clearer and easier, so I go right, I know what a devious knave HRA can be. Checking right! I yell three times as someone starts to yell Circle Check. After ten seconds or so Sloppy appears on my trail 50 m behind.

Checking right I shout again.
Are you on?
Checking right!
Are you on?
Does checking right sound like on on?
Then why would I break the circle and lay paper?
How does checking right sound like on on?
Because you mumble. If you took your cock out of your mouth maybe I’d hear you clearly.
Yes, it’s that time of year again folks!

The End
Sloppy took left trail and found paper with an On On that sounded nothing like Checking right. I cut down a steep path and jumped a deep stream gulley to follow the streaking American out of the valley and up a bank to the A. ChackWao gambolled in next and the pack returned in good order. Jeff and SS with his rock plus Does Nothing were already home and Superman in a clean 18 years old hash t shirt and smart work slacks had arrived by car.
It was circle,bike and curry with the guys in town. Kudos HRA, another lovely set in one of your pet areas.

22nd May – CH3 – Alice

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

by Alice (on Alice)

Alice and Just Jim set a tough SAS selection yomp last Monday with two climbs and a ridge to contend with in hot conditions.
After 2 hours into the set, JJ was bent double, having set the FT’s and check backs up til then. He suddenly informs Alice that today was a fast day on his 5/2 diet and he hadn’t taken in any calories. FMDD!
The rest of the set was a bit of a worry but he made it hem headed home.
The circles paid tribute to Alice’s dad on his 83rd birthday. The good looks obviously skipped a generation!
The small pack didn’t lack characters and Libers was into Sups from the off.
The trail headed up the valley then up the hillside thru an orchard at the first check. Along a rocky ridge line for 15 mins with occasional views of the valleys on both sides.
At the circle off the ridge, the trail headed left on a wide forest path and FRBs HRA and ChackWao were calling the shots as ABB and DoesNothing followed them. SheepShagger was on his own mission to collect rocks for his personal Sharia court and his geological bent saw him fall behind and lose visual contact. A circle left untouched messed him up and it was GPS and guesswork that brought him home in 1:40, 30 mins after the runners.
After the forest it was open rocky road until a cheeky FT sent the pack back into the forest and down a scenic stream gorge and out into the lakeside property.
The check here was tough and it seems trail was found but from the wrong way. Another major headache for SS trailing behind and lugging 15kg of rocks by this time.
Up into the woods and it was right turn and climb, climb, climb back up the hills.
ABB sputtered about lack of trail but we laid on DoesNothing scouting paper, so blame the GM!
Once near the summit ridge the trail went right away from the out trail and round the hill and steeply down to a steep saddle. The last V check went on up the other side but an even steeper drop brought the FRBs down to the base of some spurs and a rocky streambed descent towards the lake opposite the A.
Libers led the walkers in, followed by TipToe and Frozen in just under the hour, having turned right into the valley from the check after the ridge walk.
Frozen made a witty comment about SheepShagger keeping his rocks in a box but Libers putting them in his head! When Libers got the circle, FD was banished to sit in ice-olation on Liber’s truck! A bit of BS about sitting/standing was stirred up by Libers. Coming Slow showed off his 2m snakeskin. On on in town was at The Swan Burmese and for the Hang Dong crew Lazy Falang. A tough run in harsh conditions with a small pack. Kudos gents for your sterling efforts.
OnOn, Happy Birthday dad and spare a thought for the innocent victims of Manchester.

16th May – CH3 – Frozen Dick & Chuck Wao

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

By Alice

Dream team Chuckwao and The Dick that never Melts set a belter of a run behind Frozen’s house down Canal Rd.
A small bit keen pack sniffed out trail along roads and lanes to start with before a few clever checks had us going thru a rocky puddle and scrub filled lot to a check. Hashers went every which way back on paths but Scooby and Alice had other ideas. On on! from straight across the property and out the other side.
HRA, Scooby and Poo were sharing FRB duties but the checks kept the pack guessing and together. Alice recalled some checks from ABB and previous runs in the area. They were tough then and still were.
Eventually we headed up a long lane to the forest and here the best part unfolded. We weren’t sure if they were taking us around clockwise or otherwise from the forest. The trails were great and checks did their job well.
At one point we got to a junction and HRA ploughed on to a False Trail. The pack as confused then Does Nothing saw some paper down a small but clear trail off at a tangent.
Alice was up it like a rat up a drainpipe and he got a second wind to carry him home to glory! Well, he got a few checks right and got to chose where he went on others, even if wrong.
Poo was second and followed me at some checks when he should perhaps have taken other options. At a cunning check, HRA followed Alice straight on in the rough direction of home. But there was a temping back and left track…Poo took that and we heard his plaintive OnOn call.
HRA and Alice tried to parallel through an overgrown field only to be met with wire.
Luckily there was a gap and ABB admonished them for short cutting when in fact it had been long cutting.
Poo was walking and jogging in parts and Alice managed to pass him.
Another check nailed and legs going well, come on, how long now….
Suddenly Frozen in Lanna hat on a scooter appeared at the end of the track and nonchalantly turned and drove away without eyeballing me. As if that meant I wouldn’t see him.
I sauntered after him at a decent lick and no-one caught me.
At the circle FD swore he never saw me – only Poo flying down the hill at a rate of knots, gravity assisting his 7 and a half stone runner’s build into a fine canter.
The chairs were welcome after an hour’s sweaty effort. Discussion was had and people had they say. Everyone sat save two who headed off. Keep the debate positive, don’t call anyone pussy or worse and perhaps no one will
respond in similar vein towards ‘runners’ who appear to hold ingrained views on the topic. It’s 2017. The world moves on. The pack changes. The America that 45 bleats on about being great was segregated and had lynchings of black people. What was great for the 1980s for CH3 may not suit current members and their age and ability. Keep the faith, let the debate be healthy and short, play nice, enjoy CH3 and OnOn.

8th May – CH3 – Pigshit – AGFU

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Pigshit and Does Nothing teamed up to set the FU of FU runs, writes your humble scribe Alice.
It all started so well. The rain held off. The area is scenic. It’s close to town. What could go wrong?
What could go right more like? Bleedin’ hell, someone left the gate open at the dickhead farm! The hare brief was straight forward, although the cream paper bit didn’t bode well. It looks old, it warps and wrinkles in the damp and it doesn’t stand out. But the ‘there’s a circle check that’s a bit of a fcuk up’ was a dead giveaway. ‘I left paper going up a hill in the wrong direction and forgot to take it down’. Case closed m’lud.
Into the forest we go, decent circles and Vs in all the right places then up into the hills on narrow paths and ‘sparse paper’ as Libbers called it.
We wind round and up, it’s steep, hard going, fairly overgrown and not runnable. We crest a spur and find paper leading down. Then a strange V with two pieces of paper. Then nothing. We descend another 100m to a saddle and a ravine. Still nothing. Chucky says the wrinkled cream paper isn’t cream paper but old paper. Confusion. Then old yellow paper. Fcuk. What to do?
Poo and Chucky head down and left, ABB, PeePee and SheepShagger follow nervously into the unmarked unknown, their plaintive calls unanswered. It’s 5:45. Dusk approacheth shortly.
Shagless, Alice and Bone Smoker decide to retrace on paper and we find Libbers coming up the hill. Suddenly good news. Krapthai finds THE missing circle, unbroken, and down we happy band head on true trail. The only ones!
Everyone else is fcuked up on the wrong side of the hill heading in various wrong directions! I estimate Pigshit and DN had runners 4km apart from each other at some point!
Down we skip towards home and a V then a circle coming out of the forest. I find two strips to the right, On On….and run in all the way shouting Looking! No more paper.
Krap and Shrek go back and find true trail to the left and take 20 mins more to do a large loop around and back. SheepShagger and PeePee run in from the right and Frozen Dick drives off in his truck to rescue Poo and CW who’d come out somewhere near the other A bucket. What a palaver!
The circle continued at gracious host Kwazi’s and a tasty meal of burgers and salads was enjoyed by all, after a swim for a few.
Thank you Piggy and committee for all you’ve done this past year. On on for new GM Does Nothing and his new committee of lost souls.


20th March – CH3 – HRA & Brownfinger

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Beware the Young Turks – and an older one!

The deviously devilish HRA and the confidently cunning Brownfinger combined their myriad talents to produce a masterful run for the boys of CH3.

We were out 11.5 down Canal Rd behind Suckit’s ranchero and hopes were high. I wasn’t disappointed. In fact the run had more than everything.

Hare brief stated runners were on Graven Ass strips while walkers would transfer to powder at the split and not rejoin. Apart from Frozen Dick of course. Not sure why people don’t just listen to the brief without trying to trip up the hare but a few half minds were chuntering on and trying to disrupt BF’s discourse.

Away we went up thru the orchard on TMB and Foxy’s old trail. Into the bush, down past the pastel green reservoir and after some tricky turns and checks into forest. We crossed some burnt areas and tempting streamed junctions. Here I got a couple of checks right and got ahead going along and up a blackened ridge.

Eventually we turned left but I went on to the FT and suddenly I was mid pack with SpitzSpunk and Graven and Chucky in the van. It was good running trail now, well marked and we sweated thru the accumulated heat of a hot day. Then a circle where things unraveled aa tad.

On on was called from front right but there seemed no trail. BF warned about some bush whacking so maybe…I dropped paper in the overgrown unburnt hillside as we descended but then it ran out and we weren’t on any trail. God help the guys coming behind! Then a False Trail shout from down there. Fcuk!

Bashing thru the bush we found plenty of paper in a streambed at the bottom and went left onto lovely connecting trails over stone and sand with the dappled light of early evening shading our perspiring cranii and heaving chests.

We hit a circle after a straight run down a leafy path. Pack spread, I go straight and Spitz takes the sneaky left turn that TMB employed recently and I missed twice. He finds pink paper but not ass crack white. Chuck Wao was away right, closer than he knew to true trail but we hear a faint On call from a mysterious large red object with a Fallsburg NY accent, way ahead thru the trees. I keep jogging and turning back to check for paper but none. Strange, 180m no paper strange. The large red object was becoming distinct, it was like Bigfoot all over again.

We burst out of covered forest to find Frozen boasting he’d been on runners’ trail all through and had aced 6 checks without disturbing them for us. We sauntered past to a torrent of kvetching about how dare we pass while he’s laying paper to join trail!

An excellent FT knackered me again and trail took off left down a concrete dam and up a charred hillside to a building. We weren’t too far away now.

Spitz actually run up the steep hill ahead to show Graven his power while I guarded the circle. Chuck Wao was away right on the adjoining property. Turkey was somewhere around but disappeared off the radar. Spitz called In On On and we were up the hill and suddenly around fences and properties and wide tracks.

The next circle on the corner foxed Chuck and Graven and they went straight and right. The obvious main path was left so I took that and sure enough paper.

As we approached a familiar property with new fence and gate, Graven yelled On In from behind me! I started to up my pace as the Oregonian gained on me and tried to put me off with his blather. To no avail! I won! I was Mo Farrah! David Bedford! David Hemery! Actually I was just Alice, and water not gold, my reward.

35 minutes later and well after everyone else, a bedraggled, bloody and desperate Turkish Delight staggered in, red eyed, soaking in sweat, exhausted, without water, limping and beside himself with frustration, anger and indignant rage for some reason. He was as ever, a GM’s dream.

The truth will out. The Turk had not only sniffed around pre-run but boasted he’d found the On In and knew exactly which way we’d go and how to come home. This son of Attaturk not only went off paper deliberately because he ‘knew’ the way to shortcut but he added a couple of clicks and inflicted half an hour of pain suffering and loathing on himself.

The Turkey had certainly come home to roost. Christmas and Thanksgiving had definitely come early for the GM.
On on,

6th March – CH3 – Sheepshagger

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(Courtesy of Strangely Anal)

A Child (ish) Perspective
Sheep-Shagger 1st Solo Attempt

Thank you daddy for taking me to the “Men Only” Monday Hash
It was Such fun and jolly whizz too.
Wasn’t it funny the way we all got back to the start line after 10 minutes ?
I think Shaggy Sheep got something wrong didn’t he ?
Everyone was saying, what a silly billy he is, and by the way daddy, what is a Fuckwit ?
But then it was nice to go out and do the run backwards. Some runners decided to make it up as they went, and people were going in all directions. That was so funny.
Is that good hash behaviour daddy?
Is it normal for some people to shout at other people on the trail ? You said it would be fun and that I would have such a nice time. Auntie Alice shouted at me. She said I should have shouted something. Then she shouted at me again because I didn’t shout something. She made me cry. Is she on drugs daddy ?
She wasn’t the only one shouting orders though, there were other people shouting rules like barking mad dogs as well. I think it’s time for one of the elders like that nice Mr Absolute Faceplant or Chief Graven-Mirage to tell everyone to grow up, behave and play nicely, and not like jumped up little ships captains. Don’t you daddy ?
Which one is in charge anyway ?
I like Mr Nostradamus. He’s so cuddly, but he was angry a lot of the time. Is he always angry ? I like that Whispering man too. Is he from Land of the Giants ?
Mr Piggy Oink Oink is interesting isn’t he daddy ? Which planet is he from ?
The man with the brown finger is very annoying don’t you think. He always wins. Perhaps someone should snap his leg, then see if he wins ? I think that would be fair.
As for Shaggy Sheep. Perhaps if they stuffed his head up his bottom, he might be able to see where he’s going because he certainly didn’t know which way was Up on this run did he ?
Anyway, it was nice to meet so many funny people. Thank you for taking me to my first run with the grown ups. I’m glad you thought I was ready now that I’m an adult, well, I suppose I am now that I’m 59. Just one other thought, do they let girls go sometimes. ? I’d like to see one.
Mysteriously Strangely Anal