Category Archives: CH3 – Monday

1st July – CH3 – ABB

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I’ve been fighting with an unpleasant hangover all day, so my brain definitely isn’t switched on today. I nearly went for a nap instead of heading to the hash, but forced myself out to get some exercise. I was late… Worse that expected traffic, and just generally taking longer than it should to get my shit together. The pack had 10 minutes on me when I set off – ABB offered me a short cut, but I decided against it – I need exercise!

From the shelter on the way to the Tiger Head, the trail set off out the back and over the little weir. As I’d been putting my shoes on I could hear CW as they looped around to the right and back to the road. From here trail crossed the road and head pretty straight towards the square lake, and it was here after 10 mins or so I caught Tiptoe & Frozen Dick. Across the lake I saw Softballs, and slowly reeled him in as the trail headed back towards the right.

Some of these trails were very tight – I could hear CW off to my right, but the trail didn’t immediately turn right. I could have short cut, but thought better of it and persevered. There was one bit that slowed me down as the bushes the paper was stapled to seemed to have been cut down.

And then all of a sudden there was the ONION! Around 4.5km – a short, flattish run, but given the state of my head, I was happy to be sat drinking water.

Canada Day eh?

24th June – CH3 – Soft Balls

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It was a trip out to the lake by Alpine Golf Course, and the first run I’d been on set by Softballs… It was a bit warm, so I set off alongside Pigshit, taking tips on how to come from behind by walking very slowly at the start. I tried, but after a while, I edged my way forwards.

It was CW & Skid Mark setting the pace, and I trotted along behind them. Rice fields to the right, we were heading along a nice trail along the bottom of a hill to the left. Wimp Rambo split had the Wimps heading off to the right, but instinct would have suggested the Rambo trail would be to the left back over the hill. We hit a stretch of about a KM with no checks, and I caught Skidmark while CW was up ahead. CW also expected to turn left, and got the V check wrong. In the meantime, I’d changed my mind, and guessed that the reason there were no checks was that we were heading back parallel to where we were.

I was right, and managed to jog along – another KM back with no checks, while CW slowly reeled me in and caught me at the beer stop. We were back on the road, but we struggled for a moment not spotting paper heading into the rice field to the left – an abrupt road crossing apparently. CW did spot it, about the same time I found paper further up the road, so I carried on walking so he would catch up. Seems there was plenty of confusion from there on, as paper wasn’t easy to spot. I rounded a corner and suddenly found CW & Skiddy appearing again in front of me not long before the ONIN.

Badly needed exercise!

17th June – CH3 – Frozen Dick (And Shrek)

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Another FD run from his backyard – this time purportedly assisted by Shrek, although Shrek was clearly too embarrassed to show up and have his name associated with it! It wasn’t that bad Shrek!

As I walked out of the A bucket, with Skiddy, Ting Tong & Turkish, I noted the absence of many of the usual FRBs – no CW, no Cartoon, no seasonals… I might have to do some work here. First check came very quickly, and I got it very wrong, but trying to start off gently it wasn’t a big deal. I caught up to Piggy, just as we saw some confusion further ahead. It seems Skiddy had missed his sticks – Piggy & I glanced to the right and saw paper. We looped around a field and down to a familiar multiway junction for a check. I tried 2 ways before ABB found it going sharply up the hill. I remember doing this hill in reverse not so long back – the view was spectacular today!

At the top, another circle, and despite getting there first, ABB stood looking at the circle. Turkish went straight on, I drifted off to the right (there is a shack and we’d been up that way before). Others arrived and spread out – for a small top of a steep hill, there weren’t many options. I went back to the circle and decided reluctantly to head down the steep side to the left. If I was wrong, I wasn’t looking forward to climbing back up, but thank F for that, there was paper on the back of a tree and now I had a serious advantage!

Back down into the valley, and I jogged along for a bit. V check! Got it wrong, but was back on trail as they appeared at the check. OnOn straight into some Skiddy Sticks. Damnit! I think we all wanted to look to the right, but when I finally saw a trail off up to the left, I was surprised nobody had checked it yet. It was a bit of a climb, but there was paper and I was off again! Uphill mostly, but I was moving along ok, and when the trail steered even further to the left it was highly unlikely. I turned sharp right back on myself, and when I saw the paper knew there must be some more sticks ahead there. I called out to those following me – but none of those lazy bastards bothered to make it clear for the walkers.

Downhill now, and I could run a bit. A V-check, and as I turned right, I thought it might be possible to get around the side of the hill – looking at my strava, that was clearly a dumb choice! It was left, but I was back at the check when Skiddy was marking it. Down the hill and out into the valley – we were heading back and I was ahead. A familiar trail off to the left, and no check – I assumed it was too obviously straight so the hare hadn’t bothered, only to hit some more MOTHER FUCKING sticks! Man I was pissed by that set! Half the pack had past me as we followed Piggy for a while. Piggy using his trademarked strategy of doing fuck all for most of the run, and then creaming the end.

I knew we had to be turning right, and lucked out with a check that went back up over the hill. Turkish was looking forlornly from the opposite side of a deep ravine. Som Nam Na! From here it was a LONG run out to the OnIn. Piggy slowly reeled me in, and settled into a steady pace when he caught me, urging me to keep going. Finally there was the OnIn, and I walked the last bit while Piggy breezed his way to the beer.

20th May – CH3 – Chuck Wao

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As an early disclaimer, I write this as the co-hare… CW asked if I would come and set the run with him, but also mentioned it would be early in the morning, by which he meant 7am. My alarm went off at 6, but I definitely didn’t have the required amount of caffeine necessary for human engagement by the time I was on site to help carry paper…
!
I understand it gets hot – and f**k me was it hot, but I wasn’t 100% Byte at 7am on my day off. Fortunately CW had scouted everything and promised me a simple set… Which was true for around 100m… After climbing the small cliff, CW was immediately looking for ways off to the left – ways that weren’t there… After 300m of trail, it didn’t look good staring off the side of a steep cliff – CW was running around looking for a way down, I was praying a coffee god would come and save me!

We finally found scouting plastic thread and we were off, temporarily… CW had found a decent route, but it was easier to spot from the other side, so we went the long way around and while CW marked the connect, I marked the next stretch. CW instructed me “Go down there and put a false trail”… but with time on my hands, I decided a circle would be much more challenging – it was, and it split the pack. How badly can a co-hare fuck a trail up?

The next stretch was around the lake, and with a couple of interesting additions, shouldn’t have been too challenging to figure out.

Finally I got home for a nap and some time to ready myself for the hash. It was tame enough that I encouraged all my boys to come out and give it a go! Thanks to the circle they are now well aware about Chuck Wao involving the penis.

After the pack set off we went to clean up the OnIn, and CW did a great job – not that anyone found out… He reset pretty much every bit of paper lovingly stapling it to the other side of the same leaf each time. After 400m we got to the split where the trail would come back in, and I was instructed to go and tear paper down – “for further than you think!”. I did – I went a long way, so far that I nearly caught Frozen Dick and Tiptoe. Surely that was far enough?

When I got back, I found that CW had laid the connecting paper in the wrong direction, and hadn’t found our previous mark… With a spark of “genius” I suggested making it a false trail… Once again, your co-hare fucked up the trail, as I clearly didn’t clear enough paper, while Skid Mark remembered where he was too well, while the rest of the pack didn’t bother going back to find the true trail…

I think everyone got back ok…

30th April – CH3 – Alice

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It was hot and somewhat smoggy in the morning so I set after lunch when it’s still fff hot but less smoggy.

The arrival of TipToe and Frozen driving HRA unaided, suggested signage was spot on although the Sheep Shagger and Turkey acid test may have told another tale.

With shade and a drinks stop it wasn’t too bad as the run was mostly flat apart from a short climb though the woods to an old Turkey trail.

An expected small pack proved again that quality doesn’t equal quantity. Skidmark brought Potato Head for his first CH3 run despite it being his 13th wedding anniversary. Kudos! Two German visitors pushed the Aryan quota and the Balls dynasty limits.

The hare brief was brief. White paper squares, that way, go!

I heard the calling for the first check and also the second as he pack turned left in the forest and came back to cross a dry creek, Tiptoe swinging down on the vines that probably wouldn’t have held Potato Head – with obvious results. Pigshit enjoyed that sideshow.

Up through the orchard and a tricky check at a wide t junction but true trail through the fence and into the forest.

When scouting that trail in the doi, I was convinced we’d not been there until I found compelling evidence that CroMagnum man had left his mark. Yup, Turkish Delight checks from Dec 2016.

The trail turned south and headed for some homesteads out of the forest and a 3 way where right was back to a familiar flooded quarry. So I went straight and brought the pack around to the big posh house on the corner.

Next check was the kicker. It was 30m past the corner and straight looked inviting as Strava proved. Back and across the wooden bridge it was, but Chucky stopped a few metres short and suddenly the pack were rechecking and then checking silly non options. Finally ABB went over Chuck Wao’s footsteps and found paper and it was Onon through the forest after ten minutes pluses ! Here the pack collected the last few million sticker balls I’d left behind and made two turns without checks.

Out overlooking the canal the next check above the new mansion had Cartoon and ABB looking deep in the casava field when it was straight on and down. Pigshit and Chuckwao were first to
the beer stop although the lanky Aussie needed his Seeing Pig to identify Alice, motorbike and beers.

Our German visitors made the most of it. One had two glasses and the other took his glass with him.

Potato Head had been complaining about twisted ankle and this and that. Come on son, your dad can stay home if he wants to get nagged!

The trail blew through the only V and then around a flooded quarry. FRBs traipsing around were watched by sneaky ABB who cut across the top side to rejoin trail.

The final trick was a FT and it actually worked. Cartoon and Chucky came back from the fenced alley saying False Trail.

ABB points left and runs off convinced he’s homewards bound. Wrong!
Half the pack follow the errant Sealhacker while HRA plus German stand and ignore Cartoons cries of OnOn from the right.

Finally ChuckWao returns up the path, finds the gap in the fence 40m from the bar and sees the paper link 10m away. Why anyone would run 100m from trail looking for paper off a FT beats me!

FRBs made it back just over the hour. Frozen had continued along a forest trail beyond check 2 and got thru the big property and back. Tiptoe I’m not sure of as he never made the drinks stop. The small circle was lightly handled by new GM HRA, and this tired hare enjoyed a cider.

Onon,
Alice

1st April – CH3 – Alice

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I came back from the seaside as I had a date with destiny: haring CH3 on 1st April and how well the date suited the conditions. Actually I’d scouted 2 weeks before with a mystery co-hare who shall remain nameless but Sweary Mary may give you an inkling. The day I returned was fair in the arvo so I set the run on a whim Sunday.
A small pack was no surprise, but size doesn’t always equate with quality as we know. Tiptoe was a bit challenged arriving and it was 4:55 before he fronted. We set off at 5 after as the guys filled water bottles with hydration salts.
Off they walked to the first check overlooking the rice field behind. Before long the pack were away along the riverside path and crossing over a bamboo bridge to the other side. Further down they came back over and to a check as they hit the road. Strava suggests an FRB found trail going into the property rather than the actual first few papers but no matter, the pack cantered along a narrow path above a stream and crossed to a FT, the first of a few.
Back and along the side of a field to a main path. Paper went right but the pack must have expected it to go left. I imagine a FT was suspected. Across a rickety bamboo bridge to a check and then a big box back towards the sandbag dam crossing. While setting, I saw a big black snake slither out of the paddy just a yard infront of me. I remembered to forget that in my hare brief.
Across the dam to a forest check. ABB and Graven took the obvious routes back and along either side of the river. Cartoon eventually crossed a small stream and a concrete weir to find trail along the top edge of a big lake. That check spun ’em around a bit!
Through the school and across another swampy stream into a property with dogs and cattle. No dogs today luckily. Out to a 4 way road check and a big loop towards the 1014 and back over berms in rice fields to a farming property and a tricky check with a long bamboo bridge involved in solving it. More rice field berms and a check near the road in a copse. ABB found true trail but the Turk followed pink walkers paper and Graven with Cartoon followed him to the beer stop.
The last click and a half was around the houses then a switchback to the fields and across a solid berm to the river side path and another beer stop before the On In. Pussy Whisperer, Cumlord and visitor Red Bone made the most of amber supplies. Graven made the most of the first check, skirting the A site and returning to where he’d been an hour previously. Who said Oregonians were behind the times?
Tiptoe and Mumbles marched in after the main pack after probably 1:20 +. Some of the checks hadn’t been kicked so they’d had work to do! Cartoon twanged a calf – there’s a joke in there somwhere – and All Hail the Pussy for 100 up with CH3!
OnOn,
Alice

11th Feb – CH3 – Krap Thai & Pigshit

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It’s been a while since I’ve made it to a hash, but the planets aligned and I managed to get out to my backyard in Maejo to see what Krappy Pigs had put together. Excellent signage on the way in – a good start! It was good to catch up with everyone – but I didn’t have much time to get changed and set off following the smallest bits of paper I can ever remember being used to mark trail! WTF?! I’m not sure they could have been cut smaller or thinner!

I set off chatting with CW, and we past the first V while most seemed to want to check off to the right. Somehow we were out in front at the 2nd check, and so broke into a bit of a jog for some checking – I was wrong, CW was right, and I was back catching people up as we headed into the forest trails. Luckily I managed to nail a few checks and spent a bit of time at the front as I started to get a feel for where the trail was headed. It seemed to be breaking right, and we’d gone ‘far enough’, so I started checking off to the right and twice got it very wrong. Twice I was very tempted to keep going as I was sure I would hit trail again soon – luckily I turned back both times as the hares had a twist in store.

Instead of turning right, we turned back left and went up to the ridgeline. I was way back, and had to just set a steady pace up the hill gradually catching those ahead. We made our way up and along the ridge, and eventually broke off to the left for the long decent. I’d conserved enough energy so that I could take off after the FRBs (CW, Cartoon, Strangely Anal, Graven)… But they were all still ahead of me all the way down the hill to a check as we came out of the forest. They all were focused on heading home, and followed each other straight down the hill to the left. I called RU, and they were all checking. They were headed straight towards the out trail, so I turned right and was re-energised when I found the paper. Turning left at the next trail.

Did I have enough left? I could hear them chasing me down behind – I needed to get everything right and hold them off. Beautiful trail out through the field, and no trees to put paper on, so I assumed the paper was there somewhere. I’d somehow stepped off trail and Cartoon was beasting along to my right. I got to a check steps behind him, but that gave me second choice, and the wrong choice. Legs were spent, so I walked in. Great set guys, that forest is a hash heaven!

7th Jan – CH3 – Turkish & Tiptoe

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By Alice

The birthday boys combined to bring us a very sensible and enjoyable hash run the Monday after BB2019. Surprisingly Frozen and Graven dared show their faces and even more surprisingly no rotten vegetables were hurled at them in the stocks. I guess the hashers’ balls were just too broken – or the pack too addled and decrepit to remember events a full 2 days previous more likely!
Welcome back Emma Royde, Poo, Horny Monkey, Anal Vice and Krapthai! Great to see Angry can get the songthao to the hash when he really wants to!
The Turk selected an old fav of his, out past Doi Saket and to the right. I recall a run about 8 years ago he set with Big Top. How fun to be on trails you don’t recognise, hills you haven’t trodden to death and sneaky cut throughs you wouldn’t know when asleep. Piggy and HRA excepted naturally.
Trail was an oblong – in an anti-clockwise direction I worked out early doors – going along the flat, into the fields, up the hillside to a saddle, down the hillside, around the Technical University and the Ruins of Greater Zimbabwe and back along the canal side to home.
Cartoon was the top dog today. Graven lurched and plotted and used most of Turkey’s tricks to stay up there. Emma Royde incessantly took wrong options at checks. Hardly Normal, missing two kangas in his top paddock, gave his new Salomans an outing and turned into a part time runner. Horny also gave a good impression of a man who doesn’t know his own limitations until a fall towards the end. Scooby stayed competitive. Analvice kept up well until fading later on, obviously burning the candle at both ends in Phuket hasn’t helped. Rooter did his thing and Poo ran out some of the jet lag in his system. Frozen couldn’t find joining paper from the first check so did his best Superman impression. Brownfinger – or is it Ringfinger now? – was competitive throughout. Krapthai and ABB lurked at checks but kept well up. Krappy even running hard for much of the last km I was adjacent, although that may be the reason. Sheepy brought up the rear and protested he wasn’t English.
Lively t shirt, decent circle and OnOn, big thanks to the hares for sponsoring most of the packs’ pleasures.

5th Jan – CH3 – BALL BREAKER – Frozen Dick, Shagless & Graven Image

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Byte’s write up is “Colourful Paper”.

The rest is by Alice.

Taste my Buns asked Frozen Dick on Friday night what the trail was like. “50% runnable” he replied, “And 50% not!” So it just shows hares don’t always lie.
Frozen, Shagless and Graven Image teamed up to set a rather challenging three legs of pain, strain and do it again in the hills, ravines and valleys of Ob Kham. But mostly the first two.
I wasn’t doing great:sore back, dodgy ankles, sore Achilles – I was hoping to survive A leg and then see. Well I saw and I did the whole shebang, with a bit of give n take on leg 1. Am writing this in bed Sunday am so don’t actually know if I can walk this morning yet.
It all started with the liquorice allsorts of HHH signs which hares should specify. NON STANDARD signs. Do NOT look for red on white! the email should say. I was hoping the trail would be marked more clearly in better colours. More of that later.
Off we went from onto familiar trails and after one neat hidden trail up from the first sandy valley which was after a Skiddy stick FT, I knew where we were and climbed vertically to the ridge of the property. The check looking down into valley 2 could be down the steep hillside or left back through the woods to the initial main lateral path. I favoured option B and followed TMB and Scooby although most everyone didn’t. A faint Germanic ONON! and I thought I was getting into the hare’s head. Tricky, intricate, tight. The next circle where 4 choices present was easy as no one had turned up 2nd valley. After 100m there was blue paper with BB. I was in the lead! I was reading the hare! A little too well as it turns out.
Next check I again went straight but without too much confidence. TMB went up into the forest and I know she and Frozen know trails there. Browny paced behind me, looking very Smurf like in his yellow condom headgear and shouted that I was on as he could see something blue on the fence another 50m ahead. So could I but it didn’t look right. It was metal I think and trail had been called from inside the forest now 250m away. What to do? Be brave and carry on! I reckoned there was a good chance Frozen would bring us out of the forest into the paddock just ahead. I padded forward as the pack disappeared way behind me into the bush. I was alone – save for a great big chalk arrow and Beer Near sign. ‘Kinell, I was at the end of leg 1 already after less than 2km. Talk about second guessing the hare!
Being a true sport, I retraced trail backwards into the forest – completely surprising Frozen in the process who yelled: What the fcuk are you doing here, you’re running it backwards! As if! I carried on until I heard the FRBs approaching and watched as small groups stayed together at checks rather than spreading and leaving the kicking out to someone else. That theme was to repeat itself for the next 3 hours.
After the beer stop it was up, up, up to a forest ridge after a V hadn’t been kicked. Sex Pistol and self climbed steeply right, no calling at all from the left. Wtf? Poor hashing. Eventually at 120m she called OnOn! despite no check back from down left. We went up and over down to a saddle only to find the FRB group running in from the left off trail. Why had they ALL run left together thru the V and not seen the Checkback? Why hadn’t one of the bastards gone up and kicked the V if they thought it was left? Fcukers all went wrong and got onto blue first leg paper which they followed like idiots for a while. Som nom na!
Tricky trails, steep, narrow, ravines, creek beds and a ridge path lead us to a stupid ‘something’ after a cruel and pointless 100m steep ascent. ABB could not decipher it. ‘A box of flour with all paper in tact’ he said. Doesn’t look like a circle or a FT. And no paper trail anywhere. Down through the trees I see Turkish standing silently at a circle. Why a circle check so close and not connected to this ‘thing’ ABB came across?
By the time Sex Pistol, ABB, Suckit and Blows Herself had got to the circle, Turkey had silently departed and paper was strewn in every direction but not helpfully. We followed ABB right on a decent trail and scoured for trail paper. It was leaf green on this 2nd leg, and er, well camouflaged in many places. 5 mins later we reversed and found a small hillside trail going left from the circle. Very cute, but clearly marked would have saved us ten mins. More than a few circles were kicked out but paper only went 15m and then there were multi options. This gets more irritating the more tired and hurt one becomes. And I was both. By the time I came to the second beer stop along with Shrek and Pussy Whisperer I didn’t even realise I’d been on trails I knew for the km at least.
Shrek had a nasty skin issue on his heel so called it a day. HRA was happy with his 12km. I was tempted to quit and my heel hurt. Annoyingly after taking off my shoe, sock and strapping and replacing and retightening, it didn’t feel too bad so I grabbed the LAST small water and set off with Sloppy Rod and Andreas, keen to see how the hare got us over the hills to the familiar terrain we must enter on the other side.
I wasn’t so keen while I was doing it, hard going, tiny paths, steep drops, a stony creek bed that pushed my ankles over their limits, bush whacking ups and down etc. Finally we came out on a trail I’d investigated before but was so overgrown I’d given up after 50m! Now we could jog a bit up the hill to the water towers, down past the cows and up to the blue roof house and a long curving lovely trail through the forest. From here on I was aware of all the hare’s options but he surprised me with a little forest path left off a dirty circle mid track. Down and back into the end of sandy valley and the long, straight jog home. Wrong! The bugger took us into the bush and along the hidden valley trail behind the first range of foothills. Frozen’s paw print all over that move! Out of the forest after a steep ravine traverse on a narrow path between two fences of lethal new barbed wire. “Don’t fall into that” I urged myself as my shattered body moved down to the big OnIn on autopilot and I could suddenly see the hashers and cars at the A site field opposite. “You look stressed” says Strangely. But not as much as some.
Big thanks to the hares for all their efforts and the pack for their company and commitment. ChiangMai Ball breaker 2019 did what it says on the tin

10th December – CH3 – Suckit & Brownfinger

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By Alice

Gripe out of the way first. Run directions said 1st turn after the U. No sign but took it anyway. Fail. Took 2nd turn. Fail. No pin to click on website just GPS that aren’t active and can’t copy into GMaps on my phone while on bike.
Pissed off, wasted journey, head home. 8th left turn after the U there’s a well camoflaged HHH with red Hs on orange background. Wtf! Game on!

Got there and downloaded on Suckit. Sorted ShSh’s on trial camelbak and set off after everyone else.

Beautiful trails well
marked and many options at the many checks. Pleased the frb’s had all the headaches!

Recognized trails from BF and TMB runs starting from behind Suckit’s; great and varied they are:sandy paths, forest tracks, stony creek beds.

After about 2km I reel in Frozen and Superman. A check hadn’t been connected and it takes Sup’s eagle eyes to spot paper ahead.

Next up were Tiptoe and Rooter, striding away like good ‘uns. Hardly Normal in his fab Nadi hash top came next before Softballs and his poor hearing. Softy was full of the joys of spring, gamboling like a young lamb and even running with joy. I know that feeling after months of Achilles pain.

The thing about the camelbak is handsfree and can carry keys, money and extra water if needed. You have to stop to take water on board and get your sucking and breathing
right. Overall the experiment was a success, albeit a sweaty one.

Just before the A site a large group of water buffalo eyed me suspiciously and turned to face me down, bristling and skittish. I know how Suckit felt as the hashers arrived just before 4:30 and vented in his direction!