Tag Archives: Human Excrement

29th December – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Shhhhhhhh! Something is stirring in the weird and wonderful world of Chiang Mai hashing. Something totally unexpected and totally marvellous to behold. No, I am not talking about the ‘second coming’ of Turkish delight to the Happy Hash, I am referring to the growing but yet unsubstantiated belief that we are now beginning to set much longer hash runs, and we are somehow able to run them faster, much faster, despite our advancing age profile.

Now I recall the time, not so long ago, when hares on one particular hash were advised/instructed by one particular GM, perhaps on the advice/instructions of a former GM or two of the same hash, to set hash runs at around 5k, suitable for runners and walkers alike, no need for a Wimp/Rambo split. But now it seems that this learned, insightful advice is being rapidly chipped away from that particular tablet of stone.

But is it in fact true? Are we running longer and faster? Well, according to my own data since returning to Chiang Mai at the end of October this year, yes, indeed it appears to be so. Runs of 5-6k have increased generally to 7-8k, and during November and December, before this Happy Hash, I have recorded runs at 7.59, 8.09, 8.69 and 8.89k at average speeds of up to 10.3k.

So then, it was with curiosity and post Christmas cheer that I joined the merry throng of many hashers for Prof Byte and Human X’s seasonal offering. Could it be that they too would continue the trend of longer runs? Would we hashers be able to keep up the increased tempo? Well it all started very seasonably, if not a little disturbingly, with a seasonably merry (drunk?????) Byte giving a hare brief about a run he couldn’t remember setting. Excellent example for Human X on his long-awaited co-hare debut! Suddenly, Byte somehow remembered that he had forgotten to put out paper for the false trails – if indeed there were any false trails – and with the inebriated bum still handing out strips of paper to the FRB’s just in case there were false trails out there, we all headed out on trail.

Now I am going to say here that Byte always, well almost always, manages to set a very good trail, particularly for the FRB’s who like the challenge of a well placed check or two. And this trail was no exception. I have to say also that although we were running from a well-used A site area, most of the trails were new to me and I very quickly became disorientated by the hares’ clever tricks of the trade – three successive false trails, WTF?

The trails were for the most part great for running, wide dirt trails and single forest trails interspersed with some unwelcome but probably unavoidable hard-top. I must admit, I got most of the checks completely, ashamedly wrong! Nice job hares, you bastards! And now to the speed of hashers on trail. We seem to have attracted some very good runners lately so that the FRB pack is growing. Lizard Gizzard is always out at the front and is of an age where running at our old-age pace is a breeze for his youthful physique. And we had new blood, James, and a returning visitor who called himself ‘No Name’. With some coaching, virgin James helped out with the checks from the off, as did No Name, until James got frightened by a couple of yappy dogs and jumped screaming into the open arms of Knockout for protection. So even without the likes of Piggy and Chucky, we still had the likes of Buns, Gravy, Sloppy, Scooby, Poo, Gizzard, James and No Name helping up front and definitely pushing the pace, which for me came in at a 9.1k average. Not quite the 10.3k average achieved on a previous run, but certainly pretty fast for this run and for hashing in general, I would say. Lets hope that James and No Name hang around for a while, sure would be welcome additions to our little hashing community.

Oh yes, nearly forgot Turkish Delight’s frantic efforts to drag himself through a whole heap of shiggy-shit that was blocking his way on one of his infamous short-cutting expeditions. It was a thing of beauty to behold and to hear his yells and screams of pain as we passed him bye almost without a single word of encouragement. “Die, you bastard.” was all Gravy could offer in that regard, or words to that effect.

As for the distance, well it was even longer than longer. For me, a full 10k hash run, set without a Wimp / Rambo split, although some form of short cut option was offered at some point, or so it was said. And nobody complained, smiles all round, especially from James who had his head up Knockout’s shirt when they eventually arrived back at the A, apparently still hiding from those pesky yapping dogs. Yeah, right! Great hasher in the making! And Lizard Gizzard wasn’t at all worried by his girl’s late arrival because he has her followed by a tracking app so he knows exactly where she is every single second of every single day. Creepy, man. Mr Poo is going to get one to keep track of Knockout, or so he says.

Funny circle conducted by prof Byte was washed down by free hash beer. In fact the entire event was free to one and all, courtesy of our always happy, Happy Hash Hash Cash. Nice one, Gravy, and nice one Prof Byte and particularly Human X who’s hair continues to impress us all.

Ball Breaker next week? If our normal runs are reaching 10k, god knows how long the BB will be. Let’s hope its a good one whatever the distance :-)

4th August – CH4 – Human Excrement

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Why does Human Excrement hate us so much??? Perhaps I should ask Klaus Barber to do a write up – I’m sure he really loved today’s run – not! 😉

Last time I was at that runsite, Human Ex was being trained by Skiddy, and they decided not to go to the top of the hill – today, without Skiddy holding him back, Human Ex showed his Square Rooter style… – see a hill, and find a way to get up it.

We set off and things were ok. With some hairy visitors, the pack was strong. We ran through a couple of checks, and a couple of places there could have been checks, before we entered the valley. I checked to the left at that circle, as I really didn’t want to go into the valley… Sadly, the trail led us into the valley – with home advantage, I knew there was no way out without going up, and Beautiful Box and I contemplated finding a short cut when the trail headed up concrete stairs.

Somehow I got to the front at the top of the hill but when the downhill started it was trouble… The hare had found a trail up the hill, but not really bothered to find a way back down. It was a vertical descent that had the pack scattered. The likes of Chuckie stormed by, and Able Seaman leapt off the mountain. For those of us carrying injuries it wasn’t so easy going – and poor Klaus Barber some way behind had real troubles with Frozen Dick. Fortunately we survived, and had time to send the hare back to hare school! He scouted it 5 times??? Seriously???

31st March – CH4 – Humperdick

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.7/10 (3 votes cast)

Humpers took us to Ob Khan for the happy hash – a runsite quite familiar being the same A bucket as the 400th run. A reasonable turnout despite the Bunnies being the same day.

We were pointed out up a short rise to an early circle check. Only Angry Inch was interested in running – and he promptly got it wrong. I was feeling tired and lazy, and had little intention of putting too much into it, hoping I could stay with the FRBs for a while – except I kept hitting the checks. Thats great until a check is Skiddy sticks.

Nonetheless I led the way down and into some deathly canyons. Being at least vaguely familiar with the area, I didn’t expect him to take us into the depths of the canyons, as there was little way out. So, Alice took over towards the front, winding deeper and deeper into them. Finally I started climbing up a spine between 2 canyons, with virgin Brad, Graven Image and Human Excrement leading others up behind us. It turned out that was a good call, as it avoided an “unavoidable” climb for the rest. We went further, arcing around a ridge back to the trail, but still got to the descent first.

Graven led the way down, and by the time we saw Humps taking photos at the bottom, my legs were shot. Another ridge took it out of me, and gradually I lost the pace. A nice interesting set though, with an interesting canyon variation.

24th March – CH4 – Human Excrement

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Human Ex teamed up with Frozen Dick out in ‘my’ area past Doi Saket. It was Frozen’s birthday run, and the free t-shirts are always appreciated! A slightly different A-site, and the hares were busy trying to feed false information out to us.

We set off through the field that FD had used on a Saturday recently – interesting that he’d chosen a different A-site, but as I jogged along I remembered Skiddy’s faceplant. It had to go left and into the hills, where FD is proud of having found some ‘new’ trails. As we cut up the hill, there was perhaps a trail, but quickly we were into the shiggy, clambering over rocks on a steep ascent. I lucked out at the first set of ‘hybrid skiddy check’, but with the previous days run in my legs, I did all I could just to keep going.

Sure enough we scrambled our way across to the great running trail in the valley behind, and Graven took off with Angry Inch. They could pick up the 2nd powder bottle, but when we set off back over the hill, I was done… My legs were really struggling, but I caught up with the pack as they searched a very tricky check just over the ridge. Turns out it went back, right and up. It took Graven an age to find it, and by the time he did, most of us had bailed, with only Square Rooter to follow him.

Humperdick & HRA set off in search of their partners, who were already sitting at the songthaew. The rest of us started appearing from all directions, bailing with GPS assists.

17th March – CH4 – Angry Inch

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Angry Inch teamed up with Foxy Cleopatra to set the trail at…. guess where… the Ag Centre. The Ch4’s most popular location, would they find something to vary the usual route? Answer – yes, a bit… Firstly because of yet another brand new barbed wire fence. They are seriously closing off parts of the area, and there is no way of getting through past the top of the reservoir now. That meant we cut through the football field.

The early checks were thus fairly predictable – although HRA picked a brain dead choice at the V check, and we never saw him again! And lo a LONG, LONG trudge along the road, with no checks before we cut into the hills. Graven and I ran together, as I found the in trail at one check, paralleling back together before a wimp rambo split – it was a weekend of wimp rambos!

Not long after was where things got a bit messed up! As we got to a familiar lake, where just a week or so back, Graven had confidently told me “you can’t get around the back of this lake”, well the trail today was definitely heading around the back. We’d been warned in the hare brief about climbing, and as we got to a (dry) waterfall, there was a circle check that had us in circles until Human Ex called it.

I was meanwhile up on the wrong side of the waterfall, so carried on up until I found paper – not long before Graven found paper beneath me… Something strange there, but whatever… We set off again and then found Humperdick coming the wrong way! Again! He was convinced he’d been on paper all the time – and as it turned out he had been, just going in the wrong direction… Confusion reigned as the trail hooked around, back over the dam, and back to the wimp rambo check.

Whatever, Graven and I had had enough and jogged back together. Interesting, if confusing extra loop to send the rambos through!

23rd Feb – CSH3 – Skid Mark

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Skiddy teamed up with Doggie and found a secluded alley near San Kampaeng for the runsite – so secluded that Human Excrement tried to sneak Gung into the bushes for a quickie before everyone else arrived. Fail!

The hare brief introduced another Skiddy special graph of the run elevation profile – with a largely exaggerated axis that on closer inspection revealed a total difference of 7m. It would have been tricky to find any hills out there.

We set off and after getting the first check right, my run turned into an epic adventure of failing at every check. The run brought together some rice fields and some bridges in typical Skiddy style. All was going smoothly until we were checking and heard a voice like Skiddy call across the field “Go back! You’ve gone too far!!!” Bizarrely a set of Skiddy sticks had been mistaken for a circle check! Somewhat strange to put a smiley face at a different type of check – which confused the hell out of everyone…

After the beer check Chuckie and I gained a bit of an advantage – not because we were on trail, but some cunning parallel running on the road had us back on paper before HRA led the pack through the fields.

Eventually we ended up at Doggie’s newly refurbished restaurant for a small plate of cauliflower!

18th November – CH4 – Big Top

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.0/10 (3 votes cast)

EVIL was setting the run, and she’d done a web search to try and find a virgin runsite! The runsite was probably virgin – it looked like it had been dug out a few days before, and we proceeded to park up in a mud pit. Fortunately it wasn’t raining! I was pretty sure we’d run around the area fairly recently though!

The hare brief warned us about the potential of 200m circle checks (just to fuck with us), as well as false trails etc. I was trying to pay attention, but wasn’t the only one suffering from an EVIL induced hangover! 😉 Anyway, Humperdick and I set off running and the trail started with a circle. Only one obvious trail away from it, and I was calling OnOn at the road. We ducked into a resort, and a circle at the side of a lake. Clearly we had to go one side of the lake or the other, so I set off running – with potentially 200m to the first powder I got to the other side of the lake before I heard Chuckie calling from the road on the cliff above me. Darn it to buggery, I was screwed!

I cut through a resort that Bend Over and HRA have used as an A bucket before, and rejoined the trail behind Frozen Dick. I caught Human Excrement as he guarded a check – no effort to kick it out, just standing and guarding!

The trail headed up the hill, a nice trail that I’ve run down before – I prefer running down it! Semen Soars and Chuckie were enjoying themselves up front while Poo and I enjoyed ourselves behind Unplugged and Beautiful Box! There’s a great trail that cuts around the side of the mountain, and we could see SS ahead, so far ahead… After a circle check the hare gave great attention to avoiding the nice trail down, cutting steep down an orchard instead. CW didn’t like it, but he didn’t like me throwing myself off the side either, so we hit the rubber wall together. No chance either of us was going to check left – that’s about a 10km detour!!! The next False Trail caught out CW because he’s a good sport, and it let Poo join us at the last check.

The memory of the 200m circle checks had faded, and the pack regrouped as we didn’t want to go past 120… Finally CW found it and jogged on home. Very similar to a run that Bend Over and HRA have set in reverse, but there is a good reason – it’s a good run!

28th October – Mr Poo & Knockout

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.7/10 (3 votes cast)

The Location – Mr Poo decided that having his run so close to the Bunny H3 might not be a good idea.  Did he think the males would sneak off to chase the Bunnies?  Or was he afraid that no one would come to his run at all?  The next plan was a run at CMU but building work there had blocked off the most fun trails.  Eventually he decided to set a run at the Fire Prevention Centre. Despite confusing the hell out of Belly Dancer with complicated directions like ‘out of town’ – quite a strong turn out appeared.

The Run – What a crappy run! – only Dog Shit’s 1.3km figure-8 run and of course Belly Dancer’s pointless and dangerous ramble over the mountains with no discernible trails were worse than this!  Even Throbbing Ninja’s recent attempt to kill off hashers by oxygen deprivation at high attitude was preferable to the run Mr Poo set! At best it was 3km – but hashers managed to waste 20 minutes on a slope infested with mosquitoes and bamboo spikes looking for trail. Frustrated with people calling on previously run trail Grease Gorilla intimidated people so much that even when Seaman Soars found the trail he was told that he was wrong.

Chack Wow was on the verge of making one of his ‘executive decisions’ and leading people back but eventually Jungle Chim (or possibly Square Router) insisted that he really was standing on som powder that we had not seen before and we actually continued with the run intended . Mr Poo did redeem himself (a little) by turning up with cold beer and co-hare Knockout at his favourite knocking spot – ooops I mean picnic table. Belly Dancer decided to give up on the rest of the run and  lead the ladies back in – ignoring the powder and voracious yapping dogs that the FRBs faced as they dutifully ran around the lake.

The Circle – an X-rated circle the likes of which I’ve never witnessed before – unmentionable!

Well done Mr Poo – crappy run, great beer and one of the best Happy Hash circles I’ve ever been too!

21st October – CH4 – Human Excrement

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Human Ex teamed up with Skid Mark for a run out on the new Sankampaeng road. I gingerly made my way out there, still trying to recover from the punishing that Throbbing Ninja gave yesterday, and then Big Top gave last night!

We set off, and immediately found a small girl who was proudly brandishing a handful of Human Ex strips that she’d found hanging on the trees… Bugger! We should be pleased that HE had set it in Human Ex Strips, rather than Human Ex… but it took us a while to get started – randomly finding the first circle.

I was off and feeling lucky – sure enough I breezed through the first couple of checks until we hit the canal. What to do? I had some space, so the key was to get across the canal as surely we’d be in the hills on the other side – I chose left, it turned out it was right, but I soon joined Semen Soars and Chuck Wao at the front. CW makes a habit of taking the dumb trails – I guess he likes the challenge of chasing? After that one check, the rest started falling into place.

We reached the first water crossing – a small leap for mankind – I admit to getting a food wet, but I was too busy goading CW who was not far behind. When I found we had to cross back over the same stream moments later, it was even more fun!

Along a canal, and there was a 2 circle combination that had us foxed for a while. With the canal blocking the hashers, I got lucky and headed out into the rice fields shouting “ONON”. The followers had some trouble picking up the trail – it wasn’t easy. I suspect they might have been following the call, and missed the fairly reasonable route I took following the paper. Either way I inched ahead and after a little “Skiddy Dance” over some bridges (which were all in place when I went through, but apparently Plan destroyed them), I got back to the rice paddies, only to see the rest of the pack in the distance behind me. Muahaha, it was all mine!

Until…. We’d been promised skiddy sticks, and skiddy stick I found… Semen Soars was at least in earshot when I set off along the trail, only to hopelessly get the final circle check wrong. It brought us back together, and although I spotted the paper first, we had to climb over a little hill to get home… Hills like that are CW’s playground, and sure enough he pressed on up and you couldn’t mistake the glee in his voice when he called OnIn!

An absolutely fantastic set – why can’t all hash runs be like that? The circle that followed broke and kept suitable protocols – who cares? It was a blast! And it continued to the OnOnOn – where we learned that Semen Soars shouldn’t be allowed to advise children!


7th October – CH4 – Dog Shit

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A 6 hour drive at break neck speed got me back in time for the run – almost… I picked the boys up and got back around 15 minutes late… Never mind, I might catch up. My legs were painful though, so it was a struggle to get moving up and over the first little hill.

The trail was a little confusing, as I later found Dog Shit out there relaying part of it – he ran off to show me the correct route, and I set off in pursuit of distant calls. After a while I came to Tip Toe, who had returned from foreign parts.

The trickiest part of the pursuit was that the checks were squares of paper, that couldn’t be kicked out, and so I had to guess a bit on each of the checks. But soon enough I spied Plan, Square Rooter and Human Excrement. As we headed quickly back towards the cars, the rest were ahead somewhere, with Chuckie and Humps doing better on both the trail and the journey back – hats off to the outstationers who got back in time to support Doggie.

Sorry – no trail map today – I left the GPS on half way back across town.