Tag Archives: Semen Soars

18th Jan – CSH3 – Skid Mark

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Skid Mark Part #1!

It’s the Skid Mark food hashing tour of Chiang Mai, and a trip out to Guenthers – that’s fine for those of us who’ve been there before, but some had some challenges getting there. Nonetheless after Sups had his toilet break we were set off in a familiar direction. First check – a circle with 3 options. I went wrong, while BF had it nailed and sped off, only to be slowed down when trail briefly ran out. Turkey managed to parallel run his way to the front, and he spent quite a bit of time running somewhere near to the trail.

We headed into the rice fields, but we were on a good trail and it was good running. Semen Sores, Able Semen & I Grow Cocks were following the leading group of myself, Graven, Brownie and Turkey. A Byte of Turkey with Brown Gravy? We cycled the lead and gradually slipped away from the pack, and at the last check it could have gone either way with Graven picking right, and me going straight. I missed it the first time, which confused the chasing pack, so when I did find the paper, I was able to cruise away, past Skiddy and through some serious shiggy to the On-In. A great, flat run.

The GM was feeling lazy, so she left me to run the circle.

15th Sept – CSH3 – Snail Trail

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So, Snail Trail had the genius to send the housekeeper away so Skiddy had to set the run… Skiddy sent Frozen Dick & Humperdick out to find a new area for the CH3 1000th run, and then promptly stole the runsite for this run… Nice effort! A good run site, and nice shelter overlooking a pleasant lake, if only there was accommodation, we could have stayed over for an outstation!

We got let loose and at the first circle check I decided to climb the steep mountain to the right, rather than the obvious little trail that went straight on – it was only my first mistake, getting down the cliff was harder than climbing up it. I got back with the group, and quickly got another check wrong. Things weren’t clicking for me early on.

Chasing back from another wrong check, None of Your Business and I got attacked by a swarm of bees. Damn it! Semen Soars was also screwing everything up, and finally I got to a circle that was being checked left and right. There seemed to be a way through the forest straight on, and at last a bit of luck as there was some paper hanging there. I’d got something right, and at just the right time as the trail had to start turning left and back towards the A.

A hash of 2 parts, from then on I nailed everything, with Patrick trying to chase me down in between each check. I even picked the Skiddy Check leaving Patrick to go in search of sticks while Turkish, Square Rooter and I carried on. Finally we got to the base of the dam, and there was a cute little trail that climbed up the side to the OnIn on the dam. Great run on some new trails.

27th July – CSH3 – Frozen Dick

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With many of the FRBs missing (Pattaya Outstation / English Summer), it was a medium sized pack that set off from 10km or so down canal road. We were next to a motocross track, which we’ve run past before, and the hares set us off around the track. I got the first couple of checks right, and was going well with Semen Soars not far behind. My instinct at the next check was right, but I just wasn’t quick enough to dart left before SS got there. I ended up going on a longer parallel run, all the way around some farm, with calls of On-On somewhere in the distance to my left. Eventually I got onto a road and jogged along rejoining the pack at another check.

From here we headed into the hills – not major hills, just some minor undulations. I wasn’t sure how far we’d gone, but eventually popped back out of the hills along a little creek – I recognised bits from runs from the cremation place around the back at the end of canal road. We emerged into an orchard, with trails all over the place – Again I ended up paralleling, as Semen Soars led the way. This time it was a short cut though, and I found paper again when HRA was checking off to the right. Square Rooter claimed he was following me, as he also took the slightly shorter route.

We must be nearly back? The terrain was similar to where we’d parked the cars, I just wasn’t sure which road it was on. With HRA not far behind I decided to try and out run him back, only to find more checks and the run seemed to go on forever! Finally HRA caught me up, and I was down to a hobble as he took the lead. He got ahead just in time to hit a final false trail check back. Som Num Na amigo!

All in all a good run, and a good circle.

15th June – CSH3 – Semen Sores

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What can I say about Semen Soars’ run?? Well, I spent a lot of time running around fairly close to where the run was, but didn’t really get to see much of it! I was off trail before we even found the first paper, and it didn’t get much better – completely the wrong direction at the first couple of checks, but then it was the 3rd check that foxed me.

One piece of paper was found, and then more paper on the other side of the canal, but well over 100 metres away. That must be the In trail, and the pack took off on it. I was convinced they’d got it wrong and were going the wrong way around. The right thing to do was to find the real trail – no matter how long it took! I persisted, determined there would be paper somewhere out in the rice paddies. I finally found some trail and set off only to find that I was the one doing it wrong when the trail ran out and I spent some time looking for a circle check. Damn! What to do? I set off backwards on the trail, and again had troubles when the trail had been cleared next to a road.

Finally I met Chuckie coming the other way being chased by Gorf and Skiddy, so I decided to jog on in for a beer. What an idiot!

1st June – CSH3 – Shagless

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It wasn’t Superbitch, but Shagless, from close to 4km up the Sameong Road. On arrival, no sign of the hash cash, but fortunately it was sorted before the run started and we set off up a little hill, with Push Back setting the early pace. At the first check, I went wrong leaving I Got Gas to lead the way along to an early Wimp Rambo split. The Rambos were treated to an extra loop with an ass slide down into a gully, and a rope climb back out of it. Another check thwarted us for a while before we rejoined the walkers.

Everything had been going ok THIS far… but sadly things got confused with people calling all over the place, whether they were on paper or not! Humperdick and Turkish set off backwards on a little loop and weren’t seen again till the end. At some point all the walkers vanished from ahead of us only to come in behind at the finish. The GM had been behind on the Rambo trail, only to pop up ahead, and the rest of us spent time running round in confused circles. Having got confused by a few bits of washed out old paper, I came off the mountain to the hare, who assured me there was plenty of paper there, because he’d just relaid it!

Still to come were several little bridges made out of all kinds of materials. The steel one, with nothing to hold on to, and the bamboo ones with a rail to hang on to, which would disintegrate if you did. Finally the On-In and back to the circle, where the highlight was Semen Soars and Able Semen singing a well rehearsed duet.

20th May – CH3 – Belly Dancer

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Why does Belly hate us so much? At some point he must have realised what a bad idea this run was, and he emailed around encouraging people either come early, and he’d laid a different trail that was easier. Why didn’t I listen?

I set off not long after the early pack had set off and soon enough caught up with Frozen Dick heading along a familiar trail used recently by Semen Soars. Up ahead I started checking one circle and then caught up as SS found some skiddy sticks. The paper had been hit by a storm and was hard to spot in places, so we were continually confused as we searched for trail around the fields. Finally we got onto a trail that ascended into the mountain. I hate hills. This trail up wasn’t so bad though, in good shape and not so steep that it was definitely possible to keep walking on, and happily I emerged to the circle check at the ‘top’.

The circle was on a saddle, with choices of up one of the hills either side, or down the back, where the trail split into multiple options. I tried several of them. The stormy wind was whipping around and carrying the ‘On On’ call with it. I was confused and lost a lot of time trying to find out where the pack was. Eventually I went back to the circle, and everyone had already disappeared. I was alone and made my way along the side of a ridge, scrambling to stay upright in the steep parts, hanging off trees, until I spotted Humperdick beneath me – literally about 400m away, straight down the cliff face. WTF? It only got worse. Rather than using one of the nice trails that ran down the hill, this was a straight line descent, alone, with storm clouds darkening the skies, weary legs. Humperdick disappeared.

Finally I got to a flatter part, with an identifiable trail to follow. But it was too late, my legs were like jellies, and it was all I could do to amble along hoping this time I might escape in daylight. I did – just! And not too long before HRA who had apparently set off another half hour after me!

28th April – CH4 – Semen Soars

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SS always puts a lot of effort into his runs – before the run he said he’d been out scouting 3 times but wasn’t satisfied. Running at baan Pong resort past San Kampaeng I knew there were plenty of good trails, so I set off with high expectations…

Quickly we were on the trail between the hill and the rice fields – I’ve been here before, in fact I could see the remains of checks from maybe a year back… Skiddy set a run here? Or was it the ball breaker? Who knows?

Off one circle I’d gone about 60m, when I spotted some white hanging in the distance on the fence – looking good I pressed on, but didn’t see any paper until I got to the fence – at which point someone called from towards the rice fields. Strange I was definitely on, it was clearly our paper, but maybe I’d gone too far? I arced around the fence, still on paper, and ran back into a circle check with Suckit coming towards me. Interesting – it seems we both got to the circle check from the wrong direction as there was paper heading off it the other way. A quick regroup, and we decided to head back and joined everyone running around like headless chickens in the field.

As Doggie called in year another direction. Behind me I heard a noise – was it a farmer shouting for us to get off his land? No, it was Semen Soars telling us we were going the wrong way – we were on a different one of his trails! He’d set several false trails while setting the real trail – just to try and confuse us? He pointed Tip Toe and I in the right direction and for once Tip Toe was the FRB! The rest mostly ignored us, and I was ahead, heading back towards the circle I’d already seen. This time I would get it right? Surely? Having already seen the paper, it was surely a no brainer? But as I got to the paper I’d seen before, it seemed like something was wrong. So as Suckit came along to explain what we were supposed to do, I took a nap in the ditch.

Eventually I started heading back as Semen Soars was there setting yet another trail so that we could get back from wherever we were… It felt like I was running backwards and forwards along the same road all evening, with sometimes there being trail, and other times not, but ultimately I don’t think I did what I was supposed to do… Or rather I did, because I got soem exercise and then drank beer… What more could you ask for?

25th March, CH3, Byte My Yahoo

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So what to expect from Cuddly Ken – Chiang Mai’s most innocent and alluring male Hasher (as well as most intelligent) … hummm … he hates hills, to date has set great running trails and is dab hand at the BBQ.

With a little telegraphing he’d be setting a slightly longer run – after both CSH3 and CH4 both >7km affairs – there was a certain degree of trepidation about what BmY had in store for us. None of this was eased when arriving at the A bucket – with him going on about how he’d set the run at 6AM and had been rehydrating on beer ever since – he even quipped to Belly Dancer that he had some doubt if BD would even make it back – I began to think there might be a muaahh aspect to this run.

The hare brief was absurdly short – just circle checks – and off out we were sent down a dirt road and it was 800m before the first circle check appeared – those who’d attempted None of Your Business’s storm truncated CH4 run had some advantage and soon found trail – and this continued with copious checks keeping us all together until the ‘hill’!

Hill – WTF – this is BmY – who professes to hate hills, and no small hill at that – up and up the bastard went and apart from the specially invited FRB In and Out – who checked like a demon all over the place and still ran up the mountain – the weary pack ground their way up BmY’s hellish rock strewn trail.

At the ‘top’ of course there was a check and the pack was all over the place looking for the trail – Kwazi Moto declared no more hills for him and vanished somewhere, leaving BD with Square Rooter and Dog Shit. Of course they sailed down the hill – rather rock strewn death trap – and fortunately Square Rooter held back long enough to indicate where the trail headed (right) – Doggy vanished – perhaps he found the real (nice & safe) trail Humprdick had found but the circle check had been kicked out straight down the 27’ slope!

Way down nearing the bottom of the slope of death – HRA appeared with Angry Inch who’d lost his GPS in an earlier tumble, and HRA valiantly assisted BD down the most evil part of the hill. Into the gully and putting a little cantor on with HRA – we got back in touch with Square Rooter and Semen Soars and later on Fishy Finger too. Up the slope Horny Monkey was commanding everyone to stick together which was much appreciated.

At last into what we were expecting from a BmY run – the more familiar dirt trails and with some disgust – black top/concrete road which had checks a plenty.

At the point where we came to the quarry we were all very close together – Humperdick appearing from left field after checking behind a wall for 400m – with a glance a GPS showing ~1km to the A bucket and the sun well and truly set – HRA again kindly stick with me and a ghostly Graven Image came up on our rear as BmY’s final evil twist of a stinking stream had to be navigated before the final jog in along 800m of filthy dirt road.

Amazingly BmY achieved the rare feat of getting the whole pack in (ex a short cutting Kwazi) with ~ 10 minutes of each other. In and Out and Graven Image had ~10km on their GPS and I had 7.4km.

A tough run – a bit bigger postage stamps would have helped on the confidence of not getting lost in the dark – but a well set run. BmY did deliver on expectations in the BBQ department – I don’t believe he made the burgers but thanks for a good feed and Horny led an entertaining circle.


16th Feb – CSH3 – Bone Collector

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I showed up a little early at the Bone Residence and found the hare – she assured me she knew nothing about the run, because she’d been doing the food instead! Clearly Bone Hur was going to be the guilty party if it wasn’t a good run. In the hare brief he talked about toilet paper and pointed us out the back gate.

I set off and along the road we ran into a check back. Back to the cross check and again my next choice was a check back. Sloppy had enough even then and took off for a private run into the hills. The true trail had us on a little loop back around to the road and our usual route to the hills. With few checks the pack split up following Semen Sores for a while and then when we headed up into the hills behind the temple Chuck Wao took over.

I lost sight of the leaders as we cut across the hill and back down. A glimpse of Horny Monkey at the road as I ran past the quarry and what appeared to be a cock fight or muay thai. A circle check that nobody had kicked out, but it had to be left so I took off and finally heard some calls off to the right. I made my way around the road and intercepted the FRBs “checking”? or were they just off paper? no idea, but it kept happening as the hare took random abrupt turns.

Eventually I spotted the hare hiding in some bushes, and headed towards him. i enjoyed Chuckie’s grim face as he jogged in a few moments after me. The pack was split up massively due to the fast pace and paucity of checks which gave us good time for a dip in the pool before the circle.

13th January – CH3 – Belly Dancer BALLBREAKER!

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Mostly not bad!

Ok, so an epic kind of run like that deserves a bit more of a write up! Mr. Poo suggested that “Mostly Epic” would have been more appropriate! Anyway, I was struggling to shake off my hangover as we drove out to the runsite, at Baan Pong Resort, despite my best intentions to get an early night, somehow I managed to get incredibly drunk which wasn’t the best preparation.

We all knew what to expect as the hares had done a good job of briefing everyone in advance, but amazingly there was still around 20 odd people to squeeze into the Songthaew and a couple of cars. We ominously went around the back of a mountain – past a tempting golf course – to the A site where the hare did his best to talk us out of it before setting us loose. We started with a short loop around a lake and back to the Songthaew, with Graven Image & Suckit not bothering and waiting for us to run back to where we’d already seen some paper on the road.

I hit a couple of checks right until getting the first set off skiddy sticks which I carried back and dutifully placed obviously on the trail for those behind. Around another corner and my watch signaled we were a mile in. My stomach signaled that McDonalds wasn’t the best idea for lunch, and duly forced me to deposit it on the trail. Things weren’t looking good as one by one hashers passed by. Finally the wave passed and I started feeling better and could start moving again. We were running along some lovely trails that I’d not hashed before, until the unmistakable stench of a pigfarm arrived. The sick hares had put a ‘sex check’, meaning we had to wait next to the pigpens with flies buzzing around the stinking piles of pigshit for Big Top to arrive. Ugh! The hares weren’t punished nearly enough for that…

Off running again and Semen Soars and I found trail until we looped around so we could get a good view of the mountains ahead. With a white pagoda visible on top of one of the highest peaks, I thought to myself – I bet it’s that one, but hoped it wouldn’t be… Around the corner the songthaew was waiting for some drinks and refueling. Unplugged, Itchy Bitchy and Knockout came riding up with some men on bikes.

After a short photo op, we set off again with the trail mercilessly climbing into the mountains. Fortunately the trail was good and we could keep on going with sure footing. Suckit was not far behind me and each time he turned a corner I could hear yet another expletive. What checks there were were easy to pick as it was just on up the trail. Gorf leading the way with Lickamick just ahead of me – the pack stretching out back down the hill. I caught up at the ‘sex check’ halfway up the hill. After a discussion we didn’t want our legs to seize up, so we carried on with Suckit and then Graven Image joining us. The climb was relentless – 500m+ elevation gain, although I’m still waiting to get the GPS track off the watch. So this is what we had been warned about – it actually wasn’t so bad – rewarding views at every turn and a good enough trail.

Finally near the top we found the trail going back down, and Mr. Poo presently joined us in time for the ‘ladders’. We’ve hashed on worse descents that that, but adding a ladder for us was a nice touch. The way down was steeper than the way up, and probably more treacherous, picking our way one step at a time. There were stairs in places, but few opportunities to run. Finally we got to a flatter section and there was Greasy waiting with more drinks. We’d survived the mountain – just a few more km back to the resort…

I didn’t want to cramp up so kept going, hitting a few checks right before finding Gorf in front of me. He had a nasty habit of taking the paper with him from the checks and dropping it when he found trail, so it didn’t help anyone following behind and there was nothing left for me to mark the trail with. Soon he stopped calling and disappeared into the distance as Ho came up behind me. HRA was with him – I’d not seen him since before the hill, along with Graven, Lickamick and Suckit. We settled into a pleasant pace where we could keep moving and bitch about the FRB at the same time.

Finally we came to the lake, worked our way around it to find Belly Dancer waiting at the last drinks stop. One more to go and the resort was just there, just down the dam. He sent us off across the dam to an arrow pointing back along the otherside of the lake. That didn’t seem like a good idea, and we were further confused by a switch to pink strips marking the trail. Thanks for mentioning that in the harebrief! We made our way along the lake until the trail climbed up into the hills, where a single skiddy stick was found… WTF??? Where were the other two? Where the f*ck was Gorf? Back down to the lake and another 100m around the lake finally Suckit found the paper and the other two skiddy sticks. WTF? We were ready to kill someone – I can kind of get what Red Carpet and Dick Tracy complain about skiddy sticks if the FRBs don’t play the game. What on earth had he been thinking to place them there

We eventually went into the hills – it was unavoidable. While the first mountain was long and high, at least it was on trail – this part had ‘Anything’ written all over it, as we just scrambled across rocks on steep mountain sides. This bit was much worse than the first hill, with tired legs struggling to get a grip I’m surprised someone didn’t seriously hurt themselves. Determination just drove us onwards – it must be over soon. Finally we got onto the trail in the gully the other side, and we were back on familiar ground.

I jogged along and Ho joined me. The trail took a sharp left turn which was a bit of a surprise – after another 150m or so we found a single skiddy stick behind a tree which by now wasn’t a surprise at all. Back to the junction and there was Gorf carrying the other 2. Rather than maiming him with the last remaining stick, we ran off… We didn’t really find trail, but we found a few bits of paper that had come of the skiddy sticks while Gorf was looking, so I followed that in the direction of the resort and safety.

Everyone survived, with quite a few taking the shorter route back on the last leg. We sat freezing in the circle taking turns to limp towards the ice when called in. Maybe because we were tired, or probably because it did, but the circle seemed to go on forever and ever… We were hungry, cold and exhausted. It wasn’t that it was a bad circle – just a long one – there were plenty of funny moments dispersed throughout, but we could all feel the food waiting for us up just one more flight of stairs (another sick twist by the hares to choose an upstairs restaurant!)

Overall verdict, ‘mostly not bad’! Actually 3 great legs, with one final ‘Fuck You’ from the hares at the end.