Tag Archives: Kwazi Moto

26th December – CH3 – Kwazi Moto

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It was Maejo, and while the 4th U-turn would have been better, we were signed from the 2nd, weaving our way to a secluded runsite beneath the temple steps. Finding the runsite was hard enough, but what kind of a run had Kwazi put together? It started pleasantly enough following the trail along the bottom of the hills into Praphat’s farmland. At this point, I was beginning to think the hill was a decoy and that we would be sticking to the flatter land somehow?

A very difficult check in Praphat’s farm had us all over the place, gradually further away from the check and from the hill. Finally Pussy Whisperer found it (I think), but it took a while for me to figure out where he was, and longer to get all the way back to the circle. When I did, there was nobody around. Finally I found paper into a ditch and then straight up the steep cliff. WTF?! I caught a glimpse of Square Rooter way up the hill ahead of me, and tried to press on up. But I was on my own, and this was a devilishly steep hill. Rather than going straight up, I tried to veer left and right to lessen the incline, like S bends on the road to Pai. I was making progress and got about halfway up before pausing. I recalled scouting this hill previously and deciding not to put hashers through it. I hung onto a tree, sat down for a moment and realised just how severe the slope was – I was barely able to cling on! I wasn’t sure if it would be easier to continue to the trail that I knew was at the top, or slither my way back down. As I was on my own, I opted to slide back down the hill and retrace my steps.

I didn’t see any other hashers, even though some were left out very late into darkness… ABB had to be rescued by LungLaa, but everyone survived…

22nd December – CH4 – Suckit

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Suckit & Itchy teamed up, but this time from along Sameong road – I guess they were fed up of everyone else setting runs through their house 11km south? There were 2 songthaews and a large Happy hash group – the club is growing strong, we might need to buy more chairs!

We set off with Poo, Angry and I mixing up the start like a cycling peloton. Until the first check, when I was wrong. Finally it was called from the right, and I turned back only to see KO stood behind me with a look of distress. At first I thought she was just really disappointed to get the check wrong, but then I discovered she just wanted me to get out the way so she could take a pee! After another check I caught up, and sure enough promptly got the next check wrong – damnit! We ran over to the edge of the large quarry. A 50/50 chance, left or right. I didn’t think they would go around the quarry, so picked right. I didn’t get far before I was called to the left. I decided to take it easy for a bit, expecting the hill in the near future. The hill didn’t appear, instead, the pack just sprinted away…

Seriously, this was a fast paced hash – wtf was going on? My splits were reasonable, but I was back behind Kwazi! I decided to put some effort in, and tried to push for a couple of km. Sub 6 minute kms, and I didn’t seem to be making any ground. When I past Sex Pistol, she was equally flummoxed. The pace was very fast for a hash run. I wasn’t even close enough to hear any calls, I just plodded on through neatly kicked out checks. I wasn’t plodding though, I was pushing it, but seemed to be making no progress – amazing pace from the FRBs today!

I finally caught up by the small quarry lake beneath the temple, but a couple that checked the wrong way breezed past me and I gave in, steadying off to a jog walk. Only really running again when trying to explain to Blows Herself that we don’t overtake after the OnIn..!

Cheers Suckit – a deceptive trail that clearly fooled me more than anyone else, and was definitely a fast running trail.

8th December – CH4 – Square Rooter

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Rooter’s birthday adventure, and boy did he put some effort into it! We’ve run from that runsite a bunch of times, and I was fairly confident I knew all the trails around – Rooter proved me wrong several times! He was a generous hare, today offering us multiple wimp trails and a hare brief that was long enough that I could arrive late, get changed and still get out with the pack.

We set off, with Kwazi running ahead, but not even getting to a check before refusing to move another inch until someone found trail. We did, and Brownie was off… Do we need to run? Already? Damnit! A circle, and I didn’t want to check left, but it was my obligation, so I idled along, and when I did find the powder, just ahead was Brownie and 3.5inch, cutting onto trail. We were back to the road we’d driven in on, and most wanted to go right. I went left, and around the corner found powder, another circle and then up the hill a bit, more powder and Dyke Converter blaring music while he lugged around bags of mud. Random!

An excellent check followed. We were all over the place searching! Music to entertain us! I went up the hill, and back… I could see Taste My Buns being very thorough down the hill to the right. Finally I headed through the shiggy to the left, and ahead Blows Herself was discussing how she had found powder… She wasn’t calling “ONON” as is tradition, but hey we were on to another circle. Suckit and I checked down to the left, and I found pink paper on the trail to the left, while Suckit found a circle to the right. We figured the pack would appear sooner or later and started checking the circle – the pack didn’t appear, and we didn’t find trail off the circle. Finally we followed pink paper backwards and saw the pack in the distance. Seems we had followed one of the wimp trails backwards and finally rejoined the main group – not a short cut, just parallel to the main trail, and trust me, that wimp trail was shitty shiggy! Rooter went to a lot of effort to hack out a trail, that wasn’t used by many…

Back on trail and a V check by a temple. Oh inspired my dear Rooter. How about a V check, where somewhere (perhaps) to the left there was a hidden back check, while to the right solid powder for 200m or so, and then nothing. Finally we found a pile of pink paper under a stone tucked neatly in a freshly watered flower bed by the temple wall. Did you pay someone to wash away the powder? We assumed it was a circle, and the FRBs charged forwards. Sometime later, closer inspection revealed a FT. So now, having wasted a bunch of time, we had a V check with a checkback (maybe) one way, and a FT the other. My head was reeling, but finally someone picked out some powder we hadn’t seen before and we set off, while most of the FRBs were still down the bottom of a hill wondering what the Fuck was going on.

I somehow got into the mix, with Cumalot and HRA and we hit a bit of a scramble with “QUIET” written at the bottom clearly by our hare. What did that mean? What were we doing? WTF? This was all new for me, I had a suspicion we were creeping through private property, and a shortwhile later when a pack of 20 vicious dogs were set on us, I think we were right. I had a stick to waft at them as I edged backwards. Crap Thai was escorting the rest of the hashers through a gate, while I held of the dogs like a hollywood action hero. Crap Thai and I ducked through the gate and slammed it shut in the face of the evil canine hoard, like Indiana Jones escaping with his hat.

Onwards, and there was a 2nd Wimp Rambo split. By chance I got there with HRA, and well, we talked each other into the Wimpier option. A wimpier option that promptly hit some devilishly difficult checks. The rambo runners were nearly upon us before we solved them. Finally we found trail and HRA led the way to the ONIN. HUH? ONIN? Where the fuck are we? I know this area, and I can’t figure out where my car is! A bit further and another ONIN… Huh? This was a road, so we were closer to home! A final ONIN to encourage us up the hill to the beers. Very nice set Rooter – very confusing, good use of regular stuff, and some clever mixes of stuff that was new to me. A well engineered run, a great circle, and fun ONONON.

5th December – CH3 – Liberace

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Libbers teamed up with Crap Thai, and headed to a favourite hunting ground out in Maejo at Praphats farm. This time the songthaew arrived in time and we were ready to go on time. The co-hare handed out torches like confetti which did nothing to improve our confidence! The eagerness at the start was lacking, and in the end it was Kwazi who broke into a run and got to the first check – only to stop and take a pee rather than actually check. With Sloppy heading left, I reluctantly headed right, and sure enough there was a check back. Damnit!

Back on trail, and I was at the back, but the next check (a cross) still hadn’t been solved. Brownie was put off from checking left as there was a gate with a sign saying keep out. Finally it was called from through the gate, although we hadn’t found a check back straight. It was a bit fishy, but fortunately I knew a way of bypassing the house with the keep out sign…. Unfortunately the way I knew was now overgrown and impossible to pass. I was forced to go back to the check, and I was way, way behind. For the rest of the trail there were nowhere near enough checks to give me any chance of getting back into it either. I overtook Frozen Dick and Tip Toe as we passed a random drunk guy ranting about how he would follow us if he hadn’t had a car crash – wtf? Next up Soapy was panting his way up a small incline.

I know the area pretty well, but Libbers did a great job of finding a trail that wasn’t familiar to me. We cut up the side of a hill on a little goat trail – perfectly hashable, except when you get stuck behind Does Nothing, Kwazi and Square Rooter. It was quite treacherous in places – steep cliff off to the side, but better than some trails we’ve been expected to survive. A nice loop and I was wondering where we would pop out. I met ABB on the descent and then Shrek, who both stuck on my heels as we tried to swing from tree to tree down the steep rocky goat trail. At the bottom was Pussy Whisperer and Cuckold, and then amazingly Frozen Dick and TipToe – excellent hashing! I figured there may be some good checks on the last stretch which might give me a chance to get back into it, and jogged off pausing briefly to retrieve Mr. Poo who was randomly wandering off in the wrong direction – I do wonder how often he does that…

I pushed off, but there were no checks, it was just trail across the motocross track, through an A-site that I like, and back to the OnIn on the far side of the lake. A nice route, but could have done with some more checks to keep people together, and give me a chance to catch up!

26th September – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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A big congratulations to Mr. Poo as he is accepted into the Belly Dancer academy for hares who lost hashers in the dark on a mountain. At least it wasn’t raining… much… I slipped away from work and managed to make it to the hash – it was on my way home, so I really should make the effort! Over 2 months since I’ve been on the male hash, but I still wasn’t considered a returner – meh!

Behind the conference center, and we set off up the hill behind the temple. I seemed to be the only one running, and nailed the first couple of checks. The hares had tried to hide the paper on the trail beyond the barbed wire fence, but I could just about see a bit of white. The trail eventually turned left, and I so nearly checked there first, but was far enough ahead to get back, and find the trail, along with Square Rooter. Another circle, and we both thought Poo was heading towards the Boy Scout camp – typical Poo style! We checked further than we should have, and finally HRA called up the hill to the right. Damnit! My guts were screaming at me, and a Horny Monkey was definitely needed. I headed back slowly making sure the pack passed by, so I could find a quiet area.

I wasted around 5 minutes and thought I probably wouldn’t see the pack again. Climbed another hill, and came down to a nice flat trail – these trails are definitely more overgrown than last time I was up there! I rounded a corner and there was Piggy, along with just about everyone else. A stretch without paper had slowed everyone down and I was back with the pack, and lighter! We came out onto the main trail, and I recognised the junction where Diddly Squat and I met the army a few months ago. I was tired and figured it was time to head home, but the hare had other ideas…

Square Rooter called ONON from up the hill again – I’d already suggested to Piggy it was unlikely, but we followed the call… Well over 100m, but this trail was starting to get confusing. Another check, and suspicions were confirmed – we were now going backwards. I guessed a “Figure OF 8″…

Figure of 8 – it seems either works, figure of 8 or figure 8 – I’ve not heard it without the of before! but I much prefer this definition – HERE – go on, click the link!

As we were going backwards on trail, I suggested to HRA & Piggy that we continue and figure out what we were supposed to have done, so we carried on, calling “NoNo”. HRA & Piggy seemed completely confused when trail ran out, and then 100m later there was a circle with paper running off it. I tried to explain, but in the end gave up. HRA later said “I know we were running backwards on trail, but it just seemed like it was the wrong way…” <– Yes, perhaps Does Nothing’s juices had an effect? A while later, we found Alice, ABB and a bunch of others coming the other way (the correct way). By now light was fading, and it was time to head back, which was back along the trail. Kwazi wasn’t convinced, and persuaded Pussy Whisperer to follow the road out to the Boy Scout camp – bad idea! They arrived much later after Pussy Whisperer paid for a songthaew. Piggy, HRA, Alice & ABB listened to me and followed me back, passing Mr. Poo on trail as we finally finished his 6KM run – I stepped off the mountain just as it went black, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be out there even 2 minutes longer! Others weren’t so lucky, but fittingly Poo was the last one in. The circle was…. wtf?! A couple of mouthfuls of Does Nothing’s special blend, and Frozen was leading the drunkenness. I’m alive, everyone made it, and I think everyone has forgiven Poo! Let’s change the runtime before someone gets hurt!

18th August – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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Mr. Poo is back, and dived straight back into haring responsibilities. Teaming up of course with Knock Out, we headed out to the Sameong Road football field – a site where KO has set many runs that have (to put it politely), not gone to plan. A runsite where the temple steps remain a fear inducing curse, and one where more recently Turkish attempted to do the impossible of a run the other side of the road. The rules of the game are fairly simple, and from here the hares are restricted by the mountains on the other side of the road, and to the north beyond the temple steps. In the other direction is the “rubber” wall, which is now concrete. The chances are the run would be a new mix of familiar trails, but the question is always about the temple steps – none? all? or half? Kwazi made it clear he wasn’t going near the temple steps and I was tempted to join his camp.

We set off, I felt stiff and my knee was aching with every step – damnit, I thought I was over the knee? Being “middle aged” sucks if this is what it feels like. Belly did the usual sprint start, but stopped to take photos (aka catch breath) before the first check. HRA & Obscene raced away to the first check, while I plodded along with CW. What a strange place for a check? Not at a junction – with the river on the left, clearly they didn’t expect us to check there, and surely not into the rice fields on the right. We followed HRA to the only possible place, and sadly, reluctantly towards the temple steps. DAMNIT! However the clues are in the minor details, and that check suggested to me that the hares (having had mistakes here many times before) being over cautious didn’t want us checking too far, and I immediately suspected we would be back on the road behind the temple.

Sure enough we headed to the temple steps, and I tried all tactics – taking two at a time, running up – it’s good cardio right? Just don’t think about the hell you are going through. Finally a circle – it isn’t half way, but somewhere there is a trail off to the left, just where the hell is it? Damnit, I’m ahead, so I should do more stairs. I didn’t think it was right, and sure enough no paper. Back down the stairs and while most hashers lazily looked around like teenagers lazily hunting pokemon, finally Cuckold called On from the trail I had been hoping to see. Excellent! We weren’t going all the way up (that particular mountain). I spread the paper straight off the hill down to the other trail and joined the pack and shortly after there was Kwazi beaming like a guy who had just avoided climbing a few stairs.

Piggy and I ignored his assurances that there was no paper to the left, and went to check left. The rest of the hash is largely a dream… a hash dream… Circle check – Nailed it! Another check? Nailed it! When we went past the quarry I thought I could see some paper in the “gap”, so I saved that for later, and was ready for the hill. I pushed myself up the hill, with Cuckold somewhere behind me. Along the ridge for a bit at the top before back down to the left along an overgrown trail that I’m sure was clearer 6 months back when the hares scouted it. Nailed it again. The descent started and I could see CW, Piggy & Cuckold somewhere back up the hill as the trail switchbacked down – Not everyone followed the switchbacks according to strava!

At the bottom I hit the concrete wall – the rubber has gone now – so it has to be left, and the map in my mind was complete – I wasn’t going to make another mistake, I just focused on keeping a steady pace while I could hear the pack braying behind me – why were their calls so aggressive? I was doing all the work! I was checking every check, and calling every OnOn! And yet they were pushing me onwards as if I could do even better?! To the right along the wall, the checks were appearing as if I’d laid them myself, and the paper perfectly placed for the OnOn call. Another circle and the correct answer had to be left, up towards the “gap”. From here it is around 100m to the corner, so there should be paper as soon as I round the corner… Wait? What? Where is the paper? Shit! It was going so well… Another 20m, and there was paper finally hidden on the back of a tree… Thank fuck for that!

Sure enough it was through the gap, and down into the quarry, across the ricefields, and the hares were waiting for me over the bamboo bridge. For once I crossed it and held on to the OnIn. Excellent run hares, and I promise I didn’t have a map before we started! And best wishes to Belly Dancer and Anything as they start their new adventure (for now) in the UK!

11th July – CH3 – BMY

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And so to Doi Saket. Cats and dogs for much of the day so this hasher was looking forward to some mucky soup to run in. Would he be disappointed? No time to linger before the off today and the shifty looking hare was spare in his brief and sent us off quickly to wallow in the “terrible gleaming mudcunt of mother” Thailand.

I can’t remember much about the early part of the run but paper arrived quickly and the dirt roads felt just right. What’s the ground speed velocity of an unladen chaparral cock? Pretty fast I think and roughly what Kwazi Moto was doing early on. Getting checks right and speeding along took him way ahead of the pack as far as the rice fields. Now, I remember someone somewhere, probably today’s hare, said that rice fields were out of bounds, but not today apparently and on on. Across a well-manicured lawn with water buffalo and a screaming peacock. And past a genial buffer pottering about unconcerned with a pack of hashers disturbing his peace and quiet. Even with one leg calf-deep in the mire Square Rooter took time to comment on the pastoral beauty. Boy, Doi Saket is real pretty after the rain.

Anyhow, after reeling in Kwazi I found myself slightly ahead of ABB and Pigshit and pressed on alone at a fair old clip. Then promptly got the next two checks wrong. The pack was together again. Up a gentle incline and along some Tarmac following Sloppy Rod only to see the hare kerbcrawling towards us. Did he think we were lost, or what? Further up the pack was together again. “Whaddyaagot…?! bellowed an impatient Kwazi to Sloppy, interfering with his sterling yet wrong work of checking.

Was crossing the road next? I was ahead at this circle check and chose right, and wrong as it happened, going at least 300 meters so convinced was I that this was the direction home. Futile. In fact the A bucket was in the opposite direction. From some distance I could see the hare in his truck and one Square Rooter slipping away from said truck on up to the moo ban. Of course I continued straight only to meet ABB coming back. That’s me buggered then. Third time lucky and up the slope we go.

At the top Rooter came across a sheaf of white paper strips on the ground. What to make of this? Could be some cunning stunt on the part of the hare. Rooter directed me on a wild goose chase and when I was a good distance on this chase he called On! On! And then I heard at least one more On! called from another direction. Bone Smoker got it. We were on our way. Very pleasing trails from there on in. With just enough barking canines to give Kwazi the willies!

Was the trail too mushy for this hasher? Naa, just about right. A thoughtful set that kept wimps and runners together for the duration. And what with no freaking never ending hill climbs I’m probably not alone in thinking we might have enjoyed a further couple of K of the same. NIce work.

(Courtesy Cuckold)

4th July – CH3 – Team USA

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Kwazi, Frozen & Rooter teamed up for a USA themed run. How many hares does it take to fuck up a run? 5 o’clock came, and went… Apparently we were waiting for Sloppy Rod… Finally we climbed aboard the songthaew and set off to the B. It was a B->A. I am in favour of runs that aren’t just circles, but I much prefer an A->B, than a B->A… The logistics are the same either way – transport is either needed at the start, or at the end, but with A->B, we don’t know where we are trying to get to which makes the checks much harder. The thought of an A->B was too much for Horny Monkey, Does Nothing and Sunspot, who chose to walk along the dam for a bit. The rest of us finally got started on the run around 5:30. Thankfully it is getting dark late (I should remember that next week!)

It kicked off with some temple steps, but only around 100. And then a virtual check at the top. Sloppy went right, back down the hill, Lollipop (long time returner) went left, and I carried on straight up the hill. Not far along I spotted a bright orange rimping plastic bag dangling from a tree in front of me. Nice I thought… I jogged up, and this was the unique aspect of the run. Rather than calling On-On, we were to set fire to some fire crackers. I pulled the bag down, and inspected the contents. I have never set fire to fire crackers before, and had no idea what bit I should set fire to. Frankly I avoid town during Loi Kratong, at least in part because it scares me. I gingerly set fire to the paper, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. I was trying to get into the spirit, so called HRA over to help – he didn’t really know what to do either. CW was approaching, but just before he got there HRA figured out we needed to set fire to the string. Bang bang bang bang – we were off, UP UP UP UP!

We pressed on, steep up a hill that I’d scouted a couple of weeks ago, and decided against using. These hares were pushing on to the top. That much was clear to me, but we did run out of paper and struggled for a while to find trail again. Very hard to follow the odd bit of paper buried in bushes when we are scrambling through the brush. Not to worry, I got to the top, and a trail – off to the left a circle, so I was going right, and sure enough another bright orange bag! Many of the checks were visible a long way off, but the fire crackers did make a fun difference. I got the hang of lighting them, and collected lighters as I nailed a few checks – seriously I was thinking of setting something similar next Monday, but will go to Doi Saket instead.

Another check, and a nice little trail that cut down to the right, and then we were on the main trail. A long, long stretch without checks. :( I pushed as hard as I could, but CW & Piggy closed me down. As they swept past I struggled to get my pacing back together. I expected us to drop down into the valley to run it out, but instead the hares kept us on top of the ridgeline, and surprised me with the final descent – I will remember that one for sure!

23rd June – CH4 – Anything

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When Anything teams up with Chilly Pussy we never know what to expect – fortunately it is mushroom season, so they may have cut the run shorter to gather more mushrooms! We set off and my inhaler had no puff, so I would have to be careful about my asthma – damnit! Second check and there were 2 parallel trails, at least I thought they were parallel, and got to learn the hard way that they weren’t – CW got the right trail, I took the left, and wrong one. I could easily have cut across to join him, but was confident my lovely trail met his just around the corner. I was wrong. Horribly wrong.

Finally I managed to cut back across and found trail at the back with Cougar, Doesn’t Get It and Bobble Head. Having gone up the wrong hill, I then had to work my way up another hill. There was Toe Jam going the wrong way. I slowly picked off runners by sticking on the nice trail, that was 10m to the left of the scramble the hares had marked. Past Tiptoe, who was mixing it with the ladies… There was Obscene, and Cumalot… And then Kwazi, Shagless & Does Nothing. I kept it steady, but slowly reeled people in.

And then when the trail finally broke left there was 2.5km without checks to get back. I had a glimpse of ABB & Motorboat ahead and later Barbindoll, but was forced to take it steady to control my breathing. Damnit – these are great running trails, I just want to run! Even Kwazi started to close me down towards the end, but I wasn’t going to allow that humiliation! Nice set from a kind and gentle Anything!

Fly By

20th June – CH3 – Square Rooter

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Behind the Ag Center… Having picked up HRA, I did my first short cut of the day by ignoring the run directions and cutting behind Doi Khum. The usual runsite, and immediately we thought we knew what was going to happen – Up / Across / Down – just a matter of picking which up, and which down… Hare brief delivered he pointed us off to the left and CW and I scampered off. A small trail to the right had me looking, and I caught a glance of something white, leaving CW to continue to the False Trail, while I led the likes of Kwazi to the paper. The 2nd check though had me scrambling up a trail that quite recently was quite passable, but today was overgrown shiggy. Fortunately I made it through to the wider trail, and heard Kwazi calling On to my right. I ran down as he found another check. Now it was Cuckold leading the way as we ran along the bottom of the hill, eventually getting to the waterfall cafe – SR had managed to cut off all the trails heading up and down the hill – so where was this run heading?

The pack was all together as finally we found which trail we were going to use. Rooter had dragged branches across the entrance as his haring trademark. So finally we were heading up, and again Kwazi managed to get on trail ahead of us leading us up to the “main trail”. Of course it would be up from here and CW was the first to head up. Piggy bravely went down the steep hill, and I was as surprised as anyone when he started calling ON. Back down again? Where the hell was this headed?

Crawling through bamboo at the bottom, CW and I caught Piggy and got first choice at the circle after the Wimp Rambo split. I know this area well, and still wasn’t sure where we were headed. Another check, and I was completely wrong again – following CW up the hill expecting to have to cross back over anti clockwise to the left. Still recovering from sickness, I was spent and sorely tempted to head back. Back on trail I was between Kwazi and Bone Smoker. At another V it finally dawned on me where he was taking us! Genius – I’d completely forgotten this loop – it’s been years since we did that trail. I took the plunge and after a short gap between paper, I found trail a little ahead of CW, heading back down the hill to the OnIn.

Good set – cheers SR.