Tag Archives: Frozen Dick

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

12th December – CH3 – Byte My Yahoo

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(Courtesy of Brownfinger)

So then, from beer and bar girls to chocolate milk and early nights. This is how some view the sad progressive demise of the Chiang Mai male hashing community. Indeed, with the ever increasing average age of the proverbial male hasher, it has been said that the wearing of incontenance pants after the run will soon become mandatory to avoid any unpleasant urinary accidents during the circle or on the way home in the songthaew.
While I will quickly add that the above concerns are merely what I have heard others say and are not my own, I will confess to feeling a little worried about quite what to do when setting a male hash run. In fact I have of late somewhat dumbed them down, not in the sense that I think male hashers are dumb sons-of-bitches, although that certainly is true in a number of cases, but in the sense that I have tried to make them easier, taking into account more obvious infirmities and the general dibilitating effects of the ageing process on physical abilities: a wimp/rambo split for a run over 5k, nice trails with no bushwhacking, no nasty hills or shitty shiggy.
So, have I become a little too gentile in my run setting? Is my natural inclination to protect myself and my ageing brothers from the ravages of a traditional male run warranted. Do male hashers want to be mollicoddled in their declining years. I was about to find out! Pro Byte and his evil alter ego, Dr Moriarty, were about to teach me a lesson or two I will do well not to forget!
Lesson number one. Always tell the slowest and most reluctant hashers that the run is a very tough one, that they might not be man enough to complete it, that if they want to have a go then they should arrive and start early. Ahhh, I get it, it plays to their vanity, makes them feel special and more determined than ever not to show any weakness, to complete the run and to demonstrate they can still cope with anything that any stupid hare can lay before them. A masterstoke! No need for a time-consuming wimp/rambo split, and if they collapse on trail then it would be their own stupid fault. After all, they had been warned!
With Frozen Dick and Tiptoe already pumped up and out on the run when we arrived, the hare herded us back into the songthaew and we set off down the road to the B site – an unusual B to A run, then. With a brief hare brief devoid of any instructions about what to do with false trails and the promise of a sub 7k run, we set off happily down the road, with Mr Poo and me running down hill ahead of a typically slow-starting pack. And it was here that Forest-Gump-Poo, for some reason unknown to anyone other than himself, decided to keep on running . . . and running . . . and running . . . seemingly taking no notice whatsover of any checks (or absence of) or calls (or absence of), and that was the last I saw of him until he arrived sweating profusley back at the A having run about 3k further than anyone else. Strange . . .
And then we were off into the forest and trails that Dr Byte had used for his ballbreaker a few years ago. I remembered some of them but certainly not all. Nice trails, until that is we came to the second (I think) false trail which happened not to have been on any discernable trail. Snowballs found it and he wasn’t quite sure what to do, because of course he hadn’t been briefed. I politely advised Snowballs to pick up some paper and reset the trail but because we weren’t on a trail it would have been difficult to reset even for an experienced Chiang Mai hasher, and as Snowballs hadn’t been briefed on how to reset a false trail . . . It was here that I began to feel a tad sorry for those who were behind in the pack. Would they be able to find trail, I wondered?
And then there was the hill of death, almost verticle with a slippery surface, only a few thin trees to steady the pace of descent. Snowballs had already tumbled beautifuly just ahead of the slide, but now it was the turn of that downhill headcase Angry Inch, who descended so fast that he actually took off into space half way down and only just manged to grasp hold of a tree, his momentum swinging his tiny Ewok physique almost 360 degrees before he was forced to let go. He sailed majestically upwards into the atmoshere and then fell hard, straight down into the gully by the side of the trail. OMG, the sickening, appalling noise of the crash, which I was absolutely convinced would result in a smashed skull or at the very least a broken limb. I was concerned. But I needn’t have been. Up popped the little Ewok from the undergrowth, bushing off the stckers from his stumpy legs, and with a shrill war cry on his lips, he ran off like nothing had happened at all. Amazing? Dumb?
Turkey, Turkey, Turkey. The hare had obviously briefed him before the run on how to fuck up every other hasher and “win”, and this the Turk did and almost did with the evil precision and mastery of Dr Moriarty himself. Turkey had somehow managed to worm his way to the front of the pack – way out in front . . . suspicious, I really think so. Off of a circle check, Turkey had taken the only trail available. By the time the rest of us arrived at the check, he had obviously been following paper for about three hundred metres or so without calling. So when he did eventaully call, the obvious line to take was directly towards the call which took us through nasty, waist-high shiggy and on to a water crossing that really couldn’t be made. Piggy correctly kicked out the check and laid paper in the direction of the call, in the direction to that shitty, shitty shiggy. Some of us circled through the deepest part of the shit and eventually found a safe water crossing point and others went back and tried to find Turkey’s trail that headed over a rickey old bridge. Safe to say that we lost a lot of time there while Turkey dissappeared into the distance, and the trail was completely fucked up for all those who followed. It was almost dark. Nice job Turkey.
And then we were heading towars the A site, but with a series of excellent false trails and checks we didn’t seem to be getting any closer to home. I will admit to a sneaky look at the GPS to verify this. I guesstimate that we stayed at a distance of 600m from the A for about 2k of running. What the fuck?
Finally, with an excellent false trail and a clever true trail (sorry Gravy) that brought us out just ahead of the false trail, there was the welome sight of the On In. There was concern that others would struggle to find there way back, particularly as I had not seen Poo since his early eccentricity, and had not seen Frozen Dick and Tiptoe at all. Where the fuck were they? It was very dark! But the hare was not concerned. All would be well in the end. After all, he had warned them. And there was a well-stocked BBQ, and cold beers. We had in fact run about 9k (Poo 11k) and so we sort of tucked into the BBQ and beers with increasing relish and forgot about those left out on the trail . . .
It was very, very dark, but then the stragglers appeared out of the gloom, and I waited for a reaction. But surprise, surprise there were only fist-pumps and smiles, no angry voices. We demolished the rest of the meat and crisps and swilled the cool beer that always tastes its best after a long, hard run. Piggy conducted the circle in a fun and participative manner that has become his wlcome trademark style – good job GM!
So what lessons did I learn from Pro Byte’s run, appart from the excellent way in which to engage those who may not otherwise wish to partake in a tough, long hash that I have already referred to. Well, it is clear that handled correctly you can get away with just about anything. Us old guys might moan a bit but when the chips are down we can still cope with and thoroughly enjoy a traditional, long, tough male run and still be physically able to eat like pigs and drink beer like thirsty camels. You can almost maim a male hasher (Angry Inch), get someone to fuck it all up (Turkey), wear hashers down to the bone physically (9+k – excleent job Frozen/Tippy), and use all forms of dangerous terraine (death slides – waiste-high shiggy) and still we will come back to the A ready for some beers and fun in the circle. Thanks for the lessons hare, I’ll be sure to use them well on my next male hash trail :-)
Great job all round, Pro Byte, or does Dr Moriarty now hold permanent sway over the mind of the most intelligent Chiang Mai hasher . . . mooo-ha-ha-ha!
Long live the male hash! We don’t need no stinking incontence pants – well not quite yet, anyhow!

5th December – CH3 – Liberace

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Libbers teamed up with Crap Thai, and headed to a favourite hunting ground out in Maejo at Praphats farm. This time the songthaew arrived in time and we were ready to go on time. The co-hare handed out torches like confetti which did nothing to improve our confidence! The eagerness at the start was lacking, and in the end it was Kwazi who broke into a run and got to the first check – only to stop and take a pee rather than actually check. With Sloppy heading left, I reluctantly headed right, and sure enough there was a check back. Damnit!

Back on trail, and I was at the back, but the next check (a cross) still hadn’t been solved. Brownie was put off from checking left as there was a gate with a sign saying keep out. Finally it was called from through the gate, although we hadn’t found a check back straight. It was a bit fishy, but fortunately I knew a way of bypassing the house with the keep out sign…. Unfortunately the way I knew was now overgrown and impossible to pass. I was forced to go back to the check, and I was way, way behind. For the rest of the trail there were nowhere near enough checks to give me any chance of getting back into it either. I overtook Frozen Dick and Tip Toe as we passed a random drunk guy ranting about how he would follow us if he hadn’t had a car crash – wtf? Next up Soapy was panting his way up a small incline.

I know the area pretty well, but Libbers did a great job of finding a trail that wasn’t familiar to me. We cut up the side of a hill on a little goat trail – perfectly hashable, except when you get stuck behind Does Nothing, Kwazi and Square Rooter. It was quite treacherous in places – steep cliff off to the side, but better than some trails we’ve been expected to survive. A nice loop and I was wondering where we would pop out. I met ABB on the descent and then Shrek, who both stuck on my heels as we tried to swing from tree to tree down the steep rocky goat trail. At the bottom was Pussy Whisperer and Cuckold, and then amazingly Frozen Dick and TipToe – excellent hashing! I figured there may be some good checks on the last stretch which might give me a chance to get back into it, and jogged off pausing briefly to retrieve Mr. Poo who was randomly wandering off in the wrong direction – I do wonder how often he does that…

I pushed off, but there were no checks, it was just trail across the motocross track, through an A-site that I like, and back to the OnIn on the far side of the lake. A nice route, but could have done with some more checks to keep people together, and give me a chance to catch up!

19th November – CSH3 – Frozen Dick

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Lets go backwards… The ONONON… I will never set foot in that establishment again – completely and utterly the most disgusting experience I have ever had, anywhere, ever. I have gained a reputation for getting bad service, getting my food last, or not at all…. I am trying to be composed and relaxed about it, and ordered a burger, reconfirming the order with the owner a while later. I have NEVER been shouted at by the (farang) owner of a restaurant after I didn’t get my dish. She didn’t care at all, initially blaming me for confusing her staff (by ordering a burger), and then blaming my friends for eating my burger!!!!! After 10-15 minutes of being shouted at by the owner of the restaurant, I went to say goodbye to my friends, whereupon she followed me and continued to shout at both me and the rest of the hashers. I trust that nobody will ever visit that restaurant ever again.

Backwards… The circle was good – the hare was heard to remark that often the better circles come after a fucked up run… Yes, Frozen, you know what is coming….

I arrived at the runsite and Frozen initially suggested I parked 100m or so away from the circle, which isn’t a great idea as beer monster. After a very long hare brief, we were finally set off with ambiguous instructions. We hadn’t even found trail when we were off paper with Obscene calling us on on old paper. Finally we were underway and I nailed the first couple of checks and then promptly got it wrong. Chasing back I was running up a bit of a hill, and we got to a couple of V checks before all hell broke loose. A circle check….

A circle check… a harmless circle check? We scattered… And we found paper…. Boy did we find paper… We found paper all over the fucking place!! And the hare had be kind enough to autograph ever piece of paper with “FDSS” (frozen dick and Sheep Shagger – note Sheep Shagger wanted nothing to do with it – he wasn’t even there). Sadly 90% of the paper we found had FDSS on it… And it was leading in all different directions! Several times we confidently set off following trail, only to run out of paper. Other groups of hashers were following other sections of trail, sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards… The only thing that was absolutely clear was… we had no fucking idea what we were supposed to be doing!

I ran back to the previous V check to check if it really was a check back on the other trail. HRA was running around talking about rubber tire bridges, and we shouldn’t cross them, the hare said so… Finally there was a huge “ONON” call, and all headed towards it, only to find Chuckie, calling us back to the circle and saying he was giving up and heading home… (except he didn’t know which way home was!) I pointed out where home was and told him how to get there back down the road, but also that it wasn’t the point of the hashing – I wanted to solve the mystery! We found another circle check and Angry Inch failed to find paper down the obvious road – at this point, just about everyone gave up and headed home, leaving only Brown Finger and I trying to figure it out. We followed a trail backwards, we knew the paper was backwards, and then when trail ended we were very close to “the circle” after doing a bit of a loop around. Things were making sense now, and back to the circle where everyone gave up. This time we approached from the correct direction, and with almost all other directions thoroughly checked, everything became clear like a flash of light – we turned left and headed into shiggy.

From there it was nice running trail, and Brownie kindly jogged along at my pace so we could run in together, overtaking HRA & Cumalot holding hands after the OnIn. Fun times!

http://labs.strava.com/flyby/viewer/#779862116?c=w5q61w6j&z=G&t=1OC2d4&a=ZMB7LlFYdi4

4th July – CH3 – Team USA

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Kwazi, Frozen & Rooter teamed up for a USA themed run. How many hares does it take to fuck up a run? 5 o’clock came, and went… Apparently we were waiting for Sloppy Rod… Finally we climbed aboard the songthaew and set off to the B. It was a B->A. I am in favour of runs that aren’t just circles, but I much prefer an A->B, than a B->A… The logistics are the same either way – transport is either needed at the start, or at the end, but with A->B, we don’t know where we are trying to get to which makes the checks much harder. The thought of an A->B was too much for Horny Monkey, Does Nothing and Sunspot, who chose to walk along the dam for a bit. The rest of us finally got started on the run around 5:30. Thankfully it is getting dark late (I should remember that next week!)

It kicked off with some temple steps, but only around 100. And then a virtual check at the top. Sloppy went right, back down the hill, Lollipop (long time returner) went left, and I carried on straight up the hill. Not far along I spotted a bright orange rimping plastic bag dangling from a tree in front of me. Nice I thought… I jogged up, and this was the unique aspect of the run. Rather than calling On-On, we were to set fire to some fire crackers. I pulled the bag down, and inspected the contents. I have never set fire to fire crackers before, and had no idea what bit I should set fire to. Frankly I avoid town during Loi Kratong, at least in part because it scares me. I gingerly set fire to the paper, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. I was trying to get into the spirit, so called HRA over to help – he didn’t really know what to do either. CW was approaching, but just before he got there HRA figured out we needed to set fire to the string. Bang bang bang bang – we were off, UP UP UP UP!

We pressed on, steep up a hill that I’d scouted a couple of weeks ago, and decided against using. These hares were pushing on to the top. That much was clear to me, but we did run out of paper and struggled for a while to find trail again. Very hard to follow the odd bit of paper buried in bushes when we are scrambling through the brush. Not to worry, I got to the top, and a trail – off to the left a circle, so I was going right, and sure enough another bright orange bag! Many of the checks were visible a long way off, but the fire crackers did make a fun difference. I got the hang of lighting them, and collected lighters as I nailed a few checks – seriously I was thinking of setting something similar next Monday, but will go to Doi Saket instead.

Another check, and a nice little trail that cut down to the right, and then we were on the main trail. A long, long stretch without checks. :( I pushed as hard as I could, but CW & Piggy closed me down. As they swept past I struggled to get my pacing back together. I expected us to drop down into the valley to run it out, but instead the hares kept us on top of the ridgeline, and surprised me with the final descent – I will remember that one for sure!

16th June – CH4 – Frozen Dick

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Frozen Dick teamed up with Tip Toe for another run on canal road. I’ve been sick this week, so wasn’t sure whether I’d make it, but the boys were very keen, so I made the effort. Damn traffic around the school meant we got to the runsite with moments to spare, fortunately an extended harebrief gave me time to put shoes on etc. The trail set off back down the hill, to a circle hidden in small field. Having driven in, (and missed a sign at the last turn), I was sure I hadn’t seen any paper, so cut back and sure enough led Chuckie to the paper.

So we’d gone down the road, to just go back up a gorge again? Another check was placed to try to draw attention away from a nice little hidden trail to the right. I spotted it, and was again lucky. The checks were coming thick and fast, and there was no way I would get the next one right. So many choices – gullys, or hills in all directions. I picked the obvious one, up the hill in the middle, knowing I could drop down into gullys either side if necessary. I climbed 120m or so, and there was no sign of any paper. I wasn’t surprised, Frozen is too good a hare to make that check that obvious. I caught my breathe. I was sorely tempted to continue up, as I was sure I’d be able to intercept trail somewhere, but as nobody called OnOn after they had scattered, I guessed the hare had pulled a fast one. I ran back down, and yes, the hares had gone back on trail – fortunately I was back near the front with Cougar and Cumalot. I chased them up the hill, wanting first choice on the next check. I turned right and could see another check in the distance – CW came along with me.

A fork, and I picked left, promptly advising CW he joined me. Another check, and finally I got it very wrong. It took a while to catch back up, but I did when a check foxed everyone. After being called wrong once, we went another way and found paper everywhere. There was much confusion. I figured out which way the trail was headed, called ONON and started running, only to immediately trip and fall face first. Damnit – wait till you have everyone’s attention and then face plant. Not the last time on this run.

The hares dropped us down into a gully, to then make us climb higher, steeper, harder back up the god damn hill. Geez that was tough. A check, and when I got paper I could barely get noise out to call the pack on. Geez, that was a climb. Not much of a surprise that CW, Piggy & HRA were on me by the time the trail levelled off, and I needed more recovery time. HRA smurfed a check, but then there was a good km or so of running trail – CW & Piggy took off. I missed trail briefly, and ABB passed by before the descent. For the 2nd time I turned my ankle tripping on the way down. Damnit!

Somewhat caught the 2 FRBs at the penultimate check, but when I spread the paper in the wrong direction it took me some time to pick it all up again and lay it again. Damnit!

Great set hares, some really good checks and some good running trails. Thanks!

13th September – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

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Numbers were seriously depleted again, perhaps from the threat of rain, or perhaps because Turkey was the hare? Anyway, the group assembled for Turkey’s hare brief, before setting off on trail.

First check could have gone 4 different ways, but I was lucky picking the right way towards the inevitable hills. Another check, and I gambled through a gate into the orchard that I’d got stuck in a few weeks back on Frozen’s run. There was paper there, but it clearly wasn’t from this run. Although I spotted some white in the distance which was surely where the OnIn would be. Chuckie called from off to the left, and I hacked my way through, crawling under a barbed wire fence to get back on trail.

I was a long way behind, but finally caught up at another circle check. No sign of CW, so I assumed he’d broken clear, until Poo told me he’d short cut on old paper. There was a lot of old paper, from Itchy’s run, Frozen’s run and Taste My Buns’ run, so its an easy mistake to make. Taste My Buns led the way across rolling hills passing Frozen on a strategic short cut, and back out into the orchard. So soon? I checked into the jungle as surely we weren’t heading back yet?

The race was on as we came through the orchard with TMB checking one side of the lake, and me going the other side. I was right!@ Excellent, with Knockout and Poo following… huh? There was the racist TMB up ahead having gone the ‘wrong’ side of the lake! Some local knowledge had her gleefully calling OnIn, only to find CW already tucking into the beers when we got back. 30 mins, a very short loop, but still one that a lot of people ‘short cut’!

4th August – CH3 – Byte My Yahoo

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Author Pig Shit
So with shit for brains it’s obvious that this will not be a long or detailed account, but as BMY normally does the write up’s for the run blog and on this occasion he is the hare he can’t be allowed to comment on his own run, so here goes:
The location was the depths of Mae Jo, 4th u turn passed the Uni. I was in the Songtau and it took a long time to get to the run site, I think about 45 minutes. We arrived to see the tent had been erected which was just as well because no sooner had we pulled up then the heavens opened up and it continued to rain for the next 30 to 40 minutes, heavy rain. (Thanks Turkish Delight, great tent, what forethought).
The hare brief was necessarily short as nobody could hear a thing over the noise of the pouring water. ‘We’re running on shredded paper, there’s only circle checks and the trails that way’, So we’re off. This is where things become a little hazy coz i’m head down, bum up running as best I can. I remember being bloody wet and seeing Sloppy Rod an Chucky up ahead most of the time. We passed Tip Toe at a circle check at which he had arrived, apparently with Frozen Dick, well ahead of the pack, (thanks to BMY giving him the grease on the best short cuts available) We didn’t see Frozen at that time and not again until night had fallen. I remember going up and up through densely wooded areas and the shouts of on on which could barely be heard over the consistent down pour. I remember long periods of fast flat running. In all I believe the run was well over the 6km mark and had a unanimous vote of excellent run. The circle was good fun especially as Frozen Dick and Liberace where absent for most of the time having decided to take their own route and coming in just before pitch black. The hare seemed unconcerned as did most of the pack with only an occasional glance back along the trail to see if they were returning any time soon, Eventually we saw flash lights in the distance letting us know they were nearly home. Anyway all made it back safely and we live to run another day. Again, consensus of opinion :great run. thanks Byte.

1st May – CH4 – HRA

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The new CH4 runday, the new CH4 runtime – who would show up? how many? I arrived early, missing the traffic from work, and past Frozen Dick & Microwave getting some extra exercise on the way to the run – on their bikes. Microwave set off for a bit of a recce to find some trail. Turned out around 30 or so hashers showed up, one of the larger CH4 turn outs for a while. It was nice to see Ninja, Taste my Buns, Beautiful Box join us, and I’m sure there were some guys too – oh yeah, Sups was there. Not a bad start!

Eventually HRA let us have a hare brief and set us off. So called virgin trails – ha! Anyway, we set off and Chuckie and I walked for a while before starting a jog and eventually getting to the first check together. One of us should check left, buuuut… nah… Unlikely! So we carried on and found trail. I’ve never been to the left there, but nor has there ever been a hash set to the left there – I figure it’s a dead end! The next check we had to split up, and I opted for the regular route to the left. Somehow it was None of Your Business that found the 3rd choice and called us on. He led the way for a while as we headed into the hills. I enjoyed following Knock Out, Ninja and Itchy up the hill, and as we got to the top I caught up at a sneaky False Trail that was omitted from the hare brief.

We followed old trails up a ridgeline, and another circle check was surely going to take the trail up the the buddha statue on the hill… Nope? Seriously? He wanted to take us down to the gully? Damn! A circle check at the bottom of the hill, had me guessing it was to the left. I followed Itchy for a few paces before LumberJackOff called from the other direction. Where was it going? Turns out he was calling on old paper. Sure enough we were back up the hill, back to the trail by the little buddha statue – I could have saved myself the down and up if I’d just gone with my original theory. What the hell, we descended quickly to another familiar runsite.

Chuckie went further to the right – further away from home, while I mossied around a couple of trails, only to find Pigshit looking at some paper! He’d been absent all trail and then showed up ahead – had he spent some time at Graven’s private hashing school??? We charged down the hill to the Wimp Rambo split – a glance at the watch and it was already nearly 45 minutes – did we need the rambo option? Ugh, being first there, I guess I should do it…

Next circle check and I am a complete fucking moron. I should know the area better than that, but found myself checking out on a peninsula, while Graven’s favourite padawan called “RU?” from the other side of the lake, mockingly, like a blind man who really hadn’t seen the trail he was following! 😉 Back on trail, and back with the pack, somehow Taste my Buns was up front – nice running! We climbed through a barbed wire fence, while Horny took the arduous route over a tall gate. Down the road – we were homing in on the A. Taste my Buns was leading the way, and bizarrely she went right at another circle check – that wasn’t going anywhere. Chuckie alongside, and only Lumber Jack Off lumbering ahead, I made my move… We were nearly home, everything was falling into place, one more check, turn left and we are back in…. Except it wasn’t left, it was straight on… and coming back from 150m or so I was back behind None Of Your Business! He looked over his shoulder, saw me, started running, looked at his watch, figured it was too far, and the lazy boy gave up.

We had an extra loop around, but it was all kicked out as I came through, having the luxury of watching Chuckie and Horny congratulate each other as they found the final check and hence the OnIn.

Rain for the circle temporarily moved us up the hill to shelter, and then back to the the original site for a delayed, but entertaining circle.

20th April – CH4 – Pigshit

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Virgin Hare… what could we expect???

In these write ups, it is rare for me to be overly positive – my attitude generally is that respect, and compliments, need to be earned – if it’s a spade, then I won’t call it a shovel. I’m not good at pandering to people, so sometimes I find myself doing a write up, where I’m clutching at straws to find positives to talk about in a run. Today is not one of those days. With that preamble, I would have to say that today’s run was fucking brilliant.

I could leave it there, but should go into more detail. It was at the back of BJ Ranch near Ob Khan. Frozen has been setting some good runs there, and there are clearly some great trails up in the hills there. Before the run we were all talking about the “Double Check Back V Check” from not so long back, and hoping the virgin hare wouldn’t make a rookie mistake. The hare brief came, and in this case “hare brief” was not the correct description – it wasn’t so much of a “hare long”, but more a passage of time where the hare just told us complete lies. There as a Wimp / Rambo split, but the wimp trail came in at 2.5km, and the Rambo came in at about 5 – not the 7km we were promised!

We set off up the hill towards the other runsite we use (the one with the shelter that could have been useful as rain was threatening!). First check, and I got it wrong, but given where we were, both choices met at the same point. As I paralleled over to the trail I had a dispute with one of the laziest old dogs I’ve ever seen. It was a very old labrador, that had lost its voice, felt like it should bark and be aggressive to me, but just didn’t have the heart to go through with it. Anyway, I came around the hill to the circle check arriving the same time as None of Your Business who looked incredibly disappointed to see me, and promptly sprinted off. I plodded along and for a while Poo and I were feeling old as Willy Walls and NOYB set the pace ahead of us – damn kids these days!

That was all over at the next check as I led the way – and then over my shoulder the loudest caller turned out to be Brown Finger – the co-hare!!! WTF? BF was sticking with his FRB ways, even though he knows the way, he’s got to be up front calling OnOn! I screwed up the next check, and when I caught up some hashers were checking around, while the rest were giving Brown Finger the Spanish Inquisition as he guarded the circle. There was no OnOn call, and BF was being worn down. Eventually he crumbled, and without telling me explicitly where to go, he gave enough away, and I was back on trail. Graven appeared behind me and we started working well as a team putting some distance in past the W/R split. Things were going well.

It was deja vu. Graven and I were working well together up front. Now when I look back at the track from my GPS, it is clear the hares had me completely twisted up in circles – excellent play! I was checking completely in the wrong direction (looking for the 7km run). A bit disoriented, I’m not sure why I kept going wrong at that point, but sure enough some of the pack caught up, and somehow Graven slipped past me. When we got back on trail it was straight forward back to the OnIn and the beer!

A virgin circle running, where many protocols were absentmindedly overlooked. A good circle nonetheless – even with a long story about the US coast guards!