Tag Archives: Pussy Whisperer

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

26th December – CH3 – Kwazi Moto

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It was Maejo, and while the 4th U-turn would have been better, we were signed from the 2nd, weaving our way to a secluded runsite beneath the temple steps. Finding the runsite was hard enough, but what kind of a run had Kwazi put together? It started pleasantly enough following the trail along the bottom of the hills into Praphat’s farmland. At this point, I was beginning to think the hill was a decoy and that we would be sticking to the flatter land somehow?

A very difficult check in Praphat’s farm had us all over the place, gradually further away from the check and from the hill. Finally Pussy Whisperer found it (I think), but it took a while for me to figure out where he was, and longer to get all the way back to the circle. When I did, there was nobody around. Finally I found paper into a ditch and then straight up the steep cliff. WTF?! I caught a glimpse of Square Rooter way up the hill ahead of me, and tried to press on up. But I was on my own, and this was a devilishly steep hill. Rather than going straight up, I tried to veer left and right to lessen the incline, like S bends on the road to Pai. I was making progress and got about halfway up before pausing. I recalled scouting this hill previously and deciding not to put hashers through it. I hung onto a tree, sat down for a moment and realised just how severe the slope was – I was barely able to cling on! I wasn’t sure if it would be easier to continue to the trail that I knew was at the top, or slither my way back down. As I was on my own, I opted to slide back down the hill and retrace my steps.

I didn’t see any other hashers, even though some were left out very late into darkness… ABB had to be rescued by LungLaa, but everyone survived…

19th December – CH3 – ABB

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ABB teamed up with Sheep Shagger, and it was the back of the Ag. Center. SS is quite new to hashing, and while ABB has been hashing forever in Bangkok, he’s joined us since we stopped using the Ag. Centre trails as regularly as we used to… Which means that most of the pack knows those trails really fucking well, and probably better than the hares could find in a new visit… (I could search the archives for the day that Frozen and I decided we would try to find something virgin there… and failed). There are no virgins to be found, and it takes clever checks to deceive the Ag Center sluts.

We set off and were immediately on the trail along the back of the wall, Brownie and I discussed which side of the wall we would go, and he was right – it was left. Although the very first NOT check, was deceiving with powder to the right, even though we went left. Powder when the hare brief had only talked about paper. When hashers get used to looking for powder, they look for powder, and ignore paper.

We were on powder, and Poo was ahead, with Graven. It seemed like there were several “back-checks” in a row, where we got to a junction, there was no check, and while powder lured the likes of Brownie off to the left, some of us veered right and soon found powder. It happened a few times and the pack was split. I was taking it steady, but got to a check and I knew most of the pack was off to the left, but was on paper to the right, ahead a V check, and Graven somewhere. I got to the corner of the dam, and Graven had followed powder down the hill – I waited for the inevitable “CIRCLE CHECK” before I ran across the dam and found powder. Somehow Poo was even further ahead, but added an extra loop as I joined with him as we headed over the 2nd dam. A “V” check. I was first, and of course went to the right. Poo right behind said “shall I kick it out now…? meh! Following Byte”! Some of us have been here before!

Another check, and I went right, even though I should have gone left. After 70m from the check I could see another circle… I tentatively called “CHECKING”, and moments before I got to the check, Poo called “ONON”, I saw the trail leading to it, and realised it was another back check, pushing on and down the hill. The trail suddenly ducked right into some bushes… Yah right… I do not believe this for a fooking minute! I was 100% convinced it was a false trail (it was), but I felt duty bound to do the right thing. Sure enough it was a false trail, and I joined Graven and Poo. I jumped the gate and paddled through shit only to get to the other side of a pile of cowshit and Graven call “ONON” to the right. Damnit. Fuck that, I’m not going back, I can loop around back to the road, there is plenty of hash left.

I jogged long a couple of hundred yards and spotted powder just ahead. Excellent, I was back in it. There were 4 squirts of powder, and then a junction. I checked left, nothing, I checked straight, nothing… Feck. Where was everyone else? I gave up and headed back towards where I’d last seen them, but then I found a circle…. Pure, unbroken, like a virgin in the dark that just needed enough effort, enough persuasion to find her direction. Where was everyone? It was a circle, for sure, and I had powder off it for sure, and hunted around until Pussy Whisperer arrived. He was so excited to be an FRB that he wanted to check in every direction. Finally he came and looked at my powder, and suggested it might be mould leaves… several mouldy leaves powder distance apart, a miracle of infortune.

We were down to 2. We would solve the virgin circle between us, no matter what. I went another way. And then back to the road. PW had already been left, but maybe not far enough? I went further, and I went off to the right too, nothing, nada. WTF. Finally as I headed back to the circle I could see PW in the distance down the road, whispering something! He had found the solution and while I was off checking, he’d gone all the way back to the circle to finally kick it out correctly. Thankfully he got the wings, because if anyone deserved them, PW did.

As I got back to the junction where the fuckup (and I don’t use the term lightly) had occurred Mr. Poo appeared from the right. WTF? Was he still checking? Nope, he was on his second lap, because frankly it was shit – perhaps I paraphrase? I jogged with him until another check kicked out to the right. Poo muttered something along the lines of, trail is there, but it is shit, so I’m going along the road. I did so too… And PW following behind got a wee bit confused, but fortunately made his way back in the end…

There have been great Ag Center runs in the past – I remember some awesome runs! In recent history Does Nothing has used the trails in interesting ways. Today was “cute” – too “cute”.

5th December – CH3 – Liberace

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Libbers teamed up with Crap Thai, and headed to a favourite hunting ground out in Maejo at Praphats farm. This time the songthaew arrived in time and we were ready to go on time. The co-hare handed out torches like confetti which did nothing to improve our confidence! The eagerness at the start was lacking, and in the end it was Kwazi who broke into a run and got to the first check – only to stop and take a pee rather than actually check. With Sloppy heading left, I reluctantly headed right, and sure enough there was a check back. Damnit!

Back on trail, and I was at the back, but the next check (a cross) still hadn’t been solved. Brownie was put off from checking left as there was a gate with a sign saying keep out. Finally it was called from through the gate, although we hadn’t found a check back straight. It was a bit fishy, but fortunately I knew a way of bypassing the house with the keep out sign…. Unfortunately the way I knew was now overgrown and impossible to pass. I was forced to go back to the check, and I was way, way behind. For the rest of the trail there were nowhere near enough checks to give me any chance of getting back into it either. I overtook Frozen Dick and Tip Toe as we passed a random drunk guy ranting about how he would follow us if he hadn’t had a car crash – wtf? Next up Soapy was panting his way up a small incline.

I know the area pretty well, but Libbers did a great job of finding a trail that wasn’t familiar to me. We cut up the side of a hill on a little goat trail – perfectly hashable, except when you get stuck behind Does Nothing, Kwazi and Square Rooter. It was quite treacherous in places – steep cliff off to the side, but better than some trails we’ve been expected to survive. A nice loop and I was wondering where we would pop out. I met ABB on the descent and then Shrek, who both stuck on my heels as we tried to swing from tree to tree down the steep rocky goat trail. At the bottom was Pussy Whisperer and Cuckold, and then amazingly Frozen Dick and TipToe – excellent hashing! I figured there may be some good checks on the last stretch which might give me a chance to get back into it, and jogged off pausing briefly to retrieve Mr. Poo who was randomly wandering off in the wrong direction – I do wonder how often he does that…

I pushed off, but there were no checks, it was just trail across the motocross track, through an A-site that I like, and back to the OnIn on the far side of the lake. A nice route, but could have done with some more checks to keep people together, and give me a chance to catch up!

26th September – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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A big congratulations to Mr. Poo as he is accepted into the Belly Dancer academy for hares who lost hashers in the dark on a mountain. At least it wasn’t raining… much… I slipped away from work and managed to make it to the hash – it was on my way home, so I really should make the effort! Over 2 months since I’ve been on the male hash, but I still wasn’t considered a returner – meh!

Behind the conference center, and we set off up the hill behind the temple. I seemed to be the only one running, and nailed the first couple of checks. The hares had tried to hide the paper on the trail beyond the barbed wire fence, but I could just about see a bit of white. The trail eventually turned left, and I so nearly checked there first, but was far enough ahead to get back, and find the trail, along with Square Rooter. Another circle, and we both thought Poo was heading towards the Boy Scout camp – typical Poo style! We checked further than we should have, and finally HRA called up the hill to the right. Damnit! My guts were screaming at me, and a Horny Monkey was definitely needed. I headed back slowly making sure the pack passed by, so I could find a quiet area.

I wasted around 5 minutes and thought I probably wouldn’t see the pack again. Climbed another hill, and came down to a nice flat trail – these trails are definitely more overgrown than last time I was up there! I rounded a corner and there was Piggy, along with just about everyone else. A stretch without paper had slowed everyone down and I was back with the pack, and lighter! We came out onto the main trail, and I recognised the junction where Diddly Squat and I met the army a few months ago. I was tired and figured it was time to head home, but the hare had other ideas…

Square Rooter called ONON from up the hill again – I’d already suggested to Piggy it was unlikely, but we followed the call… Well over 100m, but this trail was starting to get confusing. Another check, and suspicions were confirmed – we were now going backwards. I guessed a “Figure OF 8″…

Figure of 8 – it seems either works, figure of 8 or figure 8 – I’ve not heard it without the of before! but I much prefer this definition – HERE – go on, click the link!

As we were going backwards on trail, I suggested to HRA & Piggy that we continue and figure out what we were supposed to have done, so we carried on, calling “NoNo”. HRA & Piggy seemed completely confused when trail ran out, and then 100m later there was a circle with paper running off it. I tried to explain, but in the end gave up. HRA later said “I know we were running backwards on trail, but it just seemed like it was the wrong way…” <– Yes, perhaps Does Nothing’s juices had an effect? A while later, we found Alice, ABB and a bunch of others coming the other way (the correct way). By now light was fading, and it was time to head back, which was back along the trail. Kwazi wasn’t convinced, and persuaded Pussy Whisperer to follow the road out to the Boy Scout camp – bad idea! They arrived much later after Pussy Whisperer paid for a songthaew. Piggy, HRA, Alice & ABB listened to me and followed me back, passing Mr. Poo on trail as we finally finished his 6KM run – I stepped off the mountain just as it went black, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be out there even 2 minutes longer! Others weren’t so lucky, but fittingly Poo was the last one in. The circle was…. wtf?! A couple of mouthfuls of Does Nothing’s special blend, and Frozen was leading the drunkenness. I’m alive, everyone made it, and I think everyone has forgiven Poo! Let’s change the runtime before someone gets hurt!