Tag Archives: Angry Inch

14th Jan – CSH3 – Foxy & TMB

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It seems like every week is a ‘special’ run, with hares putting extra efforts in as the hash goes from strength to strength! We had the Xmas Eve run, the New Years Eve run, the Ball Breaker, and now a barbecue run at Foxy’s new place, with special contributions from 3 1/2 Inch, Anti Virus and Turkish Delight. The event drew out from the wordwork the likes of Bone Hur (& Bone Idol) amongst the throng of regulars and visitors! Numbers seemed reasonable when we set off on the run, but clearly quite a few extras didn’t realise just how (ffing) far down Hang Dong road it was, and just how many traffic lights we had to get through – the likes of Super family, Cool Balls & family, and the Shagless wedding party arriving late.

Those that were ready set off immediately to a circle check in the middle of Foxy’s compound. Finally Turkish found the trail after we had broken through a fence and escaped – he found trail, but waited a while before letting anyone else know, and it took the rest of us a while longer to figure out how to get to where he was calling from. We followed after Turkish and got to another circle. Turkish had gone 100m or so to the right, Brownie was reluctantly checking ahead, and while another couple milled around the check, I begrudgingly checked to the left – towards the Hang Dong road… It was a 0%’er, but someone had to do it. I got a full 100 paces, slowly, before that Tvrkish fvcking cvnt called. Tw@t c0ck tvrd d!ck cvnt. We saw him in the distance as we ran across a field to another circle. Again I got it wrong and checked right. I suspect Turkish had had time to check that way already, but others caught him as the call came – I didn’t see him again until he was sat back at the runsite. SCB.

Obscene led for a while, and suddenly we hit a very familiar trail – yes, Shagless had set here. A false trail to the right brought the pack together and then it was HRA and I checking forwards on the road. It was quite a way, but finally we found powder. The next circle was tucked around the corner. Brownie and Scooby carried along the road, and then pointed left and cut across. I went around the corner and saw them on a parallel road pointing at a tree. They said they had paper, but seemed confused about what to do. Apparently the BB screw up has given them mental scars and they were fearful of calling. Coming from the correct direction it made pretty good sense, the paper hidden on the back of the tree, and I set off. Brownie followed while Scooby continued confusing the pack behind us – arriving at the next check with only Brownie and Bob was a bit weird, but we all managed to check in completely the wrong places, twice, and now I was way behind again. Damn, I was getting everything wrong.

The trails were familiar, and I spent some time slowly moving towards the front, at one point the trail suddenly turned right, and I called Poo & Scooby back after they’d carried on forwards – well I called Poo back, and then spent a minute trying to remember what to call Scooby. Whatever, it worked, and we rejoined the front as they came back from a false trail. There was an obvious alternative, but I wasn’t placed in the right place to check it, so rather than just milling around I went left, and again was left behind. I was getting tired, and seemed to be constantly playing catch up, only to get it wrong when I did catch up.

Lizard Gizzard was ahead, but his advantage was negated by the pack recognising where we were and most not bothering to run around an extra loop. The pace had been quick – sub 7min per km, and I was starting to feel the pain. I dropped back a bit and watched the FRBs play the game. We could see Big C and I knew we weren’t far from home. We turned into a Moobaan, and there was a check that caught out most of the FRBs, and suddenly I was near the front with Graven and the Lizard. The Lizard missed trail for a moment and I was chasing Graven down – surely we would be home v. soon?? Trail turned abruptly left and suddenly the ground was spongy, moist and uneven. I walked taking care of my footing, while the rest of the pack charged past me. Half of them promptly sank waist deep into a nasty trap set my the hares! I remembered another run by Shagless when the same thing happened at the same point, but I can’t quite remember who it was that sank. We emerged back to the rice paddies, and Angry and I checked to the left along the edge of the fields, trying to avoid damaging them. Around 100m from the check, at the edge of the field, I spied Superman and Superbitch scuttling along the other side of a small creek – they were ON, so AI & I hopped over the creek and trudged in. Mostly a good running trail, but it really shows how long it takes to recover from a Ball Breaker like last week…

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

24th December – CSH3 – HRA & Brownfinger

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Twas the night before Xmas, and all of the hash gathered for beer and running, but mostly just beer. We were an hour premature, and just as well as the runsite was at the far edge of eternity. From here we would surely head deeper into unknown lands and find new trails? Nope. But we were all filled with Xmas cheer and were looking forward to whatever might happen. The songthaews were late, given the distance and condition of the roads it wasn’t a surprise! Finally we were released and sent back down the road we’d driven in on.


Turkish sprinted off without listening to the instructions, and promptly ran in the wrong direction. I picked up trail and behind me Angry Inch was attacked by a giant snake. A check – a V check and I confidently went to the right. God damn it! After scrambling up the fooking hill, I hit a check back. Mother Fuckers! And No present? My Christmas was ruined already! Back down the hill, I was grumbling, and already well back and trying to catch up. And then there were the hares with some kind of reindeer pussy juice, and I started feeling better about the whole thing.

But the pace was on and people were already off. There seems to be an added racism involved in hashing these days :( Another check and I was back in the mix when Scooby started running back past us. I’m not 100% sure, but I think he got a message sending him all the way back to the beer stop – nice and sporting of him to put in the extra legwork. I think if I had had to go back to the beer stop, I would probably have stayed there! Meanwhile Sloppy took great delight in me getting fucked over at the circle check, double bluffing myself while they just laughed at me. MOFOs.

I settled into mid FRB pack, trudging along familiar trails, aware there were people checking ahead, but not really seeing any action. The walkers had been let loose ahead of the FRBs, which is generally a disaster, and sure enough lead to several KM of just running. By chance I joined the front of the pack as we descended on a pile of presents! Woot woot! What would I get? Dmanit, a Santa dress! Sportingly I wore it for the rest of the run, and the temperature immediately rose – damn that was hot, and the dress didn’t stretch enough for me to run properly… I was slowing down…

We got to another check, and I later found out it was the mistletoe kissing check, but the calls were so confusing that I had no idea what was going on. I spent some time checking off back and to the right while I guess the rest of the hash were busy kissing each other. I called “RU?” several times, but got nothing back in return. When I finally went back to trail and discovered the mistletoe check there was some male visitor looking at me in a disturbing way! I cut across to rejoin the trail and sure enough found paper. The paper was interesting, and I immediately suspected the hares had done something interesting… – I went back on trail a short way to see how paper was laid towards what had to be a false trail. As I figured that out, Turkish sprinted past – “winning”! Ha… Graven wasn’t far behind, so I showed him the true trail and we jogged off towards the 2nd beer stop while Sloppy followed and Turkish embarrassed himself.

Another beer stop, and we were just around the corner from the A-site. Trail lead down the hill, and I was sure it must be a sneaky false trail! The hares assured me it was true trail, and reluctantly I attempted to jog in the dress down the hill. I was spent, but walked around the last loop the hares had forced us through and back to an entertaining circle. Nice job guys! Hashy Christmas everyone!

22nd December – CH4 – Suckit

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Suckit & Itchy teamed up, but this time from along Sameong road – I guess they were fed up of everyone else setting runs through their house 11km south? There were 2 songthaews and a large Happy hash group – the club is growing strong, we might need to buy more chairs!

We set off with Poo, Angry and I mixing up the start like a cycling peloton. Until the first check, when I was wrong. Finally it was called from the right, and I turned back only to see KO stood behind me with a look of distress. At first I thought she was just really disappointed to get the check wrong, but then I discovered she just wanted me to get out the way so she could take a pee! After another check I caught up, and sure enough promptly got the next check wrong – damnit! We ran over to the edge of the large quarry. A 50/50 chance, left or right. I didn’t think they would go around the quarry, so picked right. I didn’t get far before I was called to the left. I decided to take it easy for a bit, expecting the hill in the near future. The hill didn’t appear, instead, the pack just sprinted away…


Seriously, this was a fast paced hash – wtf was going on? My splits were reasonable, but I was back behind Kwazi! I decided to put some effort in, and tried to push for a couple of km. Sub 6 minute kms, and I didn’t seem to be making any ground. When I past Sex Pistol, she was equally flummoxed. The pace was very fast for a hash run. I wasn’t even close enough to hear any calls, I just plodded on through neatly kicked out checks. I wasn’t plodding though, I was pushing it, but seemed to be making no progress – amazing pace from the FRBs today!

I finally caught up by the small quarry lake beneath the temple, but a couple that checked the wrong way breezed past me and I gave in, steadying off to a jog walk. Only really running again when trying to explain to Blows Herself that we don’t overtake after the OnIn..!

Cheers Suckit – a deceptive trail that clearly fooled me more than anyone else, and was definitely a fast running trail.

12th December – CH3 – Byte My Yahoo

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(Courtesy of Brownfinger)

So then, from beer and bar girls to chocolate milk and early nights. This is how some view the sad progressive demise of the Chiang Mai male hashing community. Indeed, with the ever increasing average age of the proverbial male hasher, it has been said that the wearing of incontenance pants after the run will soon become mandatory to avoid any unpleasant urinary accidents during the circle or on the way home in the songthaew.
While I will quickly add that the above concerns are merely what I have heard others say and are not my own, I will confess to feeling a little worried about quite what to do when setting a male hash run. In fact I have of late somewhat dumbed them down, not in the sense that I think male hashers are dumb sons-of-bitches, although that certainly is true in a number of cases, but in the sense that I have tried to make them easier, taking into account more obvious infirmities and the general dibilitating effects of the ageing process on physical abilities: a wimp/rambo split for a run over 5k, nice trails with no bushwhacking, no nasty hills or shitty shiggy.
So, have I become a little too gentile in my run setting? Is my natural inclination to protect myself and my ageing brothers from the ravages of a traditional male run warranted. Do male hashers want to be mollicoddled in their declining years. I was about to find out! Pro Byte and his evil alter ego, Dr Moriarty, were about to teach me a lesson or two I will do well not to forget!
Lesson number one. Always tell the slowest and most reluctant hashers that the run is a very tough one, that they might not be man enough to complete it, that if they want to have a go then they should arrive and start early. Ahhh, I get it, it plays to their vanity, makes them feel special and more determined than ever not to show any weakness, to complete the run and to demonstrate they can still cope with anything that any stupid hare can lay before them. A masterstoke! No need for a time-consuming wimp/rambo split, and if they collapse on trail then it would be their own stupid fault. After all, they had been warned!
With Frozen Dick and Tiptoe already pumped up and out on the run when we arrived, the hare herded us back into the songthaew and we set off down the road to the B site – an unusual B to A run, then. With a brief hare brief devoid of any instructions about what to do with false trails and the promise of a sub 7k run, we set off happily down the road, with Mr Poo and me running down hill ahead of a typically slow-starting pack. And it was here that Forest-Gump-Poo, for some reason unknown to anyone other than himself, decided to keep on running . . . and running . . . and running . . . seemingly taking no notice whatsover of any checks (or absence of) or calls (or absence of), and that was the last I saw of him until he arrived sweating profusley back at the A having run about 3k further than anyone else. Strange . . .
And then we were off into the forest and trails that Dr Byte had used for his ballbreaker a few years ago. I remembered some of them but certainly not all. Nice trails, until that is we came to the second (I think) false trail which happened not to have been on any discernable trail. Snowballs found it and he wasn’t quite sure what to do, because of course he hadn’t been briefed. I politely advised Snowballs to pick up some paper and reset the trail but because we weren’t on a trail it would have been difficult to reset even for an experienced Chiang Mai hasher, and as Snowballs hadn’t been briefed on how to reset a false trail . . . It was here that I began to feel a tad sorry for those who were behind in the pack. Would they be able to find trail, I wondered?
And then there was the hill of death, almost verticle with a slippery surface, only a few thin trees to steady the pace of descent. Snowballs had already tumbled beautifuly just ahead of the slide, but now it was the turn of that downhill headcase Angry Inch, who descended so fast that he actually took off into space half way down and only just manged to grasp hold of a tree, his momentum swinging his tiny Ewok physique almost 360 degrees before he was forced to let go. He sailed majestically upwards into the atmoshere and then fell hard, straight down into the gully by the side of the trail. OMG, the sickening, appalling noise of the crash, which I was absolutely convinced would result in a smashed skull or at the very least a broken limb. I was concerned. But I needn’t have been. Up popped the little Ewok from the undergrowth, bushing off the stckers from his stumpy legs, and with a shrill war cry on his lips, he ran off like nothing had happened at all. Amazing? Dumb?
Turkey, Turkey, Turkey. The hare had obviously briefed him before the run on how to fuck up every other hasher and “win”, and this the Turk did and almost did with the evil precision and mastery of Dr Moriarty himself. Turkey had somehow managed to worm his way to the front of the pack – way out in front . . . suspicious, I really think so. Off of a circle check, Turkey had taken the only trail available. By the time the rest of us arrived at the check, he had obviously been following paper for about three hundred metres or so without calling. So when he did eventaully call, the obvious line to take was directly towards the call which took us through nasty, waist-high shiggy and on to a water crossing that really couldn’t be made. Piggy correctly kicked out the check and laid paper in the direction of the call, in the direction to that shitty, shitty shiggy. Some of us circled through the deepest part of the shit and eventually found a safe water crossing point and others went back and tried to find Turkey’s trail that headed over a rickey old bridge. Safe to say that we lost a lot of time there while Turkey dissappeared into the distance, and the trail was completely fucked up for all those who followed. It was almost dark. Nice job Turkey.
And then we were heading towars the A site, but with a series of excellent false trails and checks we didn’t seem to be getting any closer to home. I will admit to a sneaky look at the GPS to verify this. I guesstimate that we stayed at a distance of 600m from the A for about 2k of running. What the fuck?
Finally, with an excellent false trail and a clever true trail (sorry Gravy) that brought us out just ahead of the false trail, there was the welome sight of the On In. There was concern that others would struggle to find there way back, particularly as I had not seen Poo since his early eccentricity, and had not seen Frozen Dick and Tiptoe at all. Where the fuck were they? It was very dark! But the hare was not concerned. All would be well in the end. After all, he had warned them. And there was a well-stocked BBQ, and cold beers. We had in fact run about 9k (Poo 11k) and so we sort of tucked into the BBQ and beers with increasing relish and forgot about those left out on the trail . . .
It was very, very dark, but then the stragglers appeared out of the gloom, and I waited for a reaction. But surprise, surprise there were only fist-pumps and smiles, no angry voices. We demolished the rest of the meat and crisps and swilled the cool beer that always tastes its best after a long, hard run. Piggy conducted the circle in a fun and participative manner that has become his wlcome trademark style – good job GM!
So what lessons did I learn from Pro Byte’s run, appart from the excellent way in which to engage those who may not otherwise wish to partake in a tough, long hash that I have already referred to. Well, it is clear that handled correctly you can get away with just about anything. Us old guys might moan a bit but when the chips are down we can still cope with and thoroughly enjoy a traditional, long, tough male run and still be physically able to eat like pigs and drink beer like thirsty camels. You can almost maim a male hasher (Angry Inch), get someone to fuck it all up (Turkey), wear hashers down to the bone physically (9+k – excleent job Frozen/Tippy), and use all forms of dangerous terraine (death slides – waiste-high shiggy) and still we will come back to the A ready for some beers and fun in the circle. Thanks for the lessons hare, I’ll be sure to use them well on my next male hash trail :-)
Great job all round, Pro Byte, or does Dr Moriarty now hold permanent sway over the mind of the most intelligent Chiang Mai hasher . . . mooo-ha-ha-ha!
Long live the male hash! We don’t need no stinking incontence pants – well not quite yet, anyhow!

24th November – CH4 – Taste My Buns

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TMB teamed up with Foxy at the arse end of the universe 11+km south on canal road. Ack… even driving from the university was tedious. Finally I got there, and got ready for whatever was in store. After the harebrief we ran around 50m to the first check… and while I say ran, really I mean walk. There wasn’t much effort going on… and at the check there wasn’t much effort either. Brownie went left, and then right… I went through the barbed wire but didn’t put much effort in. KO picked the correct trail, but hadn’t worked out what pink paper looked like, so it was a long time before Brownie found it and we were finally off.

Second check, another circle, and Brownie immediately thought it was back to the left – he’s scouted the shit out of the area, so I’ll take the hint. I went down the trail 100m or so, and it looked promising, but no sign of pink paper. I stopped and started scanning the forest to my right, trying to see anything pink, but nothing, and no call from anywhere else… Where could it be? I stood there 2-3 minutes, before turning around and realising I was stood next to the paper. ONON and we were off again, and I promptly got the next V check wrong, so the pack was back together. Onto the decent running trails, gently undulating, and the pace was reasonable. I pushed along until I hit a False Trail…. Huh? No word about them in the harebrief??? This was a tough one… Around 150m or so back to the main trail, and then 100m along the trail before anyone found it. I was already back at the false trail double checking I hadn’t made a mistake when the call was made.

Another false trail, and the pack was being kept together on tight trails. Graven and I hopped over a ridge while the pack checked a circle check 100m to our left. The gamble paid off and we joined ABB who found the paper heading straight on. Another check, and trails all over the place, with Angry picking a nice looking trail up to the right. Graven called it quickly and we had taken a left turn. I was convinced this trail was turning right…. And I couldn’t be more wrong. There was no check as the trail headed into a gully to the right. But then a circle in the gully. We had to be turning right somewhere, but it was kinda steep to the right. Graven, Angry and I carried on, none of us willing to look at the trail up to the left. In the end I went back to the circle and tried going back on trail to find a way to penetrate the hill on the right. I couldn’t believe it when the OnCall came from up to the left… WTF? Am I seriously this disoriented?


I had heard the hares say how they could avoid the hill, and this was clearly “the” hill, so I figured going straight down the gully, led you to an easier way around to the right, and I very nearly took it, and had I done so would never have been seen again! Instead I pushed up the hill, and was shocked when people were checking to the left. The devious hares had taken us into a gully, up a steep hill, only to come back down it just metres from where the trail had gone into the gully. Seriously? Was there ever a good reason to climb a fooking hill??? Do we look like we need the extra exercise on hill repeats? From here there were no checks for a LONG long way… Somehow I was chasing Angry Inch with Brownie and Graven on my ass, which meant a solid sprint until I had to let them pass. So we could get to utter confusion. Trail ran out, was there a check? What was going on? Even after seeing the maps and talking about it to everyone I have no idea. I didn’t see a check, and it took a while to get back on paper.

Finally I recognised the trails again, and had an idea where we were going, but by now Brownie had a nose for home, and he was taking everyone with him. I got to a circle check about 8th, but everyone ahead had gone the same way. This descended into a farce where I was just about the only one bothering to check another direction. Piggy gave up his “no running” philosophy and charged off with Brownie. Graven did his best to keep up, but had to check the wrong way at a V, and then I got the last circle wrong at the end – a circle that surely would have already been kicked out given the calibre of the athletes ahead of me?

A long circle, and not enough beer – the hares went to a great effort to set a really good run – a long run, >8km including checking, with some really clever, tough checks…. and then we run out of beer?

20th October – CH4 – Alice

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Alice is always the hare these days! But at least he is liking “my area” in Doi Saket… Except, his focus is on the other side of the canal to where I normally go. And despite teasing us today, he stuck with the area he has been scouting. A big turnout today, with 2 songthaews! With visitors and the returning Graven, we were a big pack to set off.

The first check was a no brainer – I’d seen the paper on the drive in, so I told CW not to bother with the alternative and ran off to confirm the On call. Then to the canal, and I was right again, convinced we were heading to the bridge. I didn’t spot it straight away as I was the wrong side of the road, but locked in and headed to the bridge I often use. A circle check on the exact same tree that I have stapled circle checks before. I was at home, and guessed through the abandoned moobaan. I know exactly where to place the 100m paper, and today there was no paper there. I checked a bit further, but nothing. I headed back to the circle and was even pondering going back over the canal when there was a call… We all stormed off only to find a confused Sex Pistol and Blows Herself… Apparently SP had called over to BH “was that an ONON?”

Poo found it from a goat trail back across the canal, and nicely regrouped we trudged down narrow shiggy trails for a bit. It was actually a neat connection – one that I should have used a few months ago, but last time I set there it was pissing it down, and I simply couldn’t be arsed to explore enough. Alice found a much nicer little trail, and there were plenty more options here – saved for the future! I got stuck in the pack for a bit, making little progress until we turned left, and the shape of the trail was coming clearer. Back to trails that I knew, and Angry Inch was charging along ahead, shortcutting to get there, but ahead… for now….

We ran past a soi, and my attention was alerted, not just because it went in the right direction, but also I thought I could see something white in the distance… Sure enough there was a circle check around the corner. I turned back and ambled up the soi, checking idly, while CW also clued in and joined me. Once we were duly convinced, we took off and found a V. I went left, he went right, and after a while I heard a muffled check back. The last few checks were going home checks and I managed to stay clear of the chasers and got to the hares final treat! A sick, filthy infested water crossing. I pondered for a nanosecond and then took the plunge. I hope I am still alive tomorrow as there was some filth festering at the bottom of that. When I saw the OnIn I couldn’t help but wait to see CW’s reaction as he arrived with Piggy.

Nice run – particularly liked Angry Inch finding the wrong canal and taking the long way home!

1st October – CSH3 – ABB & Angry Inch

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Maejo again – fantastic! We gathered near the Tiger’s Head, ready to see what ABB had in store. We set off, with Turkish energetically leading the way, and then trailing off a bit. I got to the first V check, and it was a complete 50/50 choice – I gambled left, and the trail continued, while TMB must have hit a check back – I heard Piggy calling OnOn in my direction, so kept on. Next up a circle… The cause of huge confusion!

The check wasn’t at a junction – just in a waterbed gully. So I continued straight, while behind Chuckie and Turkey lingered by the check – there had been a trail off to the right about 50m before the check, but they didn’t seem keen to go back. I spotted a strip of paper ahead of me, but it “didn’t seem right”… Normally after a check the paper is hidden to some extent on the side of a tree, so you need to go 100m before you find it – this seemed to find the most obvious tree and make it stand out. I didn’t call, but went over to investigate. Obscene, running up behind had no fear and he squealed ONON from 40m away, pulling the pack towards me. The strip of paper was at a mainer trail and I saw paper to the left, heading down the hill, until a circle check hidden on the back of a tree. I checked forwards until it was called back up the hill with Piggy tearing in half the very strip of paper I’d seen before to try to indicate we should turn right there. In reality we were completely wrong! Back up the hill, we were running backwards on trail, and found another circle that took forever to figure out.

Poo and I did another loop and got back to the same spot, finally figuring out what we’d done wrong, as we heard Piggy call us on. I ran down to Piggy and he was just stood in the jungle on his own calling “ONON” as loud as he could! Bellowing in the hope of bringing the pack back – a hash hero today! Ahead of him Sex Pistol was the only one who’d figured out what had happened sooner and was blazing a trail. Behind Poo and Turkish at least found their way, while the rest of the pack were somewhat slower rejoining the trail. Lucky the FUCK UP was so early on, that only HRA bailed out and gave up!

There was immense glee in Sex Pistol’s voice when she called ONON off a check, leading the FRBS. We set off to chase her down, and finally when we crossed the road, I hit the front, but the pack was spread out massively. Sex Pistol got caught out by the deadend behind the shelter we used last week, and instead we crossed the weir at the usual place. Piggy nearly catching me, but then reluctantly (heroically?) checking the option to the right. I pressed on, but of course promptly got the next V check wrong. I was still ahead, but Poo was breathing down my neck and when I paused for a moment unsure of whether we were on paper, he pounced and darted ahead. Enjoy it while you can, as shortly after he hit a circle check, but didn’t even see it. When I passed the trail to the right, I suspected another circle was coming, and so promptly ran back and slotted in with CW behind TMB as somehow they had caught up from the early misadventure! This was fun!!!

Another couple of checks and a final V check. TMB picked left – that is the obvious way, it heads towards the Tiger’s Head, so I commented to CW that she was probably right. I do apologise CW, I had her on a 10% chance… I checked straight towards the great trail that cuts over the hill, but bizarrely TMB called “ONON”. WTF?! How can she know? CW was confused but took off after her, while Turkish paused as well. I called “Checking” around the corner, over the gully and to the OnIn.

What an interesting run!!! The trails were 100% great! It was a great route, all on great running / hashing trails. I have no complaints at all. Checks are supposed to fuck us over, and boy some of these checks fucked us over, and some got fucked over more than overs, and in ways that the hares never imagined… but who cares? Great run, thanks hares!

29th September – CH4 – Alice

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Finally a run in Doi Saket! There are some great trails out here, and I’ve been looking forward to running someone else’s trail for so long. Alice like a master magician threw some misdirection at me last week, which worked – last time I trust him! 😉

Finding the runsite wasn’t straightforward, but we eventually grouped up and got ready for the run – would it start at 4:30? 5? or 5:30? Fortunately the hare seemed to know, and we were sent off at 5. Obscene skipping eagerly ahead at the beginning. I got a couple of checks right, particularly a hidden V check and a clear false trail, so I was way ahead, only to get royally screwed over when the hare decided not to cross the canal and head towards the Chinese Cemetery. Wow! My dream of the perfect hash was blown up, and I was playing catch up.

Today’s checks were clearly the work of a masterful hare, with pretty much all of them working to rotate the lead, and keep the pack together. There are better trails, but in terms of haring, and devious checks, it was spot on. I got back to the front a the smaller canal, when HRA spotted paper from the wrong side and had to come back. Another check at another bridge and then some confusing OnOn calls. I could have been right, but ended up so wrong after Toe Sucker confidently called on following HRA. I was wrong, badly wrong and met up with Angry Inch, who was also very wrong – we heard no On-Call, so Angry announced he would set off in a rough general direction. I was tempted, and chose another direction for a bit, before deciding to go back and be honest – amazing the “Strava effect”.


Back on trail, frustrating!!! I was so close to getting it first time, and now I was a long way back. Sometimes this scenario is game over, but even though we were heading towards home, the checks gave more opportunities to get back into the action. Back past the Chinese Cemetery, and everyone’s compass was pointing towards home. A nicer trail to the right lured several hashers and I caught up Piggy as he checked along the road to the left. A bit of shiggy, with a lazy water buffalo – makes you wonder – we do all this exercise, he wallows in mud, I was almost tempted to join him. Piggy got caught up on a nasty sticker scramble, to a circle. And a group formed again.

I smiled to myself! Everyone was going to the right, which was surely towards home, but surely now my home field advantage would finally pay off?! I went left, around the corner and sure enough there was paper! I was home free surely – not far to go now! The nice trail went off the road to the right, but there was no paper on it… Paper at the corner, but I was filled with a sense of doom as I headed towards it. I didn’t want to follow the road to the left, and when I found the FT there was no surprise. Damnit, damnit, damnit! Good job hare, you gotta love it when half the pack passes you so close to home. Chuckie got ahead, but he also got foiled by a V check almost at the death. In a scandalous break of tradition TMB gave Piggy the male wings and he gave himself the female wings too…. Ohohhh.. Really?!

17th Sept – CSH3 – TMB & Alice

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A long drive down to canal road, and gradually the sunset as I drove, for today was a full moon run. I arrived to confusion as someone decided to move the runsite, apparently scared of the full moon ghosts? We were set off at 7, torches in hand, and the paper was actually really easy to follow. At the first check, I eventually got it right, with Frozen spotting it in the distance before I did. I started putting a collection of checks together and put a bit of a spurt on the build up a lead – things were going well, until suddenly it hit me, I’m on my own… in the dark… This grass is really deep… “Snake!?” “Shit!”

Much of the trail was familiar, and yet so different at night. I got out to a mainer trail, and picked left. Yup, there was paper, but absolute silence behind me. The next junction had to be right, and sure enough paper again… This was going like a dream! I kept pushing and another circle. Based on what I’d picked up from the hares, I was sure at this point it was going to be clockwise, and we had to break to the right. Confidently I checked to the right… Nada… How about up this little trail? Nada, another one? Nada… So I got back to the circle, just as Toe Sucker arrived. So it was left – I guess left a bit more and then around further to the right?

I was still wrong and now Toe Sucker called on. I sped past her, wanting to continue my dream run, and of course turned right at the next check. I ran up the hill, but found nothing… I stood at the junction at the top in bemused confusion. Damnit!!! Finally there was a call from the left…. – Seriously this was going to be anti-clockwise afterall?!? I sprinted down the hill, angry at myself, and now deep into the middle of the pack, gradually picking off ABB, a visitor from the states and Cuckold. Another check and I arrived just as HRA called again from the left. OK, I can chase that old guy down!!! Angry Inch was running with me, but I upped the tempo and gradually opened up a gap on him, closing down on HRA, until from just ahead of me I heard “False Trail!”…. AAAAARGH!!!!!! We turned back and almost immediately there was the On call from Chuckie.

Excellent checks there, killed the racism in me perfectly! From somewhere Mr. Poo broke free, and apart from Turkish (who short cut massively), the blind man lead the pack out of the darkness to the beer! Excellent run – well thought out, using the right kind of trails for the conditions – I really enjoyed it, and running without the heat of the sun was really pleasant. From there the evening dragged on and on… A long gap after the run with food in the dark, before a long circle. I think I will struggle to stand up tomorrow, but because of standing through the circle rather than exertion on the run.