Tag Archives: Superbitch

14th Jan – CSH3 – Foxy & TMB

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It seems like every week is a ‘special’ run, with hares putting extra efforts in as the hash goes from strength to strength! We had the Xmas Eve run, the New Years Eve run, the Ball Breaker, and now a barbecue run at Foxy’s new place, with special contributions from 3 1/2 Inch, Anti Virus and Turkish Delight. The event drew out from the wordwork the likes of Bone Hur (& Bone Idol) amongst the throng of regulars and visitors! Numbers seemed reasonable when we set off on the run, but clearly quite a few extras didn’t realise just how (ffing) far down Hang Dong road it was, and just how many traffic lights we had to get through – the likes of Super family, Cool Balls & family, and the Shagless wedding party arriving late.

Those that were ready set off immediately to a circle check in the middle of Foxy’s compound. Finally Turkish found the trail after we had broken through a fence and escaped – he found trail, but waited a while before letting anyone else know, and it took the rest of us a while longer to figure out how to get to where he was calling from. We followed after Turkish and got to another circle. Turkish had gone 100m or so to the right, Brownie was reluctantly checking ahead, and while another couple milled around the check, I begrudgingly checked to the left – towards the Hang Dong road… It was a 0%’er, but someone had to do it. I got a full 100 paces, slowly, before that Tvrkish fvcking cvnt called. Tw@t c0ck tvrd d!ck cvnt. We saw him in the distance as we ran across a field to another circle. Again I got it wrong and checked right. I suspect Turkish had had time to check that way already, but others caught him as the call came – I didn’t see him again until he was sat back at the runsite. SCB.

Obscene led for a while, and suddenly we hit a very familiar trail – yes, Shagless had set here. A false trail to the right brought the pack together and then it was HRA and I checking forwards on the road. It was quite a way, but finally we found powder. The next circle was tucked around the corner. Brownie and Scooby carried along the road, and then pointed left and cut across. I went around the corner and saw them on a parallel road pointing at a tree. They said they had paper, but seemed confused about what to do. Apparently the BB screw up has given them mental scars and they were fearful of calling. Coming from the correct direction it made pretty good sense, the paper hidden on the back of the tree, and I set off. Brownie followed while Scooby continued confusing the pack behind us – arriving at the next check with only Brownie and Bob was a bit weird, but we all managed to check in completely the wrong places, twice, and now I was way behind again. Damn, I was getting everything wrong.

The trails were familiar, and I spent some time slowly moving towards the front, at one point the trail suddenly turned right, and I called Poo & Scooby back after they’d carried on forwards – well I called Poo back, and then spent a minute trying to remember what to call Scooby. Whatever, it worked, and we rejoined the front as they came back from a false trail. There was an obvious alternative, but I wasn’t placed in the right place to check it, so rather than just milling around I went left, and again was left behind. I was getting tired, and seemed to be constantly playing catch up, only to get it wrong when I did catch up.

Lizard Gizzard was ahead, but his advantage was negated by the pack recognising where we were and most not bothering to run around an extra loop. The pace had been quick – sub 7min per km, and I was starting to feel the pain. I dropped back a bit and watched the FRBs play the game. We could see Big C and I knew we weren’t far from home. We turned into a Moobaan, and there was a check that caught out most of the FRBs, and suddenly I was near the front with Graven and the Lizard. The Lizard missed trail for a moment and I was chasing Graven down – surely we would be home v. soon?? Trail turned abruptly left and suddenly the ground was spongy, moist and uneven. I walked taking care of my footing, while the rest of the pack charged past me. Half of them promptly sank waist deep into a nasty trap set my the hares! I remembered another run by Shagless when the same thing happened at the same point, but I can’t quite remember who it was that sank. We emerged back to the rice paddies, and Angry and I checked to the left along the edge of the fields, trying to avoid damaging them. Around 100m from the check, at the edge of the field, I spied Superman and Superbitch scuttling along the other side of a small creek – they were ON, so AI & I hopped over the creek and trudged in. Mostly a good running trail, but it really shows how long it takes to recover from a Ball Breaker like last week…

10th Dec – CSH3 – Superman & Superbitch

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The Sups family teamed up for an adventure behind the Night Safari. With more than 2,000 runs between them, and in their own backyard – we could surely expect a hashing treasure?!

The hare brief didn’t sound overly confident – something about being chased by the police or army or something? Hmmm… We set off and Just Cuming & Sheep Shagger ran off up the hill… WTF? Up the hill? Even Brownie felt he had to run to stay ahead, while Poo and I trudged up with Jingly Titties wondering what had happened to the world. A KM or so without checks, and a gruelling KM up up UP! Finally we broke left and had a fun, fast run back down the hill. Brownie leading until he got a check wrong and finally we got to the bottom just behind Tasty, and another circle check. This circle would fox us for a LONG, long time… There was simply no trail off it. We searched left, we searched right, we hacked around in shiggy, and nothing…. I had pretty much given up and decided to head around the road, and poked around here or there, while the rest of the pack also hunted for paper. A group of us got together, and finally we found another circle check – around 500m along the road from the previous circle. It was clear the trail had been tampered with…


All the hashers seemed happy to have found trail again, while I was thinking a beer might be nice. Sure enough I got that check wrong, and Graven was the first to lead us up a scramble where Brownie was really struggling to get his footing. We followed paper into the jungle and then no more paper. No check… No paper… Nothing… Nada… We all spread out, and again, we were foxed for some time. This time it was as though the hare had forgotten to put the check there, or somehow hidden it so cleverly that nobody found it. Poo called from the right, but by then I was on the next hill, poking around. I continued, and ended up in a overgrown mess, with calls coming from all around. I hacked my way through shitty shiggy, and finally came to somekind of a trail, and immediately a circle. Perfect, pristine, untouched! I just didn’t know where the circle fitted into the run, and certainly wasn’t in any place to call… I checked to the left a bit, nothing, back and up the hill, and I heard Brownie and Graven approaching from the right just before I found the paper… OnOn! That worked out nicely!

At the next check Brownie and Graven were closing me down – I didn’t dare look back, but it did sound like they were skipping and holding hands, and when I checked straight they were definitely following me. It was a narrow trail, so I pondered how they were holding hands AND moving so quickly! Another circle and I took off to the right while they went straight on the main trail… Come on boys, I’d just heard you talking about how you would get off the main trail if you were the hare, but then again, I guess you needed the wider trail to check together? 😛

I found paper, and headed on some serious zigzag chicanes down to the ‘cut through’ with Tasty not far behind. We zigged left, we zagged right, we zigged left again, and at the cut through I was running along hoping to stay ahead of Tasty, when BAM! no more paper… Again… A feeble voice from up ahead and pretty randomly there was Sloppy Rod! Where had he appeared from? Was he doing the run, or just jogging around randomly… He wasn’t on paper, and nor were we. I decided I was thirsty enough to give up on this and headed back, drawing a few of the hashers with me to the safe route up the road to the beer. It would have been a great trail with a few more checks, and without someone sabotaging it!

2nd July – CSH3 – HRA

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There are a few hares in history who are well remembered for losing hashers on trail… for hashers coming in in the dark as the circle ended… We don’t need to name names, but some of us have feared for our lives being left on trail in the dark. HRA is the latest to join that distinct haring club!

There was rain all day, it was miserable… As beer monster I had a duty to deliver beer to the medium sized group that braced the elements. HRA was nervous – something in his demeanour was even more concerned than usual – we even saw him several times out on trail, when any normal hare would have been snuggled in the shelter with a beer. The hare brief wasn’t brief – multiple Wimp trails… unmarked but for an arrow (an arrow that could have said “Save yourselves!!!”). When he finally pointed out the direction, even then it took us a while to find trail. Finally Obscene and I could call and set off away from the hills to a junction where surely there should have been a check, and perhaps pre rain there might have been, but there definitely wasn’t anymore. We found trail and continued into shiggy covered rice fields.

The side effect of rain is mud, and this was heavy going. The soles of everyone’s shoes gained 3 inches. Slogging along on the flat trails away from the mountains, we headed into shanty town. It had grown a lot since the last time we ran through (the AGFU)… Ah yes the AGFU, when we ran many of the same trails, when they were dry, and didn’t involve slip sliding around. We got to what looks like a wet moobaan development, and a circle had the pack spread out to the left. To the right I saw the hare, and headed towards him and trail. While most of the pack followed, Turkish short cut his way to the lead, and took advantage of the torrential rain to not bother calling. It was a clusterfuck. I couldn’t see without my glasses, hardly anyone could hear even if we were calling, and the paper to mark the trail was soggy anyway. What the fuck are we doing?

Of course it wouldn’t take long before Turkey fucked up. But then there was a check that fucked everyone up. Mostly as it was in a moobaan and the rain was so loud nobody could hear anything. HRA was on his bike like a sheep dog rounding us up and shepherding us in the right direction. Having lost ground there I took some time to catch up with Pigshit (who was “walking” today – wtf?), Shagless, ABB, Toe Sucker, Sex Pistol, Obscene… A bit of a meander and finally Sloppy was in sight, leading the way, and enjoying having first choice at a check on the road that surely took us home. He slow danced his way towards the A, insisting that I checked the “dummy run”… Well Fuck You Sloppy! You got it wrong!

We turned away from the A and headed for the hills… 5-6km in and now we were hitting the hills? What was HRA thinking? I second guessed a False Trail, and led the way up the hill. From there many checks were straight on back towards the A. For a while CW was getting 2nd choice on the checks, but refusing to see an alternative way… Finally he caught up, and when he picked it, he was off and home sailing all the way down and home. A LONG 9km run. The circle was mostly missing the hare, who was riding his bike around looking for hashers, and Sups, who was driving his car in search of Superbitch (what a husband!). Finally as the circle closed Superbitch, Anything and Bubble Head came in – at least Bubble Head had a smile on his face. I guess he was smiling that HRA just joined his Dad’s club!

26th August – CH3 – Superman

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What did Sups have in store for us 11km south on canal road? He showed up early and drove straight past the runsite to ‘check’ on his paper after a storm had past through… He seemed satisfied that the first bit of paper might be there still, so it’d be good enough… Then the excuses started – mostly to do with him and Superbitch getting stuck out in a storm and only just finishing on time.

We set off and had a long trek along a track / road to the old burning place – several trails heading off to the right, and surely we were going to take one of them? No checks, but we were kept together as we tried to decipher what was left of the paper that had been washed off the leaves. Eventually I spotted trail heading off to the right, and left the newbie visitor to run down the road to the inevitable false trail. Meanwhile I ran into the next false trail and we were back together as the trail mysteriously disappeared around a temple. An impromptu circle check and finally Humps found trail heading into the woods.

Suckit joined us at the front as we broke out into ‘his terrain’, and with him knowing every blade of grass he was soon bounding ahead. Again few checks, and when we had checks we just filed forwards till we got to paper. At one point we seemed to be on newspaper, so perhaps we’d short cut?

Finally at the last check, I thought Sups might have a bit more up his sleeve, he might throw in one twist at the death? Nope – the rains must have washed out all imagination and we rounded the corner back to the A.

8th June – CSH3 – Superbitch

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With nearly 2000 combined runs, the Super family would surely put together a memorable run? About 4km towards Sameong, the A bucket was by a serene lake overlooked by a Buddhist meditation retreat. Big Top, HRA and Bendover had all set from around here, and normally it involved the steep hills nearby. Uhoh.

We set off across the quarry, straight in the direction of the hills. Just as we were about to head up the hill we got to a circle check. Rather than heading on up, the hares had abruptly dived down a lethal barb wire coated bank back to a road that took us back down. No hill today?

We cut back across another quarry / excavation site with Gorf leading the way and getting confused by a cross check. We quickly turned back towards the A and had a short loop through the temple and around the lake.

Sups was clearly thirsty as he let the FRBs back within 30 minutes, before the GM had even arrived. Several of the more energetic types went around for a second lap (with the GM), while the rest of us tucked into the beers. A short sweet workout!

1st June – CSH3 – Shagless

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It wasn’t Superbitch, but Shagless, from close to 4km up the Sameong Road. On arrival, no sign of the hash cash, but fortunately it was sorted before the run started and we set off up a little hill, with Push Back setting the early pace. At the first check, I went wrong leaving I Got Gas to lead the way along to an early Wimp Rambo split. The Rambos were treated to an extra loop with an ass slide down into a gully, and a rope climb back out of it. Another check thwarted us for a while before we rejoined the walkers.

Everything had been going ok THIS far… but sadly things got confused with people calling all over the place, whether they were on paper or not! Humperdick and Turkish set off backwards on a little loop and weren’t seen again till the end. At some point all the walkers vanished from ahead of us only to come in behind at the finish. The GM had been behind on the Rambo trail, only to pop up ahead, and the rest of us spent time running round in confused circles. Having got confused by a few bits of washed out old paper, I came off the mountain to the hare, who assured me there was plenty of paper there, because he’d just relaid it!

Still to come were several little bridges made out of all kinds of materials. The steel one, with nothing to hold on to, and the bamboo ones with a rail to hang on to, which would disintegrate if you did. Finally the On-In and back to the circle, where the highlight was Semen Soars and Able Semen singing a well rehearsed duet.

24th Feb – CBH3 – Burrito Butt

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One of the reasons that I don’t often go to the Bunny Hash is that it involves bunnies… on a Sunday. If you need to be somewhere early on a Monday morning – DO NOT GO TO THE BUNNY HASH!!! Fortunately, it’s Macha Bucha Day – that means a public holiday in which almost everything is closed – absolutely perfect for a 2-day drinking binge hangover…and uhh… making merit I suppose. Yes, that’s right – 2 days – because I also went out with the boys on Saturday, but we’re not allowed to talk about them here except for the imagined size of their !@#$s… which I’m sure we did over one of our many drinks (see photo just below).

To start, I had no idea how I was going to get to this run. The new GM Burrito Butt had posted an awkward photograph of a map on the Chiang Mai Bunny Hash Facebook page. A map, without written instructions, detailing 2 different ways to get there…except I wasn’t even sure how to get to where the map began without a tortuous drive through the inner city. SO… what’s a girl to do??? Well, I simply made my way to the Adventure Hotel of course and guessed I would figure it out from there! But, my somewhat photographic memory was failing me completely and a phone call to the hares didn’t seem to help much either because I couldn’t remember anything past Step 2. A full petrol tank later and I finally made it to the run site, but not without a visit to Big C and Doi Inthanon AND before realizing that Cumalot had set a run nearby not that long ago – gee – didn’t seem to have any trouble finding the run site then! Perhaps some signs would help BB?

So, I arrived 15 minutes late – all the bunnies had waited, but I told them to go ahead as I wearily put on my shoes. We started on the road with not one of the bunnies doing any running. Had we all been out late the night before? The hare and her co-hare Foxy Cleopatra were following along on the motorbike taking pictures of us from behind – thanks. After a tired chat with Superbitch, I picked up my walking speed a bit to follow the “On” from a circle check. When I looked back and saw Pushback jogging to catch-up after checking in the wrong direction, I realized that I was in the ‘lead’. How did that happen?

At the next circle check, I decided to go on a little adventure down the fishing soi. Miss Piggy, Doesn’t Get It and some others gathered behind me at the check and made a collective decision that I knew where I was going. Every single one of them followed me without bothering to check the other direction and… OOPS! I was wrong, so back we all went.. at least we got some good photos. The hares’ trail stayed on the road with a few hundred meters of grass and dirt thrown in to help make some connections. The remaining circle checks were fairly obvious after that and we finally made our way to the Jungle Bar where we did shots of beer… not far from Big C.

It was time to head back to the A with a good 30 minutes of trail still left to go. I kept getting the checks correct and the bunnies kept falling further and further behind. So far behind at one point that I found the correct, but tricky, “On” from a circle check and made the decision to go back and kick it out so that the girls would know where they were going. The trail then popped right into the middle of someone’s yard in which we were locked in! The homeowner came and opened the gate – apparently he was expecting us – and we made our way back to Burrito’s house. There were scary dogs, lots of checks and plenty of curious locals, but the best part had to be walking past a baby cow standing dutifully at the entrance of a moobaan style house mooing to get in. Only in Th… countries that allow cows on village streets…. probably more places in the world than most westerners realize.

During the nearly 2 hour long circle, we mixed and double fisted wine and beer, put on an ‘ugly lady’ fashion show, learned that even a dick in the mouth can’t shut some people up and had an all around raging good laugh. BUT, the highlight of the night? Popping in for a ‘cleansing ale’ (or 10) at a restaurant full of 200 people – all of whom couldn’t keep their eyes off of Foxy Cleopatra seduce her chair to the sound of the band…. seriously – 200 people and it seemed that we had taken over the restaurant. I really hope one of my students’ parents wasn’t in that crowd!!! You just never know. Until next month… On-On!

Big Top

19th Jan – CSH3 – Superman

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You would have thought that the highest combined runcounts in Chiang Mai history (Superman & Superbitch) we could have had a good run?! On route to the run most of us missed the right turn off the Sameong road as the sign was on the left – rookie mistake #1.

In the hare brief we were told we would be missing out on the luxuries of ‘modern’ checks like circles, V checks and Skiddy sticks, and today would be just Cross checks… Interesting concept! The problem with cross checks is the different opinions about how to call on them – should we call “OnOn” until we aren’t, or should we call “checking” for ever? The problem is amplified when we get a bunch of visitor virgin FRBs who decide not to call at all. :(

The runsite was about 1km from Sup’s home, cutting the flat part of the run out so we could just deal with the hills – fortunately they are gentle rolling hills with plenty of trail options. Apart from the frustrations of calling, we found our way through and finally hit the inevitable trail by the night safari. I was jogging along with Angry Inch as the true trail headed inland again and we thought better of it – my legs were still feeling the effects of last Sunday, so I jogged back in to get ready for the circle.

17th November – CSH3 – Superbitch

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Superbitch teamed up with Wooly Jumper for the run, and they were looking suitably haggard when we showed up – they were busy picking the grass seeds out of their trousers. An ominous sign. They told me roughly where to start, but with the paper starting around a few corners, we were lucky to find the out trail!

At the first check we passed one of the world’s most mangy dogs, and I was attacked by a few more as I missed where the trail left the road up into the hills. It was a scramble up the shiggy bank to a trail and HRA hit the front. I jogged along with Horny Monkey, Humperdick and Unplugged until we met HRA coming back from a false trail at a cross check. I got lucky at the next check and hit a few checks spot on, going well until HRA caught me at a circle check on the top of a hill.

The trails looked familiar, we were close to where Square Rooter and I set about a month back. HRA sprinted off past me to check to the left, and I reluctantly went to the right – this time I was lucky though, and found the trail through a field and into some more shiggy. It was slow going and I heard Chuckie behind asking how far ahead I was.

Now we were on the trails I knew and getting another circle right I sped ahead rounded a corner and there was the “ON IN”. I was a little confused as I didn’t think we were that close to the A, but we had already done 4.5km or so. I kept plugging away, and then got off paper. Chuckie caught up as I started thinking I’d screwed up, but after 500m or so, we found some paper.

CW was begging me to let him overtake after the On-In, and eventually I let him go. Semen Soars also went past. How far was this??? My GPS said about 2.2km from the On-In back to the beers… It seems the hares hadn’t scouted and had grossly misjudged where they were, and neglected to go back and move the On-In. Shame as that was probably the only downside to a nice run on some great trails!