Tag Archives: Gorf

4th October – CSH3 – Belly Dancer

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Belly teamed with his favourite co-hare for a run near Ob Kham. Not the run site they’ve used before, but just around the corner… After hearing about the brutality of Monday, I guessed it would be a tamer affair, so checked in earlier in the week and was told it was ‘kid-friendly’, and encouraged to let Matty (Terror Byte) & Danny (8-Bit) out on the run for almost the first time.

We set off with my boys setting the early pace, until Brownie and I swept past into some horticultural centre. A couple of checks had the pack stuck together. Then there was a good check that had me way off course to the right, while the trail went up the hill to the left. I followed Stumbling Dyke up the hill as Terror Byte was already fading behind. Another circle check, and everyone milling around. Nobody wanting to check down a steep hill, and most going up. I followed Taste My Buns down, and sure enough we were on.

Definition – “Kid Friendly” – a run that is safe and fun for kids of all ages – in the hope they get motivated to continue hashing in the future!

The trail descended into a treacherous gully, I was sliding down clinging from tree to tree. I don’t think anyone survived without falling. It wasn’t long before I was bleeding from my middle finger. It wasn’t any definition of friendly that I know. Tasty Buns reassured me that it would be easier for the kids – they are closer to the ground right? Damnit… Nowhere I can go anyway – we’re in a single person gully, trying to stop falling more quickly down.

At the bottom Gorf and I hit the road, I went right, he went left. I could hear the screams and wails on the descent, hoping it wasn’t my boys. I was expecting the trail to go to the right, but sadly it went left. It was going to be up a steep mountain – I knew it had to go over the top to get into the valley the other side. We were 30 minutes in, heading up hill away from the A bucket. I turned back to find the kids. Not far back 8-Bit was walking along with Knockout. He was battered, bruised and bleeding, but in high spirits – perhaps because of Knock Out for company? Further back on the trail, there was Matty who’d picked up Snail Trail and Baaabe. There I was worried, and the boys were busy picking up older women?! Excellent Hashing Behaviour!

Probably more of a male hash than a Saturday hash – I can guess the other half of the trail, and in other circumstances it would have been a good one. OnOn.

7th July – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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The GM teamed up with his wife for a run from the football field – since they have a car, Mr. Poo has been adventurously exploring further away from Wat Umong and the Boy Scout Camp. I arrived in timely fashion, scarcely able to collect the money and then chasing to catch up the pack as they already set off. I grabbed some water, but as I later found out, it wasn’t enough…

A couple of good checks early on before we crossed the road and paralleled the hills. Another check left HRA leading the pack up into the hills. A gentle incline that HRA was happy to scamper up, as was Gorf who quickly passed me, and then Piggy who overtook in a much more gentlemanly fashion. A long stretch, up hill with few checks. Fortunately it was a great trail, but the heat was getting to me, coupled with the hill.

Finally at a circle check the trail headed down – but having climbed for a couple of km, we wiped that out in 100m downhill, before starting another ascent – continuous, upwards at a gradient just too steep for me to try running, but seemingly nothing for HRA (the mountain goat), gorf and piggy. I was relegated to running with Turkey and I wasn’t feeling good! At one point Turkey sloped off to the right, only to reappear slightly ahead – sneaky bastard – maybe he’s onto something? I tried sloping off to the right, and despite confusing HRA, I ended up the wrong side of a deep gully.

Check the watch, only about 3km in, and I was spent. Hot, thirsty, knackered… I got to the road and decided to straight line back down the road, managing to get back before passing out. Not sure what went wrong for me, but the heat killed me. The trail was great, but I am way out of shape at the moment…

26th April – CSH3 – Big Top & Mr. Poo Animal Dinner AGMU

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What an epic outstation weekend – I’ve finally made it back, although my head hasn’t quite arrived yet! It began on Friday – I arrived around lunch time and Horny, Poo, HRA and Square Rooter were just heading down the road for a beer. I figured I’d join them, and 4 hours and many beers later we got back to the resort. Saturday was a slow day until run time. Songthaews took us all out to the start – well the Rambo start – the Wimps were taken 3km along the trail and set off moments later.

A good early pace as Gorf replaced Brown Finger as the FRB. We looped around some fields and headed back towards the huge mountain that overlooks Chiang Dao. We got to where the Wimps had been set off from, and for a few km the checks were all kicked out, allowing Gorf to leave us behind. The heat was devastating and running was a struggle. Finally we started wheeling in the DFLs and got to a water stop.

It was pretty much straight on, straight on towards the mountain. Pleasant views running along with Taste My Buns & Horny Monkey. A few tough checks late on and we could see Gorf ahead of us. Amazingly I was FRB for a moment, but the exertions and the heat took their toll and I was down to walking towards Poo who could be seen from about a km before the OnIn. We’d been promised a 6km run, but it was a big fat lie. 8km in deadly heat – time for the AGMU.

Big Top took charge of the circle, and promptly fired her committee, leaving her in sole command for the evening’s Animal Dinner. Back to the resort and the guys grabbed some beers and hit the pool for a couple of hours while the ladies got ready. With thunder and lightning threatening we all descended on the dining room. Excellent food, good music, and a wide array of beverages. It seems not many people had heard of Absinthe, and I ended up having t least 1 too many, along with copious amounts of gin and tonic, on top of the Leos – oh and Beer Lao too. No wonder I feel like shit!

We had to get up by 10:30 for a hangover run. I managed it just. Apparently I was supposed to co-hare it, luckily Pigshit stepped in to help Knock Out. I set off before the hare brief, and took a nap along the road. Horny dragged me to my feet and I managed to get running, behind Cougar & the Germans. Fortunately the run was only 1.1km, and I wasn’t going to do it twice! Circle time, and time for the hare of the dog. Big Top promptly quit and assigned duties to Mr. Poo who announced his new committee. I think I am on it, hopefully he’ll update the list soon!

Excellent job guys – so successful in crippling us that we didn’t even thank the hares properly in the circle for organising a great event.

22nd March – CSH3 – Sunspot

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Sunspot teamed up with Krap Thai, and I was expecting a short leisurely jog. Out past Maerim, there was a sizable group of FRBs turned up to play. With smokey air we were hoping for rain that didn’t come. Turkish led a group for an immediate short cut with Sups & Graven skipping the first couple of checks. Local knowledge I guess told them there was no way through a quarry. Either way we were bunched up with powder hard to find in places.

We crossed a creek a few times, and we started trying to figure out which side of it we were. I was a bit disoriented, and a late circle check on a bridge took an age to find. 4th time lucky, Gorf had missed some powder where he checked first, and with the 2nd blob around a corner 50m further on, it was no wonder we didn’t pick it up quicker. I led the way back into the rice fields, towards the aqueduct… I still wasn’t sure which side of it we should be, so when I had a circle check, I was too slow to go and check. Sure enough the trail took us over the 700m or so. A narrow path with water rushing one side and a steep cliff the other. Yes, there was a rail, but I opted out and picked my way through the paddy to scramble back in.

I wasn’t expecting 7.5km, but it was good one.

15th June – CSH3 – Semen Sores

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What can I say about Semen Soars’ run?? Well, I spent a lot of time running around fairly close to where the run was, but didn’t really get to see much of it! I was off trail before we even found the first paper, and it didn’t get much better – completely the wrong direction at the first couple of checks, but then it was the 3rd check that foxed me.

One piece of paper was found, and then more paper on the other side of the canal, but well over 100 metres away. That must be the In trail, and the pack took off on it. I was convinced they’d got it wrong and were going the wrong way around. The right thing to do was to find the real trail – no matter how long it took! I persisted, determined there would be paper somewhere out in the rice paddies. I finally found some trail and set off only to find that I was the one doing it wrong when the trail ran out and I spent some time looking for a circle check. Damn! What to do? I set off backwards on the trail, and again had troubles when the trail had been cleared next to a road.

Finally I met Chuckie coming the other way being chased by Gorf and Skiddy, so I decided to jog on in for a beer. What an idiot!

8th June – CSH3 – Superbitch

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With nearly 2000 combined runs, the Super family would surely put together a memorable run? About 4km towards Sameong, the A bucket was by a serene lake overlooked by a Buddhist meditation retreat. Big Top, HRA and Bendover had all set from around here, and normally it involved the steep hills nearby. Uhoh.

We set off across the quarry, straight in the direction of the hills. Just as we were about to head up the hill we got to a circle check. Rather than heading on up, the hares had abruptly dived down a lethal barb wire coated bank back to a road that took us back down. No hill today?

We cut back across another quarry / excavation site with Gorf leading the way and getting confused by a cross check. We quickly turned back towards the A and had a short loop through the temple and around the lake.

Sups was clearly thirsty as he let the FRBs back within 30 minutes, before the GM had even arrived. Several of the more energetic types went around for a second lap (with the GM), while the rest of us tucked into the beers. A short sweet workout!

Sunday 17th Feb – CH4 – Semen Sores

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It was out to Semen’s favourite run site, and as usual people got lost.. This time I feel a little sorry for the hare as he’d built a mountain of signs and there were signs at virtually every junction – I blame the lazy Mr. Poo for fucking off on honeymoon and not getting the directions out in the sms, or perhaps the lazy HRA for not bothering with emails this week. Whatever the run was delayed and we all got there.

SS planned a live hare with assistance from his son – you should have seen his face when I told him Gorf was coming down from Chiang Rai for the run!!! He almost set off to set the run straight away, but instead adjusted his headstart from 5 to 6 minutes. Finally he set off up the temple steps and we (apart from Frozen Dick) waited dutifully for 6 minutes before setting off. At the first circle I found one thread of paper inadvertently dropped a few yards to the left, and we were off at a good pace determined to catch the bastard.

Gorf, Chuckie and I jogged along and took turns in peeling off on the wrong trail until we got to the first “Graven” Check. Wow – SS must love GI, he picked him out for special attention! Fortunately GI was right up there with us and we continued out into the rice fields with Angry Inch tagging along – the little guy was determined not to do any checking, preferring to play a game of “follow the leader”. Even he decided not to short cut though as there wouldn’t be paper there yet to cut across to.

I like the concept of live hares, and the pace was quick – we didn’t know he’d planned an 8 km monster! We looped around and crossed the canal, only to come back across at the next bridge and head into the rice fields. It isn’t the right time of year to be on the rice walls – is there a good time? One farmer was justifiably annoyed, particularly when None of Your Business decided to straight line it destroying his crops. I pottered along trying not to do much damage, and then lucked out when the trail did a big zig zag. We got back onto the out trail, and a tired (blistered) Chucky came alongside and we walked in together putting the world to rights!

10th Feb – CH4 – Skid Mark

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Time for the big day, and the hash wedding event of the year. The bride and groom were dressed up with Just Married T-shirts dangling cans behind them – nice touch! Eventually, once Skiddy had had a shower, we bundled into the 2 songthaews and set off to the A, a couple of km away from the resort. When the songthaew failed to make it up the hill we jumped out and ran off in the way Skiddy was pointing – “Just follow the road till you see paper”…

Obediently Chucky and I ran on following the road, and didn’t see any paper. Sadly I didn’t switch the GPS on until we’d been going for 10 minutes or so. After Gorf had laid down the challenge by running past CW uphill, he took off blazing a trail into the distance. I followed with the rest of the pack getting increasingly reluctant. After around 3km there was still no sign of the trail, and I finally gave up and turned back, to eventually see Skiddy coming to rescue us. He brought Chuckie back and pointed the 2 of us off on a short cut. This time we found paper and amazingly we also came up to the back markers, gradually picking our way through the pack.

The trail was great – gently down hill most of the way and great for running on. Finally I heard the call of “Checking” from up ahead, and we’d managed to rejoin the FRBs – just in time to climb the hill to the resort. The day continued with a brief circle and then some time to recover / get dressed up ready for the hash wedding.

Congrats to Poo & Knockout, wishing you all the best!

13th January – CH3 – Belly Dancer BALLBREAKER!

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Mostly not bad!

Ok, so an epic kind of run like that deserves a bit more of a write up! Mr. Poo suggested that “Mostly Epic” would have been more appropriate! Anyway, I was struggling to shake off my hangover as we drove out to the runsite, at Baan Pong Resort, despite my best intentions to get an early night, somehow I managed to get incredibly drunk which wasn’t the best preparation.

We all knew what to expect as the hares had done a good job of briefing everyone in advance, but amazingly there was still around 20 odd people to squeeze into the Songthaew and a couple of cars. We ominously went around the back of a mountain – past a tempting golf course – to the A site where the hare did his best to talk us out of it before setting us loose. We started with a short loop around a lake and back to the Songthaew, with Graven Image & Suckit not bothering and waiting for us to run back to where we’d already seen some paper on the road.

I hit a couple of checks right until getting the first set off skiddy sticks which I carried back and dutifully placed obviously on the trail for those behind. Around another corner and my watch signaled we were a mile in. My stomach signaled that McDonalds wasn’t the best idea for lunch, and duly forced me to deposit it on the trail. Things weren’t looking good as one by one hashers passed by. Finally the wave passed and I started feeling better and could start moving again. We were running along some lovely trails that I’d not hashed before, until the unmistakable stench of a pigfarm arrived. The sick hares had put a ‘sex check’, meaning we had to wait next to the pigpens with flies buzzing around the stinking piles of pigshit for Big Top to arrive. Ugh! The hares weren’t punished nearly enough for that…

Off running again and Semen Soars and I found trail until we looped around so we could get a good view of the mountains ahead. With a white pagoda visible on top of one of the highest peaks, I thought to myself – I bet it’s that one, but hoped it wouldn’t be… Around the corner the songthaew was waiting for some drinks and refueling. Unplugged, Itchy Bitchy and Knockout came riding up with some men on bikes.

After a short photo op, we set off again with the trail mercilessly climbing into the mountains. Fortunately the trail was good and we could keep on going with sure footing. Suckit was not far behind me and each time he turned a corner I could hear yet another expletive. What checks there were were easy to pick as it was just on up the trail. Gorf leading the way with Lickamick just ahead of me – the pack stretching out back down the hill. I caught up at the ‘sex check’ halfway up the hill. After a discussion we didn’t want our legs to seize up, so we carried on with Suckit and then Graven Image joining us. The climb was relentless – 500m+ elevation gain, although I’m still waiting to get the GPS track off the watch. So this is what we had been warned about – it actually wasn’t so bad – rewarding views at every turn and a good enough trail.

Finally near the top we found the trail going back down, and Mr. Poo presently joined us in time for the ‘ladders’. We’ve hashed on worse descents that that, but adding a ladder for us was a nice touch. The way down was steeper than the way up, and probably more treacherous, picking our way one step at a time. There were stairs in places, but few opportunities to run. Finally we got to a flatter section and there was Greasy waiting with more drinks. We’d survived the mountain – just a few more km back to the resort…

I didn’t want to cramp up so kept going, hitting a few checks right before finding Gorf in front of me. He had a nasty habit of taking the paper with him from the checks and dropping it when he found trail, so it didn’t help anyone following behind and there was nothing left for me to mark the trail with. Soon he stopped calling and disappeared into the distance as Ho came up behind me. HRA was with him – I’d not seen him since before the hill, along with Graven, Lickamick and Suckit. We settled into a pleasant pace where we could keep moving and bitch about the FRB at the same time.

Finally we came to the lake, worked our way around it to find Belly Dancer waiting at the last drinks stop. One more to go and the resort was just there, just down the dam. He sent us off across the dam to an arrow pointing back along the otherside of the lake. That didn’t seem like a good idea, and we were further confused by a switch to pink strips marking the trail. Thanks for mentioning that in the harebrief! We made our way along the lake until the trail climbed up into the hills, where a single skiddy stick was found… WTF??? Where were the other two? Where the f*ck was Gorf? Back down to the lake and another 100m around the lake finally Suckit found the paper and the other two skiddy sticks. WTF? We were ready to kill someone – I can kind of get what Red Carpet and Dick Tracy complain about skiddy sticks if the FRBs don’t play the game. What on earth had he been thinking to place them there

We eventually went into the hills – it was unavoidable. While the first mountain was long and high, at least it was on trail – this part had ‘Anything’ written all over it, as we just scrambled across rocks on steep mountain sides. This bit was much worse than the first hill, with tired legs struggling to get a grip I’m surprised someone didn’t seriously hurt themselves. Determination just drove us onwards – it must be over soon. Finally we got onto the trail in the gully the other side, and we were back on familiar ground.

I jogged along and Ho joined me. The trail took a sharp left turn which was a bit of a surprise – after another 150m or so we found a single skiddy stick behind a tree which by now wasn’t a surprise at all. Back to the junction and there was Gorf carrying the other 2. Rather than maiming him with the last remaining stick, we ran off… We didn’t really find trail, but we found a few bits of paper that had come of the skiddy sticks while Gorf was looking, so I followed that in the direction of the resort and safety.

Everyone survived, with quite a few taking the shorter route back on the last leg. We sat freezing in the circle taking turns to limp towards the ice when called in. Maybe because we were tired, or probably because it did, but the circle seemed to go on forever and ever… We were hungry, cold and exhausted. It wasn’t that it was a bad circle – just a long one – there were plenty of funny moments dispersed throughout, but we could all feel the food waiting for us up just one more flight of stairs (another sick twist by the hares to choose an upstairs restaurant!)

Overall verdict, ‘mostly not bad’! Actually 3 great legs, with one final ‘Fuck You’ from the hares at the end.

OnON