Tag Archives: Red Carpet

13th January – CH3 – Belly Dancer BALLBREAKER!

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Rating: 8.7/10 (6 votes cast)

Mostly not bad!

Ok, so an epic kind of run like that deserves a bit more of a write up! Mr. Poo suggested that “Mostly Epic” would have been more appropriate! Anyway, I was struggling to shake off my hangover as we drove out to the runsite, at Baan Pong Resort, despite my best intentions to get an early night, somehow I managed to get incredibly drunk which wasn’t the best preparation.

We all knew what to expect as the hares had done a good job of briefing everyone in advance, but amazingly there was still around 20 odd people to squeeze into the Songthaew and a couple of cars. We ominously went around the back of a mountain – past a tempting golf course – to the A site where the hare did his best to talk us out of it before setting us loose. We started with a short loop around a lake and back to the Songthaew, with Graven Image & Suckit not bothering and waiting for us to run back to where we’d already seen some paper on the road.

I hit a couple of checks right until getting the first set off skiddy sticks which I carried back and dutifully placed obviously on the trail for those behind. Around another corner and my watch signaled we were a mile in. My stomach signaled that McDonalds wasn’t the best idea for lunch, and duly forced me to deposit it on the trail. Things weren’t looking good as one by one hashers passed by. Finally the wave passed and I started feeling better and could start moving again. We were running along some lovely trails that I’d not hashed before, until the unmistakable stench of a pigfarm arrived. The sick hares had put a ‘sex check’, meaning we had to wait next to the pigpens with flies buzzing around the stinking piles of pigshit for Big Top to arrive. Ugh! The hares weren’t punished nearly enough for that…

Off running again and Semen Soars and I found trail until we looped around so we could get a good view of the mountains ahead. With a white pagoda visible on top of one of the highest peaks, I thought to myself – I bet it’s that one, but hoped it wouldn’t be… Around the corner the songthaew was waiting for some drinks and refueling. Unplugged, Itchy Bitchy and Knockout came riding up with some men on bikes.

After a short photo op, we set off again with the trail mercilessly climbing into the mountains. Fortunately the trail was good and we could keep on going with sure footing. Suckit was not far behind me and each time he turned a corner I could hear yet another expletive. What checks there were were easy to pick as it was just on up the trail. Gorf leading the way with Lickamick just ahead of me – the pack stretching out back down the hill. I caught up at the ‘sex check’ halfway up the hill. After a discussion we didn’t want our legs to seize up, so we carried on with Suckit and then Graven Image joining us. The climb was relentless – 500m+ elevation gain, although I’m still waiting to get the GPS track off the watch. So this is what we had been warned about – it actually wasn’t so bad – rewarding views at every turn and a good enough trail.

Finally near the top we found the trail going back down, and Mr. Poo presently joined us in time for the ‘ladders’. We’ve hashed on worse descents that that, but adding a ladder for us was a nice touch. The way down was steeper than the way up, and probably more treacherous, picking our way one step at a time. There were stairs in places, but few opportunities to run. Finally we got to a flatter section and there was Greasy waiting with more drinks. We’d survived the mountain – just a few more km back to the resort…

I didn’t want to cramp up so kept going, hitting a few checks right before finding Gorf in front of me. He had a nasty habit of taking the paper with him from the checks and dropping it when he found trail, so it didn’t help anyone following behind and there was nothing left for me to mark the trail with. Soon he stopped calling and disappeared into the distance as Ho came up behind me. HRA was with him – I’d not seen him since before the hill, along with Graven, Lickamick and Suckit. We settled into a pleasant pace where we could keep moving and bitch about the FRB at the same time.

Finally we came to the lake, worked our way around it to find Belly Dancer waiting at the last drinks stop. One more to go and the resort was just there, just down the dam. He sent us off across the dam to an arrow pointing back along the otherside of the lake. That didn’t seem like a good idea, and we were further confused by a switch to pink strips marking the trail. Thanks for mentioning that in the harebrief! We made our way along the lake until the trail climbed up into the hills, where a single skiddy stick was found… WTF??? Where were the other two? Where the f*ck was Gorf? Back down to the lake and another 100m around the lake finally Suckit found the paper and the other two skiddy sticks. WTF? We were ready to kill someone – I can kind of get what Red Carpet and Dick Tracy complain about skiddy sticks if the FRBs don’t play the game. What on earth had he been thinking to place them there

We eventually went into the hills – it was unavoidable. While the first mountain was long and high, at least it was on trail – this part had ‘Anything’ written all over it, as we just scrambled across rocks on steep mountain sides. This bit was much worse than the first hill, with tired legs struggling to get a grip I’m surprised someone didn’t seriously hurt themselves. Determination just drove us onwards – it must be over soon. Finally we got onto the trail in the gully the other side, and we were back on familiar ground.

I jogged along and Ho joined me. The trail took a sharp left turn which was a bit of a surprise – after another 150m or so we found a single skiddy stick behind a tree which by now wasn’t a surprise at all. Back to the junction and there was Gorf carrying the other 2. Rather than maiming him with the last remaining stick, we ran off… We didn’t really find trail, but we found a few bits of paper that had come of the skiddy sticks while Gorf was looking, so I followed that in the direction of the resort and safety.

Everyone survived, with quite a few taking the shorter route back on the last leg. We sat freezing in the circle taking turns to limp towards the ice when called in. Maybe because we were tired, or probably because it did, but the circle seemed to go on forever and ever… We were hungry, cold and exhausted. It wasn’t that it was a bad circle – just a long one – there were plenty of funny moments dispersed throughout, but we could all feel the food waiting for us up just one more flight of stairs (another sick twist by the hares to choose an upstairs restaurant!)

Overall verdict, ‘mostly not bad’! Actually 3 great legs, with one final ‘Fuck You’ from the hares at the end.

OnON

6th January – CH4 – Can’t Stop Cumming / Cock Climber

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Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast)

I got up around 7 this morning to finish setting the fucked up hangover run, promptly vomiting from sun sickness. With sleep deprivation and a long(ish) drive back from Mae Moh, I rated my chances of making the run as slim – HRA had written them off! After an afternoon nap, I felt slightly recharged and persuaded Unplugged that we should go along. I was looking forward to it, as I was curious what the two virgin hares would put on for us – I feared a testing challenge, but you never know…

Before the run they had invented some new checks – some kind of Menage a Trois check – which looked like a small cock. The hare brief was comprehensive, with details given about how far to important checks, and ominously the hares encouraging us to give up part way through and come back… UhOh…

We set off in the direction we were pointed, only to come back and go down a ramp to the quarry and back up the other side. My legs were already aching! We went through a number of checks, and also a number of former run sites – run sites that appeared to be closer to the run, although not as spectacular as the view across the quarries.

A circle check thwarted us for a while as nobody wanted to check down, away from the main path we’ve used so often before. It’s useful to know there is another trail there, but it looked like the hares might have hacked their way through a bit. Then we started the serious climbing. Poor Red Carpet – used to the flats of Denmark and now subjected to the hills of Chiang Mai. Angry Inch was running all over the place like a leprechaun on acid. As we climbed the virgins were tested, and I didn’t see them again till the circle.

We passed the “cock check” and faced the decision – go back and do that 2.5km again, or go on and hope the next 6 might be better! Down in the Ob Khan valley, hashers faced a choice and Chilly Pussy led a group off to her house for a “short cut” back. The rest of us ploughed on and having gone over the hills one way, we’d have to go back over them to get back to the beer. Surely the hares had found a nice pleasant trail? No! These virgin hares were beset on punishing us!!! We somehow got onto a Square Rooter run that I remembered taking us back over the hills, and there were 2 sets of paper. Steep up, steep down and I hit the wall… Time to make my way back.

Fortunately I stumbled on a great trail that led me back down to the road and back in to the beer – an hour and a half!!! When all the hashers (we think) made it back in the last moments of daylight, the circle started. With immense efficiency, complete with primer notes the GMs tagged in and out. Actually I don’t remember ever a virgin circle being run as well. If the run hadn’t come after such a long weekend, I would probably have appreciated the hare’s efforts even more!

5th January – CSH3 OUTSTATION – Byte My Yahoo & Unplugged

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Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Looking back over my history running with CSH3 – the first Outstation of the year was usually in February – time enough to recover from the ‘festive season’. Dr Byte must have had some ingenious plan for making the OS the first run of the New Year.

Having survived the end of the World, 1111 and the Fiscal Cliff – just what did the virile duo have in mind? Mae Moh is home to the largest open pit lignite mine in Thailand (extra fascinating info here – http://www.mine-planning.com/Homepage/publications_documents/maemoh.pdf). I had Googled the location and Dr Byte had posted a couple of tempting photo’s to whet our appetites’.

The Friday before was a ‘golfing day’ – I hear this was a great success with one beer per stoke after the 4th hole, and this was followed by a night of drunken debauchery I can’t even begin to write about.

Perhaps wisely I set off on Saturday with Mr Poo and Knockout – what a delight, Knockout sitting up front with me was Poo’s desperate plan to make me drive ‘sensibly’ – and I did – more time with Knockout – thanks Poo – your very lucky and hope you both will be very happy. En route Dr Byte called and asked us to get some powder – huh!? This was a bit ominous – earlier in the morning he called me – and I thought it was some deranged pervert heavy breathing down the line – had he been laying trail or laying Unplugged!!??

Duly we arrived at the EGAT facility with its small town of 1970’s box student dorms – Dick Tracy was the first we encountered and I decided to leave Mr & Mrs Poo to settle in while take a quick look at the mine and power plant.

Behind the power plant were some very tempting looking hills (mountains) – Horny Monkey knew I’d like it here – and I did!

OK OK – enough pre-amble, so what was the run like?

The hares had organised a luxury (compared to the songtheow) coach to take us to A – Wow! – what a place to start a run – a platform sticking out over the valley with the mine and reservoir below – very cool indeed!

So photo op and moment to catch up friends – good to see Big Top and Red Carpet back in town. The hare brief was given an Dr Byte and Unplugged wanted a 2 min head start for an initial live hared section (hence the powder call). Unplugged was clearly visible going up a tower to no-where (that only Horny Monkey gamely went) while BmY arced off to set the real trail. Dick Tracy and Sunspot ignored the 2 mins and raced after him. Dick the Boy Wonder was valiantly trying to delay us by singing some obscure/obscene Texan Hash song – but as the 2 mins popped up – off I went.

Sunspot has been running pretty well of late and had probably 500m under his belt, with Dick Tracy racing ahead – I had to run him down to get to the first check. I’m sure BmY was delighted at the 500m checking I did – wrong! He was chuckling away at the check and rightly predicted I’d catch up with the pack soon enough.

In the middle of ‘thorn forest’ – the checks were tricky and did really well confusing the hell out of us with FRB lead changing frequently. Horny Monkey and Skid Mark seemed to be most energetic – taking it in turns to find the Skiddy Stix. HRA seemed to be getting nearly every check wrong, until he lucked out and the ‘thorn tunnels’ section of the run.

Here HRA used his advantage and powered ahead with Big Top, Game Set & Snatch, visitor Skiddy, Shagless, Red Carpet, Pamala, Mr Poo and me in pursuit.

For the short cutters there was a convenient road parallel to the ‘tunnels’ – so they easily kept up with Thobbing Ninja and Superman enjoying our shrieks at getting skewered with thorns and stickers every few meters.

Looking to the East – there were gorgeous mountains were crying out for a (Lanna?) hash on/up then, but BmY would have none of that – dirt, stickers, cow shit, flat, flat and more flat were on his mind and he joyfully kept popping up at every other check to marvel at how well he was keeping the pack together.

The highest elevation change was a mere 4 meters – but it was great fun. Just under 7km we came On In to the waiting coach – overlooking the stunning valley as the sun was beginning to set. Everyone came in close together – Frozen Dick was in ahead of the foragers – Cumalot, Super Bitch and Throbbing Ninja.

Screwed Up ran his first run since his knee op and well deservedly got the Male Wings.

The circle was joyful and fun – beer flowed and humour grew as the sun set over the valley – excellent job hares!

OnOn
BD