Tag Archives: Anything

18th August – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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Mr. Poo is back, and dived straight back into haring responsibilities. Teaming up of course with Knock Out, we headed out to the Sameong Road football field – a site where KO has set many runs that have (to put it politely), not gone to plan. A runsite where the temple steps remain a fear inducing curse, and one where more recently Turkish attempted to do the impossible of a run the other side of the road. The rules of the game are fairly simple, and from here the hares are restricted by the mountains on the other side of the road, and to the north beyond the temple steps. In the other direction is the “rubber” wall, which is now concrete. The chances are the run would be a new mix of familiar trails, but the question is always about the temple steps – none? all? or half? Kwazi made it clear he wasn’t going near the temple steps and I was tempted to join his camp.

We set off, I felt stiff and my knee was aching with every step – damnit, I thought I was over the knee? Being “middle aged” sucks if this is what it feels like. Belly did the usual sprint start, but stopped to take photos (aka catch breath) before the first check. HRA & Obscene raced away to the first check, while I plodded along with CW. What a strange place for a check? Not at a junction – with the river on the left, clearly they didn’t expect us to check there, and surely not into the rice fields on the right. We followed HRA to the only possible place, and sadly, reluctantly towards the temple steps. DAMNIT! However the clues are in the minor details, and that check suggested to me that the hares (having had mistakes here many times before) being over cautious didn’t want us checking too far, and I immediately suspected we would be back on the road behind the temple.

Sure enough we headed to the temple steps, and I tried all tactics – taking two at a time, running up – it’s good cardio right? Just don’t think about the hell you are going through. Finally a circle – it isn’t half way, but somewhere there is a trail off to the left, just where the hell is it? Damnit, I’m ahead, so I should do more stairs. I didn’t think it was right, and sure enough no paper. Back down the stairs and while most hashers lazily looked around like teenagers lazily hunting pokemon, finally Cuckold called On from the trail I had been hoping to see. Excellent! We weren’t going all the way up (that particular mountain). I spread the paper straight off the hill down to the other trail and joined the pack and shortly after there was Kwazi beaming like a guy who had just avoided climbing a few stairs.

Piggy and I ignored his assurances that there was no paper to the left, and went to check left. The rest of the hash is largely a dream… a hash dream… Circle check – Nailed it! Another check? Nailed it! When we went past the quarry I thought I could see some paper in the “gap”, so I saved that for later, and was ready for the hill. I pushed myself up the hill, with Cuckold somewhere behind me. Along the ridge for a bit at the top before back down to the left along an overgrown trail that I’m sure was clearer 6 months back when the hares scouted it. Nailed it again. The descent started and I could see CW, Piggy & Cuckold somewhere back up the hill as the trail switchbacked down – Not everyone followed the switchbacks according to strava!

At the bottom I hit the concrete wall – the rubber has gone now – so it has to be left, and the map in my mind was complete – I wasn’t going to make another mistake, I just focused on keeping a steady pace while I could hear the pack braying behind me – why were their calls so aggressive? I was doing all the work! I was checking every check, and calling every OnOn! And yet they were pushing me onwards as if I could do even better?! To the right along the wall, the checks were appearing as if I’d laid them myself, and the paper perfectly placed for the OnOn call. Another circle and the correct answer had to be left, up towards the “gap”. From here it is around 100m to the corner, so there should be paper as soon as I round the corner… Wait? What? Where is the paper? Shit! It was going so well… Another 20m, and there was paper finally hidden on the back of a tree… Thank fuck for that!

Sure enough it was through the gap, and down into the quarry, across the ricefields, and the hares were waiting for me over the bamboo bridge. For once I crossed it and held on to the OnIn. Excellent run hares, and I promise I didn’t have a map before we started! And best wishes to Belly Dancer and Anything as they start their new adventure (for now) in the UK!

4th August – CH4 – Pigshit & Baaabe

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To my knowledge we hadn’t used the shelter before, but we were within a 100m of another runsite, out behind the canal road football field. Some good trails around here… – what would Piggy put together? We were set off and I was determined to walk for a bit. Immediately a V check – but the trail to the right was too tempting, so I went left. Straight away I could see something stuck to a tree up ahead, but had to get close to see if it was a check back, or a circle – luckily it was a circle, but I promptly got it wrong and had to play catch up down the hill. The checks came thick and fast, keeping us together and the lead rotating – good job hares!

Another few checks and we were trudging up a nice trail towards a great ridgeline and the Runner trail set off that way with the Walker trail heading down again – I do enjoy running that ridgeline trail. We’ve run it from several different runsites – Ob Kham, here, and even from near the quarries 5km along Sameong road. No matter where from, it is a great ridge trail – nice views, and nice gentle undulation. There was some blatant silent running ahead, but then somehow I got ahead, but CW was right on my tail. As we headed closer to the end of the right, I didn’t want to be 2nd to the ‘next check’. Surely everyone would know it was down to the right? Foolishly I gave that away and CW took full advantage. It turned out the hare had put a false trail, and I’d unwittingly given it away. CW, Scooby, Tasty and I headed down the hill, with Scooby & CW trading checks ahead of us like prize fighters. Down, up, around, through, and we were back to where the Walkers met the Runners.

I was back behind Chilly Pussy, a quick glance at my watch said 4km in, so 2-3km still to go, and everything kicked out by the walkers. Ack! The rest of the trail was pulling in walkers one by one. I had a brief chat with Anything as I passed her, and then Does Nothing was quick to point out that we’d passed the OnIn when I caught him so I followed protocol and walked in with him.

Really nice trails, and as Square Rooter put it, a nice combination of familiar trails. Perhaps we need qualifications for those who pick the walker route!

30th July – CSH3 – Belly Dancer

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The 1313 run, unlucky for some? What epic nightmares would Belly conjure up for us? After a night at the rustic Cave Lodge, on one of the most uncomfortable beds ever, with barely any sleep, I was probably not best prepared for what was coming. Dodgy guts didn’t help either – I really wasn’t feeling like it! The harebrief required a lot of co-ordination, which just added to the trepidation.

The first bit was perhaps inspired – the irony of 13 water crossings, in honour of 1313 – particularly with our GM’s aversion to getting his feet wet. He dutifully stopped at each to take off his shoes, and socks, and again the otherside to use his towel to dry off before continuing. 13 times was stretching things, and he was a LONG long way behind at the beer stop. So was I though – after staying with the pack for a few checks, I quickly dropped backwards. Shagless joined me, and I think he slowed down to stay with me, as we navigated our way through a quaint little village to the stop.

I very nearly stopped – I just wasn’t feeling it, and although the pack had waited, they set off straight away. I waited with Belly, and another 5-10 mins later CW showed up. We sent him off, and were just heading back to the resort, when I changed my mind and decided to press on. I quickly caught CW up, as he was busily taking his shoes off for another water crossing. We trudged along some concrete paths to the W/R split. Bravely we decided to press on to the Rambo route, and after another KM or so we found the trail leading into a flooded cave. Danger signs all around, this is where we needed the guide, but as he wasn’t waiting for anyone else, he’d already set off. We thought we had heard sounds from up the hill, but couldn’t find paper. No choice but to turn back and do the “Wimp” run – if ever there was an inappropriate name – this was definitely not a WIMP run!

With limited checks it headed up, up, up, up…. Total elevation gain was 545m. This was a hard slog, but CW kindly stayed with me and encouraged me onwards. The checks were kicked out, but we had no way of knowing if people were ahead or behind. To be fair it was all on reasonable trails – I just don’t like the hills, and was feeling really weak. Finally we started descending, but it was slippy some slow going. Up ahead we saw Pamela, Geisha Gash, Wooly Jumper and Doesn’t Get It – seriously? The hares had sent them out on that trail? We caught up with them as we got back to the river. Only there had been a problem. Some of the runners were already back, but as they crossed the river, a dam had burst up stream sending a flash flood down the river – very fast carrying branches etc. We couldn’t cross. Who could have predicted a flash flood? During rainy season? (http://www.nationmultimedia.com/breakingnews/Four-provinces-warned-of-flash-floods-landslide-30291684.html) The nearest bridge was around 1km away, and now we were off paper scrambling to find our own ways home…

Exhausted we made it back, the FRBs from the long trail catching us up, and Scooby kindly bought some drinks at a local shop to help us home. An epic nightmare!

Woke up this morning for the hangover run – 3.5km, with only 1 runner brave enough to set off on another BD challenge!

14th July – CH4 – Chilly Pussy

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Chilly teamed up with Anything to set a run from the left side of canal road. Yup, the left side… I could remember a couple of runs from that area, and the runsite was somewhat familiar. We knew straight away it would be flat. And also it would be wet – it wasn’t raining now, but it had been. It has been raining the kind of rain that signals the start of rice planting season, when the paddies are flooded, and it is better if we stay off them…

The briefest of hare briefs sent us scurrying towards the mud. All different kinds of mud… Squelchy mud, squishy mud, slippery mud, mud hiding at the bottom of puddles, and mud plain to see. The first check, and CW went left, while I took the boys to check straight – if that was 100m, then I missed some paper – I nearly gave up before finally hitting the shredded paper. Another check, and my gut feeling said the run would be clockwise, so I went straight again, and sure enough found paper. I turned back and called ONON, my call drowned in the sounds of a tractor trying to move through a drenched muddy paddy. I could see Piggy continuing to check in the wrong direction, so bellowed until he turned back, before continuing.

Another check, and I thought I had it with an option to turn right, I wasn’t quite right, but did manage to find paper, joint with CW. Cuckold screamed like a girl, and nearly vanished into a sucky mud hole as he tried to cut across from our left. As good hashers our instincts were to rush over and help him, but better judgment quickly took over and we stood and laughed. He dragged himself out, but 5 steps later disappeared up to his neck again – that is one muddy mofo! Screw it, lets hash, and we continued into the rice fields… Yes… Bad hares… There were crops around… :(

A couple more checks, but the pack was still sticking together. Finally I found myself ahead, and a circle check. Surely it was to the right, so I took my time, and surely found the paper. When I did I was ready to run. Looking at the strava records from Terror Byte & 8-Bit, it seems that check probably wasn’t kicked out clearly, as the two boys went the long way around before getting back on paper. Anyway, that was the last check, but there was still 2km gruel to go… I pushed hard, with Piggy & CW chasing, and Cuckold in the mix too. We destroyed some rice crops, and crawled through barbed wire fences, wtf were the hares thinking? Finally we hit solid ground, and I knew we were close to home. I caught CW by surprise as I took off past him – I don’t deny it, I was being a racist bastard. I pushed, but could hear CW & Piggy over my shoulder – I knew they wouldn’t crack, it was just a question of whether I could hold on long enough… That is a question that remains unanswered, the cars were just about (almost) in sight as I gave in, and it would have been a photo finish for the virtual OnIn.

2nd July – CSH3 – HRA

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There are a few hares in history who are well remembered for losing hashers on trail… for hashers coming in in the dark as the circle ended… We don’t need to name names, but some of us have feared for our lives being left on trail in the dark. HRA is the latest to join that distinct haring club!

There was rain all day, it was miserable… As beer monster I had a duty to deliver beer to the medium sized group that braced the elements. HRA was nervous – something in his demeanour was even more concerned than usual – we even saw him several times out on trail, when any normal hare would have been snuggled in the shelter with a beer. The hare brief wasn’t brief – multiple Wimp trails… unmarked but for an arrow (an arrow that could have said “Save yourselves!!!”). When he finally pointed out the direction, even then it took us a while to find trail. Finally Obscene and I could call and set off away from the hills to a junction where surely there should have been a check, and perhaps pre rain there might have been, but there definitely wasn’t anymore. We found trail and continued into shiggy covered rice fields.

The side effect of rain is mud, and this was heavy going. The soles of everyone’s shoes gained 3 inches. Slogging along on the flat trails away from the mountains, we headed into shanty town. It had grown a lot since the last time we ran through (the AGFU)… Ah yes the AGFU, when we ran many of the same trails, when they were dry, and didn’t involve slip sliding around. We got to what looks like a wet moobaan development, and a circle had the pack spread out to the left. To the right I saw the hare, and headed towards him and trail. While most of the pack followed, Turkish short cut his way to the lead, and took advantage of the torrential rain to not bother calling. It was a clusterfuck. I couldn’t see without my glasses, hardly anyone could hear even if we were calling, and the paper to mark the trail was soggy anyway. What the fuck are we doing?

Of course it wouldn’t take long before Turkey fucked up. But then there was a check that fucked everyone up. Mostly as it was in a moobaan and the rain was so loud nobody could hear anything. HRA was on his bike like a sheep dog rounding us up and shepherding us in the right direction. Having lost ground there I took some time to catch up with Pigshit (who was “walking” today – wtf?), Shagless, ABB, Toe Sucker, Sex Pistol, Obscene… A bit of a meander and finally Sloppy was in sight, leading the way, and enjoying having first choice at a check on the road that surely took us home. He slow danced his way towards the A, insisting that I checked the “dummy run”… Well Fuck You Sloppy! You got it wrong!

We turned away from the A and headed for the hills… 5-6km in and now we were hitting the hills? What was HRA thinking? I second guessed a False Trail, and led the way up the hill. From there many checks were straight on back towards the A. For a while CW was getting 2nd choice on the checks, but refusing to see an alternative way… Finally he caught up, and when he picked it, he was off and home sailing all the way down and home. A LONG 9km run. The circle was mostly missing the hare, who was riding his bike around looking for hashers, and Sups, who was driving his car in search of Superbitch (what a husband!). Finally as the circle closed Superbitch, Anything and Bubble Head came in – at least Bubble Head had a smile on his face. I guess he was smiling that HRA just joined his Dad’s club!

23rd June – CH4 – Anything

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When Anything teams up with Chilly Pussy we never know what to expect – fortunately it is mushroom season, so they may have cut the run shorter to gather more mushrooms! We set off and my inhaler had no puff, so I would have to be careful about my asthma – damnit! Second check and there were 2 parallel trails, at least I thought they were parallel, and got to learn the hard way that they weren’t – CW got the right trail, I took the left, and wrong one. I could easily have cut across to join him, but was confident my lovely trail met his just around the corner. I was wrong. Horribly wrong.

Finally I managed to cut back across and found trail at the back with Cougar, Doesn’t Get It and Bobble Head. Having gone up the wrong hill, I then had to work my way up another hill. There was Toe Jam going the wrong way. I slowly picked off runners by sticking on the nice trail, that was 10m to the left of the scramble the hares had marked. Past Tiptoe, who was mixing it with the ladies… There was Obscene, and Cumalot… And then Kwazi, Shagless & Does Nothing. I kept it steady, but slowly reeled people in.

And then when the trail finally broke left there was 2.5km without checks to get back. I had a glimpse of ABB & Motorboat ahead and later Barbindoll, but was forced to take it steady to control my breathing. Damnit – these are great running trails, I just want to run! Even Kwazi started to close me down towards the end, but I wasn’t going to allow that humiliation! Nice set from a kind and gentle Anything!

Fly By

4th October – CSH3 – Belly Dancer

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Belly teamed with his favourite co-hare for a run near Ob Kham. Not the run site they’ve used before, but just around the corner… After hearing about the brutality of Monday, I guessed it would be a tamer affair, so checked in earlier in the week and was told it was ‘kid-friendly’, and encouraged to let Matty (Terror Byte) & Danny (8-Bit) out on the run for almost the first time.

We set off with my boys setting the early pace, until Brownie and I swept past into some horticultural centre. A couple of checks had the pack stuck together. Then there was a good check that had me way off course to the right, while the trail went up the hill to the left. I followed Stumbling Dyke up the hill as Terror Byte was already fading behind. Another circle check, and everyone milling around. Nobody wanting to check down a steep hill, and most going up. I followed Taste My Buns down, and sure enough we were on.

Definition – “Kid Friendly” – a run that is safe and fun for kids of all ages – in the hope they get motivated to continue hashing in the future!

The trail descended into a treacherous gully, I was sliding down clinging from tree to tree. I don’t think anyone survived without falling. It wasn’t long before I was bleeding from my middle finger. It wasn’t any definition of friendly that I know. Tasty Buns reassured me that it would be easier for the kids – they are closer to the ground right? Damnit… Nowhere I can go anyway – we’re in a single person gully, trying to stop falling more quickly down.

At the bottom Gorf and I hit the road, I went right, he went left. I could hear the screams and wails on the descent, hoping it wasn’t my boys. I was expecting the trail to go to the right, but sadly it went left. It was going to be up a steep mountain – I knew it had to go over the top to get into the valley the other side. We were 30 minutes in, heading up hill away from the A bucket. I turned back to find the kids. Not far back 8-Bit was walking along with Knockout. He was battered, bruised and bleeding, but in high spirits – perhaps because of Knock Out for company? Further back on the trail, there was Matty who’d picked up Snail Trail and Baaabe. There I was worried, and the boys were busy picking up older women?! Excellent Hashing Behaviour!

Probably more of a male hash than a Saturday hash – I can guess the other half of the trail, and in other circumstances it would have been a good one. OnOn.

1st December – CH4 – Chilly Pussy

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Chilly Pussy teamed up with Anything, which immediately got me worried – they can be a deadly duo! The initial pace was reserved, everyone saving themselves for what could be in store. There were a couple of good checks that kept people together early on, as we skirted along the bottom of a hill. The hill loomed closer – would we go up it? or back to the flat lands to the left? A circle check at the base of the hill had us foxed.

I headed up the obvious trail heading up the mountain for 150m or so – no sign of paper, but I was reluctant to lose the elevation I’d gained while no-one else was calling… I paused for a while, but noone else was calling. I skirted around the edge of the ridge, and would you believe it – there was the pink paper – off trail but still climbing up the hill towards me! ON ON! I shouted my lungs out thinking perhaps no-one would hear me – I was so far up the hill already.

I plodded on, and eventually Brown Finger & Dead Virgin appeared through the trees behind me – at least someone was following, but why weren’t they calling? A check had the racist BF pass me, and I followed him along the ridge line before the hares took us steep off the side of the mountain. I did my best monkey impression swinging from tree to tree, quickly pulling back the timid BF, only to pass him just before the On-In! Short but sweet! Now, everyone knows I’m not racing to ‘win’, I’m just out there having fun 😉 but it isn’t often you get the chance to chase Brown Finger down and catch him up!

26th October – CSH3 – Sweet Pea

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So, we had a virgin hare, but she’d recruited the experience of Wooly Jumper, so surely it would be ok? A nice runsite, with a nice garden for the kids to run around in, but it was ominously close to the main roads, so I wondered where the run would go! Sure enough we were directed out onto the main road, so I ran along with Banana Wiggler for a bit. Paper continued a long way along the main road, until I got to the On-In! Hmmm… Something was wrong – it had seemed like we were following the paper the wrong way – always being behind the tree, not in front of it…

I turned back and we started exploring other random turnings, looking for paper. Suddenly Anything ran off in the direction of the On-In… huh? That can’t be it – I’ll jog back and ask the hares what to do – perhaps the directions should have been left on the road, not right – an easy mistake! I got back to the “A” (having seen the On-In), and there were no hares! The beer cooler was looking at me, but I resisted and went back to look for paper. Graven, Humperdick, Stan and I mingled around for a bit and then set off back towards the OnIn – if necessary we can do it backwards, right?

Just before the OnIn the trail had changed and was now leading down a small soi, just next to the OnIn… Damnit! I had 2.5km on the GPS and I hadn’t seen a check yet! The chase was on, and Graven & Stan took off ahead of me. I soon started catching people, and slowly made my way through the walkers. Surely there would be a check soon that would slow them down? It dawned on me that the hares had made the rookie mistake of many DFLs. When they get to circle checks, normally there is paper leading away from it, so to save the FRBs the hassle of kicking checks out and laying paper for those following, the hares had decided to do it for us!!! Such kind hares!!!

With no chance of catching the leaders, I set a steady pace and just kept jogging. Eventually I hit the main road, and jogged for about a km before I saw the On-In, and then another km or so back to the A. I did a bit over 7km, and most of it was on the main road! I do remember a short loop through an orchard though…

7th September – CSH3 – Anything

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Anything, teamed up with Chilly Pussy, a deadly combination! Having set the most lethal runs for the past few years this was a run that needed mental preparation for… No point making excuses, it’s game time… The strategy was to take it steady early on and save energy for the inevitable later stages.

Out of the bus stormed a team of Chiang Rai hashers – hair perfectly manicured, t-shirts gripping to their pecs and accentuating their biceps. They waved their Princeton graduation certificates flexed and soon gathered a flock of harriettes worshipping them. Oh, and Namron was there too…

We set off up the hill, and I instantly got the first check wrong. Not to worry, I dragged Princeton boy off on my first parallel run – the only problem was it wasn’t quite parallel – not quite perpendicular, but certainly not heading in the right direction! We ended up going over a small hill to rejoin the pack with Humperdick and Square Rooter taking joy in my mistake…

Up another hill, and the hashers spread out on the trail with Patrick seemingly in the lead. I got back towards the front, just in time to get another check wrong. Turned out it was the last check – and we had a 2-3km stretch without checks to take us back. As the trail turned back, I opted for another parallel run – it was technically further, but much easier going, and I popped up ahead of Patrick. Namron had the bit between his teeth and quickly closed us down, sprinting through in search of ‘victory’.

Surprisingly short from Anything, I feared for worse… – perhaps she is lulling us into a false sense of security?