Tag Archives: Dead Virgin

9th March – CH4 – Graven Image & Brown Finger

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Graven decided to set a live hare run, and to decrease the chance of being caught he signed up Brown Finger as a co-hare. He also brought in Pig Shit as a co-co-hare, although the latter denied any knowledge of the route and would run with the pack. It turned out later that the hares also seemed to have no knowledge of the route and got themselves lost.

Brown Finger had already disappeared, but after 5 minutes headstart we set off after Graven. At the end of the road, I turned left, and went about 150m before finding the trail – sneaky hares! The trail abruptly turned left towards where I knew there was a lake – it was suspicious, but I figured I’d play the game and duly went to collect the spare paper at the False Trail.

Clearly the hares can’t read Thai, as they took us straight through a gate that stated ห้ามเข้า. No choice but to carry on. Into the woods, there was a circle check in the middle of nowhere, only trees, no trail, but from memory I knew there was a wider trail straight ahead, so I ploughed on through a bit more than the 100m. When I got to the trail, I checked down to the left, and then as hashers were calling I went back up to the right, and sure enough the paper emerged from the trees and headed on up the hill.

A single trail heading up, with occasional circle checks off to the side – each just returning to the main trail up up up up. And at the top was the “BN”. I was on my own, nobody around – would I get to drink all the beer? First I had to find the beer – and just past the BN was a circle check… Huh? Where was the beer? Oh, there was a somewhat obvious bag right next to the BN and in it the Tiger juice. I had some time to wait for the rest, so I figured out where the circle check was going back to, and kept yelling for them to follow me up the hill.

Finally Poo showed up. When Square Rooter got there, he ignored the beer, and headed off in the wrong direction – let them go! Back again, and we headed down the hill on a different trail. When we got to the road at the bottom, a circle check had been replaced with a Wimp Rambo split – no mention of that in the hare brief! The Rambo took us back to the ห้ามเข้า gate, where the hares had put even more paper over the poor family’s yard. A bit further on, and a circle check was suspiciously next to a ant infested log bridge, that I straddled my way over with Poo following, only for trail to be found in a different direction. We were back in the forest on the old trail, and as Chuckie led the pack back up the hill, I thought better of it, and finally None of Your Business found arrows and trail back through the trees again. He took off like a whippet, and we were soon back to the Wimp Rambo split – only this time it was just an arrow heading up back in. Confused? We all were! Especially the co-co-hare Pig Shit who led Dead Virgin all the way back up the hill and finally limped in in the dark.

It seems the hares had screwed up from the start and spent all the time trying to fix their mistakes. None of Your Business celebrated at the On-In his victory!

1st December – CH4 – Chilly Pussy

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Chilly Pussy teamed up with Anything, which immediately got me worried – they can be a deadly duo! The initial pace was reserved, everyone saving themselves for what could be in store. There were a couple of good checks that kept people together early on, as we skirted along the bottom of a hill. The hill loomed closer – would we go up it? or back to the flat lands to the left? A circle check at the base of the hill had us foxed.

I headed up the obvious trail heading up the mountain for 150m or so – no sign of paper, but I was reluctant to lose the elevation I’d gained while no-one else was calling… I paused for a while, but noone else was calling. I skirted around the edge of the ridge, and would you believe it – there was the pink paper – off trail but still climbing up the hill towards me! ON ON! I shouted my lungs out thinking perhaps no-one would hear me – I was so far up the hill already.

I plodded on, and eventually Brown Finger & Dead Virgin appeared through the trees behind me – at least someone was following, but why weren’t they calling? A check had the racist BF pass me, and I followed him along the ridge line before the hares took us steep off the side of the mountain. I did my best monkey impression swinging from tree to tree, quickly pulling back the timid BF, only to pass him just before the On-In! Short but sweet! Now, everyone knows I’m not racing to ‘win’, I’m just out there having fun 😉 but it isn’t often you get the chance to chase Brown Finger down and catch him up!

24th November – CH4 – Baldrick

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Baldrick as a hare – I’ve not done one of his runs before, but I was assured he knew what he was doing by Skid Mark at the hash pub the night before – strangely Skid Mark wasn’t there…

A rambled hare brief set us off with the promise of around 3-4km ahead. We took off running with Brown Finger and I setting a blistering early pace on the tarmac. We may as well right? It’s a short run, and we’re on flat road! Oops! It turns out the hare had his poker face on, or in other words, was full of shit! 3 or 4km turned out to be 3+4=7km for those lucky enough to find a short trail, and 9.5km for those who found a different trail.

The paper was sparse with an environmentally friendly hare cautious about putting more than 1 stamp sized piece of paper per 500m or so. A lot of guess work was involved. Rather than heading into the usual valley, we turned right, so that we could stay on the road – perhaps the hare was a bit scared of leaving the roads? A short climb up the stairs past a temple took us to the point of confusion. Being that deep into the run, we all wanted to head back towards home, and it was only Brown Finger who reluctantly checked left. You could hear the joy in his voice when he called us On! By then we were already making our way along the wrong side of the canal, so carried along. When I found a circle check I headed out into a construction site, finding occasional papers, and calling confidently enough to bring Chuck Wao and Dead Virgin along with me. Eventually we gave up on trail – it was too patchy, so we cut through a rice field to the road. When we hit the road we found Brown Finger and Graven Image, and trail!!!!

A bit of a climb over another ridge, past another temple, and back down… At least I saw the On-In, and finally I could hit the beers. Eventually everyone else trailed in covered in mud from their own stories. The circle was slow starting, but turned into an absolute classic. Dead Virgin and I took longer to recover from the pain of laughing so hard than it took recovering from the terrible run!

23rd December – CH4 – Suckit

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It was down the canal road to Suckit’s favourite run setting area – just by his house… The turnout was large by CH4 standards, a 2nd songthaew needed to bring everyone from town. Eventually Suckit pointed us out the gate and I set off with Angry Inch hot on my heels. At the first V check, he just followed me rather than checking. He was running well! We headed towards the hills, and then the dogs attacked. Swarms of yapping, growling canines as I tried to check, they were only driven more aggressively as the pack chased after me.

In the hills, I kept getting the checks right with Dead Virgin, Mr Poo, Angry Inch and HRA hot on my heels. Somewhere Skiddy was getting everything wrong… Angry Inch kicked out one check wrong, and refused to go back to correct it – I did feel sorry for the DFLs for a moment, until I found Klaus Barber (welcome back!) and Frozen Dick had short cut ahead of me – and Robin Banks was up there too.

I emerged from the woods with HRA, Dead Virgin, and Graven Image was hot on our heels. The “race” was on. Down the hill on the home straight and finally there was the On-In – the traditional end of the hash. But Dead Virgin couldn’t help himself but to race home, Graven, Poo and HRA followed suit. Bunch of racist bastards!

Back at the A, the circle was a treat! Lots of fun! Then the food at Ya’s was great – until the karaoke started!

15th December – CSH3 – Belly Dancer / Big Top / Frozen Dick / Skid Mark – RUN 1,111

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The day had finally come, and it was time to head out to the biggest hash of the year – the biggest hash in a couple of years since the 1,000 run. I wasn’t feeling too well on account of Human Excrement, but managed to scramble my way out to the runsite a bit early to make sure everything was in order. There was a pervasive nervous tension around, or was that just my dodgy stomach? My ribs were hurting and I wasn’t sure I was up for the 11 grueling KM the hares had put together.

The first beer stop was immediate – great way to start, except that it was Chang, and I immediately wanted to vomit! Then it was chasing Frozen Dick’s live haring – with 11 minutes headstart of course! The crowd of around 90 set off and just around the corner had our 2nd beer stop. Across the carpark was the 3rd beer stop with a 4th on the reservoir wall. Time for a group photo and for the pack to split between the ‘long run’ and the ‘short run’.

The hares had given me some inside information about the start of the long run, so I had little choice but to take that option, and led the way towards the ‘zoo’. We’d been told something about just follow the trail and just through the gate there would be a circle check. Well we went through a gate and spread out looking for trail. Sadly you can rely on hashers fucking things up, and the gate was somewhere else. Plenty of time eaten up already and we hadn’t even found the trail.

When we found the circle, it was a tricky one, and took another 10 minutes or so before Dead Virgin picked up the scent and we were off. The circles were pretty small (quarter A4), and we missed the 2nd circle check, but eventually found the trail further on. My ribs were killing me – I really shouldn’t have been running, and promptly collapsed vomiting on the trail, which didn’t help at all.

OnOn, and the pack was brought back with some skiddy sticks. Anal Birth found the trail off to the right and gave the least inspiring call in history. The checks had been screwing with us, and at one point we’d done 3km in an hour. This was going to be a long 11km. Finally we emerged and saw Frozen and Skiddy checking on our slow progress. Another regroup, and by now my ribs were just a dull constant agony, so I had a bit of a run with Alice past another reservoir. Great running trails all over the place, and the pace picked up. We took a sharp turn up some steps and found a circle. As I checked straight on all of a sudden I heard Graven calling confidently to the right and Alice calling confidently to the left. There were OnOns all around me and in my confused state I had no idea where to go, so I kept on forwards and finally intercepted the trail on top of a ridge. Alice came running up to me, and we jogged on together with a large part of the pack having missed out the whole mountain part of the run.

I had very little idea where we were, but the checks had been kicked out so I just kept jogging along until we bumped into Screwed Up complete with beer for another beer stop. He had no idea what was going on and nor did Chilly Pussy just around the corner. Finally we saw Big Top holding a sign on the other side of a little lake, begging us to swim across to her – it was a short cut! I gave Mr. Poo my watch and jumped in leaving Poo and Alice to jog off the long way around the lake. We were definitely not a pack any more, but Suckit appeared as I was climbing out and duly jumped in for a swim. Dead Virgin took the swim option too.

Along the road a bit and we found Angry Inch running towards us, eventually figuring out where we were and found trail leading into the last 4 beer checks. I think I missed a beer check, and some how passed the other long run runners. Oh well, I’d done enough and had to get the circle started while the remaining runners made it back in fits and starts – Semen Soars being the last man in as the circle closed, and Cumalot strolling along with her headphones.

OnOnOn to the river market for some excellent food and some more post run analysis. Thanks to all who put in so much effort – and thank goodness it’s over! 😉

My GPS track has gained a bit of distance as I forgot to switch it off…

8th December – CSH3 – Miss Piggy

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Miss Piggy stepped up and volunteered to set the run, recruiting Wooly Jumper as her co-hare. When they announced well in advance it would be at the TV station on Suthep road, we knew there would be some climbing involved… Still a good number showed up and set off.

We ran along a road that’s been used as an On-In more often than an On-Out, and some guy called Ferret came jogging up next to me as though I was sprinting on a treadmill and he was stood chatting next to me. An experienced hasher from out of town decided to circle watch at the first check while I checked the obvious trail. Quickly we turned up the hill, and from the way we scrambled up the side of the hill with a trail I knew of just along side I should have suspected we would be back down again… Foolishly I got the 2nd (of 3) checks wrong, going higher than necessary and was playing catch up down the hill again.

With only one more check to go, it was Sloppy Rod that was testing his mettle against the Ferret, Dead Virgin and I just following in their wake, while Dick Tracy led countless shortcutters to cross paths in front of us. The trail was a short cutters delight!