Tag Archives: Cumalot

17th December – CSH3 – Cumalot

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Cumalot cast her eye over the men of the hash and selected Brown Finger to be her paper carrying bitch for the day, between them setting a run at the far south of canal road. I know Suckit knows this area like his own backyard – because it is… And I know Brownie stayed at Suckit’s when he first got back – did he learn the secrets?

The runsite was just off the canal road, which meant the first km was weaving its way through the little mud sois before we got to the hill trails. I jogged off and promptly got the first circle wrong. We circled Suckit’s place, but each time I got close to the front, there was another check, and I was forced to check the wrong way. I’m not sure if I really got to the front of the pack again, but I did a lot of checking the wrong way.

There was a little cut through that went past a Cruella D’Ville’s place, with a billion yappy dogs having some fucked up orgy. I was distracted and when we headed into the woods, I didn’t quite pick up on which trail we went in on, and so was a bit disoriented, and god these trails all look so similar. The checks were well set, slowing the FRBs down, keeping the pack together and cycling the lead, you can’t really ask for much more. I did get back to the front when Mr. Poo ran past a circle check without seeing it, Angry, Turkish & Graven followed me and sure enough I got the next V-check wrong, and was back in the middle of the pack.

The pace was good, the trails being flat and gently undulating, but I confess I was completely disoriented, and when I thought I recognised a feature, I could never be sure. I did know we were heading around to the right, and finally found myself again following Poo at the front. Another circle, and a complete gamble. Finally I knew where we were! Turn right and we hit old trail, turn left and it is a boring km of road to get home. Poo went right, I went left. After an eternity, Poo finally called, and I was at the back of the runners. On the positive side we didn’t have the km of road to do, instead, we ducked and weaved back on the opening trail, but the hare had diligently been out and cleared everything up, relaying the end of the run in powder.

Nice effort hares – a good run, a good circle from the acting, acting GM.

8th December – CH4 – Square Rooter

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Rooter’s birthday adventure, and boy did he put some effort into it! We’ve run from that runsite a bunch of times, and I was fairly confident I knew all the trails around – Rooter proved me wrong several times! He was a generous hare, today offering us multiple wimp trails and a hare brief that was long enough that I could arrive late, get changed and still get out with the pack.

We set off, with Kwazi running ahead, but not even getting to a check before refusing to move another inch until someone found trail. We did, and Brownie was off… Do we need to run? Already? Damnit! A circle, and I didn’t want to check left, but it was my obligation, so I idled along, and when I did find the powder, just ahead was Brownie and 3.5inch, cutting onto trail. We were back to the road we’d driven in on, and most wanted to go right. I went left, and around the corner found powder, another circle and then up the hill a bit, more powder and Dyke Converter blaring music while he lugged around bags of mud. Random!

An excellent check followed. We were all over the place searching! Music to entertain us! I went up the hill, and back… I could see Taste My Buns being very thorough down the hill to the right. Finally I headed through the shiggy to the left, and ahead Blows Herself was discussing how she had found powder… She wasn’t calling “ONON” as is tradition, but hey we were on to another circle. Suckit and I checked down to the left, and I found pink paper on the trail to the left, while Suckit found a circle to the right. We figured the pack would appear sooner or later and started checking the circle – the pack didn’t appear, and we didn’t find trail off the circle. Finally we followed pink paper backwards and saw the pack in the distance. Seems we had followed one of the wimp trails backwards and finally rejoined the main group – not a short cut, just parallel to the main trail, and trust me, that wimp trail was shitty shiggy! Rooter went to a lot of effort to hack out a trail, that wasn’t used by many…

Back on trail and a V check by a temple. Oh inspired my dear Rooter. How about a V check, where somewhere (perhaps) to the left there was a hidden back check, while to the right solid powder for 200m or so, and then nothing. Finally we found a pile of pink paper under a stone tucked neatly in a freshly watered flower bed by the temple wall. Did you pay someone to wash away the powder? We assumed it was a circle, and the FRBs charged forwards. Sometime later, closer inspection revealed a FT. So now, having wasted a bunch of time, we had a V check with a checkback (maybe) one way, and a FT the other. My head was reeling, but finally someone picked out some powder we hadn’t seen before and we set off, while most of the FRBs were still down the bottom of a hill wondering what the Fuck was going on.

I somehow got into the mix, with Cumalot and HRA and we hit a bit of a scramble with “QUIET” written at the bottom clearly by our hare. What did that mean? What were we doing? WTF? This was all new for me, I had a suspicion we were creeping through private property, and a shortwhile later when a pack of 20 vicious dogs were set on us, I think we were right. I had a stick to waft at them as I edged backwards. Crap Thai was escorting the rest of the hashers through a gate, while I held of the dogs like a hollywood action hero. Crap Thai and I ducked through the gate and slammed it shut in the face of the evil canine hoard, like Indiana Jones escaping with his hat.

Onwards, and there was a 2nd Wimp Rambo split. By chance I got there with HRA, and well, we talked each other into the Wimpier option. A wimpier option that promptly hit some devilishly difficult checks. The rambo runners were nearly upon us before we solved them. Finally we found trail and HRA led the way to the ONIN. HUH? ONIN? Where the fuck are we? I know this area, and I can’t figure out where my car is! A bit further and another ONIN… Huh? This was a road, so we were closer to home! A final ONIN to encourage us up the hill to the beers. Very nice set Rooter – very confusing, good use of regular stuff, and some clever mixes of stuff that was new to me. A well engineered run, a great circle, and fun ONONON.

10th September – CSH3 – Knockout & Sex Pistol

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The runsite was the strawberry place in Sameong – a nice A-site with great views. At the top of a hill, the trail had to set off downhill – which is fine, except that it means the trail will finish uphill – there is no way to avoid a climb at the end… But we had that to look forward to, first the start would be downhill…

I set off with Chuckie, and while protocol is to walk at the beginning, nature took us into a brisk jog. A circle check, and I spotted paper quickly, but had to navigate a small gully before I could call ON – an obstacle that would soon cause Poo & Cumalot similar navigational challenges. It was still downhill, but now back on the road we drove in on – DAMN! I wish I had looked in my mirrors more as I drove to the runsite!!! The out trail was just following our drive up the hill! A V-Check, I went left, CW did the dummy run to the right – I was so certain I was on, and was going well until I hit a false trail – NICE JOB hares! Back along the road and this time CW, TMB and I were all caught out by an invisible V check leading to a check back.

Another couple of checks and we got to a circle where nobody really wanted to give up the high ground. TMB checked up, Turkish straight. A Thai virgin headed reluctantly down to the right. I was lured to the right too as though a wailing banshee was beckoning me. Checking downhill is always a risk, a risk you might have to climb back up, but there were no other calls. The virgin was just smiling, but not finding paper, so I tried a bit harder, and sure enough – it was a brilliant check, leading through a tight gully, climbing back out and on to the road. As I got to the road, KO’s car came skidding to a stop with an impromptu beer stop. Sweet! I grabbed some water, and was very glad I did later…

From here we had a bit of tarmac time, heading towards the quarries, and I had a nagging bad feeling about the inevitable hill… The checks up until the beerstop we great, but from there it was hard to keep the pack together. One circle was around 130m, which brought Chuckie back, even though we knew it had to be that way. He retraced his steps once he saw me persisting that way, and sure enough the paper was there. There was no way to avoid the hill, but we had 5km in our legs before we started…. Why oh why? KO? You don’t like us?

As the climb started I wasn’t far off the front, CW was 100m ahead of HRA, 100m ahead of me. I kept on going, but one by one, hashers caught me up. When Cuckold passed, I thought – surely not?! Not long back I remember passing him on hills – he could never make it to the top without stopping! Today it was more of a pause than a stop… Taste My Buns went past in a flurry as though I was the only one going uphill! Poo was gentler, but didn’t want to wait for me. There was a little down, before another up. I managed to jog down a little, and scrambled to the top before lying down at the top for a rest – the humidity! Tadpole past by and I managed to get back to my feet as Turkish got there. There was some downhill, and I managed to jog a little, Turkish ahead, Alice behind. Alice caught up by the OnIn, and we were both relieved to be alive. Back at the resort, we opted for the stairs to climb back up – attempting some small talk, but mostly reverting to the age old cave man panting for communication.

All in all, it was a great trail – a tough one for sure, some great mentally challenging checks early on, and physically challenging later.

Alice:- Strawberry Fields Forever.

Picture a run
Across the spurs
On a hillside,
With 2 tangerine runners
And clear Samoeng skies.
Somebody calls you
You answer quite slowly
The girl with false trail in her eyes…

Blimey, these girls are setting the bar pretty high. Monday hares are on a hiding to nothing and Cuckold gives himself enough hidings as it is.

Knockout and Sex Pistolet combined for a scenic, challenging and varied run from the Strawberry Farm down Samoeng Rd. Thick white strips marked the trail, sometimes bent double but well sited – and well sighted. Checks were strips stapled together and obvious. That’s more than can be said about some of the On trails which were cunning if not difficult in places.
The trail curved a path down the spurs and thru some orchards then up and around with some stunning open vistas to enjoy on the return. Two Thai guys attracted by KO while setting joined us and really got into the spirit and ran well, especially Mr Happy!
I ran where I could and walked when I couldn’t and managed to keep up with Turkish and Blows Herself most of the run. Turkish grabbed the back of a flatbed SUV to pull himself up the worst gradient after I tried to work out if I could somehow catch and vault the tailgate.
After the steep section towards the end, I almost caught Byte my Yahoo who started jogging again as he sensed me approaching. I forebare to overtake after the On In narrowly saving the good Dr from the ignominy of a marriage proposal when he shouted On In. I was that happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was running on empty energy wise, although still had some water left.
We climbed the steep stairs to get back to the A, the thought of the winding, steep longer path didn’t appeal.
Top run, nice company, kind weather, fun circle, OnOn. And mental note not to fly with Poo after Chucky’s narrative to close the circle.

30th June – CH4 – Sex Pistol

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Sex Pistol’s virgin haring had her teamed up with Cumalot. The football field on the Sameong Road – a runsite we are familiar with! The hare brief was early, and we were kicked out, running down the road – in the usual general direction of the temple, but then a bit of a detour through the rice paddies – bad hares! These paddies were now full of water, ready for planting!!! We hit the road, and a circle. First instinct said go left towards the temple, but then we spied some papery like thing straight on across the field – the first bit we ran to was only a leaf, but it wasn’t far before we found paper. A little bit further and back to the road, and there was Kwazi?! Impressive guesswork for him to appear there!

I got a check right, and then paper leading past a bridge over the river, and towards the back entrance of a resort. Alarm bells were ringing – either the hares had found something nobody had found before, or it was going to be a shitty run back down the road, OR, it was a false trail. Thankfully it was the latter, and the pack regrouped as we headed towards the dreaded temple steps. I could only dream that we would only go part way up… But no… we were forced to endure the whole 1,000 steps. These steps are particularly cruel, relentless… Just when you think you are there, you turn a corner and there are 300 more, even steeper steps. I have no idea how to pace myself for that kind of torture.

Finally the top, and HRA and I summited together, someway behind the FRBs. I went around the left of the temple towards the road, only to find out it was being called to the right. wtf? Not content with punishing us with the stairs, the sadistic haring duo had found a trail that went up a bit more over the crest behind the temple. FS! I was spent – I headed off down the road, listening to the OnOn calls from the hill. Pretty quickly I was back with the pack as they briefly hit the road, before setting off cross country. Almost as steep as the ascent was, the descent was sharp. Like lemmings we were tossed off the trail and thrown down the hillside, emerging back at the bottom. 3km in – the hares decided it wasn’t far enough, even with the stairs, so we turned away from the A-site, and had an extra loop around the hill and back through the quarry to the bamboo bridge finale.

But as we got to the bottom of the hill, the heavens opened, the rains poured… The trail was washed away… The called of “OnOn” were replaced with deafening thunder and raindrops. What might have been a V-check was now some confusing paper. The FT on the tree, was still an FT, but who knows what we were supposed to have done. I joined up with HRA & Cuckold heading back to the A, occasionally seeing paper, but with my glasses in my pocket, who knows! I’m going to feel that tomorrow.

23rd June – CH4 – Anything

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When Anything teams up with Chilly Pussy we never know what to expect – fortunately it is mushroom season, so they may have cut the run shorter to gather more mushrooms! We set off and my inhaler had no puff, so I would have to be careful about my asthma – damnit! Second check and there were 2 parallel trails, at least I thought they were parallel, and got to learn the hard way that they weren’t – CW got the right trail, I took the left, and wrong one. I could easily have cut across to join him, but was confident my lovely trail met his just around the corner. I was wrong. Horribly wrong.

Finally I managed to cut back across and found trail at the back with Cougar, Doesn’t Get It and Bobble Head. Having gone up the wrong hill, I then had to work my way up another hill. There was Toe Jam going the wrong way. I slowly picked off runners by sticking on the nice trail, that was 10m to the left of the scramble the hares had marked. Past Tiptoe, who was mixing it with the ladies… There was Obscene, and Cumalot… And then Kwazi, Shagless & Does Nothing. I kept it steady, but slowly reeled people in.

And then when the trail finally broke left there was 2.5km without checks to get back. I had a glimpse of ABB & Motorboat ahead and later Barbindoll, but was forced to take it steady to control my breathing. Damnit – these are great running trails, I just want to run! Even Kwazi started to close me down towards the end, but I wasn’t going to allow that humiliation! Nice set from a kind and gentle Anything!

Fly By

16th August – CSH3 – Potato Head

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Potato Head’s birthday run, but Daddy stepped up to put the leg work in. A vehicle scout on Thursday, and a scout/set on the hash day – Skiddy looked worse for wear and not excited when he got to the A bucket. He looked dejected – a sure sign things hadn’t gone the way he’d hoped…

We set off with Skiddy kitted out like a live hare – and from the hare brief, I was off looking for an “Imaginary Circle Check”. I did my best, but my imagination struggled – half a km into the run and I was still imagining paper! Fortunately Piggy found a trail and we set off. We scrambled through some shiggy, and fortunately I got a couple of checks right. Finally I got one wrong and caught up to the pack as they were confused. There was a circle check – Piggy called OnOn, but threw his voice so the pack followed close to where he’d been, and after a while we found a circle check – around the same time Piggy found another one just 100m to our left.

Which circle were we looking for? I headed right and found trail – but the trail was at a junction and heading in both directions… It looked like we should have got there from a different direction and run around the corner. Kinda confusing, but Cumalot followed my call… Another 100m or so and I found a check back… Hmmm What to do? No sign of anyone behind me – had I short cut? should I clear the check? I grabbed the paper and went back to the junction where trail was going both ways. As I started trying to make the trail Skiddy was calling to me off to the right.

Apparently I was wrong – I suspected as much, and was tempted to just carry on, but Skiddy insisted I went back and did the long extra loop. He told me “go to the next junction and turn right”. I suspected it was inside information to help me get back with the pack, so jogged off down the trail, while Cumalot called On On behind me. Was she calling me, or just calling? With a huge quarry to my right, I saw hashers the otherside disappearing… Was I short cutting? I wasn’t at the junction yet… When I finally got to the junction I turned right, and right again towards the hashers I’d seen… Finally I sign of trail and some paper!!! No hashers, no footprints, which way should I follow it?

I went left, and there was a set of skiddy sticks perfectly intact. Hmmm Had I short cut again? Was I ahead? Should I fix the check? I picked up 2 sticks and headed back towards where I thought the trail had come from, and there was Miss Piggy, walking along with Superbitch. They were probably as surprised as me – I don’t remember the last time I ran into them on trail!!!! I figured the trail out and slowly picked off hashers – Superman, Does Nothing, Geisha Gash (who didn’t short cut). Man I was way out of this thing!

I finally caught up with Anything, Banana Wiggler and Stephen as we got to the false trail that I’d already found. Humperdick was grumbling his way back from it, which gave some inspiration to running harder. Around the corner and there was powder letters all over the trail. “ON OUT” “ON IN” “OH FUCK” “OH DEAR” “OOPS” – I have no idea what it said, or which way we should go, but it was clear we were supposed to follow the first 2k or so back.

I got to the road with Humps and decided to go around to the left rather than just following the out trail back. Humps decided to do the same to the right, but unfortunately for him there weren’t trails to the right and he got his exercise back and forth on the tarmac.

19th July – CSH3 – HRA Outstation

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HRA and Cumalot teamed up to organise an outstation in Pai, so after 2.5-3 hours drive, I pulled into the resort, just in time to check in and collect hash cash. Hare brief done, we were off on out with Tasty Buns & Romy up front. First check had me going up a hill that wasn’t necessary, and it was a bit of a scramble to cut across back to the pack. The hares took us towards a temple, and teased us with a climb up the hill, before cutting left back down to the flats.

We followed a creek for a while, and only the diligence of Chuckie could keep his feet dry while the rest of us paddled regularly. I was getting quite a few checks right, including the pink false trails. Finally I got a check badly wrong, and it took a while for me to get back in earshot. Turns out had I just continued a few more yards I would have found paper again, but not to worry.

Finally we got to the novel “N/SR” split. Despite the hare brief, we were all wondering if SR was “Short Run”, turned out it was “Super Rambo”! The extra loop consisted of an extra 2km with 2 treacherous river crossings. I spent too long debating the split, and couldn’t catch up again as Piggy ran ahead with the German ladies.

Skiddy ran the circle for the absent GM and it went well with some good highs to see us off to our buffet dinner. The resort clearly hadn’t been visited by hashers before as we proceeded to drink them out of Heineken and then Leo. Finally personal stashes located and devoured we hit the sack.

Next morning, Chuckie treated us to a hangover run – which largely consisted of reusing HRA’s 800m OnIn. The kids loved it, and Willy Walls is becoming a bit of a Racist Bastard – as I ran into the resort, I glanced over my shoulder and eased up as I was homefree, only for WW to sprint past me. 8 Bit led the rest of the kids in.

29th March – CSH3 – Cumalot

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Rating: 9.0/10 (3 votes cast)

Cumalot teamed up with Knockout for a run in the Mae Sa valley. It was a familiar location, but it’s been a while since we’ve been there… Last time I recall there being just me, Chuckie and Mr. Poo running the trail set by the same hares. Hopefully they would set the same again and we could have an advantage?

It seems Turkish was the one to get an advantage – he arrived hours early with Square Rooter to start checking some trail out and getting the first few checks sorted. His big mistake was to tell me and so we set off with some checks already loaded. It was a bit tricky though – not entirely comfortable with the area, and memory failing, they switched it up a bit at the start and it was a while before we were on a familiar trail up the elephant shit route.

A bit of a breakaway with Chuckie leading, Brownie, Piggy, Gravy and I taking the route over the hill tops and back down. The memories were there, I knew where we were headed. A V check had everyone confused, with check backs in both ways – and the way I went there were 2 check backs!! Now that is enthusiastic haring! Fortunately I disregarded both and found myself on trail on the road while the rest were confused by all the check backs. I think I went the way the hares had hoped to go, but took my time waiting for Chuckie and Gravy to catch up so we could run in together.

A nice trail, very well marked, fun in an area we haven’t done for a while.

2nd June – CH4 – HRA

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Following over complicated directions took us to the A bucket behind the Ag Centre, a familiar area. Looking around at the start, it looked like Semen Sores would have to help with some checking – except, he decided to have a restful day, strolling along with Tip Toe, leaving Square Rooter to help me with the checks. We set off in a slightly different direction – this was good, had HRA found some new trails?

I ran up the first hill with Belly Dancer, and at the first check, chose to go left towards some trails that I hadn’t run before. Sadly it was off to the right back towards the familiar waterfall, but not before Frozen had confused everyone with a false call. Anyway, we slid down into a dry stream bed (apart from Blue Tit, who turned back head spinning from the previous night’s hangover!) Along the creekbed and then up a steep path the other side – I got a check right! Behind me, SR had developed a cunning strategy – if I got the check right, he’d wait at the check for me to call it, but if I was wrong, he’d go and check the right trail. Seriously he didn’t put a foot wrong, while I was all over the place.

Finally we turned down the hill along the usual route down to the waterfall cafe. At last I was home free – but this late in the run I was caught up behind Tip Toe, Cumalot, Screwed Up etc. Somehow the hare had done a stellar job of keeping the pack together. Nice <5km on some nice trails – 46 minutes, ideal!

16th March – CSH3 – Shagless & Reverse Thrust

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Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Shagless teamed up with Reverse Thrust, and picked a new runsite in a familiar area just down the canal road. The hare brief promised not one but two wimp rambos! Sups would love it!

I knew we must be close to the Bone Residence, but we were too far from the mountains for me to figure out just where we were – and too far from the Disco Shelter too. The trail set off down a nice path along a river, to a cross check in a field. The right option was to go right, but it was such an unpopular choice that the other check backs had been found before anyone set off in that direction.

The first wimp rambo added a little loop through a moo bahn, rejoining the wimps to scramble up through a rubbish tip. I was going along well, hitting the checks right, until one circle check caught me out completely. I was well ahead and had time to check 100+ metres in 2 directions before the pack caught up. It turns out I was right the first time, but about 10 meters short of the trail.

There was a welcome beer stop, and the pack regrouped. HRA got a break at the next check, and I was left chasing as we cut into some rice fields, through a under construction resort where Shagless was waiting. Cumalot’s son was there to block Humperdick and I from getting past on a paddy wall, as Graven & Chuckie vanished into the distance. Bugger!