Tag Archives: Square Rooter

8th December – CH4 – Square Rooter

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Rooter’s birthday adventure, and boy did he put some effort into it! We’ve run from that runsite a bunch of times, and I was fairly confident I knew all the trails around – Rooter proved me wrong several times! He was a generous hare, today offering us multiple wimp trails and a hare brief that was long enough that I could arrive late, get changed and still get out with the pack.

We set off, with Kwazi running ahead, but not even getting to a check before refusing to move another inch until someone found trail. We did, and Brownie was off… Do we need to run? Already? Damnit! A circle, and I didn’t want to check left, but it was my obligation, so I idled along, and when I did find the powder, just ahead was Brownie and 3.5inch, cutting onto trail. We were back to the road we’d driven in on, and most wanted to go right. I went left, and around the corner found powder, another circle and then up the hill a bit, more powder and Dyke Converter blaring music while he lugged around bags of mud. Random!

An excellent check followed. We were all over the place searching! Music to entertain us! I went up the hill, and back… I could see Taste My Buns being very thorough down the hill to the right. Finally I headed through the shiggy to the left, and ahead Blows Herself was discussing how she had found powder… She wasn’t calling “ONON” as is tradition, but hey we were on to another circle. Suckit and I checked down to the left, and I found pink paper on the trail to the left, while Suckit found a circle to the right. We figured the pack would appear sooner or later and started checking the circle – the pack didn’t appear, and we didn’t find trail off the circle. Finally we followed pink paper backwards and saw the pack in the distance. Seems we had followed one of the wimp trails backwards and finally rejoined the main group – not a short cut, just parallel to the main trail, and trust me, that wimp trail was shitty shiggy! Rooter went to a lot of effort to hack out a trail, that wasn’t used by many…

Back on trail and a V check by a temple. Oh inspired my dear Rooter. How about a V check, where somewhere (perhaps) to the left there was a hidden back check, while to the right solid powder for 200m or so, and then nothing. Finally we found a pile of pink paper under a stone tucked neatly in a freshly watered flower bed by the temple wall. Did you pay someone to wash away the powder? We assumed it was a circle, and the FRBs charged forwards. Sometime later, closer inspection revealed a FT. So now, having wasted a bunch of time, we had a V check with a checkback (maybe) one way, and a FT the other. My head was reeling, but finally someone picked out some powder we hadn’t seen before and we set off, while most of the FRBs were still down the bottom of a hill wondering what the Fuck was going on.

I somehow got into the mix, with Cumalot and HRA and we hit a bit of a scramble with “QUIET” written at the bottom clearly by our hare. What did that mean? What were we doing? WTF? This was all new for me, I had a suspicion we were creeping through private property, and a shortwhile later when a pack of 20 vicious dogs were set on us, I think we were right. I had a stick to waft at them as I edged backwards. Crap Thai was escorting the rest of the hashers through a gate, while I held of the dogs like a hollywood action hero. Crap Thai and I ducked through the gate and slammed it shut in the face of the evil canine hoard, like Indiana Jones escaping with his hat.

Onwards, and there was a 2nd Wimp Rambo split. By chance I got there with HRA, and well, we talked each other into the Wimpier option. A wimpier option that promptly hit some devilishly difficult checks. The rambo runners were nearly upon us before we solved them. Finally we found trail and HRA led the way to the ONIN. HUH? ONIN? Where the fuck are we? I know this area, and I can’t figure out where my car is! A bit further and another ONIN… Huh? This was a road, so we were closer to home! A final ONIN to encourage us up the hill to the beers. Very nice set Rooter – very confusing, good use of regular stuff, and some clever mixes of stuff that was new to me. A well engineered run, a great circle, and fun ONONON.

5th December – CH3 – Liberace

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Libbers teamed up with Crap Thai, and headed to a favourite hunting ground out in Maejo at Praphats farm. This time the songthaew arrived in time and we were ready to go on time. The co-hare handed out torches like confetti which did nothing to improve our confidence! The eagerness at the start was lacking, and in the end it was Kwazi who broke into a run and got to the first check – only to stop and take a pee rather than actually check. With Sloppy heading left, I reluctantly headed right, and sure enough there was a check back. Damnit!

Back on trail, and I was at the back, but the next check (a cross) still hadn’t been solved. Brownie was put off from checking left as there was a gate with a sign saying keep out. Finally it was called from through the gate, although we hadn’t found a check back straight. It was a bit fishy, but fortunately I knew a way of bypassing the house with the keep out sign…. Unfortunately the way I knew was now overgrown and impossible to pass. I was forced to go back to the check, and I was way, way behind. For the rest of the trail there were nowhere near enough checks to give me any chance of getting back into it either. I overtook Frozen Dick and Tip Toe as we passed a random drunk guy ranting about how he would follow us if he hadn’t had a car crash – wtf? Next up Soapy was panting his way up a small incline.

I know the area pretty well, but Libbers did a great job of finding a trail that wasn’t familiar to me. We cut up the side of a hill on a little goat trail – perfectly hashable, except when you get stuck behind Does Nothing, Kwazi and Square Rooter. It was quite treacherous in places – steep cliff off to the side, but better than some trails we’ve been expected to survive. A nice loop and I was wondering where we would pop out. I met ABB on the descent and then Shrek, who both stuck on my heels as we tried to swing from tree to tree down the steep rocky goat trail. At the bottom was Pussy Whisperer and Cuckold, and then amazingly Frozen Dick and TipToe – excellent hashing! I figured there may be some good checks on the last stretch which might give me a chance to get back into it, and jogged off pausing briefly to retrieve Mr. Poo who was randomly wandering off in the wrong direction – I do wonder how often he does that…

I pushed off, but there were no checks, it was just trail across the motocross track, through an A-site that I like, and back to the OnIn on the far side of the lake. A nice route, but could have done with some more checks to keep people together, and give me a chance to catch up!

6th October – CH4 – Kwazi Moto

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Kwazi decided to set the run from Sleeps On It’s farm in Maejo. I was late – bloody student late for the exam today, and then I kindly waited for her to finish. When I got to the car I realised I didn’t have my shoes so had to go home on the way. We arrived as the pack poured out the gates, and Terror Byte jumped out to join the throng. Kwazi ambled over to give me a private hare brief while I changed. He was aiming for the “hare of the year” award…! Do we have an award like that?

I jogged off, and took a km or so to catch the pack. The trails out past Maejo interest me – there are some great trails there, but for most they are a bit far out to explore thoroughly. The start of the trail was familiar – the same as last time I was here, but the trail quickly turned north. The hare brief boasted only 100M for checks, but I dunno… these were definitely more than 100 long paces!

Tasty led the way up a hill, and Piggy joined in behind me as I tried to remind him where we were, and the last time we’d ran it. At the top, the virgin went left… ha! That was going back to the farm, it had to be right somewhere, and after TMB check 2 ways, and I checked a third, Piggy called us on at the 4th. Another circle, and I was 3rd to get there… Piggy went straight, TMB took the trail back to the right. I dithered, and dathered… OK I didn’t like the look of hacking my way to the left. Finally Alice called us on down to the left – excellent check hares, and my bad.

Tiredness was already kicking in, so I wasn’t going to push the checking too much, just using energy to stay with the pack. “7.5KM” was ringing in my ears. The wimp trail was marked off to the left, tempting, but I carried on. And then there was a fantastic trail with great views, before a hardcore descent when everyone was running hard letting gravity do the work. HRA took the lead with another nice check, and this was one of those ideal hashes where everyone was kept together by smart checks.

We got to a lake, and it was 50/50… To the left side, or the right side… I was wrong, as were most, and we were chasing HRA around the right side of the lake. Of course another check foiled him, and “Dancing Queen” took the lead. HRA screwed up when trail cut off sharply to the right, and then gleefully laughed his was as he short cut around a house to a circle…. Som Nam Na amigo, as he promptly got the next check wrong. Square Rooter was in the mix grinning away as he had a stadium view of what was going on up front.

The trails had been great, the checks great, the pack was together… Kwazi was definitely making himself a candidate for hare of the year, until the last km or so, when he gave up on trail, and just did a random shiggy hack to get back. Alice and Baldrick squealing like piglets trying to shake the ants off after the final barbed wire scramble. Finally the OnIn, and finally back… I could have done with a nap then…

26th September – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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A big congratulations to Mr. Poo as he is accepted into the Belly Dancer academy for hares who lost hashers in the dark on a mountain. At least it wasn’t raining… much… I slipped away from work and managed to make it to the hash – it was on my way home, so I really should make the effort! Over 2 months since I’ve been on the male hash, but I still wasn’t considered a returner – meh!

Behind the conference center, and we set off up the hill behind the temple. I seemed to be the only one running, and nailed the first couple of checks. The hares had tried to hide the paper on the trail beyond the barbed wire fence, but I could just about see a bit of white. The trail eventually turned left, and I so nearly checked there first, but was far enough ahead to get back, and find the trail, along with Square Rooter. Another circle, and we both thought Poo was heading towards the Boy Scout camp – typical Poo style! We checked further than we should have, and finally HRA called up the hill to the right. Damnit! My guts were screaming at me, and a Horny Monkey was definitely needed. I headed back slowly making sure the pack passed by, so I could find a quiet area.

I wasted around 5 minutes and thought I probably wouldn’t see the pack again. Climbed another hill, and came down to a nice flat trail – these trails are definitely more overgrown than last time I was up there! I rounded a corner and there was Piggy, along with just about everyone else. A stretch without paper had slowed everyone down and I was back with the pack, and lighter! We came out onto the main trail, and I recognised the junction where Diddly Squat and I met the army a few months ago. I was tired and figured it was time to head home, but the hare had other ideas…

Square Rooter called ONON from up the hill again – I’d already suggested to Piggy it was unlikely, but we followed the call… Well over 100m, but this trail was starting to get confusing. Another check, and suspicions were confirmed – we were now going backwards. I guessed a “Figure OF 8″…

Figure of 8 – it seems either works, figure of 8 or figure 8 – I’ve not heard it without the of before! but I much prefer this definition – HERE – go on, click the link!

As we were going backwards on trail, I suggested to HRA & Piggy that we continue and figure out what we were supposed to have done, so we carried on, calling “NoNo”. HRA & Piggy seemed completely confused when trail ran out, and then 100m later there was a circle with paper running off it. I tried to explain, but in the end gave up. HRA later said “I know we were running backwards on trail, but it just seemed like it was the wrong way…” <– Yes, perhaps Does Nothing’s juices had an effect? A while later, we found Alice, ABB and a bunch of others coming the other way (the correct way). By now light was fading, and it was time to head back, which was back along the trail. Kwazi wasn’t convinced, and persuaded Pussy Whisperer to follow the road out to the Boy Scout camp – bad idea! They arrived much later after Pussy Whisperer paid for a songthaew. Piggy, HRA, Alice & ABB listened to me and followed me back, passing Mr. Poo on trail as we finally finished his 6KM run – I stepped off the mountain just as it went black, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be out there even 2 minutes longer! Others weren’t so lucky, but fittingly Poo was the last one in. The circle was…. wtf?! A couple of mouthfuls of Does Nothing’s special blend, and Frozen was leading the drunkenness. I’m alive, everyone made it, and I think everyone has forgiven Poo! Let’s change the runtime before someone gets hurt!

August 25th – CH4 – Shagless & Doesn’t Get It

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Rainstorms the night before, but it cleared up nicely in time for the hash. I left work early, fearful of traffic, but made reasonable time along Sameong Road, and then left down a smaller road to a new runsite. I’ve never hashed from there before, but I did take a look at it once with HRA when we were planning the ballbreaker – I was interested what Shagless had in store for us! Gradually the cars arrived and crawled up the hill, and most of the regulars were there. Unfortunately there was one notable absence, I find it disappointing that a long time, regular hasher, who does so much for the club, has been made to feel so uncomfortable that they don’t want to participate in hash activities after being repeatedly slandered. The hash is a social club that accepts anyone to join, so long as all who join get into the spirit of it with a bit of a run, silly names, ice time and drinking games where we poke a bit of fun at each other. So it isn’t for everyone, no problem, but there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed and in the spirit of having fun at the hash, personal grievances should be settled outside.

Back to the run! After the harebrief, it began with a circle check! Graven Image would be livid! I can hear him now saying “checks are to bring the pack together, an early check just scatters the pack!”. We all know that Gravy likes to walk to the first check, so it would have been a short walk for him! Fortunately I’d spied an interesting little trail heading up the hill, and sure enough, the hares had found it too. I was way ahead as the rest of the pack had to come back from exploring the car park. I continued and found another check. Continue up the hill – hell I didn’t want to check down! Nothing, so I tried another option, still nothing, and we were called back down.

I jogged down the hill, for the first time breaking into a bit of a run, but I really just wasn’t in the mood. We got to a junction where there was no check, but paper appearing to go in 2 directions. Square Rooter was coming back from one calling false trail, while Taste My Buns was coming back from another completely different direction – where there was no trail, but she claimed to have seen a check back… WTF was going on? I later found out the check back was actually some powder marking from the wimp trail, that Shagless had set on his motorbike – riding a motorbike turns blobs of powder into lines! Why she was there, nobody can answer, but we quickly followed the other paper uphill to another check. I got it wrong, and rejoined the trail at the Wimp Rambo. This had been a really good trail so far, but I just wasn’t feeling it for whatever reason – long day at work? dodgy knee? whatever excuse fits the bill, I opted for the wimp trail.

Back down the hill, and some confusion at the bottom with an arrow leading to a V-Check. A V-Check where one trail lead onwards, while the other lead back into the Rambo run. Fortunately for me I chose the rest of the trail, but Does Nothing behind me was not so lucky! An interesting idea to rejoin the trails, but probably one that shouldn’t be attempted again! I meanwhile carried on and followed the trail out, getting 1 V-check wrong. Some really great trail here and I think we will be back at some point! Thanks hares!

23rd July – CSH3 – Does Nothing

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Behind the Ag Center – convenient from my office, until they put bloody student games on, and the roads were blocked solid. Damnit – I got there in time to unload beer, get changed, and listen to the hare brief.

We set off, along a familiar direction. An early circle check, and I left CW explaining how checks work to the visitors while I correctly guessed the right way. Around the corner and another check straight away. This time the paper was very close, and confusingly somewhat led us up a scramble, where the hare had clearly scouted thoroughly to find the most prickly trees to go past – the nicer route up was avoided.

I got another few checks right and things were going well as we headed up the hill. Uphill, ack… of course CW would catch me sooner or later, but seemed like we had a bit of a gap as there was a longish stretch without checks. Finally a circle check, and while CW went up, I headed down – always a risk, always best to protect the higher ground. Nonetheless, I headed down, and it didn’t look promising. The trail divided, and on my 3rd attempt I got it, but it seemed I was the only one checking down the hill. 100% record so far, but of course another check. My first instinct was to turn right and go down again, but that was too soon? surely? So I went straight and found nothing.

Back to the circle and CW called it from down the hill where I should have checked. All of a sudden I was in a traffic jam. A tiny trail with Square Rooter leading the way. All forms of politeness were used, and some less polite, but it was as though he was oblivious to his environment! Aaaargh! I’d been running well, and bam! The inevitable check by the waterfall, and from there I picked the main trail back, and popped out just in front of ABB. He seemed confused, but it seemed like a lot of the pack were already back and tucking into so special Carlsberg. Nice run!

11th July – CH3 – BMY

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And so to Doi Saket. Cats and dogs for much of the day so this hasher was looking forward to some mucky soup to run in. Would he be disappointed? No time to linger before the off today and the shifty looking hare was spare in his brief and sent us off quickly to wallow in the “terrible gleaming mudcunt of mother” Thailand.

I can’t remember much about the early part of the run but paper arrived quickly and the dirt roads felt just right. What’s the ground speed velocity of an unladen chaparral cock? Pretty fast I think and roughly what Kwazi Moto was doing early on. Getting checks right and speeding along took him way ahead of the pack as far as the rice fields. Now, I remember someone somewhere, probably today’s hare, said that rice fields were out of bounds, but not today apparently and on on. Across a well-manicured lawn with water buffalo and a screaming peacock. And past a genial buffer pottering about unconcerned with a pack of hashers disturbing his peace and quiet. Even with one leg calf-deep in the mire Square Rooter took time to comment on the pastoral beauty. Boy, Doi Saket is real pretty after the rain.

Anyhow, after reeling in Kwazi I found myself slightly ahead of ABB and Pigshit and pressed on alone at a fair old clip. Then promptly got the next two checks wrong. The pack was together again. Up a gentle incline and along some Tarmac following Sloppy Rod only to see the hare kerbcrawling towards us. Did he think we were lost, or what? Further up the pack was together again. “Whaddyaagot…?! bellowed an impatient Kwazi to Sloppy, interfering with his sterling yet wrong work of checking.

Was crossing the road next? I was ahead at this circle check and chose right, and wrong as it happened, going at least 300 meters so convinced was I that this was the direction home. Futile. In fact the A bucket was in the opposite direction. From some distance I could see the hare in his truck and one Square Rooter slipping away from said truck on up to the moo ban. Of course I continued straight only to meet ABB coming back. That’s me buggered then. Third time lucky and up the slope we go.

At the top Rooter came across a sheaf of white paper strips on the ground. What to make of this? Could be some cunning stunt on the part of the hare. Rooter directed me on a wild goose chase and when I was a good distance on this chase he called On! On! And then I heard at least one more On! called from another direction. Bone Smoker got it. We were on our way. Very pleasing trails from there on in. With just enough barking canines to give Kwazi the willies!

Was the trail too mushy for this hasher? Naa, just about right. A thoughtful set that kept wimps and runners together for the duration. And what with no freaking never ending hill climbs I’m probably not alone in thinking we might have enjoyed a further couple of K of the same. NIce work.

(Courtesy Cuckold)

4th July – CH3 – Team USA

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Kwazi, Frozen & Rooter teamed up for a USA themed run. How many hares does it take to fuck up a run? 5 o’clock came, and went… Apparently we were waiting for Sloppy Rod… Finally we climbed aboard the songthaew and set off to the B. It was a B->A. I am in favour of runs that aren’t just circles, but I much prefer an A->B, than a B->A… The logistics are the same either way – transport is either needed at the start, or at the end, but with A->B, we don’t know where we are trying to get to which makes the checks much harder. The thought of an A->B was too much for Horny Monkey, Does Nothing and Sunspot, who chose to walk along the dam for a bit. The rest of us finally got started on the run around 5:30. Thankfully it is getting dark late (I should remember that next week!)

It kicked off with some temple steps, but only around 100. And then a virtual check at the top. Sloppy went right, back down the hill, Lollipop (long time returner) went left, and I carried on straight up the hill. Not far along I spotted a bright orange rimping plastic bag dangling from a tree in front of me. Nice I thought… I jogged up, and this was the unique aspect of the run. Rather than calling On-On, we were to set fire to some fire crackers. I pulled the bag down, and inspected the contents. I have never set fire to fire crackers before, and had no idea what bit I should set fire to. Frankly I avoid town during Loi Kratong, at least in part because it scares me. I gingerly set fire to the paper, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. I was trying to get into the spirit, so called HRA over to help – he didn’t really know what to do either. CW was approaching, but just before he got there HRA figured out we needed to set fire to the string. Bang bang bang bang – we were off, UP UP UP UP!

We pressed on, steep up a hill that I’d scouted a couple of weeks ago, and decided against using. These hares were pushing on to the top. That much was clear to me, but we did run out of paper and struggled for a while to find trail again. Very hard to follow the odd bit of paper buried in bushes when we are scrambling through the brush. Not to worry, I got to the top, and a trail – off to the left a circle, so I was going right, and sure enough another bright orange bag! Many of the checks were visible a long way off, but the fire crackers did make a fun difference. I got the hang of lighting them, and collected lighters as I nailed a few checks – seriously I was thinking of setting something similar next Monday, but will go to Doi Saket instead.

Another check, and a nice little trail that cut down to the right, and then we were on the main trail. A long, long stretch without checks. :( I pushed as hard as I could, but CW & Piggy closed me down. As they swept past I struggled to get my pacing back together. I expected us to drop down into the valley to run it out, but instead the hares kept us on top of the ridgeline, and surprised me with the final descent – I will remember that one for sure!

20th June – CH3 – Square Rooter

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Behind the Ag Center… Having picked up HRA, I did my first short cut of the day by ignoring the run directions and cutting behind Doi Khum. The usual runsite, and immediately we thought we knew what was going to happen – Up / Across / Down – just a matter of picking which up, and which down… Hare brief delivered he pointed us off to the left and CW and I scampered off. A small trail to the right had me looking, and I caught a glance of something white, leaving CW to continue to the False Trail, while I led the likes of Kwazi to the paper. The 2nd check though had me scrambling up a trail that quite recently was quite passable, but today was overgrown shiggy. Fortunately I made it through to the wider trail, and heard Kwazi calling On to my right. I ran down as he found another check. Now it was Cuckold leading the way as we ran along the bottom of the hill, eventually getting to the waterfall cafe – SR had managed to cut off all the trails heading up and down the hill – so where was this run heading?

The pack was all together as finally we found which trail we were going to use. Rooter had dragged branches across the entrance as his haring trademark. So finally we were heading up, and again Kwazi managed to get on trail ahead of us leading us up to the “main trail”. Of course it would be up from here and CW was the first to head up. Piggy bravely went down the steep hill, and I was as surprised as anyone when he started calling ON. Back down again? Where the hell was this headed?

Crawling through bamboo at the bottom, CW and I caught Piggy and got first choice at the circle after the Wimp Rambo split. I know this area well, and still wasn’t sure where we were headed. Another check, and I was completely wrong again – following CW up the hill expecting to have to cross back over anti clockwise to the left. Still recovering from sickness, I was spent and sorely tempted to head back. Back on trail I was between Kwazi and Bone Smoker. At another V it finally dawned on me where he was taking us! Genius – I’d completely forgotten this loop – it’s been years since we did that trail. I took the plunge and after a short gap between paper, I found trail a little ahead of CW, heading back down the hill to the OnIn.

Good set – cheers SR.

21st June – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Some 10km along the Sameong Road, and I was dashing to make it there on time. Just in time to collect the money, which didn’t take long, there were only 17 hashers, including 3 visitors. The lowest turn out I can remember for a CSH3. Not to worry, we would set off to see what Cool Balls had put together.

After the hare brief, he pointed UP. Straight up a mud trail / road that seemed to go on forever. Chuckie and I discussed strategy and were hoping Sloppy Rod & None of Your Business would pull their weight at the checks. One of the visitors also looked like he might be up with us – his name ‘Pleasantly Average’ apparently described his cock, but also fitted his running style – he quickly fell into a circle guarding role.

Anyway, after 500m or so of steady climbing up, we were starting to wonder if we were going to get any checks. We needed a break, and Chuckie needed to tie his shoes. Finally a Cross Check, and of course, I picked wrong. Shortly after a circle, and this time the paper was a LONG, LONG way from the check, with NOYB finally picking it after we’d given up checking along that way. Of course, it was the trail that headed UP again.

We’d gained 100m or so in elevation by this point, so NOYB checked down at the next check, while I scrambled up a steep bank towards a forest line. No OnOn call from anywhere else, but I was giving up hope when finally I spotted paper. I don’t think anyone wanted to follow me, and I heard that some short cut here. We’d gone from 382m elevation at the start to 559m elevation in 1.6km – 180 metres climb! Surely we could start our way down now?

Trail was hard to follow through the trees, and Sloppy caught me up by the next check, and sure enough we started down at last. A confusing check, as ONON calls were echoing around the valley, and the trail zig zagged down through a resort. I was left with the miserable view of Chuckie, Sloppy and NOYB racing off from way below me, and no easy way of getting down to them, without the long zig zags – even Big Top and Square Rooter were ahead!

It was hot, I was sweaty, I was tired… After 41minutes, the trail started going up again – up and in the wrong direction. I thought better of it, and when I crossed a little bridge I found Sloppy checking back towards me. A neat short cut, and shortly after I found the paper, again heading UP a ridge. I knew the trail I’d been on headed around that, so I let Chuckie lead the way up there, and intercepted Sups for some intelligent hashing. Within 30m we were back on paper, and heading back down the hill towards the A.

Finally we hit the main road, but rather than taking us along the road, the hare(s) had put us along the side of a little canal – tricky trail, but much better than the road. Back across the road, and we were close to the finish. An hour’s run. A TOUGH hour’s run. As much as I don’t like hills, this was a great set, and the hare (despite not scouting) had clearly put a lot of effort into it – too bad there wasn’t much support from the hashing community.