Tag Archives: None of Your Business

3rd December – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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The Poos teamed up for another run near the football field – this time the A site was to the left near Tintin’s restaurant. A large crowd had already gathered when I arrived, but as the harebrief came, I felt sick – so sick that I ducked out of sight to deposit my lunch. I walked off following the pack – a pack kept tightly together by some excellent early checks. There was a point where everyone was following Superman and Tiptoe through a challenging little scramble. Finally the FRBs were set free and had a longish run stretch. First Brownie leading, and then Tasty, and then Piggy got a check right as we headed into the hills crossing paper that we had followed on Thursday. I couldn’t quite catch a break as next it was Graven’s turn for a go at the front. I seemed to be just off the pace and it was NOYB that nailed the check when we started heading down. All of a sudden he had a lot of energy and I chased after him, only to get 2nd choice at the next check and be wrong.

A circle check by barbed wire fence, and the leaders went left on the obvious trail, while the next group milled around. I got there with Turkish, and went down the bank to where I remember a little trail was hidden away. Sure enough Turkish called ONON, and Mr. 300 was surely on his way to victory? Only to hit a false trail. We turned back and spread out onto the hillside looking for tiny blobs of powder that could be anywhere. Turkish and I emerged to a bit of a clearing, and sure enough the cars were in view just along a little trail. NOYB followed us, and it was a few minutes before the rest of the pack appeared with Crap Thai leading them in on true trail. Nice set – a more sensible distance after the collection of 8km runs we’ve had recently.

21st June – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Some 10km along the Sameong Road, and I was dashing to make it there on time. Just in time to collect the money, which didn’t take long, there were only 17 hashers, including 3 visitors. The lowest turn out I can remember for a CSH3. Not to worry, we would set off to see what Cool Balls had put together.

After the hare brief, he pointed UP. Straight up a mud trail / road that seemed to go on forever. Chuckie and I discussed strategy and were hoping Sloppy Rod & None of Your Business would pull their weight at the checks. One of the visitors also looked like he might be up with us – his name ‘Pleasantly Average’ apparently described his cock, but also fitted his running style – he quickly fell into a circle guarding role.

Anyway, after 500m or so of steady climbing up, we were starting to wonder if we were going to get any checks. We needed a break, and Chuckie needed to tie his shoes. Finally a Cross Check, and of course, I picked wrong. Shortly after a circle, and this time the paper was a LONG, LONG way from the check, with NOYB finally picking it after we’d given up checking along that way. Of course, it was the trail that headed UP again.

We’d gained 100m or so in elevation by this point, so NOYB checked down at the next check, while I scrambled up a steep bank towards a forest line. No OnOn call from anywhere else, but I was giving up hope when finally I spotted paper. I don’t think anyone wanted to follow me, and I heard that some short cut here. We’d gone from 382m elevation at the start to 559m elevation in 1.6km – 180 metres climb! Surely we could start our way down now?

Trail was hard to follow through the trees, and Sloppy caught me up by the next check, and sure enough we started down at last. A confusing check, as ONON calls were echoing around the valley, and the trail zig zagged down through a resort. I was left with the miserable view of Chuckie, Sloppy and NOYB racing off from way below me, and no easy way of getting down to them, without the long zig zags – even Big Top and Square Rooter were ahead!

It was hot, I was sweaty, I was tired… After 41minutes, the trail started going up again – up and in the wrong direction. I thought better of it, and when I crossed a little bridge I found Sloppy checking back towards me. A neat short cut, and shortly after I found the paper, again heading UP a ridge. I knew the trail I’d been on headed around that, so I let Chuckie lead the way up there, and intercepted Sups for some intelligent hashing. Within 30m we were back on paper, and heading back down the hill towards the A.

Finally we hit the main road, but rather than taking us along the road, the hare(s) had put us along the side of a little canal – tricky trail, but much better than the road. Back across the road, and we were close to the finish. An hour’s run. A TOUGH hour’s run. As much as I don’t like hills, this was a great set, and the hare (despite not scouting) had clearly put a lot of effort into it – too bad there wasn’t much support from the hashing community.

17th May – CSH3 – Square Rooter

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Square Rooter teamed up with Sloppy Rod from my least favourite runsite – the park near the zoo. Sure enough he sent us off up the side of the waterfall with the prospect of a Wimp/Rambo ahead. The first circle check was a no brainer and I stepped ahead of Chuckie to make sure I picked up trail up the hill. Sure enough we were heading up, until we ran out of paper by a pile of ripped off strips. We called looking and carried on up the side of the waterfall – being a popular area, it seemed like the trail might have been sabotaged. It had, but it turned out we’d gone through a V check, and the pile of paper was what was left of the check back. Behind us NOYB was leading the way on true trail, while myself, Chuckie, Turkish and Lumberjackoff carried on up the hill.

With no trail to be found, we hit the main road, and turned right to head down the hill along the main road. Surely we would find trail at somepoint? It was a long way down, and a long way around, but finally I spotted some paper on a tree, and sure enough a circle check (as yet unbroken) at the side of the road. We carried on down the hill – not On. Back up the hill and there was Tasty Buns and NOYB coming out of the temple. Over the road a trail headed down and there we found paper, finally we were back hashing.

After a longer than needed climb, and a long run down the road, I was just trying to keep up as CW set the pace up front. A few more circles and then nothing… A check, but no trail for a long, long way – until we found the hares still setting the in trail. They’d been so worried about having lost a bunch of hashers that they’d forgotten to set the end of the trail.

Again the trail ran out at the road, so Turkey and I just ran on in for a beer. Had we been able to follow the trail, I think it would have been a nice set – some interesting flattish trails discretely hidden at the foot of the mountain, only something got lost in the hare”brief”. Something was also lost when the hares forgot about JC’s 700th run.

1st May – CH4 – HRA

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The new CH4 runday, the new CH4 runtime – who would show up? how many? I arrived early, missing the traffic from work, and past Frozen Dick & Microwave getting some extra exercise on the way to the run – on their bikes. Microwave set off for a bit of a recce to find some trail. Turned out around 30 or so hashers showed up, one of the larger CH4 turn outs for a while. It was nice to see Ninja, Taste my Buns, Beautiful Box join us, and I’m sure there were some guys too – oh yeah, Sups was there. Not a bad start!

Eventually HRA let us have a hare brief and set us off. So called virgin trails – ha! Anyway, we set off and Chuckie and I walked for a while before starting a jog and eventually getting to the first check together. One of us should check left, buuuut… nah… Unlikely! So we carried on and found trail. I’ve never been to the left there, but nor has there ever been a hash set to the left there – I figure it’s a dead end! The next check we had to split up, and I opted for the regular route to the left. Somehow it was None of Your Business that found the 3rd choice and called us on. He led the way for a while as we headed into the hills. I enjoyed following Knock Out, Ninja and Itchy up the hill, and as we got to the top I caught up at a sneaky False Trail that was omitted from the hare brief.

We followed old trails up a ridgeline, and another circle check was surely going to take the trail up the the buddha statue on the hill… Nope? Seriously? He wanted to take us down to the gully? Damn! A circle check at the bottom of the hill, had me guessing it was to the left. I followed Itchy for a few paces before LumberJackOff called from the other direction. Where was it going? Turns out he was calling on old paper. Sure enough we were back up the hill, back to the trail by the little buddha statue – I could have saved myself the down and up if I’d just gone with my original theory. What the hell, we descended quickly to another familiar runsite.

Chuckie went further to the right – further away from home, while I mossied around a couple of trails, only to find Pigshit looking at some paper! He’d been absent all trail and then showed up ahead – had he spent some time at Graven’s private hashing school??? We charged down the hill to the Wimp Rambo split – a glance at the watch and it was already nearly 45 minutes – did we need the rambo option? Ugh, being first there, I guess I should do it…

Next circle check and I am a complete fucking moron. I should know the area better than that, but found myself checking out on a peninsula, while Graven’s favourite padawan called “RU?” from the other side of the lake, mockingly, like a blind man who really hadn’t seen the trail he was following! 😉 Back on trail, and back with the pack, somehow Taste my Buns was up front – nice running! We climbed through a barbed wire fence, while Horny took the arduous route over a tall gate. Down the road – we were homing in on the A. Taste my Buns was leading the way, and bizarrely she went right at another circle check – that wasn’t going anywhere. Chuckie alongside, and only Lumber Jack Off lumbering ahead, I made my move… We were nearly home, everything was falling into place, one more check, turn left and we are back in…. Except it wasn’t left, it was straight on… and coming back from 150m or so I was back behind None Of Your Business! He looked over his shoulder, saw me, started running, looked at his watch, figured it was too far, and the lazy boy gave up.

We had an extra loop around, but it was all kicked out as I came through, having the luxury of watching Chuckie and Horny congratulate each other as they found the final check and hence the OnIn.

Rain for the circle temporarily moved us up the hill to shelter, and then back to the the original site for a delayed, but entertaining circle.

6th April – CH4 – BMY & CW

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It was the day after BMY and Big Top’s fabulous “mini” ball breaker (circa 15k = mini???) and I was looking forward to an easy, scenic hangover run through some of the beautiful countryside we are so blessed to find in abundance surrounding Chiang Mai.
Dr Byte and Chucky Whoooooooooooo had promised us something special – a live hare run to impress the many visitors who had joined us on the Sunday Happy Hash as a precursor to the celebratory 1000th CH3 run on Monday.
All through the previous week, the hares had suggested some charming hills and complementary flat trails – Chucky the supremo uphill gardener haring the hilly bits and Byte making sure we didn’t get to deploy the KY gel on the flat bits.
And so, after convincing our visitors on the songthaew they were in for a treat, it was a bit of a surprise when we arrived at the A site – a concrete shell of a house on a large dusty building site full of similarly incomplete, ghost-grey structures. Not to worry I thought, the lush green hills were only a short distance away. Surely we would be heading in that promising direction . . .?
The hare brief was suitably brief, with BMY suggesting the girls set off 10 seconds after the hares and the men a full 20 minutes after . . . mooh-ha-ha-ha! But the girls didn’t fancy the idea for some unimaginable reason and we all headed out on the chase after the obligatory five minutes had elapsed.
Belly Dancer spurted forth like a lame hippo in a tutu straight towards the main trail leading up into the hills, ignoring the paper trail the hares had set. Did he have inside info? Or had he been “misinformed” by the devious hares? Sadly it turned out to be the latter. The trail led us out into an open expanse of fields where a centrally placed circle check had us checking left towards the hills. But alas, the hares, intent on fucking over the FRBs at any cost and ensuring their own anal virginity – well at least for the purposes of this run – turned right, right back into the construction site via an un-happy-hash-like gully where I was fortunate enough to be on hand to give Itchy and Sleepsy a hand down and then a conveniently placed hand back up again – mooh-ha-ha-ha.
More grey dust trails, past more grey shell houses and over a familiar main road; and then we reached the familiar criss-cross warren of running trails used by the local fitness community. Good flat running trails. Many checks to hold us back. Lots of puffing and panting after yesterday’s “marathon”.
And then we emerged from the rabbit’s maze onto a flat, grassy field – it somehow reminded me of Newmarket race course – and back to the main, main road, where the trail led us back to the main road that we had previously crossed.
A long tarmac run; but this was Skid Mark territory and he rightly predicted the old favourite under-the-fence hole. So under we went and were thankfully off the tarmac and back on a dirt trail, the one with the familiar sneaky offshoot to the right, the one leading back to the building site and the A.
I followed the trail to the concrete fence surrounding the building site until I hit a false trail check back. So it was up and over the fence. None of Your Business found the trail on the other side and was first home, punching the air with obvious delight. There were a few stragglers but nothing to cause concern as the reliable Tip Toe was on hand to lead them on and in. Welcome back big man!
Great circle hares, but Big Top was probably right when she said that had it been any hash other than the Happy Hash, you would both have had willies over your heads for the tarmac and dust content of the run. But what do we care – this is the Happy Hash, right? Who needs willies when simple wit and humour will more than suffice?
As with most Happy Hash circles and on-ons (this time at the magnificent Sheryl’s), the magical blend of beer, good-natured splashes, fine food and welcome camaraderie, cast its spell upon us all and all thought and talk of the run eventually dispersed into a delightful alcoholic fog.
Good job hares! But I wonder what would have happened had None of Your Business caught Dr Byte before the end of the run . . . mooh-ha-ha-ha?????!!!!!
Ah, I do so love the Happy Hash!

23rd March – CH4 – None of Your Business

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So the boy went out to set his first haring, good on you my son! He could have chosen anyone to be co-hare, and he chose Horny Monkey… wtf? At first glance it seems like a strange decision – seriously? out of all the hashers you picked Horny? On reflection, it’s genius… If it is a crap run, he can easily blame Horny for not letting him do a good one…. If it’s a good one, he can say he set a good run even with Horny holding him back!

They went out to scout on Tuesday, and then laid trail today. On Tuesday there was a performance where they suggested it was going to be “Steep”. I nominate Game Set and Snatch for an oscar, and within moments I doubted we would be going up the hill. Suspecting the lower trails, it was a challenge to get some more info from Noyb. He’s normally coy and cagy, but he was clearly excited, and started to open up! With a few probing questions I knew we would be going over the dam by the Kalae Rest restaurant, and over the wall by the gate that would be closed by the time we got there. He had even told me there was only one more check after we got to the junction where the road turns to the left and the trail goes straight on (in turned out that was where the false trail that ultimately thwarted me was).

An elaborate hare brief covered most of the checks that would be ahead of us. The only one they didn’t mention was the H3 hold check – where we are supposed to wait for 3 people to get there? As it wasn’t mentioned in the hare brief, and I was the first one there, I just kicked it out and carried on (yes I confess!).

We started with a deathly scramble down the waterfall, and hit the road. Chuckie behind me predicting what was going on – it’s his old hunting ground too. The first false trail was predictable, and then we headed straight towards the lake – I knew there was a chuckie check near the lake so he could through the sticks into it. I got a couple of checks wrong early on, but when Chuckie went up the hill to another predictable false trail, I led the way to the check on the dam. I carried on, and then when it was called went the long (but quicker) way around along the road. Intercepting trail again, I led the way up some steps, confusing the short cutters that followed Turkish Delight (welcome to Sundays TD).

From there it was straight to the gate, over the wall and back along the trail. Why oh why did he put the false trail at the end??? Why would he do that to me?

Nice job.

17th March – CH3 – Horny Monkey

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Horny had us back at his current favourite run area behind the Green Valley golf course. A slightly different runsite, but entrapped by the river & the golf course, we were sure to be hitting the same trails sooner or later. Apparently he found the runsite when he got a flat tyre and got lost. Anyway with Dogshit to help him, he took us out towards some rice fields. After a quick loop around we were quickly grumbling about damaging the crops.

The hares were waiting for us, to insist that we should run more through the fields and cause more damage to the already poor farmers. Gingerly we made our way along to find that the reason for the rice field was to avoid 100m or so of road. When we did hit the road, it became a feature with plenty more road to come. At a circle check I was wrong heading to the left, and when I rejoined the pack checking in a field, it was None of Your Business that suddenly sprinted off and then started calling 20m or so later. His gleeful gait was short lived though as he got the next check 180 degrees wrong, and we didn’t see him again.

We got to the same area that Horny set his last 2 runs, and as I caught Skiddy we both ducked off to the left leaving Graven, Brownie and Chuckie to collect the Skiddy sticks. A bit more of a loop around and we were heading back towards the road, and towards the A site. Sure enough, Horny loved the road so much, that he let us run on it twice! A Long Long Long stretch on the road had Chuckie & Gravy resort to walking.

16th March – CH4 – Chuck Wao

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Finally a Chuckie run on a Sunday – again it was described as ‘serviceable’. We were just north of the 700 year stadium at a moobaan favoured by Horny Monkey – familiar trails, but perhaps a different take on it?

I set off with Brownie, and were back along the road I’d just driven in along the canal. Strange – I’m pretty sure this doesn’t go anywhere, and no sooner had I figured it out, as we ran straight into a back check. Not the best of starts – we turned and followed Humperdick along the road that takes us towards the hills – even though we were close to the hills, we couldn’t exactly see them because of the pollution.

The trail headed off to the left – Horny Monkey and I eyed the trail briefly before deciding it would be a dead end, carrying on to find true trail moments before Humperdick found the false one. A few circle checks had us tied up in knots around the lake behind the stadium, and then we were on some nice trails. Construction work is tearing up part of the hillside, so it was a little unfamiliar. We scrambled down a steep drop, only to have to climb up the otherside. After a circle check there was more climbing, with None of Your Business scampering ahead. When a nice looking path headed off to the right, I yet again dodged a false trail, and in no time we were down onto the trail that runs along the bottom of the hill.

Everybody guessed to the right, to head back to home, but it just felt a little too soon, so on my own I checked along to the left. With no calls from behind me, I checked harder, and I was on! The trail headed up to a waterfall – definitely not going to be that way at this point – another false trail dodged. We knew we had to head into the rice fields, and I was lucky to get the right route in. Across the fields to the moobaan, and the hare had found a neat way of bypassing it, taking us back out onto the canal road to come in.

While the run had started precisely on time, and the FRB (me) was in in almost exactly 45 minutes, the circle was someone on the tardy side getting started, so the hash cash feared we’d go bankrupt.

30th Dec – CH3 – SkidMark

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Before New Year it was time for a “Fressfest”… Despite my German, this was a new word for my vernacular, but I guessed from the promotion it had something to do with food… Apparently this is how you pronounce it!


Anyway, before the food there was the run… After 7+km on Sat, and again on Sunday, we were hoping for something manageable, but Skiddy figured we’d need more Ball Breaker training and gave us a 7+km work out! My legs were weary before we set off, but as None of Your Business had done some pre-run scouting, we had to make sure Brownfinger did the false trail at the first check. After that I hung back and let someone else do the checks for a change. Through the rice fields it was heavy / slow going, and eventually we spotted Skiddy’s car standing out across the paddies, and the next 10 minutes or so was working our way towards it.

I grabbed a beer and ambled off slowly following the pack across the fields. Skiddy told me to get a move on otherwise I’d be in in the dark, but whatever, my legs weren’t responding. Up ahead it looked like None of Your Business was working with Brown Finger to find the checks, but with the slow going the group was staying close together. I finished my beer and tried to get my legs moving – damn it was hard work, but I could sense the desperation from NOYB – competitive Dad kicked in… The pace increased and I stuck to around 100m behind the leaders, to let them do the work. Finally the last check, and nobody went over the obvious ‘Skiddy Bridge’. WTF? “OnOn”… “OnIn”… “Sorry Son!”

Great circle that proved that sometimes longer circles can work, so long as there is good material! After the circle it was OnOnOn to Guenthers for a great (but not cheap) buffet – so that’s what a Fressfest is!! 😀

7th December – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Why does Cool Balls hate us? We were lacking some of the FRBs away at the male outstation, but we’d be fine. When I arrived at the runsite, no one was there, and ominously it was the place Big Top had picked for her highway run a few weeks before. I was confident Cool Balls would put something decent together – until I heard that he only found out he was hare the day before… Uhoh!

I jogged off with Brown Finger, and we tagged our way through the first few checks, with Big Top, None of Your Business and Humperdick just behind. The trail was up, and when I say trail, I am being generous. It was a scramble through jesus trees, with the occasional bit of paper to encourage us we might get out of it alive! Somehow we hit a road in the middle of nowhere and ran up it. I hit a 200m checkback off a V check, and never saw Brown Finger again.

I could hear him ahead from time to time, but the checks needed to be broken again, and soon enough None of Your Business, Humperdick and I think Crap Thai joined me at a check that really shouldn’t have been as hard as I found it! I checked all over before I followed NOYB down a steep hack. NOYB took off like a pubescent kid trying to outrun his Dad for the first time – an ambition that was just beyond him this time… 😉

I’ve spent a bunch of time (>80km) scouting for the Ball Breaker, and I’ve ruled out “trails” that were much better than this! Perhaps I should re-evaluate? 😉