Tag Archives: Knock Out

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

29th December – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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Shhhhhhhh! Something is stirring in the weird and wonderful world of Chiang Mai hashing. Something totally unexpected and totally marvellous to behold. No, I am not talking about the ‘second coming’ of Turkish delight to the Happy Hash, I am referring to the growing but yet unsubstantiated belief that we are now beginning to set much longer hash runs, and we are somehow able to run them faster, much faster, despite our advancing age profile.

Now I recall the time, not so long ago, when hares on one particular hash were advised/instructed by one particular GM, perhaps on the advice/instructions of a former GM or two of the same hash, to set hash runs at around 5k, suitable for runners and walkers alike, no need for a Wimp/Rambo split. But now it seems that this learned, insightful advice is being rapidly chipped away from that particular tablet of stone.

But is it in fact true? Are we running longer and faster? Well, according to my own data since returning to Chiang Mai at the end of October this year, yes, indeed it appears to be so. Runs of 5-6k have increased generally to 7-8k, and during November and December, before this Happy Hash, I have recorded runs at 7.59, 8.09, 8.69 and 8.89k at average speeds of up to 10.3k.

So then, it was with curiosity and post Christmas cheer that I joined the merry throng of many hashers for Prof Byte and Human X’s seasonal offering. Could it be that they too would continue the trend of longer runs? Would we hashers be able to keep up the increased tempo? Well it all started very seasonably, if not a little disturbingly, with a seasonably merry (drunk?????) Byte giving a hare brief about a run he couldn’t remember setting. Excellent example for Human X on his long-awaited co-hare debut! Suddenly, Byte somehow remembered that he had forgotten to put out paper for the false trails – if indeed there were any false trails – and with the inebriated bum still handing out strips of paper to the FRB’s just in case there were false trails out there, we all headed out on trail.


Now I am going to say here that Byte always, well almost always, manages to set a very good trail, particularly for the FRB’s who like the challenge of a well placed check or two. And this trail was no exception. I have to say also that although we were running from a well-used A site area, most of the trails were new to me and I very quickly became disorientated by the hares’ clever tricks of the trade – three successive false trails, WTF?

The trails were for the most part great for running, wide dirt trails and single forest trails interspersed with some unwelcome but probably unavoidable hard-top. I must admit, I got most of the checks completely, ashamedly wrong! Nice job hares, you bastards! And now to the speed of hashers on trail. We seem to have attracted some very good runners lately so that the FRB pack is growing. Lizard Gizzard is always out at the front and is of an age where running at our old-age pace is a breeze for his youthful physique. And we had new blood, James, and a returning visitor who called himself ‘No Name’. With some coaching, virgin James helped out with the checks from the off, as did No Name, until James got frightened by a couple of yappy dogs and jumped screaming into the open arms of Knockout for protection. So even without the likes of Piggy and Chucky, we still had the likes of Buns, Gravy, Sloppy, Scooby, Poo, Gizzard, James and No Name helping up front and definitely pushing the pace, which for me came in at a 9.1k average. Not quite the 10.3k average achieved on a previous run, but certainly pretty fast for this run and for hashing in general, I would say. Lets hope that James and No Name hang around for a while, sure would be welcome additions to our little hashing community.

Oh yes, nearly forgot Turkish Delight’s frantic efforts to drag himself through a whole heap of shiggy-shit that was blocking his way on one of his infamous short-cutting expeditions. It was a thing of beauty to behold and to hear his yells and screams of pain as we passed him bye almost without a single word of encouragement. “Die, you bastard.” was all Gravy could offer in that regard, or words to that effect.

As for the distance, well it was even longer than longer. For me, a full 10k hash run, set without a Wimp / Rambo split, although some form of short cut option was offered at some point, or so it was said. And nobody complained, smiles all round, especially from James who had his head up Knockout’s shirt when they eventually arrived back at the A, apparently still hiding from those pesky yapping dogs. Yeah, right! Great hasher in the making! And Lizard Gizzard wasn’t at all worried by his girl’s late arrival because he has her followed by a tracking app so he knows exactly where she is every single second of every single day. Creepy, man. Mr Poo is going to get one to keep track of Knockout, or so he says.

Funny circle conducted by prof Byte was washed down by free hash beer. In fact the entire event was free to one and all, courtesy of our always happy, Happy Hash Hash Cash. Nice one, Gravy, and nice one Prof Byte and particularly Human X who’s hair continues to impress us all.

Ball Breaker next week? If our normal runs are reaching 10k, god knows how long the BB will be. Let’s hope its a good one whatever the distance :-)

22nd December – CH4 – Suckit

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Suckit & Itchy teamed up, but this time from along Sameong road – I guess they were fed up of everyone else setting runs through their house 11km south? There were 2 songthaews and a large Happy hash group – the club is growing strong, we might need to buy more chairs!

We set off with Poo, Angry and I mixing up the start like a cycling peloton. Until the first check, when I was wrong. Finally it was called from the right, and I turned back only to see KO stood behind me with a look of distress. At first I thought she was just really disappointed to get the check wrong, but then I discovered she just wanted me to get out the way so she could take a pee! After another check I caught up, and sure enough promptly got the next check wrong – damnit! We ran over to the edge of the large quarry. A 50/50 chance, left or right. I didn’t think they would go around the quarry, so picked right. I didn’t get far before I was called to the left. I decided to take it easy for a bit, expecting the hill in the near future. The hill didn’t appear, instead, the pack just sprinted away…


Seriously, this was a fast paced hash – wtf was going on? My splits were reasonable, but I was back behind Kwazi! I decided to put some effort in, and tried to push for a couple of km. Sub 6 minute kms, and I didn’t seem to be making any ground. When I past Sex Pistol, she was equally flummoxed. The pace was very fast for a hash run. I wasn’t even close enough to hear any calls, I just plodded on through neatly kicked out checks. I wasn’t plodding though, I was pushing it, but seemed to be making no progress – amazing pace from the FRBs today!

I finally caught up by the small quarry lake beneath the temple, but a couple that checked the wrong way breezed past me and I gave in, steadying off to a jog walk. Only really running again when trying to explain to Blows Herself that we don’t overtake after the OnIn..!

Cheers Suckit – a deceptive trail that clearly fooled me more than anyone else, and was definitely a fast running trail.

3rd December – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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The Poos teamed up for another run near the football field – this time the A site was to the left near Tintin’s restaurant. A large crowd had already gathered when I arrived, but as the harebrief came, I felt sick – so sick that I ducked out of sight to deposit my lunch. I walked off following the pack – a pack kept tightly together by some excellent early checks. There was a point where everyone was following Superman and Tiptoe through a challenging little scramble. Finally the FRBs were set free and had a longish run stretch. First Brownie leading, and then Tasty, and then Piggy got a check right as we headed into the hills crossing paper that we had followed on Thursday. I couldn’t quite catch a break as next it was Graven’s turn for a go at the front. I seemed to be just off the pace and it was NOYB that nailed the check when we started heading down. All of a sudden he had a lot of energy and I chased after him, only to get 2nd choice at the next check and be wrong.

A circle check by barbed wire fence, and the leaders went left on the obvious trail, while the next group milled around. I got there with Turkish, and went down the bank to where I remember a little trail was hidden away. Sure enough Turkish called ONON, and Mr. 300 was surely on his way to victory? Only to hit a false trail. We turned back and spread out onto the hillside looking for tiny blobs of powder that could be anywhere. Turkish and I emerged to a bit of a clearing, and sure enough the cars were in view just along a little trail. NOYB followed us, and it was a few minutes before the rest of the pack appeared with Crap Thai leading them in on true trail. Nice set – a more sensible distance after the collection of 8km runs we’ve had recently.

24th November – CH4 – Taste My Buns

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TMB teamed up with Foxy at the arse end of the universe 11+km south on canal road. Ack… even driving from the university was tedious. Finally I got there, and got ready for whatever was in store. After the harebrief we ran around 50m to the first check… and while I say ran, really I mean walk. There wasn’t much effort going on… and at the check there wasn’t much effort either. Brownie went left, and then right… I went through the barbed wire but didn’t put much effort in. KO picked the correct trail, but hadn’t worked out what pink paper looked like, so it was a long time before Brownie found it and we were finally off.

Second check, another circle, and Brownie immediately thought it was back to the left – he’s scouted the shit out of the area, so I’ll take the hint. I went down the trail 100m or so, and it looked promising, but no sign of pink paper. I stopped and started scanning the forest to my right, trying to see anything pink, but nothing, and no call from anywhere else… Where could it be? I stood there 2-3 minutes, before turning around and realising I was stood next to the paper. ONON and we were off again, and I promptly got the next V check wrong, so the pack was back together. Onto the decent running trails, gently undulating, and the pace was reasonable. I pushed along until I hit a False Trail…. Huh? No word about them in the harebrief??? This was a tough one… Around 150m or so back to the main trail, and then 100m along the trail before anyone found it. I was already back at the false trail double checking I hadn’t made a mistake when the call was made.

Another false trail, and the pack was being kept together on tight trails. Graven and I hopped over a ridge while the pack checked a circle check 100m to our left. The gamble paid off and we joined ABB who found the paper heading straight on. Another check, and trails all over the place, with Angry picking a nice looking trail up to the right. Graven called it quickly and we had taken a left turn. I was convinced this trail was turning right…. And I couldn’t be more wrong. There was no check as the trail headed into a gully to the right. But then a circle in the gully. We had to be turning right somewhere, but it was kinda steep to the right. Graven, Angry and I carried on, none of us willing to look at the trail up to the left. In the end I went back to the circle and tried going back on trail to find a way to penetrate the hill on the right. I couldn’t believe it when the OnCall came from up to the left… WTF? Am I seriously this disoriented?


I had heard the hares say how they could avoid the hill, and this was clearly “the” hill, so I figured going straight down the gully, led you to an easier way around to the right, and I very nearly took it, and had I done so would never have been seen again! Instead I pushed up the hill, and was shocked when people were checking to the left. The devious hares had taken us into a gully, up a steep hill, only to come back down it just metres from where the trail had gone into the gully. Seriously? Was there ever a good reason to climb a fooking hill??? Do we look like we need the extra exercise on hill repeats? From here there were no checks for a LONG long way… Somehow I was chasing Angry Inch with Brownie and Graven on my ass, which meant a solid sprint until I had to let them pass. So we could get to utter confusion. Trail ran out, was there a check? What was going on? Even after seeing the maps and talking about it to everyone I have no idea. I didn’t see a check, and it took a while to get back on paper.

Finally I recognised the trails again, and had an idea where we were going, but by now Brownie had a nose for home, and he was taking everyone with him. I got to a circle check about 8th, but everyone ahead had gone the same way. This descended into a farce where I was just about the only one bothering to check another direction. Piggy gave up his “no running” philosophy and charged off with Brownie. Graven did his best to keep up, but had to check the wrong way at a V, and then I got the last circle wrong at the end – a circle that surely would have already been kicked out given the calibre of the athletes ahead of me?

A long circle, and not enough beer – the hares went to a great effort to set a really good run – a long run, >8km including checking, with some really clever, tough checks…. and then we run out of beer?

12th November – CSH3 – Sloppy Rod

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Mini Ball Breaker time. Sloppy and CW had scouted the shit out of this run, I had high expectations heading out to the runsite, this would be engineered to the highest level! The signs led us well past Baan Pong resort, which confused Sheep Shagger & Big Top, but finally we all got there ready for a slightly late start. The hare brief was thorough.

We set off, and although we were deep into the hills, the trails were immediately familiar – I felt like I was on a Belly Dancer run… Yikes! Familiar trails, so some familiar checks – I nailed the first few, even though the checks were cleverly placed, so the out trails weren’t obvious – memories help! We headed over to the rocket launcher lake and trail went the long way around a field before a circle check. My first instinct was to follow the main trails towards where the BB had gone, but after a quick survey, I picked across the dam. The trail had arced nicely around so that the route across the dam wasn’t obviously visible. Nice work hares – I thought I had them and headed to the dam… Nothing up on the dam, and nothing to be seen in the distance. Surely I was over 100m from the check? Damnit, I went back and headed down the obvious trail and TMB called out from the bushes that there was nothing there. I was flummoxed. Finally HRA called from over near the dam – the MOFO bastard hares had gone over the dam, but disguised their approach, and I must have been within inches of finding their paper on my first guess.

Over the dam we went, and then a Wimp Rambo split. From here the checks were less frequent – less opportunities to put checks as we entered a valley. I tried to keep pace, but also tried to save energy for the anticipated 13km. 3km in and I was feeling shaky. I was dripping with sweat. So much that anyone behind me on trail would have been slipping on the wet trails like a thunderstorm had been through. The trail turned upwards, and I hated it. I thought I was mentally ready for a 13km ball breaker, but at the first real challenge, I was broken. Climbing hills I try to keep the philosophy of keeping going, but today I am disappointed in myself. I broke. I paused and leaned on a tree, with sweat pouring off me like a thunderstorm. The pack passed. Some cursing, some screaming (ONON), most cursing to be honest… I stopped several times on the climb. It was steep – I think I have been there just once before – 20th May 2013 (does anyone have the GPS of Belly’s AGFU run???).

Finally we summited and Knock Out was there waiting for me, or probably Poo who was just behind me. We descended the other side, and I could hear people ahead, but the trail down (for me) was treacherous… I certainly didn’t feel comfortable at more than a walk, and mostly I was picking my footing to avoid falling over, or falling off. I was shaky, and hopefully wasn’t holding up the group of Poo, KO and ABB. The was a check ahead, and as I descended slowly towards it, it seemed there was a huge group of hashers just stood there, until eventually Cumalot called from further down the hill – why hadn’t the FRBs found it already? Was I back in it? Meh, the trail was still the kind of trail that I inched along and before long there was silence ahead.

Finally we levelled out and I started striding forwards, only to immediately turn my left ankle in a hidden hole. DAMNIT!!!!! I should just resign to this not being my weekend. As we came out into an orchard, KO said that it looked like where we set the run a few months back. Impossible, but my mind raced, and suddenly I knew where we were again. And as we turned left I was happy to know we were heading towards a really nice cut through back to the main big lake. Poo took off, leaving us behind, and I mixed walking and jogging to get through to the beer stop. Water stop? No water? WTF? No hares? From Strava the FRBs had set off just ahead of us, but when we got there, there was just an ice bucket of beers… It took less than a nanosecond for me to make a decision, and I made the true hashers decision to grab a beer. And a while later, Poo and I walked back to the A… Not what I had planned, and from looking at the maps, the end parts of the run look really interesting… Thanks hares!

The final moments of the run was Taste My Buns running in a couple of hundred metres ahead of Graven and Brownie – who weren’t holding hands, at least they weren’t when they saw us watching…

24th Sept – CSH3 – Pigshit & Crap Thai

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

“Remember its growing season and grass is long and prickly in parts.” – a underestimated warning! Back to Maejo – fantastic! I love running those trails – what would Piggy put together? We set off and Turkish went wrong before we found the first paper, but I got the first check wrong and was stranded behind the walkers on overgrown trails for a while. The beauty of these trails is that every check is a lottery, and that being the case, Mr. Poo should buy some tickets… He was nailing everything – including the time Turkish and I followed him, saw him bend down to look at something, before turning back to follow a miscall – he bought himself some time there before accelerating up the hill towards the Tiger’s Head.


Seriously Poo couldn’t put a foot wrong, and each time he was running at a pace that forced me to check the wrong way at all the checks! We got the the main “5-way” junction. I guessed it might break right, and was wrong, as again Poo got it right heading further up the ridge. I walked on the inclines, and tried to jog on the flats, praying to myself that we would turn left soon, and not go to the top! Sure enough, there was the left turn, and it clearly caught TMB & Poo out, so we started the descent with HRA leading the way. Poo was right on my tail – every freaking step pounding as if he was going to run straight through me. It was mostly downhill, so let gravity do the work, with Poo still on my ass, I stepped past HRA. The trail randomly ducked off to the left, on a smaller trail, only to rejoin the main trail moments later. It was a blur, I was focused, and kept pressing on.

Around another corner, and there was silence behind me… Maybe I missed a false trail, but was in the zone following paper around the corner and down the hill. The hares hid a circle check off to the right, and somehow Turkish slipped past with TMB even though I was second guessing the hares. Another check and I followed Turkish, until TMB called OnOn from the right – “Come back Turkish!” – to no avail, he was on his own now… I went back and ran on behind Poo, HRA and Billy Goat Buff. Another couple of checks and we emerged at the square lake. Not hard to guess where it was going from here. TMB was already in the opposite corner calling the circle check, so I started checking and sure enough found trail. This was definitely a case of finding the right trail at the right time!

Some excellent trails, and some great checks that kept the lead turning over – great job hares! Plus we got a circle from KO with our illustrious GM following up on business interests in Cambodia. Is it an apprenticeship?

10th September – CSH3 – Knockout & Sex Pistol

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Rating: 9.0/10 (3 votes cast)

The runsite was the strawberry place in Sameong – a nice A-site with great views. At the top of a hill, the trail had to set off downhill – which is fine, except that it means the trail will finish uphill – there is no way to avoid a climb at the end… But we had that to look forward to, first the start would be downhill…

I set off with Chuckie, and while protocol is to walk at the beginning, nature took us into a brisk jog. A circle check, and I spotted paper quickly, but had to navigate a small gully before I could call ON – an obstacle that would soon cause Poo & Cumalot similar navigational challenges. It was still downhill, but now back on the road we drove in on – DAMN! I wish I had looked in my mirrors more as I drove to the runsite!!! The out trail was just following our drive up the hill! A V-Check, I went left, CW did the dummy run to the right – I was so certain I was on, and was going well until I hit a false trail – NICE JOB hares! Back along the road and this time CW, TMB and I were all caught out by an invisible V check leading to a check back.

Another couple of checks and we got to a circle where nobody really wanted to give up the high ground. TMB checked up, Turkish straight. A Thai virgin headed reluctantly down to the right. I was lured to the right too as though a wailing banshee was beckoning me. Checking downhill is always a risk, a risk you might have to climb back up, but there were no other calls. The virgin was just smiling, but not finding paper, so I tried a bit harder, and sure enough – it was a brilliant check, leading through a tight gully, climbing back out and on to the road. As I got to the road, KO’s car came skidding to a stop with an impromptu beer stop. Sweet! I grabbed some water, and was very glad I did later…

From here we had a bit of tarmac time, heading towards the quarries, and I had a nagging bad feeling about the inevitable hill… The checks up until the beerstop we great, but from there it was hard to keep the pack together. One circle was around 130m, which brought Chuckie back, even though we knew it had to be that way. He retraced his steps once he saw me persisting that way, and sure enough the paper was there. There was no way to avoid the hill, but we had 5km in our legs before we started…. Why oh why? KO? You don’t like us?

As the climb started I wasn’t far off the front, CW was 100m ahead of HRA, 100m ahead of me. I kept on going, but one by one, hashers caught me up. When Cuckold passed, I thought – surely not?! Not long back I remember passing him on hills – he could never make it to the top without stopping! Today it was more of a pause than a stop… Taste My Buns went past in a flurry as though I was the only one going uphill! Poo was gentler, but didn’t want to wait for me. There was a little down, before another up. I managed to jog down a little, and scrambled to the top before lying down at the top for a rest – the humidity! Tadpole past by and I managed to get back to my feet as Turkish got there. There was some downhill, and I managed to jog a little, Turkish ahead, Alice behind. Alice caught up by the OnIn, and we were both relieved to be alive. Back at the resort, we opted for the stairs to climb back up – attempting some small talk, but mostly reverting to the age old cave man panting for communication.

All in all, it was a great trail – a tough one for sure, some great mentally challenging checks early on, and physically challenging later.

Alice:- Strawberry Fields Forever.

Picture a run
Across the spurs
On a hillside,
With 2 tangerine runners
And clear Samoeng skies.
Somebody calls you
You answer quite slowly
The girl with false trail in her eyes…

Blimey, these girls are setting the bar pretty high. Monday hares are on a hiding to nothing and Cuckold gives himself enough hidings as it is.

Knockout and Sex Pistolet combined for a scenic, challenging and varied run from the Strawberry Farm down Samoeng Rd. Thick white strips marked the trail, sometimes bent double but well sited – and well sighted. Checks were strips stapled together and obvious. That’s more than can be said about some of the On trails which were cunning if not difficult in places.
The trail curved a path down the spurs and thru some orchards then up and around with some stunning open vistas to enjoy on the return. Two Thai guys attracted by KO while setting joined us and really got into the spirit and ran well, especially Mr Happy!
I ran where I could and walked when I couldn’t and managed to keep up with Turkish and Blows Herself most of the run. Turkish grabbed the back of a flatbed SUV to pull himself up the worst gradient after I tried to work out if I could somehow catch and vault the tailgate.
After the steep section towards the end, I almost caught Byte my Yahoo who started jogging again as he sensed me approaching. I forebare to overtake after the On In narrowly saving the good Dr from the ignominy of a marriage proposal when he shouted On In. I was that happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was running on empty energy wise, although still had some water left.
We climbed the steep stairs to get back to the A, the thought of the winding, steep longer path didn’t appeal.
Top run, nice company, kind weather, fun circle, OnOn. And mental note not to fly with Poo after Chucky’s narrative to close the circle.

13th August – CSH3 – Shagless & Doesn’t Get It

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Without looking at directions, like a magnet I was drawn toward canal road. Sure enough there were signs to the left and to a brand new runsite. A new runsite, and certainly for me 100% virgin trails. That takes away any advantage I may have! We set off with Belly Dancer doing his trademark (farewell) sprint start… I followed, and he was visibly happy when the first check appeared – I don’t think he would have been sprinting much further. From the first circle I could see paper off to the left, and of course headed over. The 2nd circle, I ducked and spotted paper through the orchard and things were going well early on!

Then we got to some V checks. CW went right on the first V check, and found no check back. The 2nd V check I went left and just ran out of paper, before going back left and also running out of paper. There was much confusion with hashers all over the place. Finally HRA found the trail crawling past a barbed wire post into an orchard. Meandering through an orchard for just a while before returning to the road. On the road I was pretty sure I could see something unusually white in the distance to the right, so set off after HRA, while Sloppy and Buns headed out into the rice fields. I had locked in on definite white paper when finally Sloppy called in the field. Piggy & Turkish were quick enough to follow me rather than go back the long way around, and sure enough we were on paper again. Turkish only wanted to follow feigning no idea what was going on, but I lost him at the next check, as Piggy followed me. Another circle, and I arrived with Piggy – he headed left, and my gut said he was correct. I was very slow checking right. I paused to retie my shoe lace. Looking back, everyone else was also following Piggy to the left, but why hadn’t he called? OK… I jogged forwards and there was the paper… On On and to the Beer stop, just ahead of Bow Wow and Head Hacker, who amazingly had got lucky along the road!

A beer stop, right next to a circle check. A road. Both sides were rice fields, and the hare brief had said only follow the marked burns… Hashers scattered, and I sauntered. Into a little property looked tempting – the kind of place you ask and get permission from! A flash of white on a tree ahead. Sweet! OnOn! The call brought hashers charging from all directions, the GM notably dancing his own route across the burns. Worse still was the Turk and KO, who just said fuck the trail, I’ll trample the rice fields and rejoin further ahead. With Turkish ahead, CW was like a greyhound. Turkish was the short cutting bastard (as usual), but CW couldn’t resist chasing him down like a gazelle chasing a hippo in a weird cartoon. I plodded along and got to another beer stop.

I would like to apologise to the hares, for my bad form here. I didn’t take the 2nd beer and headed off after the leaders like a racist bastard. My behaviour was incorrect, and I regret it. Sadly there were 2 racists ahead of me who also missed out on a comforting beer. I’d rather not talk about the end of the run… the strava flyby says it all… Great run hares – the checks came thick and fast, and were confusing from the start to the last. You definitely caught me out, and if I am running to catch up with Pamela, Sups and Geisha Gash only to catch Belly Dancer at the OnIn, then good job!

4th October – CSH3 – Belly Dancer

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Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Belly teamed with his favourite co-hare for a run near Ob Kham. Not the run site they’ve used before, but just around the corner… After hearing about the brutality of Monday, I guessed it would be a tamer affair, so checked in earlier in the week and was told it was ‘kid-friendly’, and encouraged to let Matty (Terror Byte) & Danny (8-Bit) out on the run for almost the first time.

We set off with my boys setting the early pace, until Brownie and I swept past into some horticultural centre. A couple of checks had the pack stuck together. Then there was a good check that had me way off course to the right, while the trail went up the hill to the left. I followed Stumbling Dyke up the hill as Terror Byte was already fading behind. Another circle check, and everyone milling around. Nobody wanting to check down a steep hill, and most going up. I followed Taste My Buns down, and sure enough we were on.

Definition – “Kid Friendly” – a run that is safe and fun for kids of all ages – in the hope they get motivated to continue hashing in the future!

The trail descended into a treacherous gully, I was sliding down clinging from tree to tree. I don’t think anyone survived without falling. It wasn’t long before I was bleeding from my middle finger. It wasn’t any definition of friendly that I know. Tasty Buns reassured me that it would be easier for the kids – they are closer to the ground right? Damnit… Nowhere I can go anyway – we’re in a single person gully, trying to stop falling more quickly down.

At the bottom Gorf and I hit the road, I went right, he went left. I could hear the screams and wails on the descent, hoping it wasn’t my boys. I was expecting the trail to go to the right, but sadly it went left. It was going to be up a steep mountain – I knew it had to go over the top to get into the valley the other side. We were 30 minutes in, heading up hill away from the A bucket. I turned back to find the kids. Not far back 8-Bit was walking along with Knockout. He was battered, bruised and bleeding, but in high spirits – perhaps because of Knock Out for company? Further back on the trail, there was Matty who’d picked up Snail Trail and Baaabe. There I was worried, and the boys were busy picking up older women?! Excellent Hashing Behaviour!

Probably more of a male hash than a Saturday hash – I can guess the other half of the trail, and in other circumstances it would have been a good one. OnOn.