Tag Archives: Toe Sucker

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

17th Sept – CSH3 – TMB & Alice

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A long drive down to canal road, and gradually the sunset as I drove, for today was a full moon run. I arrived to confusion as someone decided to move the runsite, apparently scared of the full moon ghosts? We were set off at 7, torches in hand, and the paper was actually really easy to follow. At the first check, I eventually got it right, with Frozen spotting it in the distance before I did. I started putting a collection of checks together and put a bit of a spurt on the build up a lead – things were going well, until suddenly it hit me, I’m on my own… in the dark… This grass is really deep… “Snake!?” “Shit!”

Much of the trail was familiar, and yet so different at night. I got out to a mainer trail, and picked left. Yup, there was paper, but absolute silence behind me. The next junction had to be right, and sure enough paper again… This was going like a dream! I kept pushing and another circle. Based on what I’d picked up from the hares, I was sure at this point it was going to be clockwise, and we had to break to the right. Confidently I checked to the right… Nada… How about up this little trail? Nada, another one? Nada… So I got back to the circle, just as Toe Sucker arrived. So it was left – I guess left a bit more and then around further to the right?

I was still wrong and now Toe Sucker called on. I sped past her, wanting to continue my dream run, and of course turned right at the next check. I ran up the hill, but found nothing… I stood at the junction at the top in bemused confusion. Damnit!!! Finally there was a call from the left…. – Seriously this was going to be anti-clockwise afterall?!? I sprinted down the hill, angry at myself, and now deep into the middle of the pack, gradually picking off ABB, a visitor from the states and Cuckold. Another check and I arrived just as HRA called again from the left. OK, I can chase that old guy down!!! Angry Inch was running with me, but I upped the tempo and gradually opened up a gap on him, closing down on HRA, until from just ahead of me I heard “False Trail!”…. AAAAARGH!!!!!! We turned back and almost immediately there was the On call from Chuckie.

Excellent checks there, killed the racism in me perfectly! From somewhere Mr. Poo broke free, and apart from Turkish (who short cut massively), the blind man lead the pack out of the darkness to the beer! Excellent run – well thought out, using the right kind of trails for the conditions – I really enjoyed it, and running without the heat of the sun was really pleasant. From there the evening dragged on and on… A long gap after the run with food in the dark, before a long circle. I think I will struggle to stand up tomorrow, but because of standing through the circle rather than exertion on the run.

2nd July – CSH3 – HRA

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There are a few hares in history who are well remembered for losing hashers on trail… for hashers coming in in the dark as the circle ended… We don’t need to name names, but some of us have feared for our lives being left on trail in the dark. HRA is the latest to join that distinct haring club!

There was rain all day, it was miserable… As beer monster I had a duty to deliver beer to the medium sized group that braced the elements. HRA was nervous – something in his demeanour was even more concerned than usual – we even saw him several times out on trail, when any normal hare would have been snuggled in the shelter with a beer. The hare brief wasn’t brief – multiple Wimp trails… unmarked but for an arrow (an arrow that could have said “Save yourselves!!!”). When he finally pointed out the direction, even then it took us a while to find trail. Finally Obscene and I could call and set off away from the hills to a junction where surely there should have been a check, and perhaps pre rain there might have been, but there definitely wasn’t anymore. We found trail and continued into shiggy covered rice fields.

The side effect of rain is mud, and this was heavy going. The soles of everyone’s shoes gained 3 inches. Slogging along on the flat trails away from the mountains, we headed into shanty town. It had grown a lot since the last time we ran through (the AGFU)… Ah yes the AGFU, when we ran many of the same trails, when they were dry, and didn’t involve slip sliding around. We got to what looks like a wet moobaan development, and a circle had the pack spread out to the left. To the right I saw the hare, and headed towards him and trail. While most of the pack followed, Turkish short cut his way to the lead, and took advantage of the torrential rain to not bother calling. It was a clusterfuck. I couldn’t see without my glasses, hardly anyone could hear even if we were calling, and the paper to mark the trail was soggy anyway. What the fuck are we doing?

Of course it wouldn’t take long before Turkey fucked up. But then there was a check that fucked everyone up. Mostly as it was in a moobaan and the rain was so loud nobody could hear anything. HRA was on his bike like a sheep dog rounding us up and shepherding us in the right direction. Having lost ground there I took some time to catch up with Pigshit (who was “walking” today – wtf?), Shagless, ABB, Toe Sucker, Sex Pistol, Obscene… A bit of a meander and finally Sloppy was in sight, leading the way, and enjoying having first choice at a check on the road that surely took us home. He slow danced his way towards the A, insisting that I checked the “dummy run”… Well Fuck You Sloppy! You got it wrong!

We turned away from the A and headed for the hills… 5-6km in and now we were hitting the hills? What was HRA thinking? I second guessed a False Trail, and led the way up the hill. From there many checks were straight on back towards the A. For a while CW was getting 2nd choice on the checks, but refusing to see an alternative way… Finally he caught up, and when he picked it, he was off and home sailing all the way down and home. A LONG 9km run. The circle was mostly missing the hare, who was riding his bike around looking for hashers, and Sups, who was driving his car in search of Superbitch (what a husband!). Finally as the circle closed Superbitch, Anything and Bubble Head came in – at least Bubble Head had a smile on his face. I guess he was smiling that HRA just joined his Dad’s club!

11th June – CH4 – Pigshit

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A reasonable turnout, given the time of year etc. But while there were plenty of walkers, it looked light on the FRB side… ABB took up the early running, racing to the first check, when he paused seemingly bemused. I past and headed up the hill and found trail, quickly on my own. I was aware of a virgin called Jack somewhere behind me, but it wasn’t until I got a couple of checks wrong that he and Toe Sucker caught up. The start was a steep climb up and presumably that decimated the pack.

When I caught up with Jack & Toe Sucker, they were stood at a circle discussing which way they should check. Toe Sucker was adamant she was just going to wait at the circle, and pointed out which ways we should go. I was wrong again, and caught up at the next circle where again they were discussing what to do. Screw that, I took off and finally got a check right. When we hit the road, it was clear he wouldn’t send us back up the road, so the only reasonable option was over heartbreak hill. Sometimes I don’t like being right. Its been a while since we’ve been over it, but it is always a tough one. Near the top we had the option of cutting down and going along the road, but nope, the hare wasn’t that forgiving, he was taking us right over the top.

Finally we hit the down hill and it was easy running all the way back. A great trail… Well marked… and a well ordered circle. Nice Job PS!

28th December – CSH3 – Square Rooter & Co…

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Square Rooter teamed up with Brown Finger, Big Top & Toe Sucker to bring us a ‘dirty’ new year run. With so many minds working together, what on earth would they come up with?

We set off and there were no checks for a kilometer, that was straight down a road – a fast start! Then turned abruptly and started up the hill, crossing onto some familiar trails that we’d run from Ob Khan before. Up to a ridge and the trail kept turning left – how? Several checks had me foxed because I expected us to end up running into old trails, but nope the sly hares had found another way down and I fortunately got lucky as we hit the checks at the bottom of the hill. A long flat section had Graven “following” me at the checks, along with Alice who was full of inside information!

We started scrambling up into the hills again, but now the checks were getting easier – unfortunately for me Sloppy Rod & Alice hit the front, along with “Grey Ham”. I preferred to hang back with Fandango, but we all managed to come in at the same time as the walkers on their walking trail. Except when I say “All”, I lie – as one visiting hasher didn’t make it back to the A. With the GM & hares exploring the hills in the dark, the circle was tough. Turns out the hasher was already back at the hash pub drinking beer.

All in all, a great run with plenty of challenge and a good warm up for next week’s ball breaker!