Tag Archives: Pigshit

13th Feb – CH3 – Square Rooter

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Seriously Rooter? Are you fucking insane? WTF?! I’ve heard the philosophy of never let a good hill go to waste… and I’ve been on Turkish’s runs where he’s straight lined through shit to connect trails, and I’ve been on Belly Dancer runs where the sole intention is surely to take out half the hashers, but I can’t remember anything quite like today…

We know the area behind Doi Kham, I’ve hashed trails all around there, but clearly Square Rooter wanted to teach us something new today? The harebrief was clear warning – be wary about what was to come – walkers may as well go home, if you aren’t fit, just give up now… We set off, and set off gingerly… From the usual runsite we headed towards the “gully”. Last time rooter teased us with that trail before cutting straight back out to the right towards the regular trails (around “last man standing”). A couple of checks, and we were still heading up the dry river bed. Suckit commented that he’d never been that way before – I had, but when we carried on deeper, it was new for me too. I was interested – but surely there was a reason nobody had set runs there before?

After a km we got to the point Rooter had told us to turn back if not capable. A bit early, so most carried on. And then no checks for a while as the trail turned into a sheer climb. Sheer… Seriously – this went on and on, no trail, just straight up. So steep that trees couldn’t hold on to the side, and nor could the earth, with constant landslides – I felt sorry for whoever was behind me, but when I looked over my shoulder it was Turkey, so I didn’t feel quite so bad. Up ahead was Chuckie, Brownie and Suckit. They were only 40-50m away, but it might take a while for me to get there. We were crawling, scrambling, feeling out footholds. 28 minutes for 1km, in total 280m elevation change, but 170m elevation gain over 500m. It was complete insanity. I have no idea why anyone would attempt it once, let alone do it and then decide to make their friends do it?!

Finally we got to the “top”, or the ridge with a trail heading to the right up towards Doi Pui, or down towards the Sameong Road football field. It was already kicked out when Turkish, Piggy and I got there, and we started the descent. Taking it steady for a while as my legs got used to the idea of not having to climb, and gently easing into a run. Now the trail was a great running trail – nicely descending, if only it had all been like this! The sneaky lizard gizzard wizard colombian searching for lines of powder eased past us like he was very, very thirsty and had no qualms about sprinting down a steep hill. I kept my pace moving wondering if I would see the leaders again. We did, and managed to catch up at the bottom where clearly a few checks had slowed them down. Managed to come in not far behind, and watch as everyone else came in covered in mud – Sheep Shagger being almost the last back – midway through the circle…

Only the hare was later getting back – too ashamed to face up to punishment? I don’t remember a hash run quite so severe as this one, and I don’t remember a hare ever having to sit on ice for that long afterwards….

3rd December – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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The Poos teamed up for another run near the football field – this time the A site was to the left near Tintin’s restaurant. A large crowd had already gathered when I arrived, but as the harebrief came, I felt sick – so sick that I ducked out of sight to deposit my lunch. I walked off following the pack – a pack kept tightly together by some excellent early checks. There was a point where everyone was following Superman and Tiptoe through a challenging little scramble. Finally the FRBs were set free and had a longish run stretch. First Brownie leading, and then Tasty, and then Piggy got a check right as we headed into the hills crossing paper that we had followed on Thursday. I couldn’t quite catch a break as next it was Graven’s turn for a go at the front. I seemed to be just off the pace and it was NOYB that nailed the check when we started heading down. All of a sudden he had a lot of energy and I chased after him, only to get 2nd choice at the next check and be wrong.

A circle check by barbed wire fence, and the leaders went left on the obvious trail, while the next group milled around. I got there with Turkish, and went down the bank to where I remember a little trail was hidden away. Sure enough Turkish called ONON, and Mr. 300 was surely on his way to victory? Only to hit a false trail. We turned back and spread out onto the hillside looking for tiny blobs of powder that could be anywhere. Turkish and I emerged to a bit of a clearing, and sure enough the cars were in view just along a little trail. NOYB followed us, and it was a few minutes before the rest of the pack appeared with Crap Thai leading them in on true trail. Nice set – a more sensible distance after the collection of 8km runs we’ve had recently.

1st December – CH4 – Dodgy Cock

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Seriously? Two weeks running and we ran out of beer mid-circle? No matter what happened on the run, or in the first half of the circle, for me I just remember leaving early and thirstily… The formula has worked for years, strange that we ran out so quickly last night.

Not much else really matters… We gathered at the canal road football field at the prearranged time, had a harebrief and we were off. Across the road and we followed paper into the little lane, until it just stopped. I assume a check was missing, or perhaps we couldn’t spot some leaf coloured paper amongst the leaf coloured leaves. I checked to the right and finally got called back down.

I caught up again after a false trail when ABB spotted trail heading up the hill. This was a familiar start, and without any checks on the way up, Brownie took off with Piggy to get a false trail to the right at the right angle turn. Along a bit and a V-check. Last time it was left, and I was wrong – I went right again, and was wrong… again… It wasn’t much of a loop around to get back on trail and I popped up just ahead of the pack. I could hear them just behind, but after I nailed a couple of checks, they weren’t getting any closer. On the mud road I waited for TMB so she didn’t have to waste energy on the false trail to the right and we ran down to the road.

Across the road, and not many checks as we carried on running. Brownie caught me after one check, and then promptly had to check the wrong way on a couple of checks – he needs the exercise. I lead the way down the hill, and I suspect another false trail to the left, but no chance of me turning left and sure enough there was trail to the right. Brownie and Piggy chasing me with 3 1/2 inch floppy in amongst it. A final V check, and then nothing? False trail one way, no paper the other… I limped in scratched up from the shiggy…

Got back, and yup… not enough beer.

17th November – CH4 – Pigshit

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Piggy teamed with Sheep Shagger for the HAPPY hash! So happy to get out of work, I must be more thankful for the joys that life bestows upon me! A familiar runsite at the back of Doi Kham – for some reason BigTop thought it would be sensible to run to the runsite from town… huh? Don’t we do the running bit of the hash while we are, well doing the running part of the hash?!? The harebrief gave away a few clues – first we would be going up a different hill to last time, and second, we should probably only do the wimp trail… Piggy, piggy piggy…? Oink, oink, oink.

By now the reader should be feeling the positive cheerfulness in the tone of my writing, as I skipped off towards the start of the trail like a easter bunny about to get that inner peace only fulfilled by giving chocolate eggs away, or the rapturous jollyness of a random drunken handjob. Who am I trying to kid? The chocolate eggs just feed an industry designed to make our kids bloated and fat with brown stains around our mouths, while the initial climax is later climaxed by shame, guilt and regret. The regret kicked in as the trail headed up the first hill! I love trail running, and we have awesome trails around Chiang Mai, but there is a certain amount of masochism that goes into pushing oneself out on the run, only to be rewarded with beer later.

We set off, and at the first opportunity the trail turned up, but having got the check wrong, Sex Pistol and I continued along the creek bed a little further before climbing up the hill to rejoin the trail. The next check went back down the hill back to the creek bed we’d just left. Excellent job hares – that check had me cursing at the time, but later in admiration. The young virgin scooted past and I had a feeling I wouldn’t see him again until the circle. Another check, and I felt the call of nature, ducking off trail behind a tree. I heard some calls from up above, and not long after found some trail. I followed for a while until it was clear it was old trail, so I headed back to the circle and the wimp rambo split. I recalled clearly Piggy’s harebrief advice and how he locked eyes with me when he said we would be better off just doing the wimp… I obliged and headed off on the wimp.

After a while I caught Belly Dancer, but was too winded from the climb to say howdy. Thankfully we turned right and I jogged back down the hill picking off walkers one by one, until finally catching ABB at the last check. Yes, he was already checking left, but I wasn’t about to go back up the hill I’d already been up sometime before, so jogged on to the OnIn…

Nice run Piggy – just about spot on for a Happy Hash!

20th October – CH4 – Alice

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Alice is always the hare these days! But at least he is liking “my area” in Doi Saket… Except, his focus is on the other side of the canal to where I normally go. And despite teasing us today, he stuck with the area he has been scouting. A big turnout today, with 2 songthaews! With visitors and the returning Graven, we were a big pack to set off.

The first check was a no brainer – I’d seen the paper on the drive in, so I told CW not to bother with the alternative and ran off to confirm the On call. Then to the canal, and I was right again, convinced we were heading to the bridge. I didn’t spot it straight away as I was the wrong side of the road, but locked in and headed to the bridge I often use. A circle check on the exact same tree that I have stapled circle checks before. I was at home, and guessed through the abandoned moobaan. I know exactly where to place the 100m paper, and today there was no paper there. I checked a bit further, but nothing. I headed back to the circle and was even pondering going back over the canal when there was a call… We all stormed off only to find a confused Sex Pistol and Blows Herself… Apparently SP had called over to BH “was that an ONON?”

Poo found it from a goat trail back across the canal, and nicely regrouped we trudged down narrow shiggy trails for a bit. It was actually a neat connection – one that I should have used a few months ago, but last time I set there it was pissing it down, and I simply couldn’t be arsed to explore enough. Alice found a much nicer little trail, and there were plenty more options here – saved for the future! I got stuck in the pack for a bit, making little progress until we turned left, and the shape of the trail was coming clearer. Back to trails that I knew, and Angry Inch was charging along ahead, shortcutting to get there, but ahead… for now….

We ran past a soi, and my attention was alerted, not just because it went in the right direction, but also I thought I could see something white in the distance… Sure enough there was a circle check around the corner. I turned back and ambled up the soi, checking idly, while CW also clued in and joined me. Once we were duly convinced, we took off and found a V. I went left, he went right, and after a while I heard a muffled check back. The last few checks were going home checks and I managed to stay clear of the chasers and got to the hares final treat! A sick, filthy infested water crossing. I pondered for a nanosecond and then took the plunge. I hope I am still alive tomorrow as there was some filth festering at the bottom of that. When I saw the OnIn I couldn’t help but wait to see CW’s reaction as he arrived with Piggy.

Nice run – particularly liked Angry Inch finding the wrong canal and taking the long way home!

17th October – CH3 – Pigshit

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Piggy has caught me on the all time stats for CH3, so to put off the inevitable, I slipped out of my lab and made it to the runsite just as the run was kicking off. I changed while I listened to the harebrief… He was being frank and upfront – we weren’t going to like it, he didn’t expect many to do it, and we should bail out at any opportunity. After that, most seemed like they’d be happy enough sitting around for a beer rather than touching the trail! The warning was fair enough, I would heed it.

I walked for a bit at the start chatting to Alice, and relaxing from the day. We followed the usual route, and then a check at the split. Nobody calling, so I set off up the hill, for a few steps before Chuckie called us along the creek. I splashed through the puddles to annoy Sheep Shagger. Then when CW turned left up the hill, we all smelled a false trail. So I took 2 steps further on and found paper. I jogged along for a bit, and promptly realised I had left my inhaler in the car, during my rushed afterwork change. Damnit. Over half a K in, I nearly turned back, but decided to continue and try to control my breathing.

For a while I knew where this was going. A circle check, and I didn’t see him heading towards the Ag Center, and I would have been very impressed if he had found the trail over back around the top on short notice. I went straight on up, and sure enough found paper. Another check and I continued up, but then veered off to the left. Over 100, this wasn’t it, but it had to be up, and this trail was bending back to the right. In the end I hacked my way across a bit of a ravine and saw the paper continuing straight up the hill. I think behind CW was getting all the bad luck dutifully checking downhill each time.

Another check and again I went up, but this time, there was nothing. I came back down and watched while Angry Inch stood at the circle listening to Chuckie checking off to the left. The only other option was down, but he waited for me to go check there first. Sure enough down took us to the creek, and the “W” option to head back down. Tempting though it was, I followed trail a bit more and we crossed the creek and climbed a killed hill. I hate that climb after the creek… I guess the steepness just hits my elevation gain threshold? Every time I’ve done it, it saps my energies. Just a little too steep? After already climbing to there? I dunno, but when we plateaued there was no check. That told me a lot. False trail ahead? That was my hope… I hoped there would be a false trail, and nobody would be forced to climb higher up…. Did the hare know the trail goes to Doi Pui? I hunted around a bit looking for alternative paper, but there was none. HRA joined me as I started following trail again. We started chatting about the “W”, that he hadn’t seen, and we talked each other into turning back and heading down. We pretended Mr. Poo didn’t see us. At the plateau, where there was no check, we traversed to the other trail (60m) and sure enough found the rest of the trail heading down.

Sorry Piggy for not completing your challenge… But another 200m elevation gain after I pulled out? I think I made the right decision!

6th October – CH4 – Kwazi Moto

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Kwazi decided to set the run from Sleeps On It’s farm in Maejo. I was late – bloody student late for the exam today, and then I kindly waited for her to finish. When I got to the car I realised I didn’t have my shoes so had to go home on the way. We arrived as the pack poured out the gates, and Terror Byte jumped out to join the throng. Kwazi ambled over to give me a private hare brief while I changed. He was aiming for the “hare of the year” award…! Do we have an award like that?

I jogged off, and took a km or so to catch the pack. The trails out past Maejo interest me – there are some great trails there, but for most they are a bit far out to explore thoroughly. The start of the trail was familiar – the same as last time I was here, but the trail quickly turned north. The hare brief boasted only 100M for checks, but I dunno… these were definitely more than 100 long paces!

Tasty led the way up a hill, and Piggy joined in behind me as I tried to remind him where we were, and the last time we’d ran it. At the top, the virgin went left… ha! That was going back to the farm, it had to be right somewhere, and after TMB check 2 ways, and I checked a third, Piggy called us on at the 4th. Another circle, and I was 3rd to get there… Piggy went straight, TMB took the trail back to the right. I dithered, and dathered… OK I didn’t like the look of hacking my way to the left. Finally Alice called us on down to the left – excellent check hares, and my bad.


Tiredness was already kicking in, so I wasn’t going to push the checking too much, just using energy to stay with the pack. “7.5KM” was ringing in my ears. The wimp trail was marked off to the left, tempting, but I carried on. And then there was a fantastic trail with great views, before a hardcore descent when everyone was running hard letting gravity do the work. HRA took the lead with another nice check, and this was one of those ideal hashes where everyone was kept together by smart checks.

We got to a lake, and it was 50/50… To the left side, or the right side… I was wrong, as were most, and we were chasing HRA around the right side of the lake. Of course another check foiled him, and “Dancing Queen” took the lead. HRA screwed up when trail cut off sharply to the right, and then gleefully laughed his was as he short cut around a house to a circle…. Som Nam Na amigo, as he promptly got the next check wrong. Square Rooter was in the mix grinning away as he had a stadium view of what was going on up front.

The trails had been great, the checks great, the pack was together… Kwazi was definitely making himself a candidate for hare of the year, until the last km or so, when he gave up on trail, and just did a random shiggy hack to get back. Alice and Baldrick squealing like piglets trying to shake the ants off after the final barbed wire scramble. Finally the OnIn, and finally back… I could have done with a nap then…

29th September – CH4 – Alice

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Finally a run in Doi Saket! There are some great trails out here, and I’ve been looking forward to running someone else’s trail for so long. Alice like a master magician threw some misdirection at me last week, which worked – last time I trust him! 😉

Finding the runsite wasn’t straightforward, but we eventually grouped up and got ready for the run – would it start at 4:30? 5? or 5:30? Fortunately the hare seemed to know, and we were sent off at 5. Obscene skipping eagerly ahead at the beginning. I got a couple of checks right, particularly a hidden V check and a clear false trail, so I was way ahead, only to get royally screwed over when the hare decided not to cross the canal and head towards the Chinese Cemetery. Wow! My dream of the perfect hash was blown up, and I was playing catch up.

Today’s checks were clearly the work of a masterful hare, with pretty much all of them working to rotate the lead, and keep the pack together. There are better trails, but in terms of haring, and devious checks, it was spot on. I got back to the front a the smaller canal, when HRA spotted paper from the wrong side and had to come back. Another check at another bridge and then some confusing OnOn calls. I could have been right, but ended up so wrong after Toe Sucker confidently called on following HRA. I was wrong, badly wrong and met up with Angry Inch, who was also very wrong – we heard no On-Call, so Angry announced he would set off in a rough general direction. I was tempted, and chose another direction for a bit, before deciding to go back and be honest – amazing the “Strava effect”.


Back on trail, frustrating!!! I was so close to getting it first time, and now I was a long way back. Sometimes this scenario is game over, but even though we were heading towards home, the checks gave more opportunities to get back into the action. Back past the Chinese Cemetery, and everyone’s compass was pointing towards home. A nicer trail to the right lured several hashers and I caught up Piggy as he checked along the road to the left. A bit of shiggy, with a lazy water buffalo – makes you wonder – we do all this exercise, he wallows in mud, I was almost tempted to join him. Piggy got caught up on a nasty sticker scramble, to a circle. And a group formed again.

I smiled to myself! Everyone was going to the right, which was surely towards home, but surely now my home field advantage would finally pay off?! I went left, around the corner and sure enough there was paper! I was home free surely – not far to go now! The nice trail went off the road to the right, but there was no paper on it… Paper at the corner, but I was filled with a sense of doom as I headed towards it. I didn’t want to follow the road to the left, and when I found the FT there was no surprise. Damnit, damnit, damnit! Good job hare, you gotta love it when half the pack passes you so close to home. Chuckie got ahead, but he also got foiled by a V check almost at the death. In a scandalous break of tradition TMB gave Piggy the male wings and he gave himself the female wings too…. Ohohhh.. Really?!

26th September – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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A big congratulations to Mr. Poo as he is accepted into the Belly Dancer academy for hares who lost hashers in the dark on a mountain. At least it wasn’t raining… much… I slipped away from work and managed to make it to the hash – it was on my way home, so I really should make the effort! Over 2 months since I’ve been on the male hash, but I still wasn’t considered a returner – meh!

Behind the conference center, and we set off up the hill behind the temple. I seemed to be the only one running, and nailed the first couple of checks. The hares had tried to hide the paper on the trail beyond the barbed wire fence, but I could just about see a bit of white. The trail eventually turned left, and I so nearly checked there first, but was far enough ahead to get back, and find the trail, along with Square Rooter. Another circle, and we both thought Poo was heading towards the Boy Scout camp – typical Poo style! We checked further than we should have, and finally HRA called up the hill to the right. Damnit! My guts were screaming at me, and a Horny Monkey was definitely needed. I headed back slowly making sure the pack passed by, so I could find a quiet area.

I wasted around 5 minutes and thought I probably wouldn’t see the pack again. Climbed another hill, and came down to a nice flat trail – these trails are definitely more overgrown than last time I was up there! I rounded a corner and there was Piggy, along with just about everyone else. A stretch without paper had slowed everyone down and I was back with the pack, and lighter! We came out onto the main trail, and I recognised the junction where Diddly Squat and I met the army a few months ago. I was tired and figured it was time to head home, but the hare had other ideas…

Square Rooter called ONON from up the hill again – I’d already suggested to Piggy it was unlikely, but we followed the call… Well over 100m, but this trail was starting to get confusing. Another check, and suspicions were confirmed – we were now going backwards. I guessed a “Figure OF 8″…

Figure of 8 – it seems either works, figure of 8 or figure 8 – I’ve not heard it without the of before! but I much prefer this definition – HERE – go on, click the link!

As we were going backwards on trail, I suggested to HRA & Piggy that we continue and figure out what we were supposed to have done, so we carried on, calling “NoNo”. HRA & Piggy seemed completely confused when trail ran out, and then 100m later there was a circle with paper running off it. I tried to explain, but in the end gave up. HRA later said “I know we were running backwards on trail, but it just seemed like it was the wrong way…” <– Yes, perhaps Does Nothing’s juices had an effect? A while later, we found Alice, ABB and a bunch of others coming the other way (the correct way). By now light was fading, and it was time to head back, which was back along the trail. Kwazi wasn’t convinced, and persuaded Pussy Whisperer to follow the road out to the Boy Scout camp – bad idea! They arrived much later after Pussy Whisperer paid for a songthaew. Piggy, HRA, Alice & ABB listened to me and followed me back, passing Mr. Poo on trail as we finally finished his 6KM run – I stepped off the mountain just as it went black, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be out there even 2 minutes longer! Others weren’t so lucky, but fittingly Poo was the last one in. The circle was…. wtf?! A couple of mouthfuls of Does Nothing’s special blend, and Frozen was leading the drunkenness. I’m alive, everyone made it, and I think everyone has forgiven Poo! Let’s change the runtime before someone gets hurt!

24th Sept – CSH3 – Pigshit & Crap Thai

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“Remember its growing season and grass is long and prickly in parts.” – a underestimated warning! Back to Maejo – fantastic! I love running those trails – what would Piggy put together? We set off and Turkish went wrong before we found the first paper, but I got the first check wrong and was stranded behind the walkers on overgrown trails for a while. The beauty of these trails is that every check is a lottery, and that being the case, Mr. Poo should buy some tickets… He was nailing everything – including the time Turkish and I followed him, saw him bend down to look at something, before turning back to follow a miscall – he bought himself some time there before accelerating up the hill towards the Tiger’s Head.


Seriously Poo couldn’t put a foot wrong, and each time he was running at a pace that forced me to check the wrong way at all the checks! We got the the main “5-way” junction. I guessed it might break right, and was wrong, as again Poo got it right heading further up the ridge. I walked on the inclines, and tried to jog on the flats, praying to myself that we would turn left soon, and not go to the top! Sure enough, there was the left turn, and it clearly caught TMB & Poo out, so we started the descent with HRA leading the way. Poo was right on my tail – every freaking step pounding as if he was going to run straight through me. It was mostly downhill, so let gravity do the work, with Poo still on my ass, I stepped past HRA. The trail randomly ducked off to the left, on a smaller trail, only to rejoin the main trail moments later. It was a blur, I was focused, and kept pressing on.

Around another corner, and there was silence behind me… Maybe I missed a false trail, but was in the zone following paper around the corner and down the hill. The hares hid a circle check off to the right, and somehow Turkish slipped past with TMB even though I was second guessing the hares. Another check and I followed Turkish, until TMB called OnOn from the right – “Come back Turkish!” – to no avail, he was on his own now… I went back and ran on behind Poo, HRA and Billy Goat Buff. Another couple of checks and we emerged at the square lake. Not hard to guess where it was going from here. TMB was already in the opposite corner calling the circle check, so I started checking and sure enough found trail. This was definitely a case of finding the right trail at the right time!

Some excellent trails, and some great checks that kept the lead turning over – great job hares! Plus we got a circle from KO with our illustrious GM following up on business interests in Cambodia. Is it an apprenticeship?