Tag Archives: Pigshit

3rd September – CSH3 – Poo & Shit

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I drove over to Huay Tung Thao for another afternoon run around the track – what would the hares put us through? A rainstorm came through as we were thinking of setting off, which delayed things slightly, but not long before we set off. Up the hill it felt like a regular after work run – nobody else seemed to be running! Around the track, but it did seem like there was paper every 100m or so. A good km into the run finally we broke off the running track and over to a circle check by where the trail runs down to the mountain. The circle check was like an arrow – or was it a double cross? I headed down the trail, and after 120m or so found paper. I called, and jogged on, knowing the next check would be at the bottom of the hill, processing what I knew about the hares and trying to second guess them. Shithouse, a fairly new hare, the obvious choice is towards the lake, and Poo mentioned in the harebrief that it was 8km, which is about the distance around the lake. I turned right, and after 140m or so found paper. I was so close to giving up and turning back – what was going on!?

It’s a great trail – I love running along the bottom of the mountain, and while doing so I started planning the route ahead. Another circle check, and I was fairly sure where it was going (8km ringing in my head!) Sure enough there was paper, across a waterfall and the up the hill. Dang – here it would be so easy to just cut across to the right and rejoin trail, but I’m ahead so I pressed on up a bit. Just past a junction another circle check, but there is no way I am going any higher up this hill! Sure enough I found paper heading back down – I was 100% so far. The perfect hash coming up? Not likely, already weighing down in my mind were the aqueducts….

It’s been a while since I’ve been over those aqueducts… I’ve set many runs over them, and been on many runs over them, and I hate them every time! A balance beam of terror hanging over a plummet to near certain death, or perhaps a nasty scrape. Some are avoidable, but involve a bit of a scramble – and sadly the scramble takes longer than it takes the nimble CW to dance over it. Piggy wasn’t enjoying it either, and he followed me scrambling under for a couple. CW gleefully running away from everyone ahead of us. It turns out Taste My Buns doesn’t like aqueducts either, and she had Turkish escort her over one set like a father escorting his daughter along the aisle to a wedding neither thought was a good idea.

By the time we’d passed the aqueducts it was clear we were going around the lake. By this point I was tired… CW was gamboling away ahead with a rejuvenated Tasty. Looking at my GPS told me that to get back in 8km we had to take the most direct route, and sure enough we did. I got back into the game long enough to check the wrong way into the army base, and lost time trying to get out again (there is more barbed wire than there used to be… – Turkish would agree). I rejoined trail with KO and Sex Pistol, with a long trek back on the tarmac to home. I walked for a while, and finally decided to try and push the last km (it was the 8th km), which I knew was largely downhill, so I broke 6 mins even stopping to tie my shoelace! Back at the A most were already milling around in that post-run stupor.

Nice run guys – if you’d had the circle at the corner and saved us the first and last km, it would have been great!

18th August – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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Mr. Poo is back, and dived straight back into haring responsibilities. Teaming up of course with Knock Out, we headed out to the Sameong Road football field – a site where KO has set many runs that have (to put it politely), not gone to plan. A runsite where the temple steps remain a fear inducing curse, and one where more recently Turkish attempted to do the impossible of a run the other side of the road. The rules of the game are fairly simple, and from here the hares are restricted by the mountains on the other side of the road, and to the north beyond the temple steps. In the other direction is the “rubber” wall, which is now concrete. The chances are the run would be a new mix of familiar trails, but the question is always about the temple steps – none? all? or half? Kwazi made it clear he wasn’t going near the temple steps and I was tempted to join his camp.

We set off, I felt stiff and my knee was aching with every step – damnit, I thought I was over the knee? Being “middle aged” sucks if this is what it feels like. Belly did the usual sprint start, but stopped to take photos (aka catch breath) before the first check. HRA & Obscene raced away to the first check, while I plodded along with CW. What a strange place for a check? Not at a junction – with the river on the left, clearly they didn’t expect us to check there, and surely not into the rice fields on the right. We followed HRA to the only possible place, and sadly, reluctantly towards the temple steps. DAMNIT! However the clues are in the minor details, and that check suggested to me that the hares (having had mistakes here many times before) being over cautious didn’t want us checking too far, and I immediately suspected we would be back on the road behind the temple.

Sure enough we headed to the temple steps, and I tried all tactics – taking two at a time, running up – it’s good cardio right? Just don’t think about the hell you are going through. Finally a circle – it isn’t half way, but somewhere there is a trail off to the left, just where the hell is it? Damnit, I’m ahead, so I should do more stairs. I didn’t think it was right, and sure enough no paper. Back down the stairs and while most hashers lazily looked around like teenagers lazily hunting pokemon, finally Cuckold called On from the trail I had been hoping to see. Excellent! We weren’t going all the way up (that particular mountain). I spread the paper straight off the hill down to the other trail and joined the pack and shortly after there was Kwazi beaming like a guy who had just avoided climbing a few stairs.

Piggy and I ignored his assurances that there was no paper to the left, and went to check left. The rest of the hash is largely a dream… a hash dream… Circle check – Nailed it! Another check? Nailed it! When we went past the quarry I thought I could see some paper in the “gap”, so I saved that for later, and was ready for the hill. I pushed myself up the hill, with Cuckold somewhere behind me. Along the ridge for a bit at the top before back down to the left along an overgrown trail that I’m sure was clearer 6 months back when the hares scouted it. Nailed it again. The descent started and I could see CW, Piggy & Cuckold somewhere back up the hill as the trail switchbacked down – Not everyone followed the switchbacks according to strava!

At the bottom I hit the concrete wall – the rubber has gone now – so it has to be left, and the map in my mind was complete – I wasn’t going to make another mistake, I just focused on keeping a steady pace while I could hear the pack braying behind me – why were their calls so aggressive? I was doing all the work! I was checking every check, and calling every OnOn! And yet they were pushing me onwards as if I could do even better?! To the right along the wall, the checks were appearing as if I’d laid them myself, and the paper perfectly placed for the OnOn call. Another circle and the correct answer had to be left, up towards the “gap”. From here it is around 100m to the corner, so there should be paper as soon as I round the corner… Wait? What? Where is the paper? Shit! It was going so well… Another 20m, and there was paper finally hidden on the back of a tree… Thank fuck for that!

Sure enough it was through the gap, and down into the quarry, across the ricefields, and the hares were waiting for me over the bamboo bridge. For once I crossed it and held on to the OnIn. Excellent run hares, and I promise I didn’t have a map before we started! And best wishes to Belly Dancer and Anything as they start their new adventure (for now) in the UK!

13th August – CSH3 – Shagless & Doesn’t Get It

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Without looking at directions, like a magnet I was drawn toward canal road. Sure enough there were signs to the left and to a brand new runsite. A new runsite, and certainly for me 100% virgin trails. That takes away any advantage I may have! We set off with Belly Dancer doing his trademark (farewell) sprint start… I followed, and he was visibly happy when the first check appeared – I don’t think he would have been sprinting much further. From the first circle I could see paper off to the left, and of course headed over. The 2nd circle, I ducked and spotted paper through the orchard and things were going well early on!

Then we got to some V checks. CW went right on the first V check, and found no check back. The 2nd V check I went left and just ran out of paper, before going back left and also running out of paper. There was much confusion with hashers all over the place. Finally HRA found the trail crawling past a barbed wire post into an orchard. Meandering through an orchard for just a while before returning to the road. On the road I was pretty sure I could see something unusually white in the distance to the right, so set off after HRA, while Sloppy and Buns headed out into the rice fields. I had locked in on definite white paper when finally Sloppy called in the field. Piggy & Turkish were quick enough to follow me rather than go back the long way around, and sure enough we were on paper again. Turkish only wanted to follow feigning no idea what was going on, but I lost him at the next check, as Piggy followed me. Another circle, and I arrived with Piggy – he headed left, and my gut said he was correct. I was very slow checking right. I paused to retie my shoe lace. Looking back, everyone else was also following Piggy to the left, but why hadn’t he called? OK… I jogged forwards and there was the paper… On On and to the Beer stop, just ahead of Bow Wow and Head Hacker, who amazingly had got lucky along the road!

A beer stop, right next to a circle check. A road. Both sides were rice fields, and the hare brief had said only follow the marked burns… Hashers scattered, and I sauntered. Into a little property looked tempting – the kind of place you ask and get permission from! A flash of white on a tree ahead. Sweet! OnOn! The call brought hashers charging from all directions, the GM notably dancing his own route across the burns. Worse still was the Turk and KO, who just said fuck the trail, I’ll trample the rice fields and rejoin further ahead. With Turkish ahead, CW was like a greyhound. Turkish was the short cutting bastard (as usual), but CW couldn’t resist chasing him down like a gazelle chasing a hippo in a weird cartoon. I plodded along and got to another beer stop.

I would like to apologise to the hares, for my bad form here. I didn’t take the 2nd beer and headed off after the leaders like a racist bastard. My behaviour was incorrect, and I regret it. Sadly there were 2 racists ahead of me who also missed out on a comforting beer. I’d rather not talk about the end of the run… the strava flyby says it all… Great run hares – the checks came thick and fast, and were confusing from the start to the last. You definitely caught me out, and if I am running to catch up with Pamela, Sups and Geisha Gash only to catch Belly Dancer at the OnIn, then good job!

4th August – CH4 – Pigshit & Baaabe

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To my knowledge we hadn’t used the shelter before, but we were within a 100m of another runsite, out behind the canal road football field. Some good trails around here… – what would Piggy put together? We were set off and I was determined to walk for a bit. Immediately a V check – but the trail to the right was too tempting, so I went left. Straight away I could see something stuck to a tree up ahead, but had to get close to see if it was a check back, or a circle – luckily it was a circle, but I promptly got it wrong and had to play catch up down the hill. The checks came thick and fast, keeping us together and the lead rotating – good job hares!

Another few checks and we were trudging up a nice trail towards a great ridgeline and the Runner trail set off that way with the Walker trail heading down again – I do enjoy running that ridgeline trail. We’ve run it from several different runsites – Ob Kham, here, and even from near the quarries 5km along Sameong road. No matter where from, it is a great ridge trail – nice views, and nice gentle undulation. There was some blatant silent running ahead, but then somehow I got ahead, but CW was right on my tail. As we headed closer to the end of the right, I didn’t want to be 2nd to the ‘next check’. Surely everyone would know it was down to the right? Foolishly I gave that away and CW took full advantage. It turned out the hare had put a false trail, and I’d unwittingly given it away. CW, Scooby, Tasty and I headed down the hill, with Scooby & CW trading checks ahead of us like prize fighters. Down, up, around, through, and we were back to where the Walkers met the Runners.

I was back behind Chilly Pussy, a quick glance at my watch said 4km in, so 2-3km still to go, and everything kicked out by the walkers. Ack! The rest of the trail was pulling in walkers one by one. I had a brief chat with Anything as I passed her, and then Does Nothing was quick to point out that we’d passed the OnIn when I caught him so I followed protocol and walked in with him.

Really nice trails, and as Square Rooter put it, a nice combination of familiar trails. Perhaps we need qualifications for those who pick the walker route!

28th July – CH4 – HRA & Chuck Wao

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The outstation to Pai! CW & HRA had teamed up, apparently with Shagless as well for a run in Pai, and a couple of car loads made our way up to see what they had put together. We arrived with a small amount of time before setting off, and I was feeling distinctly unwell. I should not eat that soon before a run. We set off around a lake, and I was walking. Lucky me, it was Scooby Do that ran into the first false trail, and we scattered looking everywhere but the obvious way – finally ABB called us on, and we nearly completed a whole lap of the lake.

Another check, and the hares were watching us, we tried several routes up the hill, but again it was ABB that found paper, and everyone but Scooby ran back down and followed the trail to another of Pai’s tourist attractions – the “Land Split”, complete with “Dancing Trees”. Not sure what that was about, but when we got up to the road, Scooby had already been checking. It was to the left, and I was still mostly walking, a little jog every now and then, while Scooby charged off into the distance ahead.

I joined TMB & Piggy as we followed, noting at each check the silence from ahead, but the sight of a bright T-shirt running away. We followed – a great trail, had I been feeling better I would have been running harder, but finally Scooby got something wrong, and I’d already spotted the paper off to the right that took us up the hill to the Beer Stop. We’d seen that paper on the way to the runsite, but you never can tell if it is a decoy or not. The hares were waiting, and smiling.

I milled around at the beerstop for a bit waiting while hashers checked the more obvious routes, and then set off to find trail – I did, but promptly got the next one wrong and was left well behind. Lucky for me, from here the checks were good. Get one right and I was at the front, get one wrong and I was way behind – this pack was stuck together. I got one wrong, but looped around, and picked up trail ahead again, only to run into a false trail, and spend a bunch of time checking everywhere but the right way. Again I was punished to the back, but had a good idea where we were now, and with new paper on the road, I figured it was straight On-In. One final circle check, and the rest of the pack thought there would be a sting in the tail.

Very nice run, on some great trails.

Sat 16th July – CSH3 – Chuck Wao

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The GM stepped up to set from the disco shelter… The A-site has changed a bit from its former glory days – now the mattress on the floor stands out from the burnt out shell of other mattresses and piles of trash. At least it didn’t stink, but I’d dread to think what it’s been used for over the past few years. Nonetheless we could get vehicles in, and we set up for the run.

We set off around the crematorium and up the hill. An early False Trail caught me out – having not paid attention to the harebrief, I was familiar with False Trails being marked with an “FT”, not just a bar, even by international standards. Not to worry, we went back and continued on trail, but it wasn’t long before I hit my 2nd false trail after finding paper off a circle. The checks were coming fast and the pack was together, following Sex Pistol up the hill. Everywhere I could have gone wrong I did, but then there was the call of false trail up ahead, and so I threw myself off the side of the hill down a gully to paper.

Not long after I found myself coming back from the wrong way at a V-check. At this point it was about “Hare 6-Byte 0”. A visitor from Spain led the way with Sloppy & I following. A circle in the field, and this one had home team advantage written all over it. I wasn’t thinking of checking anywhere except where Sloppy was headed, and we let the Spaniard head in the wrong direction. From here I could just about plot a map back to the A, and I wasn’t far off. The nice trail running along the bottom of the ridge, with a brief sojourn into the hill to let Piggy take a tumble, and Turkish take a short cut that ultimately didn’t help him. The pace was picking up, and HRA reappeared in the mix. Now I started predicting the false trails and stopped being caught out. A run that started out with me getting everything wrong, ended with me getting it all right, and there was the OnIn, cars and beer…

Sloppy, the Spaniard, Piggy & Cuckold all felt the need to do the run twice. The hare’s intention was to get a 45 minute run, but it is an inexact science. Sometimes it is misjudged and the run ends up a bit longer than intended, sometimes it is a bit shorter, they are all hash runs, and I was quite happy to grab a beer and enjoy my shower.

14th July – CH4 – Chilly Pussy

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Chilly teamed up with Anything to set a run from the left side of canal road. Yup, the left side… I could remember a couple of runs from that area, and the runsite was somewhat familiar. We knew straight away it would be flat. And also it would be wet – it wasn’t raining now, but it had been. It has been raining the kind of rain that signals the start of rice planting season, when the paddies are flooded, and it is better if we stay off them…

The briefest of hare briefs sent us scurrying towards the mud. All different kinds of mud… Squelchy mud, squishy mud, slippery mud, mud hiding at the bottom of puddles, and mud plain to see. The first check, and CW went left, while I took the boys to check straight – if that was 100m, then I missed some paper – I nearly gave up before finally hitting the shredded paper. Another check, and my gut feeling said the run would be clockwise, so I went straight again, and sure enough found paper. I turned back and called ONON, my call drowned in the sounds of a tractor trying to move through a drenched muddy paddy. I could see Piggy continuing to check in the wrong direction, so bellowed until he turned back, before continuing.

Another check, and I thought I had it with an option to turn right, I wasn’t quite right, but did manage to find paper, joint with CW. Cuckold screamed like a girl, and nearly vanished into a sucky mud hole as he tried to cut across from our left. As good hashers our instincts were to rush over and help him, but better judgment quickly took over and we stood and laughed. He dragged himself out, but 5 steps later disappeared up to his neck again – that is one muddy mofo! Screw it, lets hash, and we continued into the rice fields… Yes… Bad hares… There were crops around… :(

A couple more checks, but the pack was still sticking together. Finally I found myself ahead, and a circle check. Surely it was to the right, so I took my time, and surely found the paper. When I did I was ready to run. Looking at the strava records from Terror Byte & 8-Bit, it seems that check probably wasn’t kicked out clearly, as the two boys went the long way around before getting back on paper. Anyway, that was the last check, but there was still 2km gruel to go… I pushed hard, with Piggy & CW chasing, and Cuckold in the mix too. We destroyed some rice crops, and crawled through barbed wire fences, wtf were the hares thinking? Finally we hit solid ground, and I knew we were close to home. I caught CW by surprise as I took off past him – I don’t deny it, I was being a racist bastard. I pushed, but could hear CW & Piggy over my shoulder – I knew they wouldn’t crack, it was just a question of whether I could hold on long enough… That is a question that remains unanswered, the cars were just about (almost) in sight as I gave in, and it would have been a photo finish for the virtual OnIn.

11th July – CH3 – BMY

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And so to Doi Saket. Cats and dogs for much of the day so this hasher was looking forward to some mucky soup to run in. Would he be disappointed? No time to linger before the off today and the shifty looking hare was spare in his brief and sent us off quickly to wallow in the “terrible gleaming mudcunt of mother” Thailand.

I can’t remember much about the early part of the run but paper arrived quickly and the dirt roads felt just right. What’s the ground speed velocity of an unladen chaparral cock? Pretty fast I think and roughly what Kwazi Moto was doing early on. Getting checks right and speeding along took him way ahead of the pack as far as the rice fields. Now, I remember someone somewhere, probably today’s hare, said that rice fields were out of bounds, but not today apparently and on on. Across a well-manicured lawn with water buffalo and a screaming peacock. And past a genial buffer pottering about unconcerned with a pack of hashers disturbing his peace and quiet. Even with one leg calf-deep in the mire Square Rooter took time to comment on the pastoral beauty. Boy, Doi Saket is real pretty after the rain.

Anyhow, after reeling in Kwazi I found myself slightly ahead of ABB and Pigshit and pressed on alone at a fair old clip. Then promptly got the next two checks wrong. The pack was together again. Up a gentle incline and along some Tarmac following Sloppy Rod only to see the hare kerbcrawling towards us. Did he think we were lost, or what? Further up the pack was together again. “Whaddyaagot…?! bellowed an impatient Kwazi to Sloppy, interfering with his sterling yet wrong work of checking.

Was crossing the road next? I was ahead at this circle check and chose right, and wrong as it happened, going at least 300 meters so convinced was I that this was the direction home. Futile. In fact the A bucket was in the opposite direction. From some distance I could see the hare in his truck and one Square Rooter slipping away from said truck on up to the moo ban. Of course I continued straight only to meet ABB coming back. That’s me buggered then. Third time lucky and up the slope we go.

At the top Rooter came across a sheaf of white paper strips on the ground. What to make of this? Could be some cunning stunt on the part of the hare. Rooter directed me on a wild goose chase and when I was a good distance on this chase he called On! On! And then I heard at least one more On! called from another direction. Bone Smoker got it. We were on our way. Very pleasing trails from there on in. With just enough barking canines to give Kwazi the willies!

Was the trail too mushy for this hasher? Naa, just about right. A thoughtful set that kept wimps and runners together for the duration. And what with no freaking never ending hill climbs I’m probably not alone in thinking we might have enjoyed a further couple of K of the same. NIce work.

(Courtesy Cuckold)

7th July – CH4 – Pigshit

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Piggy teamed with Crap Thai from the football field – the canal road football field. He promised virgin trails – really from the football field? I don’t think he understands what virgin means – he’s confusing the word with ‘slut’. These were trails that have had more hashers going through them than half of Loi Kroh! Seriously though, it was a different combination, and it was a well marked run.

We set off across the road, and I set off well – getting the first few checks right, I pushed on, with the odd call from behind. I nailed a few more checks, and things were going well for me! After 2-3km I hadn’t gone wrong and emerged at a familiar mud road, with choices galore. Mostly I wanted to turn right, but the hare brief had said the wimp trail would be straight back down the road, and I didn’t think he would go back to the road just yet. So I tried every other direction, until Cuckold called us on straight towards the road. The wimps would have had a dull trek back down the road from there. Crap Thai didn’t give me the option – guarding the road like a bouncer he pointed me towards the rambo…

Here there was a long stretch without checks, and having busted a gut on the first section, I was feeling it. I should pace myself better, but then again, I wasn’t expecting this much! Finally a false trail caught out HRA, and there was a group of us together – but the trail turned devilishly upwards, and there was yet another hill… except this was more of a mountain than a hill. Part way up, I took a moment to myself to contemplate if I really did want to go up, when there was a much easier way back. The other FRBs pushed on, I steadied myself, caught my breath and started the ascent – I know where it goes, and it wasn’t really going in the direction that I knew there was some nice cold beer…

Anyway, I climbed up, the trail turned right, back down and then back up again. There were few checks, but not enough to let me cruise for a while, and I lost the front runners, never to get back into it. We joined the trail HRA brought us back on on Saturday, and finally started descending. There was a point on Saturday, when I wondered why HRA didn’t put a check back, and today the trail just continued down, to the fucking false trail! Nice one Piggy, but the FRBs had already been through and every group after would have to find the false trail again – except for ABB, who chose that moment to catch me up and pass me!

Passing a few good junctions the trail went straight on, following the same route back that HRA used. I walked & jogged, dreaming of the end. As we emerged from the jungle, another false trail with ABB & Mind the Gap confused. Of course he would follow HRA’s route back, and sure enough there was paper. It seems the other FRBs had simply given up and forced their way through the shiggy to get in, but I led the true FRBs in past the On-In and finally to the beer. A long, tough one!

4th July – CH3 – Team USA

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Kwazi, Frozen & Rooter teamed up for a USA themed run. How many hares does it take to fuck up a run? 5 o’clock came, and went… Apparently we were waiting for Sloppy Rod… Finally we climbed aboard the songthaew and set off to the B. It was a B->A. I am in favour of runs that aren’t just circles, but I much prefer an A->B, than a B->A… The logistics are the same either way – transport is either needed at the start, or at the end, but with A->B, we don’t know where we are trying to get to which makes the checks much harder. The thought of an A->B was too much for Horny Monkey, Does Nothing and Sunspot, who chose to walk along the dam for a bit. The rest of us finally got started on the run around 5:30. Thankfully it is getting dark late (I should remember that next week!)

It kicked off with some temple steps, but only around 100. And then a virtual check at the top. Sloppy went right, back down the hill, Lollipop (long time returner) went left, and I carried on straight up the hill. Not far along I spotted a bright orange rimping plastic bag dangling from a tree in front of me. Nice I thought… I jogged up, and this was the unique aspect of the run. Rather than calling On-On, we were to set fire to some fire crackers. I pulled the bag down, and inspected the contents. I have never set fire to fire crackers before, and had no idea what bit I should set fire to. Frankly I avoid town during Loi Kratong, at least in part because it scares me. I gingerly set fire to the paper, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. I was trying to get into the spirit, so called HRA over to help – he didn’t really know what to do either. CW was approaching, but just before he got there HRA figured out we needed to set fire to the string. Bang bang bang bang – we were off, UP UP UP UP!

We pressed on, steep up a hill that I’d scouted a couple of weeks ago, and decided against using. These hares were pushing on to the top. That much was clear to me, but we did run out of paper and struggled for a while to find trail again. Very hard to follow the odd bit of paper buried in bushes when we are scrambling through the brush. Not to worry, I got to the top, and a trail – off to the left a circle, so I was going right, and sure enough another bright orange bag! Many of the checks were visible a long way off, but the fire crackers did make a fun difference. I got the hang of lighting them, and collected lighters as I nailed a few checks – seriously I was thinking of setting something similar next Monday, but will go to Doi Saket instead.

Another check, and a nice little trail that cut down to the right, and then we were on the main trail. A long, long stretch without checks. :( I pushed as hard as I could, but CW & Piggy closed me down. As they swept past I struggled to get my pacing back together. I expected us to drop down into the valley to run it out, but instead the hares kept us on top of the ridgeline, and surprised me with the final descent – I will remember that one for sure!