Tag Archives: Horny Monkey

26th September – CH3 – Mr. Poo

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A big congratulations to Mr. Poo as he is accepted into the Belly Dancer academy for hares who lost hashers in the dark on a mountain. At least it wasn’t raining… much… I slipped away from work and managed to make it to the hash – it was on my way home, so I really should make the effort! Over 2 months since I’ve been on the male hash, but I still wasn’t considered a returner – meh!

Behind the conference center, and we set off up the hill behind the temple. I seemed to be the only one running, and nailed the first couple of checks. The hares had tried to hide the paper on the trail beyond the barbed wire fence, but I could just about see a bit of white. The trail eventually turned left, and I so nearly checked there first, but was far enough ahead to get back, and find the trail, along with Square Rooter. Another circle, and we both thought Poo was heading towards the Boy Scout camp – typical Poo style! We checked further than we should have, and finally HRA called up the hill to the right. Damnit! My guts were screaming at me, and a Horny Monkey was definitely needed. I headed back slowly making sure the pack passed by, so I could find a quiet area.

I wasted around 5 minutes and thought I probably wouldn’t see the pack again. Climbed another hill, and came down to a nice flat trail – these trails are definitely more overgrown than last time I was up there! I rounded a corner and there was Piggy, along with just about everyone else. A stretch without paper had slowed everyone down and I was back with the pack, and lighter! We came out onto the main trail, and I recognised the junction where Diddly Squat and I met the army a few months ago. I was tired and figured it was time to head home, but the hare had other ideas…

Square Rooter called ONON from up the hill again – I’d already suggested to Piggy it was unlikely, but we followed the call… Well over 100m, but this trail was starting to get confusing. Another check, and suspicions were confirmed – we were now going backwards. I guessed a “Figure OF 8″…

Figure of 8 – it seems either works, figure of 8 or figure 8 – I’ve not heard it without the of before! but I much prefer this definition – HERE – go on, click the link!

As we were going backwards on trail, I suggested to HRA & Piggy that we continue and figure out what we were supposed to have done, so we carried on, calling “NoNo”. HRA & Piggy seemed completely confused when trail ran out, and then 100m later there was a circle with paper running off it. I tried to explain, but in the end gave up. HRA later said “I know we were running backwards on trail, but it just seemed like it was the wrong way…” <– Yes, perhaps Does Nothing’s juices had an effect? A while later, we found Alice, ABB and a bunch of others coming the other way (the correct way). By now light was fading, and it was time to head back, which was back along the trail. Kwazi wasn’t convinced, and persuaded Pussy Whisperer to follow the road out to the Boy Scout camp – bad idea! They arrived much later after Pussy Whisperer paid for a songthaew. Piggy, HRA, Alice & ABB listened to me and followed me back, passing Mr. Poo on trail as we finally finished his 6KM run – I stepped off the mountain just as it went black, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be out there even 2 minutes longer! Others weren’t so lucky, but fittingly Poo was the last one in. The circle was…. wtf?! A couple of mouthfuls of Does Nothing’s special blend, and Frozen was leading the drunkenness. I’m alive, everyone made it, and I think everyone has forgiven Poo! Let’s change the runtime before someone gets hurt!

4th July – CH3 – Team USA

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Kwazi, Frozen & Rooter teamed up for a USA themed run. How many hares does it take to fuck up a run? 5 o’clock came, and went… Apparently we were waiting for Sloppy Rod… Finally we climbed aboard the songthaew and set off to the B. It was a B->A. I am in favour of runs that aren’t just circles, but I much prefer an A->B, than a B->A… The logistics are the same either way – transport is either needed at the start, or at the end, but with A->B, we don’t know where we are trying to get to which makes the checks much harder. The thought of an A->B was too much for Horny Monkey, Does Nothing and Sunspot, who chose to walk along the dam for a bit. The rest of us finally got started on the run around 5:30. Thankfully it is getting dark late (I should remember that next week!)

It kicked off with some temple steps, but only around 100. And then a virtual check at the top. Sloppy went right, back down the hill, Lollipop (long time returner) went left, and I carried on straight up the hill. Not far along I spotted a bright orange rimping plastic bag dangling from a tree in front of me. Nice I thought… I jogged up, and this was the unique aspect of the run. Rather than calling On-On, we were to set fire to some fire crackers. I pulled the bag down, and inspected the contents. I have never set fire to fire crackers before, and had no idea what bit I should set fire to. Frankly I avoid town during Loi Kratong, at least in part because it scares me. I gingerly set fire to the paper, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. I was trying to get into the spirit, so called HRA over to help – he didn’t really know what to do either. CW was approaching, but just before he got there HRA figured out we needed to set fire to the string. Bang bang bang bang – we were off, UP UP UP UP!

We pressed on, steep up a hill that I’d scouted a couple of weeks ago, and decided against using. These hares were pushing on to the top. That much was clear to me, but we did run out of paper and struggled for a while to find trail again. Very hard to follow the odd bit of paper buried in bushes when we are scrambling through the brush. Not to worry, I got to the top, and a trail – off to the left a circle, so I was going right, and sure enough another bright orange bag! Many of the checks were visible a long way off, but the fire crackers did make a fun difference. I got the hang of lighting them, and collected lighters as I nailed a few checks – seriously I was thinking of setting something similar next Monday, but will go to Doi Saket instead.

Another check, and a nice little trail that cut down to the right, and then we were on the main trail. A long, long stretch without checks. :( I pushed as hard as I could, but CW & Piggy closed me down. As they swept past I struggled to get my pacing back together. I expected us to drop down into the valley to run it out, but instead the hares kept us on top of the ridgeline, and surprised me with the final descent – I will remember that one for sure!

27th November – CH4 – Horny Monkey

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

The day has finally come… Horny has set a run so bad that not even he could bring himself to turn up to! Now there have been some decidedly dodgy Horny runs in the past, but he has always been there to take his punishment – where was he today?!? He lays trail and leaves it for Brownie to suffer for it?

Anyway, I showed up – it was on my way home afterall… Brownie had some inside knowledge – he gave the hare brief with an apologetic air. How bad was this run? Horny hadn’t shown up, and Brownie was clearly disowning it. We set off, dodging eggs through a chicken (bird flu) coop. We got to the road and saw a V check off to the left. I went right, and got to a False Trail… So was it a false trail or the check back? A check back the other way and we climbed a small hill to a boobie check. Horny loves his boobies.

Into the familiar trails, and it was clear he wasn’t going around the lake, so we had to hug the shoreline. Clearly unscouted we descended into an overgrown pit only to find a circle check and climb back out again. Momentarily on nice trails before we were into the stickers with legs being scratched up while I knew there was a nicer trail just to my right. Damnit! Graven had thought better of it, and waited for us at the end of the lake. It was slow going – Tiptoe was still an FRB – and we’d barely got started when we got to a newish road and a circle check. It can’t be back yet, so I went left. I looped around a long way back to the check, and still nobody had found it. Finally Junglicious called onon back towards the A. Already?

A brief false trail up to the right and then it was back down the main road to the A. I had 3.2km and 29 minutes. Most had much less, and we estimated around 2.2km for true trail!!! I guess everyone will be full of energy for Saturday’s miniBB?!

1st May – CH4 – HRA

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

The new CH4 runday, the new CH4 runtime – who would show up? how many? I arrived early, missing the traffic from work, and past Frozen Dick & Microwave getting some extra exercise on the way to the run – on their bikes. Microwave set off for a bit of a recce to find some trail. Turned out around 30 or so hashers showed up, one of the larger CH4 turn outs for a while. It was nice to see Ninja, Taste my Buns, Beautiful Box join us, and I’m sure there were some guys too – oh yeah, Sups was there. Not a bad start!

Eventually HRA let us have a hare brief and set us off. So called virgin trails – ha! Anyway, we set off and Chuckie and I walked for a while before starting a jog and eventually getting to the first check together. One of us should check left, buuuut… nah… Unlikely! So we carried on and found trail. I’ve never been to the left there, but nor has there ever been a hash set to the left there – I figure it’s a dead end! The next check we had to split up, and I opted for the regular route to the left. Somehow it was None of Your Business that found the 3rd choice and called us on. He led the way for a while as we headed into the hills. I enjoyed following Knock Out, Ninja and Itchy up the hill, and as we got to the top I caught up at a sneaky False Trail that was omitted from the hare brief.

We followed old trails up a ridgeline, and another circle check was surely going to take the trail up the the buddha statue on the hill… Nope? Seriously? He wanted to take us down to the gully? Damn! A circle check at the bottom of the hill, had me guessing it was to the left. I followed Itchy for a few paces before LumberJackOff called from the other direction. Where was it going? Turns out he was calling on old paper. Sure enough we were back up the hill, back to the trail by the little buddha statue – I could have saved myself the down and up if I’d just gone with my original theory. What the hell, we descended quickly to another familiar runsite.

Chuckie went further to the right – further away from home, while I mossied around a couple of trails, only to find Pigshit looking at some paper! He’d been absent all trail and then showed up ahead – had he spent some time at Graven’s private hashing school??? We charged down the hill to the Wimp Rambo split – a glance at the watch and it was already nearly 45 minutes – did we need the rambo option? Ugh, being first there, I guess I should do it…

Next circle check and I am a complete fucking moron. I should know the area better than that, but found myself checking out on a peninsula, while Graven’s favourite padawan called “RU?” from the other side of the lake, mockingly, like a blind man who really hadn’t seen the trail he was following! 😉 Back on trail, and back with the pack, somehow Taste my Buns was up front – nice running! We climbed through a barbed wire fence, while Horny took the arduous route over a tall gate. Down the road – we were homing in on the A. Taste my Buns was leading the way, and bizarrely she went right at another circle check – that wasn’t going anywhere. Chuckie alongside, and only Lumber Jack Off lumbering ahead, I made my move… We were nearly home, everything was falling into place, one more check, turn left and we are back in…. Except it wasn’t left, it was straight on… and coming back from 150m or so I was back behind None Of Your Business! He looked over his shoulder, saw me, started running, looked at his watch, figured it was too far, and the lazy boy gave up.

We had an extra loop around, but it was all kicked out as I came through, having the luxury of watching Chuckie and Horny congratulate each other as they found the final check and hence the OnIn.

Rain for the circle temporarily moved us up the hill to shelter, and then back to the the original site for a delayed, but entertaining circle.

26th April – CSH3 – Big Top & Mr. Poo Animal Dinner AGMU

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.3/10 (3 votes cast)

What an epic outstation weekend – I’ve finally made it back, although my head hasn’t quite arrived yet! It began on Friday – I arrived around lunch time and Horny, Poo, HRA and Square Rooter were just heading down the road for a beer. I figured I’d join them, and 4 hours and many beers later we got back to the resort. Saturday was a slow day until run time. Songthaews took us all out to the start – well the Rambo start – the Wimps were taken 3km along the trail and set off moments later.

A good early pace as Gorf replaced Brown Finger as the FRB. We looped around some fields and headed back towards the huge mountain that overlooks Chiang Dao. We got to where the Wimps had been set off from, and for a few km the checks were all kicked out, allowing Gorf to leave us behind. The heat was devastating and running was a struggle. Finally we started wheeling in the DFLs and got to a water stop.

It was pretty much straight on, straight on towards the mountain. Pleasant views running along with Taste My Buns & Horny Monkey. A few tough checks late on and we could see Gorf ahead of us. Amazingly I was FRB for a moment, but the exertions and the heat took their toll and I was down to walking towards Poo who could be seen from about a km before the OnIn. We’d been promised a 6km run, but it was a big fat lie. 8km in deadly heat – time for the AGMU.

Big Top took charge of the circle, and promptly fired her committee, leaving her in sole command for the evening’s Animal Dinner. Back to the resort and the guys grabbed some beers and hit the pool for a couple of hours while the ladies got ready. With thunder and lightning threatening we all descended on the dining room. Excellent food, good music, and a wide array of beverages. It seems not many people had heard of Absinthe, and I ended up having t least 1 too many, along with copious amounts of gin and tonic, on top of the Leos – oh and Beer Lao too. No wonder I feel like shit!

We had to get up by 10:30 for a hangover run. I managed it just. Apparently I was supposed to co-hare it, luckily Pigshit stepped in to help Knock Out. I set off before the hare brief, and took a nap along the road. Horny dragged me to my feet and I managed to get running, behind Cougar & the Germans. Fortunately the run was only 1.1km, and I wasn’t going to do it twice! Circle time, and time for the hare of the dog. Big Top promptly quit and assigned duties to Mr. Poo who announced his new committee. I think I am on it, hopefully he’ll update the list soon!

Excellent job guys – so successful in crippling us that we didn’t even thank the hares properly in the circle for organising a great event.

31st March – CH3 – Belly Dancer

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Short Version:-

“Nobody died, so it can’t have been that bad…” (Anon)

Long Version:-

Belly is back! (With a vengeance?) 3rd day running in hot temperatures, and we were off for a 5:30 start… Surely he’d given up on the idea of the 9.99km for the 999 run? Apparently not – an hour of daylight would be fine for a 10k run! We skeptically set off, letting Brownie run ahead to do some checking for us. We promptly got a V check, and promptly got confused with Brownie going one way, Baldrick going the other. We didn’t know which way to go, but they both ended up at the same place, so we went that way, and found a circle check. Most went down the road, but I cut through an orchard and found another V check. I went right, and people called check back to the left moments before I hit a check back to the right. Muchos confusion, but I made my way across to the other trail and continued – nervously…. Another V check, and I was tempted to head to the left, but the trail straight on looked good enough, so I carried on. Paper dangling from trees to the left so I carried on, paying little attention to a blob of powder off the trail to the right – it might have been a check back, but the trail was clearly marked up ahead. Turkish and Brownie followed me and the trail turned terribly up, scrambling up a ridge. “This has ruined my day” I heard behind, and slowly crept my way over leaf covered rocks with no clues where to put my feet. Still we are on trail, so why was nobody following us???

It turned out that was a dummy trail, that wasn’t supposed to be part of the real trail. When we finally got back down we were way behind. Turkey screamed “Don’t leave me!” as Brownie and I set off in pursuit. After some distance we finally reined in Frozen Dick. Yup – Sups was still a long way ahead of us… Thats what happens when you follow trail I guess… Anyway, we got up to the lake, and came to a mutual decision that we would just go for a jog around the lake and back. I estimated about 7k, and we could just about manage it in daylight, so why not? We saw some paper going up the hill to the right, but kept going on our plan. Sooner or later we got some more paper, jogging along having a pleasant conversation.

Amazingly out of the blue ahead of us we heard shouts, and then Horny Monkey shot out of the trees, presumably coming back from checking the wrong way. Apparently we were back on a hash! Brownie was itching to go, and I felt like a dog owner walking his dog through a field of rabbits. Brownie looking longingly into my eyes until I gave him the nod to go on the chase. He did, and I carried on my plan to jog around the lake.

The trail went up a hill straight on, while the road went around to the left, so I continued my plan to jog around the lake, unaware that hashers were checking in the area, until Graven came running up alongside me, and we spotted paper. Interesting, somehow I’d become FRB! What should I do? A bit knackered from the weekend, plus the extra mountain, I should probably just continue around the lake. The trail cut off to the right into the trees, but we could see the paper about 10m to the right all the way along the road. Graven and I kept going and sooner or later the trail came back onto the road. Finally we could call On-On, and the pack were some way in the distance behind us.

The trail cut off to the left, towards the lake, but it had to rejoin the road sooner or later, so of course we carried on (I was still just heading around the lake). Brown Finger caught up with Graven and I and started pushing the pace along. Powder crossed the road from the left into the forest to our right. We paused. They were reluctant, but I remembered the trail was quite nice between the hills and back onto the mud roads the other side of the hill. Brownie and Gravy took off like rabbits being chased by dogs. I considered my options. I couldn’t keep up with the pair of them. I was on my own. It wouldn’t be daylight much longer. I’d already done quite a distance. It was 47minutes already. I wavered, and then chose to head back down to the A. Pretty quickly I was back on paper! wtf? There was paper everywhere!

I clocked up about 7k, which was enough for me. Not the 9.99, but at least I am alive! All in all the run was good – and I mean the run that was set by the hares was good, rather than the run I did… Only, it could have been a bit clearer and 1 particular place… Beer in hand, it’s time for the circle….

I think Skiddy did a good job, but to be fair I have no idea what was going on… It seemed to flow though…. If I don’t understand a splash, I normally assume it was the fault of the person giving the splash… But when it happens again and again, I start to wonder if my own mind is getting twisted up. I sat on the ice “You fuckers”, and I was off again. I hardly had time to quietly ask Chuckie why I had been there before he asked me why he was there. Sometimes lacking sense makes sense, and at least we got a “Useless Piece of Shit”.

23rd March – CH4 – None of Your Business

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

So the boy went out to set his first haring, good on you my son! He could have chosen anyone to be co-hare, and he chose Horny Monkey… wtf? At first glance it seems like a strange decision – seriously? out of all the hashers you picked Horny? On reflection, it’s genius… If it is a crap run, he can easily blame Horny for not letting him do a good one…. If it’s a good one, he can say he set a good run even with Horny holding him back!

They went out to scout on Tuesday, and then laid trail today. On Tuesday there was a performance where they suggested it was going to be “Steep”. I nominate Game Set and Snatch for an oscar, and within moments I doubted we would be going up the hill. Suspecting the lower trails, it was a challenge to get some more info from Noyb. He’s normally coy and cagy, but he was clearly excited, and started to open up! With a few probing questions I knew we would be going over the dam by the Kalae Rest restaurant, and over the wall by the gate that would be closed by the time we got there. He had even told me there was only one more check after we got to the junction where the road turns to the left and the trail goes straight on (in turned out that was where the false trail that ultimately thwarted me was).

An elaborate hare brief covered most of the checks that would be ahead of us. The only one they didn’t mention was the H3 hold check – where we are supposed to wait for 3 people to get there? As it wasn’t mentioned in the hare brief, and I was the first one there, I just kicked it out and carried on (yes I confess!).

We started with a deathly scramble down the waterfall, and hit the road. Chuckie behind me predicting what was going on – it’s his old hunting ground too. The first false trail was predictable, and then we headed straight towards the lake – I knew there was a chuckie check near the lake so he could through the sticks into it. I got a couple of checks wrong early on, but when Chuckie went up the hill to another predictable false trail, I led the way to the check on the dam. I carried on, and then when it was called went the long (but quicker) way around along the road. Intercepting trail again, I led the way up some steps, confusing the short cutters that followed Turkish Delight (welcome to Sundays TD).

From there it was straight to the gate, over the wall and back along the trail. Why oh why did he put the false trail at the end??? Why would he do that to me?

Nice job.

17th March – CH3 – Horny Monkey

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Horny had us back at his current favourite run area behind the Green Valley golf course. A slightly different runsite, but entrapped by the river & the golf course, we were sure to be hitting the same trails sooner or later. Apparently he found the runsite when he got a flat tyre and got lost. Anyway with Dogshit to help him, he took us out towards some rice fields. After a quick loop around we were quickly grumbling about damaging the crops.

The hares were waiting for us, to insist that we should run more through the fields and cause more damage to the already poor farmers. Gingerly we made our way along to find that the reason for the rice field was to avoid 100m or so of road. When we did hit the road, it became a feature with plenty more road to come. At a circle check I was wrong heading to the left, and when I rejoined the pack checking in a field, it was None of Your Business that suddenly sprinted off and then started calling 20m or so later. His gleeful gait was short lived though as he got the next check 180 degrees wrong, and we didn’t see him again.

We got to the same area that Horny set his last 2 runs, and as I caught Skiddy we both ducked off to the left leaving Graven, Brownie and Chuckie to collect the Skiddy sticks. A bit more of a loop around and we were heading back towards the road, and towards the A site. Sure enough, Horny loved the road so much, that he let us run on it twice! A Long Long Long stretch on the road had Chuckie & Gravy resort to walking.

16th March – CH4 – Chuck Wao

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Finally a Chuckie run on a Sunday – again it was described as ‘serviceable’. We were just north of the 700 year stadium at a moobaan favoured by Horny Monkey – familiar trails, but perhaps a different take on it?

I set off with Brownie, and were back along the road I’d just driven in along the canal. Strange – I’m pretty sure this doesn’t go anywhere, and no sooner had I figured it out, as we ran straight into a back check. Not the best of starts – we turned and followed Humperdick along the road that takes us towards the hills – even though we were close to the hills, we couldn’t exactly see them because of the pollution.

The trail headed off to the left – Horny Monkey and I eyed the trail briefly before deciding it would be a dead end, carrying on to find true trail moments before Humperdick found the false one. A few circle checks had us tied up in knots around the lake behind the stadium, and then we were on some nice trails. Construction work is tearing up part of the hillside, so it was a little unfamiliar. We scrambled down a steep drop, only to have to climb up the otherside. After a circle check there was more climbing, with None of Your Business scampering ahead. When a nice looking path headed off to the right, I yet again dodged a false trail, and in no time we were down onto the trail that runs along the bottom of the hill.

Everybody guessed to the right, to head back to home, but it just felt a little too soon, so on my own I checked along to the left. With no calls from behind me, I checked harder, and I was on! The trail headed up to a waterfall – definitely not going to be that way at this point – another false trail dodged. We knew we had to head into the rice fields, and I was lucky to get the right route in. Across the fields to the moobaan, and the hare had found a neat way of bypassing it, taking us back out onto the canal road to come in.

While the run had started precisely on time, and the FRB (me) was in in almost exactly 45 minutes, the circle was someone on the tardy side getting started, so the hash cash feared we’d go bankrupt.

14th December – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

I remember Turkey setting a great run from behind the new convention centre – it pissed it down, but it was still a good run! I had high hopes…

We set off in the wrong direction, but whatever! The first check split the pack between walkers and runners – no more walkers for us! The rambos had a climb up the mountain, and as Brown Finger had scouted the same area, so he knew where the trail went, he took off. He’d let slip that he’d seen paper in advance, so I just followed him, and fortunately got away from Horny’s annoying jingling like a motherfucker.

After a decent run, we all got completely confused when the wimp rambo rejoined, and we all found our own ways down the hill, not knowing which trail we were following – except BF of course – he knew where to go!