Tag Archives: Horny Monkey

10th November – CH4 – Graven Image & Byte My Yahoo

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With 2 runs to set (one for Ch4 and the other for Ch3), the hares decided to do it all in one day causing mass confusion in the first part of the run when we came at a circle check from the wrong direction. Turns out that it wasn’t part of Monday’s run, but confusing just the same. Luckily, it was Chuck Wao that called us all back away from heading on the trail the wrong way, then it was check after check after bloody check.

A combination of v-checks, cross checks, circle checks and a few false trails had hashers twisting around all over the place and in close distance to one another. Visitor, Rachel from Oregon, sent None of Your Business off to check the wrong way at a cross check before reluctantly heading off on her own. Every time she heard someone say “checking”, she would turn around and tip-toe back to the group… except that the direction that she had chosen ended up being the right way! This happened a few times, but it was Horny Monkey that ran away from the pack getting a consecutive number of checks correct.

Lots of checks right up to the On-In had all of the FRB’s coming in rather close together. Despite an early mistake and the co-hare having camped out in his car all night, they had set a good run. Graven did a great job of keeping the energy up and the circle going despite a tired group of hashers. A typically pleasant Sunday hash.

21s October – CH3 – Humperdick

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Humperdick is a good hare and when I set off from work, I was certain we were in for a treat… Even if it was going to be a brief one as the run wasn’t going to start any earlier! (As the circle later turned into a Thai lesson “ดื้อ” springs to mind. Anyway, with little hope of finishing in daylight, we set off on Humper’s run.

The checks were excellent. Clearly well thought out, and sneaky – I would have been proud of them and been chuckling to myself as I spied on the erroneous hashers from behind the bushes – only this time I was a runner, not a hare! First check, of course I got it wrong. Foolishly I ran back and got back to the lead at the 2nd check, which I also got wrong. It was a trend – the first to the check were likely to get it wrong. The landscape and our history were begging the run to go clockwise around to the right, but the hare disagreed.

Humpers found some good trails and checks to take us back over the other side of the road. I ran along with Horny remarking at what a great run it was (a bit premature). We hit a gate that had been sneakily electrified, and the brief shock was compounded by the skiddy sticks. Bugger! We headed ominously towards the hills, and when finally the good trails ran out the hare didn’t give up, and forged a creative path straight up the shiggy, along a ridge and back down. There was no trail, but apparently the hare had assumed there would be.

We got back down, and inexplicitly the hare decided to take us back up again, another steep climb, only to cut over to the left and cut back down again. why? We’ll never know… Graven meanwhile had thought better of the trail and reappeared ahead of us having taken a much nicer trail along the bottom of the hill the other side. If only the hare had found it!

It was getting dark and we were hacking through shiggy… It was dark and we were approaching a road… It was pitch black and we were heading along the road, On-In and beer was waiting.

12th October – CSH3 – Horny Monkey

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Horny is the hare… shall we go? The run site – some village coffee shop near 700 year stadium… shall we go? The GM out of town and Square Rooter appointed acting GM – wtf… shall we go? It seemed to have everything going against it!

Anyway, None of Your Business wanted to go along, so I drove off to the run-site… For some reason Horny had decided to try to hide his hash signs – much like a hare hides the first paper after a circle check. We weren’t the only ones driving around in circles, until I checked my phone and remembered the run time had changed – the run had just started and we were still looking for a sign! Finally we got there, stumbled out of the car and set off running through the village.

After a very long check I found myself out in front only for the trail to disappear. With hindsight it seems it should have been skiddy sticks, but nobody found them – instead everyone dispersed and ended up on trail up ahead. A very confusing section, that hours later we still couldn’t really figure out what had happened. We would probably still be running backwards and forwards around a big digger, kicking out the same V check again and again – but fortunately the hare stepped out and sent us in the right direction.

Another very long check and finally we were teased with a nice trail – it was brief as imminently we hit skiddy sticks. I say ‘we’, but to be honest Mr. Poo had run on past them in a simple joy about the beautiful trail he’d found. It was back again and after a little stumble we were heading up a little hill. Now Horny had managed to get in my head, and he was confusing me. I’d seen the circle checks on the main road, but were they real? My first guess was they were fakes, or were they? Damnit!

Horny somehow had pulled out a decent run – i.e. it wasn’t a complete fuck up! He’d even put together a figure of 8, and he only needed to tell us what to do once! (It happened to be at the meeting point of the ‘8’, but hey!

16th Sept – CH3 – Horny Monkey

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Mr. 100% man Horny Monkey! At 4pm I was chatting with Poo as a storm came by – my office grew dark, the rains came down, we both debated whether to brave it or not… Fortunately when I got there the rain was easing, and co-hare Tip Toe was strolling around with an air of confidence, although he was noticeably concerned about a lack of Monkey.

Finally the hash cash showed up, we had an elaborate harebrief where 1 skiddy stick just wouldn’t be enough to get the point across. Harebrief done he pointed us off straight into some thick undergrowth – that was only the start… The thick undergrowth was mild compared with what was to come. We got scratched up with the typical Chiang Mai stickers, Sups took a face plant, and we ended up going around in circles in a “field” – memorable as I remembered another crappy run there! That inside information let me avoid one deadend, but I still hit plenty of skiddy sticks.

We finally hacked our way through the fields and finally hit a short bit of running trail. Short… it took us up to the road so we could hit some tarmac. The last bit was bizarrely twisty. We know Horny likes to set 10k runs on a postage stamp, and today was another one of those – well 5k anyway. When we got back to a bridge after a 2k loop, I realised how close I was to finding the wrong true trail. I guess it worked the way he intended it to, and certainly kept us running around in circles.

15th September – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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The words “Monumental Fuck Up” have long been associated with hares such as Horny Monkey & Turkish Delight, but today we had Mr. Poo as the hare – could he break into the elite group of haring disasters? Well, he tried…

When I arrived Poo was already covered in mud, sweat and powder, so it was slightly confusing when he announced he’d be live haring and ran off carrying just 2 small powder bottles. The hare brief was so brief & confusing that we didn’t really know what to do. Rather than chasing him, we sat down and discussed things for a while and when he didn’t show up again, we reluctantly set off in the direction he’d gone.

At the 2nd check Semen Sores ran into Poo coming the other way. Apparently he had got lost, chatted up some monks and thought we would be somewhere else (other than on his trail). SS was so surprised that he forgot to ravage Poo, and let him get away. As reinforcements arrived we found the powder, including an arrow that pointed in the wrong direction. Itchy Bitchy was about to head back to the A saying ‘screw this’ – Able Seaman hadn’t even bothered setting off. Incredibly Kwazi found trail from further along the path and we started to piece things together. A couple more circle checks and there was an option to go up the mountain – Suckit was scared off by a bull, but Kwazi, Hump me Now and myself set off up the hill, only for trail to be called off to the right. Kwazi opted to keep going up the hill, and after a brief toilet break I went back to set off on the true trail. Only when I got back to the circle, Mr. Poo was busy ‘fixing’ the trail – he started following Kwazi up the hill.

Still confused I set off after the “ONON” calls, as Poo told me it didn’t count as catching him – apparently we were supposed to run the pre-laid loop before having our way with him. Up the hill, and we ran into Kwazi going the other way. The checks were easy now as we knew where the trail couldn’t go. As I checked off the last circle, I suddenly spotted Poo making a break for it, laying powder from off to the left. He promptly wrote the On-In over my shoes, and raced with SS back to the A bucket.

If the objective was to confuse us, he succeeded…

9th May – CH3 – SkidMark

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What do you expect? Skiddy from the flats to the south of CNX – during rainy season… I expect to get wet…

At a restaurant and dinner ordered, we got our hare brief and set off. I planned a steady start and watched as Humperdick & Horny Monkey set the early pace. Along the road and I assume they were calling, but it was drowned out by the cars. The first check took us across the railway, and the 2 FRBs danced in front of the train leaving the rest of us to follow behind. Soon it wouldn’t matter – it was on to a trail hacked out of the fields by Skiddy’s machete. It was hard going and certainly not running terrain… The reward at the end? A set of Skiddy sticks hidden disguised in the long grass… You know things aren’t going well when it’s Sups’ whistle that leads you the way…

We ran through a huge construction yard, with the simple goal of reaching the highway, and ran along the highway with cars flying past at 140-160kmph. A moments refuge and a beer with the promise of beautiful ladies and the delivery of a grumpy father. Whatever, we move on through Skiddy’s favourite bridges and danced through some trees. It was time to haul ass, and put some effort in. We crossed the train tracks again, and I spotted a bit of paper across the road, woot.. With a small mistake I nailed a few checks and was out ahead. We were nearly back, and surely I had it in the bag… A glance over my shoulder and there was Suckit, Poo and Horny on my tail. Another check – goddamnit! It has to be to the right? surely? not to the left? But there didn’t seem a way through, so the 4 of us checked down the street to the left… Only to hear Ting Tong calling back to the right… AAARGH! So close, but at least the food was good!

19th August – CH3 – Frozen Dick

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Frozen had been begging me to go for days, confidently claiming virgin terrain and a memorable ridge, so I got out of work to go along and see what he had in store. He launched into the hare brief with a pun about golly gullys and something about a ridge. We set off and within yards of the A bucket we hit the first circle check. With a steep hill up to the right, I headed straight for the higher ground – Skiddy went straight, while Horny set off in between towards a quarry. I was nearing the top of the hill when Horny called from somewhere below to my left – the trail was bending to the left, so I decided not to give up the higher ground, and keep going – luckily I ran into a circle check and some paper, and moments later spotted Horny below me calling the next Circle – On On!

Having checked one way, I set off the other way, and found paper down the other side of the rise – rounding a corner there was a tempting trail off to the left, and I could have put money on imminently hitting a false trail – sure enough, I picked up the stick and met the rest of the FRBs as they got to the true trail. Shortly later a V check left Skiddy the wrong side of a gully, and I got the first pick at a circle check in the next gully. Climbing the ridge beyond, there was a nice little trail heading up the hill. Skiddy called OnOn from right beneath me and I could see his bald head scrambling along a gorge about 15m straight down beneath me. I decided (again) not to give up the higher ground, and kept going, running into the trail a short while later.

We headed up, up, up and I hit a few checks right, before Alice caught me at a circle on a ridge that went several ways. I followed him along a good running trail that went along the top of the hill – made for hashers! At the next check Alice bore right and down, while I bore left and down – perhaps my better sense of direction? Either way I was on, and swung from tree to tree on a fast descent. I got to the bottom and recognised the little clearing with a circle check – we had been here before, but from a different direction – perhaps an Anything run? A good check there had me a long way in the wrong direction, and eventually trapped in the wrong gully. I couldn’t hear anyone, but had a good guess which side to climb out, and as I reached the top of a ridge, the rest of the hashers were crossing a saddle just below me. I quickly cut across and found Soapy in the lead, only for the trail to cut sharply left and Skiddy to take over.

Not that it’s a race, but the lead was rotating nicely. It was down to timing, and ‘only being as good as your last check’. I got to the last check with Skiddy, and turned tail straight back in the direction my gut told me the cars were. I was right, and Horny joined me for the OnIn. Hopefully it won’t go to his head, but it was an excellent run by Frozen Dick!

11th August – CH4 – Horny Monkey

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Horny kindly stepped up to the plate so I could spend the day with Terror Byte for his birthday, so I figured around 5pm, it was time to get away, get some exercise and see what he’d come up with… Expectations are generally low when you see HM on the hareline, and he generally finds a way to fall short of even the lowest expectations…

Anyway, the fitness park between CMU & the zoo – about 800m from Horny’s house, the closest you could get… Rather than waiting for the rain to stop this morning, he headed out to lay trail. Failing to prepare is like preparing to fail, and when HM realised that powder probably wouldn’t last long, he cut up about 5 pages of the yellow pages (into tiny tiny squares) and proceeded to try and set a run with it. The yellow pages has several properties – first when it gets when it quickly vanishes, 2nd, when it is cut small enough it looks exactly like the leaves it’s been dropped in and when used sparingly, is impossible to lay a trail with!

Horny also forgot about taking anything with which to lay checks, so improvised by graffiti – spray painting circles on the street. And it turned out the street was in CMU. We had to climb over a gate to break into the uni grounds – as I work there, I wasn’t sure quite what to think, but hey – On On! Confusion reigned from the start of the run, until the point that the majority of the pack abandoned the effort…

Highlights(?) or lowlights(?)… Well, laying the trail through the College of Arts Media and Technology – I hope no one recognised me! HM also decided to skirt around the women’s dorm, and take us right by the Men’s Dorm – anything we should know? Anyway – across the other side of the uni, by my office, with cars driving all around us, it was impossible to hear anyone call, and trail was hard to find, so I gave in and headed back to the B site (fortunately HM had told us he was taking us ‘home’). Not far behind me, half the rest of the pack also gave up (but without really knowing where HM lived) – fortunately I intercepted them walking aimlessly around on Huay Kaew Road. As for the rest? Who knows? After close to an hour and a half, I set off home for dinner with Terror Byte.

10th August – CSH3 – Reverse Thrust

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Hmmmm… What to say? Before the run started the hares gave an extended brief to the visitors, before an elaborate one to us – something about Mexican hats, balls, different V checks, etc… Nobody listened and we just set off… Around the corner was the first circle check and after 5 paces I spied some paper – it was only about 30 metres from the check, so I called cautiously, and started looking for more paper – past the usual shelter and the trail seemed to continue from down by the road.

“ON ON!” and we were running along the lake, only to be “Looking” again, and then “ON ON!” again… “Looking” again… “ON ON!” again… What was going on? Strange set so far, and as I rounded a corner we found a circle hidden away in a bush, hashers running all over the place yet with a somewhat clear paper trail heading off to the left??? I know that normally when Reverse Thrust gets to circle checks there is already paper leading away from it, but this was a bit strange… Around a field to a wall, with a little message asking us to be quiet, and a ladder to ‘help’ us get down… Through a little moobahn, and to the road. Again, “Looking!” – at least it was keeping the pack together behind some fast visiting FRBs, but it can’t have been anything like the harebrief! Again we found a circle and just off to the left some paper – it wasn’t until we got through a field and saw the hares looking bemused, that we discovered we were going backwards. (Well it is REVERSE THRUST).

Horny Monkey had been listening to instructions about mexican hats, but mistook some flower pots for them and wasted time looking for balls underneath – eejit! Incidently we were supposed to be at the Ag centre, but he’d done a good job finding something different… On the other hand, there is a reason we normally run on the same trails – less stinking muddy cow shit to paddle through! Less Barbed Wire gaps to crawl through… Less fences to scramble round, over, through…! Finally we got back to the Ag Centre area, and then it was time for a quick short cut back to the A.

19th March – CH3 – Dog Shit

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Doggie was back, and picked a “new” area just north of Maejo University – along the way to the Tiger Head, but not that far. Right on time, the regulars were explained about circles and skiddy checks before being let loose on the trail. With a warning of about 7km, we reluctantly set off slowly.

After the first check, I recognised where we were from an HRA run last year – as did he as he gleefully lapped up the trail. Angry Inch seemed to manage to keep appearing in front of me – I have no idea how he managed to do it! Well, except for the obvious – he short cut at every opportunity as usual, and for once got lucky!

At the first set of sticks, Semen Soars did the honorable thing – it was a long check, and he was well ahead running at speed – oops! Skiddy has hared with Doggie several times, as well as having given him a ride to the run, so perhaps had inside information? Either way, he was on good form, near the front as we finally turned to the right, promptly to run down the wrong side of the hill – as I again followed Angry Inch, Skiddy managed to appear ahead of us again. Lots of intelligent running going on out there!

My legs started getting weary – this run was LONG! I felt like we had some way still to go… Somewhere up ahead (or technically behind), Frozen had decided to short cut, and then he found Skiddy Sticks ahead of the pack. The ONLY point of checks is to slow the front runner down, and bring the pack together… Doggie had carefully picked an ideal spot for sticks – so what did FD do? Decided to move them like an FRB should. Freaking FD!!! HRA didn’t see them and got confused when he ran into a single stick. Horny Monkey and Angry Inch called “Skiddy Sticks” when they saw the arrow, which prompted Semen Sores and I to go back looking for another trail. Meanwhile Graven was off the front somewhere ahead.

Ugh, well, we got back in the end – 9.84km according to GI’s GPS!