Tag Archives: Dog Shit

25th March, CH3, Byte My Yahoo

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

So what to expect from Cuddly Ken – Chiang Mai’s most innocent and alluring male Hasher (as well as most intelligent) … hummm … he hates hills, to date has set great running trails and is dab hand at the BBQ.

With a little telegraphing he’d be setting a slightly longer run – after both CSH3 and CH4 both >7km affairs – there was a certain degree of trepidation about what BmY had in store for us. None of this was eased when arriving at the A bucket – with him going on about how he’d set the run at 6AM and had been rehydrating on beer ever since – he even quipped to Belly Dancer that he had some doubt if BD would even make it back – I began to think there might be a muaahh aspect to this run.

The hare brief was absurdly short – just circle checks – and off out we were sent down a dirt road and it was 800m before the first circle check appeared – those who’d attempted None of Your Business’s storm truncated CH4 run had some advantage and soon found trail – and this continued with copious checks keeping us all together until the ‘hill’!

Hill – WTF – this is BmY – who professes to hate hills, and no small hill at that – up and up the bastard went and apart from the specially invited FRB In and Out – who checked like a demon all over the place and still ran up the mountain – the weary pack ground their way up BmY’s hellish rock strewn trail.

At the ‘top’ of course there was a check and the pack was all over the place looking for the trail – Kwazi Moto declared no more hills for him and vanished somewhere, leaving BD with Square Rooter and Dog Shit. Of course they sailed down the hill – rather rock strewn death trap – and fortunately Square Rooter held back long enough to indicate where the trail headed (right) – Doggy vanished – perhaps he found the real (nice & safe) trail Humprdick had found but the circle check had been kicked out straight down the 27’ slope!

Way down nearing the bottom of the slope of death – HRA appeared with Angry Inch who’d lost his GPS in an earlier tumble, and HRA valiantly assisted BD down the most evil part of the hill. Into the gully and putting a little cantor on with HRA – we got back in touch with Square Rooter and Semen Soars and later on Fishy Finger too. Up the slope Horny Monkey was commanding everyone to stick together which was much appreciated.

At last into what we were expecting from a BmY run – the more familiar dirt trails and with some disgust – black top/concrete road which had checks a plenty.

At the point where we came to the quarry we were all very close together – Humperdick appearing from left field after checking behind a wall for 400m – with a glance a GPS showing ~1km to the A bucket and the sun well and truly set – HRA again kindly stick with me and a ghostly Graven Image came up on our rear as BmY’s final evil twist of a stinking stream had to be navigated before the final jog in along 800m of filthy dirt road.

Amazingly BmY achieved the rare feat of getting the whole pack in (ex a short cutting Kwazi) with ~ 10 minutes of each other. In and Out and Graven Image had ~10km on their GPS and I had 7.4km.

A tough run – a bit bigger postage stamps would have helped on the confidence of not getting lost in the dark – but a well set run. BmY did deliver on expectations in the BBQ department – I don’t believe he made the burgers but thanks for a good feed and Horny led an entertaining circle.


19th March – CH3 – Dog Shit

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Doggie was back, and picked a “new” area just north of Maejo University – along the way to the Tiger Head, but not that far. Right on time, the regulars were explained about circles and skiddy checks before being let loose on the trail. With a warning of about 7km, we reluctantly set off slowly.

After the first check, I recognised where we were from an HRA run last year – as did he as he gleefully lapped up the trail. Angry Inch seemed to manage to keep appearing in front of me – I have no idea how he managed to do it! Well, except for the obvious – he short cut at every opportunity as usual, and for once got lucky!

At the first set of sticks, Semen Soars did the honorable thing – it was a long check, and he was well ahead running at speed – oops! Skiddy has hared with Doggie several times, as well as having given him a ride to the run, so perhaps had inside information? Either way, he was on good form, near the front as we finally turned to the right, promptly to run down the wrong side of the hill – as I again followed Angry Inch, Skiddy managed to appear ahead of us again. Lots of intelligent running going on out there!

My legs started getting weary – this run was LONG! I felt like we had some way still to go… Somewhere up ahead (or technically behind), Frozen had decided to short cut, and then he found Skiddy Sticks ahead of the pack. The ONLY point of checks is to slow the front runner down, and bring the pack together… Doggie had carefully picked an ideal spot for sticks – so what did FD do? Decided to move them like an FRB should. Freaking FD!!! HRA didn’t see them and got confused when he ran into a single stick. Horny Monkey and Angry Inch called “Skiddy Sticks” when they saw the arrow, which prompted Semen Sores and I to go back looking for another trail. Meanwhile Graven was off the front somewhere ahead.

Ugh, well, we got back in the end – 9.84km according to GI’s GPS!

23rd Feb – CSH3 – Skid Mark

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Skiddy teamed up with Doggie and found a secluded alley near San Kampaeng for the runsite – so secluded that Human Excrement tried to sneak Gung into the bushes for a quickie before everyone else arrived. Fail!

The hare brief introduced another Skiddy special graph of the run elevation profile – with a largely exaggerated axis that on closer inspection revealed a total difference of 7m. It would have been tricky to find any hills out there.

We set off and after getting the first check right, my run turned into an epic adventure of failing at every check. The run brought together some rice fields and some bridges in typical Skiddy style. All was going smoothly until we were checking and heard a voice like Skiddy call across the field “Go back! You’ve gone too far!!!” Bizarrely a set of Skiddy sticks had been mistaken for a circle check! Somewhat strange to put a smiley face at a different type of check – which confused the hell out of everyone…

After the beer check Chuckie and I gained a bit of an advantage – not because we were on trail, but some cunning parallel running on the road had us back on paper before HRA led the pack through the fields.

Eventually we ended up at Doggie’s newly refurbished restaurant for a small plate of cauliflower!

9th December – CH4 – Snail Trail

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.3/10 (4 votes cast)

Snail Trail was the hare, but when the run directions appeared it was clear she didn’t have much to do with it! The runsite was the same as Skiddy’s recent male hash and after hearing complaints from those who crawled through his tunnel of love the first time he decided to send us through it twice this time.

Everyone was early – except Big Top and Dogshit who had gone to the restaurant rather than to the runsite! After standing around for a bit, we set off and I led the way through the tunnel crawl. With Kwazi behind I was able to check in 2 directions before anyone else emerged from the tunnel. Sadly they were the wrong directions and not for the last time I was running around in circles and overtaking Doggie as Robin Banks led the pack. Sure enough we were heading the reverse as the previous run, but most times rather than going right and left, we’d go left and right, if that makes sense. Check out the map, I was all over the place.

Finally we locked in on the old trail, and wary for Skiddy sticks I was looking down the side trails. I spied some paper off to the right – Damn! it was old paper from Sups’ run. But it had to be coming up soon – sure enough at the next junction, I turned right and was on the true trail. Unplugged and Mr. Poo didn’t want to trust me, so they followed Humperdick to the skiddy sticks. Ha! I was locked in following the previous trail back to the rice fields, across the rice fields.

Then I remembered a little scramble trail that Skiddy had used before – surely he’d do it again? Damn it! I got torn up and was stuck in the middle of nowhere when half the pack overtook calling on on from the road nearby, with no easy way of me getting back. Back through the tunnel and beer time. Lots of excellent checks and another good set.

14th October – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast)

A BmY live hared always gets the blood pumping a bit faster and after reading Frozen Dick’s Facebook post about how a trail is a ‘work of art’ – I fully expected BmY to apply his vast intelligence into setting something pretty special.

However …. Evil Big Top conspired with Chuck Wao and Mr Poo to thwart his endeavours the night before by plying him with beer. Grease Gorilla too had been enlisted to further fill him with sambuca …. Fortunately I decided that a peaceful night before Anything came back from Phuket was a more sensible option than heading into town (no one saw me did they? 5555).

I got a bleary phone call at 12:35 Sunday lunchtime from BmY asking be to bring along a powder bottle – rats had devoured his bottles – and I asked if his co-hare was ready? There was earlier promise of Fish and Tits co-haring with BmY, but he forlornly said since she learnt of her role in the run – she had gone A.W.O.L.

So I headed off (yet again) to Doi Suckit and BmY’s favourite running territory and there was a nervous panic stricken BmY waiting – hummm – whats to become of this? BmY then proceeded to tell me about the dump trucks carrying away his run!! This did not look promising at all – I was even more perturbed when he told me where he had hidden the beer – did he seriously think I would get there first to find it!?

A good crowd of 28 turned up and a shaking BmY got on with the hare brief (well … a rather long brief) and after Skid Mark had been selected for precision time keeping – BmY was given a 5 minute head start.

Grease Gorilla had brought KY and was eager to run BmY down – Chuck Wao and Mr Poo looked like they’d just fallen out of bed. Humperdick along with Cant Stop Cumming, Cock Climber and her sexy sister (Clit Climber?) led the early charge.

On Out and as usual I got to the first check and proceeded to get it wrong … just … as Cant Stop Cumming just found the paper ahead of me … BmY had won the day at this check as all the FRB’s were totally off course and must have taken 2 or 3 minutes for them to regain the lead.

Through some modest shaggy and then round BmY’s scenic lakes – this was some great hashing – the checks kept the pack nicely together with me alternating between which was the better view – the trail, Knockout or Seman Soars daughter Lauren (Pussy Sores?).

On the look out for the BN (beer near) marking and BmY’s cryptic description of where to find it – after 2.3km there was the FRB huddle were supping into it. It turns out that 6 can’s was enough for everybody – more smart thinking BmY! I (stupidly) thought that this was half way and would help BmY out by bringing his mini-eske back – humm – not a smart move on my part!!

A little before we got to the main canal – a V-check totally screwed the FRB’s – it had been kicked out wrong as I arrived, perhaps it was Cant Stop Cumming who went the right way and called on – but by now BmY was no doubt back at the ‘B’(?) supping his 2nd beer.

At the canal the obligatory check left the temptation to head back down the road a tempting option – surely BmY would not have much more left in him? Wrong – the run became a bit more challenging – with a circle check hidden by a stream crossing catching us all out and bringing the pack together – Skid Mark or Dog Shit I think found the innocuous little trail off this.

Through some shiggy and then some road (hummm) … then into a buffalo field that forced us to slow down and finally the pack was dispersing. Glancing at the GPS as we finally reached the canal again – 6.66km!!

BmY claimed an 11 minute gap on FRB Chuck Wao – well done Sir – a great RUN despite the attempts to thwart you!!

An exhausted BmY handed the circle over to RA Mr Poo – who did a fine job entertaining the circle. (Lovely) Dog Shit’s new girlfriend (Nam Tarn) was awarded the female wings and Humperdick unjustly got the male wings for admiring Knockout’s butt!!

OnOnOn to the restaurant opposite the Airport in anticipation of picking up the Bunnies returning from Phuket. More inspired planning from BmY – Thanks for a fun day – (and I want my bottle back before your rats eat it!).



7th October – CH4 – Dog Shit

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A 6 hour drive at break neck speed got me back in time for the run – almost… I picked the boys up and got back around 15 minutes late… Never mind, I might catch up. My legs were painful though, so it was a struggle to get moving up and over the first little hill.

The trail was a little confusing, as I later found Dog Shit out there relaying part of it – he ran off to show me the correct route, and I set off in pursuit of distant calls. After a while I came to Tip Toe, who had returned from foreign parts.

The trickiest part of the pursuit was that the checks were squares of paper, that couldn’t be kicked out, and so I had to guess a bit on each of the checks. But soon enough I spied Plan, Square Rooter and Human Excrement. As we headed quickly back towards the cars, the rest were ahead somewhere, with Chuckie and Humps doing better on both the trail and the journey back – hats off to the outstationers who got back in time to support Doggie.

Sorry – no trail map today – I left the GPS on half way back across town.

8th Sept – CSH3 – Skid Mark

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

When my GPS says the run was 4 hours… and distance 7km… then I assume Belly Dancer must have set one of his psycho runs again… The somewhat more logical answer is that I forgot to switch my GPS off once I got back to the A after a perfectly reasonable run!

Turkish Delight is C*nt.

Thought I should get that off my chest.

With a few days notice, Skiddy and Doggie stepped up and put together what was a great run. While the rains might have put some off, we still had a reasonable number show up, including my oldest son doing his first hash – many thanks to Frozen Dick for making sure he survived! The bonus is, it sounds like he wants to come back – and help babysit the youngsters in the future! 😀

We had a hare brief – it wasn’t – we left. On On. Paper dripping water. Puddles and Splashes. Up the hill? No. I played around on the mountain side for a while, before realising it wasn’t going to be an evil run. First Skiddy Checks screwed Turkish – at least I hope they did, and I couldn’t think of a more deserving character. On On.

Turkey, a.k.a. Silent Running Bastard, hit the front and chose not to call. Not a sound. Virtually everyone on the hash knew the cnut was a racist, but what can you do? The sporty FRBs like Chuckie and HRA were out of town so we were left with TD. My favourite moment of the day was seeing him out in a field after a well placed Skiddy Sticks – serve the MF right!

As we hit a village, not sure what happened to the trail… The paper was marked one way, it was as though there was a check, but no check left. Turned out the true trail was in a different direction, and TD (akacnut) found trail and wasn’t heard again.

Nonetheless, it was a GREAT trail – I really enjoyed it – great scenery, excellent checks that kept us all together, at short notice great work hares.

I also (for once) enjoyed the circle! Cameos included I Got Gas, Slippery When Wet and Anything, with a drunken Rooter also being a highlight. The On On ON was right there. Probably one of the most enjoyable hash evenings I’ve had in a while!

5th August – CH4 – Alice (with Frozen Dick)

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Apologies readers for the tardiness of my write up – it has been suggested that I am too ashamed to confess my endeavours on the run, but that isn’t the reason for delay! Anyway, my status as the World’s most Intelligent hasher, was ripped from my shoulders by Dogshit and Frozen Dick, while Square Rooter listed it as the stupidest short cut in hash history – while he pulled up a ringside seat!

Lets begin at the start – being joined in the car for the ride by Itchy Bitchy and Fish and Tits… After picking them up, I was treated to a constant barrage of conversation. As Fish & Tits only showers once a month they then started exchanging deodrants and I was quickly overcome by noxious fumes. I stopped for gas, and as soon as I paused the two ladies dived out and charged to the store to buy snacks, Mama, ice-cream and more. The runsite was probably closer to Chiang Rai than Chiang Mai, so it was a relief to finally arrive and give my ears a break! 😉 A really nice runsite, but a bit far out of town…

The out-trail was a gentle down hill trail, where I could really open up and stretch my legs. In no time I was off the front, only to turn a corner and run straight past some skiddy sticks. Heading back, through confused hashers, I found the true trail some way back down the path. HRA had meanwhile charged off in the wrong direction laughing to himself about my folly. The next circle was straight on, so me and Chuckie cruised away from the pack, until we were hit by another set of blasted Skiddy Sticks – “MOTHER FUCKER!”. Still my luck was holding and it was me that found the true trail there and for the next couple of circles… Until we got to the lake.

The trail had been great, we were gently arcing around to the left and we hit a lake with the trail running alongside it. I’d stopped thinking about potential false trails, as CW was gossiping away in my ear about the state of the economy, his latest exploits, or some such story. A circle check on the side of the lake, and it was my ‘duty’ to check straight on. Which I did, making my way around the bank of the lake – scrambling down a bank and climbing around marshes – only for the trail to be called behind me, back across the other side of the lake. DAMN you blasted hares. At this point, should I go back, or I could go on around the lake? As the trail was ‘SURE’ to continue arcing left, I decided to go on around the lake and gradually found myself getting into marshier terrain until eventually it was impassable without swimming. DS & SR shouted abuse at me, and I eventually had to turn back and sheepishly make my way back to the A site.

Lovely trail – you assholes!

28th July – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

As time passes, there is a tendency to forget past haring mistakes, but as I traveled to the run site my mind was awash with fear. I encouraged fellow hashers to come along, lets hope they would and I was encouraged that Big Top had stepped up as co-hare – surely she could control him?

Turkish made his latest erection, and gradually the parking area filled with hashers – each discussing bad experiences they’d had on TD’s runs in the past – and each talking about different runs. Big Top was delegated to give the hare brief – where she explained about the Wimp / Rambo split, and without saying it directly, she encouraged us to take the Wimp option – turns out she meant to say “Don’t do the Rambo, it’s shit!”.

Nonetheless, we set off charging through fields (without permission), towards the base of the inevitable ascent. I screwed up the first circle and rejoined the FRBs at the 2nd circle, and started checking up the hill – sure enough a bit over 100m, I spotted some paper, and gave the customary “On! On!” – just at the same time the rest of the pack were directed by Turkish in the opposite direction – the hare himself being an FRB on his own run. What to do? I was joined by Alice, Frozen Dick and Unplugged for a discussion on the side of a rocky mountain. We divided with Unplugged and I scrambling up the trail in reverse. It wasn’t much fun – rocks, trees, wasps, boulders, stones, bees, spiders, shiggy, certainly no opportunity to run.

Eventually we ran into Chuck Wao and HRA, who suggested the other half of the rambo trail was probably even worse, and persuaded us to turn back and face the rocks, spiders, bees etc. again. Finally we emerged into a field and the last 500m or so was great. The beers started flowing. The wimps returned lauding what a nice run they’d had, while none of the FRBs had anything pleasant to say. The circle started, and finally Dog Shit returned, and then later Frozen Dick.

At least the food was good! 😀