The words “Monumental Fuck Up” have long been associated with hares such as Horny Monkey & Turkish Delight, but today we had Mr. Poo as the hare – could he break into the elite group of haring disasters? Well, he tried…
When I arrived Poo was already covered in mud, sweat and powder, so it was slightly confusing when he announced he’d be live haring and ran off carrying just 2 small powder bottles. The hare brief was so brief & confusing that we didn’t really know what to do. Rather than chasing him, we sat down and discussed things for a while and when he didn’t show up again, we reluctantly set off in the direction he’d gone.
At the 2nd check Semen Sores ran into Poo coming the other way. Apparently he had got lost, chatted up some monks and thought we would be somewhere else (other than on his trail). SS was so surprised that he forgot to ravage Poo, and let him get away. As reinforcements arrived we found the powder, including an arrow that pointed in the wrong direction. Itchy Bitchy was about to head back to the A saying ‘screw this’ – Able Seaman hadn’t even bothered setting off. Incredibly Kwazi found trail from further along the path and we started to piece things together. A couple more circle checks and there was an option to go up the mountain – Suckit was scared off by a bull, but Kwazi, Hump me Now and myself set off up the hill, only for trail to be called off to the right. Kwazi opted to keep going up the hill, and after a brief toilet break I went back to set off on the true trail. Only when I got back to the circle, Mr. Poo was busy ‘fixing’ the trail – he started following Kwazi up the hill.
Still confused I set off after the “ONON” calls, as Poo told me it didn’t count as catching him – apparently we were supposed to run the pre-laid loop before having our way with him. Up the hill, and we ran into Kwazi going the other way. The checks were easy now as we knew where the trail couldn’t go. As I checked off the last circle, I suddenly spotted Poo making a break for it, laying powder from off to the left. He promptly wrote the On-In over my shoes, and raced with SS back to the A bucket.
If the objective was to confuse us, he succeeded…
Following over complicated directions took us to the A bucket behind the Ag Centre, a familiar area. Looking around at the start, it looked like Semen Sores would have to help with some checking – except, he decided to have a restful day, strolling along with Tip Toe, leaving Square Rooter to help me with the checks. We set off in a slightly different direction – this was good, had HRA found some new trails?
I ran up the first hill with Belly Dancer, and at the first check, chose to go left towards some trails that I hadn’t run before. Sadly it was off to the right back towards the familiar waterfall, but not before Frozen had confused everyone with a false call. Anyway, we slid down into a dry stream bed (apart from Blue Tit, who turned back head spinning from the previous night’s hangover!) Along the creekbed and then up a steep path the other side – I got a check right! Behind me, SR had developed a cunning strategy – if I got the check right, he’d wait at the check for me to call it, but if I was wrong, he’d go and check the right trail. Seriously he didn’t put a foot wrong, while I was all over the place.
Finally we turned down the hill along the usual route down to the waterfall cafe. At last I was home free – but this late in the run I was caught up behind Tip Toe, Cumalot, Screwed Up etc. Somehow the hare had done a stellar job of keeping the pack together. Nice <5km on some nice trails – 46 minutes, ideal!
Doggie was back, and picked a “new” area just north of Maejo University – along the way to the Tiger Head, but not that far. Right on time, the regulars were explained about circles and skiddy checks before being let loose on the trail. With a warning of about 7km, we reluctantly set off slowly.
After the first check, I recognised where we were from an HRA run last year – as did he as he gleefully lapped up the trail. Angry Inch seemed to manage to keep appearing in front of me – I have no idea how he managed to do it! Well, except for the obvious – he short cut at every opportunity as usual, and for once got lucky!
At the first set of sticks, Semen Soars did the honorable thing – it was a long check, and he was well ahead running at speed – oops! Skiddy has hared with Doggie several times, as well as having given him a ride to the run, so perhaps had inside information? Either way, he was on good form, near the front as we finally turned to the right, promptly to run down the wrong side of the hill – as I again followed Angry Inch, Skiddy managed to appear ahead of us again. Lots of intelligent running going on out there!
My legs started getting weary – this run was LONG! I felt like we had some way still to go… Somewhere up ahead (or technically behind), Frozen had decided to short cut, and then he found Skiddy Sticks ahead of the pack. The ONLY point of checks is to slow the front runner down, and bring the pack together… Doggie had carefully picked an ideal spot for sticks – so what did FD do? Decided to move them like an FRB should. Freaking FD!!! HRA didn’t see them and got confused when he ran into a single stick. Horny Monkey and Angry Inch called “Skiddy Sticks” when they saw the arrow, which prompted Semen Sores and I to go back looking for another trail. Meanwhile Graven was off the front somewhere ahead.
Ugh, well, we got back in the end – 9.84km according to GI’s GPS!
It was out to Semen’s favourite run site, and as usual people got lost.. This time I feel a little sorry for the hare as he’d built a mountain of signs and there were signs at virtually every junction – I blame the lazy Mr. Poo for fucking off on honeymoon and not getting the directions out in the sms, or perhaps the lazy HRA for not bothering with emails this week. Whatever the run was delayed and we all got there.
SS planned a live hare with assistance from his son – you should have seen his face when I told him Gorf was coming down from Chiang Rai for the run!!! He almost set off to set the run straight away, but instead adjusted his headstart from 5 to 6 minutes. Finally he set off up the temple steps and we (apart from Frozen Dick) waited dutifully for 6 minutes before setting off. At the first circle I found one thread of paper inadvertently dropped a few yards to the left, and we were off at a good pace determined to catch the bastard.
Gorf, Chuckie and I jogged along and took turns in peeling off on the wrong trail until we got to the first “Graven” Check. Wow – SS must love GI, he picked him out for special attention! Fortunately GI was right up there with us and we continued out into the rice fields with Angry Inch tagging along – the little guy was determined not to do any checking, preferring to play a game of “follow the leader”. Even he decided not to short cut though as there wouldn’t be paper there yet to cut across to.
I like the concept of live hares, and the pace was quick – we didn’t know he’d planned an 8 km monster! We looped around and crossed the canal, only to come back across at the next bridge and head into the rice fields. It isn’t the right time of year to be on the rice walls – is there a good time? One farmer was justifiably annoyed, particularly when None of Your Business decided to straight line it destroying his crops. I pottered along trying not to do much damage, and then lucked out when the trail did a big zig zag. We got back onto the out trail, and a tired (blistered) Chucky came alongside and we walked in together putting the world to rights!