Tag Archives: Cool Balls

14th Jan – CSH3 – Foxy & TMB

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It seems like every week is a ‘special’ run, with hares putting extra efforts in as the hash goes from strength to strength! We had the Xmas Eve run, the New Years Eve run, the Ball Breaker, and now a barbecue run at Foxy’s new place, with special contributions from 3 1/2 Inch, Anti Virus and Turkish Delight. The event drew out from the wordwork the likes of Bone Hur (& Bone Idol) amongst the throng of regulars and visitors! Numbers seemed reasonable when we set off on the run, but clearly quite a few extras didn’t realise just how (ffing) far down Hang Dong road it was, and just how many traffic lights we had to get through – the likes of Super family, Cool Balls & family, and the Shagless wedding party arriving late.

Those that were ready set off immediately to a circle check in the middle of Foxy’s compound. Finally Turkish found the trail after we had broken through a fence and escaped – he found trail, but waited a while before letting anyone else know, and it took the rest of us a while longer to figure out how to get to where he was calling from. We followed after Turkish and got to another circle. Turkish had gone 100m or so to the right, Brownie was reluctantly checking ahead, and while another couple milled around the check, I begrudgingly checked to the left – towards the Hang Dong road… It was a 0%’er, but someone had to do it. I got a full 100 paces, slowly, before that Tvrkish fvcking cvnt called. Tw@t c0ck tvrd d!ck cvnt. We saw him in the distance as we ran across a field to another circle. Again I got it wrong and checked right. I suspect Turkish had had time to check that way already, but others caught him as the call came – I didn’t see him again until he was sat back at the runsite. SCB.

Obscene led for a while, and suddenly we hit a very familiar trail – yes, Shagless had set here. A false trail to the right brought the pack together and then it was HRA and I checking forwards on the road. It was quite a way, but finally we found powder. The next circle was tucked around the corner. Brownie and Scooby carried along the road, and then pointed left and cut across. I went around the corner and saw them on a parallel road pointing at a tree. They said they had paper, but seemed confused about what to do. Apparently the BB screw up has given them mental scars and they were fearful of calling. Coming from the correct direction it made pretty good sense, the paper hidden on the back of the tree, and I set off. Brownie followed while Scooby continued confusing the pack behind us – arriving at the next check with only Brownie and Bob was a bit weird, but we all managed to check in completely the wrong places, twice, and now I was way behind again. Damn, I was getting everything wrong.

The trails were familiar, and I spent some time slowly moving towards the front, at one point the trail suddenly turned right, and I called Poo & Scooby back after they’d carried on forwards – well I called Poo back, and then spent a minute trying to remember what to call Scooby. Whatever, it worked, and we rejoined the front as they came back from a false trail. There was an obvious alternative, but I wasn’t placed in the right place to check it, so rather than just milling around I went left, and again was left behind. I was getting tired, and seemed to be constantly playing catch up, only to get it wrong when I did catch up.

Lizard Gizzard was ahead, but his advantage was negated by the pack recognising where we were and most not bothering to run around an extra loop. The pace had been quick – sub 7min per km, and I was starting to feel the pain. I dropped back a bit and watched the FRBs play the game. We could see Big C and I knew we weren’t far from home. We turned into a Moobaan, and there was a check that caught out most of the FRBs, and suddenly I was near the front with Graven and the Lizard. The Lizard missed trail for a moment and I was chasing Graven down – surely we would be home v. soon?? Trail turned abruptly left and suddenly the ground was spongy, moist and uneven. I walked taking care of my footing, while the rest of the pack charged past me. Half of them promptly sank waist deep into a nasty trap set my the hares! I remembered another run by Shagless when the same thing happened at the same point, but I can’t quite remember who it was that sank. We emerged back to the rice paddies, and Angry and I checked to the left along the edge of the fields, trying to avoid damaging them. Around 100m from the check, at the edge of the field, I spied Superman and Superbitch scuttling along the other side of a small creek – they were ON, so AI & I hopped over the creek and trudged in. Mostly a good running trail, but it really shows how long it takes to recover from a Ball Breaker like last week…

7th December – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Why does Cool Balls hate us? We were lacking some of the FRBs away at the male outstation, but we’d be fine. When I arrived at the runsite, no one was there, and ominously it was the place Big Top had picked for her highway run a few weeks before. I was confident Cool Balls would put something decent together – until I heard that he only found out he was hare the day before… Uhoh!

I jogged off with Brown Finger, and we tagged our way through the first few checks, with Big Top, None of Your Business and Humperdick just behind. The trail was up, and when I say trail, I am being generous. It was a scramble through jesus trees, with the occasional bit of paper to encourage us we might get out of it alive! Somehow we hit a road in the middle of nowhere and ran up it. I hit a 200m checkback off a V check, and never saw Brown Finger again.

I could hear him ahead from time to time, but the checks needed to be broken again, and soon enough None of Your Business, Humperdick and I think Crap Thai joined me at a check that really shouldn’t have been as hard as I found it! I checked all over before I followed NOYB down a steep hack. NOYB took off like a pubescent kid trying to outrun his Dad for the first time – an ambition that was just beyond him this time… ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’ve spent a bunch of time (>80km) scouting for the Ball Breaker, and I’ve ruled out “trails” that were much better than this! Perhaps I should re-evaluate? ๐Ÿ˜‰

31st August – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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The “A” Bucket was an orchid farm in the Maesa valley, a location that Sups couldn’t quite get to on time, so we set off without him. The trail set off and at the first opportunity we hit the rice fields, a balancing game along little walls, and it was Sloppy Rod that demonstrated his gymnastic abilities nimbly dancing ahead like a fairy! Only for him to be thwarted at the first V check.

We got across to a road, and the trail started going up, and up, and up… For a while we cut off trail and headed back down the hill, only to have to climb back up again when we hit the trail – it was as if the hares were completely disoriented stumbling around in the jungle. When we hit the main trail, we followed it up, up, up and finally hit the road about 3km higher up the mountain than where we’d started. Fortunately the hare was waiting for us there with beers and a ride back to the A. Some foolish runners decided to run back down the hill, we picked some up, and passed the others.

An uphill hash… Just what we need before heading out on Square Rooter’s Doi Suthep run today… :(

6th October – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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It’s outstation time! Cool Balls had been warming up to this epic for weeks! First up it’s at Khun Yuam – about 20km north of Mae Sariang… 20km MY FUCKING ASS!!! Close to 100km along steep winding roads more like it. Once everyone had signed up he offered us half a dozen different ways to get there – the quickest of which was about 5 hours – short of hiring a helicopter of course!

Hashers straggled into the resort throughout the afternoon, weary from their rides / drives etc. We drank our way through Friday evening, with a restful day on Saturday, UNTIL 3pm when we gathered for the hash. I’d noticed Cool Balls and Redundant Semen slip away for around 4 hours in the morning, which was ominous… It was more ominous when Cool Balls appeared to lose the start of his run – emphasized as it took us 700m to find the first bits of paper.

Shortly after Chuckie and I split at the first V check – he was right, I was wrong. Where I say ‘first’ V check, actually it was the ONLY V check. And it seemed there were only 2 more circle checks to go as well – in 9.5km… YES 9.5km with 3 checks!

The trail led us down to a river, with a nice concrete bridge over it – apparently the only bridge the hares could find! I caught up with CW as he was turning back from a water crossing – I persuaded him otherwise and he joined the rest of the crazy hashers for a dip – not much that can be done on an A->B run! If you go back to the start, there’ll be nobody there…

We gamboled our way through some rice fields, with HRA and Anything somewhere up front. Chuckie vocalised his displeasure in typical style as we jogged on to a snake and leach infested corn field. A circle check had us all confused and 30 odd hashers dispersed through the field following what appeared to be trail, but which then trickled out. Finally Skiddy found the trail, the other side of the river, and we all dutifully waded through it. Lucky Skiddy had his camera to capture the moment. We then waded along the river to where the cars were waiting at a “B” stop.

After a beer, it was HRA that rustled up some hashers to go out on a 2nd leg – Humperdick showing fine form, with Unplugged, Snail Trail, Anything, Big Top, Cumalot, HRA, BmY, Skiddy braving the inevitable hill. Sure enough, he sent us back over the river (over a bridge this time), and straight to the foot of mount doom. There were no more checks, it was just a straight up climb. Probably one of the steepest hills Thailand has to offer, and every step sapped my energy to the point of collapse near the top. Fortunately, what goes up, must come down, and the downhill was a great running trail. I opened up, tracking Humpers, but only catching him when he screwed up at an invisible check – the cunning hares had again found a way to bring us back together, without using checks.

Through the rice fields and we were surely on our way home… I was so weary, I’d forgotten we were the wrong side of the river. Here it was narrower, faster, the current strong on my weary legs. Humps nearly fell too, so I stalled with HRA to pluck the ladies out as they surely got swept away – or rather, I stayed to watch HRA pluck the ladies out as none of us really had any energy left. Unplugged and Anything would have found a shorter route back to Chiang Mai had HRA not rescued them.

An epic 9.5km run. It had everything – water, ricefields, trail, climbing, descending through some truly spectacular countryside. If it wasn’t for the hash we would never experience it, so as the pain subsided, we appreciated the efforts of the hares more.

19th August – CH4 – Belly Dancer

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Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A Belly Dancer run, during rainy season, from Doi Kham area… The memories came flooding back on route to the run! Nonetheless, it was one of the larger recent turnouts for the Happy Hash – perhaps Anything’s marketing, or perhaps there are just a bunch of people willing to subject themselves to challenging misery?! Dogshit thought better of it, and swiftly turned back when he saw the A site – Cool Ball’s restaurant.

We set off on the tarmac in the general direction of the hills – the were quite far off though, so surely we wouldn’t be going up there? A couple of checks in and I was going well. We hit the trail along the bottom of the mountain with an abrupt left – no check? Interesting – either we were going left (around night safari), or right (around ratchapruek), or doing a bit of a hill climb and back parallel to the out trail – my guess was the 3rd option, so why the hell did I screw up the V check? Fuck! Idiot!

As we turned off the trail into the hills, Chuckie got first choice and took the advantage. At 3.5 km the trail headed deeper into the mountains, and I bailed, heading for home… I intercepted the trail after avoiding the mountain, and jogged in comfortably. When Chuckie came in – he suggested the hill wasn’t as unpleasant as it initially appeared, but I guess Belly’s reputation had got ahead of him?

Back to Cool Balls for the circle in the garden. Highlight for me? Bloody Mary getting the circle! One of the best ad hoc splashes in history – and I think Skiddy enjoyed it too! ๐Ÿ˜‰

31st July – CSH3 Run – Cool Balls

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Cool Balls teamed up with the S&M girl for today’s adventure. After confusing directions the A was surprisingly easy to find – just 100m away from the Maerim highway. This was my first Cool Balls run – and a first for S&M too, so I was curious what the pair would come up with. ย We kicked off on the tarmac and then a big highway under construction – the circle there took far too long to find and Get’s Wet and I were way back.

As we hit the ‘hills’ we had to scramble up a little escarpment to find the trails – Golden Showers had to scramble up twice after an impressive tumble back down. The trails in the hills seemed to go around in circles with no clear direction and a large part of the pack took advantage of this finding a good short cut as we suddenly ran into most of the usual suspects – Hollow Legs, Pamela, Dick the Wonderless, Superman – and then the road suddenly appeared in front of us – and this was where the hares had their main surprise.

The Aqueduct! (Not a viaduct as Superman thought, but an Aqueduct). It seemed to go on for ever with a narrow path and a small rail to balance on to avoid the drop to the river and rice fields. Dickless Wonder was following Sups and needed to duck out the way each time the FRBs passed with Chuck Wao, HRA and Son of A Bitch leading the charge. Down below Horny Monkey and I spotted Belly Dancer on trail and that gave us good clues about what was to come after the aqueduct. Back onto tarmac and back to the beers. A tough run, but a good one!