19th December – CH3 – ABB

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ABB teamed up with Sheep Shagger, and it was the back of the Ag. Center. SS is quite new to hashing, and while ABB has been hashing forever in Bangkok, he’s joined us since we stopped using the Ag. Centre trails as regularly as we used to… Which means that most of the pack knows those trails really fucking well, and probably better than the hares could find in a new visit… (I could search the archives for the day that Frozen and I decided we would try to find something virgin there… and failed). There are no virgins to be found, and it takes clever checks to deceive the Ag Center sluts.

We set off and were immediately on the trail along the back of the wall, Brownie and I discussed which side of the wall we would go, and he was right – it was left. Although the very first NOT check, was deceiving with powder to the right, even though we went left. Powder when the hare brief had only talked about paper. When hashers get used to looking for powder, they look for powder, and ignore paper.

We were on powder, and Poo was ahead, with Graven. It seemed like there were several “back-checks” in a row, where we got to a junction, there was no check, and while powder lured the likes of Brownie off to the left, some of us veered right and soon found powder. It happened a few times and the pack was split. I was taking it steady, but got to a check and I knew most of the pack was off to the left, but was on paper to the right, ahead a V check, and Graven somewhere. I got to the corner of the dam, and Graven had followed powder down the hill – I waited for the inevitable “CIRCLE CHECK” before I ran across the dam and found powder. Somehow Poo was even further ahead, but added an extra loop as I joined with him as we headed over the 2nd dam. A “V” check. I was first, and of course went to the right. Poo right behind said “shall I kick it out now…? meh! Following Byte”! Some of us have been here before!

Another check, and I went right, even though I should have gone left. After 70m from the check I could see another circle… I tentatively called “CHECKING”, and moments before I got to the check, Poo called “ONON”, I saw the trail leading to it, and realised it was another back check, pushing on and down the hill. The trail suddenly ducked right into some bushes… Yah right… I do not believe this for a fooking minute! I was 100% convinced it was a false trail (it was), but I felt duty bound to do the right thing. Sure enough it was a false trail, and I joined Graven and Poo. I jumped the gate and paddled through shit only to get to the other side of a pile of cowshit and Graven call “ONON” to the right. Damnit. Fuck that, I’m not going back, I can loop around back to the road, there is plenty of hash left.

I jogged long a couple of hundred yards and spotted powder just ahead. Excellent, I was back in it. There were 4 squirts of powder, and then a junction. I checked left, nothing, I checked straight, nothing… Feck. Where was everyone else? I gave up and headed back towards where I’d last seen them, but then I found a circle…. Pure, unbroken, like a virgin in the dark that just needed enough effort, enough persuasion to find her direction. Where was everyone? It was a circle, for sure, and I had powder off it for sure, and hunted around until Pussy Whisperer arrived. He was so excited to be an FRB that he wanted to check in every direction. Finally he came and looked at my powder, and suggested it might be mould leaves… several mouldy leaves powder distance apart, a miracle of infortune.

We were down to 2. We would solve the virgin circle between us, no matter what. I went another way. And then back to the road. PW had already been left, but maybe not far enough? I went further, and I went off to the right too, nothing, nada. WTF. Finally as I headed back to the circle I could see PW in the distance down the road, whispering something! He had found the solution and while I was off checking, he’d gone all the way back to the circle to finally kick it out correctly. Thankfully he got the wings, because if anyone deserved them, PW did.

As I got back to the junction where the fuckup (and I don’t use the term lightly) had occurred Mr. Poo appeared from the right. WTF? Was he still checking? Nope, he was on his second lap, because frankly it was shit – perhaps I paraphrase? I jogged with him until another check kicked out to the right. Poo muttered something along the lines of, trail is there, but it is shit, so I’m going along the road. I did so too… And PW following behind got a wee bit confused, but fortunately made his way back in the end…

There have been great Ag Center runs in the past – I remember some awesome runs! In recent history Does Nothing has used the trails in interesting ways. Today was “cute” – too “cute”.