Tag Archives: Kwazi Moto

15th December – CH4 – Kwazi Moto

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I finished scouting in time to get over to Kwazi’s run.

So, we set off from the site of Belly Dancer’s ball breaker from the previous year. He’d found some great trails during the first leg of it, so I was hopeful Kwazi would do the same… – but instead he illustrated that Belly must have put some time into finding the trails!

We clambered across the side of a mountain with each square of paper being a check in itself as we searched for the next evidence of previous life.

Finally we got off, and when the trail ran out, I headed for the nearest bridge and thankfully found trail. The next part would have been great had there not been a huge rainstorm in the afternoon – instead it turned into a shitty paddle through swamps. Fun though!

It was an all male hash, with the Bunnies being across the city, so the circle was more like a sitting male hash. Nicely chilled and relaxed.

20th October – CH4 – Big Top

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Talking to Big Top late last night, she was confident the run was nailed down and it would be a good one. So we set off to 10k or so along the Sameong Road, only I set off a bit late forgetting the run started earlier. So when I got to the run site with None of Your Business, we were already chasing out of the A. Fortunately we managed to find the back of the pack, and quickly caught Kwazi Moto and Tip Toe.

I hit the front off an early check, and then quickly fucked up. We headed through a guys house and into a ‘mine’. A strange check had half the pack climbing up the side of the mine, while Humperdick went 150+ metres to find the trail coming back to 50m from the check. Confusing calls as the next check was closer to the previous check than the trail had been! We made it over the ridge and down into the valley the other side, to where it appears the hare screwed up…

Skiddy was leading the way and found his way down to the roads. He also found an easter egg – a secret trail that we weren’t meant to follow – why was there paper there? Further confusion as we could see paper in one direction, and hear Skiddy calling in another. A circle check with trail from 20m on. We quickly got out to the main road. I checked my gps – a bit over 2km into the run. The trail headed along the road, and not so far along there was a check. It confused everyone, as nobody wanted to keep checking on the road, but sure enough the trail went along the road. And on, and on, and on along the road.

No comment!

15th September – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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The words “Monumental Fuck Up” have long been associated with hares such as Horny Monkey & Turkish Delight, but today we had Mr. Poo as the hare – could he break into the elite group of haring disasters? Well, he tried…

When I arrived Poo was already covered in mud, sweat and powder, so it was slightly confusing when he announced he’d be live haring and ran off carrying just 2 small powder bottles. The hare brief was so brief & confusing that we didn’t really know what to do. Rather than chasing him, we sat down and discussed things for a while and when he didn’t show up again, we reluctantly set off in the direction he’d gone.

At the 2nd check Semen Sores ran into Poo coming the other way. Apparently he had got lost, chatted up some monks and thought we would be somewhere else (other than on his trail). SS was so surprised that he forgot to ravage Poo, and let him get away. As reinforcements arrived we found the powder, including an arrow that pointed in the wrong direction. Itchy Bitchy was about to head back to the A saying ‘screw this’ – Able Seaman hadn’t even bothered setting off. Incredibly Kwazi found trail from further along the path and we started to piece things together. A couple more circle checks and there was an option to go up the mountain – Suckit was scared off by a bull, but Kwazi, Hump me Now and myself set off up the hill, only for trail to be called off to the right. Kwazi opted to keep going up the hill, and after a brief toilet break I went back to set off on the true trail. Only when I got back to the circle, Mr. Poo was busy ‘fixing’ the trail – he started following Kwazi up the hill.

Still confused I set off after the “ONON” calls, as Poo told me it didn’t count as catching him – apparently we were supposed to run the pre-laid loop before having our way with him. Up the hill, and we ran into Kwazi going the other way. The checks were easy now as we knew where the trail couldn’t go. As I checked off the last circle, I suddenly spotted Poo making a break for it, laying powder from off to the left. He promptly wrote the On-In over my shoes, and raced with SS back to the A bucket.

If the objective was to confuse us, he succeeded…

21st July – CH4 – Square Rooter

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Already a little ‘anaesthetised’ from hangover run beers, I figured I’d give Square Rooter a chance and attempt his run. Damn – Suthep Road – the base of the mountain? This might not be pretty… The CH4 is getting a good turnout these days, and the girls were already doting over the attractive young Spanish visitor. Damn him! Or damn the fickle attentions of our female hashers?

We set off the usual way up the road, and I was making efforts to get off to a reasonable start and got the first check right, only to climb a long way to the check back at the 2nd check. I consoled myself with the thought that it probably wasn’t meant for me, but I was just unlucky to get it. DFL and it was right at the start of the run! I wondered if I would even see anyone again!

It turned out that my ankle was feeling good, and certainly Up Hill it was going well. I managed to get back with the pack, and felt great to be out on the trail – even with it being a SR special! And it was a SR special! I’ve run most of those trails before, so I wasn’t concerned about getting lost, I was just concerned about which way he was taking us. So often he teased us with a break to the left, and then back to the right. It was a really well thought out set.

My troubles came towards the end when we had to come back down the hill and I found my ankle wasn’t quite to strong on the descent. Our Spanish stallion swept past me, along with Shaven Haven who I’d never seen run so well! And humbling as it is, Kwazi came up behind me and very kindly asked for me to get out of the way so he could come through. Thankfully it wasn’t far back down – not quite sure how he managed it, but the clever set brought us back to the A.

The circle was good, but would have been a little better had SR had his 3 beer limit! 😉

25th March, CH3, Byte My Yahoo

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So what to expect from Cuddly Ken – Chiang Mai’s most innocent and alluring male Hasher (as well as most intelligent) … hummm … he hates hills, to date has set great running trails and is dab hand at the BBQ.

With a little telegraphing he’d be setting a slightly longer run – after both CSH3 and CH4 both >7km affairs – there was a certain degree of trepidation about what BmY had in store for us. None of this was eased when arriving at the A bucket – with him going on about how he’d set the run at 6AM and had been rehydrating on beer ever since – he even quipped to Belly Dancer that he had some doubt if BD would even make it back – I began to think there might be a muaahh aspect to this run.

The hare brief was absurdly short – just circle checks – and off out we were sent down a dirt road and it was 800m before the first circle check appeared – those who’d attempted None of Your Business’s storm truncated CH4 run had some advantage and soon found trail – and this continued with copious checks keeping us all together until the ‘hill’!

Hill – WTF – this is BmY – who professes to hate hills, and no small hill at that – up and up the bastard went and apart from the specially invited FRB In and Out – who checked like a demon all over the place and still ran up the mountain – the weary pack ground their way up BmY’s hellish rock strewn trail.

At the ‘top’ of course there was a check and the pack was all over the place looking for the trail – Kwazi Moto declared no more hills for him and vanished somewhere, leaving BD with Square Rooter and Dog Shit. Of course they sailed down the hill – rather rock strewn death trap – and fortunately Square Rooter held back long enough to indicate where the trail headed (right) – Doggy vanished – perhaps he found the real (nice & safe) trail Humprdick had found but the circle check had been kicked out straight down the 27’ slope!

Way down nearing the bottom of the slope of death – HRA appeared with Angry Inch who’d lost his GPS in an earlier tumble, and HRA valiantly assisted BD down the most evil part of the hill. Into the gully and putting a little cantor on with HRA – we got back in touch with Square Rooter and Semen Soars and later on Fishy Finger too. Up the slope Horny Monkey was commanding everyone to stick together which was much appreciated.

At last into what we were expecting from a BmY run – the more familiar dirt trails and with some disgust – black top/concrete road which had checks a plenty.

At the point where we came to the quarry we were all very close together – Humperdick appearing from left field after checking behind a wall for 400m – with a glance a GPS showing ~1km to the A bucket and the sun well and truly set – HRA again kindly stick with me and a ghostly Graven Image came up on our rear as BmY’s final evil twist of a stinking stream had to be navigated before the final jog in along 800m of filthy dirt road.

Amazingly BmY achieved the rare feat of getting the whole pack in (ex a short cutting Kwazi) with ~ 10 minutes of each other. In and Out and Graven Image had ~10km on their GPS and I had 7.4km.

A tough run – a bit bigger postage stamps would have helped on the confidence of not getting lost in the dark – but a well set run. BmY did deliver on expectations in the BBQ department – I don’t believe he made the burgers but thanks for a good feed and Horny led an entertaining circle.

OnOn
BD

9th December – CH4 – Snail Trail

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Snail Trail was the hare, but when the run directions appeared it was clear she didn’t have much to do with it! The runsite was the same as Skiddy’s recent male hash and after hearing complaints from those who crawled through his tunnel of love the first time he decided to send us through it twice this time.

Everyone was early – except Big Top and Dogshit who had gone to the restaurant rather than to the runsite! After standing around for a bit, we set off and I led the way through the tunnel crawl. With Kwazi behind I was able to check in 2 directions before anyone else emerged from the tunnel. Sadly they were the wrong directions and not for the last time I was running around in circles and overtaking Doggie as Robin Banks led the pack. Sure enough we were heading the reverse as the previous run, but most times rather than going right and left, we’d go left and right, if that makes sense. Check out the map, I was all over the place.

Finally we locked in on the old trail, and wary for Skiddy sticks I was looking down the side trails. I spied some paper off to the right – Damn! it was old paper from Sups’ run. But it had to be coming up soon – sure enough at the next junction, I turned right and was on the true trail. Unplugged and Mr. Poo didn’t want to trust me, so they followed Humperdick to the skiddy sticks. Ha! I was locked in following the previous trail back to the rice fields, across the rice fields.

Then I remembered a little scramble trail that Skiddy had used before – surely he’d do it again? Damn it! I got torn up and was stuck in the middle of nowhere when half the pack overtook calling on on from the road nearby, with no easy way of me getting back. Back through the tunnel and beer time. Lots of excellent checks and another good set.

5th November – CH3 – Frozen Dick

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After a long absence, my first run back with the male hash and circumstance led it to be Frozen Dick and Belly Dancer… Of course I can’t forget when Belly left us out in the wild in the dark, and Frozen has a history in that area of setting 11+km runs that got fucked up – what could the pair of them concoct together???

The hare brief was brief – especially by Frozen Dick standards – and we set off along the edge of a lake to a circle check next to a weir. Of course it would be across the weir, but only Skiddy followed me over and we dispersed through the myriad of trails that were there. There were lots of good trails on the other side of the water, and only after we’d exhausted the nice trails did I check the shiggy crappy trail that ran along the waterside. Frozen had pulled a chair up to watch from the other side, so it was pretty clear I was onto something. Sure enough I was in shit, but apparently this was the trail.

We hit a road and so the tarmac began. I ran the wrong way, I ran further the wrong way, it seemed every direction I set off in was wrong… Dogs attacked, and the pack caught up as Poo found trail leading up the hill – only we weren’t going up the hill, that was just a lamely marked false trail. Back to the road where the trail was marked on the back of trees, but it was clearly on tarmac. Another circle had me way off trail to the left, and Poo not spotting the crappy false trail to the right. More tarmac!

Finally we cut off the road and Skiddy was leading along a muddy track. We ran straight past a circle hidden away to the right. Nobody was interested in checking right, so we all ran straight to the paper. Humperdick didn’t like the look of the next check, but after around 150+++ metres I found paper and called on. The V was redundant, as Poo ran over the hill while I ran around it.

Then there was a circle by a little lake / quarry type thing. It was familiar ground – Just Cumming had run us here just a few weeks back. It doesn’t go anywhere – at least it doesn’t go anywhere nice… I checked around in circles around the lake, only to hear Poo calling up the hill way in the distance… I jogged over and had a look as the trail went up. Square Rooter decided to go for it. I looked the opposite direction at the white pagoda where my car was…

I was concerned about Tip Toe, and so helped him walk back… 😉 Meanwhile Sups and Missing Link had already turned back. Kwazi had done his own run from the start. 2 days in a row I turned back at the base of a mountain after 4-5 km…

30th July 2012 – CH3 – Superman

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A lovely evening, a keen pack of over a dozen hounds, scenic hills and open forest, idyllic trails….what could go wrong? Amost everything!

And it all started so well. Away we sauntered, skipping like lambkins up the forest path to the first circle in the perfect place. Trails ahead, back right, to the sides. Off eveyone went, full of good spirit, hither and thither, thither and hither, and soon we were doubling over everyone else’s trails and checking up to 300m and dropping into gullies. Where was the fcuking paper? Eventually Horned Moonbeam decided we should all head back to A site and question the hare!

The circle was kicked out backwards and On On yelled, much to Kwazi’s disbelief and annoyance. Back down the hill we went to find a disconsolate hare. Grumbledick grumbled the most and Sups gave out the direction of his on on paper. Beers were opened but Alice, Ryan aka Forest (appropriate) and GD headed straight back up to rejoin our trail and return to the offending circle in question. Even with Sups instructions it took 5 minutes to find paper at a tad over a 100m strewn off a small trail in the bush. Frozen was still up there and we doubted he’d find it! It wasn’t easy to find. Needles in haystacks. Rational women. Blue Moons. Hardworking Scousers. Virgins in Pattaya etc. You get the drift.

We ran off on neat piles of shredded paper and managed to follow all of Sups well laid trail thru the forest, down the gravel road behind the Night Safari, up into a small settlement, down thru some outhouses and then along darkening forest trails up and over ridges and spurs and back to the On iN before dusk completely fell. It was well worth the effort because Sups lays a good run, but a bit stressful with only three guys checking everything and racing the onset of the powers of darkness. But enough of the Burrito Butt.

The circle was a bit fraught at times. Sups poetically described the pack as “p*ss weak cnuts” and then increased the syllable count to “p*ssy wh*pped cnuts”. A few good splashes were doled out and some also rans. Visitor Ryan aka Forest was welcomed to the group. A married missionary working with CNX churches setting up HIV/Aids programs, he had been been in Malawi (former British Nyasaland)in Southern Africa for ten years. All the crap quasi religious half quotes and jokes we could muster were aimed in his general direction and I think he realised by the end, as Square Rooter said, “There is fertile ground for you here Ryan, there are plenty of sinners and souls to save!” Amen to that.

ONON you bastards.
A Lice

7th August – CH4 – His Royal Anus

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HRA chose a run site he’d only run at before – but I guess he must have missed out on many of Kwazi’s runs that used the same area until we got shot at on the 4th July! Nonetheless we set off on familiar trails with Belly Dancer and I jogging off to the first check – tough luck BD, I was right and didn’t see BD again till the end.

Given the rain the up trail was slippery and kept most of us on our toes with Chuck Wao again slipping away and running through a couple of checks.  I finally caught him up when he was confused by two circle checks that were close together – I guess we missed a bit of the trail, but the rain was falling and we were still on trail.

CW, a guy called FootLong and I escaped from the pack and were doing well till we hit a circle as we rejoined a main trail. Foot Long took the obvious downhill trail to the left, CW was forced to head uphill to the right so I took a less obvious trail that kinda went straight. None of us found trail and we spent too much time hacking around before we realised Foot Long had screwed up and finally found the trail clearly marked going down the hill.

Chuck Wao and Foot Long were off, and I chased as best I could along the slippery down hill trail. It was a good run, and without the weather it could have been a great run! A run so great that Kwazi has set is for us several times already – give or take a corner or so. Mr. Poo was back for the circle and slowly warmed up. It was great to see a few extras show up – Beautiful Box brought a crew and Fish and Tits appeared to wait the run out in the car! Good Work HRA.