Author Archives: mrpoo

6th March – CH3 – Sheep Shagger

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Sheep Shagger made his solo haring debut a fair way down Canal Rd, writes Alice, and in the area close to the Frozen Dick house apparently.

The pack was small but raring to go and the brief told us we were on sheep related paper, a nice touch. The hare was pretty sure it was about 5 km and there were FTs marked with sheep in red NO signs. When asked about check backs from Vs it became clear there weren’t any Vs just circles.

Away we went on the start of a tight course that tried to wiggle a runnable route out of a narrow grid of tracks and orchards. It was promising to be a literally close run thing. How would the hare control the pack?

I struggled to get past Tiptoe then Rooter stepped across me.
The first check was hidden behind a tree although when you stopped and turned round because there was no paper visible either side of the t junction, you saw the check. I went right to check-wrong! The breadcrumb paper was rather thin, tiny strips that someone tore into thinner tinier strips that some runners had trouble seeing.

On on was called left and into an orchard or two, another check and through a wide barbed wire fence unmarked onto more paper and then a check that led to our undoing.

The pack spread and a clear On On from FRB Graven on a track the other end of the orchard. I caught up and we saw paper on both sides of the barbed wire fence. Portent of gloom or a masterful debut?

He and others tried finding ingress to the overgrown field while Graven, as senior hasher, sent me down the clear path on paper to find the False Trail, he reliably informed me was down there.
On and on I jogged, obviously too far for a falsie and so it was. Into another orchard and out with a flash of songthao red through the trees. Uh oh. 10 minutes in and I was back at the A. Sheep Shagger’s face was a picture! The FRBs converged behind me and it was time to take stock.

Graven re-ran the out trail while I jogged backwards with the hare to show him where we’d hit the in trail. I think he was so focussed on the out trail and making that well marked but tricky at checks, he’d missed the proximity of the in trail. A new hare common gaff.

No matter, we set off again, the Kwazi checking like a good un and running down trails. Suddenly we see the rest of the pack, ABB, Strangely, Pig, Pussy Whisperer, Square Rooter etc. They were standing around and debating. Didn’t look promising. They were confused, trail was confused and what we did know was that paper was both ways fairly close by.

Paper was found in a field but going backwards, then down a clear path and then 3 pieces hidden after a long gap which suggested a circle somewhere but also that we were in reverse again. Despite good will, head nor tail was really made of things so groups made their own ways home trying to follow the in or the out backwards to try to ascertain where we went wrong.

Calls weren’t always heard clearly or perhaps made and tempers got a bit hot here and there. Hash is a game, should be fun and there’s only 3 main moving calls. ‘On on’ for on trail. ‘Checking’ when searching from a check. ‘Looking’ when suddenly off paper and trying to get back on. If the pack call clearly and often, we’ll eat the trail and not irritate each other. End of vent!

Back at the A, Sheep Shagger was trying to come to terms with everyone’s advice. The circle was low key as folk relaxed. Luckily the terrain was flat and we got mixed up close enough to the A both times so no-one really stressed or panicked. A few gently funny tales of the Udon outstation were told and enjoyed by your scribe Alice.

Strava routes were revealing. They all looked like a figure of 8 overlaid on a loop of another 8. Pack ran between about 3.5 and 5.2 km I think in about 45 mins.

On on on was in Bier Stube with unfortunately smoking patrons in our vicinity. Lucky Chuck Wao went home to recuperate.

Saturday 27th Aug – CSH3 — Miss Piggy’s 1000th Run! (Co-hares Chuck Wao and Byte My Yahoo)

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An unusually large number of hashers convened today at Miss Piggy’s
beautiful house to celebrate her Mille Run. How many of us ever get to
witness such an occasion, let alone reach this milestone ourselves?
Super Man (1183) and Super Bitch (1050) were both present for this
celebration.

Off then into the misty evening with paper quickly found along a quiet
soi and on into a brownfield site past an unfinished condo high-rise.
Just enough slip-sliding early on to keep the more klutzy hashers
among us focused on our footfall. For this hasher it’s usually the
dopamine kicking in that makes me think there’s gonna be a beer stop
round every corner but today after two quick checks and five minutes
into the run was Byte My Yahoo doing some sterling valet work
marshaling three songthaews featuring, yes, some much needed beer!
This might be some kind of record. Nice job.

Into the songthaew for ten minutes or so until we were deposited at
the Chiang Mai Provincial Government Center (I think). On on then, for
me getting the first check right and closely followed by Cougar, but
breezing past the Check Back. Mr Poo’s eagle eye quickly sussed our
problem and back we came to the pack. Rice fields Ahoy! This time we
kept to some wonderfully muddy trails with some nice checks. Scooby
Doo failed to run out at least one check — someone who really should
know by now that here in CM 100m is an idea, rarely an actuality. It
was during this portion of the hash that I witnessed some rather
unsettling behavior on the part of one master hasher — you know who
you are HRA. Skipping and jumping and yes, deliberately besplattering
all and sundry. A one man gambol fest. Excellent. You know you’re
gonna have to share the source of this exuberance one day Weegee! Chia
seeds? I also enjoyed Shit House pointing out one or two, er, shit
houses of particular architectural int
erest along this stretch of the run!

Out we came to see Lung La parked, I think to take Wimps back, and our
GM and co-hare CW nonchalantly surveying the scene. In fact he was
clocking us breezing past a circle check. Now this is one of those
times when the GM could act responsibly and hide the beer, for this
was no beer check. Fortunately, Chuck Wao and responsible are words
rarely uttered in the same sentence so suitably refreshed we pressed
on with Taste My Buns pressing the initiative through Payap Uni and on
to the Super Highway. Along the SH. Urban hashing at its best. With a
Backcheck we were amongst the reeds and into some primeval,
foul-smelling ooze.

Now we came to a moo baan lost in time. A hidden CM treasure. A
tributary community quietly going about their sluicing business when a
pretty well-held pack of hashers descended. A circle check here took
some figuring out, Sex Pistol and me went back across the sluice gate
looking for the way on but nothing. I believe Square Rooter found the
way forward. Some nice running there on that include clambering over a
fence using a stack of old bar stools. Such are the logistics of a
city run.

Now, city runs do have their detractors. A lot of hashers think they
are much the same as doing The New York Times crossword, eating a
Lobster dinner, or having sex with a blow-up doll — that, is not
worth the trouble! Well, maybe two out of those three. These creaky
knees disagree. CSH3 hashes are big baggy monsters and this was a run
that seemed to fit the occasion somehow, so great work Miss Piggy,
Chuck Wao and Byte My Yahoo for going above and beyond.

August 22nd – CH3 – Chuck Wao

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And so we convene at a crematorium out along Canal Road under a pall
of mercury dust and ashes from the day’s funeral pyre. A timely
reminder that from dust we arise and to dust we return and all that
jazz. Didn’t CW’s last run start at a crematorium? Anyhow the hare
gave us a brief brief — strips, shreds and yes, International
Standards by golly — and we were away.

Nice trails out this way. I started off very slowly and needed to keep
stopping. Felt like someone had Mickeyed me a diuretic. When I reached
the back of the pack I found Abominable Blue Balls paused and
surveying the situation and “quite fancying” a trail to the right. Not
in such a big way as to run down it, mind.

You will have to forgive your correspondent for not seeing much of the
action from here on. I was a good distance behind the FRBs and only
met other hashers when they were returning from checking circles and
false trails. Something had to be working well for the hare today
because the pack was pretty much held together whenever I came across
it. By this time I was a tad concerned about the rumblings in the
distance and what these might entail. Couldn’t pick up pace though.

After a while of slow solo shuffling I caught sight of Sloppy Rod
hobbling and dragging his ankle behind him. He said he was at the edge
of a gulley, taking in the view? I dunno, but the ground gave in
beneath him! Landed on his ass. Now, I personally have had experiences
such as this so kudos for pressing on with nary a whinge.

On then, trying to keep ahead of what was coming. Following broken
checks correctly and yet screwing up false trails! I had no idea how
much further I might need to go and then the rains came. Sudden and
torrential. Thoughtful haring meant only one or two shreds of paper
for an awful long time. And it was getting dark. When I got to the
temple wall it was dark and there were three ways to check. Was the
circle washed away? I went left first for a good distance but nothing.
Came back to find guess who? Mr Poo, almost as clueless as me. Next I
took the dirt track, nothing and back. Kwazi Moto arrived on the scene
and went the way I just came from. I gambled on third time lucky and
set off, again nada. Came across no hash name Mark and we tried the
dirt track again. On we went, and on, and on, through lightning and
sheet rain until we came to Canal Road. Result. But which way? No hash
name Mark rode in on his bicycle so he thought he might recognize the
turn off CR. Took us 40 minutes.

Back at the A bucket to find the hare out looking for hashers. He
didn’t find anyone, but how about this? Sloppy Rod limped in using an
improvised crutch made from a branch he hacked down.

At the start of the run my mind I idly wondered what it would be like
to go up in a puff of smoke, and at the end I nearly did. Cheers Chuck
Wao for a memorable set, hypothermia notwithstanding.

Monday 15th August – CH3 – Bone Smoker & Sunspot

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Out past Tiger Kingdom to the Sunspot family compound, a sylvan
setting and a new runsite for this hasher. Off we went with
Bellydancer spurting on ahead, and on he went missing the first bit of
paper! Out then along the road to a mooban with a circle check and
maybe six possible ways to go. This was going to take some working
out. I went straight ahead and explored a couple of avenues and the
rest of the pack fanned out looking elsewhere but no joy. Nothing from
nobody. ABB even bravely put glory before prudence and ventured onto
the narrow, slippery pathway along the khlong. I began to have a
niggling feeling that I may not have traveled far enough and
backtracked and Oops! found the trail. Gotta be 200 meters that one. I
backtracked again to make sure someone somewhere would hear my On! On!
And sure enough there was ABB loitering on a corner so all was well
again.

From here on there were some nice muddy trails. My shoes got nice and
gunky. And heavy. Didn’t stop me from nailing a couple of checks. They
call me the breeze. And I prefer Skynyrd’s version. Then came the
false trail and I took it. Into the jungle I went a good 200 meters
until I got to a teensy FT. Back and out and Mr Poo and Chuck Wao were
motoring past and giggling because they didn’t even see paper here. On
I followed.

To the RICE FIELDS! Here was a circle check that did not appear to
give the pack many options. CW went right, I went left. No sign of
paper but I gingerly explored along a few berms close to the edge of
the paddy fields but found nothing and came back. CW meanwhile had had
an encounter with an angry farmer, who probably had a rifle, possibly
with a scope, and returned to the circle check. The pack was pretty
much all together at this point. CW felt that his way past the farmer
was the likeliest direction so I suggested him and me make a break for
it before the farmer could react. What’s the worst that could happen?
The farmer picks off Kwazi Moto?

Sometimes, however, an intrepid individual with uncommon valor steps
forward to save the day. A faint call of On! On! could be heard in the
distance so back around and through the bushes the perplexed group of
hashers traipsed. And what sight for sore eyes greeted us 500 meters
away in the middle of the paddy field? Only the figure of Mr Sticky
Wicket. Did he really shout, “Forward, The Light Brigade, Half a
League, Onward…”? We were going home. Still a lot of berm running
though until we reached the road.

Thailand is the world’s largest exporter of rice and has 12 million
hectares of farmable land under cultivation. The rice grown is jasmine
rice, a classier rice for them that knows their rice, but it doesn’t
give such a great yield. Could somebody, perhaps Sunspot, get in touch with the Thai Ministry of Agriculture to suggest
growing pilau rice instead in future, which I prefer anyway, and then
we might get back a bit more land for hashing.

Anyhow, more danger ahead. Maybe a kilometer of busy blacktop before
we forked right and came to an interesting check when I thought we
must have been very close to the A bucket by now. Piggy and CW left me
third dibs so I moseyed right along a dirt trail and lo and behold
paper! Across the aqueduct. I did not enjoy this one bit but the views
were nice. Some more road running got us home.

Somebody had the distance at 10.5K, so well done hares for putting in
so much effort to make a memorable run.

8th August – CH3 – Belly Dancer & Scooby Doo

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And so we find ourselves at Wat Doi Khum in the warm sunshine to find
out if Belly Dancer and Scooby Doo will live down to expectations. We
in the songthaew were a little lost, and in one case a tad tetchy –
you know who you are Pigshit – until we found BD pratting around and
hiding his HHH sign in long grass! An early challenge from the hare?
Who knows? A sizeable turnout of twenty-plus hashers, with visitors
and returnees, made it to the A bucket though ready for some action.
Hare and coHare exchanged some furtive glances and settled on 6K
today. Sounded like bullshit for some reason.

Off along the road then, to a junction, I turned right, just to warm
up really, I kinda new it was the wrong way. Everyone else up a leafy
trail. I caught up to witness a lot of time-consuming milling around
at the next circle check that had a boatload of possible trails to
follow. And a dozen or so lazy lemmings. Does Nothing and most
everybody else doing nothing. It’s a common misconception, by the way,
that lemmings zig along and commit mass suicide by jumping off a
cliff, or not, in this case. Any mishaps are caused by their migratory
behavior — a result of their strong biological urges! Fortunately, we
don’t know anybody like that. Oh, er, hang on a minute.

Anyhow, I took a punt here and went straight not knowing that Anal
Afterbirth was ahead. After 150 meters, then 200 meters, then, yes,
250 meters, we thought we may have stumbled across the intrail. But we
pressed on, expecting to meet everyone else head on in about half an
hour. Someone, somewhere had found paper waay baack however. An all
round interesting check for the hashing connoisseur that one. Product
of a screwup or not.

Was the hill next? Turned out this was a 975 meter elevation. I
enjoyed the company of Sloppy Rod for this lung buster and at the top
was a V-check. 50/50 this one so I went left. 300 meters, I swear, to
a Back Check. I called it as written. Not enough information for
Sloppy as it turns out. He asked me to repeat it 7 times! He was only
happy when I called Check Back! Now that’s just extracting the urine
after that lung buster, Bozo.

Running with Punnany from then on through the shig and on to the
temple. Chuck Wao and Pigshit some distance ahead at this stage. Out
of earshot anyway, funnily enough. I forgot we were going to see some
powder and spent some time pfaffing around behind someone’s house
until Punanny worked out the real steps we needed. These took us down,
and then down some more on the original pre-roadway steps, to the
welcome sight of Scooby scribing the On In. Now, I did hear a minor
complaint about there being unmarked trails to follow after the On In,
but this hasher could see the songthaew, the beer, and you know why?
Because he looked!

Over 8K for some runners today. Today there were no expectations,
because nobody wanted disappointment. But well done hares for
surprising us with a good run.

17th March – CH4 – Anal Vice (St Paddy’s Day)

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We set out from McDonalds around 4:00 pm as usual and headed out into the countryside. There was a good crowd and the Song Tau was packed with an overflow into private vehicles. I am not sure where the run was actually set but judging from the length of the Song Tau ride I am guessing somewhere near the Laos border. Once there I was surprised by the size of the turnout. I had been told that this was an “intimate” run but if this was intimate I can’t imagine a crowd. There must have been at least 30 people. After the usual short period of socializing and stocking up on water we set off.

The weather was exceedingly hot and the terrain was mercifully flat. Score 1 to the hares for their choice of venue. The area was entirely populated with fragrant palm and fruit tree plantations which made for a pleasant run for both the FRB’s and the strollers. I am relatively new to hashing and had been led to believe that when a trail is set with paper it means that line of sight paper markers are set down which end at a circle from where you search 100m in all directions for the next marker. I now realize, that assuming paper is not a carefully rationed commodity in Chiang Mai, that this assumption of mine was entirely wrong. In fact I learned on this hash that a paper trail is in fact marked every 100m with a piece of paper hidden on the back side of a tree leaf and line of sight be damned. I had also wrongly assumed that when a major junction in the trail is reached that a circle of powder is laid down and a check in all directions is required and then kicked out by the FRB’s. Wrong again. Instead the hares implemented a wily obfuscation clearly intended to hold back the strollers and walking wounded from getting in the way of the FRB’s, as it is very difficult to follow a kicked out circle where no such circle exists and at the same time conveniently eliminated the need for the FRB’s to bother with that oh so annoying run back to kick out the circle. It also gave the hikers a rare and sorely needed opportunity to be constantly searching for the trail. It gave us that FRB feeling while at the same time keeping us from under foot. These hares are not amateurs.

Then there was the barbed wire. In some respects the trail reminded me of a World War II battlefield crisscrossed with barbed wire, cement posts and perhaps better navigated with an armoured personnel carrier than on foot, but again it was simply another clever ploy deployed by the hares and intended to keep the slow pokes from getting in the way. Where the FRB’s simply vault over these obstructions, those who like to smell the roses had to actually deal with the barbs as the trail winded and wended its way back and forth over these challenging and very pointy obstacles. Several of us had a chance to reacquaint ourselves with our long forgotten commando crawl technique. It also engendered great team building as navigating these fences on ones own was truly a perilous experience. A very nice touch.

But we in the back were not entirely forgotten. Using a trail setting technique that bordered on genius the hares had laid out a large 3k loop that was carefully constructed to bring the entire pack of FRB’s within eyesight of the sorely treated slowpokes, allowing them to spot a convenient shortcut bringing them immediately to the Whisky Stop and within 500 m of the OnIn only 5 minutes after the pack had passed. This allowed the trailers to arrive at the OnIn while there was still food and cold drinks to be had. What can I say but brilliant. This was a feat that pleased everyone. The FRB’s were handed a run where they did not once have to trip over a hiker and the hikers were handed the opportunity to shave 3k off an 8k run on a very hot day while at the same time refreshing their rarely used trail checking skills. My complements to the hares.

After the run there were ice cold drinks and a spread of very tasty Thai dishes laid out by the ladies followed by a high spirited circle. Now I know why they call it the Happy Hash.

Cheers

Pussy Whisperer

16th January – CSH3 – Byte My Yahoo & Diddly Squat

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There had been complaints on Facebook, rumours of people not coming! “Mae Jo is too far away!” people cried. In the vent we had a record turnout, with two buses and loads of cars. There were also a bunch of visitors including lots of young people: Baby Shitter’s son Naa, American virgins and Irish and Australian visitors! The young people started off in front, full of energy, but soon fell back once the checks came. Mr Poo was ahead for a long time as he was able to guess where the twisted mind of Dr Byte might take us, but then a cunning placed circle check let everyone else in front and it was all up for grabs.

The beautiful trails near Phapat’s farm had been turned into dirt roads but the hares had still found some nice places to go. We reached the top of a ridge and FRBs headed out in all directions. Brownfinger set off to the left but the trail was to the right. Cuckold came charging down the hill with Naa in tow and took the lead just as everyone else noticed there was no powder. Reluctantly the two made their way back, arriving just in time for the discovery of the circle check so that they could make an about turn and head back to find the trail.

Soon after this walkers started appearing on the trail. Pamela had graced us with his presence, as had many harriettes. As the pack sped past them the hare appeared on trail, happily chatting with some of the walkers. Pigshit set off up the hill and to the right, but Graven knew what he was doing and found the trail to the left. Then there was a check and confusion reigned as hashers scattered to look for powder. Finally someone found it off to the left and we were off but by this time everyone was together. Runners set off down the hill, with Knockout and Seamen Soars speeding up to overtake some of the front runners. Another long circle check (there had been a few – all blamed on Diddly Squat’s long stories) screwed up the front runners again as they lost faith and came back up to look for true trail. However it went down and soon we found the last check.

None of Your Business was the one to find this (Pigshit having stopped 2 metres before) and set off at top speed. Hotly pursued by Turkish Delight, who had just realised that he would be able to come from nowhere to come in first if he tried hard enough they raced for the On In. NOYB put in the extra effort that would lead to him puking his guts out later on and ‘won’ the hash! Several of the new girls then went on to overtake Turkey as he gave up and staggered back to the circle.

CH4 – 3rd December

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Biggest bit of wood Brownfinger has had for a long time :)

24th November – CH4 – Loy Katoey run! – Does Nothing and Pet My Pussy

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After several years of Chack Wow and Mr Poo setting the Loy Katoey run together we decided to let some new blood have a crack at it. This made sense in theory as we’d been starting at Does Nothing’s restaurant and Pet My Pussy actually knows about charities, but how would it work out in practice?

Unsurprisingly the charity was for animals, and started at Euro Diner. Turnout was a bit low. Maybe because the festival was a bit later in the year than normal? Still the girls looked beautiful, and soon so did the boys! Dodgy Cock and one of Suckit’s guests looked particularly fetching.

Does Nothing had elected not to set trail but to tell us where we were going in advance. next Place made sense, but Thaphae East and the Edge? What and where were they? The unflappable Does Nothing handed us a map and wished us luck.

After a beer at Next Place most people decided they wanted to go up Loi Kroh to Marina bar to visit the other katoeys. It turned out they weren’t coming out to play and the bar was shut so we set off to Thaphae East. It was a nice bar. Far too nice for us, and the people there seemed a bit nonplussed by the blokes wandering around in dresses. Luckily the beer was cold, though some went off to 7/11 where they had change. Meanwhile Suckit’s guest (name?) raised a large amount of money by having his photo taken with cute Chinese girls. It’s a hard life…

Also working hard were the kids, Obscene did a great Oliver impression and used his winsome face to great effect, while Het Top bravely asked anyone he could see for money and was very convincing.

Finally we made it to the Edge where the loud techno music scared off Graven Image. Here the beer was not so cold, but it was cheap at 60 Baht for a small bottle! There was a lovely circle site down by the river and the circle was short and sweet while we abused the hares for all their hard work.

After the circle we were all glad to see Cumming Slow, who drove us back to Euro Diner to get changed and continue drinking. We don’t know how much money we raised yet, but in the meantime good work everyone! 😉

CSH3 Saturday 10th October 2015

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