Tag Archives: Square Rooter

1st December – CSH3 – Chilly Pussy

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Rating: 7.5/10 (4 votes cast)

Whoa! Who set that run? I know Chilly Pussy was the hare, and she engaged Anything as her co-hare, and they took Barbin Doll along for the experience, and somehow they managed to pull that off! Some excellent running trails, some clever checks, plenty more runnable sections, the odd bit of shiggy scramble. I think Humperdick summed it up best when he came in and said ‘very good run…. for a male hash’. It was excellent, but with quite a few coming in in the dark, perhaps a little much?

We set off and had a steep descent to a predictable first circle check. So predictable that Belly Dancer, (perhaps with the nepotistic aid of GPS), started calling “On On” without bothering to wait for paper. I was doing well, getting the checks right, until one circle. I chased over to where Poo was, and luckily found him climbing up a steep hill on the false trail of a V check. Ha! Not the last false trail he would find today. The hares had cunningly cut along the side of the hill only to go back up the same hill just around the corner – poor poo.

Then was the circle that had us foxed. Finally None of Your Business found the trail which was close to the circle on an obvious trail. No idea why it took us so long to find it, but by the time I had scrambled back up the hill I was behind Square Rooter and Horny Monkey. I enjoyed the steep descent swinging between the trees and finally caught Poo and None of your Business as we got into the creek valley. None of Your Business thought he might be almost home, and he might “win”, so he sprinted off, only to find quite a lot more to do.

Another V cost Poo dearly and finally we emerged from the jungle. Perhaps the hares were lost at this point as we scrambled up and down, round and around, along the edge of the jungle back to the A. On the whole it was a great run, just what I look for in hashes. Good job Chilly & Anything! You can call this “some eulogistic tosh” if you like – I guess it can hurt one’s feelings if someone’s wife sets a much better run than they can!

10th November – CSH3 – Square Rooter

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Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Is Square Rooter finally mellowing in his old age? He chose a run site with a great view out over some rolling hills, rather than at the bottom of a steep mountain. With positive comments about the run being passed around in advance, we set off with the returning Horny Monkey picking up the first check.

The 2nd circle had us foxed for a while, the trail continuing across the road and through a blocked gate across the field. Duly delayed the pack was together as we ambled up to the ridge line and along the top. There Square Rooter had invented a brand new check – a circle with trail leading in 2 directions, with one trail just stopping. It was Doesn’t Get It that led us nowhere and later Skiddy that found the true trail. By this time I was half a kilometer away at the bottom of the hill. I made attempts to get back, but in the end skirted up the road and intercepted Skiddy as he came down the trail.

With Poo in hot pursuit we hit some fantastic running trails that we could really open up on. With these trails Square Rooter was really spoiling us! From nowhere Skiddy appeared in front of me at a V check – he’d found some cunning short cut. The trail then took us off in a pointless loop back to a few yards from the check back I’d already seen. Beautiful Box, Unplugged, Sticky Wicket and Big Top were all seen passing through the check back and joining the front pack for a slog up the steep hill where the hare was grinning like a toothless fairy.

HRA took a turn at the front only to get the last check wrong, and it was Sloppy Rod that lead the way (IN FLIP FLOPS FFS) down the stony path back to the A. That was a really, really nice run.

Elevation Gain Criminals!!

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Given that everyone knows I hate hills…. 😉 Since I got the GPS, here are the biggest elevation differences:-

1) 440m – 15th Jan 2012 – The Ball Breaker – Frozen & Humper Dick. OK, it was the Ball Breaker… Once a year, I forgive you!

2) 387m – 29th Dec 2012 – Skid Mark’s Xmas Lanna Run… Remember that bastard hill? At least we had miles of rice fields to recover in!

3) 299m – 25th Feb 2012 – Belly Dancer (& Square Rooter)’s Lanna Run – Evil, evil, evil… Pure evil!

4) 293m – 20th Oct 2012 – Throbbing Ninja – Around half the distance and half the time of those above – Throbbing Ninja welcomed our guests with a truly evil ascent. One of the toughest CSH3’s I can remember.

5) 283m – 22nd September 2012 – Hollow Legs – remember when he dragged us straight up, and couldn’t be bothered to find a way back?

6) 253m – 26th February 2012 – Anything – who could forget when Anything set the run by Doi Kham? Only Humperdick did the full trail… When I got the scout report, the trail should have been 438m elevation change – which would have put it #2 had I not made my way back to lower ground…

7) 246m – 4th March – Itchy Bitchy – If I recall this was the 400th run, which Anything again had a say in… I seem to remember short cutting this and still it reports at 246m elevation gain – is this the GPS reading I stole from BD?

8) 231m – 1st January – Mr. Poo – To shake off the new years day hangovers he chose to not take us up the hill once, but twice. Behind Wat Umong, a memorable run for all the wrong reasons!

9) 214m – 6th October – Cool Balls – The outstation at Khun Yuam… I think this was all on the B->C part of the run!

10) OK, I have my sets stored too… and I can’t avoid it, one of them should make it to this list…:-
? 216 – December 27th – remember the Christmas Spirit run?
? 204 – January 28th – remember across the dam towards Doi Saket?

THIS IS NOT A CHALLENGE!!!! GETTING ON THIS LIST IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!!!

4th November – CH4 – Angry Inch

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Rating: 9.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Angry Inch was the hare, but it seemed he did a fantastic job of delegation – delegating Poo to set the trail and run the circle! Poo decided to live hare it and asked for a 10 minute head start. Angry Inch really didn’t want us to leave, but after 5 minutes we set off in pursuit.

It appears that Poo had already broken live haring etiquette, by pre-laying trail – the first False Trail which bought him an extra few minutes. In the confusion it was Frozen Dick that ended up as FRB, and for the 2nd day running inexperienced FRBs caused confusion to reign, and Poo was surely off into the distance by then.

We all know the Ag centre well, and hares essentially have a choice – running along the flat trails at the bottom of the hill, OR going up the hill. NOT BOTH! Given that it was a live haring, the flat trails seemed the obvious choice – Belly Dancer cut across and claimed he caught the hare… Anyway, it was through the orchard (de ja vu) and along the reservoir – the trails much more overgrown than previously. Poo even managed to build a blockade to suggest he hadn’t been through.

My legs started feeling the effects of Bone Hur hill yesterday, my head was feeling the effects of an evening with Evil Big Top, so I was unsettled that we set off to do the loop around the big field which would add a couple of km to the run. Abruptly there was a circle check and the trail cut left UP THE HILL! Huh? Is Poo some kind of superman? A live hare, after 5km decides to go up the hill? Nobody wanted to check that way, but sure enough the trail went up… I’m guessing that the beer stop was up there somewhere – Square Rooter and I thought better of it – afterall what goes up must come down!

When we got back, having crawled under a barbwire fence, there were already quite an assembly at the A bucket. Conspicuously no hares, but plenty of short cutters! The hares strolled in after about an hour, and Humperdick lead the FRBs in a while after that with them appearing from all directions. I think only Humperdick actually came from the same direction as Poo. Skid Mark was DFL clocking up 9.5km! Nice run, I do like the live hare scenario, but not sure my legs will recover in time for a return to male hashing tomorrow…

28th October – Mr Poo & Knockout

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Rating: 7.7/10 (3 votes cast)

The Location – Mr Poo decided that having his run so close to the Bunny H3 might not be a good idea.  Did he think the males would sneak off to chase the Bunnies?  Or was he afraid that no one would come to his run at all?  The next plan was a run at CMU but building work there had blocked off the most fun trails.  Eventually he decided to set a run at the Fire Prevention Centre. Despite confusing the hell out of Belly Dancer with complicated directions like ‘out of town’ – quite a strong turn out appeared.

The Run – What a crappy run! – only Dog Shit’s 1.3km figure-8 run and of course Belly Dancer’s pointless and dangerous ramble over the mountains with no discernible trails were worse than this!  Even Throbbing Ninja’s recent attempt to kill off hashers by oxygen deprivation at high attitude was preferable to the run Mr Poo set! At best it was 3km – but hashers managed to waste 20 minutes on a slope infested with mosquitoes and bamboo spikes looking for trail. Frustrated with people calling on previously run trail Grease Gorilla intimidated people so much that even when Seaman Soars found the trail he was told that he was wrong.

Chack Wow was on the verge of making one of his ‘executive decisions’ and leading people back but eventually Jungle Chim (or possibly Square Router) insisted that he really was standing on som powder that we had not seen before and we actually continued with the run intended . Mr Poo did redeem himself (a little) by turning up with cold beer and co-hare Knockout at his favourite knocking spot – ooops I mean picnic table. Belly Dancer decided to give up on the rest of the run and  lead the ladies back in – ignoring the powder and voracious yapping dogs that the FRBs faced as they dutifully ran around the lake.

The Circle – an X-rated circle the likes of which I’ve never witnessed before – unmentionable!

Well done Mr Poo – crappy run, great beer and one of the best Happy Hash circles I’ve ever been too!

7th October – CH4 – Dog Shit

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Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A 6 hour drive at break neck speed got me back in time for the run – almost… I picked the boys up and got back around 15 minutes late… Never mind, I might catch up. My legs were painful though, so it was a struggle to get moving up and over the first little hill.

The trail was a little confusing, as I later found Dog Shit out there relaying part of it – he ran off to show me the correct route, and I set off in pursuit of distant calls. After a while I came to Tip Toe, who had returned from foreign parts.

The trickiest part of the pursuit was that the checks were squares of paper, that couldn’t be kicked out, and so I had to guess a bit on each of the checks. But soon enough I spied Plan, Square Rooter and Human Excrement. As we headed quickly back towards the cars, the rest were ahead somewhere, with Chuckie and Humps doing better on both the trail and the journey back – hats off to the outstationers who got back in time to support Doggie.

Sorry – no trail map today – I left the GPS on half way back across town.

15th September – CSH3 – Dick Tracy

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Have I mentioned to anyone that I’m not really fond of hills??? Boy Scout Camp? I was wondering if a flat run was at all possible there. What the hell – with Dick Tracy in charge, it surely wouldn’t be too bad? At least that’s what I thought until I arrived at the run site to find Square Rooter holding a bag of paper grinning from ear to… erm… moving on.

I arrived early enough to witness one of the best hare/co-hare tiffs in history – once Dick Tracy found his own way back off the mountain where he’d been left stranded by his co-hare. Dick Tracy wasn’t happy, he wanted no ‘credit’ or ‘blame’ from the run and promptly stormed off in his car puffing away. He was back in time to delegate the hare brief to SR, and a crowd of hashers set off wondering what the hell we’d let ourselves in for.

Within seconds the incline was so steep most were on hands and knees sliding in the mud. It didn’t get much better. The hare (or probably the co-hare) and ingeniously put in some evil LONG check backs and the checks had me pretty screwed again and again – only I Got Gas seemed to be clued in as I went around and around in circles. I realise that technically that’s the idea of the hash, but scrambling up the steep hillside wasn’t that much fun for me. One particular check had me going a couple of hundred metres downhill, only to hit a check back and have to climb my way back. Finally we crossed the waterfall balancing on a weir before the briefest of descents back to the A.

Hats off to the hares who managed to find a run which was virtually all uphill, but somehow got us back to the A. I’ll have a long think before going to another run at the Boy Scout Camp – oh shit, the Happy Hash is there again this weekend.

8th Sept – CSH3 – Skid Mark

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When my GPS says the run was 4 hours… and distance 7km… then I assume Belly Dancer must have set one of his psycho runs again… The somewhat more logical answer is that I forgot to switch my GPS off once I got back to the A after a perfectly reasonable run!

Turkish Delight is C*nt.

Thought I should get that off my chest.

With a few days notice, Skiddy and Doggie stepped up and put together what was a great run. While the rains might have put some off, we still had a reasonable number show up, including my oldest son doing his first hash – many thanks to Frozen Dick for making sure he survived! The bonus is, it sounds like he wants to come back – and help babysit the youngsters in the future! 😀

We had a hare brief – it wasn’t – we left. On On. Paper dripping water. Puddles and Splashes. Up the hill? No. I played around on the mountain side for a while, before realising it wasn’t going to be an evil run. First Skiddy Checks screwed Turkish – at least I hope they did, and I couldn’t think of a more deserving character. On On.

Turkey, a.k.a. Silent Running Bastard, hit the front and chose not to call. Not a sound. Virtually everyone on the hash knew the cnut was a racist, but what can you do? The sporty FRBs like Chuckie and HRA were out of town so we were left with TD. My favourite moment of the day was seeing him out in a field after a well placed Skiddy Sticks – serve the MF right!

As we hit a village, not sure what happened to the trail… The paper was marked one way, it was as though there was a check, but no check left. Turned out the true trail was in a different direction, and TD (akacnut) found trail and wasn’t heard again.

Nonetheless, it was a GREAT trail – I really enjoyed it – great scenery, excellent checks that kept us all together, at short notice great work hares.

I also (for once) enjoyed the circle! Cameos included I Got Gas, Slippery When Wet and Anything, with a drunken Rooter also being a highlight. The On On ON was right there. Probably one of the most enjoyable hash evenings I’ve had in a while!

5th August – CH4 – Alice (with Frozen Dick)

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Apologies readers for the tardiness of my write up – it has been suggested that I am too ashamed to confess my endeavours on the run, but that isn’t the reason for delay! Anyway, my status as the World’s most Intelligent hasher, was ripped from my shoulders by Dogshit and Frozen Dick, while Square Rooter listed it as the stupidest short cut in hash history – while he pulled up a ringside seat!

Lets begin at the start – being joined in the car for the ride by Itchy Bitchy and Fish and Tits… After picking them up, I was treated to a constant barrage of conversation. As Fish & Tits only showers once a month they then started exchanging deodrants and I was quickly overcome by noxious fumes. I stopped for gas, and as soon as I paused the two ladies dived out and charged to the store to buy snacks, Mama, ice-cream and more. The runsite was probably closer to Chiang Rai than Chiang Mai, so it was a relief to finally arrive and give my ears a break! 😉 A really nice runsite, but a bit far out of town…

The out-trail was a gentle down hill trail, where I could really open up and stretch my legs. In no time I was off the front, only to turn a corner and run straight past some skiddy sticks. Heading back, through confused hashers, I found the true trail some way back down the path. HRA had meanwhile charged off in the wrong direction laughing to himself about my folly. The next circle was straight on, so me and Chuckie cruised away from the pack, until we were hit by another set of blasted Skiddy Sticks – “MOTHER FUCKER!”. Still my luck was holding and it was me that found the true trail there and for the next couple of circles… Until we got to the lake.

The trail had been great, we were gently arcing around to the left and we hit a lake with the trail running alongside it. I’d stopped thinking about potential false trails, as CW was gossiping away in my ear about the state of the economy, his latest exploits, or some such story. A circle check on the side of the lake, and it was my ‘duty’ to check straight on. Which I did, making my way around the bank of the lake – scrambling down a bank and climbing around marshes – only for the trail to be called behind me, back across the other side of the lake. DAMN you blasted hares. At this point, should I go back, or I could go on around the lake? As the trail was ‘SURE’ to continue arcing left, I decided to go on around the lake and gradually found myself getting into marshier terrain until eventually it was impassable without swimming. DS & SR shouted abuse at me, and I eventually had to turn back and sheepishly make my way back to the A site.

Lovely trail – you assholes!

4th July – CH3 Run – Sloppy Rod

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Today was the first Monday run of the new CH3 Monday hash running back on Mondays. After a brief flirt with Tuesday’s we gathered again on Monday for a run set by Sloppy Rod and his evil cohort Square Rooter. Given the location by the hills of Huay Tung Thao, I was dreading a traditional evil S’Root run.

A good sized group showed up and quickly we set off. The checks came quick and fast, with barely a chance to get running again before we hit the next check -where the hell was this going? Left / Right / back again, it was a start designed to confuse us. Sloppy had warned us that Square Rooter had set some evil check backs of V and X checks – well I think I got the worst of it ploughing 200m though scraping brambles only to find a check back that made me nearly collapse and cry. Battered, bruised and DFL…

Not much further we hit a circle check that Chuck Wao screwed up for everyone and we hit the canal bank with regularly balance beams to cross – I bet Dog Shit enjoyed it!  Finally we hit the most confusing part of the trail where every trail seemed to go back on itself and paper was nowhere to be found – there were more paths than jungle and nobody knew where they were! Finally we hit the road and found paper again – who knows how much we missed, but we were back on the way home and the On-In was there.

We moved the circle down the road so we could find some food and the circle started with a monologue – not a speech, a monologue! Timed for 7 minutes without interruptions, with interruptions it took somewhat longer. Finally the hare’s were splashed and dutifully punished for their transgressions. Sloppy is one devious guy and today he had plenty of tricks up his sleeves.