Tag Archives: Frozen Dick

25th November – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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We all got word of Itchy Bitchy’s poor dead dog just before the CSH3 run on Saturday. CH4 committee members Mr. Poo and Byte My Yahoo pondered worrisomely throughout the night trying to decide the best course of action. Yahoo decided that he was up for the challenge of setting a non-scouted run in an area that he always gets lost in. When I pulled up to the A site, I was happy to see that he had returned alive and in post-shower bliss though slightly disappointed that he HAD remembered to bring his towel (unlike yesterday). That wasn’t the first bent over bum I’d be seeing that day, but it was perhaps the finest. 😉

With the Lanna Bush Fang and Bunny Pai outstations taking place over the weekend, we weren’t really sure who would be running. Fortunately, Anything, Unplugged and Frozen Dick had all made it back. We could all see where the paper trail began early on, and so Frozen Dick set off immediately without waiting to listen to the full hare brief – racing bastard! The first circle check was slightly confusing as no one was really sure who was supposed to do the checking. BmY had set the run, Chuck Wao had such a terrible hangover that he couldn’t even make it to the run and Mr. Poo was looking rather slow and haggard – possibly due to the unusual adventure of him staying at the Hash Pub past midnight. No, he didn’t turn into a pumpkin, just a tired old man more like his own age. :)

Having not scouted the run beforehand, it was clear that BmY was getting us as lost at his checks as he was when he was setting it. Hashers dispersed in all directions led mostly by FRB bunnies Anything, Beautiful Box, Crazy Crack, Can’t Stop Cumming and Cock Climber. Finally, we found the ‘On’ some couple hundred of meters away with Grumbledick pondering BmY’s ‘mistake’. Having done a similar scouting / setting at the same time run last week, I knew there were more of these kinds of checks to cum.

There were quite a few, in fact, in which some hashers waited for nearly 5 minutes (mostly bent over picking grass needles out of their shoes) at the check due to numerous hidden trails and everyone unsure of who was up ahead checking already. At one particular circle check Beautiful Box, followed by a deeply entranced Human Excrement, passed straight through a blatant False Trail AND Checkback bar – maybe they wanted to spend some time in the woods alone together? Luckily, I saw it and we all headed back to a call from Anything who then passed right through a V-check. Though I was fairly certain that she had gone the correct way, I checked to my right anyhow, closely followed by Mr. Poo, down what was of course the wrong trail – darn it – and then was off to try and catch up to Anything once again.

At another circle check, hashers trampled deep into the bush failing to think about the 360 degrees scenario. Though I’m not sure who found the ‘On’, it was Frozen Dick that bellowed out to bring back together hashers checking every which way but the right one. A very narrow barbed wire fence slowed everyone down except for Crazy Crack who leaped through with perfect precision. Frozen Dick had to be dragged underneath by about half a dozen hashers and was slightly peeved to discover from the hare later that there had been a more accessible gateway about 20 meters or so away. EVIL hare!

Frozen Dick’s GPS came in handy when he gave it a look at the last check before the main road. “That way!” he stated with certainty giving both of us the FRB advantage. But, someone was already in front of us and had kicked out the circle checks heading straight back to the A. I could see Mr. Poo and Crazy Crack up ahead jogging around each other in circles in what I presumed was a False Trail and so was happy to spot them just as I was passing a nice trail heading left. Humperdick was cutting across to meet me though failed to inform anyone of the False Trail making him a newly inducted member of the CUNT family.

As we headed up a slight incline to the On-In, I could hear Cock Climber and Can’t Stop Cumming behind me complaining of how slow they had been running all day. Perhaps a little too much Spider Peeing for both of them? We’re all still trying to figure out what that is exactly – definitely a splash to remember for next week! It was a fun run followed by a fun circle though slightly delayed due to the antics of Ravenous, Codpiece and Tip Toe! Some of us DID wonder how they would make it through that barbed wire – a moot point as they somehow ended up at the Canal Road!!! After the circle, we headed to the OnOnOn to celebrate Bar Bin Doll’s birthday!!!

On-On

Big Top

19th November – CH3 – Skid Mark

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In honour of Superman’s 600th run, Skiddy set the trail close by Sup’s office and spent a good while explaining to the Songthaew driver how to get there. Nonetheless we set off on time, and jogged along past some dogs to the first check, which most of immediately got wrong as we chose not to check through someone’s garden. Anyway, it wouldn’t be the last time I screwed up and seemed to spend most of my time coming back from checking in the wrong places. One of my bad checks left me so far off trail that most of the hashers thought I’d short cut. Nope I was just a long way behind for a long time. When I overtook Frozen he asked where I’d come from. I gradually picked off Tip Toe, Superman, Sticky Wicket, Slippery When Wet, and eventually got to the back of the FRBs as they looked after the Skiddy Sticks.

I turned back and quickly picked up the paper going back in the opposite direction. I hit the front of the pack and my luck changed as I ran through the next few checks with voices getting fainter behind me. The last circle caught me out though and I spent some time checking along the road before cutting into the field. I could hear Skiddy roaring with laughter in that direction, so I knew I must be close. Turns out I found the beer before the On-In, but went back to guide the pack through a tiny tunnel.

Just about all my legs wanted after 3 days consecutive hashing. Shame about the circle! 😉

18th November – CH4 – Big Top

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EVIL was setting the run, and she’d done a web search to try and find a virgin runsite! The runsite was probably virgin – it looked like it had been dug out a few days before, and we proceeded to park up in a mud pit. Fortunately it wasn’t raining! I was pretty sure we’d run around the area fairly recently though!

The hare brief warned us about the potential of 200m circle checks (just to fuck with us), as well as false trails etc. I was trying to pay attention, but wasn’t the only one suffering from an EVIL induced hangover! 😉 Anyway, Humperdick and I set off running and the trail started with a circle. Only one obvious trail away from it, and I was calling OnOn at the road. We ducked into a resort, and a circle at the side of a lake. Clearly we had to go one side of the lake or the other, so I set off running – with potentially 200m to the first powder I got to the other side of the lake before I heard Chuckie calling from the road on the cliff above me. Darn it to buggery, I was screwed!

I cut through a resort that Bend Over and HRA have used as an A bucket before, and rejoined the trail behind Frozen Dick. I caught Human Excrement as he guarded a check – no effort to kick it out, just standing and guarding!

The trail headed up the hill, a nice trail that I’ve run down before – I prefer running down it! Semen Soars and Chuckie were enjoying themselves up front while Poo and I enjoyed ourselves behind Unplugged and Beautiful Box! There’s a great trail that cuts around the side of the mountain, and we could see SS ahead, so far ahead… After a circle check the hare gave great attention to avoiding the nice trail down, cutting steep down an orchard instead. CW didn’t like it, but he didn’t like me throwing myself off the side either, so we hit the rubber wall together. No chance either of us was going to check left – that’s about a 10km detour!!! The next False Trail caught out CW because he’s a good sport, and it let Poo join us at the last check.

The memory of the 200m circle checks had faded, and the pack regrouped as we didn’t want to go past 120… Finally CW found it and jogged on home. Very similar to a run that Bend Over and HRA have set in reverse, but there is a good reason – it’s a good run!

Elevation Gain Criminals!!

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Given that everyone knows I hate hills…. 😉 Since I got the GPS, here are the biggest elevation differences:-

1) 440m – 15th Jan 2012 – The Ball Breaker – Frozen & Humper Dick. OK, it was the Ball Breaker… Once a year, I forgive you!

2) 387m – 29th Dec 2012 – Skid Mark’s Xmas Lanna Run… Remember that bastard hill? At least we had miles of rice fields to recover in!

3) 299m – 25th Feb 2012 – Belly Dancer (& Square Rooter)’s Lanna Run – Evil, evil, evil… Pure evil!

4) 293m – 20th Oct 2012 – Throbbing Ninja – Around half the distance and half the time of those above – Throbbing Ninja welcomed our guests with a truly evil ascent. One of the toughest CSH3’s I can remember.

5) 283m – 22nd September 2012 – Hollow Legs – remember when he dragged us straight up, and couldn’t be bothered to find a way back?

6) 253m – 26th February 2012 – Anything – who could forget when Anything set the run by Doi Kham? Only Humperdick did the full trail… When I got the scout report, the trail should have been 438m elevation change – which would have put it #2 had I not made my way back to lower ground…

7) 246m – 4th March – Itchy Bitchy – If I recall this was the 400th run, which Anything again had a say in… I seem to remember short cutting this and still it reports at 246m elevation gain – is this the GPS reading I stole from BD?

8) 231m – 1st January – Mr. Poo – To shake off the new years day hangovers he chose to not take us up the hill once, but twice. Behind Wat Umong, a memorable run for all the wrong reasons!

9) 214m – 6th October – Cool Balls – The outstation at Khun Yuam… I think this was all on the B->C part of the run!

10) OK, I have my sets stored too… and I can’t avoid it, one of them should make it to this list…:-
? 216 – December 27th – remember the Christmas Spirit run?
? 204 – January 28th – remember across the dam towards Doi Saket?

THIS IS NOT A CHALLENGE!!!! GETTING ON THIS LIST IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!!!

5th November – CH3 – Frozen Dick

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After a long absence, my first run back with the male hash and circumstance led it to be Frozen Dick and Belly Dancer… Of course I can’t forget when Belly left us out in the wild in the dark, and Frozen has a history in that area of setting 11+km runs that got fucked up – what could the pair of them concoct together???

The hare brief was brief – especially by Frozen Dick standards – and we set off along the edge of a lake to a circle check next to a weir. Of course it would be across the weir, but only Skiddy followed me over and we dispersed through the myriad of trails that were there. There were lots of good trails on the other side of the water, and only after we’d exhausted the nice trails did I check the shiggy crappy trail that ran along the waterside. Frozen had pulled a chair up to watch from the other side, so it was pretty clear I was onto something. Sure enough I was in shit, but apparently this was the trail.

We hit a road and so the tarmac began. I ran the wrong way, I ran further the wrong way, it seemed every direction I set off in was wrong… Dogs attacked, and the pack caught up as Poo found trail leading up the hill – only we weren’t going up the hill, that was just a lamely marked false trail. Back to the road where the trail was marked on the back of trees, but it was clearly on tarmac. Another circle had me way off trail to the left, and Poo not spotting the crappy false trail to the right. More tarmac!

Finally we cut off the road and Skiddy was leading along a muddy track. We ran straight past a circle hidden away to the right. Nobody was interested in checking right, so we all ran straight to the paper. Humperdick didn’t like the look of the next check, but after around 150+++ metres I found paper and called on. The V was redundant, as Poo ran over the hill while I ran around it.

Then there was a circle by a little lake / quarry type thing. It was familiar ground – Just Cumming had run us here just a few weeks back. It doesn’t go anywhere – at least it doesn’t go anywhere nice… I checked around in circles around the lake, only to hear Poo calling up the hill way in the distance… I jogged over and had a look as the trail went up. Square Rooter decided to go for it. I looked the opposite direction at the white pagoda where my car was…

I was concerned about Tip Toe, and so helped him walk back… 😉 Meanwhile Sups and Missing Link had already turned back. Kwazi had done his own run from the start. 2 days in a row I turned back at the base of a mountain after 4-5 km…

4th November – CH4 – Angry Inch

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Angry Inch was the hare, but it seemed he did a fantastic job of delegation – delegating Poo to set the trail and run the circle! Poo decided to live hare it and asked for a 10 minute head start. Angry Inch really didn’t want us to leave, but after 5 minutes we set off in pursuit.

It appears that Poo had already broken live haring etiquette, by pre-laying trail – the first False Trail which bought him an extra few minutes. In the confusion it was Frozen Dick that ended up as FRB, and for the 2nd day running inexperienced FRBs caused confusion to reign, and Poo was surely off into the distance by then.

We all know the Ag centre well, and hares essentially have a choice – running along the flat trails at the bottom of the hill, OR going up the hill. NOT BOTH! Given that it was a live haring, the flat trails seemed the obvious choice – Belly Dancer cut across and claimed he caught the hare… Anyway, it was through the orchard (de ja vu) and along the reservoir – the trails much more overgrown than previously. Poo even managed to build a blockade to suggest he hadn’t been through.

My legs started feeling the effects of Bone Hur hill yesterday, my head was feeling the effects of an evening with Evil Big Top, so I was unsettled that we set off to do the loop around the big field which would add a couple of km to the run. Abruptly there was a circle check and the trail cut left UP THE HILL! Huh? Is Poo some kind of superman? A live hare, after 5km decides to go up the hill? Nobody wanted to check that way, but sure enough the trail went up… I’m guessing that the beer stop was up there somewhere – Square Rooter and I thought better of it – afterall what goes up must come down!

When we got back, having crawled under a barbwire fence, there were already quite an assembly at the A bucket. Conspicuously no hares, but plenty of short cutters! The hares strolled in after about an hour, and Humperdick lead the FRBs in a while after that with them appearing from all directions. I think only Humperdick actually came from the same direction as Poo. Skid Mark was DFL clocking up 9.5km! Nice run, I do like the live hare scenario, but not sure my legs will recover in time for a return to male hashing tomorrow…

28th October – Mr Poo & Knockout

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The Location – Mr Poo decided that having his run so close to the Bunny H3 might not be a good idea.  Did he think the males would sneak off to chase the Bunnies?  Or was he afraid that no one would come to his run at all?  The next plan was a run at CMU but building work there had blocked off the most fun trails.  Eventually he decided to set a run at the Fire Prevention Centre. Despite confusing the hell out of Belly Dancer with complicated directions like ‘out of town’ – quite a strong turn out appeared.

The Run – What a crappy run! – only Dog Shit’s 1.3km figure-8 run and of course Belly Dancer’s pointless and dangerous ramble over the mountains with no discernible trails were worse than this!  Even Throbbing Ninja’s recent attempt to kill off hashers by oxygen deprivation at high attitude was preferable to the run Mr Poo set! At best it was 3km – but hashers managed to waste 20 minutes on a slope infested with mosquitoes and bamboo spikes looking for trail. Frustrated with people calling on previously run trail Grease Gorilla intimidated people so much that even when Seaman Soars found the trail he was told that he was wrong.

Chack Wow was on the verge of making one of his ‘executive decisions’ and leading people back but eventually Jungle Chim (or possibly Square Router) insisted that he really was standing on som powder that we had not seen before and we actually continued with the run intended . Mr Poo did redeem himself (a little) by turning up with cold beer and co-hare Knockout at his favourite knocking spot – ooops I mean picnic table. Belly Dancer decided to give up on the rest of the run and  lead the ladies back in – ignoring the powder and voracious yapping dogs that the FRBs faced as they dutifully ran around the lake.

The Circle – an X-rated circle the likes of which I’ve never witnessed before – unmentionable!

Well done Mr Poo – crappy run, great beer and one of the best Happy Hash circles I’ve ever been too!

22nd October 2012 – Dog Shit and Skidmark

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It had been a big weekend of hashing.  The visitors from Hong Kong had enjoyed the sights of Chiang Mai on Friday night, along with some locals (though many of them ended up having to make their own plans).  Throbbing Ninja had tried to kill us all on Saturday, and there had been two great hashes on Sunday.  How could we crown this?  Apparently with a beautiful run from a beautiful resort with a swimming pool!

The first confusion on the run was a circle check in a river from which we found more trail and another circle.  One of the visitors asked if it was ‘trail on’ but International Hashing Rules expert Chack Wow didn’t know the term (apparently it means that you call ‘on on’ if you see paper).  However we couldn’t decide if we had got there ‘legitimately’ and wandered around aimlessly before one of the Hong Kong visitors found it back across the bridge we had just crossed.  Superman, who’d been standing there waiting, led the charge and we were off again.

There were an enormous number of checks (Skidmark had promised 15!) which kept the pack well together.  A length of trail along a stream meant: trail, water, trail, water in a way that kept Mr Poo and Chack Wow busy, until Mr Poo stumbled off up the wrong hill.   Around this point Hunperdick caught up and pointed out he couldn’t hear Turkish Delight calling, much as when he is actually at the run.

The visitors completely missed the Skiddy Sticks towards the end of the run and while checking some people may have gone through crops, which led a local farmer to fire his gun in the air and encourage some yellow-bellied hashers (Superman, Gready, Tiptoe, Frozen Dick) to take a different route in and miss the swimming pool.

Circle was great (congratulations to Belly) and Nutcracker was given his fantastic touring name ‘Finger up my ass’!  Success all round! :)

14th October – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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A BmY live hared always gets the blood pumping a bit faster and after reading Frozen Dick’s Facebook post about how a trail is a ‘work of art’ – I fully expected BmY to apply his vast intelligence into setting something pretty special.

However …. Evil Big Top conspired with Chuck Wao and Mr Poo to thwart his endeavours the night before by plying him with beer. Grease Gorilla too had been enlisted to further fill him with sambuca …. Fortunately I decided that a peaceful night before Anything came back from Phuket was a more sensible option than heading into town (no one saw me did they? 5555).

I got a bleary phone call at 12:35 Sunday lunchtime from BmY asking be to bring along a powder bottle – rats had devoured his bottles – and I asked if his co-hare was ready? There was earlier promise of Fish and Tits co-haring with BmY, but he forlornly said since she learnt of her role in the run – she had gone A.W.O.L.

So I headed off (yet again) to Doi Suckit and BmY’s favourite running territory and there was a nervous panic stricken BmY waiting – hummm – whats to become of this? BmY then proceeded to tell me about the dump trucks carrying away his run!! This did not look promising at all – I was even more perturbed when he told me where he had hidden the beer – did he seriously think I would get there first to find it!?

A good crowd of 28 turned up and a shaking BmY got on with the hare brief (well … a rather long brief) and after Skid Mark had been selected for precision time keeping – BmY was given a 5 minute head start.

Grease Gorilla had brought KY and was eager to run BmY down – Chuck Wao and Mr Poo looked like they’d just fallen out of bed. Humperdick along with Cant Stop Cumming, Cock Climber and her sexy sister (Clit Climber?) led the early charge.

On Out and as usual I got to the first check and proceeded to get it wrong … just … as Cant Stop Cumming just found the paper ahead of me … BmY had won the day at this check as all the FRB’s were totally off course and must have taken 2 or 3 minutes for them to regain the lead.

Through some modest shaggy and then round BmY’s scenic lakes – this was some great hashing – the checks kept the pack nicely together with me alternating between which was the better view – the trail, Knockout or Seman Soars daughter Lauren (Pussy Sores?).

On the look out for the BN (beer near) marking and BmY’s cryptic description of where to find it – after 2.3km there was the FRB huddle were supping into it. It turns out that 6 can’s was enough for everybody – more smart thinking BmY! I (stupidly) thought that this was half way and would help BmY out by bringing his mini-eske back – humm – not a smart move on my part!!

A little before we got to the main canal – a V-check totally screwed the FRB’s – it had been kicked out wrong as I arrived, perhaps it was Cant Stop Cumming who went the right way and called on – but by now BmY was no doubt back at the ‘B’(?) supping his 2nd beer.

At the canal the obligatory check left the temptation to head back down the road a tempting option – surely BmY would not have much more left in him? Wrong – the run became a bit more challenging – with a circle check hidden by a stream crossing catching us all out and bringing the pack together – Skid Mark or Dog Shit I think found the innocuous little trail off this.

Through some shiggy and then some road (hummm) … then into a buffalo field that forced us to slow down and finally the pack was dispersing. Glancing at the GPS as we finally reached the canal again – 6.66km!!

BmY claimed an 11 minute gap on FRB Chuck Wao – well done Sir – a great RUN despite the attempts to thwart you!!

An exhausted BmY handed the circle over to RA Mr Poo – who did a fine job entertaining the circle. (Lovely) Dog Shit’s new girlfriend (Nam Tarn) was awarded the female wings and Humperdick unjustly got the male wings for admiring Knockout’s butt!!

OnOnOn to the restaurant opposite the Airport in anticipation of picking up the Bunnies returning from Phuket. More inspired planning from BmY – Thanks for a fun day – (and I want my bottle back before your rats eat it!).

OnOn
BD

Scout:-
Set:-

13th October – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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Mr. Poo chose Frozen Dick to co-hare with him, and that explains why the run was way out past Doi Saket, and not at Wat Umong or the Boy Scout Camp..! Anyway, we made our way out to the outstation, with Superman and Chilly Pussy missing the run start. Sups was duly punished for not getting the beer there on time, and Humps protested the lack of water. Turkish had already confused most of the drivers by stopping at the wrong A site, while Big Top, Geisha Gash and Shagless cruised way past the A bucket, presumably scouting future runs?

After such a shambolic start, we set off and I immediately got the first check wrong, but I caught back up with the FRBs as we approached a lake that I have some less than fond memories of. Jogging down away from the lake, I kicked a snake by mistake – ugh!!! At the cross check, Chuck Wao correctly guessed uphill and after coming back from the check back a largish group proceeded up the hill. They hares had done a good job with the checks, and there were some more tough ones to come – Skiddy found the paper after a great check that brought everyone back together before sending us down a tiny ‘trail’? We scrambled across a hill and as we emerged to a small trail the other end, we were completely disoriented.

Turkish got the pick of the check and cruised off the way we all wanted to go. We suspected him of silent running and followed after him – meanwhile, Sloppy Rod was the silent running c*nt who wanted to win like a racist bastard and refused to call again for the rest of the run. As Chuck Wao, myself and HRA pursued him fortunately he got his just deserts and was later punished on the ice.

The circle was fun, and then it was in to town to be punished by the evil Big Top!