Why does Cool Balls hate us? We were lacking some of the FRBs away at the male outstation, but we’d be fine. When I arrived at the runsite, no one was there, and ominously it was the place Big Top had picked for her highway run a few weeks before. I was confident Cool Balls would put something decent together – until I heard that he only found out he was hare the day before… Uhoh!
I jogged off with Brown Finger, and we tagged our way through the first few checks, with Big Top, None of Your Business and Humperdick just behind. The trail was up, and when I say trail, I am being generous. It was a scramble through jesus trees, with the occasional bit of paper to encourage us we might get out of it alive! Somehow we hit a road in the middle of nowhere and ran up it. I hit a 200m checkback off a V check, and never saw Brown Finger again.
I could hear him ahead from time to time, but the checks needed to be broken again, and soon enough None of Your Business, Humperdick and I think Crap Thai joined me at a check that really shouldn’t have been as hard as I found it! I checked all over before I followed NOYB down a steep hack. NOYB took off like a pubescent kid trying to outrun his Dad for the first time – an ambition that was just beyond him this time… 😉
I’ve spent a bunch of time (>80km) scouting for the Ball Breaker, and I’ve ruled out “trails” that were much better than this! Perhaps I should re-evaluate? 😉
With a Bunny Outstation, there was a smaller than usual group gathered close to the football field on canal road. Wiping Humperdick’s last run from my mind, I reassured myself that he normally puts in a good job. After introducing the all new “K” check, we were set off towards familiar trails.
I’ve set runs there, I’ve ran many runs there, this would be easy! Nope… First check had me hopelessly in the wrong direction. I got back into it by the 3rd check, and sure enough I went 180 degrees from the right way. It was a trend that was to continue. I was feeling fresh and good, so put some efforts in to get to the front, and each time I did I ran into false trails, or checks that I screwed up! Notably, I got the false trail, and on the way back I clambered up the wrong hill finally hearing the on-on from the other side of the valley. Again later, I was trapped the wrong side of a ravine while the FRBs were cruising away on the other side. I’m not sure I could get it more wrong!
I got to the point of not believing myself. So when I got to a check, with Square Rooter, I thought which would be my last choice? Because that’s probably where we’re going. Sure enough I charged down a steep hill – again 180 degrees from the true trail.
An excellent set – a lot of fun! The circle was great too – that’s why we hash!
So, we had a virgin hare, but she’d recruited the experience of Wooly Jumper, so surely it would be ok? A nice runsite, with a nice garden for the kids to run around in, but it was ominously close to the main roads, so I wondered where the run would go! Sure enough we were directed out onto the main road, so I ran along with Banana Wiggler for a bit. Paper continued a long way along the main road, until I got to the On-In! Hmmm… Something was wrong – it had seemed like we were following the paper the wrong way – always being behind the tree, not in front of it…
I turned back and we started exploring other random turnings, looking for paper. Suddenly Anything ran off in the direction of the On-In… huh? That can’t be it – I’ll jog back and ask the hares what to do – perhaps the directions should have been left on the road, not right – an easy mistake! I got back to the “A” (having seen the On-In), and there were no hares! The beer cooler was looking at me, but I resisted and went back to look for paper. Graven, Humperdick, Stan and I mingled around for a bit and then set off back towards the OnIn – if necessary we can do it backwards, right?
Just before the OnIn the trail had changed and was now leading down a small soi, just next to the OnIn… Damnit! I had 2.5km on the GPS and I hadn’t seen a check yet! The chase was on, and Graven & Stan took off ahead of me. I soon started catching people, and slowly made my way through the walkers. Surely there would be a check soon that would slow them down? It dawned on me that the hares had made the rookie mistake of many DFLs. When they get to circle checks, normally there is paper leading away from it, so to save the FRBs the hassle of kicking checks out and laying paper for those following, the hares had decided to do it for us!!! Such kind hares!!!
With no chance of catching the leaders, I set a steady pace and just kept jogging. Eventually I hit the main road, and jogged for about a km before I saw the On-In, and then another km or so back to the A. I did a bit over 7km, and most of it was on the main road! I do remember a short loop through an orchard though…
Humperdick is a good hare and when I set off from work, I was certain we were in for a treat… Even if it was going to be a brief one as the run wasn’t going to start any earlier! (As the circle later turned into a Thai lesson “ดื้อ” springs to mind. Anyway, with little hope of finishing in daylight, we set off on Humper’s run.
The checks were excellent. Clearly well thought out, and sneaky – I would have been proud of them and been chuckling to myself as I spied on the erroneous hashers from behind the bushes – only this time I was a runner, not a hare! First check, of course I got it wrong. Foolishly I ran back and got back to the lead at the 2nd check, which I also got wrong. It was a trend – the first to the check were likely to get it wrong. The landscape and our history were begging the run to go clockwise around to the right, but the hare disagreed.
Humpers found some good trails and checks to take us back over the other side of the road. I ran along with Horny remarking at what a great run it was (a bit premature). We hit a gate that had been sneakily electrified, and the brief shock was compounded by the skiddy sticks. Bugger! We headed ominously towards the hills, and when finally the good trails ran out the hare didn’t give up, and forged a creative path straight up the shiggy, along a ridge and back down. There was no trail, but apparently the hare had assumed there would be.
We got back down, and inexplicitly the hare decided to take us back up again, another steep climb, only to cut over to the left and cut back down again. why? We’ll never know… Graven meanwhile had thought better of the trail and reappeared ahead of us having taken a much nicer trail along the bottom of the hill the other side. If only the hare had found it!
It was getting dark and we were hacking through shiggy… It was dark and we were approaching a road… It was pitch black and we were heading along the road, On-In and beer was waiting.
Talking to Big Top late last night, she was confident the run was nailed down and it would be a good one. So we set off to 10k or so along the Sameong Road, only I set off a bit late forgetting the run started earlier. So when I got to the run site with None of Your Business, we were already chasing out of the A. Fortunately we managed to find the back of the pack, and quickly caught Kwazi Moto and Tip Toe.
I hit the front off an early check, and then quickly fucked up. We headed through a guys house and into a ‘mine’. A strange check had half the pack climbing up the side of the mine, while Humperdick went 150+ metres to find the trail coming back to 50m from the check. Confusing calls as the next check was closer to the previous check than the trail had been! We made it over the ridge and down into the valley the other side, to where it appears the hare screwed up…
Skiddy was leading the way and found his way down to the roads. He also found an easter egg – a secret trail that we weren’t meant to follow – why was there paper there? Further confusion as we could see paper in one direction, and hear Skiddy calling in another. A circle check with trail from 20m on. We quickly got out to the main road. I checked my gps – a bit over 2km into the run. The trail headed along the road, and not so far along there was a check. It confused everyone, as nobody wanted to keep checking on the road, but sure enough the trail went along the road. And on, and on, and on along the road.
What do you expect? Skiddy from the flats to the south of CNX – during rainy season… I expect to get wet…
At a restaurant and dinner ordered, we got our hare brief and set off. I planned a steady start and watched as Humperdick & Horny Monkey set the early pace. Along the road and I assume they were calling, but it was drowned out by the cars. The first check took us across the railway, and the 2 FRBs danced in front of the train leaving the rest of us to follow behind. Soon it wouldn’t matter – it was on to a trail hacked out of the fields by Skiddy’s machete. It was hard going and certainly not running terrain… The reward at the end? A set of Skiddy sticks hidden disguised in the long grass… You know things aren’t going well when it’s Sups’ whistle that leads you the way…
We ran through a huge construction yard, with the simple goal of reaching the highway, and ran along the highway with cars flying past at 140-160kmph. A moments refuge and a beer with the promise of beautiful ladies and the delivery of a grumpy father. Whatever, we move on through Skiddy’s favourite bridges and danced through some trees. It was time to haul ass, and put some effort in. We crossed the train tracks again, and I spotted a bit of paper across the road, woot.. With a small mistake I nailed a few checks and was out ahead. We were nearly back, and surely I had it in the bag… A glance over my shoulder and there was Suckit, Poo and Horny on my tail. Another check – goddamnit! It has to be to the right? surely? not to the left? But there didn’t seem a way through, so the 4 of us checked down the street to the left… Only to hear Ting Tong calling back to the right… AAARGH! So close, but at least the food was good!
Anything, teamed up with Chilly Pussy, a deadly combination! Having set the most lethal runs for the past few years this was a run that needed mental preparation for… No point making excuses, it’s game time… The strategy was to take it steady early on and save energy for the inevitable later stages.
Out of the bus stormed a team of Chiang Rai hashers – hair perfectly manicured, t-shirts gripping to their pecs and accentuating their biceps. They waved their Princeton graduation certificates flexed and soon gathered a flock of harriettes worshipping them. Oh, and Namron was there too…
We set off up the hill, and I instantly got the first check wrong. Not to worry, I dragged Princeton boy off on my first parallel run – the only problem was it wasn’t quite parallel – not quite perpendicular, but certainly not heading in the right direction! We ended up going over a small hill to rejoin the pack with Humperdick and Square Rooter taking joy in my mistake…
Up another hill, and the hashers spread out on the trail with Patrick seemingly in the lead. I got back towards the front, just in time to get another check wrong. Turned out it was the last check – and we had a 2-3km stretch without checks to take us back. As the trail turned back, I opted for another parallel run – it was technically further, but much easier going, and I popped up ahead of Patrick. Namron had the bit between his teeth and quickly closed us down, sprinting through in search of ‘victory’.
Surprisingly short from Anything, I feared for worse… – perhaps she is lulling us into a false sense of security?
Alice comes all the way over from Saudi, and when he steps up to set a run, he generally puts plenty of effort it – generally! We heard from Baldrick about how he’d been awol all week hiking around the hills in search of virgins, or virgin trail. The bunnies also had a special run today though, so the numbers were a little low, so when I arrived with legs already aching from yesterday, it was ominous to see HRA & Humperdick (still recovering from Dengue) as the only true FRBs about. It could be interesting.
We set off and I got the first check wrong – typical! I rejoined Humps & HRA at the 2nd check, where HRA was forced to do the dummy run, the wrong way down the hill. The last time he made that mistake as he turned into a circle guard unless he was certain he was correct… We cut inland for a loop, before heading back out to the road through tall grass. Along the road a bit further before Alice found the trail he wanted us on, and we headed for the mountains. I was hitting the checks well, and doing my best to set a reasonable pace, but when I finally got one wrong, HRA, Square Rooter & Humperdick appeared right behind me.
A little confusion at the top of the hill and HRA managed to slip away from us as Bend Over and Baldrick joined us in a second pack trying to chase down the silent running HRA. We ran through another old runsite, and I realised just how far we had left to go… From then though the checks were mostly straight ahead, and we had no chance of hearing HRA again. I ended up doing the stupid checks right and left while Humperdick ran ahead and Bend Over guarded the checks.
All in all a damn good run, a bit over 7km so my legs will definitely be feeling it tomorrow!
After so many years of hashing, I’ve never managed to run on a Soapy run – apparently that’s because today was the first time he’s set one!!! After 7 years of planning, 7 years of preparation, 7 years of examining different runsites, this would surely be the greatest run in hash history?!? Well, at least not as bad as Horny’s run yesterday!
At the run site there was a good turn out, including 2 young athletic looking types, who hopped out of Humperdick’s truck. More Dutchies!? With no Dogshit, I guess they figured they’d try and get back to quota? An elaborate harebrief, and we were set off down a familiar hill, straight into Suckit country. I let gravity take hold and found myself alone at the bottom of the hill, following trail to a V check. Turkish (who from now I on I will refer to as “C”, short for “C*NT”), ignored the check and came with me up a short hill. At the next X check, he again ignored the check, following me along the straight option. The lazy “C” wouldn’t check on his own, so I went back and tried another way. He stood and watched, and eventually we were both wrong. I didn’t hear him again all run, and if I don’t see him again, it would be too soon.
Fortunately the “young bucks” knew how to play the game, albeit with a racist theme… Things got a bit confusing a couple of times when the trails cut back on themselves, and pretty soon we were cutting right and arcing back towards the A. Too soon surely? He’d said it was short, and he didn’t lie about that… After 3.25km I was back at the A.
I have very low expectations when I see Turkey’s name on the hareline, but being determined to get out there and do something, I set off as it was close to town. The area behind the new expo on canal road puts us somewhere between the boy scout camp and 700 year stadium… I’ve been curious what was back there, and was quite surprised to drive up to the runsite overlooking a large lake that I had no idea was there.
Turkish was beaming, but the sky was darkening, and Chuckie was looking concerned. Sure enough the rains started moments before Turkish was due to give his harebrief. And it was torrential… We were all very reluctant to set off, but there was no sign of it easing and Turkey had clearly put some efforts in. Chuckie ran to his bike to get his poncho and followed along behind us vainly trying to keep his feet dry – ha!
The rain kept coming, and in slippery conditions I found myself quickly at a point that I didn’t feel comfortable getting through with my dodgy ankle. Frozen Dick passed me his walking stick, and I got through! My vanity made me pass the stick right back! I’m young – I don’t need that! Until after about another 100m or so, Frozen Dick suggested I would be better off with the stick – and he was right… Getting through the first km or so was tricky – we slipped and slided our way around the lake which had looked quite nice before, but was now just a mudbath that stank like a raw sewage overflow. I’m sure when Turkish had set off it would have been fine, but by now it was treacherous. Behind me CW kept dawdling along, chatting with Sups – they were clearly going to short cut at the first opportunity. I kept on going trying to stick with Dirty Pervert.
Thankfully we got away from the lake and headed into the hills, along some great trails that I knew must be there, but I didn’t recognise any of them. We cut through a barbed wire fence – did Turkey do that? Not sure what we were getting into (or out of?), but the trail was good. I was keeping up as Skid Mark and Humperdick did all the work up front. Each time they screwed up, I managed to get back to the front and I lost count of how many times Skiddy skiddied by. One particularly memorable check had the 2 FRBs charging down the hill, only for me to find trail back up the hill – I was astounded – sure Square Rooter had helped set this trail – there is no way that Turkish was capable of this??? Fortunately there was good camaraderie between a small field, and we worked together to find the way back, as I confess I was lost and disoriented.
A fun mellow circle was followed by the realisation that on a “Buddha Day” all the bars / restaurants are closed with no hope of more beer etc. A few of us ventured to Nong Flukes, and were greeted with the realisation, that while they couldn’t sell us alcohol, they had no objection to us bringing our own in! Fortunately I had a few leos in the car (as one does for emergencies like this!) so we ended up having a remarkably good OnOnOn! Again, I’m not sure when I will get to type this again, but ‘great job Turkish Delight’!