Tag Archives: Unplugged

17th November – CSH3 – Superbitch

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Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Superbitch teamed up with Wooly Jumper for the run, and they were looking suitably haggard when we showed up – they were busy picking the grass seeds out of their trousers. An ominous sign. They told me roughly where to start, but with the paper starting around a few corners, we were lucky to find the out trail!

At the first check we passed one of the world’s most mangy dogs, and I was attacked by a few more as I missed where the trail left the road up into the hills. It was a scramble up the shiggy bank to a trail and HRA hit the front. I jogged along with Horny Monkey, Humperdick and Unplugged until we met HRA coming back from a false trail at a cross check. I got lucky at the next check and hit a few checks spot on, going well until HRA caught me at a circle check on the top of a hill.

The trails looked familiar, we were close to where Square Rooter and I set about a month back. HRA sprinted off past me to check to the left, and I reluctantly went to the right – this time I was lucky though, and found the trail through a field and into some more shiggy. It was slow going and I heard Chuckie behind asking how far ahead I was.

Now we were on the trails I knew and getting another circle right I sped ahead rounded a corner and there was the “ON IN”. I was a little confused as I didn’t think we were that close to the A, but we had already done 4.5km or so. I kept plugging away, and then got off paper. Chuckie caught up as I started thinking I’d screwed up, but after 500m or so, we found some paper.

CW was begging me to let him overtake after the On-In, and eventually I let him go. Semen Soars also went past. How far was this??? My GPS said about 2.2km from the On-In back to the beers… It seems the hares hadn’t scouted and had grossly misjudged where they were, and neglected to go back and move the On-In. Shame as that was probably the only downside to a nice run on some great trails!

10th November – CSH3 – Square Rooter

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Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Is Square Rooter finally mellowing in his old age? He chose a run site with a great view out over some rolling hills, rather than at the bottom of a steep mountain. With positive comments about the run being passed around in advance, we set off with the returning Horny Monkey picking up the first check.

The 2nd circle had us foxed for a while, the trail continuing across the road and through a blocked gate across the field. Duly delayed the pack was together as we ambled up to the ridge line and along the top. There Square Rooter had invented a brand new check – a circle with trail leading in 2 directions, with one trail just stopping. It was Doesn’t Get It that led us nowhere and later Skiddy that found the true trail. By this time I was half a kilometer away at the bottom of the hill. I made attempts to get back, but in the end skirted up the road and intercepted Skiddy as he came down the trail.

With Poo in hot pursuit we hit some fantastic running trails that we could really open up on. With these trails Square Rooter was really spoiling us! From nowhere Skiddy appeared in front of me at a V check – he’d found some cunning short cut. The trail then took us off in a pointless loop back to a few yards from the check back I’d already seen. Beautiful Box, Unplugged, Sticky Wicket and Big Top were all seen passing through the check back and joining the front pack for a slog up the steep hill where the hare was grinning like a toothless fairy.

HRA took a turn at the front only to get the last check wrong, and it was Sloppy Rod that lead the way (IN FLIP FLOPS FFS) down the stony path back to the A. That was a really, really nice run.

27th October – CSH3 – Slippery When Wet

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A virgin hare – which means weeks of panicking in the desperate hope that everything works perfectly! Slippery was a nervous wreck for an hour or so before the run as he busily counted people as they arrived in the desperate hope they reached the magic #40 – which would trigger the reduced entrance fee to Ratchapreuk. He shouldn’t have worried, over 50 hashers showed up. Knowing we would be going inside Royal Flora, meant we knew it would be a flat run, no mountains and probably not the longest run/walk. The hare brief consisted of promises that we could short cut, along with some confusing new checks.

Then we were pointed across the car park in the direction of the park entrance. Cunningly the hares had extended the run by using the car park half a km from the entrance! Once inside the first circle was pivotal to know which way around the park we’d go – I got it right, left it was. Immediately I did a little loop around a garden just to get back to where the short cutters could see me.

At the next check there was a large lake, which surely we’d go around? Nope. After a few more loops around in circles we had Belly Dancer leading Big Top and others straight lining their way to keep up. The trail took us up some stairs, but at the bottom there were arrows pointing in all directions. What the hell, I’ll play the game and run up the stairs only to run around a big circular balcony while those below watched and laughed. Again Belly was at the front, and his competitive spirit pushed him to run through a check back to find inevitable trail further along, calling us to confusion as we doubled back on the trail in the wrong direction.

When Turkish Delight and I finally figured it out we found Skid Mark and Humperdick already ahead along with Angry Inch. How they managed that I have no idea! We doubled back past the temple, and again were completely confused searching for trail which had perhaps been washed away. All of a sudden it was Just Cumming as the FRB – wtf? How did he get there? Humperdick stood grumbling about the dutch windmill missing an arm as we ran through the international gardens. Finally heading back towards the entrance with Skid Mark and Turkish Delight, and with Unplugged, Plan and Big Top short cutting their way towards us.

From the looks of facebook this morning, while we were busy running, most of the ladies just went for a photo shoot in the park, posing in front of different flowers etc. Either way it was a very different hash. When hares try to do something different, it always takes some extra efforts, and is also prone to turning into a fuck up! This time, they’d thought it out, and it worked – lots of smiling faces for the circle. OnOn.

7th October – CSH3 – Redundant Semen

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

After Cool Ball’s epic outstation run, we struggled to assemble for a hangover run – hopefully Redundant Semen wouldn’t punish us too much… Heading out of the resort the legs were sore. We headed down the hill behind the resort, and I was dreading the fact we’d have to climb up again.

It was the ladies leading the way with Anything, Unplugged and Snail Trail. When they got to a V check, Anything took off on the more obvious trail to the right, while Snail Trail and Unplugged wanted me to do the dummy run left. Screw that, I took off after Anything, and was pleased to get the next 2 checks right – pleased because it led us speedily back to the resort, the beer, and a very brief circle.

6th October – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

It’s outstation time! Cool Balls had been warming up to this epic for weeks! First up it’s at Khun Yuam – about 20km north of Mae Sariang… 20km MY FUCKING ASS!!! Close to 100km along steep winding roads more like it. Once everyone had signed up he offered us half a dozen different ways to get there – the quickest of which was about 5 hours – short of hiring a helicopter of course!

Hashers straggled into the resort throughout the afternoon, weary from their rides / drives etc. We drank our way through Friday evening, with a restful day on Saturday, UNTIL 3pm when we gathered for the hash. I’d noticed Cool Balls and Redundant Semen slip away for around 4 hours in the morning, which was ominous… It was more ominous when Cool Balls appeared to lose the start of his run – emphasized as it took us 700m to find the first bits of paper.

Shortly after Chuckie and I split at the first V check – he was right, I was wrong. Where I say ‘first’ V check, actually it was the ONLY V check. And it seemed there were only 2 more circle checks to go as well – in 9.5km… YES 9.5km with 3 checks!

The trail led us down to a river, with a nice concrete bridge over it – apparently the only bridge the hares could find! I caught up with CW as he was turning back from a water crossing – I persuaded him otherwise and he joined the rest of the crazy hashers for a dip – not much that can be done on an A->B run! If you go back to the start, there’ll be nobody there…

We gamboled our way through some rice fields, with HRA and Anything somewhere up front. Chuckie vocalised his displeasure in typical style as we jogged on to a snake and leach infested corn field. A circle check had us all confused and 30 odd hashers dispersed through the field following what appeared to be trail, but which then trickled out. Finally Skiddy found the trail, the other side of the river, and we all dutifully waded through it. Lucky Skiddy had his camera to capture the moment. We then waded along the river to where the cars were waiting at a “B” stop.

After a beer, it was HRA that rustled up some hashers to go out on a 2nd leg – Humperdick showing fine form, with Unplugged, Snail Trail, Anything, Big Top, Cumalot, HRA, BmY, Skiddy braving the inevitable hill. Sure enough, he sent us back over the river (over a bridge this time), and straight to the foot of mount doom. There were no more checks, it was just a straight up climb. Probably one of the steepest hills Thailand has to offer, and every step sapped my energy to the point of collapse near the top. Fortunately, what goes up, must come down, and the downhill was a great running trail. I opened up, tracking Humpers, but only catching him when he screwed up at an invisible check – the cunning hares had again found a way to bring us back together, without using checks.

Through the rice fields and we were surely on our way home… I was so weary, I’d forgotten we were the wrong side of the river. Here it was narrower, faster, the current strong on my weary legs. Humps nearly fell too, so I stalled with HRA to pluck the ladies out as they surely got swept away – or rather, I stayed to watch HRA pluck the ladies out as none of us really had any energy left. Unplugged and Anything would have found a shorter route back to Chiang Mai had HRA not rescued them.

An epic 9.5km run. It had everything – water, ricefields, trail, climbing, descending through some truly spectacular countryside. If it wasn’t for the hash we would never experience it, so as the pain subsided, we appreciated the efforts of the hares more.

11th August – CSH3 – Humperdick

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

We set off towards the football field along the canal road, only to drive past it and weave our way along bumpy roads to a novel run site – so novel that HRA was desperate to plot the co-ordinates so he could return and steal the route again, while many of the female driving hashers were already worried about a dark exit… The perfectionist hare was already busy assisting Turkish with his erection.

Right on cue Sups arrived so we could unload and set off in good time. I careered off, sprinting down the hill, only to get the first check completely wrong and have to pick my way through hashers as we doubled back straight up the hill to where the hare was waiting. Bastard.

We jogged along, and then scrambled through some shiggy and finally intercepted some familiar trails. The pace was ok, with Chuckie, HRA, myself, Unplugged, Horny Monkey and occasionally Turkish taking turns at the front. We climbed up a gentle trail, before plunging down a road – time to open up the legs, only to find a sharp corner at the bottom as the sadistic hare turned and took us back up the hill again. Argh – Chuckie, loving the hills, hit the front and nobody could keep pace with him. We arced back down and surely this would be it? No – there was more pain to come with another climb to get over to the next valley – from the top of this final ascent Turkey’s Erection had the ladies gasping and all charged towards it. As I finally dropped to a walk on the road at the On-In, I was suddenly passed by a pack including Roger D and Big Top! WTF? Where did they come from? Clearly they came straight along the road missing the final climbs. Short Cutting and Sprint Finishing – excellent hash behaviour.

28th July – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

As time passes, there is a tendency to forget past haring mistakes, but as I traveled to the run site my mind was awash with fear. I encouraged fellow hashers to come along, lets hope they would and I was encouraged that Big Top had stepped up as co-hare – surely she could control him?

Turkish made his latest erection, and gradually the parking area filled with hashers – each discussing bad experiences they’d had on TD’s runs in the past – and each talking about different runs. Big Top was delegated to give the hare brief – where she explained about the Wimp / Rambo split, and without saying it directly, she encouraged us to take the Wimp option – turns out she meant to say “Don’t do the Rambo, it’s shit!”.

Nonetheless, we set off charging through fields (without permission), towards the base of the inevitable ascent. I screwed up the first circle and rejoined the FRBs at the 2nd circle, and started checking up the hill – sure enough a bit over 100m, I spotted some paper, and gave the customary “On! On!” – just at the same time the rest of the pack were directed by Turkish in the opposite direction – the hare himself being an FRB on his own run. What to do? I was joined by Alice, Frozen Dick and Unplugged for a discussion on the side of a rocky mountain. We divided with Unplugged and I scrambling up the trail in reverse. It wasn’t much fun – rocks, trees, wasps, boulders, stones, bees, spiders, shiggy, certainly no opportunity to run.

Eventually we ran into Chuck Wao and HRA, who suggested the other half of the rambo trail was probably even worse, and persuaded us to turn back and face the rocks, spiders, bees etc. again. Finally we emerged into a field and the last 500m or so was great. The beers started flowing. The wimps returned lauding what a nice run they’d had, while none of the FRBs had anything pleasant to say. The circle started, and finally Dog Shit returned, and then later Frozen Dick.

At least the food was good! 😀