Tag Archives: ABB

26th September – CH3 – Mr. Poo

Posted on September 26, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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A big congratulations to Mr. Poo as he is accepted into the Belly Dancer academy for hares who lost hashers in the dark on a mountain. At least it wasn’t raining… much… I slipped away from work and managed to make it to the hash – it was on my way home, so I really should make the effort! Over 2 months since I’ve been on the male hash, but I still wasn’t considered a returner – meh!

Behind the conference center, and we set off up the hill behind the temple. I seemed to be the only one running, and nailed the first couple of checks. The hares had tried to hide the paper on the trail beyond the barbed wire fence, but I could just about see a bit of white. The trail eventually turned left, and I so nearly checked there first, but was far enough ahead to get back, and find the trail, along with Square Rooter. Another circle, and we both thought Poo was heading towards the Boy Scout camp – typical Poo style! We checked further than we should have, and finally HRA called up the hill to the right. Damnit! My guts were screaming at me, and a Horny Monkey was definitely needed. I headed back slowly making sure the pack passed by, so I could find a quiet area.

I wasted around 5 minutes and thought I probably wouldn’t see the pack again. Climbed another hill, and came down to a nice flat trail – these trails are definitely more overgrown than last time I was up there! I rounded a corner and there was Piggy, along with just about everyone else. A stretch without paper had slowed everyone down and I was back with the pack, and lighter! We came out onto the main trail, and I recognised the junction where Diddly Squat and I met the army a few months ago. I was tired and figured it was time to head home, but the hare had other ideas…

Square Rooter called ONON from up the hill again – I’d already suggested to Piggy it was unlikely, but we followed the call… Well over 100m, but this trail was starting to get confusing. Another check, and suspicions were confirmed – we were now going backwards. I guessed a “Figure OF 8″…

Figure of 8 – it seems either works, figure of 8 or figure 8 – I’ve not heard it without the of before! but I much prefer this definition – HERE – go on, click the link!

As we were going backwards on trail, I suggested to HRA & Piggy that we continue and figure out what we were supposed to have done, so we carried on, calling “NoNo”. HRA & Piggy seemed completely confused when trail ran out, and then 100m later there was a circle with paper running off it. I tried to explain, but in the end gave up. HRA later said “I know we were running backwards on trail, but it just seemed like it was the wrong way…” <– Yes, perhaps Does Nothing’s juices had an effect? A while later, we found Alice, ABB and a bunch of others coming the other way (the correct way). By now light was fading, and it was time to head back, which was back along the trail. Kwazi wasn’t convinced, and persuaded Pussy Whisperer to follow the road out to the Boy Scout camp – bad idea! They arrived much later after Pussy Whisperer paid for a songthaew. Piggy, HRA, Alice & ABB listened to me and followed me back, passing Mr. Poo on trail as we finally finished his 6KM run – I stepped off the mountain just as it went black, and I wouldn’t have wanted to be out there even 2 minutes longer! Others weren’t so lucky, but fittingly Poo was the last one in. The circle was…. wtf?! A couple of mouthfuls of Does Nothing’s special blend, and Frozen was leading the drunkenness. I’m alive, everyone made it, and I think everyone has forgiven Poo! Let’s change the runtime before someone gets hurt!

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17th Sept – CSH3 – TMB & Alice

Posted on September 17, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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A long drive down to canal road, and gradually the sunset as I drove, for today was a full moon run. I arrived to confusion as someone decided to move the runsite, apparently scared of the full moon ghosts? We were set off at 7, torches in hand, and the paper was actually really easy to follow. At the first check, I eventually got it right, with Frozen spotting it in the distance before I did. I started putting a collection of checks together and put a bit of a spurt on the build up a lead – things were going well, until suddenly it hit me, I’m on my own… in the dark… This grass is really deep… “Snake!?” “Shit!”

Much of the trail was familiar, and yet so different at night. I got out to a mainer trail, and picked left. Yup, there was paper, but absolute silence behind me. The next junction had to be right, and sure enough paper again… This was going like a dream! I kept pushing and another circle. Based on what I’d picked up from the hares, I was sure at this point it was going to be clockwise, and we had to break to the right. Confidently I checked to the right… Nada… How about up this little trail? Nada, another one? Nada… So I got back to the circle, just as Toe Sucker arrived. So it was left – I guess left a bit more and then around further to the right?

I was still wrong and now Toe Sucker called on. I sped past her, wanting to continue my dream run, and of course turned right at the next check. I ran up the hill, but found nothing… I stood at the junction at the top in bemused confusion. Damnit!!! Finally there was a call from the left…. – Seriously this was going to be anti-clockwise afterall?!? I sprinted down the hill, angry at myself, and now deep into the middle of the pack, gradually picking off ABB, a visitor from the states and Cuckold. Another check and I arrived just as HRA called again from the left. OK, I can chase that old guy down!!! Angry Inch was running with me, but I upped the tempo and gradually opened up a gap on him, closing down on HRA, until from just ahead of me I heard “False Trail!”…. AAAAARGH!!!!!! We turned back and almost immediately there was the On call from Chuckie.

Excellent checks there, killed the racism in me perfectly! From somewhere Mr. Poo broke free, and apart from Turkish (who short cut massively), the blind man lead the pack out of the darkness to the beer! Excellent run – well thought out, using the right kind of trails for the conditions – I really enjoyed it, and running without the heat of the sun was really pleasant. From there the evening dragged on and on… A long gap after the run with food in the dark, before a long circle. I think I will struggle to stand up tomorrow, but because of standing through the circle rather than exertion on the run.

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28th July – CH4 – HRA & Chuck Wao

Posted on July 29, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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The outstation to Pai! CW & HRA had teamed up, apparently with Shagless as well for a run in Pai, and a couple of car loads made our way up to see what they had put together. We arrived with a small amount of time before setting off, and I was feeling distinctly unwell. I should not eat that soon before a run. We set off around a lake, and I was walking. Lucky me, it was Scooby Do that ran into the first false trail, and we scattered looking everywhere but the obvious way – finally ABB called us on, and we nearly completed a whole lap of the lake.

Another check, and the hares were watching us, we tried several routes up the hill, but again it was ABB that found paper, and everyone but Scooby ran back down and followed the trail to another of Pai’s tourist attractions – the “Land Split”, complete with “Dancing Trees”. Not sure what that was about, but when we got up to the road, Scooby had already been checking. It was to the left, and I was still mostly walking, a little jog every now and then, while Scooby charged off into the distance ahead.

I joined TMB & Piggy as we followed, noting at each check the silence from ahead, but the sight of a bright T-shirt running away. We followed – a great trail, had I been feeling better I would have been running harder, but finally Scooby got something wrong, and I’d already spotted the paper off to the right that took us up the hill to the Beer Stop. We’d seen that paper on the way to the runsite, but you never can tell if it is a decoy or not. The hares were waiting, and smiling.

I milled around at the beerstop for a bit waiting while hashers checked the more obvious routes, and then set off to find trail – I did, but promptly got the next one wrong and was left well behind. Lucky for me, from here the checks were good. Get one right and I was at the front, get one wrong and I was way behind – this pack was stuck together. I got one wrong, but looped around, and picked up trail ahead again, only to run into a false trail, and spend a bunch of time checking everywhere but the right way. Again I was punished to the back, but had a good idea where we were now, and with new paper on the road, I figured it was straight On-In. One final circle check, and the rest of the pack thought there would be a sting in the tail.

Very nice run, on some great trails.

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23rd July – CSH3 – Does Nothing

Posted on July 23, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Behind the Ag Center – convenient from my office, until they put bloody student games on, and the roads were blocked solid. Damnit – I got there in time to unload beer, get changed, and listen to the hare brief.

We set off, along a familiar direction. An early circle check, and I left CW explaining how checks work to the visitors while I correctly guessed the right way. Around the corner and another check straight away. This time the paper was very close, and confusingly somewhat led us up a scramble, where the hare had clearly scouted thoroughly to find the most prickly trees to go past – the nicer route up was avoided.

I got another few checks right and things were going well as we headed up the hill. Uphill, ack… of course CW would catch me sooner or later, but seemed like we had a bit of a gap as there was a longish stretch without checks. Finally a circle check, and while CW went up, I headed down – always a risk, always best to protect the higher ground. Nonetheless, I headed down, and it didn’t look promising. The trail divided, and on my 3rd attempt I got it, but it seemed I was the only one checking down the hill. 100% record so far, but of course another check. My first instinct was to turn right and go down again, but that was too soon? surely? So I went straight and found nothing.

Back to the circle and CW called it from down the hill where I should have checked. All of a sudden I was in a traffic jam. A tiny trail with Square Rooter leading the way. All forms of politeness were used, and some less polite, but it was as though he was oblivious to his environment! Aaaargh! I’d been running well, and bam! The inevitable check by the waterfall, and from there I picked the main trail back, and popped out just in front of ABB. He seemed confused, but it seemed like a lot of the pack were already back and tucking into so special Carlsberg. Nice run!

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11th July – CH3 – BMY

Posted on July 12, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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And so to Doi Saket. Cats and dogs for much of the day so this hasher was looking forward to some mucky soup to run in. Would he be disappointed? No time to linger before the off today and the shifty looking hare was spare in his brief and sent us off quickly to wallow in the “terrible gleaming mudcunt of mother” Thailand.

I can’t remember much about the early part of the run but paper arrived quickly and the dirt roads felt just right. What’s the ground speed velocity of an unladen chaparral cock? Pretty fast I think and roughly what Kwazi Moto was doing early on. Getting checks right and speeding along took him way ahead of the pack as far as the rice fields. Now, I remember someone somewhere, probably today’s hare, said that rice fields were out of bounds, but not today apparently and on on. Across a well-manicured lawn with water buffalo and a screaming peacock. And past a genial buffer pottering about unconcerned with a pack of hashers disturbing his peace and quiet. Even with one leg calf-deep in the mire Square Rooter took time to comment on the pastoral beauty. Boy, Doi Saket is real pretty after the rain.

Anyhow, after reeling in Kwazi I found myself slightly ahead of ABB and Pigshit and pressed on alone at a fair old clip. Then promptly got the next two checks wrong. The pack was together again. Up a gentle incline and along some Tarmac following Sloppy Rod only to see the hare kerbcrawling towards us. Did he think we were lost, or what? Further up the pack was together again. “Whaddyaagot…?! bellowed an impatient Kwazi to Sloppy, interfering with his sterling yet wrong work of checking.

Was crossing the road next? I was ahead at this circle check and chose right, and wrong as it happened, going at least 300 meters so convinced was I that this was the direction home. Futile. In fact the A bucket was in the opposite direction. From some distance I could see the hare in his truck and one Square Rooter slipping away from said truck on up to the moo ban. Of course I continued straight only to meet ABB coming back. That’s me buggered then. Third time lucky and up the slope we go.

At the top Rooter came across a sheaf of white paper strips on the ground. What to make of this? Could be some cunning stunt on the part of the hare. Rooter directed me on a wild goose chase and when I was a good distance on this chase he called On! On! And then I heard at least one more On! called from another direction. Bone Smoker got it. We were on our way. Very pleasing trails from there on in. With just enough barking canines to give Kwazi the willies!

Was the trail too mushy for this hasher? Naa, just about right. A thoughtful set that kept wimps and runners together for the duration. And what with no freaking never ending hill climbs I’m probably not alone in thinking we might have enjoyed a further couple of K of the same. NIce work.

(Courtesy Cuckold)

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7th July – CH4 – Pigshit

Posted on July 7, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Piggy teamed with Crap Thai from the football field – the canal road football field. He promised virgin trails – really from the football field? I don’t think he understands what virgin means – he’s confusing the word with ‘slut’. These were trails that have had more hashers going through them than half of Loi Kroh! Seriously though, it was a different combination, and it was a well marked run.

We set off across the road, and I set off well – getting the first few checks right, I pushed on, with the odd call from behind. I nailed a few more checks, and things were going well for me! After 2-3km I hadn’t gone wrong and emerged at a familiar mud road, with choices galore. Mostly I wanted to turn right, but the hare brief had said the wimp trail would be straight back down the road, and I didn’t think he would go back to the road just yet. So I tried every other direction, until Cuckold called us on straight towards the road. The wimps would have had a dull trek back down the road from there. Crap Thai didn’t give me the option – guarding the road like a bouncer he pointed me towards the rambo…

Here there was a long stretch without checks, and having busted a gut on the first section, I was feeling it. I should pace myself better, but then again, I wasn’t expecting this much! Finally a false trail caught out HRA, and there was a group of us together – but the trail turned devilishly upwards, and there was yet another hill… except this was more of a mountain than a hill. Part way up, I took a moment to myself to contemplate if I really did want to go up, when there was a much easier way back. The other FRBs pushed on, I steadied myself, caught my breath and started the ascent – I know where it goes, and it wasn’t really going in the direction that I knew there was some nice cold beer…

Anyway, I climbed up, the trail turned right, back down and then back up again. There were few checks, but not enough to let me cruise for a while, and I lost the front runners, never to get back into it. We joined the trail HRA brought us back on on Saturday, and finally started descending. There was a point on Saturday, when I wondered why HRA didn’t put a check back, and today the trail just continued down, to the fucking false trail! Nice one Piggy, but the FRBs had already been through and every group after would have to find the false trail again – except for ABB, who chose that moment to catch me up and pass me!

Passing a few good junctions the trail went straight on, following the same route back that HRA used. I walked & jogged, dreaming of the end. As we emerged from the jungle, another false trail with ABB & Mind the Gap confused. Of course he would follow HRA’s route back, and sure enough there was paper. It seems the other FRBs had simply given up and forced their way through the shiggy to get in, but I led the true FRBs in past the On-In and finally to the beer. A long, tough one!

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2nd July – CSH3 – HRA

Posted on July 2, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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There are a few hares in history who are well remembered for losing hashers on trail… for hashers coming in in the dark as the circle ended… We don’t need to name names, but some of us have feared for our lives being left on trail in the dark. HRA is the latest to join that distinct haring club!

There was rain all day, it was miserable… As beer monster I had a duty to deliver beer to the medium sized group that braced the elements. HRA was nervous – something in his demeanour was even more concerned than usual – we even saw him several times out on trail, when any normal hare would have been snuggled in the shelter with a beer. The hare brief wasn’t brief – multiple Wimp trails… unmarked but for an arrow (an arrow that could have said “Save yourselves!!!”). When he finally pointed out the direction, even then it took us a while to find trail. Finally Obscene and I could call and set off away from the hills to a junction where surely there should have been a check, and perhaps pre rain there might have been, but there definitely wasn’t anymore. We found trail and continued into shiggy covered rice fields.

The side effect of rain is mud, and this was heavy going. The soles of everyone’s shoes gained 3 inches. Slogging along on the flat trails away from the mountains, we headed into shanty town. It had grown a lot since the last time we ran through (the AGFU)… Ah yes the AGFU, when we ran many of the same trails, when they were dry, and didn’t involve slip sliding around. We got to what looks like a wet moobaan development, and a circle had the pack spread out to the left. To the right I saw the hare, and headed towards him and trail. While most of the pack followed, Turkish short cut his way to the lead, and took advantage of the torrential rain to not bother calling. It was a clusterfuck. I couldn’t see without my glasses, hardly anyone could hear even if we were calling, and the paper to mark the trail was soggy anyway. What the fuck are we doing?

Of course it wouldn’t take long before Turkey fucked up. But then there was a check that fucked everyone up. Mostly as it was in a moobaan and the rain was so loud nobody could hear anything. HRA was on his bike like a sheep dog rounding us up and shepherding us in the right direction. Having lost ground there I took some time to catch up with Pigshit (who was “walking” today – wtf?), Shagless, ABB, Toe Sucker, Sex Pistol, Obscene… A bit of a meander and finally Sloppy was in sight, leading the way, and enjoying having first choice at a check on the road that surely took us home. He slow danced his way towards the A, insisting that I checked the “dummy run”… Well Fuck You Sloppy! You got it wrong!

We turned away from the A and headed for the hills… 5-6km in and now we were hitting the hills? What was HRA thinking? I second guessed a False Trail, and led the way up the hill. From there many checks were straight on back towards the A. For a while CW was getting 2nd choice on the checks, but refusing to see an alternative way… Finally he caught up, and when he picked it, he was off and home sailing all the way down and home. A LONG 9km run. The circle was mostly missing the hare, who was riding his bike around looking for hashers, and Sups, who was driving his car in search of Superbitch (what a husband!). Finally as the circle closed Superbitch, Anything and Bubble Head came in – at least Bubble Head had a smile on his face. I guess he was smiling that HRA just joined his Dad’s club!

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25th June – CSH3 – Sloppy Rod

Posted on June 25, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Too bad Sloppy Rod was sick… Full credit to the guy for phoning CW Friday night to say he might need a hand, and then still getting out there to leave us a trail, even though he missed out on the beers. Clearly it had been well scouted too.

The runsite was used back around the male hash 1000 run, when Skiddy stole it from the 1000 hares. I had some memory of some of the trails near there, but Sloppy took us a completely different way, so most of the run was new to me. We set off over the dam wall, and I was the only one inclined to run early on, and was alone at the first check. I picked up the hill, expecting us to turn right and head down into the valley. I nearly gave up, but picked one more tree to get to, and there was the paper. Was that only 100m?

I pressed on, up and over the hill, to another circle. What a strange place? Was it back to the ridge? Did we need to go up over the hill? It looks like a big hill, but maybe? The circle was on one trail, while another was clearly visible just below. I guess I’ll try that one then. Wrong… Damnit! I got back and tracked down to another circle. Cuckold had got there first and charged off straight, a visitor had gone down to the left, so Piggy & I headed up hill to the right. I was still thinking we would go back to the right, and not around the lake. Apparently the visitor was scared of spiders, so didn’t really check down to the left, which explains why Piggy & I were so far off course checking up the hill.

When we rejoined trail we had to negotiate our way past the walkers, with Obscene being the most determined – determined to let us witness him being stung by nettles! I could see the pack stretching out ahead and it was clear we were heading around the lake. Finally a circle check, and it was called after we’d all past it in the same direction – Piggy went back to lay trail correctly. A group reformed as we got to the W/R split. The W did look appealing, but it would just be back around the lake, so I joined the Rambos as we set off away from the A. A great check.

We spread out up the hill. Turkish had gone straight on the trail, and there were suggestions that he had just fucked off and not called. Finally it was called along a nice little trail that wasn’t spotted for sometime. Meh! When it was called I was well up a scramble up the side of a hill, and there was no quick way back down. I got back on trail, well behind, and decided to settle into conservative mode. ABB just behind me, and as we went through another check Cuckold ran past, up the hill…. in the wrong direction… with HRA… Did they correct the trail they laid? Nope… I continued trudging, waiting to see what happened up front.

Finally we got to a circle check on a ridgeline, where there was an unappealing trail leading back down to the left. It was unappealing, it didn’t look quite right, and for exactly that reason it was my first choice. Turkish could have picked it, but he preferred to bide his time standing at the circle. Lazy fucker! It was that stage of the run, where we knew the route back was coming soon, and he didn’t want to gamble on the wrong way down the hill. I admit I wasn’t quick to check, and I wasn’t quick to call, when I did I felt more energy and started running.

Another check – go with the gut, and set off to the right, sure enough there was paper. A few obstacles to pass, and behind me was Turkish & Piggy. The trail dropped down onto a larger trail, and there was TipToe and Motorboat. We were close to home. I had to keep pushing. The trail turned a corner, and went up hill… again? Argh! This was one hill I was going to run up, and as I crested the hill I turned back and saw Turkish & Piggy someway behind, and a mass of paper ahead. I nearly called OnIn, until I realised it was another circle that had already been kicked out. We weren’t far, surely there wouldn’t be a sting in the tail? Fortunately there wasn’t, and I follow Shagless in, as he came off the W trail.

The Malaysian visitors set off very late, and briefly popped in for a mention at the start of the circle before heading off to other engagements.

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23rd June – CH4 – Anything

Posted on June 23, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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When Anything teams up with Chilly Pussy we never know what to expect – fortunately it is mushroom season, so they may have cut the run shorter to gather more mushrooms! We set off and my inhaler had no puff, so I would have to be careful about my asthma – damnit! Second check and there were 2 parallel trails, at least I thought they were parallel, and got to learn the hard way that they weren’t – CW got the right trail, I took the left, and wrong one. I could easily have cut across to join him, but was confident my lovely trail met his just around the corner. I was wrong. Horribly wrong.

Finally I managed to cut back across and found trail at the back with Cougar, Doesn’t Get It and Bobble Head. Having gone up the wrong hill, I then had to work my way up another hill. There was Toe Jam going the wrong way. I slowly picked off runners by sticking on the nice trail, that was 10m to the left of the scramble the hares had marked. Past Tiptoe, who was mixing it with the ladies… There was Obscene, and Cumalot… And then Kwazi, Shagless & Does Nothing. I kept it steady, but slowly reeled people in.

And then when the trail finally broke left there was 2.5km without checks to get back. I had a glimpse of ABB & Motorboat ahead and later Barbindoll, but was forced to take it steady to control my breathing. Damnit – these are great running trails, I just want to run! Even Kwazi started to close me down towards the end, but I wasn’t going to allow that humiliation! Nice set from a kind and gentle Anything!

Fly By

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18th June – CSH3 – Shagless

Posted on June 18, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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It is always very appreciated when the hares go out of their way to put on something special. Given the run directions I kinda thought the hares would do something special, but the directions read along the lines of “drive to the end of the earth, and then turn right and drive another 8km. There were encouraging hash signs pointing forwards to encourage us onwards into outstation territory – apparently there was no accommodation, and we would have to drive back!

The hare brief was one of the more elaborate I’ve witnessed. The hares role playing how we should act on trail, and giving clues to how confusing their run would be. So… There is a wimp rambo. The wimps would do a B->A, and the rambos and A->A. At some point in his dreams Shagless came up with this idea that wimps and rambos would meet on trail, but they should go in opposite directions. Wimps should follow pink, rambos follow white, and at no point should anyone get confused. I’m coming to the end of the 2nd paragraph and we haven’t set out on the run yet!

We were set off and Shit House pulled a Belly Dancer – sprinting to the first check only to get it wrong. The trail cut up a small hill to the road. Arriving with Piggy & CW, they didn’t want to check anywhere apart from where I went, and sure enough we were all right. A V check – in a completely unknown area, I had no advantage, I gambled wrong, and CW and I were then making our way back through the pack. Did I mention yet that I felt like shit – recovering from both a potentially deadly case of Man-Flu, and a hangover had me in a remarkably shabby state.

Looking at my GPS track afterwards, this run is really genius – really impressed with the hares for finding the trails in a completely new area. Catching up from checking the wrong way, we were heading up a hill, and up ahead Piggy was very confused. Maybe he didn’t hear the hare brief? He was talking about pink paper, and worried he was on the wimp trail. Nobody saw the check and it took a while before Turkish did the OnOn call. We went through a couple of checks – of course they weren’t obvious – we had no idea where we were, or where we were going. At some point I got to a check ahead with Cuckold, and there was Motorboat coming towards us…

Setting a trail where the walkers go the opposite direction to the runners along the same trail just sounds like a bad idea! Or is it a good idea? It is an idea for sure… WTF? It worked… We got to say hello… We got to cling to the side of the hill while Tiptoe charged towards us, and we got to dodge Chilly Pussy with her mushroom collecting team. Very different midpoint to the run, and then we were off again.

A great check where nobody spotted the 3rd trail option, and suddenly ABB was leading the way back down the hill. I was feeling worse and worse. I was mostly walking, trying to keep pace with those doing the checks. Fortunately I managed to get to the “obstacle” in the first batch. The hares had arranged a raft to take us across the fast flowing river with escorts swimming us across. I took a moment to crash on the raft. It didn’t make me feel better. So I let the runners take off along the other side of the river. Some how the checks held up the pack, although the raft ride did separate groups along the trail. I confess I may have put paper slightly wrong off a check, but it wasn’t much. We negotiated another creek crossing, and back across the bridge to the A.

Really good run, a really good circle, and a really good OnOnOn. Cuckold estimated 6-8 paragraphs for a write up. How long is a piece of string?

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