Tag Archives: Alice

5th August – CH4 – Alice (with Frozen Dick)

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Rating: 10.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Apologies readers for the tardiness of my write up – it has been suggested that I am too ashamed to confess my endeavours on the run, but that isn’t the reason for delay! Anyway, my status as the World’s most Intelligent hasher, was ripped from my shoulders by Dogshit and Frozen Dick, while Square Rooter listed it as the stupidest short cut in hash history – while he pulled up a ringside seat!

Lets begin at the start – being joined in the car for the ride by Itchy Bitchy and Fish and Tits… After picking them up, I was treated to a constant barrage of conversation. As Fish & Tits only showers once a month they then started exchanging deodrants and I was quickly overcome by noxious fumes. I stopped for gas, and as soon as I paused the two ladies dived out and charged to the store to buy snacks, Mama, ice-cream and more. The runsite was probably closer to Chiang Rai than Chiang Mai, so it was a relief to finally arrive and give my ears a break! 😉 A really nice runsite, but a bit far out of town…

The out-trail was a gentle down hill trail, where I could really open up and stretch my legs. In no time I was off the front, only to turn a corner and run straight past some skiddy sticks. Heading back, through confused hashers, I found the true trail some way back down the path. HRA had meanwhile charged off in the wrong direction laughing to himself about my folly. The next circle was straight on, so me and Chuckie cruised away from the pack, until we were hit by another set of blasted Skiddy Sticks – “MOTHER FUCKER!”. Still my luck was holding and it was me that found the true trail there and for the next couple of circles… Until we got to the lake.

The trail had been great, we were gently arcing around to the left and we hit a lake with the trail running alongside it. I’d stopped thinking about potential false trails, as CW was gossiping away in my ear about the state of the economy, his latest exploits, or some such story. A circle check on the side of the lake, and it was my ‘duty’ to check straight on. Which I did, making my way around the bank of the lake – scrambling down a bank and climbing around marshes – only for the trail to be called behind me, back across the other side of the lake. DAMN you blasted hares. At this point, should I go back, or I could go on around the lake? As the trail was ‘SURE’ to continue arcing left, I decided to go on around the lake and gradually found myself getting into marshier terrain until eventually it was impassable without swimming. DS & SR shouted abuse at me, and I eventually had to turn back and sheepishly make my way back to the A site.

Lovely trail – you assholes!

4th August – CSH3 – His Royal Anus

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

One of hashs best kept secrets, HRA didn’t want anyone to know where the run was – he was even out laying trail before he got someone to send a message where it was – was he so ashamed of his run? I guess we would soon find out and we were pointed off in the general direction of the temple steps (near the football field towards Sameong). Ominous, but HRA has a habit of giving information away without intending to give information away – so I was confident of not needing to climb the steps.

Sure enough I ran into paper along the road and diverted onto the trail up the hill. I was in Forrest Gump mode, and felt like running – up the mountain which put me ahead of the pack. I spied a little trail down to the left, and a circle up ahead, and I was on hash fire – hitting everything. I called, behind, but not sure if anyone could hear even now.

Hopped over a little wall, and followed paper down a road that seemed to loop in a circle. A gate to the left and a familiar car parked through it with Hollow Legs emerging with Nutcracker… Hmmm… I could see the paper leading off in a circle ahead, but there were surely Skiddy Sticks over there, so I clambered over the gate and was back on the trail as we again headed up the hill. No sounds behind, just running, and nailing a few more checks. I tried calling and with hindsight, I screwed the trail to some extent with the pack cutting across a valley following my calls someway ahead.

A loop up and down, and finally the hares thwarted my perfect hash – Damn those Skiddy Sticks!!! Still I replaced them appropriately, and continued on with no sounds from behind beyond the echoes of my On-On calls. My luck had changed though and at the next check I wasted time checking up a nice looking trail to the left… Back down and I found the trail straight on, with the first sounds from behind as Alice closed me down.

Another check, and could I out think those hares? Damnit!!! Alice slipped past me as I came running back into the mix. Having been lonely all run, I tried to chase him down to have someone to chat to, but he accelerated and left me behind – across the rice fields and to the On-In…. An On-In which hadn’t yet been placed, so Alice did an extra couple of clicks on the out trail – justice was served – my beer was cold as Sups had got there on time to help us chill the beer!

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30th July 2012 – CH3 – Superman

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

A lovely evening, a keen pack of over a dozen hounds, scenic hills and open forest, idyllic trails….what could go wrong? Amost everything!

And it all started so well. Away we sauntered, skipping like lambkins up the forest path to the first circle in the perfect place. Trails ahead, back right, to the sides. Off eveyone went, full of good spirit, hither and thither, thither and hither, and soon we were doubling over everyone else’s trails and checking up to 300m and dropping into gullies. Where was the fcuking paper? Eventually Horned Moonbeam decided we should all head back to A site and question the hare!

The circle was kicked out backwards and On On yelled, much to Kwazi’s disbelief and annoyance. Back down the hill we went to find a disconsolate hare. Grumbledick grumbled the most and Sups gave out the direction of his on on paper. Beers were opened but Alice, Ryan aka Forest (appropriate) and GD headed straight back up to rejoin our trail and return to the offending circle in question. Even with Sups instructions it took 5 minutes to find paper at a tad over a 100m strewn off a small trail in the bush. Frozen was still up there and we doubted he’d find it! It wasn’t easy to find. Needles in haystacks. Rational women. Blue Moons. Hardworking Scousers. Virgins in Pattaya etc. You get the drift.

We ran off on neat piles of shredded paper and managed to follow all of Sups well laid trail thru the forest, down the gravel road behind the Night Safari, up into a small settlement, down thru some outhouses and then along darkening forest trails up and over ridges and spurs and back to the On iN before dusk completely fell. It was well worth the effort because Sups lays a good run, but a bit stressful with only three guys checking everything and racing the onset of the powers of darkness. But enough of the Burrito Butt.

The circle was a bit fraught at times. Sups poetically described the pack as “p*ss weak cnuts” and then increased the syllable count to “p*ssy wh*pped cnuts”. A few good splashes were doled out and some also rans. Visitor Ryan aka Forest was welcomed to the group. A married missionary working with CNX churches setting up HIV/Aids programs, he had been been in Malawi (former British Nyasaland)in Southern Africa for ten years. All the crap quasi religious half quotes and jokes we could muster were aimed in his general direction and I think he realised by the end, as Square Rooter said, “There is fertile ground for you here Ryan, there are plenty of sinners and souls to save!” Amen to that.

ONON you bastards.
A Lice

28th July – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

As time passes, there is a tendency to forget past haring mistakes, but as I traveled to the run site my mind was awash with fear. I encouraged fellow hashers to come along, lets hope they would and I was encouraged that Big Top had stepped up as co-hare – surely she could control him?

Turkish made his latest erection, and gradually the parking area filled with hashers – each discussing bad experiences they’d had on TD’s runs in the past – and each talking about different runs. Big Top was delegated to give the hare brief – where she explained about the Wimp / Rambo split, and without saying it directly, she encouraged us to take the Wimp option – turns out she meant to say “Don’t do the Rambo, it’s shit!”.

Nonetheless, we set off charging through fields (without permission), towards the base of the inevitable ascent. I screwed up the first circle and rejoined the FRBs at the 2nd circle, and started checking up the hill – sure enough a bit over 100m, I spotted some paper, and gave the customary “On! On!” – just at the same time the rest of the pack were directed by Turkish in the opposite direction – the hare himself being an FRB on his own run. What to do? I was joined by Alice, Frozen Dick and Unplugged for a discussion on the side of a rocky mountain. We divided with Unplugged and I scrambling up the trail in reverse. It wasn’t much fun – rocks, trees, wasps, boulders, stones, bees, spiders, shiggy, certainly no opportunity to run.

Eventually we ran into Chuck Wao and HRA, who suggested the other half of the rambo trail was probably even worse, and persuaded us to turn back and face the rocks, spiders, bees etc. again. Finally we emerged into a field and the last 500m or so was great. The beers started flowing. The wimps returned lauding what a nice run they’d had, while none of the FRBs had anything pleasant to say. The circle started, and finally Dog Shit returned, and then later Frozen Dick.

At least the food was good! 😀