Category Archives: CH3 – Write Ups

If it ain’t broke don’t fix it goes the adage. Well, Mr Poo paid tribute to an Alice set for the second time, mirroring his run to within 95% accuracy and the same way around.

This time he had a surprise up his sleeve, a la Cumalot on Sat. Lay the trail very close to HRA’s trail from exactly the same A and lay it also in powder. Stand back and enjoy the inevitable, especially as his most tricky check was adjacent to HRA trail and the markings were still visible.

The only thing to be said in the hare’s defence is that he did say No False Trails at the hare brief. Of course his tricky check not only was close to HRA powder but an HRA FT too so the poor innocents were well and truly stuffed for Xmas.

A decent sized pack in festive mood finally gathered at the new A site which wasn’t the footy field as per email. Pooying joined us, the the long well sculptured legs of Horny’s visitor didn’t go unnoticed. US tennis coach and mum to two good little running lads, she like the rest of the family, wore little bells on her feet just in case one didn’t notice those long, slim, athletic legs going up to a very pert little athletic bum. Would I run behind her all the way in paroxysms of ecstasy? Not if those fcuking bells had anything to do with it.

Off we went towards the snakehead Buddha then left into the open area and right towards the hills. A circle was called as the paths headed up.

At back of pack I took my chance and checked up a steep but doable ramp about 80m shy of the check. After 20m powder! Geddin Alice!

My Onon calls were overshadowed by bellowing below. Are you! Checking! Funny to see the pack milling around 30m below me ignoring my calls. Up past the temple and into the woods. I was hiking and jogging in parts. A couple of checks were nailed. No one had caught me but a 3 way
circle allowed a couple of FRBs to find paper on the lower left as I took far right. Gorf passed me here and luckily the trails merged anyway.

We followed a lovely winding path that rose up the spur, dappled light, trees all around, gentle incline, not too many rocks. Hashing at its best – especially as I suspected Poo hadn’t strayed too far from my template on his Strava.

At various checks there were Xmas songs to sing and various forfeits for FRBs. Anal Vice had stapled Xmas presi vouchers along the way too. It was truly the spirit of Christmas but in a tropical forest in UK summer temps!

Browny, Suckit, Anal and a few other charged past on the long downward trail to the next valley. Long legs’ hubby Wes passed me jingling his bell without stopping for the mistletoe kiss check. TFfT!

At the t as we hit the valley Tasty, Scooby and a few others went right. Toilet Dog’s antics confusing them. Plodding left of course, I found powder and ran the long valley path all the way out to the orchard and Poo’s killer check.

I told Piggy it was probably thru the barbed wire fence as per last set. Runners came back that way but I knew it was worth heading that way. Powder, then nothing. The FRBs were confused, circling. I strode on like a demented wise man following his personal Xmas star. No powder. A FT or circle call from the right. Shouting. More confusion. I kept on and was back on powder, despite Toilet Dog yelling Old Powder when it was obviously not.

Back up towards the forest, thru the deep trench and up behind the properties. Stick with me young man, I’ll see you home safe says Alice in best Jimmy Savile style.

Toilet Dog scampered off in his bambino feet and Browny made encouraging remarks as he passed me with 500m to go.
After our little group came in there was a long gap before Graven, Angry and most of the pack came in from the wrong direction having hit the road in frustration by Tin Tin and run in on tarmac.

Fun circle, enlivened by Robin Banks singing and snogging TMB neighbour’s daughter in re-enactment of the mistletoe check. Worked for him I guess✅❤️
Lovely OnOnOn chez Poo and KO. Thanks for hosting and to the ladies who catered a superb spread. Tip top effort girls.

So it was Brownie down the end of Canal Rd in the forests behind Suckit’s place. What could possibly go wrong? Answer: nothing!
It was as good as I expected and Brownie has a real feel for them that hills and trails. Trouble was I had a feel for my latte in Buff Cafe so my mind drifted and suddenly it was 4:15. Shiite on a stick!
Surviving some near death driving, I hove to in a lather a few minutes after the pack had departed, as Sheepy ambled off round the corner in his luminescent lime leggings. Oh, shut that door!
A quick hello to BF and Sloppy who shot off, I set my own pace content to enjoy the trial with or without company.
After ten mins I heard OnOn to my right front. Paper led left so I considered a Turkey short cut right to cut out a loop and catch up but I was in the mood to jog 6 km and wanted to see what the hare had created.
Trail was well marked in Graven arsecrack paper and circles were properly kicked out, please note ABB. Complete or half strips led away from the check to link the trail and I wished ABB could watch and learn.
Shortly I came upon iHop, whose sole purpose seems to be to provide irrefutable proof that Goat did once have sex with a human female. The guy is son of Goat incarnate. IHop daintily jumped right as I passed which is more than TipToe did. DoesNothing was next to be passed and then it was a long solo stretch on beautiful paths, some stony, some sandy, a few trips and semi stumbles but the good ship Alice continued apace.
Suddenly the tall figure of Pussy Whisperer appeared and stopped mid path. He fumbled infront of himself. I say, I know guys pee ‘on trail’ but not ON the actual fcuking path. Without warning his right elbow appeared and he commenced a sawing motion for a minute. I kept shtum in my shock and then the red hanky came out. Once he was done with whatever he was doing, I yelled OnOn and passed minding where I set foot.
As we came out of the forest towards properties, I saw the usual collection of shambling excuses on their way back. Robin Banks was actually running at one point, Horny Monkey was back on trail, yay, and Superman appeared as is his wont.
Paper led thru a long, flat orchard. I caught SheepShagger at the end of it and jogged on towards some other figures. Amusingly about half a dozen of the leaders went wrong quite close to home, Gravy, Piggie, Sondra etc and I spied them returning to true trail and heading right. How so many went wrong at once was a mystery but never overestimate hashers.
Back at the A the hare nervously headed off on his bike as dusk approached to go hunt down iHop who hadn’t appeared. I think he regretted it, as the larger than life Tar Heel was 2 km behind Tiptoe, in the forest, taking selfies as darkness fell. Darwin Award nominee. Seconded.
The circle was a bit long and became a Graven & Superman love fest. Get a motel next time lads.
Super set and a good group of guys. Sondra was named Norwegian Wood, I mean Mr Potato Head, and admitted enjoying his 2 weeks in CM.
Coon Alit

Canal Rd footy field, plenty of great trails around there and plenty of old paper too, writes Alice. What would Poo do?
Well he messed us around on the footy side for the first part and as we came to the road some FRB yelled OnOn going up right and the pack followed towards the call but soon questioned lack of paper.
Continuing along the trail I found paper to the road and expected a circle or a switchback up towards the calls. Instead paper ran down the road to my left and across the bottom of the snakehead temple. Circle check. Mmm, the hare had appeared with powder in hand and smiling. Something was up!
Checking down to the left of the Wat approach I was sure I’d messed up but not for the last time today I was spot on. I did relieve myself in a bush without calling until the lizard was truly drained. This was duly noted by Chacky and regurgitated in the circle.
On trail again I came to another circle at the end of the flat ravine bottom.. The doi rose ahead and sideways. Likely trails left and a steep unknown one to the right. I chose right for bloody mindedness sake and it was steep. I was certain Poo hadn’t been up here and there was no sign of paper. Expecting the on call from way across left with a deep ravine to cross, I broke the tree line to check where I actually was. Blow me, behind the snakehead temple and there was paper ahead! I called and shook a leg.
That was the last most buggers saw of me as I put my best foot forward up into the doi and followed my own trail of a few weeks ago for the next 4 km more or less. At every check there was the chance Poo would change things, but he didn’t until a Km from the end. Right at the next circle, across the trail bike path, intersecting the ridge path and down to the valley. Here Poo could have gone right and around the south side but trail thankfully went left and so did I.
I was calling circle checks, on ons and occasionally heard shouts about 250m behind I guessed. My shirt was drenched and uncomfortable. I started feeling like the mist was descending. Would I do a Byte My Yahoo?
Poo went left at a junction where my path was right through forest but coming out of the familiar valley, he saved his best and sneakiest check. Running down towards my A bucket near Tin Tin, a circle check surprised me. I was sure it must be a False Trail but Poo hadn’t mentioned those. I reckoned he’d gone down and across the road and used HRA trails on the east side. Just before heading that way, I checked the path behind me and found an opening into tall grass. It wasn’t promising at all and shouts came from back on trail. Here my bid for glory was going to end. A blue pipe in the hugely overgrown property, let’s make sure….bollocks it was a blue pipe – but 10m on and low down was paper!
With energy renewed I managed to follow Poo’s winding trail in good time though familiar and a few unexpected ways.
Another switchback check and I was in the soft deep leaf gulley. Pushing on, I was on my own back to the A, voices fading behind well me. A last attempt to derail the Alice Express above the cockfight place. A circle to my right.. Was it down through the trees and the path along the big flooded quarry?
I thought about looking there for a moment, then pushed on straight and in my light headed state was chuffed to see those short, white paper strips.
Turning into the red gravel area there was a welcoming huge flour oN In and arrows. Poo looked carefully as I strode in then bemusement followed as minutes passed and no Chacky or Turkey or Piggy or Sheepy. After 5 minutes Pigshite ran in and Shrek appeared where others were expected. Turkey came home from his usual wrong direction and Sheepy was way later. That switchback check towards Tin Tin has done some sterling work and buggered the pack hollow.
Fine set from Poo, welcome home Angry and welcome again to Joel. Kai and Frozen brought up the rear and fielded raucous suggestions as to what they’d been doing with each other’s rears!
OnOn,
Alice

By Alice
—
Funny how some people think how others think, or think they know what others know.
Sheep Shagger set solo from the crem out back of the Samoeng Rd footy field and was pretty sure everyone knows where it is because he laid a trail there months ago.
Well the first three arrivals all missed turns or weren’t sure, mostly because the HHH weren’t ready when we arrived. TipToe careering past towards Samoeng as our hare
struggled to secure his sign while standing in front of it!
Today was auspicious. The Kwaz’s last Male hash run until he returns. Years he reckons. 6 months according to Mystic Frozen Dick.
The A has a belter of a shelter but weather was fair and off we were sent. Checks had sheep images but not always circles-and False Trails had sheep but no bars anywhere “and they’re obvious when you get there” according to the hare. Both had yellow paper to use. Clusterfcuk ahead methoughtat the brief. And yes, clusterfuck broke out
at the first of each as none of the FRBs could be certain what they were dealing with.
Eventually we traipsed up through an orchard on a little path as we headed upwards. After 2 strips, nothing. The farmer told Shrek he’d not touched any paper. He’d probably tell him his relations with animals are natural. Lying road had stripped probably 200m plus and we were fcuked again.
Luckily we could see paper high on a quarry wall top track. We headed in that direction after coming across a FT from the wrong way, then a circle in close order. Portents not good and receding.
Luckily things went far better from here on in. We jogged the high quarry trail and the circle at the end was straight on. Left and we were too soon back.
Nice running tracks were enjoyed all the way to a broken area that turned into forest. The pack had spread. I was with Kai then caught Pigshit and a couple of others.
Forest was thick enough but well marked. Out we came and right to a circle that had been dealt with but not clearly.
Here Sheepy linked various trails that I recognized from Shagless or Blows Herself sets. I was feeling ok and suddenly we were at a circle with the emerald rice vista ahead. The Turk was yompibg thru the field. A couple of others were making progress tight to the field’s edge. No surprise that I found paper on the extremity. Turkish knows the area so was taking the line of least variance as the mathematicians call it. Shortcuttingbastardoffpaper is the layman’s term.
We were not far out now and traipsing along a narrow dyke on the canal side of the beautiful field. The sun was low and the green was mesmerizing. I jogged past Cecile B deShrek and promptly tumbled as I stepped down a hole.
Soon we heard shouting ahead. ChuckWao and Poo had crossed the bridge and were checking on the tarmac beyond. On was called then cancelled. We all looked back over the west side, then everyone piled back over the bridge. The Turk had vanished.
On a whim I checked into the paddy again. After 60m a sneaky little white square low down and another and another! On on!
I jogged steadily on the dykes and jumped across to a concrete road then back onto grass and there was Sheep Shagger at the back entrance to the A!
Only Kwaz was back having headed up the hill right where
we’d lost paper and done his own thing off paper from thence.
Mid pack and walkers came in ahead of CW and Midder Poo, who’d taken another (peed off) farmer’s advice. Finally the Turk from the wrong direction and on road!
Kwazi was toasted in the circle and a few bog seats, cocks, silly hats were awarded to miscreants.
OnOnOn was a beef buffet at Eurodiner, many thanks to the hare for sponsoring and the GM and staff for hosting. Aroy mak mak.
Alice
Ps thoughts and prayers for Florida residents and property owners.

By Alice
—
We were running from Frozen’s investment property. It’s HIS area. He KNOWS all the trails. Yup, there’s only one certainty when all those factors are weighed up….Frozen will get lost and fcuk himself. Bingo! It happened yet again!
Frozen was pretty bushed pre run and explained he’d done 15km trying to set just the second half of the run. And got totally lost. And it was hot. And he didn’t have his GPS as he’d lost it. Sounded like the harbinger of doom was in top form!
With heavy heart, I set off wondering what dog’s dinner the upstate NYer would serve up. We turned right then left and suddenly were on a familiar trail to me, one near Pigshit’s lovely CH3 with Strangely Anal last fall. On on! I computed possibilities from here and felt quietly confident I’d recognise bits of trail at least.
Up we went round a property then a circle at a key spot. 4 ways and my nearest hashers didn’t realise where the could be headed.
Straight it was and we piled some the path. Suddenly the hare appeared on his bike to inform that the FRBs had run thru a checkback. About 8 of us had but were only 30m past so FD should have STFU and watched chaos then revelation. Anyway he pointed us back and we went up into to the doi on a little path totally new to me. Interesting!
We wiggled through the trees and up and down a bit then came down to an open area and circle. This check had us for a good few minutes before OnOn was called directly opposite and across the field. I’d gone right up Piggy’s return valley. Not the last time FD would fox me.
Lovely forest trails were enjoyed for minutes on end with some decent check options. We exited at another check. Poo went front left, I went right, knowing it was away from home but maybe a loop. The circle guarders didn’t yell loud enough and I continued checking and calling for a few minutes before I realised they were probably gone. Bastards.
Cutting across the big cambered field I caught up with the guilty, Does Nothing, Softballs, ABB etc by the next circle in the far left corner after two strips max. After a bit of forest the trail opened and I began to overtake the sinners.
Poo and Piggy were running steadily ahead as we came down a longish hill. I lengthened my stride from sparrow to blackbird and noticed the huge quarry left front and unmarked junction as the FRBs went right on paper. Mmm, suspicious. Piggy yelled Checkback as Poo had missed it and I turned down the straight inviting path west side of the quarry. Kwaz told me he’d have worked out it was really that way if he’d have seen no check only paper headed right. Hindsight? BS? We’ll never know!
Heading towards the wooded stream bed I scanned for paper in the creek or across the other side as our papered trail turned back on itself slightly. Kwaz demanded to know why I was off paper. I expected a False Trail call but the FRBs yelled Check.
Across the stream I checked the field and almost knew there had to be paper on the path at the far side. Kwaz was now checking closeby and as we hit the path, the On On call from away left. Fcuk, no paper! What had the hare done?
Suddenly we both saw powder! Had Frozen mentioned powder? No! We both investigated different spots of white. Yes, powder and new. We were on but which way?
I realised trail must go from the On call on paper towards us so ran the other way. Kwaz did the opposite but I shouted an explanation.
We were a few hundred metres ahead and I ran steadily back on powder with nary a rear glance until a huge clear powdered On In with arrow. This On In was as long as certain recent runs but I kept going with ten second rests and came home further infront of the pack than I expected. Confusingly, a powder arrow pointed the wrong way just before the last turn – a classic counter espionage technique!
Back at the A, Frozen explained that HRA had saved his bacon, located him in the forest part and perhaps assisted in the second section of the run. What a spiffing effort, top trails and good checks, well marked. A run that promised little from the hare brief, but delivered big time. Kudos Frozen and helpful elf HRA!
P.s. Welcome Kai, our newest member of CH3 and nice suggestion ABB for a truly Germanic Hash Handle- Scheissenhausen. Achtung baby!

(Courtesy Alice)

Wtf is H3 in CNX cuming to? Two runs this week and barely 4 km TOTAL! The Bunny was set in lovely area on nice trails but was just half the length it could or should have been. As a vertically challenged chimp I’ve had half a century of short arsing around and can recognise short change when I see it.
But ChackWao? The look on his face as we piled out of the forest onto the tarmac for the downhill jog home was worth the admission money alone. The fact that we were 20 minutes faster at least than he was hoping or expecting was writ large on his features. “Nice to see a hare who cares, like myself” observed HRA in as many words.
We set off in the songthao from just by the CMU fitness park. It was going to be a B to A run we were informed. We were to start about 2.5 km up Huey Keaw Rd towards Doi Suithep. Funny how going 2.5 up a road by vehicle then running back will generate 4-5km of hashing but Chacky is an expert and learned in CM and international codes. Plus he’s Blows Herself’s Captain Kangaroo hero and there ain’t many of them to the pound.
We set off downhill thru jungly paths that were not runnable. Trail kept a rushing stream company, some parts were stone surfaced, uneven and massaged yer balls. Of yer feet.
Checks were in tricky places and the pack were generally kept together. Sex P, Blows, Obscene etc took turns in the lead but Human Ex and Cougar were right up front half way thru or more so the checks did their job.
Chacky put Oh Aar checks which were basically waterfall views and false trails together, but marked liked a cross check. Mmmm, jury are out on that development.
Down we went, ever down, to a circle near a shallow waterfall over a wide rocky expense with people enjoying a paddle. TMB checked up right. No said Poo and he was right. Obscene and SP headed further down with Alice following but an On back call arrested our descent. Bugger!
We crossed a bridge and found paper that lead out onto a road and powder! Were we already that close to home? Answer:Yes!
Passing the fretting hare, I caught up BHerself and watched Kwaz and Obscene battle for glory. Kwaz was running, Obscene wasn’t giving the old fella a chance but Kwaz was pounding the tarmac, the smell of glory in his nostrils. Kwaz realised he wasn’t getting any respect from the young nipper so started shouting at him and trying to put him off. It was mean, low down and underhand. Excellent hash behaviour infact.
As we neared the A, I wondered if the hare had a final trick up his sleeve. Perhaps a cheeky turn into the zoo? Perhaps Kwaz and Obscene were running down to a check back! Wrong on both counts.
We three turned right to the A and Kwaz switched on the afterburners, his metal cleats showering sparks as he galloped towards the line. Obscene responded and beat the despairing NY legend into second.
‘I win. No 1! crowed Obscene.
‘First adult home!’ crowed Kwaz.
Then the circle and a massive deluge. A real dampener on the day. Welcome to Pascal from Peru and Renee from China, a Piggy protege, and why didn’t he bring the cute Sino-clicker before?wondered the males – and Obscene especially. His tissue strewn teen years are not long coming methinks!
OnOnOn had the best waterfall feature but I’m not sure if was just flooding or a real waterfall in calmer days. Good turnout, the pack deserved better but Chacky sited safety concerns on trails the opposite side of HK Rd. A likely Paddy porkpie.

Would the weather hold out? Would Chacky and Scooby behave themselves? Would Frozen Dick get lost? No, no and no were the answers.

Hare Alice declined Sticky’s offer as the trails were wet and muddy and the extra poundage would sink the Honda. Off went the pack into the field and a check with three options. Into the forest and a V them out to a circle and options left up the road and many across the canal.

Alice had by this time set up a beer stop on his bike by the next circle above the workers’ camp for the mansion house.

SheepShagger came chugging in first and declined beer, as did many of the pack. Sups wouldn’t be amused.

Do not pass the gun, if you see a gun in the middle of the trail come back, check back advised Alice. Chacky and HRA headed towards the gun and failed to yell or return for a long time. Wtf, had they run past the gun and the FT bar for the in trail? Yes, but at least they came back.

Trail went left and Sheepy continued straight but no paper. Poo found the on paper in a field to the right and the pack headed down through neck high grass to a trickyish check on the corner of a flooded quarry. This check was hard enough to hold up the boys for a bit and a few bush bashed when On On was called. A few metre scramble and rock climb and it was back out of the overgrown field to the main trail.

Chacky guessed right at the next 4 way check and Scooby tailed him down the long middle trail. After a km Scooby saw Chacky’s legs behind a tree and surmised he’d found a FT. Scooby headed right into an unpleasant looking overgrown path that was true trail and declined to call in. response to the game of silly buggers ongoing.

As the FRB emerged near the canal, an absence of paper and a circle suggested something was amiss. It was.
Pack went hither and thither until paper was found to the right heading into the forest.
Some runners and walkers just headed down to the canal and back along the road.

The hardcore followed a wide runnable forest trail to a FT by some huts. Back and right into a narrow path mostly hidden and winding towards home. Another FT and Scooby headed thru sparse forest to link with the FRB who were on paper along the side of a flourishing orchard. Behind the mansion and the little iron bar bridge back towards the canal.

The heavens truly opened and the angry black clouds did their worst. In the maelstrom Chacky fronted up first with Scooby in second. HRA and Sheepy in next with the returning Poo coming in from a strange direction, a la Angry Inch! Cabbage wasn’t far back and ABB hove to along with Johnny Hash our visitor from PI.

Eventually we did move the circle to the shelter and die virtual ice time was dished out by Does Nothing.

Run was over 7km and mostly flat, Frozen and Tiptoe completing nearly 6 with short cuts in good order.
On on,
Alice

Today’s run had all the ingredients needed for a positive write up! First up – it was in Maejo – a hasher’s playground! Second, I got the wings – quite deservedly! I’d missed Saturday’s run, by the same hare in the same place, but I had taken a look at strava to see what people had got up to.

At the appointed time we were set off across the dam, and I jogged off towards where the ONIN had been on Saturday. At the end of the dam, the trail turned right down the hill, and I glanced over my shoulder and saw that nobody else had got going – Belly Dancer was leading the walkers across the dam. The road went down the hill and I thought, screw this, I’m off! I upped my pace and guessed the trail would be Saturday’s trail in reverse. It was – 100%. The thing that surprised me the most was that it caught out Sheep Shagger & Alice who had been on Saturday’s run!

Down off the hill and straight on around the hill on pure running trail – the trail was pulling me forwards, joyous, I love these trails. When I drove in I’d seen the paper crossing the road, but of course I didn’t know if it was leftover from Saturday. I couldn’t be certain, but it was looking pretty sure it would be a reverse of Saturday. I simply ignored the false trails, and followed the map in my mind, and sure enough the paper kept appearing as though my glasses were augmenting my trail. I was pushing the pace alone, and when a bug flew in my mouth I paused to wretch for a while. It had been mostly downhill so far, so I still had to go back up the hill.

I slowed down, and crossed the weir, crossed the road. I wasn’t kicking out checks – how could I? I stopped calling – I was alone in the jungle, at what point does it become weird? Over the road and I saw trail leading to the left, but it had to be right – I remember Saturday’s trail hugged the road. I went right, but nothing for 80m or so. I went back and then spotted the circle. Damnit! Just about my only mistake. From there it was pretty much straight back. Several time the markings went off to the left, to false trails, but I kept on true trail.

Really great trail, nice route to run. There are so many great trails around, lets use them!

Fly By:- http://labs.strava.com/flyby/viewer/#1099144565?c=w5q7wn0z&z=G&t=1PTSSD&a=dZ2DQdLMgUGe2IFB

(Courtesy of Belly Dancer)

[Ed – For those of you who remember Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, read this as though ‘Marvin’ – the robot with a brain the size of a planet – aka BMY – was writing]

I headed out of the office, tired, uninspired yet again to infernal Ob Khan Road on the outer rim of my hashing territory – yet another run set by those Canal Road lazy …..

Already wishing I’d headed home with 3 cases of Leo – I arrived at a decrepit moo baan instantly familiar where the rest of the motley male hashers arriving in somber mood – except Chuck Wao who was like a little girl excitedly looking forward to escaping to Cambodia the following day.

Returners Missing Link and Musk Rat swelled the ranks to 13 – hummm – lucky?
The rains were already tumbling as TMB – erm Alice gave his Hare Brief – only a teacher would dip his strips in blue ink!

On out and Belly made it the paper first – only to give up at an (unmarked) electric fence – Kwazi and Turkish spooked a barn load of cattle into a stampede – while everyone was getting their balls zapped on the electric fence!

The checks were nearly impossible to see (washed out) and ABB (RA) inclined the rain Gods to send even heavier rain. Of course for me every trail here is etched into my cranium and checks – if set suitably so I can out guess the hare and remain 1st are desirable, so a foul day like his – not wholly necessary.

It rained the entire run – so no need to bore you any further – Chuck Wao managed to keep 3 paces ahead of Sheepshagger (Wings) to win. Frozen led the Turk, Missing Link and Belly for some lum yai harvesting and GM Does Nothing led a good circle.

Why did I bother?

“Why should I want to make anything up? Life’s bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it.” –Marvin

Belly Dancer teamed up with Krap Thai out at Baan Pong Resort – a place that has had so many good and bad runs! At 3:45 Sloppy called me and we decided to head out to see what BD had in store. Traffic was heavy, but we got there just in time for the harebrief, and that is probably about as much as I am qualified to comment on – I really don’t know much about the real run!

The harebrief ended and the run began with a circle check. Cue Graven Image – the checks are to bring the pack together, if you put a check at the start it only spreads people about. I am inclined to agree, but was trying to get my phone synced up with GPS. I failed and I’d forgotten my watch. The obvious way to go would be out of the gate and left, which meant the real way was probably back over the bridge. I headed that way and finally Piggy called us On. I saw a few bits of paper before another circle. Stained Penis (?) a visitor from Myanmar was stood transfixed as though bewildered what to do. He had grabbed a handful of paper, but didn’t seem inclined to do any checking! I got here first so its my job to deal with the paper? WTF! No sir, it’s your job to go check!

He was wrong, as was I, but when Piggy called the trail back to the left headed towards the ricefield it seems whoever was at the circle thought it was me calling. I decided to run around the small lake to catch up with Piggy, and inadvertently took much of the pack with me. Finally we were back on trail and after a couple of bits of paper we were at another circle at a random bridge at the edge of the rice fields. Surely we weren’t going through the rice fields? I gingerly crept around the edge in the hope of not trampling the farmers fields too much. We spread out hunting for paper. Nothing. Until we spotted Turkish suddenly sprint off. 2-3 minutes later he started calling! You might get away with that in the jungle, but seriously – you are in the middle of a rice field, we can all see for a good km in all directions!!!

We were scattered, I carried on along my parallel burn waiting to find out which way we would break. Another circle, and I was surely 100m to the left and could see no trail. My guess would be to the right, and Sloppy was on it. Finally a reluctant call, not at all confident. I headed across the rice field, trying not to cause any damage. I was well towards the back of the pack, but there was paper headed around to the right, one strip, while the rest of the pack were still scattered all across the rice field. I called “RU?” more than once. Mostly met with silence, otherwise unconfident “ON”. I was with Piggy, and later Frozen Dick. We had a good view across the field, and nobody was moving confidently, nobody was calling. Apparently they were chased away by an angry farmer, but nothing was making sense. I couldn’t figure out why they were in the ricefields without paper, and continued trying to solve the previous check. Finally I found some paper – it looked like the hedge had been cut back so maybe the trail had been cut back with it. Finally I found a couple of bits of paper remaining, so I was confident I was back on trail.

But then again, nothing. I knew there was a decent trail running along the bottom of the hill, and figured there would be trail somewhere there. After 3 checks and 34 minutes I phoned Belly (I normally don’t carry a phone, but this time I had the phone even though the GPS wasn’t working). He hinted that I should head to the white water tower. Holy fook. In the distance I could see a water tower across the field a km or so away. I went back to meet up with Piggy and Frozen. Frozen told me there was another water tower just behind us, and the hare probably meant that one. Did I really want to run across a rice field on my own on the off chance there was paper there? I decided to head along the perfectly good running trail (passing another water tower) and then there was another bit of paper!!!! Fresh, clean, recently stapled…. But all on its own. WTF? What the hell was going on with this run?

FUCKING TURKISH DELIGHT!!!! Who in their right mind uses paper as marking when scouting a trail?!?! I found out later I was running around in circles on TD’s scouting paper. I was convinced the rest of the pack had fucked up, and I was trying to solve the hare’s puzzle, only to find out later I was duped by the Turk. I finally got back on trail at a kicked out circle. Headed towards the hills I bumped into HRA, but again we promptly ran out of paper. I hadn’t seen much paper at all, despite putting the effort in. I had a feeling we would head for the cut through, but when we did find trail it was heading straight up a shiggy rocky mountain. I followed for 200m or so, but it was headed straight up, and not cutting over to the nice cut through the mountains. I had no idea how far behind I was, or what else BD had in store for us. It was 45 minutes into the run, and I had hardly seen any paper. My options were to try and follow trail, fearing being stranded again on a pitch black mountain… 2) Head for the cut through and find my own way back along the lake, or 3) turn around and head for home. I chose to turn back – the beer was v. cold by now!

We all got back in time for one of the longest circles I can remember!