Just back from the run, and I decided to hack into Frozen Dick’s email account, I found the following email….
Thanks for agreeing to set the run with me – it’s a Ballbreaker, the annual extravaganza for CH3, a big responsibility so we need to do a good job. I created a checklist to make sure we don’t forget anything:-
* CHECK A virgin run site – I rode my bike 30+km further down the canal road than anyone would ever go – we should be safe there – nobody else would dream of setting a run that far away!
* CHECK Consult with experienced hares – I already chatted with Square Rooter and Skid Mark – could you get input from Belly Dancer?
* CHECK We need awesome food – The best food in town is at Euro Diner, Throbbing Ninja & Screwed Up are going to barbecue for us!
* CHECK T-shirts – His Royal Anus & Mr. Poo have come up with an excellent design already!
* CHECK Weather Forecast – Never mind, it never rains this time of year!
* CHECK Powder / Paper? – I have a bit, it might be enough if we’re conservative!
Should we go scouting?
The run started along a nice running trail, and we had plenty of chance to warm our legs up. Having got used to Skiddy Sticks, I often glance down side trails and after 400m I gambled on a small trail to the left – sure enough I found a bit of paper, and chuckled to myself as Jake (aka In and Out) carried on up the trail to get the Skiddy Sticks. I was shocked to find the skiddy sticks down my side trail – so much effort to put them there and a wild chance that I found them!!! I wonder how many other checks we might have missed. We certainly missed In and Out for the rest of the run.
I was still deciphering the hare brief – “a hill, a place with no powder, if we got off powder, turn right and hope we find the rest of the trail…” Did anyone have an idea where the right turn might be? Why wouldn’t it be marked? My brain hurts…
I got a couple of checks right, and then decided to leave my lunch on the trail again – I need to get out of that habit. Bondage and I found trail and led the way along a river creek (chasing down In and Out who was presumably somewhere up ahead?). We turned right and clambered up a bank to a ridge – where was the paper? where was everyone else? Should we turn right here? (Apparently In and Out did), Bondage and I spent some time looking for the trail and found some paper leading up further to the left. I’d have considered a check, but the trail climbed endlessly up with mountains extending ominously above us. Bondage set a relentless pace – I switched down a gear as the trail got narrower and the drops either side got steeper. The climb went on for ages – I called On-On and the only response was the echo. Finally HRA appeared in trees below me, and then Brown Finger and Graven Image. They didn’t take long to catch me and pass me.
As we reached the “top” Graven Image and I regrouped as HRA & Brown Finger chased after Bondage – they’d found some more rocks to scramble over and unbelievably more ascent. Graven confidently predicted Skiddy Sticks up ahead, but with Bondage and In&Out somewhere up there, surely not. Fortunately we didn’t follow them too far before someone came back over the ridge and we headed back down Graven’s predicted route. Having climbed steeply up the mountain of hell, the way back down was just as hard – how had these evil hares found it? Why had they chosen this cruel, evil challenge for us?
The Skiddy Sticks at the top worked – to some extent – Square Rooter and Horny Monkey rejoined the lead group, while a confused Bondage and worse for HRA, despite leading the way to the summit, got lost somewhere and took their time to get back. As we descended and lost trail, on a couple of times we tried going right (as the hare had instructed), and were wrong. Finally we hit flat ground and a grinning Humperdick who wanted us to stop for a photo op! God Damn It – I HATE the mountains!!! I felt like Chuck Wao, but a photo of me after that wasn’t going to be pretty.
We hit the flats and finally got to a couple of checks – I’d almost forgotten what they looked like! It wasn’t a surprise as we had to follow the valley around the mountain back to the A. Now we were on good running trails, shame that too much of my legs were left on hell mountain :(. My motivation and energy sapping, In&Out appeared running back towards us. He’d been searching the mountains for us for an hour or so and finally found us! He turned back and gave me some inside information as we jogged back. My favourite moment was screwing BF at a set of Skiddy Sticks, but the reality was, my legs didn’t have it – Horny Monkey and I found a pace following Turkish Delight back in to the A.
In&Out couldn’t be stopped and came back to shepherd us home after watching Bondage out run BF to the A. Bondage couldn’t be stopped as he went out to run the Happy Hash run after the Ball Breaker. Mr. Poo couldn’t be stopped – his work commitments meant he only had time for the Sunday run, but attempted to do the Ball breaker anyway. Robin Banks couldn’t be stopped from smoking in Horny Monkey’s car. Throbbing Ninja couldn’t be stopped from cooking more and more meat. The circle couldn’t be stopped from… oh no actually that did stop, that’s how I got home…!
On-On! Thanks to the hares for their immense efforts – 8hrs to set the mountain which took 1hr to run!
My Run Map:
This is what In&Out did: