23rd Feb – CH4 – Kwazi

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Rating: 8.3/10 (4 votes cast)

Courtesy Brown Finger:-

Well I must admit I very nearly didn’t go to this run. The A site was way out in the wilds of Mae Wang, 15k or so past the usual outer hashing region along the Canal Road, with no special arrangements made for the songthaew leaving early or staying for the special on-on meal afterwards.

What I really didn’t fancy was the appalling possibility of spending around three hours stuck in pollution-spewing traffic, crammed into the back of a little red bus with a bunch of hot and smelly hashers, followed by a very late meal back in town. But I am a curious animal nonetheless, and although this does, like the proverbial cat, often get me into trouble, I decided to see what Kwazi meant by “probably the best (or maybe most?) Chiang Mai trails we have ever run on”, and also what Kwazi would do differently in charge of the Circle to make it more entertaining and less of a dormitory for narcoleptic hashers such as he. Would my feline inquisitiveness get the better of me this time, or would my lucky hashing codpiece come to my aid once again?

So let’s start at McDonald’s and the little red bus. Luckily, Robin Banks turned up in his car, so that I was able to ride in air-conditioned, relative luxury. Strike lucky-one for the curious cat. And then, Kwazi must have made a devilish pact with the traffic gods because I have never in recent times seen the Chiang Mai roads so clear on the way to a hash. In fact the songthaew arrived at the A site before Banksy’s car and almost on-time for the hare brief. A most remarkable occurrence. Strike lucky-two!

And then the handbags began to fly, TMB tearing into a sheepish looking Kwazi for daring to set a trail in her territory, the same place as she had told everyone that she would be setting an outstation sometime in the future. But the cat fight was short lived and Kwazi apologised so hard and so pathetically that TMB finally agreed to be friends again so that Kwazi could begin his very unusual hare brief.

Mother Hash circle checks – bunches of paper haphazardly thrown down by the side of the trail – interspersed with the usual Chiang Mai powder circle checks. The powder checks would be in dwelling areas so as not to spoil them with paper. Hmmm, so it was OK to ‘spoil’ the pristine forest trails with Mother Hash paper? And then there was the introduction of new hash call: ‘Checking. Help!’ WTF? Apparently, FRB’s would definitely not have an advantage on these trails; there were so many trails – “one turning into nine” – that everyone would be needed to do the checking. When a hasher checks a trail that leads into nine other trails, then said hasher should call Checking. Help! and all the other little hashers should then go trotting off to help with the checking. Cool, baby! A mass happy hash checking party! This cool cat was looking forward to enjoying Kwazi’s own particular brand of furry fun and frolics!

But alas there were no trail-checking parties, it was the usual frontrunners who got to do most, if not all of the checking, and I never did hear Kwazi’s new hash call shouted out in anger. Shame, I was so looking forward to hearing innocent Knockout’s squeal for help and to seeing what would happened next :-). But it was true what Kwazi had said about the trails: they were everywhere, loads of the lovely little buggers, single track, unspoiled (well, except for Kwazi’s many bits of Mother Hash paper), slightly sandy trails, reminiscent of those out the back of Suckit’s place.

Because of the quality of the trails, it was a fast paced run, and I witnessed a ranging Suckit, a shrieking Knockout, and a persistent Strangely Anal exchanging the lead with me on several occasions. I also ran into TMB and Sex Pistol (ankle recovering well it seems) a few times, with TMB doing a lot of checking but, oh dear, mostly in the wrong direction.

Some of the checks were very tricky and had us zigzagging around the course in an anti-clockwise direction, others we seemed to work out rather quickly and moved along at a pace that was sorely testing lungs and legs. It also turned out to be a longish run, around the 8k mark with checking. So it was with a grateful sigh that Suckit lead the way in and we could sit around enjoying a cold one or two before the Circle. Nice trails, good checks, a fine run for which the hare should be rightly proud. Nice one Kwazi :-)

It is odd, I somehow don’t remember anything about the Circle, because for some unknown reason I took a cat nap . . . . and when I finally awoke, there was Kwazi handing out 100 bht notes for everyone who agreed to stay for the meal at the resort from where we had just run and circled. And so, with a 100 bht on offer, there was no question whatsoever of anyone wishing to return to town on the songtaew before the meal. Strike lucky-three, although my ‘hot’ meal was served stone cold but tasty, and there was a long wait for some poor, starving hashers. Nice one Kwazi, you should have been a politician.

So, this curious cat and his lucky codpiece survived the mighty Kwazi’s unusual offering and thoroughly enjoyed the experience, what I remember of it, although luck did have something to do with it: Banksy’s comfortable car ride, a remarkable lack of traffic to contend with, and by all accounts falling asleep in the circle.

I would say that there is still plenty of scope for TMB to do a great outstation at this resort, and if, perhaps occasionally, the hash was to wander back in this direction for a normal run with special and more specific songtheaw arrangements, then I can’t see many hashers complaining.

23rd Feb - CH4 - Kwazi, 8.3 out of 10 based on 4 ratings