I teamed up with In & Out for a live haring. The comments I’ve heard were positive, and it seemed to go to plan – despite their best efforts the hounds couldn’t catch us – with Graven putting in more effort than anyone else. Looking at Graven’s GPS evidence he did over double the distance, he was only on trail for about half a click, despite this he still found the beer stop in time for a drink, and came very close to intercepting the hares!
***Brown Finger’s thoughts!
There was a great deal of interest in this live hare run. Even the smog-suffering Mr. Poo decided to drag himself away from the safety of an air conditioned environment to participate in the fun. The talk in the songthaew was tactical, with the expectant result being an extra large Frankfurter rammed between the butt cheeks of the hares when we inevitably caught them. A strategically inserted Brown Finger was also a much favoured (flavoured?) implement.
But we hadn’t reckoned on having a turncoat in our midst. Apparently, Superman had vowed in public to catch the hares and exact his own extreme form of perverted punishment on their lily-white posteriors, but instead he arrived late and proceeded to act as the hare’s jailer, keeping us all locked up for the full five minutes while the hares set off on their well-rehearsed trail.
Eventually we were released from our forced confinement and set off following paper – all except Belly, who for some reason went in a completely different direction. Maybe he had his own tactical plan to catch the hares? Whatever the reason, the next time I saw his hare-less ass was back at the A.
The initial checks were relatively easy to read, and the trials easy to run, and flat. I managed to make good progress, and this was the only time that I felt we might have a chance to catch the hares. But still, they had a five minute start, most of the checks were easily laid circles, and In and Out was the nominated hare. So in reality, the hounds really didn’t have too much of a chance. This was confirmed after the run when we were informed that In and Out had reached the beer stop in 14 or so minutes, while the hounds had taken over 30!
As I arrived at the beer stop, Sloppy Rod had already grabbed a beer and had started to check for trail. According to his own peculiar version of reality, he is a real man, and real men don’t stop at homo checks and wait for a bunch of faggots to consume all the beer – psychiatric analyses, Doctor Byte?
And then Graven turned up for the beer – of course he did – from somewhere other than the direction of the true trail and, having conscientiously drank more than his fair share of the canned Chang – of course he did – staggered off somewhere other than the direction of the true trail (ref his GPS reading), and was not seen again until he arrived back at the A well after dark and after double the distance that anyone else had run.
After the beer stop, the trail led us down a steep cliff to the road, where we came upon a rubbed out circle – the hares had opportunely employed a few local kids to delay the advances of the hounds. Despite this sneaky tactic, we easily found the trail on the other side of the road, where we came upon an alleged check that had conveniently disappeared or perhaps had never been laid? Anyway, after a while I found the trail running back parallel to the road.
Eventually we came back down to the road and caught sight of the hares perched on the opposite bank, laughing at our futile efforts to narrow the gap. Another check going up the opposite bank gave me the excellent opportunity to yet again chose the most unlikely route in order to lengthen the run and thus improve my fitness – huh, huh, hummh! – and again, for the same reasons – hummh! – at the final v check I decided to take the obviously false trail that the hares had papered as an incentive for some stupid son of a bitch to follow. I didn’t really fall for that obvious gag – really I didn’t!
At last we FRBs found the A, led in by an elated and no doubt utterly heterosexual Sloppy, to be greeted by a pair of grinning hares, no doubt thankful that they would not have to endure the indignity of a penetrating Frankfurter after all, with or without Chuck Wao’s copious supply of KY gel. Talking of meat, the thoughtful pair provided an excellent BBQ of chicken fillets, thighs and pork ribs, accompanied by potato salad and corn cobs. But Graven was not amused when he returned starving hungry only to find the remaining three chunks of potato and a half eaten cob.
As Mr. Poo set about devouring the remains of the last cob – having already consumed most of the meat – and Graven complained about the absence of dead flesh and just about everything else, everyone seemed to agree that the live run worked extremely well, but that the hounds were never likely to catch the hares – too many circle checks? two fast hares? For my part, I certainly enjoyed joining forces with the hounds in our vain attempt to chase down the hares, but perhaps next time, and I certainly hope there will be a next time, a way can be found to shorten the odds of catching them, perhaps without too much of an increased threat to their delicate little assholes.
Great trail, great food – shame about the absence of a good German sausage. Excellent work BMY and IAO.
In and Out’s trail:-